The Ones with the Whole Gang from Season 3 | Friends

I'm telling you, that girl totally winked at me. Did not wink at you. Somebody was winking at you.

Huh? Um, Chandler Ross, this is Robert. Oh, hey.

Hey. Hi. You have lipstick right here.

Oh, that's okay. It's mine. We just kissed.

So, isn't it a bit cold out for shorts? Well, I'm from California. Right.

Right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flame. I'm up.

I'm up. I ain't gotten up now. Anybody uh want anything?

I'll have coffee. Yeah, me too. Yeah.

Make that three. Okay. Hey, Ross, why don't you come with me?

Okay. What What is the matter with you? What's going on?

Robert's coming out. What? What do you mean?

What? Is he gay? He He's coming out of his shorts.

What? The man is showing brain. Are you sure?

Hold on. I'm sorry, you guys. That was a coffee and a coffee.

Okay, we could write it down for you. No, no, that won't be uh won't be necessary. [Applause] Well, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What do we do?

What do we do? I suppose we just try to not look directly at it. Like an eclipse.

Hey, look at me. I'm making jam. Been at it since 4:00 this morning.

Where'd you get fruit at 4 in the morning? Went down to the docks. Hey, bet you didn't know you can get it wholesale.

I didn't know there were docks. Hey. Hey.

Oh, is it broken? No. I'm going to wear this thing for a couple of weeks.

Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed? No. Had a whole story worked up, but then uh Chandler sold me out.

Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think the doctor was going to buy that. It just fell out of the socket.

What is this? Fruit. Monica's making jam.

Whoa. Jam. I love jam.

Hey, how come we never have jam at our place? Because the kids need new shoes. One end of business, people.

I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan. Plan to get over my man.

What's the opposite of man? Jam. Oh, Joey, don't.

It's way too hot. This will just be my batch. Remember when you were a kid and your mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?

You're so pretty. [Music] [Applause] M gone for more jars. Back later, Monica Geller.

[Applause] I called the sperm bank today. They haven't sold a single unit of Tribani. Nobody wants my product.

I mean, I I I don't get it, you know? I mean, maybe if they met me in person. Honey, you got a little thing in your Oh, get it.

Yeah. I've got three of my five. Three of your five what?

Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with. Oh my god, you are giving us a lot of thought. Hey, it's hard.

Okay, I only have two spots left. All right, who you got it narrowed down to? Okay, Elizabeth Hurley.

Very attractive. uh forgiving Susan Sandon. You know what?

She's too political. She probably wouldn't let you do it unless you donated four cans of food first. And Isabella Roselini, very hot, very sexy, but uh you know what?

She's too international. You know, she's never going to be around. So So you got to play the odds.

Pick somebody who's going to be in the country like all the time. Yeah. Yeah.

Cuz that's why you won't get Isabella Russellini. Geography. Thieves.

Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies? I will have one. Yeah, I'm not going to have one of those.

No, no, it's just my tooth. Oh, I'll have one of those. So, what's the matter?

You need a dentist? I've got a good one. Thanks.

I have a good one, too. I just I I I can't see him. See, that is the problem with invisible dentists.

Why? Why can't you go to him? Because every time I go to the dentist, somebody dies.

That is so weird. Because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienist blouse. Phoebe, what?

Um what? Yeah. Yeah.

First, it was my aunt Mary. And then there was um John, my mailman, and then my my cowboy friend, Albino Bob. And all of these people actually died.

Yes. While I was in the chair. That's why I take such good care of my teeth now.

You know, it's not about oral hygiene. I floss to save lives. Feebs, come on.

You didn't kill anybody. These people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. It's It's just a coincidence.

Well, tell that to them. Oh, you can't. They're dead.

That's Chandler. Uh, he can't make it. He said he had to go back to his uh job and do uh Whoa.

Joey. Joey Tribani. Joey, I can see you.

Okay. You're hiding behind the coats. Close one.

Is uh is Chandler around? No. Um he met some girl at the coffee house.

Yeah. Ginger or something? No.

No. No. Uh are you sure it wasn't something that sounded like ginger?

