A Penguin, A Nun, and an Ostrich w/ Shia Labeouf and David Mamet | Ep 272 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. You know what's really not good? People come on these things and don't wear the cans cuz they're cuz um whatever reason. Yeah. Some people don't like them. Yeah. But David Mammoth is wearing cans. So you like the way they feel. Yeah. When David Mamemon wears Cans, we can wear Everybody can. Whatever David Mammon do, we do. Do you want to wear your cans? I I might be better without

him cuz I'm definitely none of us wear this show's going to be crazy. If anybody cannot wear cans. Yeah. Yeah. Dave M. Yeah, exactly. You want to take yours off now? I'm just a regular guy. We're just a nor he's a normal guy like us. Just a regular guy. No. Dave M. The [ __ ] have you been? I miss you. You never call. You never [ __ ] cuz I don't want to mess it up. We got a good thing going. You know when you when you got a good relationship with somebody who you

really respect and then you never want to talk to them. Oh, I was Yes. Except for the respect part. a good relationship I never want to [ __ ] talk to. I understand. We talk only when we need to talk now. We're like a really smooth married couple. Do you fight about the kids? You got to fight about the kids. He's never around. Yeah. Yeah. I just take care of the kids. He's never around. Well, we adopted David. Yeah. Yeah. We have one dwarf. One little tiny one. Little little black dwarf kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We got We got lucky with That's winning the lottery, right? It really was. Yeah. Yeah. And he's hard to see. He's so small. He's so tiny. Who are you talking about? our our adopted child. Our adopted child. Ladies and gentlemen of Bad Friends Fans, it is an honor, a Privilege, an incredible moment in our time with this show. We have two uh unbelievably wellresected accomplished. Please remember their name. Please remember their name. Please remember. Shabbuff and David Mame. What a duo. What a duo. Yeah. Yeah. Abbott and Castella. We'd rather not have that. That is

nothing like this. So not close. He does this a lot. He doesn't What happened to Garuncle? Nobody gives a [ __ ] Is he alive? Is he Alive? He's alive. Dave, I don't know. Is he really alive? Is Garfuncle still alive? And this is how dark and mean this is. And you know what happens on this show? We shouldn't say anybody's name. We talk about people on this show and within how long? 6 months they die. Yeah. Yeah. So we did that to the Pope. People think JD Vance killed him. No, we did. No, we

did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, but I'm not kidding. We literally just talked about the Pope. We Were just just talking about him. Nothing negative. And then boom, he dies. So all of our fans are like, "Please don't talk about people anymore on the show." Can I May I read it for for the room? Yeah. Can you read it? Yes. Aron Fuckle is alive. He was born on November 5th, 1941. Isn't this incredible that you're David Mamemoth? Such an incredible writer. I'm a terrible reader. A Pulitzer Prize winner. You can't even read four words

Without anything complex inside of it. Yeah. Well, give me a complex word. I can say it right. Yeah, but that's his genius. Give him a shot. I'm a genius, right? I know you do. I know you do, dog. Hey, I' I've given you so many compliments. If I give you another one today, it'd be uncomfortable. Yeah, please don't. Well, then I got to do it. That's the best t-shirt I've seen in 8- Where'd you get the T? It's magnificent. Well, there was a a a not dwarf, but he's a small man, Dean Del Rey. We

know a small man who collects um t-shirts. And I was over at a house, and he goes, "Do you want this for 50?" And I go, "Yeah." Do you have you gone to a vintage fair lately? $50. Yeah. Is that too much? That's too much. No, man. Really? No, no, no. If you go to a vintage fair now. Oh, he's big on the fashion. He spins on. Look at that. Look at that. Yeah, but this is a remake, David. This is an original. This is like a print. It's a lithograph. I love Exile Main Street.

I love Let It Bleed. I like the band. Yeah. Yeah. That that goes It's called Maidworn. Yeah. He go So, he goes to these. There's a company called Maidworn. They do this. It's like fake retro shirts. It's not real. Great. You know, I knew when you were going to come on you were going to do this. You see those shoes, Bobby? Those are actually worn. Those are earned. That's earned Worn. Well, these aren't earned. These aren't earned. And these are called golden goose. And they come No, Bobby. Pre-worn [ __ ] He loves it. I

understand it though. Yeah, I get it. Well, well, you Well, explain it to me, Shia, if you understand it. I know you very well, Bobby. I feel like I grew up with you in a weird way. You did? Yeah, in a weird way. Well, I met your dad first. Well, the I met you. So, Radford Hall used to do these big uh comedy Things like where they'd bring in all the comics. Can we talk about sobriety? Yeah. So, I met him in a recovery. Basically, we're in a big Radford Hall. Uh I remember you were

with a hottie. I was. Let him finish. My father and uh my uh dude and and Bobby was like the headliner for three years in a row. And I remember the first year at Radford Hall, I really wasn't looking forward to it. And then Bobby got up and about 2 minutes in his Dick came out and all the drunks in the hall loved him. And it's been like that for three years. And then I think I think on the third year I remember I remember went up to Bobby and I I tried to talk to

him. You were very busy and you had a beautiful one with you, but I remember telling you you're my favorite comic. And then I said it to you three or four times from then on. I saw you at Elijah's thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was really nice for you to show up to That. You took your dick out in front of all these people. Yeah. Yeah. But it was that kind of party. I've never done anything like that before. That's like a big That's a new But this was this was this is 2004 or something

like that. 2004. Well, let me tell you something. He's still doing that bit. He's still using that [ __ ] bit. David, I have to say to you, um, any male nudity in any of your films, David? Any male? Any That's a very good Question. I don't know. Uh, I don't think so. I mean, yeah. Again, do I like like like look at attractive people bringing each other up? Yes. But on the other hand, it's a cheap way to get out of a scene that you don't know how to fix. Right. Yeah. That's right. I

think if you're wellendowed, you can't do male nudity. I think it's only good if you're 3 in and under and then then you can get away with it. That's what I say to him all the time. The only reason he gets Away when we do live show cuz it's brave. Cuz then it's brave. Well, then it's brave. You look at Bobby do that and you go, "That man is so brave to do that." Yeah. I think I think you're I think you're close. I think if your penis is too big and you show your penis

on a live show, it's rude. I think if your penis is too small, it's fun. Yes. But if you have a regular penis, that's brave. Am I regular? Am I regular? You are. You're regular. You're regular. Oh My god. He has a reg. My dad used to say I was small the the whole time. Well, your father was an alcoholic. My dad did beat you with golf clubs. So, what does he know? My dad did that. Guys, am I in a [ __ ] time? Sorry. Just like when I was a kid, I started doing

this [ __ ] They'd say, "What do you think about Mark Twain?" Now, we're talking about your dick. Sorry. That's my fault. I'm sorry, dude. That's why I brought it up. What do you What do you do? Things change, right? What do you think about Mark Twain? I love him. What about Mark Twain? Sloppy kisser. Did you know that? Mark Twain. Did you know him? A sloppy kid. No, I didn't. He was a little bit before my time. He met General Grant and General Grant said, "Motherfucker stuck his tongue by He stuck his tongue down

my throat." That's what he said about Mark Twain. Twain made out with Grant. What? Yeah. Wow. Wow. He said he was a [ __ ] kisser. Yeah, that's right. Great writer. [ __ ] kisser. Wow. Yeah. That's incredible. It was a thing from a kiss hello is a kiss hello is polite. You have to receive it. What if you don't What if you're not in the mood for a kiss hello? Exactly. So, you got to turn your head. But that's always Don't you find that that's always uh you feel like it's a put down. You're

going to say, "Oh, I guess it's the thing. We kiss this person in the lip." And they turned Their head a little bit. You want to [ __ ] die, right? Well, the other day I was I was I went on a date with five five times this girl. Remember the hot supermodel and the fifth time I went in to have a kiss and she turned her headsh shot. Oh, guys. Oh my god. Is this the girl that I met at the movie theater? No. No. Somebody new. He's got a new It's amazing. It's a

It's a rotate. It's like What do you mean, Shia? You don't You're not Never was never like that. You're in a relationship? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're married. Yeah. Never Never like that though. It's bingo balls for him. It's like the rotating and he just pulls a new one and then you never You weren't like that either. What? You're a bit like me. You're a little bit prudeike. Right. It's like one girl for a long time and you know, you're not dating five, six women. Define a long time. A long time. Years and years and years.

