SML Movie: Chef Pee Pee The Father?

Oh, please not this song again, guys. >> Please stop. I thought you outgrew the song, Jeffy.

>> Oh my god. >> There's someone at the door. So, when I get back, have this turned off.

>> Hello, >> Mom. I have to talk to you. Can we speak privately?

>> Uh, no. No, no. I'd rather speak in front of my wife.

Whatever it's about. >> Marvin, I don't think she's going to want to hear this. >> I want her to hear whatever you have to say so nothing gets, you know, confused.

Come on. >> If you say so. Who's at the door?

Marvin, >> the neighbor's wife. >> Marvin, I cannot believe you want your wife to hear this. But I guess you're the type of man that rip the band-aid off.

What is she talking about? >> I don't I don't know. I'm waiting to hear this, too.

>> I'm pregnant. >> Oh, congratulations. >> Congratulations.

I'm pregnant with Marvin's baby. What? What are you talking about?

>> Well, we made love 2 years ago and every month since and I'm pregnant with your baby. Martha, what is she talking about? >> Oh, okay.

Listen, listen. Two years ago, she she wanted to do stuff with me, but I didn't do it. I It was with Chef Peepi.

I swear. Have you Have you ever seen my face while we were doing it? >> Well, no.

You always want the lights off. But I know that sweet mustache anywhere. Marvin, I'm going to leave you.

What is happening? >> Oh, no. No.

I promise you it's not me. It's Chef Peepi. We go downstairs and she can see that it's Chef Peepee.

She will admit to this. Okay, >> Marvin, you better prove it. Yeah, you better prove it.

>> Oh, daddy giving away some baby gravy. But don't worry, Daddy. I'll hold the fort down up here and shoe away the skanks.

>> All right, listen. We're going to go talk to Chef Peep and get this cleared up. >> Marvin, you're sick.

My chili fruity pebbles is almost done. Hey, Chef Peipi. >> Hey, what's up?

What's up, boy? Goofy boy. What you up to?

>> What are you cooking? >> Uh, nothing but some chili peppers. Are you hungry?

Go get Go get a bowl. >> Well, we need to talk first. You're kind of in trouble.

>> Wait, wait. In trouble? What the hell?

I'm not getting a whooping. >> You know how you slept with the neighbor's wife 2 years ago? >> 2 years ago?

I've been hitting that every month. Taking her ass through pound town. Nothing but the pounding.

Pound pound. You would think construction work is going on next door. >> Well, Marvin, I'm not angry anymore.

Well, I am. Marvin, how could you do that to me? I thought we were in love.

I thought it was you giving me the business. Oh, >> I'm sorry, ma'am. I am the business owner.

to give you nothing but straight spatula. Call me Peter Piper cuz I'm laying the pipe. >> Hold on.

Let me feel that mustache. >> No worries, baby. >> Oh my god, it is you.

>> Yeah. So, what you want to do? You You over here cuz you want to do it in the light?

>> Absolutely not. You're daddy now. >> I mean, you've been calling me daddy.

This ain't nothing new, baby. >> Daddy. Daddy.

Oh, daddy. Slow down. Slow down.

Faster. Faster. Where you go?

I'm there. >> Well, now you're baby daddy. What?

Baby daddy. Look >> for yourself. What the [ __ ] I thought this was a COVID test.

>> Nope. She's pregnant with your baby. >> Pregnant?

>> Yes, I am. >> So, are you going to go to every appointment with her for 9 months and be by her side and be the good father you should be? >> [ __ ] no.

Hell no. You got to catch me to be a daddy. >> What?

Hold on. He just He's just joking around. Let me go talk to him.

Shibi, where'd you go? Shibi. Oh, buddy.

Where you going? >> Leave me alone, Marvin. I'm going to Lithuania.

I'm leaving this [ __ ] country. But >> why? >> Because you set me up.

You know what the hell you did? You invited that trifling [ __ ] over there trying to get some money out of her. [ __ ] you know I'm broke as hell.

You don't get paid nothing but 20 cent, [ __ ] >> Well, I listen buddy. She just she came to me and said she was pregnant. I just wanted, you know, I was trying to save myself, too.

>> Wait, did you say your [ __ ] self? Think about me. I'm a broke ass [ __ ] We had a handshake.

We were breast ass friends. What? You do me like this?

That is dirty as hell, bro. >> look look yours. What if we get like a DNA test?

You want to wait around to see that? >> I ain't got time for all that, bro. I'm about to check catch the first damn flight out of here.

