SML Movie: The Rapture!

M. This Chick-fil-A sandwich look good as hell. Thank you, Jesus.

Ooh, look at that cheese. I want to bite it. Sh, baby.

What? Junior, I'm trying to eat. We were going to ask you what you were going to make us for dinner, but you got us Chick-fil-A.

>> Chick-fil-A? Woohoo! I'm accepted.

>> All right, calm me a little happy ass down, Cody. I did not get Chick-fil-A for y'all. This is all mine.

Wait, wait. All yours. No, you had to get us something.

>> Hell no. Get away from my bag. This is just for me.

I don't have a million dollars, Junior. I could buy you anything. Well, then what are we supposed to eat for dinner?

>> Right here. Bone and potato. >> What?

Spaghettiios? >> Yeah. And it got Paw Patrol on it for your [ __ ] made ass.

>> She's Paw Patrol. Genie. >> I don't want Spaghettiios.

I want Chick-fil-A. >> Well, you ain't getting Chick-fil-A. >> Well, can you at least make us our Spaghettiios?

>> I guess so. But you better not touch my tail soon. >> I'm not going to touch your sandwich.

>> Junior, what are you doing? Junior, why are we in the bathroom with Jeffy P's food? Because I'm going to drop his Chick-fil-A sandwich in the toilet.

>> But that's gross. >> Well, I want to get payback for him not getting us Chick-fil-A. He's trying to make us eat Spaghettiio.

>> Yeah, dude. It's not fair. I want chicken nugies.

>> But guys, that's >> Well, when we drop this sandwich in the toilet and he gets sick, he's going to think it's karma for not getting us Chick-fil-A. And then he's going to learn his lesson. So, Joseph, drop the Chick-fil-A sandwich in the toilet.

>> I got you, dude. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. I poopoo and tit in there.

>> Tit? >> What the hell is a tit? >> Oh, yeah, guys.

My mom's had a lot of gas lately and she thinks she's pregnant even though she's already had a hyctomy. So, she wants me to use those kinds of words in case the baby's listening. >> Okay.

Well, say pee pee or piss around us >> like a grown man, dude. >> All right, Joseph, grab that sandwich out of the toilet and put on the plate. We should put our ball hair on it.

>> Oh, don't worry. I've got the ball hair covered. >> Wait, you got you got a lot of ball hair.

>> Oh, it's like a deciduous forest down there. It is huge. Hansel and Gretle got lost in that [ __ ] It's bad, guys.

Okay. So, pull off some of your pubes and put on the sandwich and Jo, get out of the toilet and let's put on the plate before he notices. >> Oh, wow.

Cody, that's that's a lot of ball hair. >> Hey, you wanted pubes? I gave you pubes.

>> Damn, dude. It looks like a burr's nest, though. >> Y Hey, you know what's crazy?

That's only like 1%. You could kick me in the balls and I wouldn't even feel it. I got like an airbag of hair down there.

Hairbag. >> Well, I think Chef is going to notice the hair. You should have put it under the bun.

>> Oh, I did. It's just spilling out like an oatmeal hair pie down there. >> Chef's coming.

Not natural. >> All right, Brass. Here's your spaghettiios.

And I brought three spoons so you all can share. >> Share. Wa.

You guys have any cold sores I should know about? I just want to know what I'm getting myself into. >> Cody, why are you shirtless?

>> You said act natural. This is as natural as it gets. I mean, I could take my shorts off, but then Chef Peeping might notice I have some pubes missing.

>> How do you know you have pubes missing? >> Well, I only trimmed them on one side, so they'd be kind of lopsided. Looks like aliens made crop circles in that [ __ ] >> Chef Peep, we want our own bowl of Spaghettiio.

>> Well, there isn't any more Spaghettiio, so you have to share. It's interesting you guys didn't answer the cold sore question. >> Oh, come on.

Check the pantry. There's got to be more spaghetti. Oo, chef.

>> No, I don't want to wash dishes either. So, you're going to shed a damn bowl. >> I'm not talking about cankeraurs.

I mean cold my [ __ ] throat. Cold source. Herpes.

Not rocking with it. >> Oh, you know what, Chevy? Enjoy your stupid chicken sandwich.

We'll eat the stupid spaghetti of damn question. >> Oo, ain't that [ __ ] soggy? Oh, from all the grease.