Yeah. Well, yeah. I've been Married to the same wonderful broad for 35 years. But even in your young life, in your young life, in your young life, you weren't doing this five, six different days. Were you a cockman when you were young? I feel like you were It was the 60s. Okay. All right. Everybody was free. That's an easy answer. William H. Macy, my great friend. We grew up together. He used to say, "In the 60s, you were terrified that somewhere there was some woman you Hadn't had intercourse with." Wow. Wow. Different time. Yeah. I'm

afraid if I was in that time that I'd still be like not doing well. Nothing would change. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be striking out. It's probably harder to get laid. Oh, that's probably. Yeah. Little Korean boy. I'll be the first incel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they go, "Watch out for that guy talking [ __ ] on a new Reddit." Yeah. Look at that. Knock now. What are you talking about? Yokoono Was Come on. Every There was a whole thing going. Everybody was like, "I got to give me one of those." Asian women were fetishized back

then for sure. But not Asian men. Not Asian men. We were [ __ ] This is a new This is Yeah. Yeah. We were like, "Oh, you're so right." You're right. You're that guy. This is new. What's going on for you now? It's heavy. You're at the cutting edge of this new thing going on. What's the new thing? Well, he's got five, six Different beautiful women a week he dates. No, no, no. Shia, you just said that. I know. Dates. Dates is dates. Not sex. Not bo. Okay. You mean just like like a corn beef

sandwich. Let me think about that. He loves corn beef. I do love it. I don't know how you got that, but um Yes. Just like that. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, cuz I figure where you hang out, you probably hang out at the places where you're very famous. Yeah. Yeah. He's the Type to go to the corn beef sandwich spot next to the standup club so he can get that social currency of the Hey, Bobby. Good to see you again. Want a corn beef? Shia. Yeah. Yeah. Shia, it's so good to have you

here. I'm pretty dead on here, right? You're on fire. He pretends that is not the case. But you see the idiots in the booth nodding. This is 100% him. He will position himself specifically in places where he knows he will be recognized and he knows He will be uh fawned over. He he loves it. I want to say something cuz I tr you guys interrupt me before, but if I may get this information out if I may. My brother and I let me ask you something real fast. What's up? Go ahead. Go ahead. Sorry about

that. You're really going to make me mad today. I'm stuttering. All right. I got some muscles on it. Yeah, dude. Go ahead. He's on OMIC. He's on this kick now. Yeah, you do look Thinner. He Yeah. Stand up and show him. Do the thing. All right. Take to lift up the shirt. He He got He lost a bunch of weight. Yeah. Oh, real good. Real good. Looking good. Good. Okay. Looking good. Yeah. You didn't need to rub. I didn't. That's one of my powers. Let's talk about your brother. No, but my brother's your favorite movie

is Glen Gary Glenn Ross. Yeah. No way. Yeah. I would have never pegged that. It's our favorite movie. I I see you like an Asian. There's there's an Asian lady that's at the coat. I I worked with her before. Oh, the in the movie. Yeah. In the movie there's a um Asian lady that gives people like I think Pacino a code or something like a coach at a coat check. Yeah. Yeah. And I worked with her once and I kept bombarding her with like what was it like this and that. You know what I mean?

How embedded in the zeitgeist's coffees for closers. It's like a it's Such like a Yeah. It's a thing that literally everybody knows. Yeah. I I wrote this play Glen Glengarry Glenn Rost and then I did it as a movie and I put in this extra scene for Alec Baldwin that says coffee is for closers. It's all anybody remembers about the stupid. It's funny how why did like why it's it's weird when things get picked out like I did um I work with Pete Fairley same kind of thing and Fairley says the thing that you think

people Will pick out of it is probably the thing that they least will recognize and the thing that you can't [ __ ] believe they took like the coffees for closers. You never thought that that was like a po a moment that people would steal and then it would be like used over in other things forever because it is. They put it in [ __ ] like Family Guy or other shows will reference it. Yeah. That's great. And what everybody loves Everybody loves Everybody ador you and Yes. Not everybody. Yes. Yes. Oh, wait a second.

Everybody in this [ __ ] room. So my Wait, my my producer calls me up today. My producer calls up. He says, "Dave, you've been doing this forever. I don't want to tell you your business, but don't forget to to plug the movie. Let's do that then. The movie's called We'll do it later. Okay, we do it later. We'll do it [ __ ] later. But here's the thing. In the movie, he's got a line. He plays a prisoner. And and the Other guy, Evan Evan John, who is the guy who he's turning out is

now his punk says, "But how do you know all this shit?" And his line is, "Baby, I do this for a living." So that's Everybody's talking about Yeah, I was going to say I I think you're being humble. I think Dave does know. I think, you know, when we're doing the play, he's there. It's not like Dave's gone and the play's dead and then we're just putting it up. He's in the crowd. He's he's not watching us For the most part. I mean, I don't know what you're watching, but what what what I'm what I

what I when I'm backstage watching you watch, it's a whole lot of, you know, he's in the back. He's all the way in the back watching the backs of heads. Wow. And so, like when heads start to like start looking around and stuff, he's got to fix his script. At least what it feels like. The stuff that gets revised, we don't get much of it. happens pretty quick and it happens Pretty early in the process. But he'll come to the first five, six, seven different shows. He'll watch the crowd move around. You'll get these little

revisions and that'll be the last of it. See, that's the thing. A lot of movies, most of the people who make movies never see their movie with a live audience. None of none of the executives do. So, they're what they're doing is completely theoretical because you got to sit in the in the audience and say, "Where did The attention fade? Why? And how can I fix it?" Right. Cuz if not, what the hell are you doing? Well, but focus groups, that's why they're there, right? You know, but it's so rare movie. No, focus groups are

[ __ ] That's for marketing to Oh, I see. I see. Okay. Yeah. Focus I'll tell you good focus groups here because what you do with the focus group is you ask the people to become critics. So, you're bringing out the worst in them just like you bring Out the s think about it. Think about we go to a restaurant, right? And we have a pretty good time and then the the chef comes out and say, "We're going to sit down for half an hour and we're going to talk. What did you like? What would

you like different? Well, I don't want to feel stupid, so I'm not going to say I had a good time. You got to have something, you know. Yeah. I I maybe a little bit more salt in that thing. So, there was a guy called There was a guy Called Joe Ferrell who invented this like in the 70s ' 80s. I was doing a bunch of studio movies. This thing where the people would sit in a watch the movie on a screen and they'd have dials and if you put the dial this way, it means I

liked it and you put the dial that way means I don't like it. and they would have graphs and graphs and graphs and all the PNA production and and advertising money would get allocated based on the graphs and Joe Frell made This huge amount of money with these stupid [ __ ] graphs. And I was talking to one day I did a movie and I said, "Well, you know, Joe, I guess the numbers aren't quite as good as as they could be." And he said, "Well, how good would you like them to be?" Mhm. Ah,

it's all a scam. Yeah, we can make the dials only lean one way. No, that he's going to snow. The dials are a [ __ ] scam. He's If you could like a smarter man would have said, "Joe, wait Here a second. Oh my god. Is this your $50,000 or mine?" Right. Oh, right. He was just bribable, right? Oh, brilliant. Wow. Wow. Wow. Brilliant. It is [ __ ] It's gross, but it's brilliant. But that's the throws of this business you've seen a 100,000 times. You've seen all those tricks. You've seen them come and go,

right? Yeah. Exactly. So, but the thing is that the bit we just did this movie very cheap, very um um effective. Let's talk about it. Oh, no. But but the thing is we made it ourselves cuz Shia said we just did the play to play over. Let's do a movie. So now the complete the business is completely changed and the studio system is just completely over. It's just dead. Doesn't exist anymore because the technology has changed. Right. Right. which is kind of great. Uh it's it's unless you have an interest in the old technology and

you want to spend 250 million dollars remaking a bad version Of Snow White and and you know you could take all the people who who saw it and stick them in a [ __ ] school bus, right? But nobody's taken responsibility for that because they're all bureaucrats making bureaucratic decisions. David, did you see Snow White? I didn't see it. Yeah. He doesn't watch movies. Oh, he does. Oh, you don't want that at all? I understand there was a lot of anti anti-semitism in it from this one girl. But if I I want to see it,

