Family Held A Funeral Without Telling Me, Convinced Themselves That I Was There, And Now Refuse T...

family held a funeral without telling me convinced themselves that I was there and now refus to believe otherwise I'm 30 F and caused a major blow up in my family and now none of them are talking to me for background my hometown is Tiny 500 persons and when I went 2 hours away to the city 15,000 persons for college I loved it I ended up staying after graduation got married and I'm happy here for a decade I visit my hometown every few weeks or so call SL text my family near daily and thought we were

all good my family's pretty small just my brother mom stepdad dad stepmom and an aunt and uncle mom siblings never married no kids my mother's grandparents moved to my hometown when I was in high school and were just down the street from us my family has always been pretty drama-free aside from my parents divorce when I was a kid and we've been happy the stepparents were Blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together we're all super close and just the perfect little group ever since I moved away the topic of when am I

moving back is constant and I've always laughed it off my hometown has nothing you have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread 60 to 90 minute oneway commutes to work and floods shut down the main road every Easter I love the town but I love here more I have Parks stores community events a library the city is great my family grumbles that I need to move back but I refuse I've been trying to encourage them to come here especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility now to the meet and

potatoes both my grandparents passed over covid times they were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time thankfully they didn't catch it but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime they both passed in their sleep months apart both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safekeeping while the pandemic blew over that was 2021 well I just found out my family held a funeral for them and Scattered the ashes in my uncle's Maple Grove over the summer no one

said a word to me about it I've visited numerous times before and after and not one word I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister my grandma to her final resting place I was confused and called my mom she was all yeah the funeral we had in July remember y'all I visited them for the 4th of July they did the funeral the 8th not a word about it

to me they had planned this for months long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country apparently they talked about it all the time everyone is convinced I was at the funeral they swear I was there I can prove I wasn't because Google's got my location history my hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there too but he had to work every weekend in June and July time clock doesn't lie my family straight up forgot about me I'm hurt I'm sad and they're pissed at

me for lying they think I'm causing drama over nothing nothing I say can convince them I wasn't there my family is united in this and they've all put me on read until I admit I'm wrong they think I've gone nuts either there's a doppelganger of me attending events or my family doesn't want to admit they screwed up I'm not backing down thank Thanksgiving is coming up and my family's been vague posting on Facebook about forgetful kids and mental health it's so freaking weird and I don't know if I'm in Bizarro world or what's going on

my mom's best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize that I'm causing my mom so much unnecessary stress I asked her if she's checked everyone's home for CO2 she hung up on me we checked our CO2 and our testers are running just fine I have reached out to a few people in my hometown to check in on my folks and they all say they're fine I even spoke with the local volunteer firefighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks not sure if they were able to

I don't know what to do I've shown them the proof I wasn't there but they know I'm techsavvy and just assume I Photoshopped it hubby says we need a break and we're going to be staying home this holiday season update 1 it's 11:27 and Thanksgiving just happened hubby and I stayed home we got a small turkey and made our own little Thanksgiving it was nice we ate around noon then watched a movie and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses we usually take the

day before off drive to my folks stay the night and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking so it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence mom called and asked when I was showing up and I told her we were staying home this year but for them to have a Happy Thanksgiving and to give the rest of the family my love she was quiet for a long time after I said that and I think she eventually mumbled an okay or something and hung up it wasn't an angry hang up just a hang up

on Thanksgiving Day I sent a group Happy Thanksgiving gift to our family group chat I received a few happy thanksgivings back no one said anything else else there's been no posts on Facebook update too so I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning we're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough I'm used to talking to him you know well I was

sitting outside in my usual spot watching the sunrise and freezing my butt off and he called me I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt it was a mix of panic hope Terror happiness and Dread I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted it was an awkward conversation he didn't address the current drama but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of a cow on stilts for instance a simple how are you doing type question was answered with a not good and the whole conversation would

stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well so we ended up talking about the weather the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders and the Christmas decorations around town things like that eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas and sounded sad when I told him we weren't he asked if him and stepmom could come visit us instead and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year that hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together I let him know he should be receiving

some gifts at his PO Box any day now so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone he said he'd ship hours to us as well and that was pretty much it no crazy drama to report the only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones countdowns photos of Santa silly gift ideas photos of company Christmas parties on a person Al note hubby and I are doing all right our health is good our Spirits high and we're as solid as ever we each got

