Ten years ago, the world went through a zombie apocalypse. Now in the present, the situation hasn’t gotten any better, and the zombies have evolved in distinct types. The dumb zombies are the Homers: they’re slow and do stupid things like getting their tongues stuck on ice, so they’re easy to kill.
The smart zombies are the Hawkings: they are able to make plans, like taking the eye of a dead scientist to open a door with an iris-scan lock. Lastly there are the Ninja zombies, who know how to sneak around and hide to catch their victims by surprise. In DC, there’s a group of four survivors formed by Tallahassee, Wichita, her boyfriend Columbus, and her sister Little Rock.
They’ve been sticking together for a decade and learned to fight in perfect teamwork. They make their way through the field and kill zombie after zombie without hesitation, bringing them down before they can even scratch them. After a long but very effective fight, the group finishes killing the whole horde and makes their way to the White House, which becomes their new home.
For the first few days, things go great. They have lots of fun together and fix the decorations to fit their tastes. They also celebrate Little Rock’s eighteenth birthday.
Tallahassee has become a father figure to her and is very protective, but Little Rock is getting tired of being stuck with adults. She wants to hang out with people her age and not being called “little girl”, which Tallahassee doesn’t understand. Some weeks alter, Tallahassee decides to celebrate Christmas in November and he gifts Little Rock a gun that used to belong to Elvis.
Little Rock hates it because he’s always giving her guns, so she leaves the room to shoot zombies in frustration. Later in the bedroom, Columbus surprises Wichita with a ring, asking her to marry him. Wichita gets nervous because she thinks all married people end up divorced, so Columbus gives her time to think about it.
The next morning, the guys discover that the sisters left, only leaving a very vague note behind. On the road, the sisters are travelling in Tallahassee’s modified car and agree they shouldn’t have gotten attached. Suddenly they see someone ahead and Little Rock gets ready to shoot, but it’s just a normal human of Rock’s age called Berkeley.
A month later, Tallahassee and Columbus try to entertain themselves at the mall, but Columbus won’t stop whining about Wichita. Tallahassee mocks him and says they should go back to the road to start over. At that moment they’re found by a zombie, so Tallahassee throws a bottle of alcohol and shoots it before killing the creature.
Columbus is impressed but he doesn’t think it’s Zombie Kill of the Year because that goes to a farmer that ran over a zombie with his tractor, making a hay cube out of it. Afterward Columbus goes to the candle store and shoots when he hears a noise, but it’s just a girl named Madison. She’s so glad to see another that she hugs Columbus and he invites her to come to with them, ignoring Tallahassee’s complaints.
Later at the White House, the guys notice that Madison is pretty dumb, but Columbus is so desperate for company that he agrees to do the dirty with her anyway. In the middle of the night, Tallahassee hears a noise and searches for the source, shooting at the first sign of movement. It’s Columbus, who dodges just in time.
They go to investigate together and are shocked to find Wichita in the garage. She explains she came back for more weapons and that Little Rock is gone. She had a crush on Berkeley, who was a musician and a pacifist that survived based on conflict avoidance.
Hearing this makes Tallahassee freak out, thinking his little girl has lost the way. Little Rock and Berkeley wanted to go to Graceland but Wichita said no, so they left without her while she was asleep. Wichita is very worried about her sister because she’s travelling without protection, and Berkeley told them about a new kind of zombie that it’s tougher and faster.
Tallahassee announces he and Columbus will help her find Little Rock, ignoring Wichita’s wish to hunt alone. Then she apologizes to Columbus for leaving without a proper talk, only to be interrupted by Madison. Wichita gets jealous and starts acting cold toward Columbus.
When everyone is ready, Tallahassee learns that Wichita got a minivan to come here and freaks out because it isn’t manly. However they have no choice since working vehicles are scarce nowadays. Madison forces her way into the group to come along and Wichita’s jealousy gets worse.
The guys leave Madison’s things behind because their rule is to travel light. Meanwhile Little Rock and Berkeley continue to travel together and Little Rock shoots at random objects like a money truck for fun. She then confesses she never got to try Mary Jane and Berkeley pulls out a bag full of it to share.
The car gets full of smoke and Berkeley sings love songs for Little Rock. Back to Columbus’ group, Madison reveals she grabbed the ring from the bedside drawer, which annoys Wichita more. A passive-aggressive conversation starts between Columbus and Wichita over the subject until Tallahassee suddenly stops the car, causing Madison to fall forward and hit her head.
