Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me I'm Peter Owen Jones I'm a Vicor in the Church of England and I'm turning my world upside down I'm on an extreme spiritual journey to find Oneness with God in the eyes of three world religions I'm seeking the spiritual enlightenment that I believe we in Britain once had but have now lost okay it's not easy this journey into alien worlds is testing my physical and mental endurance to the Limit I can't go any further I've lived with the Kung Fu monks of central China and the
wandering Mystics of the Himalayas this is God In Color exploring the minds of men and women who have renounced the material world forever and who claim to be at one with their creator I'm trying to test their beliefs for myself in this program I'm going to relive the experiences of the early Christian Hermits in the Egyptian desert men who spent entire life shut away from Humanity for the love of God I know that their Divine knowledge Was Won by hardship pain and privation I you get a bit freaked out at night and to learn from
them I I have to become an extreme Pilgrim why is it all about [Music] you I'm starting my last journey in Egypt in Cairo the city of a thousand mosques as in all large modern cities I'm surrounded by images and icons Brands urging me down One path or another but I want to get into the mind of one of the most potent icons of all St Anthony of the desert a man who changed the course of Christianity I'm going to the desert this is actually my own Christian tradition I'll be looking at the founder of
the monastic movement St Anthony uh he was the man who uh 1 18800 years ago went out into the desert to face his Temptations to face his demons but this what he did began the Christian monastic tradition to try and understand his experience I'm going to be trekking across the desert and then living on my own in a mountain cave for 3 weeks so I'm heading south on the highway out of Cairo to retrace his journey which was all those centuries ago a new route to Salvation certainly it was a very different calling from my
own he maketh his Angel spirits and his Ministers of flaming fire he laid the foundations of the earth that it should never move at any time I've been a priest for 14 years my parishes are in the suset downs I do try to feel God and The Wonder of his creation here in my garden and in the surrounding Countryside but my work is like it or not within a church that has for at least 450 years been framed by the state I feel I'm more of a civil servant than God's suffering servant and the blessing
of God Almighty the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit be with us all now and always amen amen I know that out in the Egyptian desert there is another way to God and it is by no means comfortable whenever I talk about this it's the moment which everyone goes oh are you really sure you can do that and um I'm not really sure I can do it actually it's the one which scares me the most because there's no Escape there's no distraction uh that's why why young men and women went into the desert so
that because there was no escape and there was no distraction and they had to deal with what we now call issues they had to deal with their own issues and and there was no running away from them and um I'm not sure I really want to deal with my [Music] issues St Anthony was born around 251 ad into a wealthy landowning family in the fertile Nile valy even today his birthplace is known as the village of the monk antonus Antonius was he born [Music] here on the other side of the Nile can we get a
boat to take us across at the age of 18 both of St Anthony's parents died and it was then he gave away all his possessions he gave up all his land and took a boat across the Nile to really a completely new life to become a new man to do battle with the devil um to fight these Temptations uh what he called inclinations what St Anthony is doing as well as giving up everything he is forgoing Comfort he's forgoing mental and material um security of all types and I've I've always regarded this as an essential
part of the religious experience and so I've been really waiting 40 years to do this perhaps that's why it's so daunting because I will have to confront all my romantic stupid primarily I would imagine romantic illusions that go with that St Anthony spent the next 20 years here gradually removing himself from society much of this time was spent praying alone in an abandoned fonic tomb and the church here was built over it in his memory [Music] but what a beautiful place I love fact it's full of birds church is full of birds so here this
is where St Anthony literally incarcerated himself a sweet sweet little prize people have left it feels like a shrine St Anthony is not forgotten here I still can't work out why why would anyone choose to do it total renunciation of all contact of all comfort why why would anyone do that and why is that a rad to God why can't the road to God be eating tomato and basil soup and going up and having a lovely day why can't that be a ra to God why does it have to involve all this deprivation pain starvation
and torture why but this was just training for his journey ahead much later in St Anthony's life God told him in a vision to head out into the desert and cut himself off completely on the way he met some bedwin who took him to a mountain where he later founded the world's first Monastery going to follow the route that St Anthony actually took he journeyed for 3 Days across the desert to what is now the place of St Anthony's Monastery and um these P who are very kindly agreed to take me with them hello their