I'll just go To Columbia University. Is that true? It's It's got a bunch of anti one of the girls came out and she said, you know, free. Oh. Oh, the main girl show girl. She apparently also said that the prince was [ __ ] stalking her. Yeah, that's right. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ] We're going to make Snow Red where he's a murderer. He stalks her and actually gets her and kills her. Yeah. And he uses the dwarves as little slaves. We wrote it. I don't Know if we're ever going to make

it, but we're going to we're going to we'll [ __ ] try. It But you've you when you say that the the studio system is so [ __ ] and you guys made this movie now and you did it for cheap. When you say cheap, what is cheap now? The same amount to mount the play. It just be like mounting the play in Chicago. Instead of spending that money mounting in Chicago, we just filmed it with Dave. Yeah. Because the secret is what does it Cost to make a movie? You can make the you can

make the 500 grand movie for $100 million and you can do the make a hund00 million movie for for for 500 grand. Yeah. The reason that I I curious I don't I don't need to know the number. Not the pri it's just we're creating our own [ __ ] a lot now, right? Like we built this little world. We did an animated show. We did a game show. We're doing it on our own. And they always want to know how much. And we don't really divulge Because we don't really know. We'll tell you like we'll

tell you what would it cost us in one week. Meaning like the actors are very prepared. Yeah. One week is incredible. Shut the [ __ ] up. He's taking shots at us. See saying we're not prepared. Yeah. You know what? [ __ ] you, dude. Dude, you'll go back to Spain. You win. Different genius, dude. Different genius. I couldn't do this. No way. See, Shia, I love you. Thank you so much. By the way, let me call him. We have Allies. You know what? We have allies, my friend. These are our dogs. You want to

get destroyed? You're [ __ ] So David, this guy this guy in the white shirt is a a film student cophile. He's a He wants to be a director and and let me I knew the shoe was going Let me tell you something. This guy that's a director. He loves He loves and respect. He loves and respects you. He's a director. That's a real one. That's a real one right from the old school. Right. He loves and respects you. You don't got it. And he brought he brought your book and show him the book. Show

him Show him the book. Oh my god. And here's what something he said to me. He said, "Did you bring the lube, too?" Yeah. Cuz he wants you to roll it and put it up his [ __ ] Yeah. Yeah. But he writes good books. He asked me, "Would would it be okay if I have Mr. Mame sign that book?" That's what he said with that accent. That's his Accent. Say it. Would it be okay if Mr. Would it be okay if Mr. Mame signed the book? And I said, "I'm going to tell you something.

If you're good on your good behavior, yes. Now you [ __ ] up. You're not getting [ __ ] You're not getting [ __ ] Shove it up your ass right now without the lube. Without the loot, Mr. M will not sign. No, he will not sign. He will not sign. By the way, this is Sorry to enter you enter in this world of chaos. We love these guys. This guy Went to the hospital 4 days ago. The guy in the yellow shirt, he called me at 3:00 in the morning. I'm throwing blood. I know.

This is so great. He'll call you. I was throwing up blood. Why? What? They don't really know actually. But McCone over here took me to the hospital. Con picked him up. Whoa. He was sick as a dog. He called me. He had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. Well, wait a second. One guy's in the hospital. The other guy. Does everybody over there have a disability? Yes. Yes. Ship station choo choo. Ch. Life in general can be chaotic. Hello. You know, and uh if you're in charge of an order fulfillment

for an e-commerce business, you know, that's its own special kind of chaos. But thankfully with our friends at Shipstation, you can count on your day to be nice and easy cuz they going to do it all for you. Save hours and money every month by shipping from all Your stores with one login. Automating repet repetitive tasks and finding the best rates among all the global carriers. Lead your business into the future. Okay. They got smart features and automations that boost efficiency and save you time. It is the fastest, by the way. Most affordable way to

ship products to your customers. If you're selling something, I don't know what it is. I don't care. They got you covered with discounts up to 88% off UPS, DHL Express, and USPS rates and up to 90% off FedEx rates. You never need to upgrade either, Andrew. ShipStation grows with your business no matter how big it gets. That's right. With over 30,000 companies have grown their ecommerce businesses with Shipstation and 98% of companies that stick with Shipstation for a year become customers for life. For life. Call the chaos for order fulfillment with the shipping software that

delivers. Switch to Shipstation today. Go to shipstation.com/badfriends to sign up for your free trial. That's shipstation.com/badfriends. Select code. There are so many things in life we just never get around to, folks. Taking up that hobby, cleaning out that garage, you know, little things that don't really make a huge difference in our lives. Yet, there's one thing that most of us have probably been neglecting that can have a huge impact on our Family's future. What is it, Bob? It's life insurance. It is. And with select quote, getting covered with the right policy for you is easier

and more affordable than you may think. You got to have life insurance, Bob, cuz our life is going to come to an end at some point. I don't think so. I hope it doesn't anytime soon. It will, unfortunately. You never know, though. And I got to tell you, with Select quote, they're one of America's leading Insurance brokers with nearly 40 years of experience helping out over 2 million customers. Find over $700 billion in coverage since 1985. You got diabetes, that's fine. You got high blood pressure, that's okay. Okay, baby. That's right. Even if you have

heart disease, Select Quote partners with carriers that can cover those conditions and many others. Select quote. They shop you save. Get the right life insurance for you for less. and Select quote.com/badfriends. Go to selectquote.com/badfriends today to get started. That's selectquote.com/badfriends. And the gentleman, that's so good. David, the the man in the back. Can you see that gentleman in the back? What do you think his disability is? I bet you could put it together just looking at him. Oh, dude. Well, he's got very good taste in clothes and he's got that he Harris Tweed jacket on.

He's got on the Hat wearing in the correct direction. That's right. Wearing the That's right. Oh my god. So, his disability seems lower than the other two is what you're saying. He seems to be a little bit more potent. Well, I don't know. Come on, mystery guest, come in and sign in, please. What is your disability? I'm just a little slow. You're what? He's a little slow. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good. You got a thumbs up. Steady wins the race. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Smart to rock that jacket today, though. Yeah. He did that

deliberately. Of course he did. How do you feel about that? About the jacket? Yeah, David Mammoth's coming. I'm going to get It's a little whack. I mean, I respect it. Hats off, but you know, it's like a weak point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You win a weak point. That's right. Okay. Awesome. There you go. Congratulations. Dave didn't give me any compliments on My outfit today. I gave it I don't think you ever have. This for the first time. You didn't look like He's very fashionable. You didn't look like you this first time. You didn't look like

you dressed from the dryer in the in the dark. No, no. I knew you were coming. I wanted to be respectful. I tucked my shirt in. Dude, are you serious? You really did, dude. And he got a belt. Dude, I put I even tucked my belt in. Oh, that's Well, wait A second. That's how serious I'm taking this. I was talking to J Moore yesterday, J Moore podcast, and he loves the movie. He loves you. And he talked for like a half an hour about the way you tucked your shirt in that thing. So, I

think Jay's a big part of my like, you know, what a change. That dude saved me in a lot of lot of nights. He saved me. That guy, dude, people don't talk about it, but he's a big Well, he was talking about he's a big He's a very He's a good man. He's changed. I've never seen anyone change that dramatically. He used to be terrible, but he he lives service now and his life reflects it. He's the nicest, most mindful, open and his life changed so positively. Like miraculous. Everything went up. Yeah, man. Pretty great

to watch. It really does work. When you see that, you go, "It works." Yeah. He's that example for me. Yeah. You know, when I when I was I was doing This play, I was still low. I would drag him to meetings with me. He would show up to meetings. Well, he's loves stories. So, our room's got stories for days. So, he would just go in there to listen these stories with me. Yeah. Sometimes I wouldn't want to go by myself. I said, "Dave, come with me." You know? Yeah. That's the kind of cat he is.

He saved my life. I was going through a real real difficult really difficult. Yeah. We met at a good time. He saved my life. And I would go to the meetings and the guy, one guy would say, you know, my wife left me and she took all my money and then I realized that that she'd she'd given me um very bad disease and I couldn't even go dating anymore and I bought a gun and but and people in the room going laughing laughing. I did say [ __ ] get the [ __ ] out to

tears to tears. Am I lying? No, it's the only way. Yeah. Yeah. It's the only way Because we relate. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's that you know I mean I've been in and out since I was 17. Yeah. I had 17 years one at one point like I know you you you were in the rooms when I first came in. Yeah. At Morpark I remember see before Radford. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like um but at at 17 what a gift as a kid to get that you know I mean I wouldn't be

here without it. How did you how did you even get in like cuz your dad wasn't it wasn't family. No, my Dad was a violent um alcoholic. Sure. Among other things. Thanks for bringing that up. Well, you sure? Yeah. You're welcome. Uh but but he didn't bring you in the rooms. No, I went to I mean when I was in high school, I went to um a bunch of rehabs. Yeah. And then the um I think the third one had clicked. Yeah. And I met this old Korean man by you know kid Dan. Yeah. Dan.

