Six Keys to Peace in Relationships | Pastor Rick's Daily Hope

physical health we're looking at are every area of getting healthy in your life now you remember we started uh a year and a half ago with the first module on we actually started with physical health and we launched The Daniel Plan on which you have now uh gotten a whole lot healthier in fact our church has lost over 280,000 pounds in fact this week Time Magazine seven pages on The Daniel Plan and this week in Time Magazine so you might look in there there's some pictures of members uh healthy people wow and uh and and

I know you're going to want to frame this one let me find it here because this is this is a this is in fact I'll autograph it for you okay it's a okay okay let me see if I can find it here there we go you need this picture okay all right all right you need this picture uh anyway also this week uh CNN did a major article on The Daniel Plan Newsmax magazine did a major spread on the Daniel Plan so we started with a physical health getting physically healthy then we went to Financial

Health because we've been in the middle of a recession now for almost five years and then earlier this year we looked at spiritual health and 40 days in the word and how do you feed yourself from the word of God so you're growing stronger and stronger every day and now this summer we're going into a a series where we're going to look at relational Health now there was a pastor this last week who will remain unnamed to protect the guilty and uh he went over to visit an elderly woman in our church uh she uh

uh she had lost her husband a number of years ago she's in her 80s and he went over to just pay her visit and he was he sat there in her living room it was right around lunchtime and was kind of hungry and she had a big bowl of peanuts and as they talked he ate one and of course you can't eat just one and he started eating more and more and when they finally finished he realized he'd eaten the entire bowl of peanuts he felt a little uh embarrassed by it and he said to

this elderly woman she he said uh you know I'm I'm really sorry I've eaten all your peanuts and she said oh don't worry Pastor he said I can't chew on him after I've sucked the uh the chocolate [Laughter] off he said you know I felt a little foolish now we all do foolish things from time to time usually unintentionally sometimes intentionally you'd have a lot fewer problems if you were less foolish and more wise wisdom doesn't get rid of your problems but R wisdom definitely minimizes your problems if you know how to respond wisely to

situations your problems will be dramatically reduced in your life it's all about wisdom knowing how to handle things and uh not be foolish now nowhere Are we more foolish than in our relationships we foolishly treat people uh in ways that are really counterproductive in fact a lot of times we provoke people to do the very Behavior we don't want we foolishly think this is how I'm going to get what I need out of this relationship more fulfillment more intimacy more joy more SA satisfaction uh more uh stability I need my relationships to be fulfilling not

draining but actually the things you do are often counterproductive they are foolish they are not wise because if you do what you naturally feel like doing in a relationship it's almost always the wrong thing as I said wisdom doesn't eliminate problems but it it definitely does reduce them now the classic passage on wisdom and relationships is in the Book of James 3: 13 to 18 let me read it to you it's there on your outline it's here on the screen the Bible says this if you are wise and you understand God's ways you'll live a

life of steady goodness so that only good deeds pour forth and if you don't brag about the good you do then you will be truly wise but if you are bitterly jealous and there's selfish ambition in your heart don't brag about being wise that's the worst kind of lie for jealousy and selfishness are not God's kind of wisdom such things are Earthly and unspiritual and motivated by the devil for wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition there you will find disorder now let me just stop right there you got any chaos in your life got

any disorder in your life got any area of your life that's confused the Bible says wherever you find confusion wherever you find disharmony wherever you find disorder there's ego there's ego whether it's in the office or at home or at school he says wherever you find jealousy and selfish ambition you'll find disorder and every kind of evil now wisdom the kind of wisdom that comes from Heaven is first of all pure it's also peaceloving gentle at all times willing to yield to others it's full of mercy and Good Deeds it shows no partiality and it's

all always sincere now those who are peacemakers he's talking about in relationships those who are peacemakers plant seeds of peace and they reap a harvest of goodness now these verses teach us a whole lot about relationships that you're not going to learn anywhere else in life first the Bible teaches us that wisdom is a way of relating it has to do with what you do not what you think a lot of people think wisdom is intelligence wisdom is Smarts wisdom is education no no no no the world is full of educated fools the Bible says

that wisdom shows up primarily in your relationships you may have all kinds of knowledge and still be a fool you may have all kinds of education so many degrees they call you Dr Fahrenheit but you can still be foolish you can have all kinds of Brilliance and be technically smart but wisdom shows up in relationships that's why you can take a brilliant scientist whose family life is a mess he may be smart but he's not wise wisdom always has to do with relationships and it shows up and how you treat other people in other words

it's about your life not your lips it's about what you do not what you say it's not about your diploma it's about your disposition and in verse 14 to6 it says you know the way we typically relate to people he said those ways are foolish when we get bitter when we get angry when we get resentful uh when we get jealous when we get selfish and ambitious in relationships he goes all those are foolish ways that don't get you what you want and what you need out of the relationship in verse 18 it says Those