Well, no. But sh >> if it's a [ __ ] delta flight or if it's a spirit, I'm leaving this [ __ ] >> Sh. Listen, listen, listen.

Listen, listen. I know she's pregnant. I know it's scary.

I But listen, she she might be able to get rid of it. She might get rid of it. >> Get rid of it.

>> Yeah. She might get rid of it. Like, she might >> She might consider it.

>> Yeah. Tell her how much you get paid and tell you're a broke ass. You know what you just said?

Yeah. And then maybe she won't want to have a baby with you. Cuz why would she want a baby with What is she going to get out of it?

>> All right. Right. You're right.

Maybe there there is a God. He might consider this and she might be be a good woman. Let's just go see if she'll get rid of it.

Come on. I might be just stressing. >> All right.

I got Chef Peie to come back. Shake out your back. >> No, no, no.

Not right now, [ __ ] I got something to say. I'm broke as hell. I only get paid 20 cents a day.

I'm basically a [ __ ] slave. You're not getting a dollar, a penny, not even a [ __ ] cent. Not an atom or EBT out of a [ __ ] So, you're basically setting our child up for failure.

I don't know what you're thinking. You You should probably kick yourself in the [ __ ] stomach. Do something cuz look, I'm only 5'7.

He's not going to be in the NBA, NFL, MLB, none of that [ __ ] alphabet sports. Just Just go and hit the [ __ ] abort button immediately. >> Chef Pei, I am a Christian woman.

What the hell that's supposed to mean? >> I am keeping your baby, >> buddy. >> No, no, no.

It ain't no buddy. You are an enemy, [ __ ] Why would you invite me right back in that house knowing she's a religious woman? I did not know she was a religious woman.

I didn't know that. She's praying on my downfall. She probably took a picture of me, send it to the fans.

I can't get on a damn plane now. Oh, man. I have to swim.

I have to swim to Mexico or some [ __ ] >> Oh [ __ ] baby. Listen, having a kid won't be so bad. >> Having a kid won't be so bad.

That's cuz you ain't the damn daddy. You get to live comfortable. No, I got to I have to pay for [ __ ] diapers, formula.

You Oh, and you they [ __ ] in the diapers. Oh no, I don't want to change none of that. I hadn't changed Junior for [ __ ] 6 years and he was already six.

>> What if it's a girl? You'd want to grow, right? >> Hell no.

[ __ ] no. No. No.

Not for her to be an only f model after 18 years of raising that [ __ ] Hell not for y'all to tell me that I failed at being a father. Hell no. No.

>> Oh, Chef Peep, I think you just need to calm down. >> Calm down. Calm down, [ __ ] You going to get somebody pregnant and then then you tell me to calm down.

No, I tell you to calm down. You calm down, [ __ ] M I'm gone. >> Okay.

Well, Shappy, where are you even going? >> I am going out of this [ __ ] state. I'm leaving.

Or you can point me to the Golden Gate Bridge. You know where it's at? >> Probably Probably that way.

>> Okay. Okay. Cuz I'm about to jump off that [ __ ] 5,000 >> [ __ ] Sh.

At least think about it. >> Think about it. >> I'm never thinking about it.

I already thought about it. My thought is [ __ ] dead. >> Marvin, you're back.

Wait, where's Chef Pe? >> Oh, he uh he he went to the store to buy uh the formula and the diapers and the the preeie clothes. >> Oh, now that's a man.

That's more than Hank ever did. >> Oh, [ __ ] Have you have you told your husband about that you being pregnant with another man's baby? >> Oh, no.

I was hoping to break the news to him with Chef Peepi. That way, if Hank got violent, Chef Peepee would defend me. >> Oh, that's not going to [ __ ] happen.

Um uh Okay. Okay. Well, Chef Peep is going to be at the store for a few days.

So, >> I was hoping to wait for him before I told Hank. >> I really need to let Hank know. >> I think I got Chef Peepee in this [ __ ] mess.

Uh, let me let me go get Chef Peep. I think he's at the front door. >> Chef Peepi, thank God you're back.

>> Yep. Marvin told me you wanted to talk to me. >> Yes.

We need to go tell my husband about the condition you put me in. >> Oh, of course. Of course I'll tell him.

I'm going to be a good daddy. And maybe before we tell Hank, we can do it again. >> Well, oh.

Oh, no. Peter Piper is all out of pipe. >> All right.

Well, let's just go tell my husband. >> All right, let's let's go tell him. Hey, honey.

What's for dinner? >> Hank, you are perfectly capable of making your own dinner. >> You know, women always cook while the men go out and provide.

