Ex-Denmark Military Speaks on USA Purchasing Greenland, PTSD and Plant Medicine Healing

Today is 1,509 days sober from alcohol welcome to episode number two of building Legacy and in today's episode I am honored to have my my good friend Yun who is the co-founder with his wife anakah of a company called Nomad Greenland and I actually was fortunate enough to go up there and spend 10 days almost a little over a week and a half in one of the most full Stark desolate yet just magical places in the world and today I'm honored to share his story and give him a microphone to speak about some very important

topics around masculinity around the shadow around past life trauma let's hand the mic over thank you I have a lot to share with you I don't feel that special but maybe I have a story to share and I actually don't think it's a special story I think it's one we share with a lot and that's perhaps why it makes sense to tell it here I think everybody goes through these things and a lot of us has the same pain this is why you and I we are we like each other I think it's you know

you fall in love with somebody who has the same Trauma or you like people have the same trauma and then you grow from there or you don't so to dive straight into it I don't want to talk too much about past and all that [ __ ] but just talk about where I were same time last year I think that is what resonate with people perhaps that resonated with you and perhaps it will resonate with the ones listening to this so I'm 51 and at last year same time I felt end of life I had

this feeling you know like I've experienced more than my grandfather my father and my great-grandfather together seen more countries been with more women done more crazy stuff than all of them combined and I was just saturated and I just felt like you know everything was behind not a lot in front of me at the same time I I really pushed my physique my whole life so I had a lot of injuries and a lot of physical pain and I was just thinking that you know I don't want to get old I felt like strength leaving

me my body was feeling weaker and I just thought you know hell I'm I I don't want to go out getting old so actually I reached a point where I was standing I was packing my backpack because I thought you know I used to be a soldier and uh That would be a glorious way to go honorable death and I don't live that far away from Ukraine and I thought you know they are actually fighting my War so I think I should go you know and and contribute um but then I thought saved me the

reality of the fact that I am a father and I have three kids you know um that responsibility surpasses whatever I might think that I want or need uh I lost my father at an early age at grain pain of course um and I could not put my kids through the same experience of being being all alone uh so I I I I stayed home I I unpacked my backpack I went back home and I thought okay I will deal with this I will deal with getting old uh time passes month or two and one

day I'm walking my daughter to school it's a beautiful day I remember very vividly and it's a very nice day uh and she's about 12 years old at that time and we were walking to school and then um our dog runs after a cat it's not in a leech we live out on the countryside and you know I yell at the dog knowing it will not obey of course because it's it's on the hunt but I do anyway and um then this thing happens for the first time the cat kind of make a U-turn and

then Run next to a fence down in my direction and I see this opportunity for once to catch this Bloody Dog doing uh what it's not supposed to do because you cannot yell at a dog of if it comes right because then it won't it won't come another time but this time I managed to grab the dog by the fur just as it passes and I remember allowing myself to get angry I have like a second in my mind I say it's okay you can get angry and and I I don't know what happened I

was just I was just overwhelmed with this IM men's [ __ ] Fury this black black Fury crazy crazy anger and uh and I and then I hear my daughter's voice penetrating from behind like a sword or something into my Consciousness and she's yelling dad stop stop dad stop what you're doing and I'm and then I'm waking up and I'm realizing I'm killing our dog no I was strangling it I just beat it to the ground and I was strangling out of nothing I managed she's behind me but I managed to uh compose myself and

turn around and just just pretend like nothing because that's another skill set you and I we have and then pretend like nothing and just tell her you know uh well if she doesn't learn from this She will never learn and and thank God my daughter never saw me this monster of inside of me that I always known was there but I was to discover it was under such a thin layer of I terrified me I thought when I met my wife 15 years earlier and she looked in my eyes and she saw the little me

I know that start resonate to you too so uh uh I thought actually that demon in me had had died or gone away because I didn't hadn't really felt it I hadn't been in any fights or anything I used to live a very violent life and um and when I met her I it kind of changed so I thought that side of me had died but to discover it was just there just under this thin layer of self-control it really scared me and I remember I think that's the first time my life I just completely

surrendered I gave up I just gave up and I just remember I looked up and I just said I need I really need help I gave up and I just said I need help and I'm very I was very agnostic I don't believe in bigger stuff you die and it's gone and all that I grew out of this heppie family you know child of the 70s my parents were 20 uh crystals everywhere I'm a little allergic but I'm getting there no I have to admit There there's some truth to it though I don't know what

it is but I was I was not a believer of anything I just believed in in life and death that's it I asked the universe for help for the first time I've always taken care of everything myself since I was I moved away from home when I was 15 I dealt with everything myself so this the first time I asked for help from the universe and you know out of the blue 24 hours maybe 408 hours later a uh a former guest in my camps in Greenland I run these uh camps in the middle of

the nowhere in the Arctic you know that's where we met we'll talk a bit about more about that later on um he reaches out and he says you know uh I think you should come I I have you you know you have to come to this thing of mine now the the backstory of this is that this guy he went to my camp and he was he's this genius no names mentioned but he's definitely a genius but he was all over the place and I asked are you eccentric are you high or something you know

you're too crazy to you're too rich to be crazy so I guess you are eccentric to which he replied that he was micro doing and stuff so I kind of knew that when he wanted me to come To Iceland because he he had a peak of my demons one night there in the camp that violent past we talked about it well you so you talked about it yeah yeah we were sitting there we just like you and I we connected and then he was kind of like oh everything here is so wonderful and you're such

a wonderful person and I had to say well I have a lot to pay back you know for the things I've done um and and so he got a glimpse I think of it which I thought he didn't see because you think as well people don't see everybody sees the things that you don't want them to see obviously if they if they're interested they will so anyway he invited me to this place and and I didn't come I didn't come the first year I didn't come then the second year but this year he calls me

like 24 hours after and say you got to come you know I have this therapist from the US she works with War veterans uh she's using psychedelics obviously um and I think I really think you should come it'll be a group of people and you're so welcome to join if you want but I really think you should come and I've always resented people who had to uh you know to go to these uh the extends to to use To use psychedelics and so on probably because of my background so I would never go down that

road I did the same as you I I was drinking so I used alcohol I guess to uh to numb numb whatever was going on because I didn't want to feel nothing so alcohol is is for me was just a tool not to feel anything because the only thing I felt was just it's incredible pain so I'll get back to that and I just knew you know even though I resented or all I just knew I had to go to to this guy had to go to that event because you know Universe was answering me

it wanted to help so I did you there yeah sure imagine how scary it is when you you you want to heal your Shadow so deeply that you're willing to do anything you're willing to experiment with plant medicine which the reverence that one must have to it was either that or die I really don't didn't have a choice so I did it for my my kids I did it to change the history in my family to change the the generational traumas and all that all that stuff you know now I know but back then I

just did it for my kids I knew if I was to live I had to do something different that I have done before I mean I've trying all sorts Of things but I needed and if all sorts of things don't work then you're doing the wrong things out like you're in my home right now and I'm sure you came in here and you're like why does he have a 40 lb Crystal like I was so willing to heal myself that I was willing to meditate with crystals I was willing to go to the mountains of

Colombia and yeah it's wild same story that that's same same same but different I guess this is why we're here right what you don't know guys is that we we we were both hanging there and it's out of the blue haven't talked for a year we called each other at a time where we we both were the same place and we had the same story to share just uh 15 years apart right yeah yeah it's uh it's it's kind of wild well it's wild because literally I was laying in the salarium right here meditating with

my crystals listening to these they're called Gateway tapes they're binaural beats so basically it's a fancy word of saying it sinks your brain up to shut up yeah it plays sounds and uh I was literally meditating with these freaking crystals man and I thought of you and I thought I thought of the fear I had that you know I promised You three videos and I made one even though it wasn't a paid thing it was my word and I felt so ashamed of myself as a man that I didn't keep my word and you just

popped up in my mind and I just texted you I said something what did I say I was obviously about greenand you know no but it was happy it was it was it was happy New Year I hope you and your family are well yeah I'll help you I'll help you remember I I I said Happy New Year I hope you and your family are well I apologize that I didn't post the other two videos I didn't know how to tell the story yet man no and the biggest thing in America and the world you

you told me this men want to fix things women want to be heard you know you're you're a whole you're whole country full of anger and and and anger is just a what can I say anger is um I'm angry right now dude I I got angry saying that that's okay the thing I've realized is it's not okay it's okay to be angry but but it's okay yeah it is but you have to realize that anger is a weak man's way of being strong you said it best brother right so so that's that's the problem

you said it best tell me more about that Because tell me more about because I learned this lesson literally yesterday and and we just had a conversation off camera where you saw me and you saw my truth and you saw that I can finally relax into the person I was so afraid to be because sometimes we're often we build these personas and now I'm actually a bit grounded and we can cut this up whatever we can let it [ __ ] flow because the point of the show is service first and foremost and it's breaking

old habits of this world we live in because now I'm actually saying something worth listening to and I I appreciate you just you're you respect me enough to you know that was a practice for me to drop the mic that was that was me testing myself because again I'm learning how to come into my own voice that you taught me how to and we live in a world that doesn't need men to fix it we need to be in a world and cultivate a world where we just listen and hear all the data we get

all of the data and do not judge it and then after we've I I mentioned the president imagine if how radical of just if he went up and just said nothing for 60 seconds and put his hand on his heart and felt the pain Of the fires Saul a sick Nation I think if you want to tell a big story like the Titanic you know Cameron's Titanic movie I know we're jumping excuse us for our ADH he your story I wanted to just take it because it's it's a big story and it's too big for

people to comprehend so you you you put a little story in the big story that's storytelling so you have a little little three three some drama inside it and then in that little story you can then tell the big story and people will listen to both stories so I think you can you can always find in the micro Universe you'll find the answers for the macro Universe well that's a hermetic principle so so so what so you know I think the journey that I want to share my journey that might resonate it actually speaks into

I think some of the reasons that you're as a country are what you are because it's about pain it's about pain and anger and it's about not being able to manage it for what it really is um and that is that is what's fueling everything's going on here and the counter reaction cannot be angry either because then you're just fueling the same pendula swinging for [ __ ] ever I want to I want To pause because you dropped such a gem that I said hermetic principles and you didn't know what that meant and that's okay

because it's I'm a geek dude I have Egyptian anox in my apartment I have crystals the Hermetic principles are codes there's I believe seven of them you guys can Google it the one of the main ones is the macro influences the micro As Above So Below as within so without yeah we speaking the same language now it took it took a few minutes man and that's the thing again like I'm finding my Cadence with this I think I think the challenge is for you guys to listen to this I mean we are both telling your

story where at some level you know there's going to be the the the telling about being influenced by psychedelica and and had it been one year ago I would have just uh zoomed out and turned into another Channel because I wouldn't respect it at all well that's the thing right so I think it's it's really important to tell that that uh I think it's important to tell what happened because I was a huge skeptic and I was I'm not into it I don't even advise it for everyone I really advise it only on the right

circumstances and when you have the right settings And your mind is right and you actually know why you are entering into it and kind of what you want so so uh so part of the story I want to tell is about that to clarify you know that uh that how that works so you don't hang up and you still listen to the rest of the story and what what comes out of it right so anyway I flew to Iceland to get back to my story this guy he invited me know Universe just was there for

me because I needed it and I knew I had to go to Iceland even though it's against everything I believe in I felt it was it's weak when people have to use drugs to feel happy or anything I never in my entire life I never done anything and not even smoked a cigarette I used alcohol yes and now I know why I used alcohol because that's that takes the pain away it's ethia I mean it's not something that expands your mind I would not even meditate I did nothing that could kind of you know bring

something into make my brain works better I did everything to make my brain works less you know so alcohol was a away from me too but this time I just knew I had to go so I went to Iceland it was the 19th of April uh he has this beautiful House his family was there his beautiful wife were there his his child was there she was pregnant it was just everything was just beautiful um and all the people there were so loving and I just felt it I just felt that I was it was safe

