Sometimes, do you wonder, how did I reach here? You've been trying so hard You've been doing everything and you're here, not moving ahead. You're stuck and you look around and see the people moving ahead in life.
Like, relationship wise, career wise. In every way, they're moving ahead. Life is moving ahead and then here you're stuck.
Literally stuck for years. Even after trying, after giving your 100% things are just not moving ahead. It feels like you are standing in a line and you wave your hands vigorously.
God's eyes never notice you. Even after being there, you aren't visible. I don't know how and what happened but let me tell you how it all began.
So, I think it all began when I got placed after my MBA in 2016. I got my first, average job It was quite basic. In the company whose boss considered himself the king of and my colleagues were maids and bootlickers, if I may and I was a misfit right from day one like I just could not mix with those people.
And I Think in the first week itself I understood I couldn't do this for life, and I told my dad that I'll do it, but I won't be happy I can do it, but my father said, "Go Simran, go. Live your life! " And then, what is the point?
I joined on 2nd May 2016 and resigned on 2nd May 2017. Resign because I thought, man if I had to go to Canada I'd at least have an year's work. experience to show.
We will leave with this much backup. Okay? so I Somehow, through tears, I said, okay, it's not fun!
Let's leave it. Then I thought, what can we do now? So after I quit my job in 2017, I had I didn't have savings but I knew I wanted to do something of my own because I was not able to get myself to do a job And I couldn't do it, I knew it in myself you know it for sure!
My own friends who are doing amazing in life, they're killing it at their jobs but I know if I did it I wouldn't be able to do it, so I thought to myself - what can I do next? So then I thought, I used to do makeup for people in the hostel. There were lines outside my room because no one else knew how to do makeup except me I took that thing very seriously and said that now I will do makeup.
At the end of 2017, I got the job of assistant to a Bollywood celebrity makeup artist. Where my work was to do celebrities makeup and hair. .
. Not at all My job was only to pack their bags and clean the brushes and I'd stand in a corner In the corner where no one even knew whether a girl or a person is present I'd stand quietly in a corner, observe everything and when their work is finished Then pack their bags and get out of there. Friend, I am telling you right, I have become too humble.
I had an MBA, a job and left all that behind. Here now I am packing bags and cleaning brushes, so humble, I may have become too humble. At that time I thought that one day this time will be a part of my journey.
Someday I'll write a book and show that I have started from the ground up. I also started from scratch. I felt very strongly about my humility.
I didn't think out of feeling modest about myself that it starts like this. Then I did that work for a year and left it, thinking I wasn't enjoying it. Because there is a shoot somewhere at 2 o'clock in the night Then the next day at 7 am there is a shoot somewhere else, after that catch a flight somewhere else.
Go and shoot somewhere else. So it seemed like I was not getting any life. It's just like Shoot shoot shoot, so I thought there would be no growth for me here.
No one would give me a chance so soon and this lifestyle too. I can't handle it. Let's do a thing and switch, so in 2018 I packed my bags and said goodbye to my makeup artist and I started offering bridal makeup and from 2018 to 2019 I did this I really enjoyed bridal makeup and telling the truth.
I used to be alone, a one man army and would do makeup for four people myself. The bride's, her mother's and her two sisters' makeup, hair, Drping, because I didn't have a team and couldn't afford a team because of money The money would get divided. So I used to do everything alone.
That brother. . after finishing the four paisa The four paisa you get will turn into money, but when I used to come home, I used to be very happy, satisfied.
No stress. There was only one stress to find brides and keep getting brides I had the talent that people liked makeup, so people came through word of mouth. And during the wedding season, I used to have bookings.
For an year or half, I had a good enough clientele and people I really enjoyed my makeup and I remember when my brides used to get their makeup done I used to wait and watch them for five minutes. Wow! What makeup I have done!
I'm not looking at you, I'm admiring my work of art And brides appreciated, yes you see me. I used to love it! I used to genuinely love doing makeup on others then after that I realized It's not fun here even after a year.
Maybe because every girl wants to be Deepika Padukone or Anushka Sharma, means there was no room for creativity so there wasn't any scope of growth. If we compare it to shoots, That's where creativity happens, that's where you get to do something else too, but when its bridal makeup, the same thing repeats year after year, which is not a bad thing. I have an itch, isn't it?
What else, so I said, it's not fun here too. Let's leave this also, so I started YouTube Because I thought now we have learned from here so After learning this we will start making YouTube videos. but I didn't know what I was signing up for, I'll be honest When you're working behind the camera, right?
so your failures are yours your life is your own Everything is just yours Its nobody's business It's just you. No one knows Even if you fail, no one will know, 4 people will be shocked to the core You'll have to hear 2-4 abuses from your mother, that's about it. Who will know?
