Mom Didn't Invite Me to Her Wedding With New Husband Because She Called Me "Problematic & Mentally..

mom didn't invite me to her wedding with new husband because she called me problematic and mentally unstable like Dad so I showed up uninvited and crashed her wedding hi everyone I am Lindsay 21f and I need some suggestions so let's rewind a bit to where it all started my parents mom Marge 46f and Dad Sebastian 48m were like the typical 8s couple he was the laid-back guy who loved his music and she was the go-getter who worked hard and wanted everything done yesterday they met in college fell in love and before long they had me

I was their first kid and as far back as I can remember there was always this kind of simmering tension between them dad was the kind of guy who had Big Dreams and aspirations but was also prone to bouts of anxiety and depression he was always a bit of a Daydreamer and while that's great in theory it often left him feeling overwhelmed when things didn't go according to plan he'd get these intense episodes where everything felt like it was closing it on him and he just shut down it was like watching someone drown in slow

motion and as a kid I didn't really understand what was happening mom on the other hand was a whirlwind of energy she was ambitious driven and had this almost unrelenting need for control she was a natural organizer and wanted everything to be perfect and that included our family life her patience for Dad's struggles was let's say pretty limited instead of offering support she'd often make snide comments about how dad was lazy or unmotivated which obviously didn't help his mental health at all I remember one time she said in front of me you know if he

spent as much time actually doing something as he does worrying about it we'd probably have a yacht by now it was awkward because because I could see how much Dad was trying to keep it together he'd put on this Brave face but you could tell he was hurting and Mom's remarks though maybe not meant to be cruel felt like she was just pushing him further down I guess in her defense she had her own pressures and expectations and she didn't know how to deal with dad's issues in a constructive way as a kid I always

felt like I was walking on eggshells around mom she had this critical streak that made me second guess myself all the time I'd bring home a report card with mostly as in a single bee and she'd zero in on the be saying things like well well you could have done better if you actually tried it wasn't that she didn't care she did but her way of showing it was often through criticism rather than encouragement I think she thought she was motivating me but it just ended up making me feel inadequate so growing up I got

this mixed message from both parents dad was this loving guy who could be incredibly supportive but when he was down he was really down and mom was always there pushing me to do better but never quite satisfied it felt like no matter how hard I tried I could never quite meet her expectations the tension at home grew over the years and the cracks in their relationship became more visible dad's mental health issues were always there but they seemed to worsen as time went on Mom's frustration with him only added to his stress and it seemed

like a vicious cycle she would have these outbursts and dad would Retreat further into his shell their arguments would get pretty intense and I'd often find myself caught in the middle trying to mediate or just stay out of the way eventually things came to a head I was about 14 when they finally decided to separate I remember the day clearly there was this huge fight that started with something small like who was supposed to take out the trash and it escalated into a full-blown screaming match the house was tense and I could feel the energy

shift after that Mom sat me down and told me that they were getting a divorce it was surreal I'd heard them argue before but hearing that they were separating felt like the ground had shifted beneath my feet mom's reasons were always about Dad's inability to cope with life and how his mental health issues were just too much for her to handle dad was devastated he tried to put on a brave face but it was clear how much it was hurting him I tried to stay neutral but I couldn't help but feel a mix of anger

and sadness I was angry at mom for her harshness and at dad for not being able to fix things but mostly I felt lost the separation wasn't easy mom moved out and found a new place and Dad stayed in the house which was both familiar and strangely empty without her we did the whole back and forth thing for a while which was emotionally draining I'd spend weekends with Mom and the rest of the time with Dad it felt like my world was split in two and neither side felt like home anymore then a few months

after their separation something happened that turned everything upside down dad committed suicide it was a shock to say the least I don't know if you can ever really prepare for something like that one minute you're trying to navigate a new normal and the next you're hit with the devastating news that someone you love is gone forever it was a dark time Dad's passing left a gaping hole in my life and I was struggling to come to terms with it I remember feeling a mix of anger and confusion anger at him for leaving us in confusion