Yeah. Yeah. and um when I was a kid and he had 17 years at that point. He was at this long white Hair, tattoos, full Korean, but he was adopted long ago and he was my sponsor and it was my junior year in high school when I met him and I just gave him a what 50 60 year cake or whatever. Yeah. I mean, he's still like a part of my life, you know what I mean? But um yeah, without that I'd be dead. I think like Lijah's like that for me. I got a bunch

of these like Jay L. There's like 40 guys I would tap and say, "Oh man, if not for them." Yeah. That's the beauty Of I mean that's why you're here as live. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. While you guys were shooting the movie or the play is when you were going to these meetings. Well, no. When we when we No, when we were filming, we were filming. When we were filming, we always grind mode and then I would catch my meetings when I can get them at night. Usually he's way overwhelmed trying to mount Especially the way

we did it. It was just there was no uh like uh extra time. Yeah. Yeah, But before all that, you know, there because he is who he is and and maybe it's just my thing. There's a getting over Dave Mamemoth process, you know, I mean, you got to get over it. You just got to get over it. It'd be like being asked to play Batman. Like, you just got to get over and get to the work. It's like you can you can scare yourself to complete uh mute. You you can terrify yourself. First day he

walks in and you know you're about to be in a play that He wrote. It's one of the scariest moments of my life for like the first table read. So, like I showed up to the table read. I don't know really what I'm doing. I never did a play. I know it's a David Mamemoth play. What I know is like that's the pinnacle. Like get every word, every punch. So, I show up at the table read. I'm off book. That's not normal. Normally, you know, you're reading I'm scared. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, so that

fear helped me, but The fear had to wear off at a certain point. And I don't know if it it ever wore off during the play, but we became friends in the midst of that. Like close close like closer than I'd been with most any director I'd ever worked with. You were the only one off book? No, no. Well, Evan was so nervous. He was so nervous. So, like Evan has done plays before. Plus, Evan and him already have a relationship I didn't have with Dave. I I met Dave through fan letter, you Know. I've

been trying to get to Dave for 10 years, you know, and there'll be a project that pops up and I Yeah, I'll do anything. What do you want me to do? And and then it'll come, it'll go, you know, or or somebody will take it from him. Like, we were gonna do this JFK movie and they just took it. Play Oswald. Yeah. And and I was psyched. That was gonna be so great. Yeah. Oswald. That's right. That's one of the great roles, you know, you could ever Have. So, and in the midst of grinding on

that, they took it from him and then he fell into a dark spell cuz it's like somebody taking your baby from you. And uh and then and then it was and our play was still up as all this was going on. So, it was a matter of like me and Evan like, "Ah, we got to cuz he's captain. We got to get captain back up, you know, we got to get his spirits back up." So, we almost threw it out like like no way. Maybe he'll bite cuz usually we throw Ideas to him. He doesn't

has no interest, right? He'll say something like, "Yeah, no, I hear you. Unless it's unless it's to the work. If it's about the work." This was such a great idea because we did the play. It was a [ __ ] great. And and um we could have run it forever except you can't ask the actors to come in and work for 1995 a week. We would have though. But anyway, and so Shai and Evan come and say, "Let's do a movie." So I say, "No, we Can't do a [ __ ] what are you talking

about? Takes forever and we have to go and talk to the [ __ ] in the valley." And I said, "No, no, no, no, no, dude. We're going to we're going to do it ourselves. We're going to raise the money ourselves. We're going to do it ourselves. How? So I say, "How are we going to do it?" I say, "Fuck it. I don't know. We're just going to do it." And so like a lot of the great things in my life, I got dragged into it kicking And screaming. Yeah. He wasn't turned out to be

the best the best thing that that I've done in in in decades. The most changed my life. We were prepping this behind his back, actually. Oh, wow. Yeah. We were prepping the thing, trying to get it mounted. Obviously, we couldn't hire nobody, but we're trying to get everything, me and Evan, trying to get most mostly Evan, trying to get everything sorted so he could come in and sort of, you know, uh, turn key go. And then he had to pick his DP, and then that was his whole thing. But I remember there was like a

month where we were trying to sneakily get this thing prepped and mounted behind his back cuz he thought, "No, no way you could do it." And I I kept like pushing towards Louis CK content. Kept saying, "Oh man, Louis CK, uh, boy, Dave, Louis CK matters, Dave." you know, he matters for a bunch of reasons, but he should matter for us a lot right now. He's kind of the Guy. He's doing it and he's he's winning independent. You know, he's he's pushing through all the BS and he's getting to the crowd, you know? He's getting

and you like I just came off of Copa Land. This is a guy who's got power. He can make the entire industry flex. Like he'll make them all turn based on Did you like the movie? No, but but I love him, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And we fought all through the thing cuz it wasn't my dream. And I was trying to learn his Dream, which you're always trying to do when you're on a movie. dreams aren't easily accessible. Sometimes you feel like you're not old enough to get to the dream. With me and him, it

felt like that. It felt like, oh, you know, [ __ ] I don't know about, you know, cuz I'm a baby and you done lived a life, you know? So, I would acquies to him. But I remember he could he could make the industry move, you know, cuz he had That kind of power. And then I look at his accomplishments and then I look at Dave's accomplishments and I don't see this drastic divide. I feel like, you know, I respect the stuff Dave did as much as I respect the stuff Francis did. But Francis had

the shot to get to the audience. They kind of made a clear path for him. You know, he was like the darling of the industry, right? And so, um, I don't know how many resident geniuses you boys have, but I don't have Any. You know, the fact that I know Dave feels like some kind of miracle. So, then it was like, oh, well, if I could just work on Dave stuff forever, that would be a dream come true. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, then it was like, how do we get Dave a channel? How do you

get Dave his own Dave Mamemoth channel? You know, that's how the conversation started. They dragged me into it. So, what we discovered is you don't need Hollywood. You don't need a bunch of money. You Need some talent. You need an idea and you need a [ __ ] telephone. Funny to hear you talk about talent because uh that's very funny to hear you talk about talent. Anybody who's a David Mamemoth fan, talent's not a big David Mamemoth word. Persistence. Ah, you know, like just like grinding, throwing water at the same [ __ ] mark on

the stone for long enough and eventually it'll happen. I think even with you because I feel like with you It's like I have to be careful. I can't really tell you all the way how I feel. I respect you too much. You know what I mean? I kind of have to through Evan. Evan because Evan and him are have a have something I didn't have. You know, I'm not spending every week and all the time, you know, with Dave like that D. So Evan was good at translating things that I couldn't like, you know, like

I would just come off too thirsty. I think I would scare you because I'd be too Ambitious, too thirsty. Cuz when I say stuff like, "Dave, I'll do anything you ever want to do. I think you're the greatest writer." It almost sounds like [ __ ] No, it's not [ __ ] Listen, the first moment, the first No, he goes, "It's not [ __ ] I am the greatest." Facts, facts, facts. Facts. Best response ever. Listen, the from the first moment we had a mutual friend who eventually sold both of us out. And he he

my mutual friend was having a lunch With Shia. And I'd always admired Shia's work very very much. And I sat down and my mutual friend says, "Oh, sit on Shilabove Dave Man." I say, "Hi, Shia L above. Why I have such I so admire you." And Shia says, "That's not necessary." And it just it was [ __ ] shocking. It's like you It's [ __ ] shocking. It's like I saw into who this this wonderful man is in in a second. I'm a human being. You're a human being. It's a pleasure to meet you. You

remember That? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the movie called? Oh, Henry Johnson. Henry Johnson.com. That's how you get it. Oh, it's out now. You everyone can watch it now. Yeah. And then what? Can you give us a brief synopsis what it's about or I mean I be better at it the way I see. Yeah. These two life these two lifelong friends, an old guy and an old woman. They've been high school sweethearts and they both grown old together. But they meet again And their lives seem to be older, but they go on

a road trip and them can What [ __ ] movie? No, no, this is this is not Arma. It's some other thing going on in his head. As he said, that's not the thing me we made together. As he said it, I was like, "This isn't it." No, it's about like empathy. It's about uh it's about like overdosing on empathy. If I was going to put it in a sentence, that's what I what I read when I read it. It was it's about overdosing on Empathy. It's about how empathy can actually [ __ ] you

fully if you if you overdose or like you know you sometimes you know the dog eating trade in China. I'm just giving you an example of empathy. What I think the movie is about Hold on. Wait, we getting into dog eating now? No. Just let me see me through. He doesn't eat breakfast hungry. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like I I hate these people that, you know what I Mean, do this to these kind animals. And then I go to China, right? Right. And I'm like And I'm like, "Oh my god, look at this puppy." And

the puppy goes right and and eats my face. Right. Yeah. That just like that. How do you think about Yeah. No. Am I right or no? No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, it's a So, we did this thing as a play and we're doing it as a movie and it's about a guy who is so compassionate that he ruins everything Around him and everyone takes advantage of him. He ends up going to prison and he ends up getting his life changed by the boss Khan over there and then some [ __ ] happens. Wow. Some

