You know, I think we can all agree a lot of horror movies just aren't that scary. But lying beneath all this mediocre, not scary stuff are gems. Horror movies that are so good, so captivating, so scary that you might just start >> pissing your pants.
>> So that's what we'll be doing today. It's been about 42 years since I did the last one, but today I'll be going over some more horror movies that I actually find scary. Yes, me, I, Derek.
Horror movies that I find scary. Had to make that clear. And in the end, I'll go over one of the scariest movies I've ever seen.
All right, let's run it. First time I heard about this movie, one of my friends suggested we go watch it one night for fun. You know, spur the moment type of thing.
Watch it in theaters for that real scary experience. Uh, he ended up ditching me and go with a girl instead. So, I watched it on streaming.
But it was still pretty scary. I'm going just assume you ain't never seen it. So, if you ain't know, in the Black Phone, we follow this kid named Finny Blake.
American kid from the suburbs in 1978. And while he may live in the suburbs and look like the average American around this time, let me tell you, this kid Finny, this kid is not living the American dream. First off, he gets bullied at school, which you know already sucks.
Getting bullied, that sucks. But this is 70s bullying, too. Not 2000's getting called the hard R on the game.
Nah, this is put your head in the freaking toilet bowl and beat you up for the dumbest reason type of bully. I don't like your glasses. Four eyes.
Like what? What? Y'all was beating up people for being visually impaired.
And then speaking of beat, Finn's father not the best either. Like I thought Hispanic moms were bad, but this man be raising a belt off any little thing. Like his temper could have been a horror movie on its own.
Like Finny will be munching on his cereal, minding his business. You think you could slurp that any louder? Like damn, bro.
You got some superhero or something? It's the ' 70s. Let him enjoy his crunch logs in peace.
Mind you, this is all only like 12 minutes into the movie. And I already felt bad for the kid. Dad beats you.
Born in the 70s, this dude's life is terrible. But to top it all off, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse for the kid, one day while he's walking home from school, Finny gets kidnapped. And this is where the horror really starts.
Cuz the dude who kidnapped Finny is one of the strangest, one of the most just unsettling killers I've seen on screen. The Grabber, which um not the best name. I'm not going to lie to you.
The Grabber. That that can mean a lot of things, bro. But in this case, it's cuz he be grabbing up kids from the street and murking them.
That's right. And to me, this guy is by far the scariest part of the movie. Like for some horror movies, it's the atmosphere or the jump scares, but in the Black Phone, it's this guy.
Cuz yeah, we've seen all types of killers in these movies before, but the feeling I got when this dude was on my screen was just cuz you know, he likes to do these weird psychological torture games to the kids he kidnaps. Like like first he'll start acting like he's a nice guy doing this weird Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka voice that he does. >> Hurt you?
I'm not going to hurt you. Now why would I do you want some soda? Let me get you some soda.
>> I'm not even joking. That's actually how he sounds to me. Then he'll do these things to test the kids like leave the basement door open.
But if he catches you trying to sneak out of it, he'll beat you. Yeah. And according to him for being a naughty boy, whatever that be.
And that's really his whole goal while you trapped in his basement. This dude is just itching for you to be naughty. But the scariest thing about this dude to me is he's a smart killer.
I noticed this while I was watching. As the movie goes on and Finny gets more advice from the dude's victims through the black phone, the movie eventually shows us how many victims the grabber has. Five.
And there's this one specific scene in the movie that shows all of them lined up. And that scene not only confirmed how smart this dude is to me, but it also added a whole new layer of fear. Cuz tell me why I'm looking at who he killed, right?
And I noticed this dude started killing minorities. And I ain't saying it's okay when it was white kids. No, no, I'm not saying that.
But you got to put it in perspective. This is the ' 70s. You tell the cops back then a Mexican kid is missing, they just going to be like, "Well, he probably went home.
" They might as well be gone with the win in the 70s cuz the NBC ain't covering them. And I don't know about y'all, but to me that that's much scary. A lot scarier.
That means this dude was smart enough to switch up his game plan to avoid getting caught. He was probably sitting in his room like, "All right, next mouth. I'll do white, white, black, white.
Is that too much white? " >> That junk is scary, y'all. I'm telling y'all, if it wasn't for him getting greedy and going after Finny, which led to his demise, a lame one at that.