over how to deal with this overwhelming grief mom was obviously devastated too but her way of coping was to try and maintain a semblance of normaly she threw herself into work and her social life trying to keep busy to avoid dealing with the pain then as if things weren't complicated enough mom started seeing someone new it was a few months after dad's death when she introduced her new boyfriend to me at first I was hopeful that this new relationship might bring some stability into her life maybe she'd find happiness again and it would help us

all move forward however she soon broke up with him a few years ago she started dating someone new mom was excited about this new relationship and wanted everything to be perfect she started insisting that we all act a certain way in front of her new boyfriend she wanted us to be this picture perfect family as if we'd all magically forget about dad and his struggles it was a lot of pressure she'd constantly remind me to smile to act happy to be on my best behavior whenever her boyfriend was around it felt like she was more

concerned about making a good impression than actually dealing with the emotions we were all going through I tried to go along with it for a while but the facade was wearing thin I was still grieving and it felt like she was asking me to put on a mask and pretend everything was okay okay one day I finally snapped I told her that I couldn't keep pretending everything was fine and that her expectations were unrealistic given what we'd been through I still had not forgiven her for how she treated my dad needed to be honest about

my feelings and not have to hide them for the sake of appearances mom didn't take it well she got really upset and told me I was being selfish and ungrateful it was one of those moments where you realize that no matter how much you want to be understood sometimes people just aren't ready or willing to listen after that argument things changed drastically mom started excluding me from family events and Gatherings it felt like she was punishing me for not playing along with the image she was trying to create she'd still see me occasionally but it

was clear that our relationship was strained it was like she had drawn A Line in the Sand and I was on the wrong side of it things got even worse when I found out from my brother that Mom was engaged it was a bit of a shock because I hadn't heard anything directly from her we hadn't really been in touch much our conversations were sporadic and often awkward I wasn't sure how to approach her so I decided to reach out the best way I knew how I sent her a congratulatory text it was short and

to the point hey Mom I heard about your engagement congratulations I hope you're happy I figured that was a nice gesture you know just trying to be supportive and bridge the gap even though it felt like we were miles apart but here's the kicker she didn't respond not a word I didn't know what to make of it part of me felt hurt and confused but I also knew that our relationship was Rocky and maybe she was just dealing with her own stuff I tried to brush it off but it lingered in the back of my

mind then my brother filled me in on something that completely knocked me for a loop he told me that during the rehearsal dinner for mom's wedding she made a pretty big announcement apparently she had talked about why I hadn't been invited to the wedding and let me tell you it was brutal according to my brother mom had said in front of everyone the reason my name isn't here is because she's problematic and mentally unstable like Dad like daughter those words cut deep I was already struggling with my feelings about the whole situation and hearing that

mom had labeled me so harshly in front of her new family and friends was a gut punch it felt like she was publicly distancing herself from me and using me as as a scapegoat for her own choices it was like she was trying to make me the villain in her story and I couldn't help but feel crushed by it it was hard to process the fact that she was using my mental health struggles as a reason to justify not including me in her life it was like everything I had been through and the pain I

had felt was being used against me I felt invalidated and less important like my own struggles were being Twisted to make her look better or to fit a narrative she was trying to create that's when I started hatching a plan I'd always been a bit of a hotthead when it came to dealing with my emotions and in my mind this was a chance to make a statement I knew it wasn't healthy or productive but at that moment it felt like the only way to make myself hurt my idea was to show up at mom's wedding

reception and make a dramatic statement here's the thing I had access to something that might make an impact after dad died I've been going through his old things trying to sort through his belongings and find some sense of connection among his stuff I found a collection of Diaries these weren't just random scribbles they were detailed accounts of his life his thoughts and his struggles I read through them and it was eye openening dad had written extensively about how mom treated him poorly throughout their marriage how she was critical and dismissive and how it had affected

him deeply there were hundreds of pages detailing his emotional pain and the difficulties he faced I wasn't sure what to do with these Diaries at first part of me wanted to keep them as a way to remember dad and honor his memory but as I read through them and saw just how much he had endured I felt this surge of anger it seemed like an injustice that Mom was moving on so quickly and seemingly without any acknowledgement of the damage she had caused I thought that maybe sharing some of Dad's own words might shed light