Chief is an older man called abues he's Keen to help me but I sense some doubt in him that I'm up to the task I do not know until I have tried thank you I think St Anthony's Monastery is that way well luckily I have you very kind gentlemen to guide me I've heard that camels are the grumpiest of God's creatures and that they're prone to spitting at people they don't like so I'm hoping that this is a match made in heaven we head off directly into the desert after my hat is blown off for
the second time they decide I should adopt a more practical form of headwear [Music] okay [Music] [Music] the Caravan soon settles into a relaxed pace our objective is a distant range of [Music] mountains [Music] we stop twice a day for AR rest and for something to eat and after the hustle and bustle of the Egyptian towns and Villages I'm Amazed by the almost overpowering silence really is in the absence of voices there is just nothing there is no other sound other than itself St Anthony would have lived on a very simple diet of bread and
water for the bin it probably hasn't changed much since then I'm struck by how little these men of the desert need except of course camels how how many camels do you have through your life does a man seek to own an awful lot of camels in Australia they are a real problem because there were just a few and now there are thousands and thousands all over for the bush I have an uncle in Australia I will ask him to post you a camel if you could have anything if you if you could have anything in
the world what would it be anything as well [Music] St Antony's biography tells me that the devil often tried to tempt St Anthony away from his chosen path by placing gold and silver discs in the desert sand if he'd been riding a camel all day as I have I'm sure he'd have been too stiff to get off and pick them up the reason why I am on the camel and they are not as as I don't think I shall ever be able to walk [Music] again [Music] my hips feel like they're in my armpits you
think it's [Music] funny my one concession to luxury a pillow what a day I'm bushed on the second day the terrain changes as we pick our way across the dunes but there's still plenty of trees this place can sustain life if you know how and the bedwin are Masters at it mindful of my solitary life ahead I ask Abu aish how he copes alone in the [Music] desert you get sad here I am worried if I'm alone here I'm going to be alone here for for many days will I get sad uh for way by
the end of the day the mountains Loom up ahead these Cliffs are littered with caves and St Anthony spent the last 43 years of his life in one of them others followed his example and they became known to Christianity as the desert fathers in a sense they were following in the footsteps of the Old Testament prophets and later Christ himself his 40 days and nights spent in the wilderness were instrumental in founding his ministry and Jesus went back into society but the desert fathers spent lifetimes in places like this perhaps by limiting their choices St
Anthony and his followers could have avoid the Temptations of Earthly desires but I'm not altogether convinced it's how we actually distinguish what's a healthy desire and what's an unhealthy desire and I think over you know we've had 1,800 years since St Anthony to mull this over and you know are things exactly the same are we to view things in exactly the same way meanwhile abu's curiosity is not going to let me forget my own dilemas the best day in my life was when I married my wife and the saddest day in my life was when
we we decided we had to live aart uh [Music] during the Silence of the night I've been taking stock of my life I'm 49 years old and like so many separated men of my age I live apart from my children and it often and hurts we have so many choices and opportunities in life perhaps too many opportunities to make the wrong choices maybe the desert life pairs everything back to more simple fundamental [Music] decisions so it's a quiet torturous last days journey across the Stony desert my thoughts turning increasingly towards the spiritual challenge ahead At
Last I get my first glimpse of the monastery of St Anthony built at the foot of a mountain by his followers it's the oldest Monastery in the world [Music] [Applause] such kindness such humor it's not until I get inside that I realized how huge the monastery is and how green it's come in off the desert and suddenly to be confronted with roses wonderful I look they growing leaks as well in St Antony's Journal they mentioned that there was a spring here there would be no life here it would this would be utterly utterly arid um
if it wasn't for the spring and St Anthony would not have been able to survive here without that spring um but it's been put to good use here beautiful beautiful it's that's something sand people have made from Star [Music] Wars the monastery has grown beyond all recognition since the time of St Anthony and I'm dying to see what kind of rituals the monks practice [Music] [Music] here k k Christianity came here with St Mark from the Holy Land in the first century and it flourished all over Egypt until the rise of Islam in the 7th
Century now only 10% of Egyptians are Coptic Christian there are many aspects to the service that I recognize and many that are strange to me especially the prostration in prayer that stems back to the earliest Christian practice it was later adopted by [Music] [Applause] Islam I find it all strangely beguiling almost mystical it really is a world away from my own Protestant tradition in an Egypt where religion is becoming increasingly polarized the number of monks here has gone up from 10 to over a 100 over the last few years the monks though are here to