Who plant those who are peacemakers plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness every day in every relationship you are planting seeds I'll say it again every day in every relationship you are planting seeds and you're going to reap what you sow now you're planting either seeds of trust or distrust you're planting seeds of anger or peace you're planting seeds of Love or Harmony you're planting seeds in every relationship in your life every single day the question is what kinds of seeds how do I plant seeds of peace and the answer is I

got to be wise I've got to be wise I've got to do it the wise way now what we're going to do today is we're going to look at this passage because it teaches us the six things that wise people never do in relationships and I've done every one of them and so have you and they are foolish approaches to your relationships your boyfriend your girlfriend your husband your wife your friends your boss your employees your the neighbors these are six things that wise people never do and in verse 17 James gives us a checklist

these are the foundations of healthy relationships now in the future series uh uh weeks we're going to look at the crazy makers in your life how to diffuse deflect and defend yourself against the crazy makers but in any relationship half the problem is you it's how you respond and when you respond incorrectly to the crazy makers in your life you actually make it worse so let's get right into it foundations of healthy relationship six things wise people will never do in relationships number one first the Bible says that wisdom if I want to be wise

wisdom that comes from Heaven is first of all pure now Circle that word pure what's he mean by this word pure it means uncorrupted clean unpolluted clear untainted what's he talking about the word we use today is the word integrity he's talking about integrity and he's saying the foundation of all good relationships is integrity now why is integrity listed first because wisdom starts in the heart not in the head and the reason Integrity is listed first is this all relationships are built on trust no trust no relationship and all trust is built on truth if

you don't have truth you don't have trust if you don't have trust you don't have a relationship if a guy's lying to his wife all the time he may have an arrangement but he doesn't have a relationship he may have a commitment but he doesn't have a relationship because relationships are built on truth because truth is the foundation of trust honesty is the Bedrock of all relationships you got to be honest you got to shoot straight with people if if if you're just lying to the people in your life you don't have a relationship you've

probably never heard of Leonard Keeler but Leonard Keeler is a pretty famous guy Dr Leonard Keeler invented the lie detector and during his lifetime he tested over 25 5,000 people on the lie detector he wrote a book about it his conclusion we all lie well duh he says human beings are fundamentally and by Nature dishonest you lie to God you lie to other people and you lie to yourself all the time in fact you lie to you more than anybody else we have the amazing ability to tell ourselves things that aren't true and convince ourselves

that they are you lie to yourself all the time the Bible says the heart is deceitful that means we have an amazing ability to con ourselves we think things are right when they're not and we think things are not right when they are and so he says you got to start with Integrity the Bible says in Ephesians look up here on the screen Ephesians 4:25 you must stop telling lies tell each other the truth because we all belong to each other in the same body now here is the first Mark of wisdom if you you

want your relationships to get better this summer number one is this if I want to be wise in my relationships I won't compromise my Integrity I won't compromise my Integrity I won't violate my conscience I won't compromise my convictions I won't live a double life I won't lie to you I'll tell you the truth because trust is built on truth no truth no trust no trust no relationship Proverbs 2:7 says this there on your outline God grants a treasure of Good Sense and by the way that's what you need in relationships you need a treasury

of Good Sense God grants a treasure of Good Sense To The Godly he is their Shield protecting those who walked with Integrity you need a shield in your life against the crazy makers there are people who try to mess up your life all the time and God says I will be a shield in your life you need a shield against crazy makers but he says you got to walk with Integrity if you're going to have my shield in your life so first wisdom is pure and if I want to be wise in my relationships I

won't compromise my Integrity number two wisdom is peaceloving that's the second thing it says in other words wise people are peacemakers they're not troublemakers wise people don't carry ship on chip on their shoulder wise people are not always looking for a fight do you love a good fight then you're not wise the Bible says wisdom is peaceloving fools love to fight just go on the internet there it's full of them just look up any blog foolish people love to fight they love to argue they love to mix it up with people some people get into