on the reality of their relationship and make people see a different side of the story so I made the decision I was going to crash mom's wedding reception and make a statement I knew it was drastic but I felt like I needed to do something to be heard I wanted to confront the public facade she had built and let people see what was really going on behind closed doors the day of the wedding arrived and I showed up at the venue it was surreal walking into the reception hall knowing that I was about to stir

things up I could see Mom and her new husband greeting guests and everything looked like a scene straight out of a fairy tale the decorations were beautiful and everyone seemed to be having a great time but for me it was all just a mask for what I was about to reveal I found a moment when there was a lull in the festivities I waited until people were gathered around and the mood was a bit relaxed then I grabbed the microphone my heart was pounding in my chest but I was determined I cleared my throat and

said excuse me everyone I know this is a joyous occasion but I need to say a few words the room fell silent and I could feel the eyes on me I took a deep breath and began reading excerpts from Dad's Diaries I chose Parts where he talked about his with Mom's behavior and how he felt belittled and emotionally drained I read about the harsh words she used the demand she placed on him and the deep emotional tollet had taken it wasn't just about airing Dirty Laundry it was about showing the reality behind the marriage as

I read I could see the shock on people's faces some looked uncomfortable others were visibly upset mom's face was a mixture of disbelief and anger her new husband looked bewildered and I could see him trying to process what was happening the room's atmosphere shifted from celebratory to tense and heavy mom eventually came up to the microphone and tried to stop me but I wasn't done I felt like I needed to finish what I started I kept reading trying to convey the depth of Dad's pain and how it had affected our family I wanted people to

understand that there was more to the story than what mom had presented after I finally finished I handed the microphone back and walked out I didn't stick around to see the aftermath I knew I'd stirred up a lot of emotions and I didn't want to be there for the Fallout I just needed to get away and process everything in the days following I was flooded with messages and calls some were from people who were sympathetic others were from people who were angry or confused mom didn't reach out to me directly but I heard through my

brother and some mutual acquaintances that she was Furious she felt like I had completely disrespected her special day and she was also deeply hurt by the public exposure of her past behavior however things were far from done after the whole Fiasco at mom's wedding reception I was mentally and emotionally drained I felt like I made a mess of things and I needed some space to figure out what to do next so I decided to block mom's number and her social media accounts I figured that if she needed to reach me she'd find a way but

for now I couldn't handle any more drama a week went by and I was trying to get back to some semblance of normaly I was deep into a new project at work and focusing on self-care I wasn't expecting any news from Mom if anything I was bracing myself for a lot of anger and blame so it came as a shock when my brother called me one afternoon sounding a bit frazzled hey I don't know if you've heard but Mom's marriage ended he said almost as if he couldn't believe what he was telling me I was

stunned wait what what Mark left Mom how my brother didn't have all the details but from what he gathered it was pretty sudden apparently Mark had moved out just a few months into their marriage my brother didn't know the exact reasons behind the split but he mentioned hearing some vague things about disagreements and mounting tensions from what I could piece together it sounded like things fell apart quickly which made me wonder if mom's new relationship was as ideal as she'd made it out to be do you know if Mom's okay I asked genuinely concerned despite

everything that had happened my brother wasn't sure he said mom was putting on a brave face and trying to act like everything was fine but he could tell she was struggling it was clear that she was in a tough spot and it made me think about how much pain she might be in right now even though I was still hurt by how she treated me I didn't want to see her suffering after the call I sat there for a while trying to process the news part of me felt a sense of vindication like maybe this

was some kind of cosmic payback for everything that had happened but Another Part Of Me felt a Pang of sympathy it was clear that Mom was dealing with a lot and as much as I'd been hurt by her actions I knew what it was like to struggle with the Fallout of failed relationships I didn't reach out to Mom it was a complicated mix of emotions on one hand I wanted to be there for her but on the other hand I didn't want to make things worse by bringing up old conflicts or reopening wounds plus I