Like, how you going to get pieced up by a pre-teen, bro? I'm telling you, this dude would have never gotten caught. He was playing meta, but I had the black phone first for a reason.
It's not even close to the scariest horror movie I've watched. A movie that's a bit closer, though, is Orphan. Like Black Phone scares me cuz I imagine being a kid and running into that dude.
But even as an adult, this one this one freaks me out. This movie is so good. I don't even want to hint at what it's about yet.
I mean, obviously an orphan, but you know what I mean. So, in Orphan, we follow this married couple, Kate and John. And even though these two definitely got it better than Finny over there, I mean, look at their crib.
Life ain't perfect and stuff ain't always sweet, especially in marriage. And trust me, I would know. I've had like three divorces on Sims.
But in K and John's case, it's not divorce. is that they lost their baby. And this loss clearly flung Kate into a depression.
She took up the bottle, started seeing a therapist. This was some sad stuff. And then John, not so much.
I'm not going to say he wasn't sad, but I couldn't see it. All I saw him trying to do was get one in with Kate. But hey, I ain't judging.
Some of the happiest dudes you be seeing be the saddest. So maybe that's how he copes. So to finally deal with the sadness, Kate and John decide they want to give that love they would have gave their daughter to another kid cuz they're just sweet like that.
So, they go to the orphanage, which I never understood how these things work, like parent-wise. Do you just come in and pick the one that looks most like you? Like, oh, look at this one, honey.
This one has your eyes sort of. Or can you just adopt any kid even if they're nothing like you? Because if that's the case, I know exactly what I'm doing.
I'm going just line up all the kids and tell them to race. Max is the one coming home with me. You might take it out, buddy.
And Kate and John must have been thinking the same thing I was, cuz out of all the kids they could have picked from the orphanage, they chose the most gifted one. a little girl by the name Esther. And you've seen the title.
You don't got to play dumb. There is something wrong with this little girl. And before you say, no, it's not the fact that she dresses weird.
Come on, y'all. She's just Russian. It's worse than that.
Far worse. Which is crazy cuz at first when you're watching it, Esther looks like the best daughter in the world. She's polite.
She's smart. She learns ASL to talk with her or not talk with her her new deaf sister. She's great.
I mean, it's it's no Project Lebron, but this is still amazing stuff. almost too amazing cuz the longer these two live with this little girl, the more cracks they start to see in this little perfect daughter image. Like first thing we see is that she has a bit of a temper problem.
This girl from school tried touching like the little ribbons around her neck and she JUST FLIPPED OUT. Like all right, maybe maybe that's a Russian thing, too. And then there's the scene where she walks in on Kate and John coping with their loss if you get what I'm saying.
And instead of being traumatized like a normal kid, she just stares. What kind of? And that's not even the weirdest part about that one cuz after Kate saw that Esther saw them, you know, she feels the need to give Esther the the birds and the bees talk.
So she pulls up on her Esther when two people love each other very much. You know, they they want to show they Yeah, I know. I know.
They be She was not expecting that. And then the thing she did that just really took it over the top for me with this girl was that after Kay and John's son accidentally shot a pigeon while he was playing with a paintball gun and I'm saying accidentally very loosely here because the dude literally aimed his sights in and shot. Then he want to be talking about some I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to. Shut up. Esther pulls up on him and tells him he needs to take some accountability which is facts.
That's facts. By putting the bird out its misery. Oh my goodness.
That's cold. But you are 9 years old. What are you talking about?
And the kid Daniel obviously couldn't do it. Telling me to kill a pigeon. What are you talking about?
But guess what? Esther does it. No hesitation or nothing.
Just bop. There is something wrong with this little girl. And Kay eventually realized something is up, too.
So, she starts doing some digging. Calls the orphanage to find out what's wrong. And see, if I was the parent, I'm calling too, but I would have just said, "Forget figuring out what's wrong.
" I would have just called up, >> "Hello. " Yeah. So, mine just killed a pigeon.
Uh yeah, y'all do refunds or >> and Kate doing all this investigating actually made things worse. This is when things get scary. Cuz if you thought Esther's antics were bad before, you don't even know cuz remember I told y'all Esther is a smart girl.
Very smart. So when she gets wind of Kate's plan to find out who or what she is from Sister Abigail, she decides to handle it in a very calm and tactful way. Nah, I'm just kidding.