Like uh ginger? No, it was Ginger. I remember because when he told me, I said, "The movie star.

" Oh, man. That's the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out he's my roommate, she's going to tell him what I did.

Why? What did you do? Oh.

Oh. Oh, no. No.

I can't. Hey, come on. Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the prehistoric forensics department.

Okay, take Pinky Tuscadero up to inspiration point. Collect three cool points. Yeah, which gives me five.

And let's see who is going to lose their clothes. Um, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor, Mr Joey Tribani. All right, relax.

It's just a shoe. [Applause] Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's. Collect three cool points, which means I have five.

And that means I get Joey's boxers. Fine, gang up on me. I got you all right where I want you.

Come on, take them off. Actually, you know, it's kind of cold. So, how about I keep my boxers on and give you all a peek at the good stuff.

Uh, somebody's at the door on the ceiling. Uh, that's our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor. Yeah, he took up the carpets and now you can hear everything.

Well, why don't you go up there and ask him to just like step lightly, please? I have like five times, but the guy is so charming that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him. Oh, that is silly.

I'll go up there. I'll tell him to keep it down. All right.

Be my guest. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right.

If you really want to know how I did it, I'll show you. When you handed me back the card, what you didn't see was I looked at it so fast it was invisible to the naked eye. I just did it.

Just did it again. Here, I'll slow it down so you guys can see it. Ready?

Yeah. And we everything. [Music] Thank you.

Hey, Ra. How you doing with the shiny? Oh, Danny just went into room 217.

Oo, the next part's the best. When that dead lady in the bathtub Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on.

You're going to ruin it. All right, I'll talk in code. Remember when the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?

That's very cool. All blank and no blank makes blank a blank blank. Well, no, no, no.

the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then in the last second they get away. Oh, Joey. I can't believe he just did that.

I can't believe she cracked your code. [Applause] All right. Okay.

Lorie proposes to Joe and she says no, even though she's still in love with him. And then he ends up marrying Amy. Hey, mine was by accident.

All right. The boiler explodes and destroys the hotel and kills the dad. Beth dies.

Beth Beth dies. Is that true? If I keep reading, is Beth going to die?

No. Beth doesn't die. She doesn't die.

Does she, Rachel? What? Joey's asking if you've just ruined the first book he's ever loved that didn't star Jack Nicholson.

Well, I'm here ready to play. Okay. I brought a bunch of stuff for the house.

So, check it out. What's this? That's a dog.

Every house should have a dog. Not one that can pee on the roof. Maybe it's so big because the house was built on radioactive waste.

And is this in case the house sneezes? No. No.

That's the ghost for the attic. I don't want a ghost. Well, nobody wants a ghost.

But you've got one because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground. Wait a minute. The house was built on radioactive waste and an ancient Indian burial ground.

That would never happen. Why? What is it?

I don't know exactly. It's It's sort of like wrestling. Oh yeah, but without the costumes.

Oh, and it's not fake. It's totally brutal. Yeah.

catch two guys in the ring and the rules are there are no rules. You can like bite and pull people's hair and stuff. Anything goes except uh eye gouging and fish hooking.

What's fish hooking? What's fish hook? Thanks, man.

That would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste? What?

My hands are totally clean. I just gave the duck a bath. For once, I'm going to sit down and try to watch one of these things.

Halftime. Hey, who wants to uh throw the ball around a little? Maybe get a little threeon three going.

Oh, that would be so much fun. Oh, can I play, too? I've never played football like ever.

Great. You can cover Chandler. No, no, I don't I don't really want to play.

Come on, man. You ever want to do anything since you and Janice broke up? That's not true.

I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say that.

I don't have ghouls. Janet, you have to start getting over her. All right?

If you play, you get some fresh air. Maybe you'll take your mind off Janice. And if you don't play, everyone will be mad at you cuz the teams won't be even.

Come on. Now, I'll play. Yay.

Let's do it. Ross, what? Want to play football?

Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football. Says who? Your mom.

Yes. Well, every Thanksgiving, um, we used to have a Dutch football game called the the Geller Bowl. No, no, no.

