how long have you been with him I asked my voice steady despite the chaos churning around us Emma locked eyes with me her whole body rigid wound tight like a cat bracing for a fight in a dark alley her gaze flickered in every direction desperate for an escape why did you hit that man she shouted her voice Rising above the noise of the crowd the people around us thrilled by the commotion jostled for a better View half their attention on the man sprawled on the floor the other half on me the one who put him
there because he told me he was sleeping with you I said my voice low but firm and I didn't think he deserved to walk away after that Emma's eyes widened but he never said a word to you I let out a sigh this was going to be one of those conversations where we danced in circles before finally landing on the truth grabbing her arm I pulled her through the crowd and out onto the balcony the city lights stretched before us shimmering and endless but my focus wasn't on The View she spun to face me arms
crossed Larry what the hell is going on you just got up and decked Justin for no reason damn it why couldn't she ever give me credit for having a brain why did she always assume I was just acting on impulse without any thought it wasn't for no reason Emma I'm not some lunatic throwing punches just for the fun of it I told you I hit him because he's been sleeping with you my not so faithful wife her breath hitched and she turned away fumbling for something anything to steady herself tears spilled onto her cheeks as
she gasped how can you say that how dare you I have never I cut her off my voice sharp yes you have and lying to me now isn't going to make this any easier so why don't we just put it all out in the open and deal with the mess you dragged me into her lip trembled why would you even think that I've always been honest with you stop it I snapped the frustration boiling over I've known for weeks Emma I just didn't know who it was until tonight until that man told me her brows
knitted together in confusion but he never said a word he didn't have to I interrupted he made it clear as day without saying a damn thing she shook her head completely lost I glanced over my shoulder there was no escaping the situation we had to wait for emergency services to arrive police ambulance maybe even the fire department depending on how over the toop someone's nine one one call had been hell for all I knew the damn Army could show up might as well get through this while we waited I told her to stay put my
tone firm enough that I knew she wouldn't argue and walked back inside at our table I grabbed two drinks and reached for my favorite Cigar Case the one with the built-in cutter and lighter I'd had it ever since Emma gifted it to me last year for my birthday right after she'd been promoted I had love loved that case almost as much as what it held inside back when things were different back when I still loved her the same way I used to not long after her promotion I bought her a sapphire and emerald pendant we
had always been like that carefully choosing gifts for each other taking our time to pick out something special something that felt just right by the time I returned she had sunk into one of the cold metal chairs that lined the hotel's balcony the event was still in full swing inside the company had booked out the conference hall for their award ceremony but out here it was just the two of us I pulled over another one of those god- awul chairs and sat beside her she opened her mouth to speak Larry I I held up a
finger wait pulling out my cigar I clipped the end lit it and took a slow measured drag once the tip burned evenly I finally turned to her you've been cheating on me I said simply 4 weeks probably longer Emma flinched like I'd struck her that's not true you thought you were covering your tracks but you weren't I exhaled watching the smoke drift up into the night it was your stories that gave you away her head jerked up what do you mean what stories I let out a bitter laugh the ones you and your friends tell
when we all get together we had always been a social couple married for 6 years with our daughter Brenda and a circle of friends who were just like us yuppies I suppose though I hated the word every weekend we'd either host or be at someone else's place backyard barbecues Lake trips Park Gatherings it was routine and at every Gathering like clockwork the men would naturally gravitate toward one another forming one group while the women clustered in another in the men's group we'd catch each other up on work on things our wives had said on vacations
we were planning we trade advice laugh about our kids throw in a little business talk a little politics a whole lot of sports and always we try to one up each other making each story funnier than the last and the women they did the same thing except except their conversations ran on a different frequency I had spent enough time within earshot of The Women's Circle to know how those talks usually went husbands kids homes shopping hell the guys covered most of the same topics just from another angle but the way the women talked the tone
the subtext that was different it had been subtle at first but after a while I started noticing things and once I started noticing in I couldn't stop over time their conversations would always morph into dissecting their husband's actions and soon enough they'd shift further into everything their husbands were doing wrong if there was one thing they loved discussing more than their kids bad moods messy rooms and picky eating habits it was their men and just how utterly incompetent they were it always started small with a bit of playful emphasis when recounting something their husbands had