>> Well, you've been provided with two hands to cook dinner yourself. >> Honey, men don't cook. Not in this 1960s household.

>> Well, I know a man who can cook, and I'd like you to meet him. >> Who's that? >> This is Chef Pe.

How you doing there, Jorge? Me like your taqua, beef and cheese, queso earn. >> Um, okay.

>> Oh, Jorge speaks English. I didn't know you speaking the English, Pedro. >> Hank, there's something Chef Pe and I would like to tell you.

>> All right. What's that? >> I am having his baby.

>> Oh, like a food baby or what? >> No, I'm pregnant with his child. >> Oh, you [ __ ] God damn it.

You [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] Marvin. >> Marvin. Oh, I get it.

It's one of those April Fool's Day jokes in August. >> Marvin, where's Chef >> Peep? I I don't know.

We got these in San Francisco. >> Ah, you guys are funny. Yeah, I'm going to go take a wicked chef and one of y'all get in the kitchen and start cooking.

>> Marvin, you better go get Chef Pe. >> Let's listen. He was on his way to the store and I didn't want to interrupt him, so I decided to dress up like him, but you you fell for it.

I thought he'd fall for it, but I'll call him. I'll call Chef. Oh, come on, Chef PB.

Please answer. >> Hello. >> Oh, Chef B.

>> Oh, no. Oh, no. No.

Marvin, I don't want to talk right now. You know what? You're going to be the last person I talk to before I jump.

I'm actually 2 ft away. Nice knowing you. >> No, Chevy.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Please don't do that.

You have to come back. >> I'm not coming back. What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm going to be a horrible father. Look, she's going to put me on child support and what will I be left with? 10 [ __ ] cents.

I can't even buy ramen with Adam, Marvin. >> Well, what if you're not the dad? >> What?

I'm not the dad. I was piping. I was laying [ __ ] pipe.

You know what I was doing? I was sneaking out the [ __ ] house and just putting that [ __ ] through it. I was the only one doing it.

Of course, I'm going to be the [ __ ] father unless you was sneaking a bite. Well, listen. Nobody was sneaking a pipe.

But listen, Jeffy, listen. Don't jump off a bridge. That's not going to answer.

There has to be another option. >> That is the only option, Marvin. Well, there's one more.

I could go down to South Africa and join the Zulu Nation tribe. Yeah. Yeah.

Be part of the the tribe and sleep with all their women. Go by the name. >> You know, they'll probably be the chief, too.

>> I mean, you you could do that, but buddy, please don't kill yourself. I mean, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Wait.

Chef, >> what? I'm almost about to jump. >> Wait.

You're not the father, Chef Peep. I'm not my father. >> Look, Marvin, don't be whispering any sweet lullabies in my ear.

You're going to make me [ __ ] fall. >> No, no, no, no. I'm telling you right now.

Like, like, she's not even pregnant. She She's faking it. >> Wait, wait, fing it.

How How do you know? >> Well, I'm at her house and and and there's four fake pregnancy tests and she used a Sharpie to draw the line to say she was pregnant. She's not even pregnant.

>> That's [ __ ] I'm free. I'm a free man. I get a slang dick all over the [ __ ] US.

I'm a bachelor again, baby. I'm back on the [ __ ] market. Woohoo!

>> Yeah! >> Oh man, you are a good friend, Marvin. Oh, I appreciate you so much.

>> Oh, yeah. I'm going to go and confront her about this. >> Marvin, did you get a hold of Chef Peep?

>> I sure did. And he said he's never coming back. >> What?

Why? >> Because of this. >> Oh.

Oh, I can explain that. >> Explain. >> Well, you see, I just like to doodle from time to time and have a fake pregnancy.

>> Yeah. So, uh, want to explain what this is about? Well, you see, Min, I was looking to escape my marriage with Hank, and I was going to trap me a man by faking a pregnancy so someone could provide for me and take care of me.

>> And you thought Chef Peaby or me would be a good enough man to provide for you? We're both broke. >> But you live in such a nice house.

>> That is That is not my house. That that belongs to the bank, and the bank sends someone to my house every day to to do stuff to my balls if I don't pay it. Well, I guess if you have to choose between well off or wellendowed, I'll pick well off.

I'll stay with Hank. >> Yeah. Well, I guess just suggest going to couple's counseling.

>> He's just going to bang the therapist. >> Well, thanks for wasting my day and almost costing a chef his life. >> Hey, honey.

>> What? >> Make my taquitos. The beef and cheddar.

>> Fine, I will. With rat poison.