You say that proudly. Anyway, Ross and I were always captains and um, it got kind of competitive and one year, Killer Bowl six, I accidentally broke Ross's nose. It was so not an accident.

She saw I was about to tag her. So she threw her big fat grandma arm elbow in my face. Just kept running.

Just score the winning touchdown. By the way, ho ho ho. Uh, you did not win the game.

The touchdown didn't count because of the spectacularly illegal Oh, and by the way, Savage nose breaking. I won the game. Oh, yeah.

Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup? There was a Geller Cup. Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game.

But our dad said nobody won that game. And he was sick of our fighting. So he took the trophy, threw it in the lake, and was the curse lifted.

Anyway, that's when mom said we were not allowed to play football again. You know what? I think we should play a game.

I mean, come on. It's been 12 years. Can I see you for a second?

What? All right, we're going to play. Well, wait a minute, though.

How are we going to get there? Because my mom won't let me cross the street. Okay, you want to play rough?

We can play rough. Let's get ready to rock. [Applause] [Music] Y'all ready for this?

[Music] Go go go go go. [Music] I love this game. [Music] You know, Rachel, funny thing actually, uh, the end zone starts at that pole, so you're five feet short.

So, we win. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, explain something to me, though.

If if nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the place still going? Well, have to make it a theme wedding. And the theme could be, look how much money we've got.

You know, I mean, you could put you could put money in in the invitations. You you could have like little money play settings and uh you could start with a money salad. I mean it'll be dry, but people will like it.

Would you stop? We've only been going out a couple of weeks. I mean, we don't even know if he's going to propose.

Yes, but this is Pete. Okay. He's not like other people.

On your first date, he took you to Rome. For most guys, that's like a third or fourth date kind of thing. Well, if if that's what it is, then it's it's crazy.

Monica's right. We're talking about getting married here, okay? She she can't just rush into this.

Oh, what do you know? You married a lesbian. Ross did ask us first, and we set that night aside.

No. Hey, come on. You know, if he asked you first, that's only fair.

Boy, do I feel bad. Oh, yeah. Very bad.

Chandler, what are you doing? Chandler. Oh my god, you're smoking again.

Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today I'm I'm smoking still. Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?

I'm telling you, this is just like my parents' divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place. Weren't you nine? Yeah.

I'm telling you something. at uh first smoke after nap time. Oh, that's great.

With my luck, that's going to be him. Him? Him?

Ross? No, him. 253.

His eyes are on the sparrow. My parents got divorced. It's when I started using humor as a defense mechanism.

Hi. Uh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold and she said that we could have her cabin for the weekend and go skiing.

Huh? I'm asking you first, right? I mean, I'm playing by the rules.

Absolutely. Chandler, you're smoking. What are you doing?

Hey, shut up. You're not my real mom. Everybody, stop what you're doing.

I need envelope stuffers. I need stamp lickers. Well, hey, who did these resumes for you?

Me on my computer. Well, you sure used a large font. Uh, yeah.

Well, uh, waitress at a coffee house and, uh, cheer squad co- captain only took up so much room. Hey, that's funny. You're funny, Chandler.

You're a funny guy. You know what else is really funny? Something else I might have said.

I don't know. I don't know. Weren't you the guy that told me to quit my job when I had absolutely nothing else to do?

Sweetie, calm down. It's going to be okay. No, it's not going to be okay, Ross.

Tomorrow is my last day and I don't have a lead. Okay, you know what? I'm just going to I'm just going to call Gunther and I'm going to tell him I'm not quitting.

Well, you you you don't want to give into the fear. You and your stupid fear. I hate your fear.

I would like to take you and your fear. Hey, I got great news. Run, Joey.

Run for your life. The woman at the bar. Sorry, she thought you were somebody else.

What time is it? 1 7:15. Watch doesn't work.

Tommy's supposed to be here soon. We're going to lunch. Look.

Look. I wasn't going to say anything to you, but All right. I don't think you should be seeing Tommy anymore.

You don't. No. The guy is mean.

I mean, really mean. I think you should stay away from him. H.

Or maybe I should stay away from all men. No, it's not just because I'm jealous. I mean, I'm not I'm not I'm not jealous.