I could safely do it here the environment was the setting was the right I remember on the Saturday the 20th there was this caca ceremony and that was kind of hard for me because you know it's all this hippie yappy thing and I always resented that but I was a guest in the house and I felt that okay I have to be a part of this as well of course so we're sitting it out not being there honestly not open but at some point they were passing around this eagle feather H and we're supposed to

say why we were there I had no [ __ ] clue and then I I got this feather and I was looking at all these heppes me I excuse me I was a little bit of an ignorant at that point or I don't know but I got the feather all of a sudden the words just came out you know I'm here to make peace with a demon so I was now I look back at it I know I was really clear on what why I was there then the day after in the morning we were

they made this beautiful setting in this Big room with a mattresses and everything and we were laying there and the therapist told us about using music uh and the vibration from the music could make you feel your body and that resonated for me because I haven't really thought about it but when people were telling me uh how do you feel and stuff and if I was really honest I always did like uh it's like I don't feel anything from my head down I'll would make this like so I had no connection I felt there was

no connection with my body I was all mind and no no feelings actually to the extent that I don't really feel a lot of pain yeah so I can wake up with my wife's ear pins scking out my back and you know all sorts of injuries that I don't really feel has been handy of course but obviously it had caused me a lot of damage so it resonated a lot to me that what she said and I was for the first time I think I was open for an alternative way of dealing with this stuff

because every traditional things I've done did not work I mean I had reached a level where I just knew I couldn't get any further with with medication or with therapist or psychologist and so on I was I was I was there there was this or Nothing and then the administrated a pill of MDMA um and I remember being disappointed because I I took it and didn't feel any effect at first I didn't feel anything everybody else was kind of reacting but I was just like okay um and then we got LSD and um I remember

just having complete fate in the process and I was really calm about it and I got this LSD I drank it and I lay down and I didn't feel nothing I was just like H I had expected to see my father coming down from the skies perhaps and saving me I don't know what are all these things that people talk about when they talk about psychedelics but I didn't see nothing I didn't feel nothing and I was thinking it's apparently don't work on me and then after a couple of minutes you know laying there I

start feeling this pain going down my legs because when I was um I broke my back once in an accident yeah and so uh so and when I lay on some hot surface I I kind of get this feeling this pain sometimes but then I realized I'm laying on a on a mattress I shouldn't really feel any pain right now and I was wondering could this be the trip I mean I kind of diving into something really Horrible so I asked a therapist please is this a trip or what or is this uh can it

be and just oh yeah you are tripping and if pain is what you're going to feel then the pain is your journey and if you fight it it will only get worse you know so and I was just like okay great I'm in Iceland and I'm going to feel a lot of pain I don't see how that's ever going to help me you know and I just I just couldn't let go and I you know like we talked about a little bit earlier my whole life I've been in super mental control so emotional control freak

I never let anything go I've always stayed strong I never cried when my father died I didn't share tear incapable of crying I I want to but I'm just incapable of crying and and uh and and I was just yeah I was just complete control I was laying there and I was remembering this therapist that once told me and she asked me you know what is the what is the opposite of control for you and if the answer was so simple like you would probably answer like opposite of control for me was chaos right and

she told me this truth this Universial truth that the opposite of control is trust I carried that truth with me so All the small things that I learned before kind of dawned on me there and I I have to trust the process I have to trust that this will not go wrong I just have to trust and then I remember that they had this thing before the we had to pick this Taro cards and stuff you know and again I was kind of like yeah all right you know uh but let's give it the benefit

of Doubt uh so I pulled these cards I never looked at it I just put one in one pocket and one in the other pocket and and and I remember that I should keep one for help or guidance and and I felt that I need already I need the guidance because I'm not I'm not able to go into this and I pulled the card out and it was [ __ ] strong it said attune to the call tune in and turn on afterwards I kind of realized my whole life what I've been practicing is tuning

out and turning off and I think that's a common thing for almost every Modern Man and that is why I have Greenland because this place forces me to tune in and turn on that's the only place that's ever forced me to turn on that's Greenland because it's so extreme and I think that is why I'm so addicted to green and but but now I kind Of know so I was just laying there looking at the cards realizing I have to tune in and turn on and I did and then this thing happens I'm telling you

I filled it in my legs actually feel a little bit now I still have it so so then I fill it in my legs I felt this cramp moving up my legs and this incredibly [ __ ] pain and it moved up my my entire body and it was just pain pain pain like the worst pain in my life I felt all my broken bones like I feel it like fire of ice around my my my my legs and all the broken bones in my body uh same nauseating pain and was just everything was just

[ __ ] pain and then I just arched up uncontrollable like I couldn't stop it I don't know if you from your drunk days you remember that you could have the sober voice underneath kind of serving like knowing where you're going and kind of and so I had that so voice underneath thinking what the [ __ ] is my body doing and was completely out of of control and I I just felt this huge bubble this immense bubble like forcing its way through my throat and then out through my mouth came this crazy roar like

this that was [ __ ] crazy Roar right much louder Than this and I remember like I remember like where the what was that sound was that me what what was that it was it was so [ __ ] crazy and then I was just engulfed in the most intense pain and in crazy [ __ ] anger I was like I was like pure [ __ ] demon it was it was it was so crazy uncontrollable and yet I felt so wonderful I felt the pain everywhere and I felt this immense anger and I felt

great and then it passed away and I was laying completely sober if you can say and I just what what just happened what was this what was happening and and there was you know there was this point five people had jumped on me somebody's laying on my legs there was helpers there right luckily and they were laying on my arms and there and she was sitting on my chest riding me like a mad Bull or something like a a rodeo yeah was and she was just they were all holding me down right and I was

just what the [ __ ] happened and uh this gentle person this Angel woman was sitting next to me um and this mother figure or something and I and then I felt it coming back and then I got so scared that I will hurt people because usually when this happens to me and I let it go People would get hurt around me um like badly so I was so afraid that I would really hurt all these gentle people around me and I remember saying oh you have to go away you have to move you have

to go somewhere else cuz because I don't want to hurt you I don't want to hurt you uh but they stayed they were not afraid of me they just stayed there uh and I and then I went into this cramp again and then rage and pain and it continues on and off just like contractions I think like I was giving birth to something and I thought it was like 45 minutes or so but on an hour but afterwards I learned it was like seven or eight hours it was [ __ ] crazy and at some

point I think the the therapist he has brought me outside the house cuz I was too much I'm standing out there on the beach and uh and I remember clearly that you know it has been storming over Iceland for for like three or four nights was just in the spring and we had the the skies were all dark over Iceland and then you saw the sun like a one clear line over the ocean but it was still dark and I could feel the volcanoes and I could feel my ancestors they know the you're talking about

Legacy right I Could feel all my my Vikings there I could feel the power I feel the volcanoes I felt the storm and I was a pure [ __ ] demon and I'm telling you I I'm I'm really powerful as a person I know and I just felt it all I felt this immense power and I felt so great and then then this magic happened the the sun was coming in over the island and it hit my chin I remember and I felt the warm and it camped me down and then I uh I looked

at the ocean and I saw this big wave and then I saw this big wave move towards the coastline and it's like everything in my universe just stopped I just saw this wave moving closer to the Shoreline nothing being able to stop it like the rocks it just passed over the rocks and around the Rocks uh to it hit the shore with this long sound this and then I was just overwhelmed with this immense peace from the ocean I just felt this incredibly peace from the ocean and I was standing there in front of the

ocean and for the first time in my life Eric I felt peace in my heart it was [ __ ] crazy I never felt peace in my entire Life I didn't even know what it felt like till I I was standing there in front of the ocean that was that was crazy and then and then um and then I remembered then I remembered the last thing my father said when he came to me one day to ask for forgiveness because I was I was I didn't talk to him the last three years of his life

I was so mad at him and just pushed him out and then uh he came to me to ask for forgiveness and I was too proud and I just want to punish him some more that didn't give it to him and at the end he just gave up I remember he's just sighing giving up and then he said uh son I wish you didn't always have to be that hammer Crossing everything on your way but that you just sometimes could be the water and I mean I and and I just felt him and I just

cried like I know I just cried and then I pulled out the other card and on that card there was this little it was this Thorn Nest Black Thorn nest and in the middle was this little gold neeg and I was just thinking oh and I was just and I just cried and I just said you know I realized that I've never been a hammer and I remember saying this I never been a hammer I just I just had to be I've always Been in the water I never wanted to be a hammer I just

had to be and then I was standing there for a long time feeling at peace and thinking my demon had gone but then a helicopter flew over Iceland and the sound hit me like these black strings going through my body and people were coming out into the Sun and invading my space and I was demon again and I was so disappointed to feel that you know it's still there later that night I talked to the therapist about my disappointment that I didn't manage to kill my demon and she said what I said to you earlier

you know that that you're not supposed to kill it you idiot I mean it's it's your best friend you have to learn to love it you know and give it the space it deserves you know uh and I was like okay this disappointed or something the next morning I woke up everything was changed uh Eric I feel like I feel like before I did this my whole life was a black and white television show everything was black and white and now it's like I see colors I remember Dy because I was so stupid of course

I book meetings with travel agents the morning after uh and and I was just I saw colors I could see I saw an old lady and a Little child walking on the street holding hands and for the first time in my life I could see the love between them for me it's always been an academic exercise like I can see that they they're obviously affected to each other so they must love love each other but all of a sudden I can see that the love is actually visible it's something that you can you can you

can feel and see I'd never known that there are so many things I it's just like it's just like an explosion of new emotions and feelings and I realized how simple my life has been that I've only allowed like the 10 basic emotions I it's like how can I explain it for instance anger the thing that you're feeling a lot it for me it's been like a switch it's either on and off now I realize it's actually a knob that you can turn 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 that has never

been an option for me before it's either off or on and if it's on it's full on I mean and to discover that you that that that you can be sad and happy at the same time I didn't know that either it's just a a crazy crazy crazy experience so I go home my life has changed I feel that but as she said you know doing this thing doing what I did Is not a cure by no means it I just got I just got shown a path that I can choose to take and now

I have to do the hard work right I didn't know what she was talking about but now I do right so I went home to Denmark uh this was just before season before we had to go to greenand lots of work and all that and um a couple months later I find myself in Greenland and I invited her there because all of a sudden I realized that this sitting I have in Greenland it's perfect for people like me who's lost to come there and and and and find yourself and get grounded and perhaps get a

direction because I have this amazing setup for that and that is what I want to do right with the camps so I invite uh the therapist up there another reason is I was so grateful and I want to give her something back and she she comes and we walk around and we talk about the concept and we are down this beautiful place we just hiked over a little mountain rig and we and we're out there in the middle of the Wilderness and because we have this tended camps You' have been there is so we're there

and we're hiking to this beautiful spot the Fus just lifted and we got the ice rod in Front of us and we alone in the universe and we talk about this concept in a very practical way uh and I'm talking about getting people like me up there we can help them and then she stops me and she say John I just realized that you think that we can bring people exactly like you out here that's not possible a what you're talking about no we cannot have people like you out here I mean it was almost

at the brink of not being safe enough to have you in the house I mean I said what are you talking about people like me and she says but John you are perhaps in the top 10 of the worst PTSD uh people I have ever in my life met and then I realized something there was a voice in me that stopped talking that second that I never thought about has been speaking to me my entire life and that voice goes on like this it tells me Shut the [ __ ] up what are you whining

about come on pull yourself together you have seen in I had factories in Indonesia and so on so you you've seen how the poor people have the children lives of the streets of Jakarta or in Bangladesh I mean you are [ __ ] lucky you were you won the lottery when you were born in Scandinavia uh your father did love you When he remembered to look your way you know and your mother she she had to take the choices she did is is like you what are you complaining about you have no right to whine

you have no right to cry you have no right to feel pain you have no right to and that voice just continue telling me all the things I was not allowed to and I had no right to because I was super privileged and I but she stopped that voice because she said to me you are top 10 of the worst PTSD I'm treating War veterans I never went to war thank God not that kind of War anyway so I didn't I didn't feel that I was that I was entitled to say I have PTSD because