Christmas bonus at our jobs so we're excited about that they're not large but we're happy to have them we have also done Advent calendars for the first time ever I got him a Lego one and he got me a hot chocolate one we're going to do the calendars again next year maybe make a tradition out of it everyone please have a safe and happy holidays I've received a lot a lot of messages and private DMS urging me to check into inheritance and such I'm really touched a lot of Internet rers are worried about me and

I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here I'd almost be relieved if it was because then it would at least make some sense money does weird things to people you know no one in my family is Wealthy by any means after my grandparents passed their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up everyone directly related got an equal split so excluded my dad and the stepparents I don't remember the exact amount I received but it was around $5,000 if I recall

my brother gave me a share too so I could finished paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active the great uncle from California has kids and grandkids and great grandkids of his own and also isn't wealthy I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance but I'm not entirely sure I can't imagine he left us anything as we hardly knew him my mom aunt and uncle only met him a few times in their lives and my brother and I even less grandma and him were close but I don't

think he liked my grandpa much I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect yesterday was Sunday but I didn't answer my dad when he called I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat so let it go to voicemail he tried to reach me a few times throughout the day but I didn't answer our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas Day lunch today so husband and I were busy all Christmas

Eve making cookies peanut brittle and homemade suckers slh hard candies for his kids mom tried to reach out as well but I also ignored her calls we had a blast at lunch our friends kids are a lot of fun to be around they got some techy presents from their grandparents Quest VR headset and steam decks lucky little rascals friend and his wife aren't good with tech while hubby and I are so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and in-laws the grandparents didn't realize that a steam

deck required a steam account so we got the kids all their own accounts set up added them to our steam friends lists and gifted them some games we also bought them a few VR games for their headset and they were Off to the Races with beat saber and no time as for my folks my brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset which they deserve spoke with my brother over the phone this morning for starters he apologized for everything him and

I are good for now for a bit of background my brother and I are only two years apart there weren't a lot of kids around growing up so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together so we have a lot of shared interests and passions he's been pretty silent on this whole matter but still part of the group if you know what I mean I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful because he's always been there he was my rock until I met my my husband

he's definitely a mama's boy though so anything mom wanted he made sure she got I'm happy to have him back without further Ado here's the story from the horse's mouth Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year which no one told me about go figure and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January which I did know about this sense of mortality has apparently lit a fire under mom's ass to get me back home but since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting she and stepmom decided to go full crazy

my great uncle's Health was bad and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister my grandma for a while so the moms decided to plan it and used the event as a giant middle finger to me they kept all the planning pretty Hush Hush between the two of them so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like two weeks before the mom said theyd invited hubby and I no one thought anything about it no one thought to mention confirm or check with me the plan was to scatter

the ashes say a few words and maybe head to town for lunch it was a small Affair the moms didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it like I said it was a small thing barely a footnote no one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people 4th of July happens hubby and I are out no one thought to mention it as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time anytime the topic of this weekend would start the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms

we went back home 8th of July happens great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids grandkids and great grandkids and it's a surprise to everyone but the moms everyone drives to the Maple Grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff it's a full-blown party no one on my side noticed I wasn't there because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group they did the spreading of the ashes they said their words they ate they had a great time it wasn't until our great uncle left and all

his side left with him that they realized I wasn't there and hadn't been there and this is where the crazy went up a notch my brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there and that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about because none of them thought to reach out right they basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation [ __ ] and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up somehow it was my fault for being excluded so suddenly

everyone was on their side with sticking it to me but then a few months went by and tempers cooled and then I guess the horror of it set in followed by the shame but by then they were in too deep how do you undo something like this and since I hadn't brought it up I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral that's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom who panicked and went with the stupidest Sol ution

claiming I was there don't I remember I ended up talking with a few friends from high school mentioning the situation and word got back to those in town so suddenly Town gossip and little old church ladies got involved was I or wasn't I at the funeral did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know or am I just causing a ruckus my brother said they all just went with Mom's answer of course they wouldn't forget me of course I was there of course they're good people and it

just snowballed the family expected me to eventually fold I'm usually a non-confrontational person so me sticking to my guns was unexpected and then I miss Thanksgiving and now Christmas with no sign of backing down and I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking he's tried just getting them to apologize and explain but stubbornness prevails they want a rug sweep but I'm not letting them my brother is upset with everything that's happened he's realized just how crappy it all has been and he

wants nothing to do with it anymore but since he lives with my mom he can't get away from it he has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit I spoke with hubby and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants brother Works remotely so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow not entirely sure but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives on a side