It's ok. We'll start again tomorrow, but when YouTube happened and the first time I did my makeup I felt that it was not giving that same satisfaction. which I used to feel in bridal makeup where I used to do others makeup I used to sit and admire them I used to zoom in and look at their photos.
That Wow! What an eye look I have done! When I'm doing it on myself, it doesn't feel that great What was it?
I had no other option because now I have shut everything. Okay? I've told all my clients and brides I have told everyone that I'm not doing makeup anymore.
I was also getting several calls, I told everyone that I am not doing bridal makeup anymore. Now I invested all the little money I had saved. In the lights?
okay? Bought expensive lights, I learned editing, I bought one Expensive laptop. I told my parents to change my room because There was no space in the room so I said friend I need a vanity set up, absolutely.
International Style. So I made a vanity setup and then when I did makeup When I started doing, started shooting, I realized, Man, it's not fun but there's no going back after so much investment How can you go back now? So you just know.
. the voice that says I am not having any fun, so I told that voice to shut up I am not listening to that voice because you don't enjoy anything. You keep quiet.
I simply said, let's do it. The world's doing it. Girls are doing it, people are doing it.
We have just started, who knows? Slowly and gradually maybe I'll start liking it but, how do I put it? I feel like there was the one thing.
That I get complete satisfaction from this one thing it was not coming plus I took editing on top of that. I started editing and shooting three videos each. Plus the four Instagram videos that I posted every week were really a lot.
So I started getting frustrated but I swept it under the carpet, what do you mean? This is life, I have to work a little hard. I'll feel a little frustration, a little irritation but never mind.
I think in 2021 I realized that yes, I wasn't enjoying this as much as I anticipated. I don't even know what that fun is, but I know that there is no fun here. It's not coming, there's something here that's not coming.
. . not completely I mean can do this.
I'm a jack of all trades, I can basically manage I can do that one thing to ignite my soul isn't coming So, at the end of the year 2021, I said, let's go! One thing I have learned from YouTube is that when I Post about girl talk or me I have a lot of fun doing something like this. The audience enjoys it and so do I.
Its a very girly vibe so why not, let's do a podcast? Seems like a logical next step So In 2021 I did a very amazing podcast, Simmy Said WHATT? !
Which was quite explicit. There was a lot of discussion about it on the internet. I thought this happened for the first time.
I felt seen and heard on the internet. A girl named Simmy also exists. She's doing something.
So now suddenly, it started getting attention. There were talks like, did you hear Simmy Said WHATT? !
It's quite like this, it's quite like that, but at the same time. People are listening and speaking a lot too and It was getting applauded. I got so much applause that the sound of the applause was loud enough to drown the few abuses.
I was loving my life. I was in a bubble, I am having fun. We had a lot of fun this season.
And that! What can I say! We were trending everywhere.
In fact, we even got offers for exclusivity, and of course I couldn't accept it cos I was like no way "The money you're offering is so low" and they never came back but anyway, they came. That's important. Then in 2022 I thought, this thing is going on well, let's just forward it.
In 2022 I shot my season 2. Now season 2 when I was shooting, somehow It was not the same vibe. Somehow, that one voice…I am very irritated with it now.
I have a lot of trouble with that voice, meaning it doesn't let me stay anywhere. so that The voice came back, it said "Are you sure? You want to continue this?
" And I am like bro, now? We're doing so well. You don't have to come again.
What will you do now, friend? Now everything's going great. We are trending.
Our work is going well. People like it. And we are having fun so now what does this mean, are you sure about?
So anyway I shut that voice but then at the same time, and even God was like, "You know this is not for you, I think we'll have to shut this". And everything. The thing that was moving as smoothly as butter Now everything is getting worse in season two.
There is a problem with uploading and editing. There is a problem in the shoot, there is a problem in the location. Our entire content hard drive.
. It's totally ruined, I'm like brother. What's going on?
What is happening? What happened so well in the first season This time it is not working, so friend I said no, we will start again, no problem. It's happened once, it's happened twice, it happens, we'll start again for the third time, it's okay.
You should never give up, right? So I came back for the third time. Now when I started again for the third time I did it but the same things were happening again.
Again, it's not fitting in Something is just not happening. The things that used to happen so easily are no longer happening. That means I have tried a lot, friend.
Then I think I lost for the third time. I accept that it's not happening friend. No matter how much I want, it's not happening anymore.
Then I finished it in February 2023. I finished the podcast because I had already shot further content, that entire hard drive got destroyed. And it was not getting recovered, on which I had invested a lot of money, but it did not happen again.
I thought man, it's a sign from God. Now no matter how much more money I invest, I will. A lot of money was invested in the podcast.
Then I thought, this is not happening here. Then in 2023 I tried a lot. My podcast stopped, I said okay I will take a break for a month and think about what I will do?
