if you're a good guy and you treat people well you're kind and you're respectful if you're dating a woman and she says to you you're different to other men you're going to enjoy hearing that it's going to make you happy because it sounds good doesn't it you know you're different you're special you're unique you stand out from other men and she recognizes that on the surface it would seem as though this is a positive sign but it's not it is a red flag and if a woman ever says to you you're different to other men
you need to be extremely cautious i'm going to explain why but first before i get into why this phrase is so dangerous i want to explain why it's psychologically appealing to men to hear this why they enjoy being told they're different to other men in order to really understand this you need to appreciate the cultural context with which we live you know because we have this societal myth that men are bad that masculinity is toxic that we live in this horrible abusive patriarchy when you constantly hammer this message into the minds of young men you
create this whole generation of boys who are desperate to distinguish themselves and to separate themselves from the pack and to prove that they're different you've got these young men saying okay so other men might be insensitive and selfish and sexist but please note i'm not like that i'm kind i'm caring i'm generous i'm i'm in touch with my feminine side when speaking to women what they're trying to do is draw attention to the contrast between themselves and other men the underlying motivation of this is biological you know what you're seeing here is a mating strategy
this is how they're trying to get in good with women these men have listened to women complain constantly about man like oh he's so insensitive he's so selfish he only thinks about himself you know men just disgust me i can't stand them and they think okay well these women seem to really dislike those types of guys and if i want to mate with women if i want to attract a girl if i want to get a girlfriend i need to be the opposite of that that's the mating strategy right there they are trying to differentiate
themselves from other men it's like look at me look at me i'm the opposite of what you said that you hate please reward me by sleeping with me unfortunately what these guys don't realize is that a woman's words often do not match her actions and many times women will sleep with a man that they claim to dislike and the reasons for that are numerous and quite quite depressing sometimes but that's a topic for another video the point is is that when a woman says to this guy you're different to other men it is psychologically appealing
because it validates his mating strategy it validates that choice that he's made it's like music to his ears it's exactly what he has been hoping to hear a woman who notices that he is different and appreciates that he wants to be recognized as special he wants that validation and it's going to be particularly psychologically appealing to him hearing this if in the past he's been burned by women what i mean is let's say this guy has been using the nice guy strategy for many years and he's just been patiently waiting for women to notice that
he's different and unique and special and you know he stands out from all the other men over the years he has crushes you know he liked this girl and then that girl and that girl and all of these women claimed to want a guy just like him you know a nice sweet guy but they all ended up sleeping with the cocky arrogant jerk guy that she claimed that she didn't want now despite seeing all this the guy does not change his mating strategy no he just doubles down he thinks i need to be even nicer
you know this is somehow my fault i haven't been a good guy enough to really prove to her that i'm different to all the other men he still thinks that this nice guy angle will work he still thinks that's the mating strategy that's going to be successful and it all stems from his refusal to believe that a woman might be lying or she might lack the self-awareness to know what she's really attracted to when she says i don't like jerk cocky arrogant guys i really like nice guys he just takes her at face value and
he is unwilling to really question that paradigm now psychologically this makes him very very vulnerable because he is so desperate to be validated he so badly wants to hear a woman actually say to him i recognize that you're different you're special and i'm going to reward that and so when he finally hears those magic words you're different to most men he's not thinking critically he doesn't look for deeper meanings he doesn't question it he just goes with it because he's finally got his fantasy he's not looking for problems he's too busy celebrating finally a girl
recognizes this in me unfortunately for him there is a problem it's a big one a big red flag when you hear those words you're different to other men come out of a woman's mouth you should be extremely concerned most obviously because this is a very strong indicator that she does not have good judgment when it comes to men when you're planning a potential romantic future with a woman that's really important because the best clue as to how someone is going to behave in the future is how they've behaved in the past let me just zoom
out a little bit and explain what i mean we have these cultural myths that basically say men are toxic at their core but it's ridiculous the truth is is that there are bad men and there are good men just like there are bad women and there are good women human beings are like that we exist on a spectrum there are low quality individuals and high quality individuals and they exist in both genders so when a woman says you're not like other man she's not actually saying that other guys are irredeemably awful and you're the only
exception you have to look deep in that and when you do you realize that what she's actually saying is that in her past you know in her past choices she was only spending time with low quality men that's what she's admitting to that's actually her confession because she exists in a world where good guys are available to spend time with but that's not where she has been putting her attention and energy now it could mean that she lacks the ability to discern the difference between a low quality man and a high quality man which is