Oh, it's going to be good as hell. Oh, man. Guys, I can't wait for Chef P to take a bite of his toilet ball hair sandwich.

Yeah, he's going to be coughing up hairballs for weeks. >> Gross. But uh what about spaghettiios, dude?

>> No, I don't know if you guys were intentionally ignoring me or if you just didn't hear me. But I was asking if you guys ever had cold sores. >> Oh, what's a cold sore?

>> It's like a little blister on your lip. >> I mean, I've never had anything on my lip, but I've had like a like a a thing on my cheek that I bite. >> No, it's not that.

>> Have you ever had a cold sore? >> Okay, I don't want any Spaghettiios. >> Well, [ __ ] you.

More Spaghettiios for me then. >> Oh, we should turn something on the TV while we eat our Spaghettiios. Well guys, it is September 23rd.

And did you know that on September 23rd, 1994, The Shaw Shank Redemption had a limited release in North America? Let's turn on the TV and see if it just happens to be playing. >> Okay, I guess.

>> All right, let's get Shaw Shanked up. Oh man, I wanted Shaw Shank Redemption. That's the news.

A [ __ ] man. I really wanted Shaw Shank Redemption. This is stupid [ __ ] news.

It's [ __ ] stupid. I want Shaw Shank Redemption. [ __ ] >> Breaking news, okay?

A South African pastor is claiming that Jesus told him that the world was going to end on September 23rd or September 24th. We have an exclusive interview with him now. >> Hello folks.

I'm here with Joshua Malaka. >> Malika >> Malaka >> Nicolo >> Malakal. >> I'm here with Joshua who says the rapture is going to happen either today or tomorrow.

>> Yes. >> Tell them about it Joshua. >> So I was sleeping in my heart head on the Bible and Jesus Christ came to me in a dream.

He said, "Joshua, I need to be serious with you right now. Look down. Your shoes are untied.

" I looked down. I had no shoes on. He made it funny.

Ho ho ho. Jesus laughed in my face. Haha.

I said, "Jesus, what is wrong with you? I'm trying to sleep. " He said, "Joshua, I'm trying to be serious with you right now.

Look at your shirt. There is a stain on your shirt. " I looked down.

He poops my nose. Oh, I'm so over Jesus right now. I said, "Jesus, it's 2:00 in the morning.

What do you want from me? " He said, "Joshua, look, I want to be serious with you right now. The rapture will be here September 23rd or September 24th.

" And then I woke up with piss in my love. And I only piss when the dream comes true. >> Well, there you have it, folks.

The rapt is either going to happen September 23rd or September 24th. But Joshua, today is September 23rd, and it hasn't happened yet. So, what do you have to say about that?

>> Look, I don't know. He just told me on the 23rd or 24th. I don't have the calendar.

Well, would you bet all of the money you have that it'll happen in the next two days? >> Uh, look, look, he just said the 23rd of the 24th. It's going to happen.

Just to prepare. Look, he told me he talks [ __ ] but he's fluent in diarrhea, so I know he's honest. >> Well, there you have it, folks.

It's definitely going to happen either today or tomorrow. >> Sell all your belongings or give them away. The world is ending today or tomorrow.

I don't want to die. >> Oh no, dude. I've done so much wrong.

I'm going straight to hell. I'm going to be in the VIP section right next to Hitler and Hela Keller. >> Wait, why would Helen Keller be in hell?

>> Cuz she lied about flying a damn airplane. >> What the [ __ ] are you talking about, >> dude? She lied talking about she can fly around the whole damn world and [ __ ] >> That's Amelia Heheart.

>> Well, [ __ ] the Helen Keller, too. >> Yeah, Helen Keller's not going to be in hell. >> Well, her first name is Hell and her last name's Killer.

>> Her last name is Keller, not Killer. >> Cuz she spelled it wrong cuz she couldn't sing. >> You're a dumbass.

>> Well, guys, the point is the world's not going to end anyway. That guy's just a cook job. But he had a dream.

Jesus came to him in a dream. >> Okay. It's just a dream.

It's not real. >> Martin Luther King had a dream and it was real. >> This is not It's not the same kind of dream.