note hubby stoked that my brother and I made up the two usually game together but haven't due to the situation he's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival I'm happy to see him so excited my brother rolled in late last night he'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door he just held me and sobbed I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another he kept apologizing over and over again said he wasn't sure why

he went with it just kept saying sorry hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked my brother's a wreck he's always been a big guy but he's lost a lot of weight in his clothes just hang off him if I didn't know better I'd think he was on drugs we talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband I told hubby the story but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped this morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee

and getting his workday going hubby's off all week lucky so hubby made us working folks some pancakes and bacon so far everything's peaceful we've decided not to answer any calls from our family they've been made aware that he arrived safely and that we are going to spend the New Year's together and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st they may text if they wish I'm sure they're losing their minds serves them right everyone have a safe and happy New Years don't drink and drive I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays and

May the New Year be full of joy and happiness not too much of an update things here have been quiet my brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate our place isn't very big but we have full basement and a nice outside patio SLP porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition he's a quiet and clean guy no hassle at all he got some fresh clothes from the Walmart a haircut and trimmed his beard so he's more presentable now he's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up he's made

nice with a very nosy but kind retired couple next door and is adapting to City living nicely folks back home have been mostly well behaved there's been a few texts back and forth as we're not answering calls mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back but he's keen on staying here for a while Mom said I can't keep him and I told her he's a grownass man and can do what he wants brother says he has her blocked after she ordered him to return home brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term

should he decide to or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay which we're fine with he has a good paying job and could afford an apartment but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it should that be the case he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space my brother is officially staying with us for the long hul hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own

area to be comfortable in he's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house our windows and doors have never closed and lock/unlock smoother he even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open sadly he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys this is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday the mom showed up they'd been calling and texting us all week but we weren't really answering them so I guess the two decided to

drive over and hash it out in person they have emergency keys to my place and just let themselves in brother told them to leave they argued and my nosy but kind neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion so we get a call from Neighbors Wife return home to some cops in our yard all the neighbors out vacuuming their trees and my nose but kind neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them doing their best Gandalf you shall not pass impression had to talk with the cops explained that we were having a

family dispute and word vomited I don't really remember what all I said and was shaking a lot our local cops are really great fantastic guys and gals in blue and took it all in stride it's really cold here so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked they asked if we wanted the moms trespass but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave which the cops

did with no fuss I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously they didn't fight or scream at us just left quietly my dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone or else he said he'd also have a Stern talk with my mom him and I talked Sunday morning and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope husband jokingly told my dad he could move in too to which he declined not sure where to go from here but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive and everyone

but my dad is blocked hopefully they all just leave alone had a lot of DMS for updates but don't have much anything to report on the moms are behaving themselves all's Quiet on the Western Front felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting no updates to everyone so here's what we've been doing should anyone care dad got a new bird SL squirrel feeder from Amazon looks like a little picnic table for a child's Dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed I think it's supposed to be for chickens it's totod dorbs to his horror it also

works as a Cooper Hawk feeder so now he's fortifying his defenses and putting up some trellises around it he'll have to wait till warmer weather before planning anything to grow on them we had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion activated camera that double functions as a light bulb it goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool video quality isn't all that great but it's a nice addition I guess it does overlook the bird feeders so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have

to go into the office hubby and brother are feuding they started a coupe Farm in stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah my husband confided in me that he's also been Romancing Sebastian as a backup I'm not not sure why he's keeping this a secret but he's pretty smug about it update three my dad came out for a visit over the weekend we had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers it was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in

good spirits here's his report from back home stepmom dad's wife has started to realize she's screwed up I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her she leaves his kids alone or she's getting divorce papers that apparently shut her up right quick because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it but it wouldn't end favorably for her she hasn't worked in years so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony but I'm not versed in any of

that legal mumbo jumbo dad didn't seem too worried about it so I'm not going to worry about it stepdad was pissed the police were involved in the last mom visit despite no one getting arrested or anything and was in a the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in mindset when my dad pointed out that the kids in question were all in their mid-30s it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sales according to my dad even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that so so part of

me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown and no longer children she could make demands of both of the moms have left us alone I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss but I think the cops spooked her there was a wonderful suggestion by a commandor to get their Pastor involved which I passed along to my dad dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything he's a young guy relatively new to their church and joke that his first

month on the job he had to do three funerals in a row and his new flock were just dying to get away from him so he's got a sense of humor which is is nice the new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true come to Jesus type moment next month so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family dad said the Pastor was aware our family was having some troubles but unsure of exactly what was going on and since

