Everybody likes the nice guy, and nice guys always win, right? Wrong. Welcome back, my name is Jessica, and this is my youtube channel.
In this video, I'm going to share with you habits that nice guys need to stop doing. Who is a nice guy? In the literal sense of the word, it's a guy who is agreeable, gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable, and it's a great thing to be a nice guy.
Unless, of course, people are using it in a derogatory way. Don't get me wrong; I'm not by this video saying that guys need to go out there and be mean to everybody and especially women. I am not saying that at all, but I am saying that there are some traits that make nice guys finish last and if you've ever wondered why bad guys quote on quote, always seem to get ahead, then hopefully, this video will give you some insights on why that keeps happening and what nice guys are doing wrong.
If you're a nice guy watching this video, at least you find yourself being called a nice guy by women, and you seem never to be able to score when it comes to women, then this video is for you because you're always ending up in the friend zone. Let's quickly jump into these habits that nice guys need to stop doing. Real quick, though, before I jump into the habits let's really dive into the characteristics of these nice guys, these so-called nice guys, right?
These are typically guys who believe that they're good and caring, and so they will get basically very fulfilling relationships in the end. Love and happiness will always be knocking at their doors, and they will be really, really fulfilled. Nice guys also typically offer to do things for women, and these include women they do not know and usually will go above and beyond for some woman out there and an attempt to come across as a nice guy.
Nice guys also typically avoid conflict or confrontation. If they have an opinion that's differing and guys just seem to be going out and butting heads about it, a nice guy will typically just watch everything unfold and keep his opinions to himself, not wanting to offend anyone. A nice guy will typically seek approval from others.
Nice guys are always looking for the right way to do things. They typically find it very difficult making tough decisions because they're people pleasers, and of course, they also are often emotionally dependent on their partners when they're in a relationship. Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Is it something that you do? I just proved to you that this video is for you. Habit, number one that you need to stop is being a people pleaser.
Let me tell you something that I discovered in life. You see, when you're young,g you might find yourself falling in that trap or in that space where you feel like you need to make the most friends. You need to get everybody to like you.
You need to try and make everybody happy. As you grow older, you tend to realize that you can't make everybody happy and you cannot be all things to all people, and indeed, if you attempt to do that, you will never be perfect enough for anyone. Neither will you even begin to love yourself because you set high standards for yourself and impossible standards for yourself and eventually, it's just going to eat away at your self-esteem.
Nice guys need to stop being people pleasers. They literally wake up every day thinking about who they can please today. If you're in an office with a nice guy, you might find yourself in trouble more often than not because he will always go above and beyond to help people, to come across as a better option for people, to make himself available to people and everybody would end up using him.
He doesn't see it as being used; however, he just feels like that's the only way he can get ahead, and that's the only way he will receive validation. If you're a nice guy, you need to stop being a people pleaser. I'm not saying do not try to please anyone at all.
Certainly, certain relationships are worth it. Familial relationships, for instance, or if you have an amorous relationship(CHECK THIS), you might every and ever so often want to impress or please your partner. However, this thing where it's a blanket thing for you, you just feel like you need to make the people around you happy whether they directly influence your life or not, is something you absolutely must put an end to put a stop to, okay?
Halt. Before I go any further, today's video is sponsored by PassionAir, a Ghanaian airline that operates in Ghana. Takes you from one Ghanaian city to the other.
If you are looking to explore the motherland, ever going to head towards Ghana for a trip an adventure of a lifetime, make sure you use PassionAir to get around. Number two, stop agreeing with everyone and everything. Now by this, I'm not saying go ahead and disagree with everybody all the time.
I'm simply saying that always know that your opinions are valid too. The way you feel about certain things carry weight, and feel free to articulate your position at any point in time. You don't have to be silent or be quiet or go with the flow simply because you do not want to offend people.
It's okay to disagree, and when you disagree with someone, it's not something that should be an argument. You can actually agree to disagree, right? You can actually disagree without pulling out knives and being at each other's throats.
