Toxic Mother-In-Law Told Me I Wasn't "Family" Right Before Our Vacation. So My Husband & I Ditched..

toxic mother-in-law told me I wasn't family right before our vacation so my husband and I ditched them at the airport and went on our own trip so a few days ago my husband's family and I were about to leave for a family vacation they have a ritual of having an annual family vacation where my in-laws all get together pick a destination and take a week off of everything to travel my husband 30m and I 30f got married recently but we'd been together for 3 years before and I was quite excited to be a part of

this for the first time the year before this while we were engaged he he asked me to join him but since his family hadn't asked me I felt weird and said no but this time my mother-in-law Sandra asked me to join them and that was a pretty big deal I had a feeling that Sandra didn't really like me before since she had never made me feel welcome as part of the family she had been outright mean to me but she just wasn't as nice to me as she was to other people and always seemed a

little distant and kind of cold when it came to me I think a major part of the reason that she seemed to dislike me was because when we started dating my husband moved out of their house and started living with me instead I think that's about the time that her behavior towards me started changing and getting colder but obviously she couldn't hold it against me so she tried to cover it up as much as she could but I picked up on certain things and I knew that she didn't like the fact that I was the

reason her son had moved out of the family home to live with me I'm quite independent and have been living away from my parents ever since I started college so moving in with his parents was never an option for me living with his family or even mine was never on the cards for me and was pretty much a non-negotiable I wasn't going to do that after marriage and I certainly wasn't going to entertain living with his parents or love close to them and have them drop by every other day while we were dating I don't

think there was anything unreasonable about what I wanted and I was perfectly clear about these things with my husband when we first started dating and talking about moving in together and he was okay with it and as long as he was fine with it I didn't see any reason for anybody else to feel negatively about it he had also been considering getting a place of his own and moving out but the only thing that had been stopping him was the fact that his mother wanted everybody to live together Under One Roof or at least close

by so the family could get together on the weekends or even every other day and so far she had managed to make it happen my husband has an older sister who's married and has a daughter after getting married she moved out of the family home because of space issues but she just moved down the street and they get together every other day so I feel like Sandra feels that that is the only normal way to live and what I want is unreasonable because she is used to having her kids around all the time but my

husband prefers to live with me away from his family since he says that he grew up with having absolutely zero privacy and he appreciates the space now so my husband and I are quite happy with our living arrangements but I know that somewhere Sandra holds me responsible for this and maybe feels like I am the reason her son doesn't want to live with his family anymore that's the only reason I can think of for her not liking me because apart from that I have always been very pleasant to my husband's family and have done my

best to assimilate into his family but even that's not enough apparently because a couple of days ago Sandra let me know that she still doesn't consider me family even though I married her son just a couple of months ago we had been planning the family vacation for months and I had played an active role in it now usually how these things go is that my husband's parents pay for all of it and it's never any trouble for them because they are quite well off I had assumed that it would be the same this time around

as well because my husband had told me that we did not need to worry about the money beforehand just to be clear I didn't have a problem with paying for myself but I had been told that I wouldn't need to so when right before the day that we were supposed to leave for our vacation Sandra sat me down and told me that I would need to pay for myself it came as quite a shock to me she had invited me over and said that she wanted to discuss certain things about the trip so I had

gone over by myself since my husband was finishing up work before he took time off she went on to tell me that this was meant to be a family vacation and that is why she and her husband would cover all the expenses every year but unfortunately they didn't consider me family just yet because they felt like they hadn't gotten to know me that well and so she expected me to pay for myself but not make much of a fuss out of it because that would just spoil the prev vacation Vibe and she didn't want to

start off on a bad note she didn't stop there and decided to make things worse by telling me that the reason she didn't consider me close enough to call family was because unlike her son-in-law she failed like she rarely ever got to see me and my husband because we never visited as often as the others and that was one of the reasons why she felt like I wasn't family just yet I was obviously very hurt by what she said because I felt like I had tried hard to get along with his family even though Sandra

had made it very clear to me that she didn't exactly approve of me and all along she had led me to believe that I was finally part of the family by letting me be part of the planning for the vacation she could have been upfront with me right from the beginning and I would have been okay with it but telling me about this right before the day that we were supposed to leave just seemed unnecessarily cruel and mean but I tried my best to hide my feelings and make it seem as though I was okay

