Middle School teachers what is the cringiest thing you've seen a student do director of Technology here I don't really have much to do with the kids at the school I work at but I definitely have a cringy moment call down to the Middle School from my office to debug a problem for a teacher the classrooms in this building all have two doors one door opens into the building hallways the other opens to the outside my office is across a field from the middle school so I decide to just cut across the field and enter the
side door to the classroom instead of going all the way around the field and entering the classroom from the hallway bear in mind that these outside doors are almost never used by anyone except for an occasional fire drill I open the door and step in to see a room full of students facing away from me and towards their teacher the student closest to me scrambles to click x on a browser but not before I see full-on hardcore yowie hentai did I mention I work at a Christian private school she turns bright red and with visibly
trembling hands she closes her laptop lid I burst out laughing when she interrupted the class the teacher looks to me in questioning confusion and the students stare in silence I casually walked over her and said loudly enough for the classroom to hear let's not look at memes in Facebook joke looks at school guys her flesh red face contorted with fear suddenly relaxed her Trembling Hands stilled I laughed again and went and debugged the wireless access point issue I was called down for no point getting her expelled over hormonal changes in curiosity Valentine's Day and a
boy brings a girl a dozen roses they were both in my homeroom so I watched this all go down right in front of me I had literally never seen these two have a conversation before either girl didn't know what to do with roses at 7am so she threw the roses in the trash can literally 20 seconds after it happened and went on her Merry way the boy never found out we had this one kid in our eighth grade class stick his entire hand in a cake that was being passed around for a party grab a
chunk and started eating it like a neanderthal it was chocolate and his face was covered when he finished his chunk of cake with everyone looking in disgust he then proceeded to lick every finger it was torture watching he also ended up being the kid that threatened to blow up the school at the end of the year oh my God I had a kid carve his own name in his desk but he couldn't figure out how he caught him strange isn't it around the 8th grade dance season they call it prom there's a whole lot of
cringiness roaming the Halls one popular tactic among the boys was explained to me we asked the girl to prom and then we run away so she can't say no I caught the student on Google search attempting to look me up he spelled my name wrong and my name is very common so I wasn't worried I sent him home since it was an after school homework club and then went through the rest of the history which included boobs naked women Megan Fox nudes and Megan Fox panties one of the other students in the class kind of
picked up on what was happening and mentioned that he has also been kicked out of the public library for similar reasons a more innocent story I was fixing the little girl next door's laptop she shouldn't have a laptop and her grandmother doesn't monitor anything she does because she doesn't know computers I decided to peek in her computer history since she was seven or eight at the time I was curious what kids her age did on the computer most of it was super spammy sites but then I found a collection of how to prank call and
what is Miley Cyrus's phone number I was amused there was always this kid that would go up to Guys shake their hands and deeply sniff their necks one day a teacher asked why he did this to guys and all he said was if I did it to girls it'd be weird I once offered a boy a My Little Pony color by number sheet ran out of Super Mario the boy's response mister I'm not gay I'm a lesbian I like girls I mean to his credit he's not wrong but he is incorrect I was demonstrating convection
which included burning some newspaper one kid piped up with hmm that smells like incest he meant incense they were too young to get it but I nearly died trying not to laugh my husband teaches English at a middle school he brought some creative writing assignments home to grade and since I'm an assistant teacher for much younger humans kindergarten he drafted me into helping him sort through the mess and grade them we've made good progress through the stack when I pick up a paper that had a kiss Mark near the name and lipstick okay that's odd
but I'm used to working with kids who are only just figuring out bathroom habits a little lipstick on a report is hardly weird in my book plus middle school then I see the name Han who is R Husband without missing a beat R is this goth kid who looks like a rainbow threw up on him after having Marathon screwing with the Unicorn I look back at the kiss Mark glitter lipstick nice shade choice if the kid is going for goth pale I read his creative writing assignment I get up halfway through to go pour myself
some more wine it's an extremely well written gay Story featuring my husband and another teacher at the school this kid is going places I don't know what those places are but he's going places I had a student who would constantly button to people's conversations and when they asked him to mind his own business he'd stand up and Proclaim nobody likes me everyone thinks I'm so annoying and he'd laugh while everyone awkwardly stared at him another kid literally told me one time that he would just act annoying so that he can impress a certain group of
boys they were not impressed well at least that first kid is honest with himself I had a sixth grader lick a book he definitely tried to keep it on the DL so he looked around made sure Nolan was looking in his Direction and then licked the book it was a tongue poke then a full out lick up the spine of the book I had a classmate who had to give a presentation using PowerPoint so there's a computer hooked up to a projector that is pointed at the screen that fills the wall this guy sticks his