politics just because they love the fight that's not smart it's dumb it's foolish the Bible says wisdom is peaceloving it's not always trying to provoke anger so here's the the second thing if I want to be wise in my relationships I won't antagonize your anger I won't antagonize your anger in other words I don't push your hot buttons intentionally I don't provoke your rage I don't egg you on now fact is if you've been around anybody for any length of time you've pretty soon figure out what irritates them and you file that back in the

back of your mind as tool to use when we get in an argument it's a weapon of mass destruction and you know what pushes their button and you know what just ticks them off and when you get in an argument and they say something that hurts you offends you or slights you in any way then you pull out the big gun you use the weapon of mass destruction you push their hot button and you go and they go and you go works every works every time you know what the Bible calls that stupid you're not

getting any closer to the resolution you're not helping the relationship in fact you're hurting it it is not wise if I'm wise I don't antagonize your anger I don't use weapons of mass destruction that I know are going to tick you off I don't push your buttons even when I know what your buttons are and even when you've already pushed mine I'm going to be the wiser person and I'm not going to push back Proverbs 20:3 says this any fool can start an argument any fool can start arguments the wise thing is to stay out

of them so don't be baited by internet trolls who you know they'll say something off the wall and then you get stuck arguing with them online you don't even care about these people he says don't don't get baited don't don't get baited and don't antagonize people's anger now during this series we're going to have some fun because we're going to laugh at ourselves because we all use tools tricks of the trade skills in relationships that are actually counterproductive they're hurtful they're harmful and they don't get you what you want out of relationship in fact they

get you the exact opposite Behavior but when we lack wisdom we use them anyway now there are lots of these we're going to look at them in the weeks ahead let me just mentioned three of them today uh tools that you should never use cuz these always antagonize other people's anger if you're wise you're never going to do these things anymore with people in relationships number one is comparing you might write that one down comparing you're going to antagonize somebody's anger when you start comparing them to anybody else it always makes them mad why can't

you be like so and so or you're always like so and so or you're just like your mother oh that's very helpful okay you can guess the predictable response to that one you're just like your mother oh thank you you're just like your dad 2 Corinthians 10:12 says anybody who Compares is a fool it's foolish it's not wise never compare your wife your husband your kids your yard your boss or anybody else cuz everybody's unique comparing and antagonizes anger condemning a antagonizes don't do it when you start laying on the guilt in a relationship you

start trying to make people feel guilty for what they've done you start trying to make them feel ashamed you should be ashamed all you're going to do is get the exact opposite of what you expect it doesn't work it's foolish ladies let me explain something to you every man is fighting his conscience all the time whether he realizes it or not he may not even realize it but every man is constantly fighting his conscience when you decide to be a man's conscience guess who he gets angry at he takes all that anger he's fighting against

himself and his own conscience than his own ethics and he just turns it on you is that what you want no no you don't want that so that's a foolish thing to do don't try to be somebody else's God don't try to be somebody else's conscience you should you must you ought you need to you always you never anytime you use those words dumb because all you're going to do is you're going to take that guy who's fighting his own conscience and all of a sudden he starts fighting you because you represent his conscience it

doesn't work comparing and and and uh condemning and number three contradicting always makes people mad you ever watched a spouse correct every detail of a story while the other person's telling it it's irritating anybody want to give a testimony okay it's irritating I if I'm wise I won't antagonize your anger if you're wise you don't sweat the small stuff okay you just don't sweat it you don't sweat the small stuff you don't get hooked into it William James the famous psychologist said wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook and there's some stuff you

just need to overlook and you're not try to make a big deal about you're not contradicting Proverbs 14:29 says this A wise man controls his temper he knows that anger causes mistakes have have you ever said or done anything stupid out of anger yes because when you get angry your your intelligence goes out the window when you get angry you say and do stupid things that are actually self-defeating did you know there's only one letter difference between anger and danger when you get angry you are in dangerous territory you are about to hurt yourself with

your own anger the Bible says wise man controls his temper he knows that anger causes mistakes so if I'm wise I don't compromise my integrity and I don't antagonize your anger number three the third thing the Bible says wisdom is gentle all the time it's gentle all the time it is courteous the Bible says in the living Bible the NIV translates it considerate if I'm wise I'm always going to be considerate look at up here on the screen Philippians 4 4 5 says this in the bible let everyone see that you are considerate in most

of everything you do oh it didn't say that it says let everybody see that you are considerate in what all you do I don't like that word I looked it up in the original Greek it means all wait a minute you mean I have to be considerate when people are inconsiderate to me yes I have to be considerate to clerks who are jerks yes when people are rude to me I don't get to be rude back no not if I'm smart if I'm foolish I can get back but if I want to be wise if