with this and I understood while on the inside I was actually really upset I didn't want to say anything until I had discussed this with my husband because I didn't want to react quickly and let my anger get the better of me so I told her that it was okay and that I understood where she was coming from so I would obviously pay for myself she was a little surprised when I said that it was all fine and I could tell that this was not the reaction that she had hoped for but I didn't stick

around to talk to her afterward and headed back home it was all I could do to keep myself from bursting into tears as soon as I came home but I tried to be calm and explain everything to my husband when he saw that I was visibly upset and asked me what had gone down at his mother's house he was Furious and told me that he was going to cancel the vacation then in there because he had no interest in spending any more time with his mother after the way she had insulted me and then I

told him that I had suspected that she didn't like me for quite some time but I never brought it up because it was just a dumb theory that I had come up with to explain why she was always so cold to me but now I was beginning to feel that it wasn't just a theory after all and there might be some truth to it I explained to him how his mother's Behavior towards me had changed when he moved out to live with me and she started acting cold towards me after that also what she had

said about me not being close enough to be considered family because I didn't visit them often all pointed towards the same explanation when I told him about it he said that it could be true because he had always known that family meant a lot to his mother and she wanted him to at least live nearby and she had been pretty upset when he had first told her that he would be moving out to live with me and that he didn't want to rent a house closer to home because he needed his personal space even though

Sandra hadn't shown it at the time she probably blamed me for it and was still holding it against me which explained her behavior however that was still not an excuse to be so cruel to me and try to humiliate me right before we left for our vacation I felt awful that day and while we were talking my husband and I I decided that canceling the vacation and telling her off just wasn't good enough because I wanted her to feel just as bad as I had felt so he and I decided that we would go along

with their plan and meet at the airport the next day but instead of accompanying them we would just take a flight somewhere else and leave them at the airport by the time they could understand what was going on it would be too late and we would already be Someplace Else by then it was a perfectly foolproof plan and we went through with it and got back to Sandra the very next day we met the family at the airport just as we had planned but then we excused ourselves saying that we wanted to get some photos

clicked and walked away away they did not suspect a thing because they were too busy talking among themselves so we headed over to the counter and purchased us two tickets to a flight that would take off the earliest and to a desirable destination we ended up picking San Francisco and right now we're here and it's really fun we were supposed to go to Miami but I prefer this because it's just me and my husband without anyone who doesn't like me of course by the time we had purchased the tickets and taken our seats on the

flight his family had figured out that something was off and tried to call us several times they had even texted us but we had just ignored all of it luckily an airport is a pretty big place and they were not able to find us in time to stop us or confront us and we were able to reach our destination without much drama once our flight landed we finally decided to get back to them and my husband told everybody the truth in the family text threat he told them about what Sandra had said to me the

day before and said that since this was supposed to be a family vacation and I wasn't family we had decided that we had better stay out of this all together out of respect for her we had expected Sandra to be mad at us and maybe my father-in-law but we hadn't expected the entire family to turn against us everybody seemed pretty mad because we had abandoned them at the airport and they had been worried sick for us they had still taken their flight though so I don't understand what they were so pissed about anyway they told

us that it was really irresponsible and selfish of us to just go MIA without a word and leave them wondering about us they were especially upset with me because they didn't think that Sandra's words warranted such Extreme Action they believed that I shouldn't even have thought that they were going to cover for me to come on the family vacation and that it had been my mistake not to offer to pay for myself and just assume that I could come with him for free seeing as how I hadn't made an effort to really become a part

of the they said that I had never tried to attend their weekly family dinners or even keep in touch with them online and chat with them every day which they do apparently it felt like I had no time for them and while they respected that they couldn't allow me to use them and treat them like banks that is why Sandra had felt the need to clarify that they were not going to be paying for me to join them on the vacation simply because I hadn't made an effort to get along with them and neither had

I even offered to pay for myself I felt really insulted because I earned my own money and I would never expect somebody else to pay for me so for them to imply that I was being in and self-centered was really not okay with me I told them that their expectations were absolutely unrealistic and didn't even make sense they claimed that they had dinner together weekly but it was really every other day and it was completely unfair of them to expect my husband and I to drive all the way to their house after work and have

dinner with them so often we wanted some personal space and yet we still tried our very best to visit them at least once every one or two weeks so they wouldn't feel bad and this had been going on since way before we were even married I felt like they were totally overlooking that on purpose just to make it feel like I was in the wrong here when I really wasn't and I knew it so I reminded them exactly how hard I had tried to become a part of their family to the best of my abilities