Okay. It's Look, the guy, he screamed. He actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.

Yeah. And at the end of the play, he he got up, you know, and he just started like banging his hands together. See, Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.

Hey. Hey. Oh, is it broken?

No. I'm going to wear this thing for a couple of weeks. Did you tell the doctor you did it?

Jumping up and down on your bed. No. Had a whole story worked up, but then uh Chandler sold me out.

Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think the doctor was going to buy that. It just fell out of the socket.

It was a mistake. I made a mistake. Okay.

A mistake? What were you trying to put it in? Her purse.

Where Where did he put it? [Applause] Ross, you had sex with another woman. Oh my god.

Oh god, I knew something had to be wrong because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday. Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight and he got drunk. You guys knew about this and you didn't tell us.

He had sex and we get hit in our heads. You know what? I want you to leave.

Get out of here. Just get out. No, I know.

I want to stay. I want to talk about this. Okay.

All right. How was she? Uh oh.

What was she good? Don't answer that. I know.

She said you wanted to talk about it. Let's talk about it. How was she?

She was awful. She was not good. Not good.

Nothing compared to you. She She was different. Oh.

Uhoh. Good. different.

Nobody likes change. Should we do something? Yeah.

Never cheat on Rachel. I'm sorry. Okay.

I'm sorry. I I was disgusted with myself and this morning I was so I was I was so upset and then I got your message and I was so happy and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment as fast as possible. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait a minute. What time did your little friend leave? Oh my god.

She was there. She was still there. She was in there when I was in there.

Oh Jess. Listen. Oh.

Hey. Hey. The important thing is she meant she meant nothing to me.

And yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship. Look, I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardize. I thought we were broken up.

We were on a break. That for all I knew could last forever. That to me is a break up.

You think you're going to get out of this on a technicality? I'm not trying to get out of anything. Okay.

I thought our relationship was dead. Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake. You know what?

I don't think we should listen to this anymore. What? What are you doing?

We can't go out there. Why not? I'm hungry.

Because they'll know we've been listening. God. And to have to hear about it from Gunther.

Come on. Like I wanted him to tell you, I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen. Oh, that is so sweet.

I think I'm falling in love with you all over again. You know what? I think we can go out there.

I mean, they have more important things to worry about. Yeah, we'll be fine. Look, Rachel, I wanted to tell you.

I thought I should. I I did. And then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to wax the door shut.

We're never leaving out a tournament on my new dart board. Huh? Huh?

What do you think? Huh? Two days of darts.

It'll be great. It'll be great for next weekend. No, no, no.

This weekend, guys. It'll be great for next weekend. I mean, it'll be great.

What's going on? We were um sort of invited to go skiing. You know, Rachel's sister's cabin.

Yeah, that's okay. I mean, if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend I'm alone by myself, you know, then totally totally understand. You know what?

I can stay. I'm going to stay cuz the last time I went skiing, I was too afraid to jump off the chairlift. I just went round and round.

Thieves, we kind of need you to drive everybody up there in your grandmother's calf. But you know what? I'll stay.

No, I'll stay. He's my brother. What a pity stay.

No, we're going to have fun. We can make fudge. Pity food.

You know what? That's okay. Okay.

All right. I don't need any of you to stay. Okay.

Nobody stays. Well, then I might as well offer to stay. Let's give Pete a chance.

Come on. He was funny. He seems really nice.

And that check thing was adorable. What check thing? As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip.

His number's on the check. He just did it so I'd call. Pete Becker.

Pete. Is this him? That's Bill Clinton.

Who's he hugging? Oh my god, that's Pete. Why is Bill hugging Pete?

This guy embedded Moss 865. Every office in the world uses that program. We use it.

There you go. Oh my god. Monica's going to go out with a millionaire.

I'm not going to go out with him. Oh my god. I can't believe this is a real $20,000 charcoal.

This is just so exciting. Or incredibly offensive. Well, yeah, sure.

That, too. Joey, where are the jello shots? I don't know.

Chandler was supposed to be passing them. Chandler. Hello, little feeling better.

Stick out your tongue. Take off your shirt. Oh my.