[ __ ] happens. Yeah. Yeah. Pull up the site just so we have it for everybody. What does this [ __ ] happen? You get like a little fondled or what? What do you mean me? Yeah. Yeah. No. No. No. Oh, no, no, no. You mean Oh, you went right there, huh? It could have been a It could have been 5,000 things. That's the movie I want to see. Anyway, um Okay. How long sh How long when you're done filming this, how long does it take you to kind of uh clear your head out of

it? Well, I never done a play, so I still I run these lines in my shower still. You do? Oh, yeah. They're so tattooed to your head. I don't know. I mean, I never I never prepped anything like that. Lines never really mattered To me. And now, you know, after working with Dave, they kind of I don't know. He they don't matter to him either. I didn't know that walking in, though. You know, I walking in, I thought, you better get every [ __ ] comma, right? Well, but see, that's the trick is the best

thing in the world if you're rehearsing a play is tell everybody, show up learning your lines. Don't show up if you're not letter perfect. And most actors don't know that anymore Because they've been badly trained and badly rehearsed for you. and they want to sit down and talk about where they went to school and what their character for lunch and all this [ __ ] So Shia because he don't know any better, knows better than any of them, just show up learning the [ __ ] lines. Cuz if the actors show up in a rehearsal

late day one learning knowing their lines, what do you do? You block the play. It takes you three days and then you put it on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Do you say anything with like someone like me, right? I don't know my lines ever. You know what I mean? Say what? I I never know my lines. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But would you yell at me? No. I'd say learn your lines. Oh, that's it. And you would. No, he wouldn't. No, you would. Yes, you would. I'm telling you, Bobby, you would. And you'd be

great. Even the magic of Mammoth couldn't get this guy. No. No. I think the both of you I think The both of you be great. Oh, wait a second. But you're a stand-up comic. You say like, "Wait a second. Two guys go into a um wh house." House. Of course, it's a wh house, but you're going to grow up on the on the bar. The bar. Yeah. Well, you got to know your lines, right? Got to know your lines. Oh, I got I tell if you're telling jokes, you got to know your lines. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Not even line, but you memorize the bit. You Know what I mean? Well, no. I We memorize where we need to get to. Right. So, it's like the world the words around it. As long as we can get to the joke. Yeah. What actually makes it funny, that's fine. But you're you guys do line by like word by word, right? Yeah. Yeah. Only only because it's better. If I could add if I could if I could add live better lines I would and have on every other show. Yeah. But when when you're with

him of course it's like Aaron Sorcin him. Yeah. Yeah. You don't there's no need to help. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I understand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um is it hard to I mean I just I'm going to sound stupid. I I just need to throw it out if cuz I'm dumb. You know what I mean? Is that is it hard to make write a movie? [Laughter] Hey, listen. Dude, if you had Stormmy Daniels on, would you say would you say, "Where do you get your ideas?" Yeah. We Actually She's coming on after this, isn't he? She's

later. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Is it hard to write a [ __ ] movie? Dear David Mamemoth. Is it hard to write a movie? You know, I'm not Hoto Shaani or whatever his name is from the [ __ ] show Otani. Yeah. Whatever his name is. Write it down. Anani Anani. I can't hit it every time, dude. You know what I mean? I'm sorry, dude. I just throw it out there. Yeah. Well, don't throw either. Just [ __ ] Underhand. Ask him what you really want to ask him. Be honest. That's not a bad

question. There had to be some There had to be I got you. There had to be some harder than the others. Well, it is very hard. Protected. I'll tell you, I wrote this play a long time ago called American Buffalo. And it was a series of sketches about these thieves I was hanging out with playing poker. And they were really good. And I did it off Broadway. A bunch of sketches. And a guy Called Ulu Grossbart, who was a great director. You should see his movie Straight Time. Ula Grossbard comes to me and says, "If

you find a if you can figure out the plot, I'll put it on Broadway." So, I went from being an out of work cab driver to I had to sit on and figure out how to write a plot, which is very difficult. And then he put it on Broadway. So, I said, "Oh, I get it. I know what keeps the asses in the seats, a plot, which Means making the audience wonder what happens next." That's a plot. If you can write a plot, the dialogue doesn't have to be good, which we know because we see

films in tech in translation. Right. Right. We want to know what happens next. Oh, wow. So, it's very hard to write a plot because it's an equation and the mind always wants to come up with the easiest thing, right? But the easiest thing is not the probably not the best thing because if you can beat Yourself to the punchline, the audience can beat you to the punch line. Ah, so in comedy, what you got to do is you got to beat the audience to the punch line. Make give them enough to wonder what happens next,

right? A penguin and none and rhinoceros go into a wh house. Yeah. They want to know what happens next. I I do. Yeah, I do really want. So, what does happen? What? What does happen? You You know Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You climb inside the rhino the nun and the rhino Eat some. I'm wrong. Oh, no, that's not it. You know, no, I was saying we climb inside the rhino. But let me tell you something. A penguin, a nun, and an ostrich go into a wh house. Where's the rhino? An an old brick. He's taking

tickets. And they say the wh house is an old brick building on a quiet residential street. The kind of street where maybe your grandfather and grandmother were. I want to know what happened in the wh house. I don't want You to tell me about how it was built. Right. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Look at me. What are you a You're a mongoose. Oh, a little squirrel. Little squirrel. And you and you're collecting acorns. Yes. And you know why? You're saving up for your future. I'm saving up for my future, dude. And that's what

Acorns does. You know, retirement is just around the corner for many, many people. And I got to tell you, you got to save up. You got To invest. You got to do the right things to make sure your future feels safe and easy so you're not left doing stuff ladder in life that you just don't want to do. What is it? Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start investing for your retirement because the sooner you start, the more of a chance your money has to grow. That's right. And anybody can

do it. Everybody should do it. You can sign up for Acorns Gold and you'll get a 3% IRA match on new contributions in your first year. That's extra money for your retirement on Acorns, right? You don't need to be rich. They'll you get started with the money you got right now, maybe even in your pocket. You'd be surprised at what just $5 a day could do for you. Also, back in the day, um, when I started making a little money, I did put some away. You did. Yeah. And um that it comforts me for the

future. Yes. Because it stuff grows and and it should Sign up now and join the over 1 million alltime customers who have already saved and invested over $2.2 billion for their retirement with Acorns. You can head to acorns.com/badfriends or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid nonclient endorsement competition provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier 3 compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns advertisers LLC and SEC registered investment adviser. View important Disclosures at acorns.com/badfriends. DraftKings Sportsbook, the NBA finals are here. It's an official sports betting partner of the NBA. They're pulling out all the stops

to make this a finals to remember. And here's something special for the first timers. New DraftKings customers bet $5 to get $300 in bonus bets if your bet wins. That is pretty impressive. Those of you that are playing, you know. And don't miss your last chance to bet on the NBA this Season. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use the code bad friends. That's code bad friends for new customers to get $300 in bonus bets if your bet wins when you bet five bucks only on DraftKings. The crown is yours. You got a gambling problem?

Call 1800 gambler New York call 8778 hope NYNY or text hope NY467369 in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 8887897777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play Responsibly on behalf of Casino uh resort in Kansas. 21 plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. void in Ontario. Bet must win to receive reward bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance for additional terms and responsible gaming resources. cdkng.co/audio. But do do you ever um write with other people though or do you just you Okay. Trying to help you, bro. Trying to help you from the SL, you know.

