the 10 laws of self obsession

[Music] welcome back my obsessed girlies to the final podcast episode of season 3 can you believe we are finally here it's episode 10 time which as you know every single season the season finale is all about the 10 laws of self-obsession which of course are different every single season and sums up everything we've learned in the last season along with some more exclusive lessons woven in as well I honestly can't believe that this is the end of the third season guys it hasn't even been a year since I started this podcast can you believe it

and season 3 was actually the birth of self-obsessed being on video getting a studio which honestly was like so stressful and so scary and so outside of my comfort zone but I did it and it's here and we did a whole season here and now I'm going to be going on a little bit of a break before I come back at the end of the year with season 4 which by the way guys of course will still be on video and still available to watch on YouTube but there's going to there be so much more

new stuff that I can't wait because the goal is always to just keep leveling up with every season I put out you might not even realize it but with every single podcast episode you have been rewriting your story Shifting The Narrative learning so much more about life about yourself about how to love yourself so while everybody else is waiting until January to start thinking about their goals and how they're going to level up you are literally already halfway there you are already laying the foundations to be about to enter 2025 and have it be the

best year of your life can we just just take a second to give you a round of applause right now you better be giving yourself up on the back okay because you deserve it I'll be back in November for season 4 but until then let's go through the 10 laws of self- obssession which runs of every single thing that we learned in this lesson and even more and before we get right into it be sure to check out all of the links underneath this podcast episode or in the description if you're watching on YouTube where

you can check out all of my socials my other YouTube channels my self-love book that just came out so if you don't know what to do in this season break then reading that book will help you honestly master and accomplish self- Leve it contains every single lesson I used on my journey and even more it gives you context and lessons and mindset shifts and even practical actions no matter what stage of your life you're in no matter what you're going through whether you're in the healing Journey it covers everything but without further Ado let's get

into it the 10 laws of self-obsession law number one maintain your Independence even if you're in a relationship as I discussed at the beginning of this season the biggest mistake I made on my self love Journey was allowing it to get myself into a place where I was isolating myself from others and thinking that I only ever needed myself that is not healthy and we are inherently social beings we need other people and building relationships with other people and going through those challenges and learning about each other and adapting and growing together is so fundamental

to living a good fulfilling happy joyful life before I got into my relationship I was acting from a place of trauma and survival where I was just super hyper independent and it was my protection mechanism to make sure that I didn't get hurt where you know I was dating but I wasn't dating seriously and I was just turning people away and it wasn't until I had to learn that self-love does not equate to the absence of loving others true self-love is also incorporating all of the information you need on building relationships on enforcing and setting

boundaries on heightening your list of Standards so you don't settle for other people again I actually would argue that when you do put yourself into the dating world or when you are out making new friends and trying to meet new people you are actively practicing your self love then with what you decide to accept and what you reject in the treatment that other people give you it's a wonderful test of how you've grown and how you're showing up for yourself and so really the ultimate balance for this law and for the self-obsessed girlies is you

can date and you can be in your relationship but at the same time that does not mean the absence of yourself not everything needs to revolve around your partner you are still solo dating you are still in your phase of self-discovery and learning about yourself whilst you are also learning about your partner and you have to remember that when you are in a relationship you are living three lives in this partnership with this other person you are living your life your partner is living their individual life and then your third life is the life you

are building together a lot of people forget the first two guys if you were on YouTube I'm so sorry guys that was actually so unintentional anyways a lot of people forget about the first two lives and they just focus on the lives they're building together with their partner but what this risks is a complete loss of identity and revolving your entire world around a person and getting so Overly Attached that you forget who you are are and if you had to separate yourself from this person or they're not serving you anymore you're going to be

too fearful to leave them and you're not going to know who you are without them and we are not about that we are setting the foundations right now with solo dating and pouring back into ourselves and figuring out who we are and what we like so we make sure we're never stuck in that situation ever again the second law of self-obsession is to become selective with the people that you call friends I have made it very very clear in my years of being online that you cannot go around just calling anybody your friend okay that