I want to have wisdom I am always always always considerate I am not allowed to call you names I am not allowed to be rude to you I'm not allowed to slur you back I'm not allowed to get even because that puts me on the same level as you I am always to be considered now this is so important wise people are considerate even when people are blasting away at them why because being considerate is the antidote to the two most common mistakes foolish mistakes that you make in relationships the two most common mistakes that

you make in relationships and the first mistake you make is we React to what people say and ignore how people feel dumb we pay too much attention to their words and not enough attention to their emotions the words don't really matter people say stuff when they're angry they don't even mean they use words they don't even intend to use they exaggerate things but you need to look behind the words and look at the emotion because that's what it is people don't always say what they mean but they always feel what they feel and so if

you are wise in a relationship you stop focusing on what your kids or your boyfriend or your husband or your wife or your boss says that just ticks you off and you start looking behind and go what are they what's the emotion they're feeling there and why are they feeling that emotion that's what wise people do you see being considerate means simply mindful of the feelings of others to be considerate means mindful of the feelings of others not the words but the feelings and if I'm considered even when you blast me I look Beyond and

I go now what would cause them to feel that way and I I just let the words roll right past me and I go what would cause them to be that uptight that irritated that rude hurt people always hurt people unkind people are those who need your kindness the most they need massive doses of kindness when people are rude and unkind they are screaming to the world I'm in pain people who are not in pain are are kind people who are always in pain are unkind and rude hurt people hurt people so you look beyond

the words and you look at the the the feelings Romans 15:2 says this here on the screen we must be considerate that means mindful of the feelings of others of the doubts everybody's got doubts and the fears everybody's got fears of others let's Le the other person not ourselves in doing what's good for him and build him up we React to what people say and ignore what they're feeling big mistake the other mistake we do is we invalidate any feelings that we don't feel ourselves I don't feel it so you shouldn't if I don't feel

what you feel then your feeling is dumb it's irrational it's illogical it makes no sense and you shouldn't feel it and we just dismiss it because we don't feel it then then you shouldn't feel it that's foolish that is not wise you ever played this game it's cold in here no it's not yes it's cold in here no it's not I'm cold no you're not actually it's quite warm in fact I'm burning up in here no you're not and you start arguing over you know all kinds of stuff you know it's just a feeling it's

not a fact it's just a feeling you can argue over facts this is a feeling can somebody be cold and somebody else be warm at the same time yes yes so why are you arguing about it whoever invented the Dual control electric blanket should be given the Nobel Peace Prize it saved millions of marriages now if they can just figure out how to do the air conditioning in the car and a little thing right in the middle you when we invalidate other people's feelings because we don't feel it we minimize that person guys if your

girlfriend or your wife says to you I feel ugly you don't dismiss it you're not ugly that doesn't help at all you what you need to do is say why would you feel that what would make you say that because you need to look beyond the feeling I mean I mean the the words and say why do would she say I'm a she's obviously not ugly but for you to just say you're not ugly that's not helpful that's not helpful when they says I feel ugly you need to go why would you say that what's

making you feel that today now you're getting to the real issue somebody says I'm afraid well don't be oh thank you that was very helpful I really felt you're more moral support right there just in I will you I'm scared to death and you say don't thank you very much that is minimizing now if you don't get anything else I say get this today feelings are neither right nor wrong they're just there feelings are neither right nor wrong they're just there they're not facts so you don't need to argue it they're just feelings and if

I feel something I shouldn't have to defend it and if you feel something you shouldn't have to defend it somebody should just go I hear you and maybe other people feel that way too what we do is we try to convince people that they're feelings are wrong and you're always going to lose at that one number three if I want to be wise I won't minimize your feelings I don't compromise my Integrity I don't antagonize your anger push your hot buttons and I don't minimize your feelings wisdom acknowledges your feelings and doesn't diminish them you

see the typical reaction when we don't feel what other people feel we do two things number one we belittle them if you had a brain you would know that's just not true and you wouldn't feel that way we belittle that doesn't help and the other thing this is worse is we play psychologist now the reason you feel this way is is because your father oh okay all right you know you are not a psychologist and you you are condescending when you try to tell people why they feel the way they feel you don't even know