wasn't sure how she'd react after everything that happened at the wedding I was still blocked from her social media and didn't have her number unblocked yet however I didn't have to wonder for long last night she showed up at my door completely unannounced and in a state that was far from ideal I was in the middle of watching a movie when when I heard banging on my front door it was late and my first thought was that it must be a mistake or a prank but the knocking continued and it quickly turned into a loud

persistent banging I opened the door and there she was Mom stumbling around and clearly drunk out of her mind her hair was disheveled her clothes were rumpled and she reaped of alcohol I could smell the booze from a good 5 ft away she was making a scene in the hallway shouting and sobbing her words coming out in a slurry mess why'd you do this to me why'd you have to ruin everything she yelled her voice voice echoing through the hallway her eyes were bloodshot and she looked like she hadn't slept in days it was a

far cry from the composed Persona she'd tried to project during her wedding and subsequent marriage I knew I couldn't just leave her out there not only because she was creating a disturbance but also because she looked like she needed help I sigh and let her in hoping she'd calm down once she was inside I led her into the living room and tried to get her to sit down mom you need to calm down I said trying to keep my own frustration in check what's going on why are you so upset she ignored my my questions

and continued to rant her accusations bouncing off the walls you ruined everything I thought you were going to make things right but all you did was make it worse Mark left me because of you the more she yelled the more I realized how drunk she actually was her speech was incoherent and she kept repeating the same phrases over and over it was exhausting to listen to but I tried to be patient despite everything that had happened I couldn't ignore the fact that she was clearly in a lot of pain eventually her yelling turned into a

slow muffled sobbing her energy seemed seemed to drain and she sank to the floor curling up like a child within minutes she was passed out cold snoring loudly on my living room carpet I looked at her lying there feeling a mix of emotions part of me was angry angry at the way she'd come to my home and treated me and angry at the whole situation in general Another Part Of Me felt pity seeing her like this so vulnerable and broken was a harsh reminder that she was human to and she was struggling in her own

way I decided it was best to just leave her where she was I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with her right then I grabbed a blanket from the closet and draped it over her then went to my bedroom and shut the door I needed to get some sleep myself and I couldn't handle any more of the drama at that moment the next morning I woke up to find that Mom was still there sleeping soundly on my floor I could hear her faintly stirring as I made my way to the kitchen I wasn't sure

how to handle the situation part of me wanted to just let her wake up on her own and figure things out but I also knew that ignoring her wasn't really an option I made some coffee and tried to gather my thoughts I had no idea how she'd react when she woke up with whether she'd be embarrassed angry or even apologetic I just hope that maybe after sleeping off the alcohol she'd be more open to having a real conversation however by the time I got back to the living room after making coffee she had already left

the blanket was still there crumpled on the floor and the remnants of her Outburst were evident in the scattered tissues and empty coffee cup I felt a Pang of guilt as I looked around at the mesh she'd left behind it was clear that she had been in a rough place and seeing her like that made me question whether I had been too harsh with my dramatic entrance at her wedding reception in the days that followed I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt I replayed the scene at the reception over and over in my head questioning

if I had crossed a line was it really fair of me to expose her personal struggles in such a public way sure I felt she needed to understand the impact of her actions but was there a better way to handle it I would love to hear your suggestions update one hi guys some of you asked for what was in my dad's diary I am not going to share everything but here are a few excerpts here's what he wrote on March 12th 2005 she told me again that I'm weak and useless she said she regrets ever

marrying me I don't know how much longer I can take this June 18th 2007 she laughed at me when I told her about my anxiety attack she said I'm just looking for attention I feel so alone and here's one from December 24th 2008 Christmas is supposed to be a happy time but all she does is criticize me she said I'm ruining the holidays for everyone I just want to disappear reading these always breaks my heart I hope that any one of you who is dealing with the same thing finds the strength to be better update

too hi guys as per your suggestions I did try reaching out to my mom but she hasn't responded it's been a few weeks since I sent her that letter and I haven't heard a peep from her I guess I shouldn't be too surprised given how things went down I figured she might need some time and space however I did get some insight into what happened between my mom and Mark for my brother and it's definitely adding another layer to this already complicated situation so my brother filled me in on some of the details about why