is low key self sabotage and I feel for the people that are in this phase of their lives because your girl used to be there too okay and it is so easy to get trapped in this because we grow up in a society and around people who promote this idea that you are likeable and attractive and worthy with the more people that you have in your circle and the more popular you are when in actuality that is so far from the truth the more people you surround yourself with in my opinion just represents the lack

of boundaries and the lack of standards that you have set because I promise you not everyone can align to you yes a lot of people are super nice and they're fun to hang out with but that does not mean they deserve a place in your life to then receive all of your time effort attention energy emotions connection and honestly a piece of your mindset because whoever you are surrounding yourself with you are going to end up being the average of them of their mindset of their lifestyle so you have to be super picky with this

and you can only associate yourself with the people that align to your highest purpose if you are an ambitious person and if you are focused on your growth journey I think the biggest tip for my self-obsessed gires is to just get super intentional with why you're friends with certain people and a lot of people are going to skip out on this and a lot of people don't get it and they're like you know why does everything need to be aligned with growth and why does everything need to be self-improvement it doesn't it really doesn't it's

literally just down to thinking of course I am only going to hang out with somebody if I walk away from that interaction feeling either inspired or just joyful or like it added some magic and happiness into my day why wouldn't I because at the end of the day if you're not adding those things then why wouldn't I just spend all of that time with myself or bettering myself or working on my passion projects or meeting other people or exploring the world rather than inviting people into my life just for the sake of having company the

Third Law of self-obsession is to live an extraordinary life you must be an extraordinary person honestly this was probably my favorite episode of the entire season 3 of self-obsessed I loved it because with our beautiful community over on the internet all of my self-obsessed girlies are all inspired by the fear of being average we want to go the step further we want to level up we want to see what our full potential is and because of this goal and this ambition and this passion to just be the best version of yourself the self- obsess girlies

are not out here trying to follow the Norms we are making rules for ourselves and we are making sure that in order to live up to this ideal version of ourselves to be this extraordinary person we are also putting in all of the habits and all of the daily mindset shifts and practices to be able to also live an extraordinary life so that we can align to that higher version of ourselves so that we can get there faster this means skipping out on the normal regular thing of comparing yourself to everybody around you because that

is just a human thing to do no the self-obsessed girl take it a step further and they block out that natural human instinct because they know there's no point comparing to anything if that person isn't exactly where they need to be what links into that is a self-obsessed girlly set even higher standards for the people they associate themselves with surround themselves with are friends with because they know it's going to affect their mindset and their energies and they're trying to do themselves the best favor by placing themselves in rooms that uplift them and educate them

and Inspire them to go to the next step another practice of becoming an extraordinary person and therefore living an extraordinary life first is to understand that failures are not personal they're not an attack on you they do not define you or present this idea that you are incapable or unskilled no no no no no they are so essential every single human being has to go through through them we are not wasting time grieving and feeling bad about it or oh my God quitting our passion what we wanted to do so much just because we messed

up a few times no we learned so many lessons from that that was simply a part of the journey that was a stepping stone that has better prepared us for the next level of where we want to get to and this of course links into the fourth law of self-obsession which is falling in love with your failures the feeling of failure shouldn't scare you it should motivate you I have heard and read so many self-improvement podcasts and books where people say you need to regularly check in on how often you're failing because if you cannot

recall one time that you have failed this week or this month then you are not trying enough and you were not living enough and I personally couldn't agree more if everything in your life feels super easy and comfortable and everything is Flowing nicely well yes that might feel good it doesn't exactly mean you're living up to your full potential because getting there means getting outside of your comfort zone and getting outside of your comfort zone means doing the things that you are going to be bad at and guess what by placing your ego aside and

putting yourself in situations where that skill doesn't come that naturally egy walking up to strangers to talk to them and going to networking events or setting up a business or trying to present and public speak when you know you can't do that allows you to start to develop new skills allows you to grow your confidence and your self-perception which really are all of the building blocks to you becoming the person that you really want to be because when you are Desiring something when you are manifesting something you don't instantly get the result okay you don't