he was new the pastor didn't want to pry he has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's Maple Grove later in the summer as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring according to my dad my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet update four happy April fools everyone I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite I also hope your Easter weekend was a

delightful one it is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal the entire family Aunt Uncle moms dads brother me husband and Pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to Hash the situation out as expected from what my dad said my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs which was nice my uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't

sticking around for the weekend I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason the pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such he then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be no one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk it was nice the consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted

things to go back to normal the only ones who had any variants off this was my mom and stepdad they both wanted all us kids to move back to the area the pastor asked them why they wanted us back and neither could give a good reason other than because family and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were and we said we were he asked if we were happy there which we were he then asked my mom and stepdad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy and

mom broke down and said no we all had a good cry the pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance it was all very emotional but in a good way you know everyone apologized and admitted they fed up and did a really crappy thing we all talked for a long long time and the pastor was a great mediator eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're

good now emotions are still high in a little raw in areas but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time we're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship but I believe we're well and truly Out of the Woods as for my brother he's still staying with us and Mom will stop trying to guil trip him back home he's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision he knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants I think he

wants to try dating he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place LOL he's been going to a few random classes SL book clubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know he has been on a few lunches SL coffee dates with a couple girls but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try

at dating any of them HEK happy though which is all I could ask for I'm not sure if there will be any more updates as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void please be kind to one another and to yourselves thank you things as wonderful as the moment still doing baby steps with the moms we're texting and talking on the phones more which is nice

very civil dad accidentally bought a bunch of handcrafted bird feeders at a craft fair by accidentally I mean he had a little too much fun in the beer tent went for a stroll while stepmom wasn't looking and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought one of each he wouldn't tell me how many one of each was but he cackled like a witch when I asked stepmom said she's forcing him to give a few to me so I'm expecting a delivery or a dad visit any day now my brother is officially going steady with a girl

we've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart she's our age and has a little boy 5 to 6 years old I haven't asked from a previous relationship the dad's not in the picture from what I can gather she's the granddaughter of one of his book club members so the old ladies made good matchmakers in the end the relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them no new stardo Valley updates work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything and brother has

been distracted by his new lady friend so husband finally started balder's Gate 3 and fell for Gail's magic trick so now those two are a thing I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks update five I hope everyone's doing wonderful I know it's been a while lots of little happy updates incoming my brother moved out he's like 5 minutes away so it's not far but he's officially living on his own he's going steady with the same girl she's a catch sweet as can be she fits into the family so

well and everyone just adores her she's going to school to be a nurse and I know she's going to crush it hubby and I get to babysit her kiddo on the regular and he's a total hoot at first he was overly polite and a bit shy but one day my husband picked him up and husband was wearing his SCP hoodie turns out the kid is a massive SCP fan so we've all bonded and he's really opened up around us assuming my brother and her are still together come August we're hoping they can continue going strong

there's talk about kiddo taking the school bus to our place after school there's a stop at the bottom of our street and it would be no trouble for us to have him chill at hour house for a few hours until mom's off work have him work on homework or whatever I might have to learn whatever new math is but we'll cross that bridge when we get there mom's mellowed the freak out she stopped her insanity and seems to have accepted the new normal dad says she's turning back into the woman he once married which is

a bit depressing but also good I guess from what he says mom has started crosssing again which my brother and I never knew she knew how apparently she used to be massively into the hobby but after my brother and I were born she was terrified we'd get into the needles and hurt ourselves so she put it all away and never touched it again stepdad says she's much more relaxed and calm lately which I'm happy about she's respected our boundaries and has only come to visit when we allowed it our relationship has improved drastically dad and

stepmom are also doing well stepmom and us actually bonded quite nicely during January she needed hip surgery and since dad's house has more steps than high croth guard it was decided that she would stay with my husband and I her doctor scheduled the surgery at our local branch of their hospital and after she was released she came back to our place she ended up staying with us for most of January due to a massive ice storm that came tearing through the area I've spent time with a woman but never like this or for this long

it was like seeing a whole new side of her I never knew when Dad finally came to pick her up I was actually sad to have her leave you will all be happy to hear that we did manage to do a memorial for my grandparents it was exactly what my soul needed I didn't realize how much I needed to have that closure until was done like someone took a weighted blanket off me and I could breathe again it was a lovely service and a few of the little old church ladies made us some finger foods

to have back at the church afterwards and we all sat around eating and sharing stories about Grandma and Grandpa our next scheduled visit is for Easter and I can honestly say I'm looking forward to it I feel like I have my family back again