pray each one has left his old secular world forever and even had his name changed but few have chosen the solitary life except one and he's the monk I'm seeking his cave is next to the cave of St Anthony oh he so he he he's an aesthetic living in the cave next to next to St Anthony his father Lazarus father Lazarus yeah I'll go and see him tomorrow morning if I may would that be all right yeah I hope you can find him I need to find myself a cave and I'm hoping that the mysterious
father Lazarus will help he lives alone 1,000 ft up the mountain side usually they're cans here there are crosses I can't imagine anyone living up there at all there he is I would imagine that is one father Lazarus what a scene well it's like going to meet the wizard a lot of these guys just went mad you know living on incredibly meager diets which most health experts would say is almost impossible to do these days I wonder what he's like [Applause] father Lazarus I'm sorry I'm late no problem I took a wrong turn no problem
I end up the wrong Valley come sit down thank you say a prayer okay say the name of the Lord he takes me immediately into the coolness of his cave and get straight to the point I want to know forgive me for the question but it's necessary to ask it how conscious are you of your sin very good because unless you feel some repentance this cave life will be useless to be without without meaning I agree this is a life of penitence this is the first thing and the second thing you are here to bless
the World by prayer not by a long list of names no by being awake in the spirit by being awake in your soul this a wakefulness to the Lord this is a blessing on the world in itself it's near father Lazarus has a second cave further up the mountain he very kindly allows me to use this one to stay in for the next 3 weeks so when I came here it was just this small cave that you can see here yes but it comes with house rules I eat in here you eat in there and
I never eat in there okay it's only for prayer okay so this is for you see the White gate yes the white door yes you see this one the Naro narrow the narrow way this is the way to heaven this is the way to the other place yeah it's very well stocked father Lazarus the kitchen yes yeah but not for you not interesting to you because I have um coffee yeah and coffee and coffee and coffee Turkish coffee yes espresso and N cafee wonderful many many monks they take this name in every monaster you'll find
one monk called AB Abdul msah Abdul M the slave of Christ the lord yeah yes the slave of the Messiah and this is a name of Pride you know what my father called me Abdul Nescafe you your slave of nfe well I have managed to um I have defeated that already you're already climbing up very high now I've defeated the demon of nfe yeah if you are Abdul Nescafe I'm Abdul nicus Nicos not good not good really no the whole place looks like a prehistoric Lego set but father Lazarus has conceived every nook and every
cranny to have a specific religious use come you have got your boots on you better take them off yeah you put yourself in humility you bow your head right okay you should touch your forehead on the ground as the morning wears on I realize that I am face to face with a living embodiment of St Anthony's view of the world the kind of prayer which we live by in the desert is an interior dialogue so when you come to see me here and you see that I'm one person living here you think oh this is
very peaceful place this is not peaceful place this is like hell this is like a fire this is like a war like a Battleground because I am here hoping hoping and hoping and hoping to pray enough to get me past the devil past Satan and he is struggling struggling and struggling to pull me down if you stay sometime here and if you try to pray to God with faith and with love Satan will attack you he will he will not allow you to pass without without intimidation I had another one like you who came before
German man doctor I said okay stay here pray and I'll come to see you after 2 or 3 days how are you going the next night he came running he was shaking said father I can't I can't I can't I can't stay there the man was was in Terror M the room was full of of of tension and pressure and it was going to explode and he couldn't even his body was was suffering the pressure of this of this presence and he couldn't bear it but this was satanic domination on him just to get him
out and he went and he went back home you might find some physical uh difficulties you might get sick you might get I don't know you might fall down anything might happen to you but it will not be from you it'll be from him back at the monastery that evening I feel I have entered an almost incomprehensible world I can't sleep after today's encounter I'm beginning to have real misgivings about spending any time alone up there after all the bishop here won't let any of his younger monks into the caves what I can't work out
is whether or not we generate the demons from our own belief system or whether they rather worryingly are there waiting for the next sucker to go and sit in that cave it just really freaked me out actually it's just a really deeply unpleasant Prospect you know having to deal with being assaulted by Satan and and I'm pissed off about that because I think how how how dare you just leave me alone just let me get on with my prayer and just leave me be I pissed off about it father Lazarus lends me a hand up