She kills her. Yeah, even with all them cracks from earlier, I did not think this 9-year-old was capable of murdering anyone, much less a nun. That's like double evil.
And it doesn't even end there, cuz after that, she only continues to do evil stuff. She destroys the memorial cape made for the daughter they lost out of spite. She burns down the family treehouse to dispose of all the evidence.
And this last thing she did had me genuinely scared. Y'all remember Kay and John's son, right, Daniel? But before Esther burned down the treehouse, Daniel saw her hide the evidence in the treehouse.
But Esther saw that. So she pulls up in his sleep and tells him if he says what he saw to anyone, she going to pull up on him again and cut off his hairless balls. His balls.
I don't care what no one says. Freddy, Jason, and Michael ain't never said something that scary to no one before. I was around this kid's age when I first seen this movie.
So that threat felt like it was at me at me sitting there clutching my nuts in fear. There is something wrong with this girl. And the worst part is no one can prove anything cuz she's nine.
The cops won't believe that. Tell them she murdered someone and burned down a treehouse, they just going to be like, why? Which is a good question.
Why is she doing this? Is she possessed? Is she a demon?
Is she a skinw walker? Why is this little girl so evil? Well, at the end of the movie, that's when it all makes sense.
So, after this girl, Kate gets sedated for for pretty much pimp slapping Esther. At this point, let's not act like she don't deserve it, y'all. We know she deserved it.
John goes home with Esther and Max and leaves Kate alone at the hospital. And while she's there, she gets a call from the previous orphanage Esther belonged to. Or should I say what she thought was the orphanage cuz she finds out Esther's last spot wasn't an orphanage.
It was a psych ward. Yeah, this little girl is crazy. Which makes sense.
You got to have at least a few screws loose to throw to cut off someone's ball. But that's not even the full explanation cuz this Russian dude tells Kate on top of being crazy, Esther has been keeping something else under wraps. Last chance to leave, y'all.
Last chance. This little girl Esther is not a little girl at all. She's a grown woman.
Mhm. Mhm. Crazy.
Apparently, she looks like this cuz of some genetic dwarf thing. But my mind was blown when I first seen this. Like, this is some weird anime stuff.
a middle-aged woman pretty much trapped in the body of a child. That must suck. You wouldn't even be able to do regular stuff.
Like, imagine your friends trying to go to Six Flags and you can't get on anything but the kitty rides cuz you 35 in the body of a seven-year-old. That would be horrible. But that's how it is for Esther.
But that still doesn't answer. Why would she go out her way to look even more childlike? Why is she trying to live with people?
Well, the reason she did all this stuff, you know, get adopted, torment Kate, was for one reason, a twist again. The reason she did all this was because she wants John. I know she's really an adult, but this don't feel right.
This whole thing from beginning to end was just Esther trying to get herself a man. And there's just just so many things wrong with this. Like, you really thought this was the way to do it?
Drssing up as a child. That pigtailes and dress stuff might work in Japan or with billionaires, but not with a man who's trying to adopt you. Bro, come on.
That's gross. And that's who it's the scariest for, at least in the end. Cuz remember, they went home without Kate.
So when they get home, John has to deal with Esther, who he thinks is just a Russian kid he adopted, trying to re him. Ah, this junk is gross. She over here talking about some But you said you love me.
Seeing someone get rejected is cringey enough, but seeing a father reject his daughter, that's something I thought only dudes in Arkansas had to deal with. I don't want to see this messed up part is that dude John doesn't even figure out that she's been fooling them that whole time. I mean, maybe he did cuz he saw her without her makeup when she stabbed him to death, but I doubt it.
Kate rushes home after figuring out the news. I mean, obviously she's late. John's dead.
But either way, Kate got to be the realest chick I seen in a horror movie cuz when she was approaching the crib to park up and run inside, she said that and straight up crashed her car into her crib. That's some cool stuff. Could you imagine nothing was happening inside though?
That would have been a little embarrassing. And this one pretty much concludes with Kate getting back for Jon and killing Esther by kicking her after she tried to pull a Don't let me die, Mommy. And I know I just talked hella about this movie, but Orphan, it's still not close to being the scariest one.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. A movie that is though is Barbarian.