Jesus did not come to this guy in a dream and play practical jokes on him and say the world was going to end in a day or two and he couldn't even make up his mind. >> What? Jesus can't make his mind.

He had a Last Supper. Remember how much food was on there? He couldn't think of what he wanted to eat.

>> Guys, every couple years somebody says the world's going to end and then it doesn't. Like Y2K and then 2012 and all the other times. >> Okay.

Well, what if this time's real? Cuz Jesus said this time it's going to end. It it he didn't really talk to Jesus.

>> But how do you know? Were you in his dream? >> No, but this guy's crazy.

>> Well, I don't want to die and I don't want to go to hell. How do I stop myself from going to hell? >> Repent, [ __ ] Repent.

I'm repent. I'm pray right now cuz I don't want to go to hell either. I'm sorry.

Wait. What's repenting? >> Well, it's it's where you say all the things that you've done bad and then you have to ask God for forgiveness.

>> Wait, I have to admit everything I've ever done wrong. >> Yeah. >> Oh, God.

Joseph, you're not going to like this. >> What? Every time I listen to rap songs, I say the N word.

>> Wait, dude. I knew it. >> But I say the hard R, even if it's not a hard R.

>> See, I'm not surprised by that. >> I say the N word in songs that don't even have the N word. >> Like Nickelback and Taylor Swift.

>> Perfect songs. >> I say the N word when there's no music. I just say the N word just for fun.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Just blur it out.

>> Yeah. I just say it by myself. Every time I see a piece of paper, I write as many times as I can.

>> Got to practice your cursive. >> Yeah. And then when I go online, I say I call I call people in chat rooms.

>> On Facebook, I St. Jude's website. I I call kids sick kids that work.

>> Okay, Junior. I think you can stop >> at Facebook Marketplace. I say I'm interested in an item.

I just call him the word. >> Okay, Junior, I think we get it. >> Well, I I just want to repent.

I want to get on the right side. Wait, does that mean if we're repenting, we have to go tell Shep what we did by by putting ball hair and dropping his food in the toilet. >> Yeah, I guess you have to tell him that.

>> Let's go tell Shepi that. >> You guys have fun with that. >> But Cody, you have to come with us.

You have to repent, too. >> Yeah, I am not repenting cuz the world's not ending. >> Well, if it does end, you're going to be in hell next to Helen Keller.

>> One, she's not going to hell. And two, the world is not going to end. So, I don't have to repent.

But Cody, if it just happens, then you have to repent. You have to be sorry for being gay. >> Well, okay.

Well, if I say I'm sorry for being gay, that would be a lie, which would be a sin. So, I'm not going to say that. >> Yeah, he's hellbound.

Dude, we >> we want you to be in heaven with us. Cody, come. Hey, listen.

Listen. Watch us go repent to Chef Peepee. And if you if you like it, then then maybe you want to do it, too.

>> You know what? I'm going to come just cuz I want to see how he reacts when you tell him what we did. >> You think he's going to be mad?

>> Oh, yeah. He's going to be really mad. >> But he's going to repent, too.

He can't do anything bad to us. >> Man, that sandwich was good as hell. Finger licking good, but not for KFC.

Hey, Chef Peepee. Oh, >> what do you want, Junior? Oh, wait, wait.

Are you full from all those damn spaghettiio in your belly? I can hear him swishing around. Spaghettiio head ass.

>> Um, Chef Peep, how was your sandwich? >> Oh, man. That [ __ ] was delicioso.

Boy, I was smacking on it for hours. Oh, boy. It filled up my stomach, but I keep coughing up hair and [ __ ] I don't know if it's from my mustache or what.

>> Like dick stash. >> Excuse me. What?

>> Chef, you know the world's going to end today or tomorrow, right? >> Well, I don't believe that stupid ass mumbo jumbo. They say that like every 5 years, >> but like it's actually going to happen cuz Jesus talked to that guy in the dream and I decided to repent for my sins so I can go to heaven.

>> Well, that is something I approve of cuz you are bad as hell. You should repent for your sins. >> Well, I want to admit everything I've done wrong to you, Chef Peep.

>> Okay. Like what? Being born?

>> Well, no. Well, you know that Chick-fil-A sandwich you got? Well, I was mad that you didn't get us Chick-fil-A.