I never SE a friend being blown up you know so so my voice would say shut the [ __ ] up again but she told me you have all the rights in the world to feel the way that you are feeling and to feel sorry for yourself if that's what you want to do right and that second that voice just died and it was like she put a she put a foot in a in a door that just had not been able to close afterwards and I'm telling you I she's crying and which I never

do especially not I I know I know you and especially not in front of anybody right So so that was oh man so then we walk home and the next morning she introduced this meditation and I never done meditation but we did and it was It was kind of nice and then I go out in in the boat we have these rip boats so I'm I'm going from our camp which is about the G is about 50 miles from from nuke there's nobody there but and we've got ice in the water and we have to

go fast right so I'm going maybe 40 knots which is uh pretty fast it's about equivalent in miles right and we're sailing and then I realized I'm actually I'm actually medit there because the Ser the serenity of the nature and all that just calms your mind and then I then I realize that I'm just reducing my amount of thoughts because like you and I am flying at H it's very popular these days to have this but it's not always nice so for me I have too many thoughts in my head right so when I'm sailing

there I can reduce it to a couple of thoughts but then I realized that the exercise she wants me to practice is isolating emotions what I mean is honestly to just be true to what you feel just let the feeling come so so so so that was the meditation exercise was to allow whatever Feeling is there I'm isolating feelings and to my astonishment it's very easy I didn't know that but it's all very easy when when you let it right and then I'm just overwhelmed with this gigantic old feeling sorrow uh and this huge need

for somebody to take care of me somebody to hold me and and just you know be there for me and protect me or something and it's just such a sorrow that it just I can't control it and I just start crying and and it's not very helpful when you're sailing a rip boat in ice in high speed that you have got tears in your eyes right so so I I I I did what you do you you use your body to com compress emotions I didn't know that back then but now I kind of realize

that this is what's happening right so use your physique to stop you know when you're about to cry it's not a it's not a mental thing it's more like a physical thing you kind of tighten up your muscles and then you can control your crying and then you can move on I didn't know that at that time that it is actually what you do I just didn't usually I don't feel it I just shut it off right but this time I felt it and uh and then I tried to block it off and then my

whole body Said no you have done that your whole life I'm not doing it anymore so I went straight into the same cramps as in Iceland with no warning I went straight into this Arch thing my whole body just cramed up I just barely managed to get the speed of the boat and then I was laying in the bottom of the boat in pain and anger and I was I was like [ __ ] crazy and I'm thinking you're losing it [ __ ] you are having this shitty psychedelic stuff you're having a psychosis you

know you're getting [ __ ] crazy and and and then I'm calling my wife I have in you know this in between these contractions you can call it I'm calling my wife she's 900 100 kilometers away in in our other Camp up in North luckily she she takes the phone and she's there to keep me sane and and it goes on and on for an hour completely out of control I I cannot control my body and and then and eventually it stops and I get back to camp and I you know I'm I'm I'm telling

my wife I'm done I'm I'm I cannot be responsible for this operation I cannot be uh in charge of this and I I I cannot do this I'm I'm finally I'm done I'm totally done I never felt like that before I always felt that I Can fight a little bit more right but this I just completely gave up I'm I'm I'm I'm done I I took my crew over and I told them about my my journey in Iceland about my experience and I told them where I were and I told them if they didn't want

to stay because it's not what they signed up for I completely understand told them everything and you know their their response was their response to me was like no worries as long as you can make the generator run we'll make everything else work now the next couple of days this happened quite it happened almost yeah it happened with intervals now I know what triggered it that one day for instance we have K kid children right they are they're 13 and 14 and 20 and I'm about to send them home to a school they never been

in in a house we never lived in to a grandma they seen 10 15 times in their life right they hardly knew H and then because we we had to work you know and they had to go home and then I real how is that any different than what I have experienced I have to go home with these kids I cannot I cannot do that I have to be that's I have to do that and secondly I could not work in the camp because of My condition right so so that was the one and then

this older lady my little older me she came to me be from behind and gave me this big HW like I got you and and her just doing that it hurt it was so painful to feel her her love to me it really hurt and I went straight into that [ __ ] in front of my my crew like again I think I'm crazy am I having another psychosis wow now I know it's just my body reacting I've been suppressing so much [ __ ] I mean all the pain that I felt in Iceland is

real it's real pain that I have stored so the pain you don't allow yourself to feel you just store in your C stored in the body and the way I know it is for instance I I broke my my left leg when I was about two years old I have obviously no uh adult memory of this incident but when I was in this uh LSD experience I felt the pain weird pain because it was kind of circling up my leg all around my bone from my from my knee to my hip like a long spiral

so afterwards I I asked my mom I called her and said you know when I broke that leg when I was two years years old what what happened and she explained to me that I've been standing somewhere where my foot got locked between a hole In the ground and then a dog passed me high speed and hit me so I swirled around without being able to move my foot and my leg broke in a spiral from the knee to my hip I mean how the [ __ ] am I I mean that is that is

two years old that is muscle memory that is stored in my in my cells that is stored somewhere else and then in my brain and in my memory so I'm very confident that all the pain that I have never allowed myself to feel because if I feel the pain then I feel a lot more than that right it's all the physical pain that I put myself through which is a whole lot it just it's just it was just kind of you know the the the septic tank of pain was just full and now it's just

pouring out and it didn't allow me to kind of do that anymore let me ask you something then I actually read a book that I was recommended called the body keeps the score during my time in the atrical conservatory and it described exactly what you're saying about how literally our bodies and the injuries almost mirror the emotional injuries that that we've had and the fact that you're saying that you felt this cramp like dude this whole week I have felt in my calf in the back Of my legs like my legs locked the [ __

] up and well that's what and it's what you said off camera the fact that you came here not for this show but for me and the fact that you are a mirror for me because you are at that point in your journey that I'm now only experiencing the [ __ ] pain of my past wounds coming back up and thank God that I have you here and I have the patience of my brothers around me to shut the [ __ ] up and listen to you yeah but that's why I thought it will resonate

I think and the funny thing you talk about the lake but because that's is always how it starts with me it still does I still feel it sometimes and I I still get these cramps up my legs so anyways um it always starts with my legs so I get the cramps and then it moves up and then I turn then I turn into this to this anger pain thing and so so that what that's what it did in in Greenland so it happened several times and then I I just know I have to gather my

family I have this idea cuz I felt like it was like contraction and I'm very impatient so I thought okay my family is going to come I'm going to have this emotional uh birth of whatever it is of pain and whatever and Then it'll be over with and I'll be cured I was imagined with this whole journey in front of me and my family came and I just completely locked up and I was wondering why I I went completely back to lock up and I think that probably would resonate for a lot of U men

out there as well is that our primary purpose is to protect our family even even even if it is protecting it from myself so so I I was not capable of I was not capable of of Letting Go when they were there so then but then one thing happened one day there was a guy who cheated us for a lot of money and we were almost going broke there usually we get like uh 43% of our bookings from May and onwards and that's very risky business because we have all the expense before right but we're

in July we hadn't had a single email not a single email since April and we running low on cash and I'm thinking how I have to fire staff or how are we going to go through September and we we really [ __ ] and um and we have this one big gig with somebody who's going to go on the cruise ship anyway long story short I didn't make a non-disclosure agreement because I trusted him and I knowing that I should And then I got really angry at myself I guess and at him as well but

I got this anger right but I have a guest in the camp I cannot show this anger so I just contain it instantly I feel the bubbles I feel like it's small it's like I have a carbon monoxide in the blood or something so I feel this bubbles all over feel this unrest I just feel [ __ ] it's coming this is coming and it's bad you know so I just limber down the hill down to the Viking ruins remember right next to the camp and I'm just get down there and I'm just being completely

overwhelmed with this anger and I'm just like P [ __ ] demon I'm just like [ __ ] rage and I'm just my wife my wife is down there and I'm just in this cramp and this incredibly angry State and then I remember something I had this Brazilian um uh pop star Anita for many reasons I'm so grateful that she came because she introduced me by coincidence to this Shaman in Greenland and mind you I don't believe or I didn't believe anything about this skep yeah so but but but she was there and she she

was just this power ful woman uh and she needed to see ra which is the name of the shaman and I had to talk to her in May Because I thought I would bring her in on this concept so they will come to the camp they will spend time with with with with um the American therapist do a a light something stuff legal because we cannot bring it into Greenland so it has to be some of these um plant medicine that you can bring in Legally and then have some kind of a similar journey and

then combine it with a with raan it was very commercial thought of me when I did it I had this meeting with her and it was just amazing and I and she was there in my brain I hadn't talked to AA as a real name ra for since May and 2024 yeah 2024 and then I'm in July I'm laying down there among the Viking ruins and then all of a sudden I just realize she has to [ __ ] come Eva orle she has to come now like now now cuz this rage I was feeling

and everything everything she just have to come now and I'm talking this and saying to my wife you have to get her she has to come now and she said well she's in the far away I mean the several hours by boat ride not sure she has the time and all that I don't care she has to come now then what happens is like I think I'm kid you not four hours later I Reed an messenger Notice from ra I haven't talked to her we haven't called her CU we were planning to go and ask

her to come in the weekend and all she writes to me and he writes to me say yon I think it's about time I come don't you think and I'm just like yes of course uh and then we're going to send a boat we will pick you up uh and and she just comes and she brings a family and everything's like whoa and what a place and it's so it's a lot of the mountains there are the oldest on the planet above sea level it is really old and there's something going on I don't know

what I don't know what it is but something's going on there and she's like overwhelmed as well about this raw spot we have on the planet with our ttin and all that very authentic experience and she is um and then we having before dinner she says oh y by the way you and I we you know we have something we need to do and I'm like yeah and you know it's against everything in me because I don't believe in it I know I'm very logical I don't believe in that but I know I have to

go with her I mean I asked the UN un for help and it's just keep giving me help when I need it right so I go with her to the tent And she's sitting down she's very pragmatical no feathers no uh fancy stuff she has a little she has an iPhone that makes the drum dance sound because she she didn't have the drum no no real no no just really everything was just but then she explains to me in a very um casual way you know I will I will connect you with the spiritual world

right you have all these things you you're using a crystals I don't know if you can see the rest of you but he has a collection of his ancestors and people who mean something for him in in these things um and we all do we all keep score of the ones who mean something for us who are here or not here living or die or dead they're there somewhere in here in our in our minds right at all given time so I'm I'm sitting there with her and she explains and in the spiritual World in