This one was actually suggested by one of you guys a little while ago. And let me tell you something about this movie. This movie is not only scary, but it's weird.
like movies I thought were weird for type of weird and that's actually what I was saving it for, but here it is. So, this movie is about a girl named Tess who's staying at an Airbnb in Detroit. I ain't say nothing.
Except this Airbnb got some weird stuff going on in it. First of all, when this girl gets there, she finds out someone else was already staying there. A dude at that.
And because of some event going on in the city, she has to stay with him. Oh, heck no. See, I'm a dude and I'm sleeping amongst the rats before I even think about sharing a crib with literal Pennywise.
That's his actor, y'all. Look at him. But that was only the first thing.
Cuz later at night, the weird stuff continues when Tess in the middle of the night hears a weird sound. And I mean weird. Sound like someone aggressively sucking a baby bottle.
What the heck? But when she looks to see if it's the dude she's staying with, she sees he's asleep. The heck is going on?
And it only gets stranger. The next day, Tess go outside and notices the neighborhood she stayed in is run down. Like bad.
I ain't say nothing. After her job interview, people tell her she shouldn't even be on that side of town, that it's dangerous. And strangest of all, when Tess gets back to the crib and accidentally gets herself stuck in the basement, she finds a hidden room.
And in that hidden room, there's another room. And I don't know what happened in here, but it must have been some messed up stuff cuz this room had a bucket, a stained mattress, a camera, and a bloody handprint. This is not good.
Tess obviously panics and luckily at the same time her roommate comes back. Convenient, huh? And she starts telling him, "Look, we got to go.
There's a bucket with boo boo, a camera, and a buddy hand in the basement. We got to go. " And it's a horror movie, so you know, dumb stuff is like law.
Tell me why this dude says I should go check it out myself to be safe. What you mean to be safe? If we just leave and call the cops, I think that's pretty safe.
I don't know how Tess ain't think maybe this dude was behind it or something at this point. That's what I was thinking. There's a stranger in your crib.
He shows up when you find the stuff and then he wants to go check it out himself. Come on, bro. But I realized quickly I might have been wrong cuz after this dude goes downstairs and doesn't respond.
Tess goes down there, which again is like, "Hey, why would you go into the basement again? You knew this man for about 17 hours and you want to play Captain SA clown? " That could have been my best friend and I still would have dipped like I warned you, buddy.
But when Tess goes down there to see what's going on with the dude, she discovers that in that hidden room with the room, there's a hidden passageway. See, at this point, I was like, Tess, if you go in there, you either top five dumbest people in horror movies or I'm the most heartless dude on the planet, cuz why would you go in there? She goes down there, of course.
And this when the true horror of this movie starts, cuz when Tess gets down them steps, she finds a few, I'll say, surprising things. First of all, she finds out this downstairs area isn't just a basement within a basement. It's a whole tunnel system.
Then in that very same tunnel system, she finds some cages. Some very big cages. And then, most surprising of all, she finds her roommate, which is surprising cuz I thought you were in danger, buddy.
What happened? At this point watching this, y'all should be thinking the same thing I was thinking when I first watched. Oh, yeah.
Tess, you stupid. It's clearly him behind and he's trying to act all scared. This is all clearly him.
[Applause] Oh my. Out of nowhere from the tunnels came this giant naked lady that just straight up merckked Keith. And I mean like really naked.
Like I can't show y'all, but just know they was hanging tent. And this naked monster lady is by far the most disturbing part of this movie. Well, her and how she was made.
Like we don't see it immediately, but after she captures Tess, the actual owner of the house comes through and discovers the same tunnels. And that's when we see how scary this lady is. Cuz first of all, her speech non-existent.
Cave speak. And you may not find it scary, but I do. I don't want to be held hostage by someone who speaks like speaking in ugas and boggas.
Are you mad or excited? I can't tell. Then we find out they call her the mother, which you may be thinking, "Oh, why is that a big deal?
" Well, the reason they call her the mother is because she wants to be a mother so bad that she feeds the people she captures through baby bottles. Yeah, she's giving them milk. And I thought with her speech, she's running to the grocery store and asking where the dairy section is at.
So, you can only assume Mhm. That's right. That's her milk.
H, that's disgusting. But I'm drinking all of it. Look, it's either that or she starts getting aggressive.
And if I'm in this, if she want a baby, she going to get a baby. The second she put that bottle through the cage, I'm going to be in there. Plus, it beats what happens if you don't drink it.