So, while you were making us spaghettiios, I had Joseph drop your chicken sandwich in the toilet and then we grabbed it out and then Cody put his ball hair on it. So, that's why you're coughing up hair. It was his ball hair.

I'm sorry, Chef PB. Do you forgive me? >> What the [ __ ] did you just say?

You say Cody's ball hair on my sandwich? >> Oh, yeah. Like a whole lot of it.

Like, you could probably make a sweater with all the [ __ ] ball hair I put on there. >> It was a lot of hair. It was actually more hair than I was expecting.

>> Yeah. >> You evil ass bastard. I dare you.

I'm a [ __ ] I hate that. >> Jesus. Jesus forgives you.

>> No. We're going to hell together, you stupid [ __ ] I dare you. Jesus forgives you.

I forgive you. >> I forgive you. in the kitchen.

>> Mom, Dad, I'm home. >> Cody, get your fruit ass in the kitchen, boy. >> What?

>> Get your ass in here and drink your glass of Windex to cleanse your souls and sins before Jesus Christ get here. God damn it, >> guys. We can't drink Windex.

>> That's the only way you get into heaven, so you better get a drink. >> The rapture is coming, Cody. Jesus is going to destroy the earth cuz you touch yourself.

>> See, I told you about touching your damn self. You're supposed to give your hands to yourself, not own yourself. >> Why are you guys wearing tinfoil hats?

So we don't get probed by the damn aliens before Jesus Christ get here. We got to protect our [ __ ] >> That's right, Cody. The aliens are going to try to get us before Jesus can.

So Jesus is going to have to fight the aliens. And it's going to be the battle of the century. >> Mhm.

And I got my money on Jesus Christ. It's going to be a hell of a battle. But uh I ain't never seen Jesus in a UFO.

So I don't know how it's going to turn out. You ever seen Jesus in a UFO? >> No, I haven't.

>> See, you need to start reading the damn Bible. >> That's not the Bible. That's Moby Dick.

>> Oh, thank you. I ain't know you can see the print from over here. Freaky ass.

Oh. Oh, you talking about the book? Yeah, that's the Bible.

It was written by Herman. It's the one of the lost books. >> You can't just find a random book and say it's the Bible.

>> Yes, the hell I can. That's what the Mormons do all the time. And they got their own Netflix documentaries.

>> And they got Tom Cruz. That's Scientology. >> Damn.

They got Tom Cruz, too. The aliens are on a roll. [ __ ] Oh, and not Tom Cruz going to have to fight Jesus.

Ooh, that's going to be a hell of a mission impossible. >> Guys, I'm not drinking Windex. >> Well, you're going to have to drink the damn Windex to cleanse your sins, boy.

>> Look, the guy said that the world is going to end either today or tomorrow. Today's already over. >> Well, it's probably going to happen tomorrow.

I don't know what to tell your ass. You need to be prepared. So, get a drinking.

>> Okay, I'm just going to go to bed. >> No, you're not. You're going to go to alien hell, boy.

Get your ass back down here and drink it at the witness. >> Alien hell is real weird, Cody. There's tentacles and [ __ ] >> Yeah, they go up your ass.

But you probably like that. You little freaky ass. Come on, baby.

Let's get a drink of [ __ ] >> Yummy. >> I'm not going to hell for him. >> Hey, Mom.

Hey, Dad. Oh, well, I guess the aliens won, huh? Well, it's September 25th and we're all still here.

Well, I guess you guys aren't. Might as well check the news and see if anybody got raptured. [Music] >> Breaking news, Muk.

The world did not end on September 23rd or September 24th. So, the pastor is being arrested for causing mass hysteria. >> All right, Joshua Milk of Magnesia, you're under arrest.

>> It's my luck. >> That's what I said, Joshua. The people want to know why you lied.

Why, Joshua? Why? >> I did not lie.

I took a nap earlier today and Jesus Christ came to me in a dream again and he said, "Scratch all of that. It's going to be on October the 3rd or the 4th or December the 7th or or sometime next year. " And then he told me to sit down in the chair and I sat down and it went and I was like, "Oh, wait.

That's a woman cussing. Oh, Jesus. You're going to make people think I farted or something.

" >> Yeah. Yeah. Tell it to the judge.

>> Come on. >> Yeah. I guess that's about right.

I should probably call 911.