if you step back a little bit you're testing whether or not this person really wants to work with you and if they're not interested in working with you no matter what kind of skills verbal ninjutsu skills that you might have they're not it's not going to work so don't waste your time with them to retain the higher ground in the conversation don't pursue [Music] the perspective that i'm most aligned with which is what blair ends is going to say and that comes straight from the wind without pitching manifesto blair's perspective is that when you chase
after someone and you chase after a job their tendency is the one to run away and it happens in dating it happens in nature if you feel chaste you feel threatened you feel like the other person is desperate that there's something else at hand but what you want to do is practice something that he calls retreat and follow it's very basic concept and every relationship this is true which is you take a half step back to see if the person's interested and they naturally will follow for example if you are at a party or something
and you just take a half step back people will move towards you if they're interested or they'll leave okay and we like to pursue people we don't like to be pursued so when i say you should try to kill engagement at least three times that's straight from the wind without pitching manifesto is you say things to make sure that the other party is really engaged jonathan stark has a very simple formula on how to do this he says ask three why questions why this like why do we need to do this why now why can't
we wait and then why me of all the options you have why would you want to work with me because i'm more likely to come in more expensive than everyone else and depending on how you phrase this in terms of your tonality it's very effective because they're like well i really do need to do this because this is really important to our company you notice you took a half step half step back well why don't you just wait why not do nothing well no it's really urgent we need to do this now because our business
depends on it there's thousands of dollars on the line if we don't nail this okay and lastly why me well we heard great things about you we saw things on your website that look exactly like where we want to go with this and so in that way they are selling themselves to themselves in front of you so you take away all the convincing you take away all the persuasion and the selling and the pitching by just asking three why questions now when you read other negotiation books other sales books they're going to say very similar
things and there's more nuance here if you read chris foster's book never split the difference he'll say ask calibrated questions and he recommends not asking why questions because if you don't phrase it right if your tone isn't right it can make the person feel really defensive so if you are still practicing your client communication skills and your objection responding skills i would encourage you at this point in time to use the what questions and not even to ask the how questions what questions really are open-ended and it's easier for people to remain neutral and objective
okay so what happens if you don't move forward with this project what happens if you just wait versus why so let me recap here because there's a lot to process if you step back a little bit you're testing whether or not this person really wants to work with you and if they're not interested in working with you no matter what kind of skills verbal ninjutsu skills that you might have they're not it's not going to work so don't waste your time with them to retain the higher ground in the conversation don't pursue and you do
that by retreating hi my name is greg gunn and i'm the producer of the future podcast and yes we do have a podcast in fact we've been having one for years and that's exactly why i'm here talking with you you see it's really good and i think you should listen to it if you like what we do here on youtube then you're gonna love what we do on the podcast you'll get to hear intimate conversations and personal stories from some familiar faces and others you might not know about yet plus you can listen to it
while doing something else and you won't miss a thing so if any of that sounds interesting to you go visit thefuture.com podcast or find it on your favorite podcast listening app i hope to see you there [Music]