why you feel the way you feel you can't figure out your own motives half the time why would you think you could figure out somebody else's the moment you start judging somebody else's motives you're playing God and you're wrong that's a battle you're going to lose don't play psychologist Proverbs 15:4 says this in the Bible kind words bring life but cruel Words Crush your spirit you ever come home from a day of work and play the game my day was worse than your day well I had this problem you know and you know your husband

or your wife or your roommate tells you all the bad things and instead of you sympathizing empath Ing and being considerate you say you think you had problems no no those are minor let me tell you what a real problem is and you start telling your problem is that actually helping the relationship no it's foolish it's dumb it's not wise the Bible says wisdom is gentle wisdom is considerate is it possible you both had a tough day yes is it possible that you could be considerate of their tough tough day without having to top it

yes what am I saying I'm saying if you want to be wise if you want to stop making the same stupid relational mistakes over and over and over you need to stop minimizing other people's feelings you need to let your girlfriend your boyfriend your spouse your parents your children whoever you need to let them feel what they feel without minimizing it you need to let them feel tired when they're tired and not try to talk about out of you need let them feel depressed when they're depressed and not try to talk them out of it

you need to let them feel angry or alone or scared when they feel that way friends offer kind words not remedies the other day Kay was being interviewed and they asked her they said do you wake up Grumpy in the morning she said no I usually let him sleep she she's considerate she's she's considerate she lets me sleep in some days I don't believe in God before 11:00 a.m. number four wisdom is willing to yield to others Pastor Tom is going to come and teach us on this fourth Mark of wisdom it's open to reason

it allows discuss discussion this Greek word upus it's the only time in the whole Bible this word is used and it's a great word for wisdom and relationships it means you're not stubborn you're not defensive now how do you know that how do you know if you have this kind of quality in your life one of the main ways you know is how you listen that's one of the main ways that you see this willingness to yield to others the wiser you are the better a listener you will be and the more foolish you are

the less you will listen to others I I've got to admit I do a very unwise thing all the time in relationships it's totally unwise I tend to finish people's s es for them anybody else do this you know they're saying something and I I want to move the conversation along so I like say the end of the sentence that's very unwise because I'm not letting them say what they want to say and I may not hear really what I need to hear in that so if you're Wise It's you realize it's foolish to cut

people off it's foolish to not let people have their say it's foolish to jump to conclusions so instead of that you want to be you want to be open to reasion you want to be willing to listen you want to be willing to learn now if I asked you are you a reasonable person I think most of us would say yes I'm reasonable let me ask you how do you know you're reasonable because think about this if you were unreasonable you wouldn't know you were unreasonable because you were unreasonable so how do you know if

you're really a reasonable person one of the ways that you know is do you listen to others let me tell you one of the main ways you know if you're a reasonable person can people you disagree with reason with you if if you have people in your life you disagree with them but they can reason with you you can talk through it that's one of the ways that you know that you're a reasonable person but a lot of us we we have this attitude don't confuse me with the facts My Mind Is Made Up When

I want your opinion I'll give it to you we have this kind of an attitude and so because of that we're not wise in relationships and because of that we all struggle with this we have we have this over sensitivity when it comes to talking to other people with other people's suggestions because it it's tough let's just admit it it is tough to hear the suggestions of other people you have to put yourself out there like that new pastor who said to his church first sermon he was preaching and he said you know I really

want I really want your honest suggestions afterwards so after the message he was talking to one of the men in the church and he said okay give me your honest suggestions and the guy said well honestly Pastor that sermon stunk and the guy looked at him and said he was trying to be reasonable he said well well okay what what exactly stunk about it he really wanted to hear and he said well there were three things that stunk about it first you read it second you read it poorly and third it wasn't worth reading in

the first place now the next guy that came talked to the pastor was trying to encourage him and said don't worry about old Jim he just repeats what everybody else says so don't don't worry about don't worry about that at all the tough thing about listening to other people and hearing their suggestions is is you got to put yourself out there and it can hurt sometimes but if you're going to be wise in fact write this in with me if I want to be wise I won't criticize your suggestions I won't criticize your suggestions a

wise person can learn from anybody listen even a broken clock is right twice a day so people in your life they're going to be right and let me tell you something God does in my life and he's going to do in your life to totally humble you when it comes to listening to other people's suggestions there are going to be people in your life the most irritating people in your life the you drive me crazy kind of people we're talking about sometimes they're going to have a good suggestion that person in your family that they're