CA as it's called in Greenland um our ancestors you know they don't really understand why all these big emotion has to have so much space in our lives because they lived in a time where that's a privilege to be able to sit in a like us feeling all these things because we're not in a survival mode right and then so that's a privilege that we Have to cherish it's an evolutional completely out of scope place we are to be going down these paths that we are this is why we obliged to do it by the

way our ancestors were not in position to go down these roads and discover these things inside of us so they don't understand it and then she says another thing is that they don't really understand time so they might say at Christmas but you never know if it's this Christmas or next so uh and I say okay well whatever and then she does this drum things and and then all of a sudden she's she's like oh I see this polar bear raging down for the hills it's coming to kill you and want to rip you a

part I want to kill you and I'm a little bit like okay I got a polar bear around my neck and this so that's my totem yeah I'm a big and all that I'm you know I'm not there she I didn't really feel it and then she's saying oh oh and then she grabs me or something and she says she says you you have been you have been fighting from your life from since you were inside your mom and your mother you you you've been fighting for your life you've been fighting your whole life you

you've been at War forever and it just struck him Because of what she don't know and I haven't told anyone at that point is after I did that L estate trip I remember there was something about when I got born something that didn't work I was I was in an incubator there something was wrong right so I asked my mom what was how serious was this when I was born and she said you were dead when you were born still born yeah so they had to revive me afterwards so you know so she was telling

me that you've been fighting from inside your mama to stay alive you fight your whole life to be alive uh you've been a war your whole life it was so true and then I I just knew that that I mean I I just knew that this is real I mean this is real I don't know right answer yeah I'm just saying and then the next thing she next thing she said to me was oh now I see two people behind you one is round and soft and the other one is really clear and hard and

then at and then I just felt if was a if it was a psychological projection or whatever anybody here with a logical mind will like that explanation and if you're more spiritual you will believe that this was my ancestors and I really don't care what it was because it helped me A lot but I felt my grandfather he was standing behind me he he was a war veteran he was he was in the Army his whole life an officer and and he was this really Square alcoholic as well PTSD for sure before anybody knew what

it was um fighting the same demons you know and then he then he said he wants me to tell you that your War is Over You are no longer needed and you better pull yourself together and accept it and start learning how to live in peace time and that is exactly how he would tell it with no [ __ ] no crap around it I mean I seriously Eric it was [ __ ] him that was so weird and then and then she just kind of like interrupts and oh now the polar bear is arrest

you're fine you're cured let's go down and have dinner and I was like what the [ __ ] I was so like hey I'm not ready for that I I don't feel like that I feel like what the [ __ ] but the thing is actually something and that's the thing about healing is that it's not like you go from it's like this it's it's one healing on another you know that's how it is that's life you know if you go through life without any wounds or any scar you never lived at all right so

so that's Fine but anyways afterward so thinking about this war thing and and I I realized that I've been picking every [ __ ] wall every fight everything I could along the road I've been a bouncer for 8 10 years I don't recall it exactly but and I walked into every conflict I could possibly find at any given time with anyone right so it's and I realized why you're doing this so then I got back to Denmark and and then I was just sitting at the beach realizing not long ago that I have have no

conflicts in my life for the first time in my life I don't have any conflicts I'm I'm kind of I'm not at War you know it's just so strange I'm not at War anymore so she's right I was was I was kind of cured my story don't end here cuz healing don't end there I wish it was so simple but it's it's not I have one really weird side note to this because I was making journals I was somebody asked me told me to make these journals so I never do that but I did and

the interesting thing is like we're middle of Greenland and what nobody really knows is that we don't have polar beers in that area it's like Greenland is from northern Sweden to Morocco right in size is that big yeah where You cross it down over Europe and we got kind of like polar bears in Ural and in in Sweden uh and then we have it down in Morocco and all the way up but we don't have it there in Parish where we living right but but sometimes they pass through because they get caught on an ice

flow and then they kind of get up like the coastline and they will run north as fast as they can because it's it's warm and this year for the first time I don't know how long we had a polar be approaching they came so every time it was sided you know we got all this not it was about first it was like 40 kilm away then 30 then 20 then only 10 km away from the camp and know what the weird thing is that the polar bear appeared all the days when I had these attacks

that is [ __ ] weird isn't it why you I'm I'm just saying it's probably a coincidence but I just can't help thinking now that things kind of looks different in my life right and you know when it disappeared the day when she was there that was the last day so we were sitting up you know cuz when this happens obviously we have dogs in camps who and we we have to have a we have weapons so we're sitting There you know armed guards and everything of course and so people are safe in our camp

of course but um but the last day it was spotted was the day when she said okay you cured it's sleeping it was never seen again that's [ __ ] weird from the time you did the the trip in Iceland what was the date from that to the date with the experience with the shaman to then the polar bear like what is the time frame because I want to know how long did it take for your shadow well how long did it take for peace you're asking me about time frame and uh you know getting

rid of your Shadow and I have to repeat to you it's not about getting rid of a shadow it's about learning to love it because it it's not going to leave you and it's not a shadow I'll get to it but it's not a shadow it's what kept you alive at least if we're talking about the same thing if we're talking about the same thing so I go back to mark my mom is there in the house you know and everything is chaos the kitchen are not built because we just moved in like bought the

house before we came back to Denmark so everything is chaos um we get through it kids starts in school And I'm so happy I went back with them everything works but I can feel underneath I just can feel this thing building up like all the time and I'm kind of wondering what the [ __ ] is it I mean what's going on and then we are in a my daughter wants to go to nail saloon and I have to wait and I'm walking downtown it's a beautiful day sun is shining you know it's a I

think it's a Saturday or something shops are just opening up and everybody's like hi good morning people are friendly and everything is just super nice and I go to a cafe and I sit down in this Cafe and I order a cappuccino and I haven't drink coffee for like six seven years because at some point I said I will never drink coffee again and I'm very stubborn but I was just thinking you know [ __ ] everything I told about who I am uh and all the all the things that I kind of about being

you know what is a man and all this all this all these things that I kind of hang my jacket on you can say all these things that is constraining me from just being who I might really be [ __ ] it it's they made all these rules for myself all these truths about myself [ __ ] it if I want a cup Of coffee I'll drink a cup of coffee if I don't drink a cup of coffee it's because I don't like it it's not because I said something five six years ago so I

had that PO portion of I had that coffee and I was sitting there drinking it and it it didn't taste good though so and and everything was just lovely and there were people sitting there uh having birthday thing and they were having this wonderful speech and you can see how how touched they were and out of the blue out of the blue I just feel it coming like you was talking about I feel this vibrations in my legs and it's Unstoppable and I'm because this is really embarrassing I'm in the middle of a cafe and

I like I have to say that I'm epileptic or something uh and and again I'm I'm going crazy I mean should I be admitted this is probably that [ __ ] LSD I should never have done it and [ __ ] what's happening you know and it's just raising up my body and I just walk away from the cafe real fast and there's a church nearby and I just walk into the garden around the church and I just go straight into this cramp I keep my voice down I managed to call my wife and I

say you have to talk About have to talk about practicality I need to be in in a logical minder State we need to talk you need I need to talk like you you know talking is preventing me from feeling so I need to talk so I can stop feeling and then I talk a lot about generator and how they work and stop feeling like you would if you start talking about a generator how it work or these cameras or something it's a nice distraction my daughter comes I'm okay but I know I'm not okay and

I call my sister and I say you have you have to come I cannot be home alone with a kid something's going on this is this is this is getting out of hand I need you to come and then she suggest that instead of going home with the kids cuz my daughter was sleeping at a friend's place we should go to this old friend this therapist cuz she has the environment in which we it can happen if it has to we go there and I tell the story as I told you and I reach the

point with the wave and um and and then I got just go straight into this rage thing and my sister's is big strong luckily she's sitting on top of me and they're holding my legs and all the time they're they're kind of caressing my legs And they're been so loving and kind to me and she keeps on saying there must be some words you know there must be some words so and I'm like this [ __ ] therapist just shut the [ __ ] up I mean there's no words it's not like a single thing

it's not like I it's just like this gray black mass of you feel like you're taking home no it's just that this thing inside of me I don't have a specific memory to connect to all the pain it's just like a big gray black bag of I don't know what the [ __ ] it is there's no single thing there it's just this men's feeling and it's just like I don't have any words just child I just want to say that but I don't right and she just keep on you know and they just keep

on being nice to me and and I know that she's not charging for this and they're not they're just doing it because they love me and then the words come you know all of a sudden and then the words is just that what really hurts is that is that they love me and they're doing is because they love me and and and I don't know somehow in my brain other people's love for me is painful it hurts to accept it it hurts to let it in I rather be I rather be somewhere unpleasant Uh somewhere

isolated and wet and cold uh than somewhere warm and loving because that [ __ ] I can handle yeah the other the other stuff just really hurts so that was kind of like what I what I realized from that experience that that you know that that somewhere along the road my mind has been Twisted from from that that when people are nice to you eventually this will [ __ ] hurt like nothing else that was that was something to chew on then I got home um I had a few more of these episodes every time

learning a little bit realizing for instance that okay it happens whenever I try to suppress my feelings I just have to kind of let it flow then it's it's not as aggressive and then in uh November I had the last and most crazy experience I think even more intense and more crazy than when I was on LSD and mind no drugs no drugs at all I for a couple of days I felt this thing building up in me like the other times but I had I was worried this time I was afraid of it I

felt and uh and um was this I'm sitting this morning in the house kids are in school and we work from home and uh I'm saying to my wife something is coming I can feel something Bad is coming something really bad and she says well why are you fighting it I mean there's no kid so maybe you should let it out and something I and try and recite the words you know ATT tune to the call tune in and turn turn on ATT tune to the call turn and I don't know what happened but then

the crams came oh now I'm getting a little bit actually but then the cram yeah a little bit just think thinking about it and then the cramps came in my legs and then um and then uh I was overwhelmed with this insane hate I was the blackest place in my life I was so black and dark I was so full of hate I never felt anything as evil as that and my wife wanted to go to me and I had to tell her that she you cannot get close because I want I I really wanted

to hurt her I really wanted to damage her I wanted to go down in the grocery store next door and kill the first person I met I desired to to hurt people and I and I and then I saw this I saw this picture from Once I was working as a bouncer this guy he he stood in front of me with his finger up next to my eye you know like chicken yeah and then he just uh and I was just if you do that I will [ __ ] kill you so I I just

played the chick and then he just plowed his finger into to my eyes so I thought it exploded and I went into insanity and um and I but and usually when I thinking about this memory it's not a pleasant memory um but in that state of mind I remember every detail for the first time since it happened with the greatest joy I remember everything his face exploding under me and I was strangling him his eyes all these horrible horrible things and uh and I remembered it with great joy you know and it was such a

horrible place and I was so evil and it just and then after a while I got really tired like because know I'm cramping completely together and I'm just yelling like a [ __ ] crazy and I'm just like pure anger and hate you know just pure hate and I'm really really tired and I'm kind of out of it I'm back in this world and then uh my wife is standing there on the other side of the room and I'm say I'm so tired he says no wonder you've been standing there for two hours now and

I feel like it's been 10 minutes and then I'm like G and I'm just laying down on the floor completely empty and telling her about this crazy feeling of Crazy hate I don't feel the hate anymore I just remember it that I know that that was what it was and all the other times I'm thinking back all the other times I went into this it's always been pain rage and sorrow and now I kind of know you know that it's the same thing that I've never been capable of feeling sorrow I converted it into rage

because that makes me feel strong you know rage empowers you sorrow makes you feel weak but it is the same thing and until you accept the fact that your rage is really just sorrow you're never going to get rid of it so you know as I said earlier you know rage is a weak man's way of feeling strong right strong men can be sad and feel sorrow so I'm laying there and I feel my whole I have this tickling em feeling my whole body and I'm kind of because I never really feel my body right

so this time I'm feeling everything and I'm laying there and I think that's [ __ ] weird and then I discover right here in the middle of my chest nothing at all I don't feel nothing in the circle around here nothing at all and I'm I'm laying there and I'm saying to my wife it's funny I don't feel anything here it's Very symbolic right and she says yeah well at least we can feel your heart you know and then I feel and I can't really feel my heart for some reason I don't know why but

it's not I couldn't feel it and then she puts her hand there and then she says who are you who do you hate so much and you know is your father which is it could have been right and I'm I'm instantly I know it's not him and then she asked is it then your mother and you know and I feel instantly that no it's not my mother and then she says well then you have then you have the answer there and then like magic this wise woman right like magic I just have the answer I

just can't stop the answer I cannot control the answer it just wants to come come out and it comes from below it just comes up again and you know she's just this tremendous hate of self [ __ ] I hate myself you know tremendous hate of myself and it just overwhelms me and then I'm no longer here I have this out of Body Experience where I am uh I'm in this little house it's out on the countryside and it's super nice and warm and we preparing dinner you have this nice smell of food you know

the most peaceful time of day in a family The kids are bossing around making the tables and all and I'm standing there and I'm feeling really bad because I know I've done unjust I've done something horrible to somebody and I kept somebody out of my family that had all the rights to be there uh and I've done great wrong and I need to do something that I've been too far too long about to do I have to go out and get this person into this house where this person belongs and I walk out with heavy

steps I open the door and I see the I see the the light from the door because it's pitched back black outside I see the light from the door uh lightening up a a lawn a little Meadow or something and on the other side I see these the pine trees and they're very symbolic for me because we live next to a forest and I would Retreat to the forest as a child because that's my safe space so I I was I was allowed to live in the forest from May to September and then I would

and I always camouflaged it like this is what I want but in reality it's because it was often more pleasant to be in the forest than to be in the house so so that's that's That's My Sanctuary the Solitude might be raining down through my Crappy shelter and might be wet and miserable but you know at least I knew what that was I could deal with that it was mine so so there was my safe space and there in front of that Forest I See This Little Child five six years old child and I and