What to do? And then I will start in a month because I did not understand anything. Two months later, I did not understand anything After three months.
. . plus there was a pressure, that now it This girl has done a podcast so, what will she do next?
Plus there were a lot of people close people also, who said, "You've peaked. You were doing so well, you didn't have to stop the podcast but now its done Some people peak and you just have to accept that its a fleeting career, this career just come sand It goes away and that peak comes for a short time and goes away, then its decline phase and then someone else comes". I don't have a problem with that but the thing is That every person goes through relevance-irrelevance in every career, which means that at one age you are relevant and then you are not.
Its applicable to everybody on this planet but the thing is, I just don't feel like I've done anything I don't feel like I've even started my career yet. For me, I'll be very honest, I'm not trying to "Oh wow she's justifying". No.
I've tried so many things I have given 100% in everything, whatever decision I have made, I have done it with all my heart, but its yet to set. I ended my podcast on my own and not because I declined. because there were outside problems beyond my control.
It ended because I ended it. So, for me, I feel like my career has just not started yet and so you know whatever people tell me outside I listen and I'm like Yes, that's all right, but I haven't even started yet. I haven't done anything as if I am doing something since several years and its enjoyable.
I am having a lot of fun in this and then I've seen the heights of this job. or even if its about career, I haven't seen heights of my career or I can't say I have seen it and it's fine. Now I can quit at the top or you know.
. disappear in the background, but nothing like that happened, every time I start something it happens for an year and a half or for two and then, I'm starting to feel like I'm not having any fun and I'm jealous of people who know they're not having fun but they know what will bring them fun. Like, you know either you're a painter or a singer or a dancer or a writer, and you know this is it.
I can do this for the rest of my life. I enjoy this thing so much that I don't care about eating, drinking, sleeping or waking up. I want to do this thing.
It's so much fun, I can do it every morning. Man, I haven't got that thing. That's all I know, and I also know this that there are many people like me, who have understood what's fun but they don't know what'll be fun.
Meaning, God has given everything little by little in quantities and not actually understanding what to do. And I also know that there will be many people who are saying that this is not fun. I know this sounds very privileged.
As if I'm unaware of, how many responsibilities do people have? We cannot leave our work if its not fun, we still have to work. We have to suck it up and continue working.
I would just like to say, I acknowledge my privileges. I come from an upper middle class familyAnd to reach here my parents worked hard. because of their sacrifices I can say today, yes man, I am I am not enjoying because they have sacrificed their life to work, staying away from their family.
life to work, staying away from their family and here I'm saying, its not fun. rahi hu I'm not having fun because I have no responsibilities. Only my responsibility is on me.
So if I have only my own responsibility, My parents have given me the responsibility to take care of myself, that's enough. So my responsibility is to keep myself happy. Whatever I am doing, I do it with my happiness.
That's it. That's what I'm trying. So, when such a time comes, in the end of 2023, I felt like a complete failure because I was like I have tried a lot.
I decided to start YouTube again. I thought it would be okay because I'm into haircare and everything let's do all this because what I am currently doing now That's what I share with my audience But in this also, it's not fun, it's not fun, let's keep going so that didn't happen either End of 2023 I thought this just feels like a very random failure in which I feel like I've been through so much that I just feel like I've failed, and then when it happens Well, you feel like you are at a very low point or whatever. You search outside, there must be four more people like me, at least After listening to such stories it seems that yes, it is okay, they're like me too.
I'm not the only one stuck here. Whoever is not visible to God. There are other people standing in line with me who are waving to God.
Please look here too. Then I read such books or watch some movies or maybe listen to something, Or may I read a quote and realize, there were many such people Who saw failure for many years and a string of bad luck for several years maybe, or things didn't work out They have worked very hard but somewhere in the end, God notices them. Okay, there's this one guy, let's put his number, brother, put him next, so you just have to wait for your time.
All you have to do is just keep trying. So, this video today, was actually for people like me who are feeling stuck Those who feel that the train of life is not moving forward. .
the world is moving forward and we are stuck here. And they don't even understand what to do and What fuel should I put in the car to move ahead? Can't understand anything and we're just here, we're just existing.
We're just hoping and praying. So, this video is just for you guys because during my time I also look for stories of four more such people. So that it can be known that yes, we are also at the same place.
So I thought, if you also feel like this? I don't have a lot of accomplishments and I don't have a lot of big things to share. This is just to tell you that this is how I feel.
I feel like I'm stuck and I just don't want to stop trying. I don't know whatever happens next. Maybe I'll fail or maybe I'll fall flat on my face and maybe it'll be just another learning or another its not fun, whatever it is.
. but all I can do is, just try. It could be seen as a failure or it could be you and I?
We just never give up. So, I don't know, you tell me?