just do Step A B and C to put in the work and then you're just going to get the thing no you get the journey that you need in order to become the type of person that has that thing so many of us are scared of failing but really if you just take a step back and think about the last few times you failed you know you would never make those mistakes again and you know that you are so much better off since making those mistakes any single time you had a difficult interaction with a

friend or a person you started learning what boundaries were or you started learning how to work on yourself or your confidence or how to speak to strangers and the list goes on and the moment that I finally rewired my brain to start seeing my failures as stepping stones to my inevitable success guess what happened I started attracting even more success into my life because one I was operating from an abundance mindset which meant that no matter what happened I did not see it as a personal attack or that my life is so unlucky or that

I'm so bad at things no no no everything is working out in my favor everything is happening as it should everything that I desire is still on its way to me and when you are thinking in that energy and in that realm of course everything that happens in your life is going to follow suit and you're going to keep attracting more of it but also second when you are going through bad times and you think this is happening for a reason or I'm learning something from this or this is helping me get to the next

stage when you are that confident in your failures and in things going badly that's what encourages you to keep it pushing and to keep going self-doubt who is she I have never heard of her she has no place there at that point the fifth law of self-obsession is to detach from the past learning to let go of the past is one of those things that we hear all of the time and it sounds so good and makes so much sense in theory but in reality it's so hard it's hard to let go of and you

can't just tell yourself I'm not going to think about the past anymore and then there's some off switch that turns off all of these emotions and thoughts absolutely not and I I don't think that Detachment is about turning off your past memories and not revisiting them I actually think a lot of the time there can be power gained in revisiting those emotions and when these past emotions and these past experiences and memories come up in your head because I promise you they will it happens to everyone the self- Lov test is you not feeling guilty

or bad or shaming yourself for thinking about those things you know why because it's simply a flashback to the life that you've lived and you cannot avoid that you lived through that and how amazing is it that at any point we can access anything we've lived through in our brain Nostalgia is proof that you've lived life and any single time I get flashbacks of people that I don't like or I would never want to talk to again or past situations that I definitely like would not want to re revisit I started to look at it

with a lot more positivity cuz I'm like but that made me who I am and I had to go through that and a lot of the time when I'm thinking of the girl I was in these flashbacks or in these past times in my life I get happy cuz I'm like I'm not her anymore and that actually just gave me the most beautiful reminder that I'm so far from where I used to be in the best and most positive way and like she doesn't even know me she really doesn't and I I I don't even

get her because we're so far apart and because I've come such a way and so really all of your past memories and all of this Nostalgia even if it's from times that you'd rather forget isn't you dwelling on the past it can just be shifted into you appreciating how far that you've come and that in itself is the process of Detachment it's detaching from this attachment we have from oh my God what about this or I used to do this or I have this thought now so how do I feel about this person or do

I miss them no no no you just let go and you just let things flow and you let these flashbacks and memories come in in and out of your brain and that's okay and you don't dwell on it too much or think about it too much I also think the past is so powerful because it gives you such valuable insight into the fact that nothing lasts forever and that the things that you once thought could have destroyed you you end up getting over and everything ends up pretty much just like you wanted it to and

so I love having this bank of memories in my head and I no longer feel bad about thinking about it some days or maybe just going back in time a little bit to feel sad about something that happened because when I come back to my present moment I remember oh but that moment had to happen for a reason and now I know the outcome of that moment and all of my past experiences serve as proof that any of my current worries and any of my current stresses will turn out in the exact same way it's

not the end of the world I do not need to worry about this everything is going to happen as it should this too will pass and I'll become better as a person as a result of it and I'll become wiser and my life will move on to the next phase having said that it is super important to have a balance and while it's really important to give yourself that self-acceptance and self- L when you do find yourself being surrounded with these flashbacks it's important not to go there too often because the more you revisit your

past and the more you decide to live there and all of the past mistakes and everything that's happened thus far you miss out on all of the lessons that are sitting right in front of you that your future self is looking back on and thinking I need you to pay more attention or I wish that you taken more advantage of that or I wish you acted in this way you have all of the Power and all of the control right now to create your destiny and to create your dream life the more that you're living