done drawing laughs from the group group but before long it turned into a full-blown competition each woman trying to one up the others with stories of how awful their husbands were how spectacularly they failed at even the simplest tasks the laughter would get louder sharper meaner a biting comment here a sarcastic jab there until every new Storyteller felt the need to top the last with an even more humiliating tale thank God for kids more often than not they be the ones to to interrupt the toxic spiral crying over a scraped knee whining about a sibling
or just looking for something to shove into their mouths not that I had any complaints about the kids they were just being kids I get it now this kind of venting isn't unusual when women get together hell even I think some husbands are complete jerks who don't deserve their wives so I suppose these conversations helped them blow off steam an outlet for ations wrapped in the safety of humor but the first time I really heard it escalate the way it always seemed to it caught me completely offu I had been in the kitchen checking on
the marinade for the Steaks and Chops when a burst of laughter from the living room made me smile without thinking I tuned in May was midstory going off about Dom every night he tries to land his socks in the laundry basket from his side of the bed like he's shooting three pointers or or something trick shots even spins them in the air like there's a damn audience cheering him on at least he aims for the basket Nicole groaned Logan just drops his on the floor like the second they leave his feet they cease to exist
oh but they're real enough when I have to pick them up that's not even the worst Gabriel cut in I swear to God burn always manages to turn his boxers inside out when he takes them off every single time and guess who has to flip them back the right way to wash them I don't even want to look at them let alone touch them I bit my lip to stifle a laugh Vern always trying to play the tough guy was getting torn apart over his underwear habits and then Janice joined in Pete balls him up
if there are skid marks then tucks them into his socks so guess what I have to do unrolled at mess just to wash them the ones with the minions on them Reggie teased no no Janice corrected barely containing her laughter he's upgraded now he's got ones with the Avengers Iron Man Gabriel snickered more like a male version of elasa girl Janice deadpan the group roared with laughter the kind of gut busting Breathless laugh that could shatter glass Pete had just been fed to the wolves and it only got worse from there from Pizza hem lacking
bedroom performance to Stan's pathetic attempts at flirting to Dom's so-called beer belly which apparently needed a corset or better yet a whole damn tier no man with a wife in that Circle was spared and the thing was I didn't even think Dom was overweight it actually shocked me these were women who seemed happy in their marriages and yet here they were in some kind of unspoken competition to see whose husband was the absolute worst sure they were all laughing but it didn't sit right at best it was disloyal at worst it was straight up mean-spirited
how did they go home to their husbands after saying this kind of stuff even if they didn't really mean it damn at the very least it was cruel for the longest time I felt lucky Emma never got too involved in these conversations she'd pass by maybe toss out a quick comment but she never fully joined in until 3 weeks ago we were at Harold and Ingrid's house and as I walked past the living room window I caught a glimpse of Emma wine glass in hand laughing hard I stopped confused curious I stepped inside the house
but stayed just out of sight listening the usual complaints were flying around the husband's weird habits their embarrassing quirks their downright disgusting behaviors each woman took turns trying to outdo the last and then I heard her oh God I know all about that Emma groaned the noises Larry makes when he flosses his teeth the room erupted in laughter before she even finished but she pushed on on it's like some awful combination of gagging sneezing humming the Frozen theme song and Garling all at the same time I felt my face heat up before I could even
process the embarrassment Gabriel chimed in giggling I think that's the noise Vern made when we had sex last night the last true romantic someone quipped not a chance Emma laughed my husband's way more romantic than that for a second I thought maybe just maybe she defend me and then she added when Larry finishes it sounds like a vet just shoved his whole arm up a cow without any warning no smooth talk no dinner just wom Nicole tled not even a flower in sight Emma added finishing off the joke the whole group hled with laughter delighted
at my expense I had heard enough if there's one person who knows how I sound when I finish it's me and there wasn't a damn bit of Truth in what she just said I don't yell Bray or make some ridiculous animalistic noise like they were making it out to be when I come I let out a series of long low size more like an expected pain than anything else like when a doctor presses on a sprained knee and you know it's going to hurt but you brace for it anyway I didn't want to start a
fight in front of our friends so I kept my cool stayed composed played along but inside it sat wrong the rest of the day passed as it always did wine Sun conversation when we got home that night after putting our three-year-old daughter Brenda to bed I just hit the sack and went straight to sleep but that damn sound the one Emma had imitated kept echoing in my head and I knew it wouldn't go away until I fig figured out why Monday morning I called up Henning meritz from HR and invited him to lunch on my