and if that was still not enough for them then there was not much that my husband and I could do now they were pissed and said that we were being immature and had ruined their vacation with our selfishness Ida for going away with my husband separately from his family edit I feel like I had to make this clear because a lot of the comments were accusing me of isolating my husband and that's a really heavy accusation to Levy against someone let me just say that it wasn't just me who thought that the family getting together

was a little excessive and unnecessary no family needs to meet every other day for lunch and dinner at that point you might as well be living together and what was the point of moving away from them if he was just going to visit them every single day my husband also wanted this not just me the two of us had decided that we were going to live a little distance away from them and try to limit our visit to his family to maybe once a week they were not happy about it but this is what both

of us wanted it wasn't a decision that I made single-handedly so I think it's unfair of everybody to just blame me for it and that's exactly what his family is doing I didn't need it from people on Reddit as well anyway the point is that my husband was equally a part of this decision as me neither of us wanted to meet his family every other day and as for what they said about me expecting them to pay for my plane tickets and take me on vacation with them when I hadn't even made an effort to

really get to know them and become a part of the family I don't think any of that is true I did not expect them or feel entitled for them to cover me for the vacation and if they had told me right from the beginning that they expected me to cover my own expenses for the vacation I would have either agreed to it or I just wouldn't have gone but for Sandra to sit me down one day before the vacation and tell me that that my expenses weren't going to be covered by them because I wasn't

family that just felt premeditated and a deliberate move to make me feel bad I would not have had a problem paying for myself as I already mentioned above they have unreasonable expectations but I don't and yes I have tried really hard to get along with them they're saying that I didn't try to become a part of the family just because I didn't go to their house every other day it's just ridiculous I did try very hard to get them to like me and I thought it was just Sandra who didn't approve of me but as

it turns out none of them like me as much as I thought they did and that just sucks update one so my husband and I are still on vacation but his family is it's being a total pain I have realized that they're being mad at me for not wanting to practically live with them was very unreasonable and I don't need to sacrifice my personal space and privacy just to please them if they want to be mad at me then fine they can go ahead and be mad but I just wish that they wouldn't make it

a point to let us know that they are mad because we know we just don't care and they really need to accept it just yesterday they decided to text me because texting my husband wasn't working and told me that whatever I was trying to do to their family was going to fail because their relationships were way too strong for someone like me to break I thought it was needlessly dramatic of them to make such a big deal out of this because as far as I was concerned I hadn't done anything to break them apart that

they had insulted me and that is why my husband and I had decided to separate from them once again they have failed to realize that my husband has free will as well and I can't exactly force him to do anything that he doesn't want to do so if we decided to have a separate vacation away from them it was because my husband wanted the same thing and I know that it was difficult for them to accept it but it was the truth I texted them back saying that my husband did didn't want to spend his

vacation with them and both of us had decided on this so it was really silly of them to just blame me I also told them that if they had just treated me decently instead of being horrible then maybe my husband wouldn't have even wanted to separate from them so if they wanted to blame somebody then they should just blame themselves Sandra had been sending me those texts but I knew that the entire family agreed with her and it was a shared sentiment that I was somehow controlling my husband and forcing him to break away from

his family I didn't want to engage with her or anybody else from his family after I had said whatever I wanted to tell them so I decided to block them all and focus on my vacation because I had taken time off for this and I wasn't about to let it go to waste I told my husband about the text and he told me to just ignore it because there was no point in trying to explain anything to them they were too caught up among themselves to consider that maybe we just want to lead a normal

life and it wouldn't be possible if we were living with them or even around them they're all just really dramatic update too so we finally came back from our vacation last night and it was a really fun couple of days but now that it's over it's back to work now we were expecting to have a peaceful week back here but that's not going to be possible because his family also returned today we had no contact with his family when we were on vacation because both of us had blocked them all on every social media platform

and we had also blocked their numbers they didn't know where we were so they couldn't get to us in any way it had been quite peaceful away from them and the drama but now that we are back and so are they they wasted no time in trying to reach out to us only to create drama we had just come back home from a long day at work when we heard somebody at our doorstep ringing the bell like nobody's business we knew that it had to be somebody from my husband's family even before we opened the

door and sure enough it was Sandra standing right outside we didn't want her to come inside and told her that we were really tired from work and we not interested in speaking to her right now but she pushed past us and entered the living room anyway I was really annoyed and told her that I wanted her out of my house because the way she had behaved with me before the vacation was absolutely unacceptable and I had nothing to say to her and neither did I want to hear from her because I just knew that she