If you don't drink it out the bottle, she takes you out the cage and makes you drink it straight from the source. Which I don't even got to explain why a giant naked cave lady giving you some mother's milk is both terrifying and disgusting. And I already know there's going to be some of y'all in the comments saying, "Hear me out.
" No, bro. I'm not hearing you out. But like I said, how she was made was even scarier cuz she may look like the monster of this movie.
I mean I mean she is, but there's a bigger monster behind all this. This guy. And it's okay to be confused.
Just looks like a middle-aged dude, right? But this guy is actually a serial killer. Yep.
And when I say this dude is sick, I mean he's sick because not only was he murking exclusively women on some Doma stuff, but he would have babies with these women. And after he would have babies with these women, he would have babies with those babies. I know.
Take it all in. Take it all in. And he did this over and over and over again until he made the mother, which explains the appearance, the strength, and the cave speak.
Yeah, this movie is sick. And now for the scariest movie of the video. It's no other than I got a lot of stuff I want to say about this movie.
First, Warner Bros. Hold. This is fair use.
Now, before I even get to how I feel about it, you got to know this movie is special. It's about missing kids like the Black Phone and directed by the dude who made Barbarian. And it shows cuz this movie was probably the scariest experience I had in a movie theater ever.
And I've seen a dude get jumped at the theaters before. If you ain't never seen it, this movie is about a small town where a classroom of kids go missing under mysterious circumstances. 17 kids all ran out their homes at 2:17 a.
m. Yeah, 2:00 a. m.
, not three. And all of them never to be seen again except one. But the strange thing is when they ran out, they all did this triangular pose almost like a mix between tea posing and the Naruto run.
And now the town and the parents are in an uproar trying to figure out how or why this happened. And that's all y'all really need to know cuz this first half is all it took for this movie to scare me. But I didn't know I was going to be that scared when I was coming in.
I came in thinking, "Ah, scary. " But then about 5 minutes into the movie when I seen that first kid run across the street with his arm stretched out, I want to go home. I can't explain it.
It wasn't a disturbing or scary killer. It wasn't spammy jump scares. It was just vibes.
That's the best way I can explain it. This movie had scary vibes. Like, bro, this jump was so scary.
It made me realize I might be on the spectrum. No, I'm serious. Cuz every time I felt tensions rising or stuff became too much for me, I was immediately rushing to cover my ears.
I'm serious. I spent about 80% of the movie like that. Pack the 2.
I ain't care. That's just how real it was. I ain't care about what the people around me thought.
I was just trying to make it through. And that's what I think it was with this movie. Like, yeah, of course it's also a mix of fear of the unknown, but I think the music of this movie or even lack thereof sometimes just built this tension.
And it makes sense, too. We all know horror movies aren't scary without their music. Like, you're not going to be scared watching The Conjuring if it had freaking Spongebob music in the back.
like, nah, it just wouldn't be the same. And weapons, weapons was really good at it. The music just made me feel like something was always about to happen.
Like, there's this one scene early on in the movie where the teacher of the kids that went missing goes to visit the one kid that didn't go missing to, you know, figure out why he's the odd one out. But while she's posted up out there waiting to see something suspicious, she accidentally falls asleep. But that's not the scary part.
The scary part is while she's asleep, the kid's house door opens. And when I tell y'all I've never been so scared to see a door in my life, I'm not trolling. Like that jug had my heart racing.
And then when we saw some lady come out that same door wielding some scissors and walking around like a like a crackhead. Oh my goodness. I was in the theater ears covered.
Wake up. Come on. Wake up.
I was so scared my friend had to let me know to uncover my ears cuz I was yelling. And that was just the first half of the movie too. Even the reveal towards the end, spoiler warning, that it was actually the kid's witch aunt on behind it all had me a little spooked.
And not even because I'm scared of what she can do. I mean, low key, but it's cuz look at her. Look at those teeth.
If this was the first scene they showed in the movie, uh-uh, I would have walked out immediately. That's pretty much all the movies I wanted to go over today, y'all know what to do. Comment down below the movies y'all thought was the scariest.
Or maybe y'all didn't find any of them scary, and I'm just I'm just a Either way, though, comment down below some movies you guys find scary. I might do a part three. Maybe I'll use some of yours.
And moral of the story, [Music] >> run away, try to get away.