It turns out there’s a fancy bus nearby and they agree to change vehicles. On the way there, Columbus and Wichita continue to argue over their situation. Once they reach the bus, Madison opens the door and accidentally triggers the alarm, which gets the attention of a bunch of zombies.
Following their old teamwork tactics, Columbus jumps on the roof of the bus and opens fire while giving Wichita and Tallahassee directions. The zombies start going down one by one without even a chance to hurt the group thanks to the tactics they’ve been practicing for a decade. Unfortunately Wichita’s weapon gets stuck but when a zombie is about to attack her, Madison shoots pepper spray at it, giving Wichita time to fix the weapon and kill it.
They ignore the Homer running in the opposite way and when another zombie jumps on the roof, Columbus dodges it to make it fall and the others shoot it dead. There’s only one zombie left and Tallahassee quickly shoots it, but the creature keeps standing up. They realize this is the evolved zombie Berkeley mentioned and Columbus names it T800 after Terminator.
Tallahassee keeps on wasting bullets but they don’t stop the T800, so he has to crush its head to finally kill it. Afterward Tallahassee paints a three on the bus door as per tradition and the group finally leaves, however on their way out the bus goes over some spikes and the tires are ruined. Now they have no choice but to keep on travelling on the minivan.
Moments later, the group is sharing some nutty snacks while discussing Madison’s dumb ideas when suddenly she starts feeling very sick. Tallahassee immediately stops the car and Madison runs out to puke while the trio discusses what to do. Columbus doesn’t want her to die, but Tallahassee and Wichita remind him that becoming a zombie is worse.
A reluctant Columbus goes into the forest and finds an awful looking Madison, so he makes a choice. At the car, Wichita and Tallahassee are impressed when they hear a shot. The rest of the ride is very tense and awkward.
At night they finally make it to Graceland, only to discover the place is destroyed and abandoned. Disappointed, the trio keeps on driving while trying to think of their next move. At that moment they come across the Hound Dog Hotel and see Tallahassee’s old car at the entrance, so they rush inside.
While Wichita looks for Little Rock, Tallahassee fanboys over all the Elvis memorabilia, even putting on his shoes. Then he sits at the piano and while he plays he’s suddenly hit by a woman named Nevada, who holds him at gunpoint. Luckily Wichita and Columbus come to his rescue and ask about Little Rock.
Nevada explains she and Berkeley left to find Babylon, a hippie safe haven with no zombies. That place has no guns either, which may be a problem because there are zombies following Berkeley’s car. Tallahassee and Nevada share a drink and flirt a lot, Tallahassee even does his best Elvis impersonation.
Then they end up doing the dirty. The next morning, Berkeley and Little Rock arrive at Babylon and Rock is forced to give her weapons to a guy that will melt them into a pendant. The place is actually pretty secure thanks to the walls that surround it and the big tower in the middle.
Everyone leaves in peace and harmony without a care. Back in the hotel, Tallahassee wakes up Nevada to show her how cool he looks in Elvis’ clothes. At that moment they hear a weird horn and run outside to discover a monster truck parking on top of Tallahassee’s car.
Furious, he goes to argue with the driver, whose name is Albuquerque and he happens to be a friend of Nevada’s. While the men yell at each other, the others notice how similar they are, as if they were a satire of each other. Suddenly a second guy called Flagstaff comes out of the monster truck to support his friend Albuquerque since they’ve been travelling together.
Flagstaff is a lot like Columbus and even has his own survival rules, although he calls them “commandments”. An argument ensues between the four men, who are acting like kids to impress the ladies. Eventually Nevada snaps and calms them down.
Albuquerque and Flagstaff explain they came back because the T800s have taken over the area. The group heads inside for some drinks and when another argument is about to start, they hear a noise and discover the T800s are outside. Albuquerque and Flagstaff rush outside and fight the zombies, bringing them down in a matter of minutes.
Afterward they come back to show off how cool they are, only for Nevada to notice Albuquerque has been bitten. He tries to pretend it’s just a tattoo but he suddenly pukes, so he reveals Flagstaff was bitten as well. After Flagstaff also pukes, both guys turn into zombies and a fight ensues.
Nevada quickly opens fire, but these are T800s and are unaffected. The others take the fight to the corridor and use Elvis’ memorabilia to attack. The zombies manage to corner the duo on top of a pool table, so they use the balls and cue sticks to defend themselves.