in the things that have already happened and cannot be changed you or forfeit your right to create more abundance and more joy in your present life your life is happening to you right now right in front of you please pay attention to it next up is little six to becoming self-obsessed and this is by knowing when it's time to embrace change and New Seasons in your life AKA when it's time to just rigate redirect maybe try something new and not stay stuck in the same place forever I am the biggest advocate for vision boarding and

planning out your life but when you become so attached to the destination and what exactly it has to look like and you're not flexible for change or any other opportunities and you get so rigid with I have to be here in 5 years time or else you miss out on all of the wonderful opportunities that could come along on the way that could be offering you everything that you didn't even know you needed and wanted and on this journey of self- Lov and self growth it's so important to know when it's time to try something

new to just break out of the pattern a little bit to definitely step outside of your comfort zone and do it with intention and I think bad moments and adversities that happen in your life you know unexpected challenges are the best time to practice this because when you finally step out of the self-sabotaging mindset where something bad happens to you and you think why can't I catch a break and why is life unfair to my life is a book everything good or bad is so necessary to happen in my story to get me to my

inevitable abundant ending sometimes you don't get what you want because you simply weren't meant for it and it's trying to redirect you to a place that you couldn't even think up on your own I really have started to think that life or SL the universe gives you these pushes to get you into doors and to get you into places that you didn't fully have the realization that you should have gone there because a lot of the time we can make the wrong decisions for ourselves you know we're following patterns of familiarity you know especially if

we grow up in places of chaotic energy or around toxic people we never really know where to navigate ourselves and I think it's so important to take a step back and think maybe that didn't work out for a reason or maybe I'm being pushed to this place for a reason you know maybe things aren't working out because it's leading me to a place that is so much better than I could have ever imagined for myself like think about it what if I'm just setting the bar too low what if my standards aren't that high and

this is leading me to a place that is bigger and better than I could even think up for myself everyone talks about habits how important they are for your growth and your personal development but usually the conversation normally stops there and we don't talk enough about the discomfort that is required for you to set the habits that you need to be able to transform into the person that you are truly meant to be it requires discomfort and discipline and commitment and most importantly intention in setting all of those habits that's why I always say that

one of the biggest habits that ever changed my life was simply the act of doing what I said I wanted to do when I said I was going to do it because it truly helps me practice so much discipline and so much commitment and when you master like one skill in one area of your life maybe it's creativity maybe it's productivity maybe it's time management in my case it was this discipline and commitment just in you know like going to the gym when I said I was going to no matter what the weather was like

or no matter how I felt that commitment and discipline then starts showing up in every other area of your life you simply need to accomplish it with one hard task and you'll find yourself more confident and your self-perception would have caught up to be able to have you recognize that you now have the ability to carry that habit anywhere else another habit that absolutely changed my life was the habit of constantly revisiting those New Year's goals you set in January now listen to this carefully because Jan is literally just around the corner you guys like

we are about to embark on another whole year and while you are in the process of thinking about how much you want to make the most of 2025 and all of these goals you want to set let's please additionally set a plan or schedule on how often we are going to revisit those goals that we are setting on a weekly basis let's reference that goals list that you wrote down and commit one hour per week to doing something that gets us closer to one of the tasks on that list or let's schedule 2 minutes every

single morning while we're brushing our teeth or getting ready for the day while we are staring at our vision board and actually visualizing the success That We crave rather than walking past the vision board every single day and forgetting it's even there or rather than getting eight months through the year before you realize oh crap I haven't done anything on my New Year's resolutions list that I said I was going to do not only does referencing your New Year's goals list when you're scheduling out your week and time blocking your month and everything so helpful

from a productivity perspective but it also keeps you super accountable and it allows you to identify as the type of person that once again does what they say they're going to do another life-changing habit I set was finding the fine balance between planning and action and planning is absolutely great she is that girl I love her but there is a very fine line where you can plan so much that you are simply just avoiding action and you were just not making progress on actually doing the task or bringing the goal into your life and too

