What’s Something Small You Notice That Shows Someone Has Been Through A Lot?

what's something small you notice that shows someone has been through a lot Story one their inability to ask for help in tackling everything on their own they're used to no one else being there and still needing to get done story two I work with parents SL children who have endured and some regularly still enduring trauma one thing I notice is in times of serious immediate stress like an active shooter nearby as a real example they go into a totally calm rational State their brains seem to be trained to be more comfortable in chaos they also

seem to create chaos often drama when things start going too smoothly a lot of people see this as self-sabotage but if you're used to living in chaos calm can feel really unfamiliar and frankly scary story three the ability to read the room people with traumatic memories often had to be alert to small warning signs indicative of impending danger that survival skill can become finely honed and just a part of who they are story four one small thing I notice is how people handle their personal space it might sound odd but someone who's been through a

lot often has a certain way of arranging their things or how they react to being around others for instance a slightly guarded Or Meticulous approach to organizing personal items or a tendency to stay quietly in the background can be subtle hints it's like these small details are part of their coping mechanism or a reflection of their experiences it's a gentle reminder that we all carry our stories with us in ways that aren't always immediately obvious Story five check their eyes my friends who have went through the most always have a different look in their eyes

not a look filled with curiosity or interest or excitement like a child they more give off a look of defeat and exhaustion story six they are able to read people they run through countless scenarios and predict people's reactions and behaviors ultimately they don't get mad or disappointed by others because they saw it coming occasionally if something really hurts they may feel a little tired or even relieved for the most part they've shut down emotionally but every once in a great while they think maybe this person will prove me wrong story seven the way they carry

themselves like a certain weariness in their eyes or a tendency to keep their distance in conversations it's subtle but there's usually a depth of experience or an emotional weight that can be sensed in their demeanor or in the way they speak Story 8 being passed over constantly for recognition hear me out some of the best people I've ever met who I know have been through some are never acknowledged for how hard they work because they are so hardworking it just becomes a normal part of them the saddest part is they are left thinking they are

still not enough story nine you can often spot someone who's been through a lot by their deep empathy and compassion for others they just seem to understand what people are going through they tend to be really resilient bouncing back from setbacks and adapting to challenges with Grace you might notice they appreciate the little things in life more than most finding joy and simple moments that others Overlook they often come across as more authentic and willing to be vulnerable Having learned to Embrace their imperfections plus they usually have a wisdom and perspective that comes from their

experiences making them less likely to sweat the small stuff it's these small signs that reveal a lot about what someone has faced in their life story 10 damn this post is hitting hard I do a few of these things the biggest one is a huge startle reflex like if someone comes to the door or surprises me this came about later in life my teenage daughter thought it was hilarious and would hide to scare me and record it until I told her how much it actually put my body into a trauma response which then leads to

widespread pain I also do take things personally I'm trying to work on it I feel for every one of you story 11 there are a lot of negative responses here which is completely understandable but I do want to add a positive sign of someone who's seen some things they can be incredibly empathetic and patient willing to listen with an open mind and admit a warmth from them that seems to say I feel your pain and my heart is with you coming out of a painful part of life life can really help a person understand why

other people are the way they are because they know what pain does to them story 12 odd eating habits they eat very fast or very slowly they seem to never have an appetite they eat at odd times of day or they have a very small range of foods they will eat three potential causes food is or was a means of control either their abuser used food to control them or they took whatever control they could back with their eating habits they were in crisis danger for so long that their bodies literally forgot how to send

hunger signals and so they don't realize they are hungry until it is an emergency their body Can't Ignore they are dissociating to a level that they can't register the need to eat and if they do eat it is completely on autopilot and they aren't really experiencing the sensations of tasting or enjoying the food story 13 they walk silently and unintentionally scare other people when they finally see them had this happened the other day at the grocery store I was shopping and a worker suddenly appeared beside me never heard them coming and I jumped he muttered

sorry and kept walking as if he's used to this interaction I felt so bad because I do the same thing from years of childhood trauma I hope he's doing okay otherwise walking without making noise is a learned behavior usually in response to prolonged childhood trauma whether it be as an attempt to hide from threats in the house or to avoid getting reprimanded by a parent who can't stand the noise of their own children or many other reasons in many cases this habit carries into adulthood even long after the original threat is gone this has been

true in my case story 14 which way they look while talking either they look down and don't make eye contact or the eyes are never still flitting around looking for bad things to happen Source looking for bad things to happen new people in group who couldn't make eye contact edit I not I Freudian mistake story 15 if you twist the door handle before closing it to avoid the latch making a sound if you're like me and 6 to3 walking around like a ninja do you cut the tops of the chip bags off so they don't