I just realize what I've done you know and and I'm walking towards this little child and I'm like um you know I'm so [ __ ] sorry I was so sorry I was just like I'm on my knees I'm just sorry sorry I didn't know it was you please forgive me I had I known it was you I would never have done this to you you know I was just I was just so [ __ ] sorry and I go towards this little child and I remember taking this little child into my chest and he's

completely cold and wet miserable and scared of me and he looked looks like my son and I'm just like oh little friend and I understand that you don't want to come with me right now it's going to take time because I don't deserve your trust uh but please won't you just come inside the house just have a look I mean dinner is ready and you're so welcome if you must be hungry don't you want to come and I take this little child with me we walk up the middle and he's kind of following Me curious

like can I really trust you and I go inside the house and I'm inside that house and my family is there and um everybody's like Curious and he's looking in through the door and Melina my youngest daughter she's she she sees him she says oh there you are there you are I've always wanted to meet you I've been longing to meet you and I I made the bed ready for you won't you see your room you know and and then uh and then all of a sudden I just feel this tremendous uh ray of light

or love coming out through this numb space middle of my chest like when the first time I hold my babies every parents know what I'm talking about but it's just this immense uncontrollable love that you feel right and it's just pouring out my chest like like this ray of light and uh but then the phones calls me in the in the in the in the real world there some meeting we missed and I'm just I'm waking up and I'm just like oh what the he was almost there I almost got this little child of mine

into the into the house you know into this to this room uh yeah and um thank you it's it's weird sharing but then but then um and I'm so like and then I'm just laying There on the floor completely calm I know it's over now because this is the pattern of my when these things happens to me every time there's a learning there's a feeling and then there's a consuming it and learning and taking it to next level every time something happens right this it's for learning everything something happens to you is because you're supposed

to learn from it right so I'm laying there and I'm I'm trying to learn and I realized this thing about the the Forest right um a true story from when I was a child we were outside on a field it's a winter time and we discover the neighboring Farm is on fire you see the smoke coming up from there and we running there cuz it's interesting right and so we're running there to to watch it and the farmer at that time he had gotten all the pigs out on the on the snowy field and if

you know pigs has never been out to see them just free and having fun in the snow that was a that was a very nice I remember thinking because there was a forest next to it very symbolic right so I was wondering why don't they run into safety run into the forest you need come on run run pigs Yeah but obviously they didn't and then the fire broke out and it went all through the windows and out through the doors and firemen were yelling and all that and um and they got scared and then they

all every one of them start running towards the fire and I remember them running through the door the Flames coming out and all into the fire so they ran Straight Into the Fire and this is this is a real thing it's not a memor it's a real thing that happened and I remember asking the firemen because they were shooting the pig through the windows out of Mercy right because they couldn't get them out they're strong animals and I remember remember trying to hold them and I couldn't hold them you know like all desperate what are

you doing I mean well can you see this on fire but they ran straight into there and the firan told me you know that well that's the only safe thing they know they don't know the rest of the world and when they get scared they run back to the only safe thing they know and even if it's on fire and that lecture I've have taken to heart and it's been one of my guiding lectures in life is you know if you're standing out There on the field all free and all and then you get scared

and you want to run remember the house is on fire so I used that to kind of not run back into it but that's a lie so the LIE is that I thought I never run back because the fact is that the forest is my burning fire my burning house so so you know that's that Forest that Solitude that being alone I remember telling my wife some years ago you live alone you die alone like that's that's the truth and she was like shocked cuz she's no that's not true and I how can it not

be I just couldn't get it we are here your family is here you're not going to you don't live alone you don't die alone you know but so so for me the the forest and all that represent has been my my burning farm right and and perhaps that farm on the other side is in reality my Forest so that was what I was thinking about and I realized another thing you know that those pigs they could never run towards the forest because they did not know what they were looking at so if you lived in

a conf refinement or something and then you all of a sudden is somewhere else your brain don't have the capacity to understand where you are so what I got out of that lecture is that right now in my life I don't know what's going on I don't have the capacity to understand the the the path ahead of me because I don't know what I'm looking at I only know the forest but that [ __ ] is on fire so the only thing I can do and the only thing the pcks could really have done was

just be standing there on that field not move moving just staying there and that speaks into the biggest difference between us and animals and that is when we are hit by fight and flight reactions right yeah freeze as well but freeze is for in my perspective another reaction of running we have another choice if we understand what's happening and where the fear comes from then we actually have the ability to stand and let it flow through you and through that get rid of it and then see what's in front of you so you can do

that you can do that we can all do that but we have to know what why what's happening otherwise we will just run or attack as usual right so you have to understand what's going on in order to let it go through you so that's one of my things I realized that I cannot move anywhere in my current condition Neither can you I can just stand here to to the clouds disappear and I start understand what's going on and then I can make an educated choice of Direction one thing for sure I cannot go back

to the forest even though everything in my in my body wants to because it's safe but it's [ __ ] up right it's [ __ ] up that I rather be in a forest or in a war zone in Ukraine and together with my family because it feels safe I mean that's wrong programming right there I understand you know okay so um when my father was there and looking at me I was this whole universe he was flying ADHD as well and in the hippie times right and then the next time he will look this

way and another woman or something and for three months I would not exist and then I'll be focused again and all that I understand all these things and I talked to somebody specialist in PTSD and he said well you got early stage PTSD and for those of you who don't know about this it doesn't have to be one single explosion with limbs flying all over or car accident or something if you throughout your childhood experience constant um uh insecurity that the two people that you depend the most on This is life and death regardless of

how wealthy a family you come from I mean you can be a street child in Bangladesh and have two or older brothers who makes you feel safe and cheed for and makes you feed you whatever they have makes you feel safe and you know know they are there and you will not develop any kind of PTSD and then you can come from a wealthy country like mine with a loving heppie parents who was the early 20s in a time where everything was just thrown up in the air uh about how to be families and no

safety net for the kids you know where usually there would have been grandparents and all that uh and and just left us alone so so if you have that if you're a little child and you don't know who's been there tonight and feed you or will protect you against things and you're all alone from then you get [ __ ] PTSD if it's seral it's every [ __ ] day every week every something you're on your own from your little one once in a while and then you're in the search light so I realizing this

you know I know that I've Been Loved but I know as as well whenever I felt this overwhelming love from my father this 100% Focus that somebody With pgsd will give you when they're hyperfocused right uh that immense feeling tomorrow it will be completely gone and it will hurt 10 times as much as it was pleasant today so my programming to together with a lot of others is that what is nice is bad but it's not it's taken out of context you see your parents were your parents but your girlfriend is not your mother and

your friends are not your father yeah then I was sitting there and I was thinking about another thing and then I real then all of a sudden I felt my body starting again and this is the experience that was wilder than what I had in U in Iceland I felt my body beginning again those contractions and I was kind of like at this point I was done I mean I was so tired and I've contemplated and thought about and I learned what I was supposed to learn I learned like the circles I've been in for

a long time has been this pain rage uh pain anger and sorrow and now I'm kind of on next phase which was what hate uh remorse forgiveness and I was wondering how many cycles do I maybe have to do this and I and I knew one thing I had one big feeling is that next level for me is to accept Other 's love to let other people love me it's really hard for me it makes me feel so [ __ ] weak and it's still I I'm not there yet it's really hard for me and

I can have my children next to me and they're sitting next to me and sometimes when they really love me I want to push them away because it's too much I mean that actually which is horrible thing I don't do it but inside of me it's like I it's like oh I can't this is too much that that is that is so wrong it's so I I I need to learn to trust that is not going to destroy me to let people love me that's the last lesson I kind of got there right and then

I get this tickling up my legs and I feel what's going on I feel my body is doing this the same things and I'm wondering because I'm done I I learned everything I can possibly learn in one day right and and and I'm just but then I'm just like okay buddy if you need to do this you can have it it's it's all yours I'm not gonna because usually when it happens I can't help but thinking you're drama queen I mean you're just making this you you're doing this for attention you need other people to

come there and hug you when you're doing all This because you so you're inventing this you're doing it on purpose yeah I always thought that and I can feel yeah you can control it and no I can't or well let it go you know I have all these thoughts but this time there's no thoughts there's no judgment it was just okay you need it the body is yours and then I get this strange experience where as it kind of takes over my legs I stop feeling them I can't control them I don't feel them it's

like they are no longer a part of me and then it moves up through my belly and the same happens up through my chest and I stop breathing and it moves up in my neck I can't feel my neck my arms stop functioning I can't feel my arms it moves up in my face and I'm just being pushed out of my face and I remember thinking uh can I blink and I couldn't blink and then I realize that I think I'm having a heart attack I think I'm [ __ ] dying because that explains all

these cramps and all my I could see my wife sitting there and then I just I feel so sorry for my kids that they now anyway is going to live without that Dad and I feel I feel sad about leaving them behind but on the other hand I feel it's okay I really Feel it's if okay if I'm dying now it's it's okay I'm sad about it but it's okay and then I kind of float up and then the whole roof the whole ceiling become just white everything's just white around me and then I have

this incredible experience that I cannot explain but it was just I saw I saw with my entire being with my eyes and my hearing my senses I saw everything around her like this big big um field of of organic energy just floating in between each other like huge huge branches of organic energy just floating in between each other slowly Everlasting ancient just flowing in between each other it was everywhere through everything in everything a part of all life on this planet and I was just like it was so beautiful and I was just like and

I was just like wow and I was just like what do you think it is I have no clue I think I think yes I do I think it's you do I mean I think it's life huh you can call it a God you can call it whatever you want I just think it's something as simple as life I got a word with me for me and for everybody else maybe I don't know but I got this one word two words one was it's okay it's Okay I got this feeling through my entire body that

it's it's okay it's okay and then the next thing was that everything is okay everything is exactly as supposed to be not just in me but everything that's happening your election the whole world everything that's going on everything is exactly as it's supposed to be there's not Ten Commandment or a lot of words or nothing it's just relax everything is as it's supposed to be I just felt that you know if you really absorb that that truth that perhaps we're going in this direction because we need to as humanity and there is a huge lesson

at the end of it for us that we need to learn to become the next level maybe that's it because I think that's how we always develop right so I'm I'm just thinking the message is just don't worry everything is exactly as supposed to be and it was just and I just got back to myself and I remember my my wife she was just just sitting there with me and she's just oh were gone along I've been away like 40 minutes or so and I was just been laying there like said you just like whoa

whoa it was crazy it was outer worldly it was it was profound and I don't know What else to say that I just I just want to say to uh everyone in the world you know everything is okay so what what I'm talking about is that I feel and this tremendous anger in your in this country you know we always have about one side of other one side and the other side all these things just a lot of anger we and and I I just got that feeling you know that you know uh how to

if you have a pendula it needs Force to swing it needs a pull and a push without energy it will just hang in the middle right so right now the pendular is over to the right to speak that way right it's been pushed there and it's been pulled there many reasons and I do understand all the pain that a lot of people in this country feel same pain and the thing is pain makes you feel strong if you if you it's not sorrow no it's pain it's yes but no it is really sorrow that's what