much planning becomes a place of self-sabotage where you're simply delaying progressing on your journey because you are stuck in a place of perfection ISM and not letting your your voice be heard or not letting yourself express yourself or put out the things you want to and then so much time passes that you end up giving up on the thing and instead what I like to do is plan in sections or in stages you know so I'll plan for the initial stages of launching something I'll launch it and then there's another phase of planning to develop

it and so on and so on and so on let's take this podcast as an example guys like this podcast season one was literally One Singular microphone on my tiny Ikea desk in my very first apartment I would be facing a white wall it was just audio I would literally record every single episode in my pajamas I could you not season two I then had to plan for okay how am I going to do guests and then season 3 then I started planning okay what is video going to look like what's the setup going to

be how am I going to edit all of these things and I did it in stages which has helped me get out all of these Seasons all in one year and make all of that progress but if I was stuck in that beginning stage I would have had such analysis paralysis about I can't do a studio and I can't do this and what videographer am I going to have and how am I going to find editors and it's so much to deal with all at once that that's what accelerates that fear that prevents you from

even starting in the first place the eighth law of self- obsession is you need confidence to build confidence and if you guys remember season 3 episode 8 was actually an exerpt from my audio book biosa the dam flowers I gave you guys a little insight into chapter 8 from the book which is all about confidence building and this law is all about the fact that confidence is a choice insecurities are not an inherent part of you they are by no means valid or accurate or Define you mm- every insecurity anybody has has been taught to

them you were not a little child running around nervous about how your body looked or worrying about if your hair was nice enough or worrying if you were too introverted or extroverted or whether you should be mysterious or be less of a yappa and all of these things that are given to us all of the time all these new beauty standards and ways of being to be able to be worthy and liked by other people you never had that in you but as you've grown up you hear so much chatter about what is the right

way to be that obviously is going to influence you and obv it's going to infiltrate your mindset and make you question if you are good enough just as you are but the truth is you are and the only person that can ever tell you that and make you believe it is yourself you need to give yourself permission to be confident you need to give yourself permission to go against beauty standards where it's like actually I don't need this to be beautiful or to be accepted or to like and love myself I'm going to tell myself

I don't need that whether it's a nose job or a hairstyle or a way of dressing or a body shape or a personality trait you are the one who gives yourself that permission because I'm telling you these beauty standards and these Trends they change every single day okay what is fashionable today everybody loved 10 years ago and vice versa and it just keeps changing and while we can't control that we disrespect ourselves every single day we criticize and we call ourselves out on our insecurities you know we don't let ourselves look in the mirror with

full confidence or a picture is taken of us and we start berating our appearance or saying that we don't look good enough in it every single time you take an action like that you are constantly validating the belief that you are not good enough and that you are not ACC confident person that you don't like yourself fully and that you are not perfect when I promise you you are but of course I go into way more detail on what self confidence is the mindset shifts and habits you need to be able to implement it and

really get to a solid secure place of confidence in your life where it is long lasting and consistent in my book bi yourself the D flowers which is available to order worldwide on Amazon you can check the link in the description the ninth law of self-obsession is to protect your energy which of course was the episode right before this one besties we need to start protecting our energy because our energy literally introduces us before we can even verbally try to one of the best tactics to protecting your energy to be your happiest and most at

peace self is to observe rather than absorb instead of going into every single situation and letting these people drain your energy or taking everything they say is truth or paying so much attention to people and just letting them take and take and take from you we are going into places and we are visualizing ourselves being protected our energy is so protected regardless of what another person's actions might be no matter what they might say no matter how they treat as we visualizing we are protected nothing can penetrate this bubble around us but also on top

of that we are observing people before we allow them to have access to our lives and our time and our energy and our feelings even if everything around you is full of chaos you can still be at peace if you are creating that environment for yourself in here you need to work on this before you go into the outer world we are never going to have control over how people are acting and what they are saying to us but we do have control as to the meaning we put to every experience we have with another