Oh my god. How many of these did you have? These are pure vodka.

Yeah. Jello. Just like mom used to make.

[Applause] Okay. How many of that girl are you seeing? How hammered are you?

Huh? The These are Joey's sisters. Hi, Joey.

Sisters. What you doing? I'm taking my ex-girlfriend off my speed dialer.

A no, no, no, no, no. It's a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway?

Why must we rush through life? Why can't we savor the precious moments? Those are some huge breasts you have.

Cad's ready. All right, let's go. You're welcome.

Oh, I'm sorry. Were you speaking to me or sleeping with someone else? We were on a break.

You know, Ross, why don't you just put that on your answering machine? Hey. Hey.

It's valid. Okay. And I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Monica agrees with me. What? I don't know.

That's what you said last night. What I said was was that I understood Joey is the one who agreed with you. Okay.

Really, Joey? What? You know what?

But there there is no right or wrong here. No, I think it's very obvious who's wrong here. Obviously, not to Joey.

What? Joey about the same way that I do. Guess what?

I am. Look what you're doing to Chandler. Okay, that's like the least fun game ever.

Well, I'm really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. Oh, nope. That patch is no good.

Mom, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since. What's your problem?

Nothing. It's just that hypnosis is beyond crap. Ross, I watched you get hypnotized in Atlantic City.

Hey, that guy did not hypnotize me. Okay. Oh, right.

Cuz you always pull your pants down on the count of three and play Wipe Out on your butt cheeks. All right. Forget hypnosis.

The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather and then bathe in the sweat of six healthy young men or what my father calls Thursday night. Shley, you have no backhand. Excuse me, little one.

I have a very solid backhand. Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl's not a backhand. I was shrieking like a marine.

All right, here. Watch me execute the three Ps of championship play. Power, precision, and panache.

You broke a little girl's leg. I know. I feel horrible.

Okay. Says here that a muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night. Where exactly were you around Kenish?

All right, I took the quiz and it turns out I do put career before men. Get up. What?

Near my seat. How is this your seat? Cuz I was sitting there.

But then you left. Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom.

You knew I was coming back. What's the big deal? Sit somewhere else.

The big deal is I was sitting there last. So it's my seat. Well, actually, the last place you were sitting was in there.

So, you guys, you know what? You know what? It doesn't matter because you both have to go get dressed before the big vein in my head pops.

So, all right, Ross. I just have to do one thing really quickly. It's not a big deal.

Get up. All right, fine. You know what?

We'll both sit in the chair. Fine with me. I'm so comfortable.

Me, too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable. All right.

Okay. Look, we have 19 minutes. Okay.

Chandler, I want you to go and change. Okay? And then when you come back, Joey will go change and he'll have vacated the chair.

Okay? Okay. All right.

Fine. I'm going. When I get back, it's chair city and I'm the guy who's sitting in a chair.

All right. You will notice that I am fully dressed. I in turn have noticed that you are not.

So, in the words of a mil, get out of my chair, dealhole. Okay. [Applause] What are you doing?

Well, you said I had to give you the chair. You didn't see anything about the cushions. The cushions are the essence of the chair.

That's right. I'm taking the essence. He'll be back.

There's nobody in the room. Where's my underwear? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come on. Come on. What?

You took his underwear? He took my essence. Okay.

Yeah, hold on, Joey. Why Why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now? Cuz I'm not wearing any underwear now.

Okay. Um, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight? It's a rented tux.

Okay. Not going to go commando in another man's fatigue. Well, then it looks like somebody's going to have to give somebody back his cushions.

Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm going to do the exact opposite to you. What are you?

What are you going to show me? My clothes. Hey, opposite is opposite.

He's got nothing. Okay, buddy boy. Here it is.

You hide my clothes. I'm wearing everything you own. Oh my god.

That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear. Look at me. I'm Chandler.

Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando. Yeah, I'll tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on.

I uh I better not do any I don't know, lunges. Okay. Okay.

Enough. But not for the lunch thing. No, I'm sick of this.

Okay, I've had it up to here with you two. Neither of you can come to the party. Jeez, what a baby.