make a crinkle noise when you reach in your parents were likely narcissists and you did your best to go unnoticed and those habits continue in life story 16 intense self-reliance they're the ones who have a stash of shelf stable food in their filing cabinet at work and another similar stash in their trucks toolbox the scarier the situation the calmer they get they're totally calm and chill and rational and functional in situations where they might genuinely die when a human touches them while they sleep they jump out of their own skin assuming you can even get

that close before they trigger meanwhile a kitten or puppy can snuggle very comfortably with them screaming nightmares lots of screaming nightmares story 17 I was bartending one night and I served this older couple with a smile they were really nice and I didn't think I was acting any different even though I was going through a lot at the time the old lady looked at me after ID cashed them out and said you have a really sad look in your eyes it's going to get better she could tell I was going through something just by looking

in my eyes like some sort of magic story 18 they are so incredibly grateful for even the slightest compliment or Good Deed because they were conditioned with intermittent reinforcement where someone mistreats them 95% of the time but they stay for that 5% where maybe they're not and they cling to that story 19 one thing that sticks out is how they effortlessly avoid small chat pitfalls when you ask how's life instead of a basic good they give you a knowing smile and reply something like oh you know surviving the plot twists you can tell they've seen

some things story 20 after reading this thread I've come to realized I guess what doesn't kill you does make you stronger it sucks but all the trauma from my childhood and first marriage made me the great person I am today and I'm incredibly grateful my husband was the first person in my life to show me unconditional love and taught me how to speak about my feelings I am today I hope a very empathetic and strong person no amount of therapy could give me this I hope those of you who have been hurt can too find

it in yourself to know it does and can get better keep fighting y'all story 21 I know a guy who had had an absurdly bad childhood and he simply does not have basic adulting abilities never learned how to drive clean his teeth budget his income or fix his credit score ECT but also does not follow through when people offer to help not good at recognizing romance scams because his desire to be loved overrides his Common Sense basically if you see someone who has no motivation to gain skills that will make their life much easier and

no motivation to avoid people who make their life much worse you've got someone who was an abused and neglected child they have no hope that life will get better so they don't try story 22 one small thing I've noticed that can show someone has been through a lot is how they deal with silence people who have experienced significant struggles might seem uncomfortable with Quiet Moments they might feel the need to fill the Silence with conversation or activity or even exhibit small nervous habits it's not always about talking a lot it's more about their reaction to

being alone with their thoughts for some silence can bring up painful memories or feelings of anxiety so the way they engage with or avoid Quiet Moments can offer a glimpse into their past and the challenges they faced it's a subtle sign but it can be really telling about what someone might have gone through story 23 needing reassurance at every step of something my parents would yell at me for doing a thing wrong but refused to explain what I had messed up you know what you did now start over and do it right this time was

common to hear in our house if I'm learning a new skill or doing something for a person I trust I'll ask their feedback and and reassurance every few steps because I can trust them to give me a real answer and to be polite and not yell if I mess up it stresses people out and I've only recently found the pattern I can explain now that I ask because I trust them to give good feedback before I would start apologizing immediately and become withdrawn which made the person worry about me and I get really uncomfortable if

people are worrying about me story 24 not just that they don't often ask for help or turn down help when offered but when someone asks what do you need help with/ how can I help the response is not just nothing but rather I don't know it's not that we think you're not going to be able to help it's just that we're so used to the way we do things as a single person that we struggle to break up the thing and work out how it could be accomplished by more than one person also having not

just fight or flight but the freeze and fawn responses as well Story 25 people who always have cash regardless of whether they need it my mother-in-law always carries a few hundred and I am pretty sure she keeps several thousand doll in a safe at home she's an awesome woman but she lived a pretty rough life and went through a very intense and abusive marriage she always has to have a way out no matter how safe she is story 26 tolerant and patient they've seen more than I can imagine I'm dealing with a younger husband who

has Alzheimer's this is my fifth year and I'm still learning from others I hope to finally achieve their wisdom and calmness dot dot dot dot dot dot doit what I need the most dealing with this not what I plan for our retirement story 27 if someone is a especially empathetic or especially unempathetic to others I feel like they're both trauma responses either the person is very kind because they wish they'd been treated with kindness or are unkind because nobody coddled me and that's just life story 28 they cannot relax when things are calm and going

well it's like the Calm before the storm feeling for them anytime things go as planned or Good Fortune happens a constant state of feeling like the rug is about to be pulled out from under them then they are calm when it all goes sideways and take action with zest like this is what they know and it's their comfort zone story 29 they are helpful and supportive in exactly the right way when a friend cooworker or complete stranger is struggling they recognize the fear anxiety a fellow human is experiencing immediately and step up without being intrusive