person and then how we decide to internalize it another way to protect your energy is to disengage from one-sided relationships relationships where they take and take and take from you and you are literally left with nothing you are not doing yourself any favors it is not honorable to keep giving chances to people where they are ranting or they are stucking victim mentality and you will constantly saving them it is just taking from you and not uplifting you because if you are a good enough and intelligent enough person to be pouring in all of this effort

and time and emotion to other people then you deserve the same back you need to be replenished just like you replenish others and another way of protecting your energy which I think is severely underrated is acknowledging when you are using your energy and in what aspect and I think specifically this means not arguing where my anger was needed and when it would best serve me not the other person my life changed my life changed a lot of the times it's so easy to have an emotional reaction and to let your initial emotion get the best

of you but please self-obsessed girles please try to question yourself if I let this emotion out of me now what are going to be the consequences of it most importantly is it going to serve me because while somebody might be mistreating you and you want to be angry and you want to shout and give them a taste of their own medicine I know that's going to feel really good and feel like it's deserved for them but where does it get you if you are in the workplace and you need to stand up for yourself to

set a boundary 100% you do that that is clearly serving you and your needs but if this is about arguing with a person who clearly does not listen and will never change you will simply depleting your own energy for no reason at all and finally we have the 10th law of self-obsession a the bonus lesson for this episode and the final thing I'm going to say for season 3 of self-obsessed are we ready the 10th law of self-obsession is taking control of your happiness and I say this this is the 10th law for this season

because this is something that I have been actually actively living and practicing while I've been going through these last 10 weeks recording all of these episodes this has been the newest addition to my life where I'm just in this habit right now where I'm waking up every day and I'm thinking what can I do today that I can look forward to what can I do today that's going to make me feel really happy and I try to incorporate at least one thing a day that just gives me joy and yes it's not possible every single

day we are busy we have responsibilities we got places to be but as long as the intentions there and you're trying to be as consistent as possible with it and that might mean making sure that you stay focused with your work all day so that you can have a movie night at night or taking yourself on a solo date guys I'm about to leave the studio in 10 minutes I'm going to the cinema on a solo date to celebrate the fact that I finished my podcast season rather than going straight home and going to bed

and just doing errands like I normally would it's always doing things in trying to incorporate Joy or or magic into my life to romanticize my life and just break up the mundane regular existence that I could live otherwise which eventually after a few weeks will leave me feeling bored and depleted and drained wondering why my life is so boring no we are ahead of the curve we are laying the foundations we are making sure that we are so accountable for our mental health and happiness and especially when it comes to mental health I am constantly

hacking my happy hormones that means exercising as regularly as possible I'm spending way more time walking in the morning in nature trying to get as much sunlight as I can I'm trying to spend more time with my loved ones or call them on the phone it's about giving yourself the permission to be happy I promise you that you are the creators of your own story and your own life and the difference between going to bed feeling so exhausted and miserable to start of the day versus going to bed feeling so happy and content with the

life that you live even if not all of your goals might be fulfilled that is not a factor in this okay that is not a factor it's about choosing how you want to receive every experience that you might have lived that day what better way to show yourself that you just love yourself so much than to make sure that you are putting your energy in high places and that you are making sure that you were just a happy individual and you were trying to extract Joy from as many things as you can and that brings

us to the end of season 3 of self-obsessed thank you guys so much for being with me on this journey throughout season 3 I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you please comment down below if you're watching on YouTube what was your favorite episode from this season I would love to know because already we're we're starting to plan season 4 and all of the topics and cont content so I'd love your recommendations as well but thank you guys I honestly I appreciate your support so much I see all the time your supportive messages the

fact that you guys subscribe so fast to the self-obsessed YouTube channel that you comment on every video like it just warms my heart so thank you so much I'm wishing you the best of luck on your self-obsessed journey and I know that even though I'm not going to be around on the podcast for the next 6 to 8 weeks I know that you guys are going to be putting in the work because the gires are accountable because the girlies are aware because the girlies stay educated I'm so proud of View and if you really need

your self-help fix be sure to check out my other YouTube channels where I'll still be uploading every single week I appreciate you and I will see you in November for the next podcast episode bye