The fight continues as the men and the zombies throw each other all over the place, which makes it hard for Nevada and Wichita to fire because they don’t want to hurt the guys. Eventually Tallahassee manages to bring down Albuquerque with an Elvis statue then crushes his head with a guitar. At that moment Flagstaff tackles Columbus, giving Nevada the chance to shoot him in the head to kill him too.
Tallahassee wonders if this can be Zombie Kill of the Year, but Columbus thinks one better happened in Italy: a guy put up some mannequins to attract the zombies and dropped the Tower of Pisa on them. Afterward Tallahassee says goodbye to Nevada with a kiss and she gifts him an Elvis ring so he remembers to visit her again. Then he tries driving the monster truck, but he can’t control it at all and they have to leave on the minivan again.
A few hours later, Wichita is trying to fix her relationship with Columbus when suddenly they see an ice-cream truck passing by. It’s being driven by Madison, who is alive and well. It turns out Columbus only pretended to shoot her but actually let her go, and her sickness had been a nut allergy.
She joins the group again and for the rest of the night they have to put up with her babbling. The next morning, the group makes it to Babylon and they think this could be their forever home. As a final goodbye, Tallahassee blows up the minivan.
He doesn’t want to leave his guns behind, but he’s desperate to see Little Rock so he has no choice. Once everyone’s weapons have been melted, the group is allowed inside and they hurry to hug Little Rock. She apologizes for leaving, but she also tells them they won’t fit in here because this is too peaceful for them.
Finally seeing his little girl as an adult, Tallahassee decides to go back to the road and start over somewhere else. Later that night, Tallahassee is driving away on a truck when he suddenly hits a zombie. The creature stands up easily, meaning it’s a T800.
To his shock, there’s a huge horde of them running toward Babylon. Tallahassee immediately drives back at full speed and warns everyone about the zombies, making them cut the music and the fireworks. Berkeley doesn’t take him seriously and Little Rock breaks up with him.
There isn’t a single weapon there, so Tallahassee makes an alternate plan by using the tower’s biodiesel. Everyone works together to create a huge bomb, and the hippies are quickly trained on how to hold up a shield. Lastly they bring down a wall and put up a contraption with fireworks to get the zombies’ attention.
As the creatures begin coming in, the team starts a fire on the ground before running to safety. The flames soon cause a huge explosion, which kills all the zombies in one big boom. Unfortunately there’s a second horde coming and the team has to fight them with shovels.
They manage to kill a few of them, but there are too many to keep up with and they won’t be able to hold for long. Tallahassee announces this is the end and they hug each other as they share “I love yous” to say goodbye. Suddenly they hear a horn and Nevada shows up in the monster truck.
She rescues the team then starts driving like crazy to crush the zombies under the truck’s huge wheels. The vehicle even starts going in circles as a zombie tornado and then goes up the wall, causing it to flip and land on more zombies. After another quick run, the truck finally falls and the group has to run out to reach the tower.
They find the way blocked by zombies, but thankfully Madison and Berkeley start throwing things to kill them. They continue to fight the zombies as they run upstairs, using Nevada’s gun and whatever object they find around. Once they make it to the roof, the hippies hold up the makeshift shields to create a corridor that guides the zombies toward the edge.
Most of the group moves away but Tallahassee keeps on running as bait, jumping at the last second to hold onto a crane. The zombies keep running and fall to their deaths, trying to bring down Tallahassee too but failing. Columbus decides it’s the Zombie Kill of the Century.
There are two final zombies that manage to grab Tallahassee’s leg and the others don’t know how to help, so Little Rock suddenly shoots them. It turns out she had Tallahassee’s Christmas gift with her all along. With all the zombies finally dead, the group forms a line and rescues Tallahassee.
While he and Little Rock reconcile, Wichita says yes to Columbus’ proposal and he puts the ring on her finger. The couple kisses and Nevada and Tallahassee follow their example. Madison and Berkeley start kissing too as a Homer suddenly appears, only to easily fall to his death.
After a night of partying and fireworks, the original four leave with Nevada in a fancy car to look for a new home while a zombie chases after them. Then a flashback shows Bill Murray on the day of the outbreak. He had been promoting his third Garfield film and the reporters kept asking him to show off his gagging-on-a-hairball noises.
Suddenly a reporter threw up and transformed into a zombie. An assistant got scared and ran away, but Bill stayed calm and killed the zombie with a chair. On his way out, he found a bunch of zombies in the lobby, but he still didn’t panic: he continued to fight the creatures with the chair and any object he could grab, slowly making his way outside while saying he hated Mondays.