to the cave with all my stuff I'm sure it will be okay it's not like being held hostage against my will but I'm still troubled this is an alien and extreme theology I struggle with this so much because I find it such a bleak view I suppose of Being Human that we are programmed for sinful Behavior I certainly am and um and that the only way to to Perfection is six offices of prayer a day getting up at midnight One Hour of Prayer mindful of God is worth more than a lifetime of of beneficent service
in me all mankind lives so if I pray all mankind prays if I don't pray all mankind turns from God so if you think like this if you see yourself as the iconic embodiment of humanity standing before God you will pray because you will be terrified not to pray you will achieve pardon for yourself and for others this is the guarantee of the desert God bless you [Music] father I'll see you [Music] around [Music] [Music] I'm going to have a cup of tea [Music] today the crew go to I will be left food and water
at the bottom of the hill every 3 days the director has given me a camera with which to record my thoughts and occasionally I'll see him filming from a distance other than that I'm completely on my own for the next 3 weeks there it is the cave amazing to think that father lus has spent eight years in here Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me a sner lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me a sinner Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me a sinner Lord Jesus Christ
Son of God have mercy on me Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me son Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy oh Lord master and almighty God the father of our Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ all Envy all temptation all works of Satan all intrigues of the wicked or rising up of enemy seen and unseen do cast away from us oh thou my Creator behold into thy hands I commend my spirit so cover me with the wings of goodness lest I
sleep unto death Enlighten my eyes with the Excellence of thy sayings I need to do a bit of physical otherwise I will go start raving mad 18 [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] l did any of that record because it's so quiet up here it's like being incarcerated in a French surrealist movie where every single Echo every single sound you know and they stir their cup of coffee and it takes 15 seconds and all you hear is some sugar lump dissolving and the spoon going round in the mesh of the mesh of coffee up here every
single sound especially at night is utterly magnified it's just sharp sharp only come in number 77 the Boating L come in number 77 your time is up yes yes you in the yellow striped shirt yes oh no no what can one do with a moldy tomato bipolar you know sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm very sad I think it's camping that's what's doing it that's why I keep getting 10 green bottles hanging on the one man went to Mo went to Mo and it's all coming back to me sitting in the back of of the
car with the rustles I need Deep Purple now the oh God absolve remit and forgive our sins those we have Comm committed willingly and unwillingly wittingly and unwittingly the hidden and the VIS well I'm not sure what time it is it's uh the middle of the night I know that and um it's very windy outside and I can't sleep again I'm having to uh leave the confines of the cave on a very regular basis to go to uh the L to put it bluntly I've done my prayers and um I just lie here now until
the alarm goes off at 4:30 really I'm really not feel feeling great actually you know I just Veer from feeling okay sometimes feeling good to this utter feeling of total loneliness and dejection and um I try and pray all the time but the mountain is so very steep at the moment and I just want to go home I don't want to be put through this fire and it is a fire myself I'm praying for him that he will accept accept this pressure not resist it to resist it is hard you must accept that you are
in water up to your neck so I'm hoping that even now he's accepting that this pressure against prayer is part of his necessary experience this might last a few days I'm not sure I really like this theology very much I'm not really sure that I I like this whole approach the whole idea that we are constantly under assault from demons is really pretty nasty actually it's nasty stuff and the more we pray the more we seek God the more the demons are out to consume us and devour us i' see no purpose whatsoever in a
loving God a loving father sending his children out to play in a field full of snakes and if there is such a thing as Satan and there is definitely a dark force then it is in all of us and it is possible in that sense to defeat that dark force but that is an internal battle an internal battle with our natural weaknesses how do we overcome those he must be going through the hill of reflection if he stays for some two weeks following his prayer rule successfully he will feel natural peace natural Comfort natural relief
at being alone if he goes to the third stage where he gets some Glory this is what we can pray for I don't know if Father Peter will receive from God this Grace I hope I pray that he will taste it at least about as far away from an English garden as he could get I miss my garden the lovely comfort of the South Downs The Wonder of my children it's so guilt ridden it's so just so guilt ridden all the time you know am I allowed am I allowed to to to love to love
this flower to love that carrot that I have grown to love that pint of beer why is it all about you the prayer of the sixth hour of this blessed day instituted to call to mind our Lord's passion and crucifixion upon gol gotha hear my prayer oh God give ear to the words of my mouth for strangers are risen up against me in oppress to seek after my soul oh Lord who alone art without sin have mercy upon us support us and accept our prayers the wild dogs are outside I hear them so I'm just
