chapter 1 health problems there were four of us George William Samuel Harris myself my friends call me Jay and Mont morenzi we were sitting in my room and were smoking and talking about our bad Health we were all feeling very ill and we were unhappy about it Harris said he felt dizzy sometimes George felt dizzy too my big problem was my liver I knew I had a bad liver I had read about all the symptoms of liver disease in a book I had every symptom that was written every time I read about an illness I
realized that I have it one day I had a little health problem I went to the British Museum library to read about it after some time I began reading about another illness I don't remember the name now but it was something terrible I knew I had that terrible illness too I began reading the book from the letter A to the letter Z I had the symptoms of all the diseases in the book except for one I didn't have housemaid's knee this made me a bit unhappy why didn't I have housemaid's knee too with all the
diseases I had I knew my life was short I tried to examine myself I tried to feel my heart I tried to look at my tongue when I had walked into the library I had been a happy healthy man when I left it I was a very ill man I went to see my doctor he is an old friend whenever I think I am ill he examines me and says I am fine a doctor really must have practice this time I thought he will get more practice with me than with a thousand normal patients after
all normal patients have only one or two diseases each well what's wrong with you he asked I said if I tell you what is wrong with me you will die before I finish life is too short I'll tell you what is not wrong with me I don't have housemaid's knee but I have everything else I told him about what I had read at the library he looked at me carefully he listened to my heart and looked at my tongue after that he wrote a prescription I and gave it to me I put it in my
pocket and went out I didn't read the prescription I took it to the chemists and gave it to him he read it and gave it back to me he said I don't have the things on the prescription but you're a chemist aren't you I asked he said you're right sir I'm a chemist I don't have a shop and a hotel I read the prescription it said every 6 hours lb of good fresh meat pint of beer every morning 10mile walk go to bed no later than I I o' each night and don't read books about
things you don't understand I followed the doctor's prescription it saved my life I now feel rather well except for my liver problem the main symptom of liver disease is a general feeling of sleepiness and no interest in working I have suffered from this illness ever since I was a boy Medical Science was not advanced in those days doctors did not know that I had liver illness they thought I was lazy people called me a lazy little devil and said go and do your work they did not know I was Ill with liver disease instead of
giving me liver pills they gave me blows on the head those blows were good for me because after each blow I went to do my work that old remedy worked better than a box of modern pills that evening George William Harris and I sat in my room we described our illnesses I explained to George and William Harris how I felt in the morning William Harris told us how he felt when he went to bed then George stood up and told us how he felt at night George always thinks he is ill but there is really
nothing wrong with him at that moment Mrs poppets the housekeeper I served our dinner we were not hungry we ate some meat onions and Cake we had no interest in food we began talking about our illnesses again we all knew that our illnesses were caused by too much work we need a rest said Harris a rest and a change George added our minds are ti tired from too much work we must rest our minds let's go to the countryside I said we'll find a nice quiet place with no people Harris said oh how boring in
the country everyone goes to bed at 8:00 you can't even find a newspaper if you want a rest and a change then the best place is the sea what a terrible idea I said a sea trip gives you seasickness who wants a whole week of seasickness you leave on Monday and you're feeling well on Tuesday you feel worse then on Wednesday you're really sick on Thursday and Friday you're almost dead on Saturday you can finally drink a few teaspoons of tea on Sunday you can walk again and eat some food then on Monday you're happy
because it's time to get off the boat so George said let's go up the river we'll have fresh air and quiet on the river the hard work on the boat will make us hungry so we'll enjoy our food we'll be so tired at the end of the day that we'll sleep well Harris said you don't have any trouble sleeping George there are only 24 hours in the day and you sleep most of that time if you sleep anymore you're dead however I like your idea of a holiday on the river temps I liked it too
George was surprised that we both liked his idea the only one who didn't like the idea was M Moroni my fox terrier he looked at us with his big eyes you like the idea but I don't his face said on the river there's nothing for me to do I don't like looking at the trees I certainly don't smoke if I see a rat you won't stop the boat so I can run after it when I'm asleep you'll probably rock the boat and I'll fall into the river the whole idea is stupid we were 3 to
one so we decided to go on the river trip chapter 2 planning the trip we looked at the maps and we discussed plans we decided to start from Kingston the following Saturday Harris you and I will go to get the boat at Kingston I said then we'll take it up the river to chy I where we'll meet George George works in the city until the afternoon George goes to sleep at a bank from 10:00 to 4:00 Monday to Friday except on Saturdays on Saturday days they wake him up at 2:00 and put him outside the
door the next problem was where to sleep at night George and I didn't want to sleep at ins we wanted to camp out in the middle of nature how beautiful we said sleeping in the country under the stars by the river I can imagine it all I said there is a golden Sunset the river is moving along Qui quietly the forest is full of trees and birds the grass around us is green and little flowers grow here and there soon it is dark we row our boat into a quiet corner on the river we put
up our tent and cook a simple healthy meal we all sit around a warm fire and eat our meal we look up and see the moon and the stars then we sit in silence how wonderful this is we go to bed and then we dream Under the Stars we dream that the world is young again as we all sat there dreaming Harris said what happens if it rains there is nothing poetic about Harris he is not romantic at all if Harris ever has tears in his eyes he is eating raw onions if you stand by
the sea with Harris and say listen to the sounds of the sea can you hear Spirits singing sad songs the songs of those who died in these Waters he will take you by the arm and say I understand my friend you're not feeling well now come with me I know a place around the corner here where you can get some good whiskey you'll feel better soon Harris always knows where you can find a good whiskey Harris was right about camping out when it rains it's not nice at all just imagine it is evening you are