wrong about everything else are going to be right about something that person at your office that person at your school it's the worst thing in the world when the very person you that's driving you crazy has a good suggestion for your life but let me ask you can you learn from them can you learn from anybody look at this next verse in the outline Proverbs 18:15 intelligent people are always open to new ideas in fact they look for them anywhere and everywhere you look for these new ideas now what if what if people have a

stupid idea well you do the same thing with their stupid idea that you do with your stupid ideas if it's a good idea you listen to it and you learn if it's a stupid idea then you ignore it and you forget it stop wasting your life trying to prove a stupid idea right or wrong just move on resp to the next good idea if I'm wise I'm open to suggestions I won't criticize your suggestions you know I have spent much of my life hanging out with people I totally disagree with so I could share the

love of Jesus with them and help them come to know Christ which means I've heard a lot of stupid ideas I've sat in groups of people who sh me stuff that's the most off-the-wall crazy idea what do you do you just smile and you nod and you don't interrupt and you let them say their entire peace because what I've learned is if you let people say their entire peace they'll let you say your entire peace and then I can come back and say well here's what I think here's what I believe here's what the Bible

says and people go oh well that makes sense I never thought about it that way but if you try to interrupt them in advance you try to take them down Point by point you are being fool it is foolish to try to take people down Point by point you just make them mad as Tom said you just got to listen you got to be open to reason now number five the Bible says wisdom is full of mercy and Good Deeds Circle that word mercy if I'm going to be wise I'm going to maximize Mercy I'm

going to Major on Mercy in my relationships full of mercy and good deeds in other words it's wise to show Grace to people when they mess up when they blow it when they sin when they fumble when they flub up when they have faults when they fail it's wise to show Mercy when people show up it's wise to cut people slack when they mess up let me let's just take it this way who is the wisest person in the universe God who is the most merciful person in the universe God you think there's any little

connection there yes fool are judgmental wise people are merciful anytime I start judging you I'm being foolish any time I'm being merciful I'm being like God and that's wise it's wise to give people the benefit of the doubt it's wise to show Grace to show Mercy to be forgiving to cut people some slack God Cuts me slack all the time so I better cut it to somebody else everything you you have in life is a sheer gift from God your next breath is because of the mercy of God you wouldn't be alive if it weren't

for the mercy of God if it weren't for the grace of God you wouldn't see hear touch smell you wouldn't exist everything and I have and everything you have is because God is a merciful and gracious God God doesn't give me what I deserve he gives me what I need if I got what I deserved I wouldn't be standing here if you got what you deserve you wouldn't be alive God God doesn't give you what you deserve he gives you what you need that's mercy and the Bible says that's Wise Wise people give people what

they need not what they deserve that's mercy and that's wisdom so here's the fifth Mark of wisdom in a relationship if I want to be wise my kids my boyfriend my girlfriend my husband my wife if I want to be wise I won't emphasize your mistakes because I am merciful wise people don't rub it in Wise people rub it out wise people are merciful so let me ask you how high do you rate on Mercy do you jump on every fault or blunder you know great move kuto you know you're always picking at people always

pointing out their errors and mistake do you continually bring up the past and every little sin that your husband or your wife or your girlfriend or whoever has done you file it back so you can pull it out when you need to to get a little leverage heard about a high school kid recently came home from school with a bad report card and his dad blew a gasket and uh next day he went back to school and and his friend at school said what did your dad think he said oh my dad got historical he

said don't you mean hysterical he said no historical he told me everything I've ever done wrong do you do that you you you know you let it all pile up you let it all Dam up and then when somebody hits you at the wrong spot you just blah you let it all out that is foolish because wisdom is full of Mercy it's full of good deeds the Bible says in Proverbs 179 love forgets mistakes nagging about them Parts the best of friends now think of the person who's closest to you in your life right now

okay think of the person who's closest to you in your life and even though you love them there's some things they do that just flat out bug you I mean it really bugs you you know those things that really get you going let it go let it go it is foolish to hold on to it let it go there's so many things to love about him Let It Go no you're not God last week I saw Mike and Sally kall out here on the campus Mike has been on staff in facilities for many many years

and I happen to know that Sally and mic had just had their 50th wedding anniversary and uh Mike had kissed Sally and she was getting ready to drive off and I walked over to Sally's car she rolled the window down and I said congratulations Sally on 50 years of marriage I said what is the secret of a 50e lasting marriage she looked at me she said pastor I never tried to change him she drove off and I'm not making this up this is the exact truth and they had not colluded on this I walked up