going to stay there in here I had a really bad night and um just racked with fear really for no good reason other than my own uselessness really and in the middle of the night I heard these steps coming down the hill big heavy steps and I woke I woke as they were coming down and this morning this appeared with a [Applause] not dear father the pizza voila voila the pickaxe happy step making next Thursday midnight Advance your clock 1 R to 1:00 a.m. summertime Lazarus happy step [Applause] happy step tuna great lovely thank you
Lord for this food for all that you give for all that we will become through understanding how much we are loved amen I've sort of gone into myself and become horribly reflective um and in that place I'm facing all the Rel liances I have upon comfortable sinful Behavior you know they're just little things they're just little things they start off as little they're rewards and excuses oh it'll be all right I'll just have one more oh it'll be all right I just this once you it be okay it won't happen again I mean it grows
into a habit and up here without those seductions at hand you're very vulnerable indeed I cannot do this I cannot do this if you are doing that I'm not going to hurt you I'm just going to catch you again gotcha sort of that no no Lord have mercy Christ have mercy Lord have mercy Christ have mercy Lord have mercy Christ have mercy Lord have mercy Christ have mercy Lord have mercy Christ have mercy Lord have mercy Christ Have Mercy I've taken solace in the fact that Christ said some wonderful Words which were in my father's
house there are many rooms and to a certain extent I think we choose the rooms that we inhabit the mistake is to assume that all rooms should either be like that or all rooms are like that they're not the room that St Anthony chose to inhabit it's really a very fearful place but very very very few of us would choose to go into knowingly and it speaks immensely of his bravery and his faith that he was able to endure it I can see you no good trying to hide Boris skipping and jumping but it's great
to see you mate Happy Hunting it's been quite a good day today they just get quet and quet as my head calms down so everything else calms down and I'm able to accept the silence and enjoy it anyway I've got to go some sleep [Music] I was angry and frightened at the [Music] beginning and now I am really really really beginning to love it which is a worry and I can see the goodness in it the goodness is the struggle and to be aware that it is a struggle to be aware that we are constantly
making choices between the good and bad the good choice and the bad choice I'm not very good at it but I've come to acknowledge since being here the importance of that struggle and that it is an eternal human struggle and that not to engage in it means that we just fall asleep we become numb and I was numb when I got here I know that now I was and I'm beginning I'm beginning to come alive again now and it's painful it's it's really painful it's like being born but it's true it's true so there we
go another day another beautiful day another difficult day must be inside W that's great to see how are you H I'm sort of yeah getting there I'm getting there now getting there yeah yeah hey but you losing weight yeah I've lost a lot all the way oh are you okay yeah no I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine yeah half the half the father I left before now but I think this this is face is uh from Mountain gift of mountain now yes yeah I think you look different oh well I've got no idea what I
look like so I'm me also I don't know what I look like I know what you look like I know what do you look like too I have found seeds and planted them and they have grown than to this uh my Springs are in the psalm 87 it's very beautiful thank you Father s i I don't know how long it will survive no no no it's because the animals will come of course they will well it's there for as long as it's there thank you so much that's all right thank you for being there made
such a difference that you were just there I I want to bless father bless you with this thought to carry with you this cuz you'll go back to a place where there's full of full of things so I want you to carry this this emptiness you this full emptiness the full emptiness of the desert well thank you Father I will never forget it I could never forget it because it says in the in the in Matthew I think that the one who stays to the end he will be saved you know so I have to
stay here till the end okay but I hope that you will also inside interiorly that you will you will stay in the desert even even when you are gone back and you will stay to be saved by this uh by this full peace this speaking piece in his non St it's also an end to my far-flung quest to find the meaning of Enlightenment I have found it in many places in China the Chan Buddhists taught me that their own non-attachment to the world is a service to humanity in India the holy men showed me how
to do that so service through austerity and self-denial in this silence I've realized the value of my prayer something I've neglected and reaffirm my belief that my calling lies with people too to love and to serve them as best I can and so we part father Lazarus to stay and me to return to my duties in the parishes that I serve sal [Music] sal my father coming up over on BBC 1 the 10:00 news live from Beijing where Gordon Brown is making his first visit as prime minister 2008 is all set to be the year
of China join us at 10