USB with his presentation in the computer and it automatically loads the images he had on it in a gallery he had a folder full of pictures of girls from his class he had downloaded from Facebook that was kind of awkward my mom is a middle school English teacher once a student snuck a bar of soap into her class ate it and proceeded to run out of the classroom and start vomiting apparently he did it to impress his friends one of the kids responded to questions like Pikachu shamed that a good kid is going to look
back on those days with absolute horror not a student in particular but a whole bunch of them I was a substitute teacher for a few years of my University breaks but last January was the worst middle school day I've ever had 8th grade science class I asked the kids to open their textbooks and work on the assignment a girl shyly raises her hand and says Miss there's something inappropriate in my book of course some kids remember I calmly tell her to erase it and move on three more kids say the same thing I say if
you have something inappropriate in your book please just erase it every kid starts whining about how there's members in their books since they won't shut up about it I take the offending books and replace them with different books from the back of the room every single book had a huge member drawn in it all 90-something of them crudely drawn members artistic members Squidward screwing SpongeBob you name it it was there the kids rioted I almost quit I taught fourth grade last year and I had a student who was 12 years old middle school age held
back a few years she always did very odd things to try to impress her classmates but they were relatively tame until there was a line in the bathroom and she took her pants off squatted over the trash can and peed four or five girls came running out of the bathroom and told on her I once confiscated what I first thought was a note being passed in class but turned out to be a gay fanfic one of my students wrote pairing two of her classmates had an 8th grade girl pretend to pass out because she was
upset she got written up for screaming that another girl was a freaking jerk in the middle of a science lesson then got upset when that other girl didn't also get in trouble for looking at her wrong in the Dean's office she was so quote unquote upset that she pretended to faint complete with back of the Palm to the forehead and dramatic exhale and then laid on the floor until we were forced to call an ambulance before the ambulance came mom walked in she worked right across the street and said dang it Jennifer we're not doing
this again so evidently this was a regular happening around their house at this point the girl squinted her eyes open but refused to actually get up when the squad got there they checked her vitals and basically knew she was fine they had to take her because we can't take chances with this stuff in schools we all just kind of looked at each other and Shrugged so yeah that was cringy I will relay a short story that my seventh grade bio teacher told us in that class we dissected a cow eyeball the year before us a
student pocketed the lens of the eye looks like a yellowish hard thing about the size of a peanut m m in his next class he stood up and swallowed it in front of everyone another teacher told me about a student he had who would come to school in different costumes Ninja Soldier Etc and stay in character the whole day I do not remember the details but there was an incident in which he threw throwing stars during a talent show in sixth grade science class our teacher asked if anyone knew what the Arms of an octopus
were called and this kid immediately raised his hand and blurted out testicles everyone was laughing including the teacher who also snorted his face was so red kids were close to school with the price tag sticking out when asked why I was informed that this was to let everyone know he was wearing new clothes I thought this was going to end with the kid having stolen them I work for a private school at this point that's really all you have to say this middle schooler recently started dating another one the girl decided to come to school
in a black leather mini skirt and black leather tank top combo at recess which I watched because it's a small school she was dancing all around in front of her boyfriend and hanging off the fence a la stripper it was hilarious and so cringy one student wanted to ask me if I had a doppelganger what he actually said was do you have a dingleberry I also had a girl ask me what food stamps were which isn't surprising because the district is very affluent I explained but she still seemed confused so she asked what it means
to quote blow a trucker for food stamps evidently she was reading a book meant for a more mature audience and her worldly knowledge hadn't caught up to her reading level yet I organized an activity that was sort of like never have I ever but positive and meant to build empathy basically a student would say you're a my boat if and whatever they say that is the same as you you have to stand up and find another chair great Activity one of the girls who I often found puzzling because she just did and said things that
were nonsensical started her period and got blood all over multiple chairs some kids start looking at the seats and have no idea what's going on the girls in the class figure it out but don't say anything they just avoid said tainted chairs the boys however are as dumb as a box of rocks and are touching it and sitting in the seats I'm sitting there horrified since one that's disgusting two I didn't initially know who was pulling a carry and three how the heck do I nonchalantly stop the activity to get this biohazard cleaned up and
no one really notices after a short observation of the students I noticed that the one girl was the unfortunate cause of all this I told her that she was to do a favor for me and I stepped outside I asked her if she knew that she started her period and she said yes I sent her to the office and then went back in the room for damage control I honestly don't know how I concocted a magical excuse but I told all the kids that we were invited to go to the library for silent reading time