to Mike who was further on up the way and I said Mike congratulations on 50 years of of marriage I said what's the secret of 50 years of marriage he said I never tried to change her they had both said the exact same thing wisdom is full of Mercy number six the Bible says that wisdom is impartial and always sincere now this is interesting these two words in the Greek and the original Greek in the Bible are the words adicross and anoos they're very similar words impartial and sincere anos um let me explain it this

way the Greeks invented theater comedies tragedies you know all Plato Socrates Sophocles all these guys wrote very famous plays and in Greek plays one guy would often be an actor and would play many parts he'd come out wearing a mask and he'd say his part then he'd go back behind the stage he'd get another mask he'd come back out and he'd play somebody else's part then he'd go back behind the stage and he'd get another mask and he'd come back out he's playing many roles and wearing many masks and the word in Greek for that

person he was called a hippoc critos we get the word hypocrite from it it means he wears a mask he's always acting a different role hippocras always playing a role always wearing a mask these words are the exact opposite adicross anoc critos that means impartial and sincere it means you're genuine you're without a y you're the real deal the word we would use today is the word authentic authentic now here's the sixth key if I want to be wise in my relationships I won't disguise my intentions I won't wear a mask I won't fake it

I won't pretend I won't try to be somebody that I'm not I won't lie to you I won't cheat you I won't trick you I won't fake you out I won't take advantage of you I won't deliberately mislead you the point is this fools are fakes wise people are authentic they're the real deal they aren't phonies they're genuine they're authentic they're warts and all what you see is what you get now there are two places today where people fake it more than anywhere else where people are phony they don't show their true selves more than

anywhere else two places places online and on dates they don't show their true selves they're always trying to make themselves look better than they really are online and on dates Psalm 12:2 look up here on the Bible says oh Proverbs 10:18 the lips of a liar conceal hostility and whoever spreads accusations is a fool let me read you Psalm 122 everyone lies to his neighbor their flattering lips speak with deception you know dating actually sets up relationships to be phony because dating in itself is an artificial relationship you look your best you act your best

you talk your best you dress your best shoot you smell your best on a date it's not the real you it's passing gas and burping know no no you're just super cool and and you're you're not really real you on dates you know no man would ever actually go to the Opera except on a date okay ladies you just need to realize no man likes Opera okay okay really in fact you laugh at things on dates that aren't even funny it's you know somebody says it and your date says something well it was the stupidest

thing you ever heard but you laughed at it anyway okay it is a phony fake relationship in fact no place on the planet Earth is more inauthentic more phony than a singles bar I mean it is the epitome of fake phony inauthentic relationships nowhere else on the planet can a total stranger come up to you and offer to buy you something C can I buy you a drink you don't even know me I mean were you in ser a guy walks up and says can I give you your toaster I mean really you're in Albertson's

care for a box of Captain Crunch you're kind of cute you know can I get you some pickles it's so phony it's so fake if I'm honest if I'm real if I'm wise I'm not going to disguise who I really am now let's review how wise are you in your relationships do you ever compromise your integrity that's not wise do you antagonize other people's anger and push their buttons intentionally just to get even dumb not wise do you minimize feelings you shouldn't feel that way do you criticize suggestions that's a dumb idea do you emphasize

mistakes and you rub it in in rather than out do you disguise your attention friends as your pastor who loves you if you don't wise up if you don't wise up if you don't learn some Godly wisdom you're going to go through your entire life making the same relational mistakes over and over and over and over and you're not going to get what you want out of that relationship a intimate satisfying Souls satisfying relationship the kind that God intended for you to have how do I get the wisdom to stop making foolish mistakes in relationships

well there's only two places you get wisdom you don't get it from college you don't get it from online uh you know blogs you don't get it from TV shows you get wisdom from knowing god and doing what he says to do doing his word knowing god and doing his word you can get intelligence you can get facts you can get information you can get smarts you can get technical skills from going to school but you don't get wisdom from going to school you get wisdom from knowing god and doing what he says to do

because he is the source of all wisdom now this book The Bible this is filled with relational wisdom for you and and if you'll stick with me for the next 6 weeks we're going to we're going to help revolutionize your relationships and my goal for this series is that you'll learn what God says to do and then you'll do it and the emphasis is on doing it you know this week I got a call um for Manny Pacquiao Manny Pacquiao is the world's greatest boxer pound-for-pound the strongest boxer ever the only man to win the