expense account Henning was German by birth and unfortunately a walking stereotype of the old joke about Germans lacking a sense of humor but what he did have was Intelligence sharp as a knife and a background in Psychology before he moved into personnel management that made him exactly the kind of person I needed to talk to when I told him what had happened he nodded taking a sip of his water before speaking ah I see you seek advice from a German about an emotional wound because as you know we are such deeply emotional people I just
stared at him after a pause he sighed that was a joke oh sorry I'm just not in the mood understandable he Shrugged so what do you need from me I want to understand why why would my wife do that why would she make something up just to humiliate me Henning chewed his lip scanning the lunch menu as he considered his answer you know I subscribe to the theory of sexual economics I did he had rambled on about it once during a particularly dull work conference then you'll understand that in my view she's doing this for
one of three reasons which one I can't say for sure without interviewing her something I assume you don't want me to do I shook my head the last thing I needed was for Emma to turn this into some kind of Witch Hunt against me if she ever found out I was questioning this I'd be facing weeks months maybe of cold silence and quiet resentment Henning held up a finger first possibility she feels disconnected from the women in your group maybe she thinks she needs to bond with them more and throwing you under the bus is
her way of doing it I nodded I had considered that but we'd been getting together with this same group for years why would she suddenly feel the need to do that now Henning raised a second finger second possibility you have wounded her in some way intentionally or not and this is her passive aggressive way of getting back at you I sighed that was a tough one because let's be honest what man ever really knows what he's done to piss off his wife until she finally reveals it sometimes years later I made a mental note to
go through my memory had I missed an anniversary said something thoughtless or God help me forgot some vitally important event she had vaguely hinted at something like oh maybe we should go to lunch sometime which I had then failed to take ser iously Henning raised a third finger third possibility she's lowering your social standing in the group to elevate her own if she can paint you as an idiot she can gain sympathy and support from the others I frowned you mean she's trying to turn them against me he Shrugged it wouldn't be the first time
would it this kind of thing happens all the time within families between siblings between colleagues it's part of the sexual economic theory advancing oneself at the expense of another to gain resources status or even genetic material then of course he went on and on about that theory as we ate proving exactly why I didn't have lunch with him often but despite the lecture he had given me a lot to think about later that week I made sure to ask casually who was hosting the next get together Nicole and Logan Emma said I nodded that'll be
nice you seem to really enjoy hanging out with the girls these days she smiled I do they're a great bunch I studied her face you seem closer to them than you have been before she Shrugged yeah I don't know why it's taking me so long to relax into their company I thought about that could it be because they were awful human beings could it be because they had no loyalty no respect no genuine regard for anyone not even their own husbands after that wakeup call I had made it a point to listen in on their
conversations more and the truth became clear fast if one of them wasn't there the rest would tear her to shreds like a bleeding fish in the middle of a swarmm of sharks in a Feeding Frenzy Henning had explained that too women gossip more than men he had said because they rarely use violence instead their main weapon is social maneuvering men are natural Hunters women gatherers and while nuts seeds and berries are fine they aren't as rich in nutrition as meat so women are instinctively programmed to seek resources resources that traditionally men are better at providing
in return they offer intimacy and exclusivity some something that usually holds no real value when men offer it a woman has to advertise herself to men hence the makeup the clothes the constant competition for attention but when that's not enough the other way to compete is Gossip it's a strategy subtly attacking another woman's desirability her faithfulness or her Worth to a man all while raising her own status he had droned on and on but the message stuck gossip was a weapon a tactic and if I wasn't careful Emma might just be using it against me
why wouldn't they just called each other out I asked if they all know they're doing it why not just say it outright Henning took another sip of his wine his expression thoughtful because that would ruin the effect he set his glass down first it would devalue the insults denigration is a powerful weapon but only if used strategically and second firsthand knowledge would place a woman too close to the behavior she's condemning if she admits she's seen it directly it suggests she's been in the same situation herself which would lower the value of her own promise
of exclusivity and that he pointed at me is a big problem in the genetic Stakes I let that sink in for a moment so gossiping is the answer Henning nodded it's how our monkey brains are wired Jesus that's messed up he Shrugged it's just human nature I leaned forward but if they all know they talk behind each other's backs why don't they just admit it Henning smirked ah here's the interesting part studies show that most women believe their friends would defend them against such talk almost every woman interviewed swore she didn't spread gossip and insisted