Yeah. A couple of times I wrote with other people, but at some point that I stopped doing it because even when I wrote with them, I say, you know, thanks a lot. Go sit down. Tell us about your time in Chicago. Can you though? Because we talked a little bit off air about when he was talking about, you know, prior to Stephen Wolf and prior to prior to every theater in the city. Yeah. What were you What were you doing? I was uh well, I was I got out of college and I Was unemployable because

I didn't know anything. I didn't know anybody. And uh the idea that someone was going to support me, meaning my parents, was un unheard of. I mean, in both in my generation and and in my family. So, I was I came back and I got a bunch of jobs. I worked at everything in the world because you could always get a job in Chicago. And uh I got involved in in in theater and I saw some stuff that I found very provocative. So, I started Writing plays about it. Right. One was I as I as

I said I used to play in this poker game with a bunch of thieves and I really and then I used to work in a boiler room selling uh land over the telephone. Boiler room used to be you put 20 guys in a phone in on a phone in a room and they have to call up to people and say oh you know Mr. Lee I see that you've interested in land because you wrote in for a brochure about land in Arizona. It's kind of like Glengarian Or Exactly. Yeah. So I got I saw these

things that uh that interested meow and then I started writing reading Czechov's plays. Anton Czechov is that the Star Trek guy or the other one. Star Wars. Not Star Trek. Star Wars. Okay. Just do it. Oh, there's a guy called Check Off in Star Wars. No. Hey, wait a second. I got I got a question for you people. How do you How do you remember the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars? I can tell you got to say a million things about it. What are you talking about? He can tell you. He can tell

you. He's obsessed with Star Trek. They're completely different world. Which is Star Trek? Star Trek is um based in Earth on Earth like the society that we live in. Yeah. But like hundreds of years from now. Yeah. And then we have a um you What's so funny? It's a crew. It's a the Enterprise. It's a crew of explorers from Earth that Explore. William Shatner. Yes. It's William Shatner. Shatner. Yeah. Did you like him? Well, yeah, cuz I I I I'm mad at him because he [ __ ] me once. Not not literally, but in a

job. How? Oh my god, it was the worst. I get a call from um build the Billboard Awards. Remember they used to have these stupid award shows? These annoying award shows? I don't remember. Okay, we want you to do a sketch with William Shatner because they knew I was A Star Trek fan. And I go, "Yeah, I'll do it." So they fly me in. It's basically a scene with me and William Shatner at a poker table, right? So, I'm sitting there waiting for William Shatner, right? And he comes in and there was another guy that

they hired too from LA. I forgot it. It was a black guy. I love black people. Anyway, anyway, Willie Shepro goes in. He goes, "You're out. You're out." And then they dragged me out of the tent and He goes, "He just rewrote it just now." So, I got back on the plane and flew back to LA. Wow. Yeah. Whoa. William Shatner. No blacks, no Asians. That's his way. Yeah. Yeah. Now we know who he really is. Aurora and no [ __ ] No, but wait a second. I got a question about William Shatner. Okay, but

it just occurred to me. Yeah. He's reading his newspaper out in the back by his swimming pool, right? And his wife, who was an Olympic, like a AA swimmer, Is swimming around the pool, swimming around the pool, swimming around the pool. And she comes over and apparently according to him, he put his h foot accidentally on her head and uh she drowned. She died. Yeah. So my question is what was he reading? I'm sober. I'm a good guy, you know. But speaking of Wait, wait, wait, wait. Speaking speaking of Louis CK, dude. Speaking of Louis

CK, we talk about Louis that u when we were doing this JFK Movie, I know him from around, right? And he was considering playing Jack Ruby against his Lee Harvey. How How awesome would that You guys know him too, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nice guy. Yeah. Also, you know, I get so nervous around him. Also, one of the greatest me comedic writers that we've ever seen. That's what I'm saying. It's to be the same thing that I initially like it's the same kind of thing. Sure. Sure. Sure. So, wait a second. So, I called

up Louie. So, we're starting this new thing, right? We're going going right to the people and calling up Louisie because I knew he was doing it. I said, "What's the secret?" He said, "There's no secret. Call up my guy." I call up the guy. The guy says, "Yeah, there's no secret. You go online, henryjsonovie.com. You put up an Instagram, wherever the [ __ ] that thing is, and you and you go out and you talk to people like you and People buy your buy your product. That's the secret. That's is you don't have an Instagram.

Crack that code. Yeah. Louie learned very early on when he did the first iteration of his Louis show. I don't know if you ever saw it. Yeah. But it was almost mocking multicam. It was like a clever kind of spin on [ __ ] on multicam. And I don't think people got it right. So then when he did Yeah. Lucky Lou. That's what it was. And then when he did his second iteration of it, Which was Louis on FX, he kind of just stopped all the [ __ ] and was like, I'm just going to

give you my world my way without any [ __ ] directional notes from a studio and a thing. And the deal they made with him was he got to write it, direct it, produce it, and and edit and push it out the way he wanted. So they didn't touch it. So he was really the groundbreaker for to be fair what we do, too. like this podcast [ __ ] it's because of those formats. Cuz he Was like, "Fuck it. Nobody tells us what to do." And if you did, I don't want to work with you.

So every time FX was like, "You can't do this or you could do this." He was like, "I'm telling you again, either I'm going to do it or it just doesn't happen. That's okay." So we kind of did this cuz this was our answer to, you know, him and I going through the business and either not getting roles or auditioning a lot and getting tired and being like, "We want to make Our I've had enough waiting in line." Yeah. He's waited too long. Can't do it anymore. Audition. Audition. I'm done. I'm done. And also, I

think Rogan and Mark Maron also paved the way in terms of like having this format be something that we can just be like, you know, like [ __ ] Hollywood. Yeah. But we wanted to be goofs. We just wanted to be goofs. We wanted to goof all the time. Yeah. Which is hard to do now. It's not easy to do. It's not It's not easy to do. Well, I Think we we just don't take our It's just This is This was a fantasy town. I mean, we painted this to look like a [ __ ]

child's room. It's so hard to do you can't actually talk about it without kind of destroying the magic of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We don't want it. Yeah. We don't want to. Yeah. Yeah. We keep it We keep it rolling. This has been such a blessing. You know what I mean? Yeah. For me, too. Well, thank you. Yeah. You a couple I told You. Yeah. You told me. I told him the bond that was kind of crazy for David that you may not know was that Bobby went to rehab when his dad died

and we started this show because of his because his dad passed away and then he got clean again. And we just wanted something to like [ __ ] around and go make something. And we started this and then the pandemic hit and terrible to say but it was the greatest [ __ ] thing that ever happened to us because Then we could just be free and we got a little So no one was making anything and we were in the studio every [ __ ] week and just doing our [ __ ] so great and

we had no rules and no tired I got tired of being dead. Yeah, I really did. I got sick of it. you know, co hit and then the [ __ ] theater died and I got blacklisted and nobody wanted to do my plays and nobody wanted to do my movies over there. I just got [ __ ] tired of being dead and somebody called up and Said, "Let's do the play." And then we did the play and he said, "Let's do the movie." And now I'm not dead anymore. Now we're about to do another movie.