When you pick a side, make sure you stick to it because a lot of nice guys seem to not have a mind of their own. They're wishy-washy. It's like today they're here; tomorrow they're there just depends on which team they want to please more which person they want to please more.
When you're a man, it's important that you always have a mind of your own, an opinion of your own, and let it be known at every opportunity because there are other alpha men who are looking to own that spot as easy and as fast as they can whenever they walk into a space. Listen, if you find yourself agreeing with everyone, you might be undercutting your individuality. Another habit nice guys need to kick to the curb is saying yes to everybody.
Essentially what I'm saying is learn to say no. When you learn to say no, you free yourself from so many things that can hold you down. So here's a typical example of things that I've heard happen over and over again, and if you have a male friend, chances are you've heard the story too.
He goes out with her to a restaurant she's taking advantage of him, orders the most expensive things on the menu and then when the bill comes, even though he knows he has just enough to order a ride back home, he will use that money to pay for the extras that the girl wants and then it's two things he either walks back home or phones up a friend to rescue him. This happens all the time, and you see this is something that you could have easily avoided if you simply learned to say no. You see, men feel like they always need to come out tough and strong, and it has its own advantages, but I also feel like you don't have to be a nice guy to your own detriment.
Where you're out at a restaurant, if she's ordering more than you could afford to pay for, just tell her, “oh I actually didn't carry a lot of money today, so if you want extras, you're going to have to pay for it. ” It's as simple as that, or no, I can't afford this particular meal right now, but if you'd like another option on the menu, you're free to pick it. Listen, if because of that the girl never wants to see you again, so be it because she obviously doesn't care; she's out to just spend your money, and it's obvious, right?
Let her go, and this isn't just a matter of only when you're trying to build relationships; this applies to every other aspect of your life. Don't feel the need to overthink it. How are they going to feel, or they're gonna feel bad if you say no?
No, put yourself first. Everybody else is doing that, so don't think that by doing so, suddenly you become the bad guy. In fact, anyone who truly appreciates you for who you are will understand if you come clean and say no I cannot do this because of x y and z and in other cases you don't even have to offer an explanation.
A simple no, a firm no, should suffice. If you don't remember anything I've said in this tip, all I'm saying is learn to recognize manipulative behavior because if you do not learn to say no, you are going to be manipulated not just by women but by every single person you encounter. Before I move into the next point, quick reminder that if you'd like to engage with me on this channel, there various ways that you can do so; you can either join my channel as a member, just click on the join button you'll find at the bottom of this video.
alternatively, you can find me on Patreon at patreon. com/jessicaos. remember, you can check out my website as well, jessicaos.
com. I've got most of the stuff I talk about on that particular vlog, and if you haven't had a chance to go through my merch store, make sure you do that below as well. I've got some pretty exciting stuff that you need to see as summer approaches.
Back to the video. The next thing you need to do is to draw the line. Don't allow people to insult you, don't allow people to disrespect you, don't allow people to take you for granted.
Being nice doesn't mean being stupid. Stand up for yourself. If, for instance, a co-worker decides to pass off your idea as his or hers, call them to order.
You're not a coward. Let them know that this was your idea and they stole it and let everybody know what's going on. If you agree with a woman to go out on a date and for some reason she decides not to show, doesn't call you, doesn't text, I mean just literally ghosts you.
Feel free to call her out as well, call her out. It was rude; you should let her know, and that way, the next time you set up a date, she will know not to treat you that way. See, what people don't realize is we allow people to treat us the way they do.
People continue to treat you badly if you tolerate bad behavior. People will continue to treat you in a certain way if you do not speak up for yourself. So you can actually still be a nice guy or just make sure that when people cross that line with you, they cross that barrier; you're quick to point it out and let them know that you did not appreciate that.
If for nothing at all, they will respect you even if they don't say it. The last thing you want to be is a doormat. Be a nice guy but kill those habits that make people look down on you and take advantage of you.
I hope this video was helpful.