she would never allow it about her friends I frowned that doesn't make sense exactly because if that were true there wouldn't be any gossip he chuckled so you see I wouldn't take their denials too seriously I sat back trying to digest all this Henning ever the theorist went on from an economic standpoint it's also about maintaining the price of exclusivity if a woman sleeps around it increases the supply of intimacy in the market just like any other commodity and when Supply goes up price goes down if every woman did it the cost for a man
to access intimacy would be almost nothing I rubbed my temples so basically if women allow each other to be perceived as Unfaithful it keeps the market value of intimacy high for those who still seem exclusive precisely he said raising his glass those seen as virtuous yet sexually valuable to their one man retain their status it's all about positioning I muttered something and took a long sip of my own drink already regretting bringing it up the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth because if Henning was right if women really saw men as nothing
more than resource providers in exchange for intimacy and exclusivity then what did that say about my marriage Emma had explicitly promised me faithfulness when we got married and implicitly she had promised to share intimacy with me too but was I getting either one thing was for damn sure I wasn't getting as much intimacy as i' been promised once a week maybe more like once a month if I was being honest with myself and if that nagging little voice in my head was right then I was wasn't getting exclusivity either someone else was so I watched
I didn't go off the rails didn't start accusing her outright I had no proof and if I was wrong bringing it up could create a problem where there wasn't one before Emma wasn't the type to back down from a fight if I came at her with nothing but suspicion she might just make it true out of pure spite so I waited for nearly 4 weeks I kept my eyes open nothing obvious the only change was that she seemed to be getting Cozier with her girls winning them over week after week with sharper and sharper remarks
at my expense then came the awards evening that's when everything fell into place I scanned the room taking in all of her colleagues wondering if anything was lurking beneath the surface logically work was the place to look she left the house at 8:00 in the morning got home around 600 no business trips no girls nights out except on her birthday when she and a few friends would hit a show in a nice restaurant before crashing in shared hotel rooms I had checked her Facebook scrolled through the timestamps on all the photos in her phone if
she was meeting someone they'd have to get in do the deed clean up and leave all within 10 minutes not impossible but not likely so where would she meet a man at work where else maybe it was because I had already convinced myself she was cheating maybe it was because of that ridiculous sapata mustache that looked 50 years out of date whatever it was I spotted him immediately he moved through the crowd like he owned the place slapping backs cracking jokes working the room and when he finally reach reached our table he greeted the others
first before turning to Emma their eyes met and they shared a small knowing smile then he looked at me and that smile shifted just slightly into a snear his right hand reached up to his left shoulder and with two fingers he flicked at something twice that was all but it told me everything I needed to know that tiny gesture said you you're nothing a bug something I can brush off whenever I want I stood up leaned over and punched the hell out of the left side of his face I'm not a fighter never have been
don't have the arms of a superhero but it was a good punch he went down hard and that's when the hysteria erupted people were scrambling gasping buzzing with excitement because something different had finally happened in their boring little lives and better yet it hadn't happened to them so they could soak it all in without a single ounce of guilt Emma thought she had gotten away with it thought she was in the clear and now in one instant the whole thing had blown up in her face in exactly the wrong place at exactly the wrong time
her company's upper management was mostly female following the trend but no matter how high their salaries climbed they still only had two things to offer the men in their lives intimacy and exclusivity and now one of their own had been exposed every woman in that room suddenly had a new fear gnawing at the back of her mind because if Emma could get caught if she could be exposed so publicly so spectacularly then what was stopping their men from taking a second closer look at them Emma wasn't just in trouble she had just become the least
popular woman in the room for a long time now you've been telling those stories to your little group of friends the ones where you get to lie about all my bad habits about what a miserable life you've had because of me I said my voice calm but firm and that's how I knew the sheer disrespect you managed to drum up is actually mindboggling honestly the sheer creativity of those lies makes me think you should have been a fantasy writer Emma's lips trembled she shook her head then hesitated and gave a small nod yes she whispered
so you were planning to leave me my life had already felt like a steaming pile of garbage and now I realized that was the only thing left in the kitchen to eat I wasn't sure she said Softly She was still crying but she wasn't a coward she met my gaze head on I was afraid I frowned afraid of me are you serious you actually thought I would hurt you she shook her head fast so hard it almost looked like it hurt a tear landed on the back of my hand it felt like frozen betrayal I