I think it is sadness it's sorrow it's this deep sadness about a lot of things manifested in anger because that makes people feel strong right then your reaction is the exact same but in the opposite direction you want to fight this you wanna you w to you know you wanna you wan to Oh you get all these anger on the other side the problem is that is still energy to the pendula so if you want that pendula to stop then you have to be the ocean you have to be the water you have to absorb

it and the way to be able to do that is to realize everything is exactly as supposed to be if you do that your anger disappears then it's gone thing will happens thing will change change old men who wants to build a legacy in a for and mousum and so on they they will be gone I mean tell me about you know fourth generation down your great grandmother so what what is Legacy Legacy is is a is a lot of things right but it's not a mum that's not worth anything so so that's the thing

right Legacy will be to uh to change this all that anger just absorb it just be the ocean just absorb that energy I mean that's that's that's it everything is exactly supposed to be everything is okay man no actually it's it's fun when you're saying all the time because you know you know this talk about masculinity now now you're composing yourself and all that it's like I You know I'm here half crying my I'm here half cry my [ __ ] eyes out I'm literally grabbing pictures of this is Loretta I mentioned her in the

first episode this is from 1946 look at that this is World War II just ended she was a nurse my pop pop served in the South Pacific look at the back of the date that's my bashka she grew up on the Black Sea and was put in camps and this picture is her with her arms wide you get a shot of that that's the first time where I could feel in that picture that she could relax what and that's a freaking Lake in South Jersey I'm I'm from a a little armpit town man that's a

cedar bog Lake and she's looking like it's the Caribbean that's Legacy Legacy is in the women that I found are honestly the the my strength you taught me this just now this was a test for me I love the one M back forth thing I think podcast should be it's your it's your turn now you wanna yeah exactly like yeah you got the word because then thing is listen isn't it yeah yeah but it's been a really great being allowed to be here in your podcast and I think not that I necessarily want to round

it up but I still think that oh I forgot one Important story yeah because this is back from Greenland remember I had that Shaman there in the camp yes so this is actually very important and this is why I think we are together again as well because um uh the next day she want to gather everybody from the camp she said I want to make a session for everyone so you can kind of try it and stuff and and everybody participated and it was this drum thing and people got different experiences somebody didn't feel anything

and others were like crying afterwards you know just d d d and we're going down and and all that and actually it worked on me I went down this Lake but then my ad remembered that in this Lake when I was child I dropped a knife and then I start searching for it and obviously I never got any further than that but afterward she said uh um I tricked you all because this was not about individual you I know that you are in financial problems um and that you don't have enough guests here in the

camp so I wanted to ask the spirit for help uh so that that's what I used you for and they were happy that you finally asked because if you don't ask for help then People cannot give you help you have to be willing to accept help to receive it right so um so I asked and they told me that they are really they love your project they love everything you're doing here and the direction because we always our main mission with what we're doing in Greenland is we want to change the world one head of

a time that's that's Legacy right it doesn't have to have my name on it no and that's so I thought that it had to have your name on it I think like I was just at Grant's Tomb Grant tomb what about but that's vanity America's tomb what about if if you have to have your name on your legacy then opportunity to change them yeah sure who knows every generation has I don't know I don't have the anwers every generation has you're wiser than me no I just older no but hear me out age doesn't necessarily

come with wisdom wisdom is something that you described that you had to really look at those parts of yourself the ones you shared with me off camera too the ones I shared with you off camera in my kitchen we we talked earlier about um another thing what I came to realize I was having this conversation I I Was looking at my demon and I spoke to it like it was a 5-year-old child which is emotionally I guess it is H and I feel it's over here this dark thing dark powerful thing and I've always been

suppressing this thing you know not allowing it out of the forest not allowing it in my house H now I've and then I had this conversation I said you know I'm sorry I did all this and I even tried to kill you but now I know that you were only protecting me and and from now on I'll will take care of you right and I just got this huge feeling of Sorrow when that when I had that conversation that was early on so I had lots of conversation with that side of myself I'm trying to

embrace it and I realize it has saved my my life literally to be able to tap into that immense anger and stuff but then I realized I've only allowed that side of me out and that context in a in a in a in a violent context or an angry context I never let it out when I was just happy or one day I was looking at my beautiful wife and I felt lost for her like whoa what's happening you know and I could feel it that part of me that demon kind of part of me

waking up and instantly I Was suppressing it so so even you know sex for me has been very academic very visual very controlled in a way wow so everything in my life has been controlled even that part so was I thought I was a good lover because I I know how to do all these things but but I didn't know I didn't know that if you if you dare let that thing go loose you know so I was standing there and I felt this thing and I thought tune in and turn on you know and

I let my demon out to discover it's absolutely not necessarily a demon and afterward she was like whoa what happened there you know perhaps the best sex we had my whole relationship because it was so passionate and it was so full of everything and it was so wild I was I was I was so [ __ ] wild so just for me to discover you know that you can you can let that energy out without destroying everything around you that it can actually be super Pleasant and love loving and everything that was that was a

strange discovery that it is not only rage that my demon is not only rage by the way do you know where demon the word demon comes from in the old old ancient Greek they all believe they have a a Dem diamon So diamon is like an outer world uh godly power bestowed to each and every one of us that can come in many shapes so if you are good at um farming it could be that you could just your your Farms will just grow like anything else because you were God given with these talents right

but you know Warriors too had a diamon and when that came out obviously the the opposing Force thought it was not a very pleasant thing to experience so that's why it became this demon and and and no doubt that that the my diamon is a very passionate one and is a very violent one is probably a is a warrior right so that's that has been very hard for me to control in a very peaceful world and and growing up I was I would only allow it out under those circumstances so I'll go look for it

but to discover that it can come out in all sorts of settings that is not violent that is really completely new world I was sitting one they had this conversation it was I wanted to suppress it the side of me and then I had this weird feeling all of a sudden somebody's speaking through me somebody's dictating me what to say it's not really me and then I realized oh there's actually I got two voices in I got two kind of person persons in me I got this emotional this one and then from here on my

left side I pulled out this other person this other child the dark and the light child and this child is pure logic pure uh cunning pure uh you know and has been speaking through my mouth like you have two children like my daughter she was very emotional my son is very logical and one day I saw him standing there behind me still poking at her and she was all mad and I was yelling at her for being so unreasonable with her brother and then I saw the reflection in a in the window I could see

how he was manipulating my whole story and I kind of pulled him out say what yeah but the fun thing is the same happened inside my brain and the same happens inside your brain I I bet you but I never knew so once I got that other person out there in front of me all of a sudden I real I felt me and me is not a voice in my head me is when there's quiet in my head that's the true me and then I have these other two people the ones that you want to

kill and all that you're all that you're talking about is helping you both of them as helping me As I had both of these kids out in front of me and say I see you both you know I see you both and thank you cuz I need your cunning and I need your coldness sometimes I need your anger and I need your passion and compassion and all that sometimes but you know I am the adult I'm [ __ ] 51 years old I'm on this right now and you can safely go with me I'll take

care of you and I will show you a different world that you've seen before I'll take care of you so for me to keep those two voices in my head out there in front of me and knowing they don't represent me but they are helping me you you have to get them out there you just have to you have to stop listening to them and then you have to pull them out in front of you and see them for what they are helpers but children that need guidance you are the adult right you are the

adult those voices in your head logical and emotional they're just children and you know if you look down at it you got the right and left brain half right one is emotional the other one is log iCal and then underneath somewhere you are right so it's basically I just think it's a projection of how your brain works And and the layer you got between reality or whatever you think this is and then and then who you are is the frontal Lopes of your brain is like right on left hand side there the emotions and the

logic and that's how you kind of interpret the world around you through them but underneath that's where you are that's what you got to find that talks down to another thing I I think that you know in my eyes my parents were Gods when I was a little child of of obviously they fell from the fell from the sky at some point but when I was a little child and I was 100% dependent on my parents they could do nothing wrong they are Gods Gods make no mistakes so who who can I blame for not

being loved for not being seen for being unwanted and in the way who can I blame for that if not that little [ __ ] boy that didn't do what's needed to be done in order to be loved by the gods basically that's that's why and I blamed myself for all these years for not being good enough for not doing the right things and not because my gods didn't like me you know I never faced that thing and that's the same thing with you and the same thing with Millions others Really is that you you

have to kind of deep down into those you know and just realize that you know you cannot hate yourself for that because you were at no fault you were a child and everything that happened to you back then it was the fault of your parents they should have stopped it they should have done differently they failed their responsibility nothing to do about it right now other than to learn it and then knowing that when I react like I'm reacting it's because it's programmed into my little child brain that in order to survive I have to

react like this but now times have changed the context has changed context has changed you're no longer that little boy you can do different but you need to know why why you want to do these things that you want to do right now I mean right now even now I want to run away from my family we got finally got a house I love a place I love to live our company is going well because the shman was right she told me they want help you money will come don't worry everything is working that way

right but I want to run away more than ever I'm not I'm standing still and I'm waiting for the clouds to clear and I'm sure I will find my way home to my family I have acknowledged that this show and that's the thing with this I didn't know what it was when we made it what if this show is me learning from the wisest of the wise I see a man who has figured it out and recently because of the conversation that we had that other morning in the park you remember that you remember how

that uh called you my father and I meant it I've I've spent so many decades saying stuff I don't mean and hearing your story made me realize I cannot wait to go to my youngian analyst after this man I'm going to unpack a lot of stuff because I honestly don't have the answers right now and it's like yeah I look at that guy who's ruling us now and maybe I should have Compassion maybe just maybe even at 70 something years old Your Shadow can still be driving I mean obviously the Shadows are driving that obviously

and I'm not saying that from a place of either side um thank you that's actually what I had in mind coming here that was the story that I think might be useful I mean I've told it to others obviously and I whenever I tell to somebody who has the same pain first of all might help people To just talk about it I mean there's no shaming in uh in it like this little voice inside people's head telling them you're not don't complain no don't explain don't complain just pull yourself together that at some level it's

actually okay you should not you should not listen to that voice this is something very important with the psychedelics because I'm not going to share my full experience because I'm not ready but hearing yours mirrored mine almost to a tea where I had a profound experience and then the other night after I did two sessions and the other night I had the Shadow the darkest I was I felt like it could have been 10,000 years man and that was in August and it's now January it's been six months and my family had to deal with

the fact that I didn't have a mentor who was versed in these plants because the reverence that we have to have for them we don't understand yet maybe so I hope someone watching this might understand but I have unfortunately had some really the shadow of the little boy came up and even hearing hearing your story mirrors mine to a tea and you know that that's what we spoke About that's why you're here you're not here for the podcast yeah that's great but you were here to save me man I didn't either until literally sitting here

and just shutting up and listening to your story my whole life I've made things on the internet that were built upon that child because it's the it's the easiest thing man it's the same story again it happened because it was supposed to happen if everything you're done you're done because that's that's your journey and the question is just what you are you ready to learn from it I mean I think if that is what what makes difference between men is are you willing to learn from things that happens in your life you you know there

you know like there's so many people when something happens in their life they P point on external factors for why they are where they are in their lives and then there are a few who says yeah this happened but what what did I do to put myself in that position I mean what can I do differently moving forward even if it was external then what can I learn from it and that that's people who Are developing through a life that's somebody who's living their entire life and maybe it's not for everyone I don't know because

there's there's there's a lot of comfort and just being ignorant and just no home for the news and don't participate and there's a lot of comfort and just having the same Christmas holiday with the same people or living the same house and not going out of the neighborhood not traveling not exploring you know there's a lot of it's very comfortable to the point where you know it's not anymore and then you die and then that was it what you said about the Christmases and the Comfort I think it reaches the point where we hold on

and I'm speaking from experience I'm living this right now that's why this hit me so hard it becomes so it becomes so much work to hold on to this version of us that doesn't serve us when the new version is right there it's right there and we get glimmers of it and then you know what the the little boy comes back out and tears it down it's like oh my gosh okay again like you said it's a process and my therapist Harry Fogerty always says it's like when I had My experience down there in Columbia