was going to find a way to blame me for everything but instead she told me to shut up and said that she wasn't here to talk to me anyway she was here to talk to her son so I needed to stay quiet I didn't like the tone that she took with me so I told her that you couldn't speak to me that way especially when she was under my roof that was all I needed to say to piss her off really bad because then she started yelling at me like crazy and accused me of a

bunch of things like trying to isolate her son and trying to put her down in front of him so he loses respect for her she told me that she had always known that this day was going to come because I had always been a home wrecker and I couldn't stand to see the fact that my husband was close with his family because that would just mean that I had less control over him she called me a psycho and said that she was here to rescue her son before it was too late and I had no

right to interfere because I was was not family I told her that I was glad that I was not a part of her family because it seemed to me like she wanted to run a cult more than just have a family she completely lost it when I said that and practically launched herself at me before I knew it she had grabbed me by the hair and was physically attacking me it took my husband mere seconds to separate us and force his mother out of the house she didn't stop screaming at me even as she was

being kicked out of our house and kept calling me really derogatory things that I didn't even want to mention here because they were just that bad I was quite shaken up and I waited for a couple of seconds to calm down before my husb husband and I called the cops and had her removed from our property she hadn't left even after my husband had pushed her out of the house and had remained in the front yard screaming at the top of her voice about how I was breaking her family but she was not going to

let it happen it wasn't until the cops finally arrived on the scene that she stopped yelling and then she started begging us not to press charges but it was too late and my husband and I had already made up our minds that we were not going to drop this so easily I mean she had attacked me physically so I couldn't just let it go because then nothing would stop her from doing it a second time so he and I pressed charges against her and since wasn't actually injured badly they are probably going to let her

off easy but at least it's going to go on record she was taken away and she was actually sobbing uncontrollably when that was happening which was crazy because just a few seconds before that she had been screaming at us and threatening us after that my husband and I decided to start looking for a lawyer so we could get a restraining order against her because she could not be trusted clearly there was something very unhinged about her and I didn't want to risk anything we also started thinking about moving away something we had already been considering

for a while because this location was kind of inconvenient for my husband and we were thinking about moving to a place that was equally close to both of our offices we just want to leave no stone unturn to make sure that she can't get to us ever again and it goes for his family as well it's been a couple of hours since she was arrested and nobody from his family has tried to contact us yet but I know that they will be very upset about this and they might even disinherit him over this but it's

worth it because Sandra needed to be taken down a notch and I have no regrets about saying that she was a cult leader and then having her arrested for attacking me she totally deserved all of it update three we got the restraining order against Sandra and it's been a couple of days since then these past two weeks after Sandra was arrested were really busy for both of us because we started looking for a new house to move into and we also had to deal with a drama that ensued later of course there was also the

restraining order and the court appearances to deal with it with all that I was dealing with I didn't have much time to post an update but right now I can so first things first Sandra got off easy with just community service since I wasn't hurt badly however my husband's family decided to make a big deal out of it and pretend like she was the victim in the situation that she herself had created they ran their mouths off to every single family member that they could find telling them about how I had instigated Sandra and that's

why she had pounced on me but when I got the reaction that I wanted we called the police and had her arrested they are claiming that this was all planned and we had every intention of provoking Sandra just so she would attack us and we would have an excuse to get her in trouble so somehow I'm the bad guy here even though I was the one who got attacked it doesn't even make sense but that's the story that they are choosing to go with luckily not many people are buying it and are mostly on our

side so they are cutting my husband's family off off in a way it's true what I said about Sandra wanting to run a cult instead of a family and that her expectations were unreasonably high and kind of unhealthy I'm glad that I got the chance to say it to her face because she needed to know that she was a cuckoo and if the opportunity ever presents itself again then I would gladly say it to her again even if that meant she would attack me once more because it would be totally worth it but the likeliness

of us meeting again anytime soon is low because of the restraining order also because my husband and I moved houses a couple of days ago they don't know where to find us now and they have been blocked on all our social media ever since we went on vacation so that's not a matter of concern for us honestly he is more relieved than I am because he used to say that being around his family was almost suffocating for him and I can see why I would probably feel the same way if my parents acted like that

and gave me absolutely zero privacy or space of my own I guess I got really lucky when it came to my family including my husband