but had to go now because all all the good squishy seats will be taken if they didn't hustle they believed me and I sent them down there a few girls stayed behind that figured out what happened and I told them I knew and sent them as well I finally got on the phone and informed the unfortunate janitor about the bloodbath in my room this student spent an entire semester speaking in a Russian accent for an experiment no one questioned him first day back from winter break he is back to talking normal we were all incredibly
confused and his parents ended up going to the superintendent about our school allowing bullying I teach history and let my students do a PowerPoint presentation on the history of anything some kid did the history of furries he came to class wearing his fursuit honestly kids got guts I respect him for that I teach 8th grade the student had talked to me previously in private about how the girl he liked was in my class the same period he was he said that they had almost dated when they were both at their previous school before transferring to
the one where I teach on top of that all the other students were aware that he had a major crush on this girl so one day he finished his classwork early and apparently he just couldn't take the hormones raging inside of him anymore he blurts out loud enough for everyone in class to hear Look girl's name are you gonna date me or what I pretend to work through this while cringing so hard on the inside I see every other student in the room work through this from shock to laughter to Pure amazement and curiosity as
to both why he would choose this moment and what on Earth her response would be the girl very politely said I'm just not looking for a relationship right now thanks for asking though had a kid who legitimately believed he was a Sith like from Star Wars his helicopter Mama come flying down to the school crying religious discrimination if he told him otherwise he would relax his throat and talk in a deep voice and say it was his real voice but he disguised his voice to not scare his human Brethren on free dress days he'd wear
an all denim outfit with high waters and denim vest over a denim shirt I had him for science so he blurred out things about alchemy from an anime he was into whenever we were working with the periodic table he also had a girlfriend who lived in Mexico who was also his cousin humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return to obtain something of equal value must be lost that is alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange not a teacher but in 7th grade biology we dissected rats and the teacher warned that they might be
juicy from preservatives so I grabbed my dead rat turn it over in the air and shouted you gotta squeeze the pudding out of it my lab made fainted as brown juices poured onto the table I'm now an adult biologist who does not do quite the same stuff scratch their butt with a ruler inside their pants and then put the ruler back into the container of rulers not a teacher but I interned with one recently apart from the kid who insisted on being called Frisk undertale I guess but the craze had died down so it was
just weird there was one girl who wore a cat ear headband kind of cute since they were the metal silhouette type that kids wear but she paired it with the freaking cat tail a big black and white furry Cattail not a teacher but when I was in school those track pants with snaps down the side were popular the boys would try to yank the pants off each other during class changes and they all wore basketball shorts underneath one day some guy thought it would be funny to rip off a girl's track pants however she didn't
have shorts on bright purple undies on show and the look of Terror on that boy's face was hilarious she just ran off and a friend followed with her pants just finished my first year of teaching middle school I had one particular student who did not view me as an authority and refused to work in my class this was especially concerning because the student was placed in an advanced class and chose not to learn purely because of who the teacher was this also meant that the students classmates were well behaved gifted students one day while the
whole class was completing an assignment this student was not working when I addressed the issue the student threw a fit and started crawling around on the floor underneath the other students desks now I don't know when you've last been in a middle school classroom but the floor is absolutely filthy this student thoroughly embarrassed themselves as was evident about the looks received from the other students the whole situation was extremely awkward for everyone especially when the student realized that they would get no support from the other students kid in a fedora offering high fives in the
hallway but then dabbing just before the other person's handmade contact it was supposed to be a prank for a vlog I had a couple of Markiplier fangirls a couple years ago that just gave me the heebie-jeebies a group of about 20 kids that run up and down the Halls shouting about memes one of which when asked what he did over the weekend started with so do you know the insert obscure meme while making Earth Day posters one kid tried to disguise pot leaves as palm trees there were several I love trees on it Earth Day
was on 422 so he also wrote the first two with the Swirl at the end so that it looked like he'd written 420 but it just looked like 4202 I probably should keep a list but they happen so often that I don't think I'd ever be able to keep up with it one of my mother's students took a whole pizza in the Box out of our office and just started eating when told to stop and put it back he licked the rest of the pizza and asked if he could have it she said no and
told him to throw it away he started arguing that it was better in his stomach than in the trash my mom was Furious not a teacher but I had a classmate on a field trip rub mud all over his clothes and body so he could go home turns out his mom's car broke down and she couldn't pick him up he had to wear his muddy clothes for the rest of the trip my friend and I got busted on day one of eighth grade social studies passing a crew drawing of a classmate of ours getting pleasured