had to fight the urge to wipe it away no I never thought that she whispered you would never hurt me I was afraid of being alone I let out a bitter chuckle so you did the one thing that would guarantee it I shook my head that doesn't make any sense she clutched a tissue in her hands dabbing at her eyes and besides I added you weren't alone were you you had Mr 7's mustache to keep you company you were setting yourself up for an easy transition from me to him she winced no it wasn't like
that wasn't it I knew he wasn't a keeper after the first time she admitted her voice shaky it took me so long to even go through with that first time but afterward she sighed shoulders slumping well the deed was done I had already crossed that line I had become the thing I always despised a cheater her voice caught on that word and once I was one well what did it even matter anymore I kept doing it even with someone I didn't like all that much I stared at her feeling a hollow ache in my chest
I just wanted out she admitted I was tired of being married tired of always having to think about three people before I could do anything I could never be spontaneous anymore I let out a slow breath Well you certainly managed to be SP aneous when it came to ending our marriage she gave a short humorless laugh yay for me I shook my head you know what you could have done you could have come to me and said Larry you're a piss poor husband and I don't want to be married to you anymore I've already seen
a lawyer and in 6 months I'll be freed to be with mustache man whenever I damn well please you could have done that she squeezed her eyes shut I told you I was afraid afraid of being alone I repeated she nodded well done Emma I said flatly you didn't want me and you didn't want him so now you've signed yourself up for immersion therapy congratulations now you get to live with the thing you feared most she said nothing it'll be expensive but hey worth it right I continued you do earn more than me and you
know I'll take better care of Brenda than you ever could so spousal support and child payments not going to be cheap but at least you got what you wanted she pressed her lips together and nodded and just like that our marriage was over the voices in my head wanted more more details more answers who why when how many times and for the love of God was his Johnson that much bigger than mine but in the end all that really mattered was this she cheated and there should be some punishment for that I had one demand
you're going to go to our friends and tell them that everything you said about me the stories the insults the lies it was all that you made it up to make yourself look like some kind of martyr before leaving me she exhaled Shak okay I can do that you lied about me I said the words burning my throat the level of disrespect it's unreal her face crumpled I know she swallowed hard I'm so sorry I felt trapped in a situation I created and I didn't know how to get out I nodded grimly yeah I heard
it all she reached reached across the table and put her hand on mine for a second I am sorry Larry you didn't deserve that I didn't pull away but I didn't hold on either you were a good husband she said softly just not for me I sighed it was happening too fast I had no control I was in a speeding car hurling toward a crash and the steering wheel had just come off in my hands I had no experience with this how many people go to a party married and leave single with a three-year-old to
raise on their own not exactly something they write how to books about you do realize they're going to trash you behind your back for years I said she nodded I know she hesitated I guess I deserve it you were right I should have divorced you first have you thought of about where you're going to go I asked she Shrugged gesturing vaguely toward the still buzzing party inside I was going to find a place soon but I followed her gaze she was about to face some very tough questions from Senior Management would she still have a
job after this I wasn't sure I guess it depended on what rank Mr mustache held in the company I let out a slow breath geus Jesus Emma how did it get to this she didn't answer right away when she finally did her voice was quiet I guess I became a manager and I took that to heart I shook my head you replaced everything you were throwing away didn't you she blinked at me Emma I love you I said then stopped loved you I EX hailed but I don't want to be in your company anymore I
pushed my chair back I'm going to wait outside see if the police show up if they do and they take me in I met her eyes bail me out in the morning you owe me that much she nodded okay Larry and she did that was the last time I saw her by the time we met again the divorce was finalized she was no longer my wife she was someone else's problem I had once loved that woman I had promised myself to her I had looked forward to growing old with her and she she had stopped
loving me so she cheated she didn't even have the guts to face me until the very end that's how I saw it she did the crime and I paid for it heartbreak loneliness the long slow process of recovery the mistrust that would follow me into every future relationship it wasn't going to be easy not with a golden-haired demanding three-year-old enchantress to raise Emma had broken me but I wasn't out for the count and as for her reputation I'd make sure that followed her too quietly but thoroughly subscribe and stay one step ahead of cheaters and
trust me the next story makes this one look like a fairy tale