Mark left Mom so abruptly apparently Mark has a younger brother who has been battling depression for quite some time it's a tough situation and it's clear that Mark's family has had their share of struggles according to my brother just a couple of days after the wedding Mark's brother somehow found out that mom had been badmouthing him and making fun of his depression yeah you heard that right my mom apparently had a pretty cruel side that I hadn't seen before Mark's brother had been struggling with his own mental health issues and the fact that Mom was

making fun of him behind his back was a big deal it wasn't just idle gossip she was apparently really harsh and dismissive about his struggles which is obviously a big red flag for anyone who's sensitive about mental health when my brother told me this I felt a mix of shock and understanding on one hand it was appalling to hear that my mom could be so callous about something as serious as someone's Mental Health on the other hand it also kind of made sense why mark would be so quick to end the marriage if he found

out that his new wife was being disrespectful and hurtful toward his own family it's not exactly something you'd want to ignore I was trying to make sense of all this when my brother suggested that we should try to find out more about Mark's brother and maybe reach out to him he mentioned that it might be worth understanding how he was doing and if there was any way to make amends or at least offer an apology on Mom's behalf it felt like a long shot but I agreed that it might be a good idea to try

and Men some of the bridges that had been burned we managed to track down Mark's brother through some mutual connections and after some careful consideration I decided to reach out I wanted to approach the situation delicately knowing that he had every right to be angry and hurt I sent him a message explaining who I was and acknowledging that I was aware of the situation I apologized for what mom had said and done even though I wasn't directly responsible I also expressed my hope that he was getting the support he needed and that I genuinely wished

him well to my surprise he responded he was understandably cautious but appreciated the gesture we had a few exchanges where he explained a bit more about how he was coping and how he had felt hurt by Mom's comments He also mentioned that he was in therapy and working on his mental health which was a relief to hear it was a small step toward making things right and while I knew it wouldn't fix everything it felt like a start update 3 hi everyone I know it's only been a few days since my last update but things

have taken some more twists ands turns so here's the latest my brother has been trying really hard to reach out to Mom hoping to patch things up or at least get some clarity on where things stand unfortunately things haven't gone as smoothly as we'd hoped a few days ago my brother decided to make another attempt to see Mom he thought maybe some time had passed and she might be more open to talking things through he showed up at her place hoping to have a calm conversation and maybe start rebuilding some bridges but when he arrived

she refused to even let him in she slammed the door in his face and from what he described it was pretty harsh it felt like a punch in the gut especially since he was only trying to be there for her and figure out a way forward that wasn't the end of it though a couple of days later my brother tried to check in again thinking that maybe things had cooled down a bit he knocked on her door and tried calling her but she wasn't answering it was really unlike her to be so unreachable especially considering

she's usually pretty responsive after a lot of calls and searching he eventually discovered that mom had left town to visit her sister mom had apparently told my brother to stop bothering her and to leave her alone alone she made it clear that she didn't want to talk to him or by extension to anyone from our side of the family it was a tough blow and I felt a Pang of sympathy for my brother he was just trying to reach out and maybe men things but it seemed like Mom was shutting everyone out entirely hearing this

news left me feeling conflicted on one hand I understood that Mom was probably overwhelmed and struggling with her own emotions it must be incredibly hard for her to face everything that's happened and to deal with the Fallout of her actions on the other hand it was frustrating and disheartening to see her isolating herself and refusing to address the issues it felt like she was avoiding the very conversations that needed to happen for any kind of healing to occur my brother and I talked about it and he shared how disheartened he felt he genuinely wanted to

help and offer support but Mom's refusal to engage made him feel like his efforts were in vain it's hard when you're trying to reach out to someone and they just push you away he mentioned that he was considering giving her more space for now hoping that maybe she'd come around when she was ready but it's a tough call and he's unsure of the best approach thanks for reading and for all the support and advice you've given so far I am grateful for it