by two well-endowed men wearing party hats I didn't think the teacher looked at it until I got summoned to the office during Next Period the principal unfolded the drawing and said to us can you boys explain to me what this is I knew I was screwed my friend reaches over the desk and grabs it holds it close to his face like he's scrutinizing it and says to the principal it looks like a picture of classmate being pleasured with two large men and I think they're wearing party hats I freaking lost it my friend got expelled
Midway through that year for threatening to kill the principal during math class what is it with these stories and taking such wild turns I swear why can't middle schoolers just be normal for five minutes not a teacher but an illiterate girl was doing a presentation on the country of Nigeria yeah I think you guys can guess how she pronounced it not a teacher sorry to be that person in Middle School my friends and I were not in the popular crowd but one of my friends had a huge crush on the most popular boy in school
who was also a major jerk so one day she brought him a bouquet of flowers and a heart-shaped box of chocolates she brought the gift to him before school where he and his crappy friends hung out and asked him to be our boyfriend I have to be nearby and witness the whole thing they laughed and laughed at her until she ran away crying despite riding the same bus as her I never saw her again that school year I saw her that summer since she lived nearby and she told me she transferred schools because of the
incident poor girl is brave enough to give it a shot just to be literally laughed out of the school I taught fifth grade recorder class as part of General music so every kid had to play them for quarter it was freaking awful 15 to 20 kids half of whom were budding criminals playing Out Of Tune on plastic recorders I was in the middle of chewing them out yet again what I heard what sounded like a sneeze combined with the squeak I look over at the dumpiest runkiest boy in the class the gross kid if you
will had sneezed with this recorder in his mouth and proceeded to blow clear snot through it and onto his fingers he sat there for like 15 seconds dumbfounded with that orange clear plaster recorder just hanging out of his mouth finally I told him to just put it on the table a few minutes later I accidentally knocked it on the floor and it broke justifying my throwing it away after class I bought a new one at the 99 cent store because I was not giving that stupid thing to anyone else not a teacher but was a
student one of my classmates had a history presentation he screamed at the top of his lungs nobody had any freaking clue what that meant everyone was staring at him while he was just smiling scanning the room and slowly started to realize no one knew what he said his smile quickly went away and he began his presentation two eighth grade boys invented their own language which involved anime-like giggling funny thing these two were jocks with decent social status we had so many pair meetings about how their son's giggling was disruptive in class the parents were mortified
but the boys wouldn't stop I was showing a movie once and this girl and boy were sitting in the back next to each other in a table where two people could sit anyways by the middle of the movie I see the kid has his two hands on the table and he is looking away with his eyes wide open while the girl has her hands under the table and is slightly moving I knew right there and then she was rubbing him I went discreetly and stood behind them just to confirm and yes she was when I
tapped her on the shoulder I guess it was the adrenaline he finished in her hands the two students in front of them saw everything happen there were news for about two weeks and the entire School knew they were in high school now and still dating a rare happy ending for this I'm a male teacher I once confiscated a note being passed between sixth grade girls it turned out it was a list and they ranked all the boys in the Grid in terms of attractiveness I didn't really look at it but later I showed it to
my team and they pointed out that my name was number four on the list when I was in Middle School we had this dress as an animal day and all the other kids did stuff like wear a raccoon hat or cat ears but I was different I decided to go in a skin tight how to tame your dragon costume and the worst part about it was that the yearbook committee dedicated an entire freaking page to me in that crappy costume I was a volunteer lifeguard at a middle school gym for part of the Year this
school also has a swimming month in the gym classes where students must wear bathing suits bought or ordered via financial aid at the uniform store there was a highly overweight girl in one of the classes and she didn't seem to be aware of the standard issue bathing suits the gym teacher sent home reminders the week before but I guess she forgot this girl was picked on a lot in general and always kept to herself she was very shy she never spoke if you called on her to answer a question in front of the class she
would get teary on the first day the other students showed up wearing the uniform bathing suits but she was wearing her bathing suit from home it also wasn't a particularly pretty bathing suit as it looked very old lady-ish and had a bright orange Hawaiian shirt type of pattern she stuck out which you could see in her body language really bothered her the gym teacher ended up calling her out in front of the whole class giving her a lecture and giving her a detention for not wearing her uniform because that was the rule her face turned
bright red and she just stood there silently while other kids stared at her and giggled you could tell that she wanted to cry and that her soul had just crumbled the lecture went on for a very long time this was a gym teacher who didn't like it when the students disobeyed the rules I was sitting off to the side ringing my hands and bouncing my knee in secondhand embarrassment I wish she had just read the reminder poor Sweet Child always read the reminders