I chewed off a piece that maybe was too big for me but he told me that our souls don't sign up for things that we can't do life is supposed to be hard that's the beauty of it and I'm seeing that now where I shared with everyone here what happened to me last night I don't need to share it on this podcast the courage it took me to come here ground myself with my dog do deep breathing take a scolding hot shower and then turn it the cold and all right pray to my ancestors you

saw I had my altar set up I prayed I lost track of time those are now the things that I have to take that big that big meal that I had down there in Columbia with the help and again it's not it's not alone with the help of my therapist Harry who is he's a youngi analyst and not many people know what that is and we'll probably do an episode on that at some point we have to find and maybe he'll come on who knows but I I every time I go into his office I

I chew off a little chunk of it and sometimes that chunk it might mess me up for a few days after sometimes that chunk it goes right through like you said the open Channel but I keep Going back and I keep biting off little pieces until one day I'm see but I'm seeing the future and that gives me hope in your story just now I hopefully saw my future where I can have a family I couldn't I know for I can say this and I can say it on camera I know I couldn't have been

a father if and that's the thing you said everything happens for a reason the Divine whatever you want to call it Source God everything happens for a reason and I used to beat myself up I shared with you in depth about my childhood and again no one likes a pity party no one likes trauma dumping especially if I'm the host like my job is to give you the mic and that takes what you said on the Rock to me I was so tense and all you told me to do was and how hard that was

for me even to sit here slouched over we Milan and I had the idea oh we're going to film this in suits we're going to and we try the the beauty is we I'm working with a team right now of creatives that is willing to throw paint on the canvas we're probably going to make a mess I hope we make a mess I got some I just I like painting hopefully we make a mess Now you told me this man I I don't know if we had I don't know if you said this in the

beginning we've had so many great conversations over this trip you told me and this stuck with me and that's why I'm like I want you on my show because people need to hear your story I resonate so deeply with this you said man always want to fix my whole life I thought I could muscle it and and again I had no idea why men want to fix it when what if what if it's just being heard what if it's Gathering all the data like you've just outlined to me you've outlined what I get from you

is you have an immense self-awareness you have an immense knowledge of yourself what they I know who so crates Plato know thyself is the the the Ancients knew this the Ancients maybe knew a little more than us and you said this I think as a civilization we're at a bit of a I was going to say dead end but we are at a a choice and this is again my my youngian analyst it's all about Duality it's about you know you and I were cut from the same cloth we had really bad things happen to

us when we were really young and we're both big guys you know we're walking around this This world now in these big bodies but like you said it's the light little boy and the dark little boy the Shadow and the light that's all there is and darkness does not exist without the thing is we have these metaphors so you you make it dark you make dark evil and all that it's not necessarily evil it can be even the light can be if you're only only thought and no compassion isn't that even more evil so so

I think both the light and the and the dark has the ability to be both good and evil right and those who believe in the Bible can tell about how how evil Gods sometimes are right oh let's let's just this man and this woman live and two animals from everything because I'm tired of them you know in my opinion that's that's pretty evil you know you know what I think it's it's uh the the most raw and authentic kind of love that you gave me the courage to realize that I can be man enough to

say to you that I love you enough that even if I love you that much if you're not happy I'm willing to say let call it quits you want to go to your parents House I'll get you an Uber you want to stay in this hotel tonight I'll go stay in the the rat infested apartment how can I help you after serving myself for so long that's why I started this and it took me immense courage I you I was squirming man it's very hard for me to sit still it's like you said going out

in the woods it's funny you say that because where I grew up in South Jersey it's a town called epsin Little Town by the creek and I had a forest behind my house swamp and you what you said hit me so hard about the tree fort and you be out there in the poring rain and that was where you felt at home maybe just safe yeah but think about how false that is where you you said you know come on in we have a bed made for you and that's why I have my grandmother here

because when my when my parents got divorced uh they had you know I can't judge them totally you and I have to disagree because a lot of times we judge our parents so hard but they're a product of their parents and that's where ancestry does come in sure does but it's it's every generation's Duty and obligation to change it but think about That otherwise we don't move forward right there no excuse yeah it's an explanation but it's not an excuse and that's the thing accountability is missing today um and and it it takes living it

to be able to share it and that's why you know I got sober 1 159 days ago and it took me almost over four years quitting alcohol was the first part I mentioned in the first episode and now I can actually go a little deeper it was the first first time you're penting this dog he saved my life man you talk about PTSD he's a service animal I didn't even realize brother I I'm we're the same I don't even have to say it because they heard you say it my silence says when when my favorite

moments we have are when we're silent yeah accidentally took two microphones again I like them when we just had one so well it took me a moment to realize okay I really want to pay attention yeah yeah more than I want to speak and that's I think I don't want to get political but that's a on the world scale that's a thing you know and it's it's it's okay to to say these things everyone because everyone's thinking it I was sitting you know We're talking about these things about things happens for a reason to accept

the fact that that might be true you know I was sitting this was just two days before you called me because we kind of the thing what happens once you start earning money right and they start pouring and you kind of get sometimes you lose sight of why you're doing stuff and we were kind of losing a little bit sight of why we were doing stuff yes like we we're doing this to change the world one at of a time I mean that's that's why we are there um but because we've been first we were

hit by covid then there was no never really managed to pull through so it's been really really hard years then when money starts pouring in that becomes your focus how can we earn more how can we make it bigger and I was sitting just here two or three weeks ago realizing we're losing track of why we're doing this and why we have the support uh that's because you know we're supposed to have more people coming to the camp getting that opportunity to connect with nature because I think that's the greatest thing we got lost now

walking around New York I I'm realizing you know how crazy it is that we We perceive this as being real it's really just a projection of our wild wildest fantasy right uh and what when I'm out there in Greenland in the in the Raw nature I'm reminded about reality right and I think I think what it gave me was the was a space where I could not not feel myself yes Greenland is is truly the biggest mirror for the soul and you either like what you see or you don't but you have to you you

are being faced with and I think as you said everything all this happens it didn't happen in the down in Ecuador for you it happened when you were visiting me in Greenland that is that is where where the change started for you right and I and I kind of want to yeah sure cuz then when you quit Baseline that's that's very important because that's when you decided I want to feel again yes basically wow so and then you came to Greenland and you were there you changed my life on that trip and hopefully hopefully we

can encourage others to to to come and get the same feeling or if I mean if if you're sitting there feeling lost and don't know you don't even know you're feeling lost but you just feel like something is a missed then um I really hope we Could get somebody to come join us and uh and have that experience and spread the word because then I can be true to my commitment to the spirits for this place that that is what we're doing and this is why we're doing it right so it's called noad Greenland and

if you guys ever want to come and find something you never knew you lost then Eric and I is putting together a trip around 21st of June solist yeah because that's you know you got the Midnight Sun and it's special beautiful and we're going to do something similar obviously if you are heavily PTSD uh on your [ __ ] before uh actually like I wish I would have spent more time start to cut you off I wish I would have maybe consulted Harry Moore my therapist and I was afraid to to to Really yeah I

was afraid it was fear I didn't share and I I want to I want to sell your company I I I know you feel uncomfortable and that's why you are the man to lead this you're the man to lead what we're envisioning is this Summit it's called the Greenland Summit I guess whatever we call it I like the word summit because for me you opened my mind to again Greenland is a mirror for the soul and I loved A lot Of it but there was stuff that I had a dream I told you about this

did I tell you about this the dream I was a little es I was a little I was a boy oh yeah yeah yeah yeah you told me remember so um in in in one of un's Camp the northern Camp there's um a beautiful a beautiful Bay right yeah and it faces the South Sak Sak Sunny Side Sunny Side faces the South and and and there was these uh burials we don't know how old they are oh probably very old more than thousand years I would guess tens five I don't no one knows maybe someone

watching can know but they they had Liv in more than a thousand years most likely you showed me them and there was skulls in there and then that night Patrick you know Patrick and I uh we wanted to see the lights because it's very rare for us down here to see them you know you know me me is always posting on Instagram I'm like wow you I know she knows what it means but are the Northern Lights it was the river of the souls man I was I was there with Patrick and uh it was

funny because I was freezing I was being I was like I'm so cold and Pat was like can we stay a little longer yeah Can we stay longer and Pat's not a spiritual guy can we stay Eric you can go back I I'm like you you want my flash yeah and he stayed and then that next day when you were putting us through the the work all that you know the beautiful work um and I saw the skull I saw two of them and I felt the same feeling that you speak about when you speak

about your ancestors I can't explain it and that's probably a good thing I felt the Resonance of oh my God that was probably two lovers a husband and a wife who who knows child and a mother and then I had these dreams when I came back when I came back I was a wild man I wanted to sleep on the floor I'm like I hate the city that's why we moved up here to Central Park yeah I need to stand Barefoot on a rock in the morning some mornings I need that and I have the

curs to say yeah that's not a that's not a that's not a um a weakness that's like I'm so strong that I know I can cut out these things pushed Upon Us in society and and and it's so it's so weird because people look at you you know I'm in Birkin sock right now it's winter people why you got your shoes out it's the 10 Degrees I need to feel the cold and the Earth no we really wanted you just want to feel your body yes so that's it thank so so that's that's that's what's

happening you start feeling your body then you start connecting and then that's it right so that that's that's why that that's your your way is a lot more peaceful I I when I would stand in a bar and then this idiot would walk through and you see he's looking for a fight I'll make sure he hit me on the way because that's how I felt my body that was that was whenever I broke something then I then I felt it right when somebody hit me I felt it that was the most Pleasant times you know

that's the only way I could feel so I think the thing about the ice and the saer uh if if you're disconnected with your body is probably a much better way than than my way so for sure yeah so so um I think you since this is about building legacies and when we talk about that we often think about Great Men you know I had a really great man in the camp the first one who came to our camp uh really great in the in the in the in the sense that we usually perceive when

we talk about great men in our times right he He he he built a company from a a garage to 4,000 employees and I think it was four billion euros turnover and he produced essential components for um our GPS navigational system it's a German big guy and and he was the one who wanted the camp I yeah I owe him we owe him so much for for coming so he he was requesting attended experience because you remember when he was a young teenager uh his father would uh take him out into the forest and that

was where they kind of connected I guess so he wanted to reenact that experience with his children before they were too old but his wife was quite comfortable or and probably tense for a little bit if you could make it much nicer yeah clamping you clamping yeah before it really existed right so we we created this whole camp for him and made heated beds and own private bathroom chefs flown and all that so we made a crazy setup for him and he paid a tremendous amount of money and I remember when he arrived he was

this big bigger than me person in many ways and he was and he was walking down there and then his the special weirdo looking phone were calling and you know and everything stopped his Family pulled away we everybody had to give him like this bubble of confidence confidentiality where nobody could hear what he was talking about and then and then he hung up and then he looked up like oh realizing that everything has stopped and said he was very polite and he was not arrogant or anything so he was like I'm sorry about this it's

just you know it's satellites and um and um I have to answer this phone and we are on holiday please proceed and I'm sorry about that it's very humble in reality which usually the greatest men are aren't they so then we went through the F it's about one and a half hours sale where there's no infrastructure there's no nothing in between the oldest mountains on the planet to the camp and we get to the area next morning he's standing out there early morning discussing with somebody I think it was your beloved Elon Musk I'm not

completely sure but he was talking about some components of maybe for SP SpaceX or maybe was some Italians I don't really recall it I like the version where Elon Musk it sounds better right so anyways he's standing there talking to him he's a little bit Aggravated then he hangs up and then he's just looking over the F we have this beautiful view uh with a mount Mountains and the ice and all that and he stand there for a long time and then he turns around aware of my presence and he looks at me and say

four billion years old mountains I mean mind you the planet is 4.6 years old billion years old right so it's always from the dawn of time is I feel I mean my 60 years it feels like completely insignificant in the in the time scope of these mountains that I'm standing in between you know and we got thousand years old Northern ruins right next to the came I just feel like what am I what is it I believe that I'm achieving he start questioning everything he said I feel I'm so far away from everything I don't

really feel I can do much about nothing and you know and I I said well I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't be 4,000 employees if you didn't have some really good Executives they're probably having a field day now you're gone right they will excel in your absence you know if you you want to grow let it go right and then he laughed and he said you know what can you hold my phones and uh so H I took his phones and he went out on a trip he was gone all day and then when he

got back in the evening completely transformed person completely I'm telling you he was present at the moment he was looking not 10% at his son like with 100% attention uh and pinching his wife's butt going up the hill uh and you know at dinner the son was saying dad are you high have you been smoking or something you see he Li liked it but he was super confused about what what's going on what what is going on here and what's wrong with that and when we saw that we knew that this is what we want

to do I mean this is what we want to work with we saw this huge transformation this family is going through so that is what we want to do now to the Legacy part this man he was so appalled to see how much plastic wage was on our beaches we went to these remote beaches nobody's been for 50 years we can take away three or four big plastic bags of plastic right really yeah washed up from Shores some local some definitely not local but he was so appalled by this plastic and this is back in