not good because a high quality woman should be able to display that kind of judgment or it could be much worse than that and she's not actually a victim of her own ignorance she knows these guys are horrible low-value jerk guys but she has chosen to continue to keep their company anyway there are a number of reasons why a woman might choose to continue to date jerk guys you know guys who treat her badly but the bottom line is that none of those reasons bode well for your future relationship with this woman we might all
have sympathy for a woman who has like self-esteem issues and she doesn't believe that she deserves to be treated any better and that's why she continues to date these kind of guys but sympathy and love are very different things and in dating you have to be selfish the truth is is that a woman with those deep kind of self-esteem issues that she's made those bad choices is not going to make for an easy relationship and is best avoided so a woman tells you you're different to other men what she's basically admitted to there is that
she only spends time with really really horrible guys and that is a red flag but believe it or not if that's the reason why she says you're different to other men because you know her experience has just been full of low value guys that's actually the best case scenario far more concerning is if she says you're different to other men not as some kind of revelation or discovery but more as a threat yeah like a warning something like i have been mistreated in relationships before but now that we're dating my problems my pain are now
your problems it's like an invitation to codependence it's like she's announcing i need you to be different to other guys that i've dated now sometimes that will mean other men that i've dated in the past have been abusive and i just need you to not be that way and that's okay that's good but other times it might mean men in my past have called me on my they've called me on my entitlement and my selfishness those men those ex-boyfriends of mine were mean because they didn't let me abuse them i'm looking for a guy who
tolerates the very worst in me who doesn't stand up for himself who doesn't make me take responsibility for my actions those other guys are always catching me in my lies or they had their own independent existence and they their whole lives didn't revolve around me and my needs but that's not you no you're you're different to other men and you better remain different to other men she might be smiling when she says it she might be acting sweet and kind and you think oh this is a beautiful feminine display but underneath it's a threat now
some people might say i'm being paranoid and that i'm reading too much into this this is just a simple phrase don't don't get so caught up on it what if she's a genuinely nice girl who's made some choices out of bad luck or ignorance but she genuinely doesn't want to keep walking down that path she is genuinely relieved to find a nice sweet guy who seems different to other men that she's encountered that is entirely possible of course it is and you can verify if that's the case by asking the correct follow-up questions she says
you're different to other men you ask okay how am i different to other men or what has your experience of men been like so far listen closely to her answers like really closely what you're looking for is evidence of personal responsibility if she says things like i've made some bad decisions in my past or i've never been the best judge of character but i'm working on improving that that's good that's positive that you're fine for a person to have made mistakes in their past is completely understandable it's only a problem if those past mistakes are
still operative in the present if somebody has clearly learned from their mistakes then to hold their past against them is moronic you know you're really only hurting yourself at that stage but be vigilant in those follow-up conversations look out for evidence of personal responsibility because if she's saying things like oh well you know all men are just horrible and i was always the 100 innocent victim and all the men were horrible abusive perpetrators and there was no exceptions that you need to be really really concerned about that in that instance hearing those words you're different
to other men is a huge red flag and you need to run the other direction so you see on the surface it might sound nice to have a woman single you out and recognize you're different you're special you know you're unique you're unlike other men it is really easy to get carried away but you have to stop yourself really when you actually examine it hearing a woman say you're different to other men is not a good thing it would be better if she said years ago i made the conscious choice to only date kind reliable
sweet intelligent high quality guys and so it doesn't surprise me that i'm dating you now that's completely consistent with my personality and with the pattern of my life given that i only date great guys it's entirely predictable that i'd be dating you because you're another really great guy now that might not sound as romantic you know that doesn't make you feel as special but do you see it's actually a lot more reliable when is the right time to settle down should you speak about this stuff with female friends or is that social suicide and is
the dating market flooded with low quality women all of these topics and many more are covered in exclusive videos available on my patreon page this includes my latest video which is a guide for introverts in relationships specifically in developing their leadership capacity in this video i talk about the dichotomy between introverts and extroverts and what kind of a woman you should try and date if you're more introverted and talk about the area in dating where introverts have an inherent disadvantage and lastly i give some tips about how to develop your leadership skills inside a relationship
if you're introverted and to what degree that's a genuine disadvantage if you're more an introverted kind of guy and you're worried that that's holding you back in relationships i highly recommend you check out this video for every video that i post on youtube i post an additional bonus video on my patreon page that means that at the moment you're only seeing half of the total content that i create if you'd like access to the other half then please go and sign up at my patreon it's just a five dollar a month subscription and you get
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