Many more movies, it sounds like. Yeah. What's crazy is that he has that feeling. You know what I mean? It's like a Yeah. It's Yeah. You know what I mean? Which is comforting to hear. Yeah. But don't we all feel that? Well, that's the thing. You think guys like that don't No, I know. I think the older I get, the More I learn that everyone has that weird feeling of like it's gone. It's over, but it's not. He says that [ __ ] weekly. Yeah, but that's almost a shtick. You know, you're not going to

work. Thank you. Yeah. God, sh be here every week. Yeah. No, I'm not dead. I'm not dead either. Did you know Picasso? Picasso? Yeah. No, you don't. He did. He did die in the in the [ __ ] 80s, right? That's what I'm saying. He could have known. Dolli could he could Have known. Did you you ever hang out with Sam Shepard? You guys ever go, "Hey, you know, man, I like your [ __ ] Hey, let's uh" Nothing. Never in passing. Like, uh, no. We all want each other dead, man. Yeah. Wow. Wow. We're

worse than an Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They say, "Okay, the money that you're making with your [ __ ] is taking food out of my children's mouths." Yeah. I hope you die. It is sport. It's sport. It is. Well, comics Used to be like that, but then we realized because of um the New York New York comedy scene that we banded together, you know what I mean? And we just live within our ecosystem and we help each other by doing each other's podcast. They all grow. Yeah. Right. So, we I think

10 years ago it was doggy dog. I mean, what if the difference became we all were fighting for the same slice of pie and the business blinded us to think that there was only one slice For us. Yeah. And then once we kind of cracked this code, we were like, "Oh, [ __ ] We can all eat and we can eat different [ __ ] We don't have to eat the same [ __ ] I don't even like that kind of pie." That's just like Chicago in the 70s. All these little theater companies sprang up,

right? And we each had our own flavor and it we each had an audience and we worked with each other. It was great. That's exactly what we are now. That's literally what we've Discovered that we were like, "Oh, we don't even want to [ __ ] eat that [ __ ] anyway, so we'll make our own." And then we found that we had our own audiences that liked it. And so the gatekeepers as they were slowly kind of, you know, [ __ ] off. They didn't have power. Well, they had they had less and less

power because we weren't be singing for our supper anymore. We were like, "We're going to go cook our own [ __ ] food. I don't I don't want to do it anymore." And so comedy did used to be that way. It was cutthroat. We hated each other cuz, you know, back Carson was the spot. Those guys wanted to [ __ ] slit each other's throat. For us, Tonight Show, doing Letterman, you know what I mean? getting those then getting a Comedy Central half hour or maybe getting an HBO special was impossible as a young person.

So I think it just cracked. It recently cracked which is what you guys are doing with the movie. Same thing. It Completely it's over. I say it's like the Eerie Canal, right? However great the Eerie Canal was in 1825. You can't put enough money into to make the Eerie Canal work again when the railroads come in. You can't put enough money into Snow [ __ ] White, right? to make the studio system work again when the pot exists. Yeah. Nobody Nobody's watching, right? Yeah. Nobody's watching. What's the last great thing that you've watched that's new?

Last great thing that I watched was New. I liked um Casablanca. That was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's looking at you, kid. Well, he just learned about it yesterday. Yeah. Who do you think Who do you think is someone that You don't have to answer this if you don't want to. Who's someone that you were excited to work with that let you down and then vice versa? Who are you? Who who who you like? He's got to say that name. Well, he might do. No, I don't think I No, My first rea You're talking

about actors. Anybody anybody in Well, all of all the producers let me know. Every one of them are a bunch of swine. Trash. Hate them. But at least back in the old days of the studio system, you got betrayed by a better class of people. Right. Right. You got [ __ ] politely. Exactly. So, okay, I'll give you the opposite version of that then. Who's someone that you kind of were not were surprised by or or or Yeah. You were happily surprised that you you worked with them and you thought I I I respected and

liked them, but you were blown away by their work. Well, I I've sh sitting right there. By the way, I've worked I've worked with the greatest actors over the last 50 years, including Shai who's no never worked with a better actor. Yeah. Ever. What about Jin Hagman? Same thing. never work better act the [ __ ] up. Rest in peace, you [ __ ] bastard. [ __ ] Shut up. How Come you never mentioned the Asian lady either? His wife. Yeah. You didn't talk about her. It's always she What about Wait a second. What's her

name? He went on a big Jean. So I never worked with a better actor than Jean. Oh yeah. So Jean introduced the first time I met him introduces me to his wife Betsy who was a concert violinist, an Asian woman. And he says, "This is my wife Betsy. I met her in a massage parlor. How would it last so long? Well, that's why she killed him recently. That was that that joke lasted long enough. Like, how did you give Alpuccino notes? Did you give him notes? I never give anybody notes. I never give you a

note. No, not notes. No. No. Here's the thing. You work with a great actor. If you know what you're doing, what you get on opening night in the theater is the cast and the script. That's it. All right. the the the direction the staging Through nobody [ __ ] cares. So when you work with actors who know what they're doing, you say okay like how do we rehearse the movie except for Blanca? We I've never rehearsed a movie. Wow. Right. You you work say you know what you're doing. You got any questions? Then let's play

the stupid [ __ ] scene. Right. That that's all that's all that there is. Did you ever have a big fight with Pacino? A big No. No. I had a big fight with Dairo though. What Happened? What happened? Well, it was just over the phone. He um he was doing the Untouchables, right? And I wrote the Untouchables and he calls me up. He says, "Um, I got some questions about the script." He's shooting. I said, "Well, hold on. Aren't you supposed to ask the director about the question?" And the director, "No, no, the director, Brian

Deal, had talked to you." He said, "Tal." I said, "You have questions about the Script?" I said, "Yeah." I said, "Did they did you read the script before you took the part?" He says, "Yeah." I said, "Why? The script got worse because they're paying you two million bucks for a week's work." Slam. So, we didn't we didn't talk for years and years and years and then I ran into him. So, he was very I did like he did like four or five movies that I wrote Dairo and he and he said, "You know, blah blah

blah." He said, "You know what? I called you One, you called me one, I have the greatest respect for you." I said, "Bob, I have the greatest respect for you." So, we go to have do a m a reading of some film. I think it was the edge that was originally eventually played with um Sean Conry. No, it was Anthony Hopkins. Hopkins and Alec Baldwin. So, one of the great secrets about when the anybody asks you to do a reading is they're never going to do the movie. Right. Never. Right. Because they use the reading

unconsciously as a way to get out of doing the movie. And so the movie star, the main guy is gonna mumble and everyone's gonna audition at the reading. So it's garbage. So anyway, we do the reading and I talked to Bob afterward. I said, "What do you think?" He said, "It's good. It's really good, but it's just not for me at this moment. It's just not it. It's I I only have so many of them and it's got to be it for Me. It's got to be It's got to be great for me. Yeah, it's

got to be great." He said, "Do you do you is that okay?" I said, "Of course." He said, "You you you are you mad at me?" I said, "Of course not." He said, "Are you sure you're not mad at me?" I said, "No." He says, "Good, cuz I got this piece of [ __ ] I'm supposed to shoot on Monday. I wonder if you could take a look at it." But Wag the Dog they came in for the table, Reed? Wag the dog? Yeah, but I Wasn't there. You didn't come in for the table? So,

it was just Hoffman and Dairo, whoever it was. But, uh, we did Wag the Dog. Barry Levenson called me up. He said, "I got this idea. It's in a book. president gets in trouble. He's got to go to war. I say, "Oh, oh, I got it. He's getting in trouble because they caught him in the closet [ __ ] a girl scout." He says, "Yeah, go write it." So, I go write it. And two months later, they were shooting it. Wow. Wow. Two Months. Yeah. [ __ ] Wow. That'll never happen again. That kind of

[ __ ] It was great. Do you like the new I mean, you the Bill Bur I mean the Glen Glenn. I mean, have you seen it yet with Yeah, I think they're great. Okay. The reason that [ __ ] will never happen again is because those conversations aren't happening like that anymore. Correct. Yeah, they're gone. You never have Eleven call a guy up and be like, "Hey, like two crafts people be able to have That conversation unadulterated without any of the keepers, you know, the minders." And God, you're a bright kid. All right, stop

it. Oh my god. I You know, when I even since I met you back in the day, you're a bright kid. Hey, thanks, father. Yeah. Yeah. He's a grown man. No, but he's always knew me as a kid. I met him as a kid. I met him on a razor scooter. He was riding Bumblebee. You don't dare refer to me as that. No, you're not as bright as Shy. There's no Way. I think also because you'll physically you'll harm him. I do want to harm you. I know that all the [ __ ] time. But

it's hug love. It's love. It's It's I love him. No, you have you have rage love. It's rage. Okay, be honest. David doesn't know us well enough to know how much do I love you. David, have you been in a fist fight? Yes, he has. For sure. Yeah, for sure. I was I've been very involved. He's like a black belt, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I am a Black. Yeah, he's a jiu-jitsu black belt. Really? Yeah. Wow. But um I actually got Yeah. When I was a kid, I got in fights, but the only fight I

actually got into, you know, outside of the mat and in boxing like [ __ ] As I was walking down Fifth Avenue, these guys were playing, uh, three-card monty. And so, um, as my great friend Ricky Jay, the great magician, said, "Three card monty is not a game of skill. It's not a game of chance. It's not a game." So, the guy says, "Okay, put your money down." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The the red you get ahead. The black you get back. 20 gets you 40. 40 gets you 80. 80 gets you a little