2016 and so he went home and as far as I know he he banned all single use plastic in his Company and he start moving towards you know getting a ban on single-use plastic in Europe whether it's him or other that succeeded I don't know it doesn't really matter but for me that is building Legacy you know he comes to this place we talk about things he feels n because if you're just observing it you don't invest in it you can see horrible things on television and you don't invest in it but if you've been

there yourself you cannot not do anything about it right so so once you've been there and you felt nature you you feel that I'm obliged to do something for this this place to to leave a a legacy for our children which is the planet to live on right I mean there's no greater no greater Monument than a healthy place to live for our ancestors so so if you're talking building Legacy then that is what I'm envisioning is that that people take away the ego that don't need a name on a plate that's the problem with

all these old uh leaders that we have Putin Trump whoever is that they're really just thinking about the biggest mousum that they can have that people remember them forever and in that process they'd forget about everybody else right So I think a real Legacy is spreading something that makes rings in the water that changes thing profoundly doesn't carry your name would just have huge impact on our future possibilities to be on this planet to make this place a better better place right I think that's that's really that's a real Legacy so this guy he will

never think have his name on anything regarding single us plastic but he might have just be the person who's now responsible for us having a ban in Europe soon on single-use plastic right that's a [ __ ] Legacy and it doesn't carry his name what strikes me about that is how humble you are that you're saying it doesn't carry his name but you were the spark that brought him to those mountains that made him put the phone down that made him pause like I paused when I was up there I I had I was confronted

with them as you I don't need to share it man again not for me yeah but I I'll do a solo episode or something not not to dismiss but like obviously that was a deflection that's um this this stuff is heavy that we're talking about and I want everyone to realize that that it is heavy but I'm just Thinking about you brought him there and you have the humility and the humbleness to not even take you you changed my life you changed that guy's life and again you can change we're doing this Summit you know

it's it's you're formulating it I kind of we we both kind of dream this thing up and here we are yeah um you invited me I I asked the universe said I need help to stay on course right and then you call me two days later and say hey I want to make a podcast about that experience you know so I'm just I'm just literally I'm just I have no business plan for once in my life I'm just I'm just picking up all the things that happens in front of me knowing that if I go

that course it will probably end up good you know a little bit the same as you I mean we we do have to fuel the engine in this world we're living in we do need fuel for it I do need guest in my camp we do need economy right so do you I mean you're making a a tremendous jump and by the way very coincidentally when I was 35 that is actually that's actually a little bit of a that's perhaps the other story but when I was 35 like you I had built a company like

you hugely successful a lot of employees huge Turnover I lived in a apartment in Copenhagen with a 10- year younger Girlfriend by the way um and uh everything was working sorry fiance and everything was just working my way I was traveling 260 days a year uh I was getting more and more fat and gray and miserable uh and then um yeah and my father died I just worked my ass out of it so every pain I felt is just I was just working instead of feeling right in a boating accident the worst thing is I

C had this clear feeling the night before he died that he would sail out and he he would die my my brother he dislocated his shoulder this before it really took off for me we were living in a basement under a bingo hall because I just went bankrupt with another company so I I was completely down and then I was my brother came home from rosilla Festival dislocated his shoulder he was there and I thought about calling my father but I was too proud wow so I didn't and then I had this feeling that because

it was storming and I knew he was going to go sail the next day and I thought I have to call him because he's idiot enough to go out sailing but I was too proud to call him so it didn't and he Went out and he died together with his girlfriend and obviously I I BL myself a whole lot for that I'm sorry to hear that it's I needed it to learn he did that for me to learn now I know it sounds crazy but that's the truth right I'm so sorry to hear it it

was incred he was my so I mean I didn't my earliest memor is my mother sailing away on a ferry when I was four right so so he was my Sole Provider and it so it was really really hard and especially because I never reconciled with him it's a lot of pain in that story too now I'm 35 hugely success gray and missable and I sell to or I have this company producing smoke cabins takes away the smoke called called Smoke solution I don't own anything there yet but uh go look at it so um

or not yet any longer I sold it in 2009 worst possible time because in 20 in 2009 I went to Greenland to put up a smoke cabin and I landed in Greenland and instant when I landed there I felt peace I felt this I felt like outer peace and people were greeting me coming back I had had been there 10 years prior like oh there you are don't you want to come for dinner and I felt at home like nowhere else and uh And then I went to this Christmas party and then my now wife

was there yeah so I sold my company worst possible time for a fraction of its value because nobody wanted to buy it I had to sell it to my partner I quit my whole life in Denmark and I went to Greenland I completely this old person of me this all the [ __ ] I've done all the crimes all the violence all the things that I've done I just kind of parked it and I just I just died I just killed that person and I went to Greenland and um I mean she got pregnant and

and then all of a sudden I was this father with children living this life in in Greenland I mean it's very much the same Journey just just not as emotional violent as yours because I didn't take everything at once MH wow when you're taking everything at once I took small steps I it took me 5 10 years just to get to the point where I could acknowledge that I felt guilt about my father's death because I kind of felt that I knew about it to some really clever old woman told me are you God because

only Gods can change the destiny of man you know all of us we are like have this little grains of sand in this hourglass and one day it just runs out Nothing you can [ __ ] do about it and if you think you could have changed your father's amount of sand in his hourglass you must be God are you God and I realized how omnipotent that it sounded and and she she Set Me Free from the guilt right but that took me five years then I spent another five years having crazy experience with my

wife where I got really jealous I didn't kill the bastard but uh I just got cold next morning I had my first Out of Body Experience um uh I'm listening to music on Spotify and all of a sudden I realize oh I can listen to music from when I was a child maybe it's there and I look up this psychedelic music that my father listened to this Kar this Japanese Centier guy and I'm listening to it I'm just flying home to that house next to the forest I'm eight or nine years old and I'm so

sad I'm just I'm just so in pain and so sad but I'm there as an adult as well and I'm and I know why I'm sad and then I'm back in my own body and my wife is holding me I'm actually crying this is the first time she ever seen that and and uh and have these two big words with me you know unwanted and in the way that is the Pillars of my self-worth mind you that the huge difference between self-worth and self-esteem self-esteem you buildt yourself but self-worth is kind of given to you

and that is what my parents gave me I was in the way and I was not wanted and and all my decisions all my relationships has been designed around uh me always wanted to affirm the truth of those those two pillars that I wanted to be affirmed that I'm unwanted and I'm in the way whenever I had ever somebody gave me that opportunity I will grab it right away because then I knew then I understood my world but I have children I have children I can never be unwanted and in the way in the eyes

of my children and yet I still searching for it that's [ __ ] up but knowing you know makes it possible for me to not run to stay put and let it run through me and then get hopefully to the other side but that was when I was 40 some so I'm not even there where I go to Iceland and I think that's the difference between you and my journey yours were really brutal and that is that is I told you before I've been a bit worried for you as well and the ones who have

seen you and your previous uh things that I think you Can be proud about I mean maybe it was Hollow maybe the message was what it was and you were doesn't matter you did something you can be proud about and it was it was pretty good work I mean from nothing to walking around those fancy big houses around the world and you make really great podcast that many people want to follow don't be ashamed of it I think it's really great work it might not be where you are now because that person has died like

my smoke cabin and that guy with all the money has kind of died and you might be a new one you know I died again in April I was reborn on the 21st of April and I'm a different person than I was one year ago and and that I was when I was 35 so I'm just worried because you you have so much paace on this you know so I know you you're talking about legacies and all I think it's super important to realize that that you know so what is a legacy what is it

really that you want to leave behind what is it really that the afterlife any any notion and thought that after people after this should remember your name and look it up in a big boat that is pure vanity if you really want to be a man then vanity is the Least you want to be known for so letting go of that give gives you freedom of time then you are not in a hurry then you can do the right things in the right pace and don't have to be too much either I want to share

another experience but uh but I told you about this childhood experience that defined me when I was a little child I was super afraid of dying perhaps because of everything that happened around me and my insecurity and feeling unsafe and all that but I was so afraid at very early age I realized the concept of dying and uh the thought of just closing my eyes and I'll be gone and it would all be over and I would just not exist anymore it terrified me and I could cry myself to sleep and and it would take

me three or four months before I kind of could not think about it whenever I want to fall fall asleep so it's a huge problem for me then when I was 10 or 11 I had this very Vivid dream um and I think this dream applies for everyone so you can pick it if you like it or you can leave it if you don't but I'm in this uh old old um living room you know like the great grandparents and it's super dark it's Kosh and Dark only light comes from this fireplace and I'm looking

around I'm just hanging there in the room just observing getting the atmosphere and then I see the light comes from this fireplace and then I see this huge Christmas tree like taking all the space in the room and around this Christmas tree there's lots of presents and I kind of realize is is we're getting to P Christmas but it's not Christmas yet maybe tomorrow or the day after tomorrow everything is getting ready but we not there yet and then all of a sudden I discover I'm not alone in the room I look down and I

See This Little Child crawling around underneath the branches next to the Christmas tree there and then picking up presents all curious can't wait for Christmas you all been there right yeah and then you can't help but peeking in discovering oh this is it you know putting it back forgetting about it another one he's shaking it and then it breaks you know oh [ __ ] put it back on loses interest and that is kind of fumbling his way through all the presents and in the process losing interesting in them and I'm kind of feeling like

oh it's really stupid I've done that my friend And Christmas is just not the same when you know what's in all the presents it's just not the same feeling right uh and then all of a sudden this child takes a present and then I realize what's going on this present is my life and the child is death and the child the death cannot see the life of the livings it has to wait till we die to we dead to see it and then I I look I I enter into the room and I said to

death you know what this is my present for you and please let it be if you just put it down under the tree and if you don't touch it again I will do whatever I can I will give you the best Christmas present I can possibly give you and death looks me straight in my eyes and it put my presents back under the under the tree and moves on and from that day on I have not felt fear for death and I have One Promise in my life to make this present as G good as

I can just be the best I can be whatever that might be it doesn't have to be grandio or World known or anything I just have to do right and I have to do the best I can do you know and I think if all of us do that if all of us just do what we know is right and try as hard as we can to be The best we can be this place would be a awesome place that's a very simple law it would be a very awesome Place sometimes I forget it times

pass Rhythm and I'm forget about you know I'm sitting there as a director in a telecommunication company and time just knocks out then I start feeling the fear again and then I remember oh I'm betraying my promise to keep on involving keep on being better you know go next level which is which is my promise so so so for if you can use it make your own own pack with death promise promise to make the best present that you can possibly do which is very simple do right and just be the best better version of

yourself that's all there is to it I think y I want to thank you for your honesty your vulnerability and your courage in sharing your story as authentically as I know you can because you shared with me many times if you're looking to follow Yun and Nomad Greenland all the links are down below in the social if you're watching this on YouTube if you're on Spotify head on over and check out the links and again uh we are doing the Greenland Summit of 2025 ideally on the summer solstice June 21st we'll have more Information for

signups and whatnot I imagine we'll see we'll see how this resonates and with that yeah thank you for everyone's time and yeah you will get there come here got the light yeah