World Championship in eight different weight classes has voted box of the decade he's a Filipino he's a congressman in the Philippines and he read the purpose-driven life and gave his life to Christ and he told me Rick I I cried all the way through it the first time I read through it he said I give it to everybody and uh I was invited up to go up and and do a Bible study his biggest fight is coming up in about a week and said come on up and and and do a Bible study and you

know Manny grew up in in a poor family of six kids and at 14 his mom couldn't afford to keep him at home so she kicked him out and he grew up on the streets of Manila but he has filled his mind with the word of God and he has grown in the word of God and after we did this Bible study I just interviewed him on it it's a long interview but I'm just going to play about a minute watch this [Music] clip well we're here with the break uh after training with Manny Pacquiao

and his wife Jinky and Manny we've been doing a couple Bible studies right here at the table uh this guy's a a a Bible quoting Maniac he uh he quoted probably 50 different verses to me in the time we were talking how important is the word of God to you we we have a lot of um uh trials um troubles problems before in the past but um we survive because of the words of God we put in in the center we're not only uh believing praying it's not enough James 2 verse 19 and 20 it

says you believe that there is one God good even the demons believe that in other yeah so in 20 you foolish man do you want evidence that faith without Deeds is useless mean Deeds is in action action you have to to to to follow in Luke 6:46 it says why do you call me Lord Lord and you do not do what I say it's action again it's action again in in Matthew 7: 21 it says not everyone who says to me Lord Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven but only the one who does the

will of my father who is in heaven so but only the one who does is action does so it's all in action you have to do it we believe and pray and we have to apply in ourself it's not enough just to hear the word of God you have to do it exact you have to apply it you have to act on it you have to practice it uh you didn't become uh the greatest boxer of your time without applying anding and and practicing and and training so talk about training for a minute I have

the fight on Jun 9th I believe 100% that that I'm going to win I have faith that I'm going to win MH but how can I win if I don't train I don't have Deeds sure you you have to have the Deeds yes Deeds action you have I have to work action I have to work so same thing in the words of God even you hear the words of God you have to apply it in yourself so you have dids thank you my friend thank you God bless now Manny told me he said as an

athlete I have a training table that I eat very specific things four times a day and he said I got to thinking that if I had to eat four times a day for physical strength I needed to be eating spiritually four times a day for Spiritual strength so he says I study the Bible four times a day just like I eat four times a day to build spiritual strength now here at Saddleback we're always trying to develop tools to help you get into the word of God so you won't be a wimpy Christian so you'll

be a strongman and I'm excited to announce two things today one starting this weekend we're offering a video curriculum small group video curriculum based on each week's message so the message that I just taught you just now this afternoon it will be available in a small group curriculum that your small group can study it and discuss what we just talked about this week during your small group so I hope all of our small groups all 6,000 of them will go through the you make me crazy series they're going to be available Sunday afternoon every week

uh with the questions and video that you can watch uh to to to go deeper into what we've been talking about today second thing in September we're going to unveil the Saddleback phone and tablet app which is a Bible study app you can see it on the screen Church notes app the notes that you take every week starting in September you'll be a ble to take them on your phone or on a tablet you will be able to make notes on that keep notes send notes to other small group members watch the video on your

phone or on that uh tablet uh pass it on study it with people and share it with other people that's going to come out in September that's pretty cool isn't it yeah that's pretty cool that'll be available but you're not going to know the word of God until you know the Lord of God two verses look up here on the screen Psalm 111:1 respect for the Lord is the beginning of wisdom you want wisdom in your relationship you got to start with a relationship to the Lord and the Bible says in Colossians chapter 2 Jesus

is the key that opens all the Hidden Treasures of God's wisdom and knowledge you got to get to know Jesus I got a letter a while back where a guy told me he said Rick all my relationships constantly fell apart until I met Jesus and I began to learn the wisdom he gave me have you met Jesus let's bow our heads father I thank you for your word that you want us to be wise not foolish in our relationships and I pray that even today everyone here will make a commitment to be with us for

these six weeks as we talk about how to strengthen our good relationships how to heal our bad ones how to deal with the crazy makers in our lives but Lord today we start with us why don't you pray this prayer dear Jesus help me to not compromise my Integrity help me not to antagonize people's anger help me not to minimize people's feelings help me not to criticize people's suggestions or emphasize their mistakes help me not to disguise Who I Really Am help me to be authentic and real and genuine say God I need your wisdom

I want to know you Jesus Christ and I want to do your word if you've never invited Christ in your life life say Jesus Christ come into my heart and life right now and take control of my life I want to learn to trust you and love you in your name I pray amen