little 80. Where's the Where's the red card? Where's the red card? He does this thing, right? And and so he says, "Oops, we'll take that's not the red card. That's gone. Where's the red card?" So I know where the red card is. It's where you're not supposed to look. So I take it and I go over there And I turn the card over, which you're not supposed to do because they never let you win, right, in three card monty because if you say, "I want that card." Oh, he he upsets it and you have to

start again. So I turn the card over and the guy punched me in the [ __ ] face. So really? Yeah. Did it hurt? It's on Fifth Avenue. Oh, sure. It was Fifth Avenue and uh right near right near Rockefeller Center. You swung back. No, I just I was In They disappeared. Ah, right. Right. Took your money and ran. Wow. Yeah. Did you know Kurasawa? I didn't know Kur I saw him once. He was at the the um the um premiere of RAM at You were at the premier of Ran? Yes. In New York. Oh

my god. And he was there. He's Beautiful man. Big man. He's like 6'4, I think. And he was there. He was that big. Yeah. He's a big man. Yeah. He had black feet, too. Something right happened where he was in the snow or something. No. Yeah. Frostbite. Frostbite. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably got it on deer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you Which What's What's your favorite Kurosa film? I'm a huge fan. I know I bring it up a lot. Go [ __ ] yourselves. All right. He does love, I think. Well, here let me let me

say four of them, right? There's Sir Usa. Certainly. Yes. Stray dog because it's got Tekashi Shimura who was the greatest actor who ever lived. Yeah. Tekkashi Shimura. And then um Seven Samurai. Yes. Which is perfect. But then God forgive me. I think he screwed up the end of Rashimon because he added an extra scene after the movie's over. Oh. Really? Yeah. These guys trying to hit A lot of them were guys wearing like diapers trying to hit each other with sticks or swords. Oh, right. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. You see High and Low. Sure. Not

only did I see High and Low, I rewrote it, but uh that I was uh Who was it? See, Scorsesei came to me And says, "You you know, High and Low." I say, "Yeah." He says, "You want to re redo it?" I say, "Yeah." He said, "What do you think of the movie?" I said, "It's a great movie, but they missed the ending. They they it has the wrong ending." So, I figured the ending and I wrote it to Scorsese. And Scorsesei wrote it back with a bunch of scribbled notes. [ __ ] [ __

] [ __ ] [ __ ] And then a bunch of stuff happened. I Think Spike Lee did another version now. I don't think it has anything to do with my script. Hey, Andreas. Wow. Yes. Director. This is a director now. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Andreas, behold your eyes, right? Yeah. Yeah. Did you bow to him on the way in? Yeah. You [ __ ] better. Whatever he wants, you do. I Whatever he wants. Foot stool. You're the foottool. Okay. He wants to spit in your mouth. He gets to spin your mouth.

Spin your mouth, right? He did. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. So, um, can I ask you something? Yeah. Mr. Met. Um, did you enjoy yourself on this podcast? He wants I've had I've had a great time, you guys. I mean, come on. Get out of here. I'm a Okay, here's one for you, Andreas. I'm a man who likes enjoys talking to a man who likes to talk. It's Sydney Green Street in Casablanca. Way to go, [ __ ] up. He's not ready. Hit him Again. You're not ready. You're not ready. And this is why you're not

ready. You are ready. You're not ready. Hit him again. Hit him again with something else. Give him another, please. Okay. Fiddle DD. I'll worry about it tomorrow. Who's that? God, this feels so You're not ready. You're not ready at all, dude. That's that that I believe the last line of gone with the [ __ ] Come on, dude. the [ __ ] [ __ ] maybe you could be boom operator for that. Thank You. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, he's going to go home tonight, talk to his wife, and Oh, he's going to kill himself.

He's going to kill himself. Yeah. He's like, David, wait a second. I got David Mamemoth insult me in front of the crew over and over. I got one million people watching ever. Okay. Yeah. Well, that happened. You're not ready. He wrote it. I He [ __ ] wrote it. He wrote it. It's in It's in state and Maine. Alec Baldwin is In a car with Julius Styles and he's drunk. He turns the car over. They're drunk out of their mind. She's underage. Crawls out. He looks at the car about to blow up and he says,

"Well, that happened." Yeah, we we all know. You know what I mean? But I don't I don't know, man. I I apologize, Dave. How do you not know that? Just for good measure, just for to sink it in for everybody, uh please go see the movie right now. It's It's available now. Right now. We command as a duo. Henry Johnson. Watch it. If you listen to this right now, you watch it right now, dude. Please go see Henry Johnson. We're going to put the link in the description down below because it means a lot to

us. Support our friends and our family. That's kind of the big thing about our fan base. They do like to support our family. We love that. Continue on and please go watch Henry Johnson at henry johnsonmov.com. We we really appreciate you guys coming. This means a lot to us. so fun and enlightening and um yeah and [ __ ] you Andreas as well. Oh yeah, I love you. I love you and we'll do your zombie movie. Thank you. Oh, he's got us a zombie movie he wants us to What do you think about zombie movies?

I love them. Yeah. Yeah. Train to Busousan. You ever see that one? Which one? Train to Busousan. But I thought it was really interesting that we have all these things about Zombies and vampires because it was a it was about a culture that was dying, right? America, Western culture is not no longer dying anymore. It's like it's like the Japanese have a term a matsu or matsuko means pine pine tree, but it also means vigorous old age. So that's what I think we're looking at now. And you thought you were looking for a dismount. Yeah,

we're digging a new hole, baby. I got to be honest with you. We're digging a new hole. Keep rolling. I thought you guys You're really going to have to cut out the line about William Shatner's dickn along. No, no, no. But now we need to keep going to make up for it. Old old old Korea. What is it? Old and what's the pine tree? Vigorous old age. Vigorous old vigorous old vigorous old age. Vigorous old age. Can you say the word one more time in Japanese? Matsu or Matsuko? Matuko. Matuk means pine tree. And it's

also a name. Is that true? I'm Korean. You [ __ ] you [ __ ] [ __ ] D. Oh, is it really? Yeah. Yeah. Oh [ __ ] David, you know a lot of Koreans or No. Do I know a lot of Koreans? I don't think I know a lot of Koreans. of the Asians. How do Koreans rank of your Asians? Oh, they're up there. Are they up there? Tip top. Japanese, Chinese, Korean. You like Koreans up there or No, I like them all. Yeah. Yeah, he likes all the We lump them all. You

know what? Koreans are Koreans are [ __ ] tough. They are. What? I'll tell you like this. The difference for me is you get off the plane in in Japan and no music is playing in the car. Right. Right. And and maybe they'll ask you if you'd like to listen to your music in the car. In Korea, you're listening to their music and they don't give a [ __ ] what you're listening to. Yeah, I like that. And there's something about that. Yeah, I like that. They tell you what's You're In my [ __ ]

Yeah, I like that. Then you know you're in Korea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Koreans are the [ __ ] We're the best. That's Bob's mom, by the way. That's his mother right behind him. That's his mother. His beautiful mother. Beautiful. That is her. She has cross eyes. That's what she does. She's crossed in real life. Trying to fix it. Guys, thank you so much. Can somebody before you guys go, look, this is a dream of mine. So, we have a script for You for you to write. That's going to be it, guys. Thank you so much.

And you guys to act in. Oh. Oh. Okay. Give me the [ __ ] Give me the [ __ ] Who did this? Is this your [ __ ] Whose script is it? Oh, wait a sec. Wait a second. This is like a Make a Wish show. One more story. We have We have enough time. We just want to make sure you guys don't have all the time in the world. We have nowhere to go. So, anyway, so my mother, rest in peace, was ill for a long, long Time. I mean, it was a woman

who was her caregiver and uh she saved she she elongated my my my mother's life by by years and loved my mother and just marvelous and made a lot of personal sacrifices and my mom died and this woman came up to me and I said I I don't know how to thank you for your I mean it's I it's beyond what I it's it's godly what you've done. It's beyond generous. if there's anything in the world that I could do for you, anything Ever that I could do for you. And she said, "Well, my my

nephew wrote a film script." I said, "Anything but that." Can one of you guys would look into that camera and go, "Thank you for being a bad friend." Yeah. Thank you for being a bad friend. Love that, dude. Thank you guys. So good. Amazing. Woo! Yeah! Woo! [Music]