Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss: Animated Book Summary

allow me to let you in on a secret life is a negotiation chris boss about three years ago i walked into a car dealership to upgrade my vehicle after over four hours i left feeling the same way that i do now i got ripped off i didn't get any of the discounts i wanted and in the end the dealer actually took money off of what they said they would give me for my trade-in maybe you've had this experience at a car dealership or maybe last time you bought a house asked for a promotion or a

pay raise or even when you tried to talk to your spouse into going to the restaurant that you wanted for dinner chris voss a fbi negotiator with 24 years of experience wrote never split the difference to help you get what you want from these very situations according to him negotiations are happening all the time he defines negotiation as communication with results so how do you get the results that you want let's dive right in the book starts with the new rules effective negotiation starts with effective listening doesn't sound flashy but that's what it all boils

down to people want to be understood to be accepted and to feel like they are being heard you can accomplish all of these things simply by listening intently yes that means putting down your phone after this video of course next be a mirror you know that game that kids play when they think it's hilarious to repeat everything you say back to you they were actually onto a very effective negotiation strategy most people aren't going to spell out every piece of information that you need after your first question most of us are too guarded for that

mirroring is a way to get them to open up and share more this technique is accomplished by repeating the last three words that somebody has just said for example maybe you are talking to someone who hates his competitor and he ends the sentence with i hate that guy to reply to get more information about why he hates that guy would be hate that guy once you say the mirror wait until they respond don't say anything more this can take 4 seconds or more but in many cases they will expand on their comment this may sound

silly but in the flow of normal conversation it comes off completely natural he tells a story where a fellow fbi negotiator was mirroring him for several moments before he even noticed next up labeling labeling is a way of putting words to what another person is saying by doing this you can validate acknowledge and identify how that person feels by doing this you establish common ground and make the other person feel like you understand exactly where they are and what they are feeling labels will often start with the phrases like it seems like it sounds like

it looks like once again after you label something stop talking and listening even if you don't get the label correct you'll have more information after they explain it further no is a good thing traditional negotiation books teach that you want to get the other person to say yes the problem is that many people will use counterfeit yeses to avoid confrontation vos likes to say no is the start of the negotiation not the end of it frame your question in a way where getting a no is a good thing do you have a few minutes to

talk is much worse than is now a bad time to talk the answer to the second question could be yes it is a bad time and you can follow up with establishing a good time or that they don't want to talk to you at all if they say something like no it's not a bad time they admit that they can give you their full attention no also lets them feel like they are in control of this situation they are not saying yes or agreeing with you just to get you to go away or to stop

talking the next concept is getting to that's right if you can get your counterpart to say the two magic words that's right you are on your way to winning the negotiation that's right often comes after you've labeled their struggles you've shown them that you understand them and this helps to build a foundation of trust now let's look at bending their reality this section of the book talks about getting the other party to feel like they have something to lose if the deal falls through you want them to want the deal boss details six steps to

do this number one anchor their emotions number two let the other guy go first most of the time three establish a range four pivot to non-monetary terms five use odd numbers and six surprise with a gift this section of the book talks a lot about using this framework to negotiate a new salary if you are going to be asking for a raise anytime soon read this one in detail on to creating the illusion of control this section introduces calibrated questions and the best of all the calibrated questions is how am i supposed to do that

these questions will help you eliminate the problem that you're facing in a non-confrontational way they help to bring the person that you're negotiating with to your side here are some of chris's favorite calibrating questions what about this is important to you how can i help to make this better for us how would you like me to proceed what is it that brought us to this situation how can we solve this problem what's the objective or what are we trying to accomplish here and of course how am i supposed to do that notice that these questions

start with how and what try not to start your questions with why because it is generally more of an accusation and doesn't recruit the other person to help solving your problem the next section guarantee execution we talk about the concept that yes is nothing without how yes as we stated earlier could be a dismissal from your counterpart how helps guide the conversation to a solution and is a gentle way of saying no howe also helps us force the other side to see how the deal will be implemented and bargaining is hard as our next step

you will inevitably find yourself in a situation where a negotiation has stalled or that you are far from a resolution vos introduces the ackerman model which is an offer counteroffer method to break through a deadlock this six step process is as follows number one set your target price or your goal set your first offer at sixty-five percent of that price three calculate three raises of increments to eighty-five ninety-five and a hundred percent number four use lots of empathy and different ways of saying no to the other side to counter before you increase your offer five

when calculating the final amount use precise non-round numbers number six on your final number throw in a non-monetary item to show that you're at your limit the final topic the book covers is finding the black swan black swans are pieces of information that completely changed the dynamic of a negotiation these are pieces of information that are normally only uncovered with very careful listening skills once you find a black swan you gain a powerful point of leverage that you can use to create a common ground and understanding with the other person allowing a successful and beneficial

ending to the talks remember allow me to let you in on a secret life is a negotiation never split the difference is a battle-tested guide to improving your negotiation skills using methods that have been tested in high stress environments it teaches you tactical empathy which the author describes as emotional intelligence on steroids before you go hit that thumbs up button and click on one of the windows that has popped up to watch more summaries of our favorite books that might just change your life