they are a calming presence when you are in a storm also they give great advice thoughtful and personalized to your situation they are also watching and listening and have unconsciously learned to quickly examine and assess a situation and determine and advise the best course of action story 30 they have large amount of empathy towards people they don't know and things like random animals they are composed in a crisis and great at breaking down emerging problems into bite-sized chunks they don't let the little things ruin their day and will generally have their back up against a

wall in crowded spaces so they can see everyone in front of them watch them go quiet when you offer help with something that they are struggling with as they know they need it but just can't accept it so get rendered speechless story 31 when the person is not able to take a simple compliment or believe that someone actually cares for them when they always apologize for bothering or imposing or taking up too much of someone's time when they aren't able to see the value in themselves story 32 a cautiousness when it comes to standing up

for others defense like I find people who don't seem to have been through much trauma are more likely to step in and call the cops right away tell a counselor about your issues get the principal involved Etc somebody who has been through trauma tends to know or at least suspect it's not that simple story 33 unusually high levels of people pleasing but it has to be noticeably High not like your garden variety seeking social approval that I think a majority of people have to some degree and isn't a bad thing but I've met people who

really really fixate on making others comfortable to the point that it can be annoying to me at times like please stop pandering sack catering to me but I'm old enough now to see it's high highly correlated with growing up in an abusive environment and usually with an addict of some kind where the withdrawals are extreme alcohol opioids meth pills I think they developed that personality trait because they grew up walking on eggshells and trying not to trip the wire with someone who was in an extremely agitated mood so these days I'm much softer on it

used to find it really off-putting I know it when I see it and when I do I always like to turn the lens back to them and how they're feeling like no thank you I appreciate that if I want one though I know where it is are you having fun do you need something story 34 disproportionate reactions their reactions to most things are normal or even low-key but occasionally they have a huge response to something minor key sign of trauma when you see someone deal with something extremely emotionally damaging or physically painful and they act

like they don't even notice it like nothing's changed when you see that you know they've seen the worst and nothing is going to get to them the maturity with which they handle unexpected events when goes down they know what to do not trusting people you could be friends for years and think you're close but in fact you don't have the slightest idea what's going on in their lives they could be staying up all night being depressed and tomorrow morning say hello with a smile on their faces they simply don't trust people anymore no matter what

they do don't do they have advice good advice for people who've just experienced trauma or for how to handle oddly specific and up situations super independent because they learn not to rely on anybody when nothing shocks them preparation most people who've dealt with horrendous situations now prepare for the proverbial worst honestly empathy and understanding many have heightened senses of empathy naturally but often times the people who really care for others shows me that they themselves have really needed it at some point people who have been though some or reading these replies and realizing for the

first time what their giveaways were all this time lol story 35 I feel like for me it's going to be messed up teeth my teeth are did and I've been through a lot a lot and everyone I have known that have had teeth like me have also been dealing with untreated mental health issues untreated trauma dental hygiene is like a number one way in which one can show that they love themselves and if you are just surviving the last thing you need is love for yourself you know story 36 personally whenever someone starts raising their

voice or yell at me I immediately avert my eyes and try to make myself smaller Tears start pouring and I completely shrivel up I believe it has a lot to do with being deaf in both ears since I wasn't diagnosed until I was four or so plus being yelled at for not wearing hearing aids story 37 a person who has been through a lot May react intensely to small stressors or seemingly insignificant events this can be a result of their nervous system being in a constant state of heightened arousal it is visibly understandable about their

irritability that something is happening in their subconscious mind they might also avoid certain situations places or topics that remind them of past trauma to prevent triggering painful memories story 38 apologies for things they may not have done not ask for help may not talk about issues because they're used to people not being around or used to people not caring so they just don't talk about feelings because they don't want to burden others to name some examples story 39 how observant one is I've had numerous people be baffled at the small things I notice pick up

on or point out just completely blown away because they would have never thought about something or noticed something I just look always look around always taking note of everything every person every Hazard Etc story 40 hiding their scared face a girl I knew had someone vandalized some cars totaling hers and a few others downtown Dallas in 2010 near Fair Park she didn't Panic at all and just calmly handled everything hell Stesha has her Vin and license plate saved on her phone just in case something ever happened she had Enterprise picker up got in a rental

and was on her way without missing a minute of work she handled emergencies in a way that I never knew about them if I wasn't there to witness the only sign I ever got were that she seemed about a decade older than the rest of us some burn marks that caused her to always wear shorts at a pool and once on a trip together I found her sleeping in the closet she said it was for privacy and I played along but I don't think I've ever seen anyone look so scared