all wet there is water in the boat and all your things are wet you find a place on the riverbank you get out of the boat and pull out the tent now two of you try to put it up the tent is wet and very heav heavy it is raining hard the wind is blowing the wet tent flies about it falls on your head and makes you angry it is difficult to put up a tent in good weather it is impossible to do so in wet weather the other man is of no help at all
he is a complete fool the wind continues to blow and the rain continues to fall you look at the other man and say what are you doing with your side of the tent what are you doing he answers don't pull on your side you shout I didn't pull you pulled he shouts you're doing everything wrong you shout what he shouts I can't hear you you don't know how to put up a tent we'll never put up this tent you say at this point the third man has pulled the boat out of the water he is
completely wet he wants to know why the tent isn't up yet everyone is wet and angry Harris was right camping out in rainy weather is not a good idea we decided to camp out in good weather and sleep at an inn or a hotel in bad weather Mont moreni agreed with this decision he likes ins and hotels mon Morenci doesn't like the quiet life he prefers noise and confusion he looks like a good well- behaved dog but he's not when you look at Mt Morenci you see an angel from Paradise in the form of a
small Fox Terrier you think he is a sweet gentle little dog when old ladies and gentlemen look at him tears come to their eyes when he killed 12 chickens and I paid for them I changed my opinion of M Morenci in one year he had 14 street fights with other dogs an angry woman brought me her dead cat and called me a murderer Mont Morenci loves to join the worst dogs he then takes them around town to fight other dogs this is his idea of a happy life chter 3 packing the following evening we met
a again to discuss our plans haris said now we must decide what to take with us you get a piece of paper Jay and you get a pencil George I'll write the list Harris is always like this he tells everyone what to do and he does nothing my old uncle podger was just like Harris when Uncle podger did a job everybody in the house helped one day Uncle podger bought a picture Aunt poder asked where can we put this picture leave it to me don't worry about it I'll do it all uncle podger said he
sent one of the girls to buy the nails then he sent one of the boys to tell her the size of the nails he sent Bill to get the hammer and he sent Tom to get the ruler now get me a kitchen chair Jim I need two people to hold the chair Maria come here and hold the light Tom come here and give me the nail he finally had the nail in his hand but it fell on the floor everyone looked everywhere for the nail when someone finally found it Uncle podger lost the hammer where's
the hammer where did I put the hammer help me find the hammer when we found the hammer he lost the place on the wall to put the picture so each one of us climbed up on the chair to look for the place each one thought it was a different place when Uncle podger climbed up on the chair he fell on the piano aunt podger was very angry she said the next time you put a picture on the wall please tell me me I'll go and spend a week with my mother Uncle pger tried again and
again at midnight the picture was on the wall however it was not straight the wall was dirty everyone was tired and unhappy Uncle pger looked at the picture and said it was such an easy job I told Harris you get the paper and pencil George will write the list and I'll do the work the first list was too long we threw it away we started another list in order to travel to the north part of the river temps we need a small boat George said with a small boat we can carry only necessary things we
won't take a heavy tent we can put a canvas cover eye over the boat at night it will be like a little house warm and comfortable we made a list of all the clothes we needed George said he knew everything about the right clothes for a trip we discovered later that this wasn't true we talked about food next George said let's continue with breakfast for breakfast we'll need a frying pan that's quite difficult to eat Harris said smiling stop being stupid Harris I said letun continue said George we'll need tea sugar eggs bacon bread butter
and jam for lunch we can take biscuits cold meat and fruit but no cheese the smell of cheese is too strong after a day or two everything will smell of cheese for dinner we can take meat pies fruit pies tomatoes and green vegetables this good food will keep us healthy George said we didn't take wine or beer because they both make you sleep George continued we'll also need a teapot a pan and a camping stove we don't want a paraffin oil stove oh no not a paraffin oil stove I said we once took a paraffin
oil stove it was horrible the smell of paraffin oil was everywhere the river smelled of paraffin the wind smelled of paraffin even the sunset smelled of paraffin when we visited the town of Marlo it smelled of paraffin too even the Church of Marlo smelled of paraffin the countryside for miles around smelled of paraffin we decided never to take a paraffin oil stove again the next day we bought everything we needed we met in the evening to pack our suitcases we got a large suitcase for the clothes and and two large hampers for the food and
utensils I am very good at packing packing is one of those things that I do best I'll organize the packing I said to George and Harris they agreed George sat in the armchair and Harris put his feet up on the table this was not what I had intended I wanted to organize the packing not do it I wanted George and Harris to do all work however I didn't say anything I started packing the cloes it took a long time but I finally finished I sat on the big suet case to close it George and Harris
watched me aren't you putting the boots in asked at Harris I had forgotten them why didn't you tell me before I said Harris said nothing George laughed I was Furious I opened the suitcase again and packed the boots then an awful idea came to me did I pack my toothbrush I started looking for it I took everything out of the suitcase I found George's toothbrush I found Harris's toothbrush but I didn't find mine in the end I found it inside a boot I packed everything again when I finished George asked me is the soap in
the suitcase I don't care about the soap I answered I sat on the big suitcase again to close it then I remembered that my cigarettes were in the suitcase I opened it again and finally closed it at 1050 p.m. there were still the two hampers to pack Harris and George decided to pack them I sat down to watch chapter 4 ready for the trip there were dishes cups bottles pans Tomatoes cakes and many other things to pack in the hampers as soon as George and Harris started packing they broke a cup and this was just
the beginning George is the worst packer in the world when George dies Harris will be the worst packer in the world they walked on things and broke them Harris put a big jar of jam on top of a tomato and crushed ey it George stepped on a big packet of butter and Harris sat on it soon there was butter everywhere they packed the pies in the hamper then they put heavy things on top of them the pies were crushed just like the Tomato in the middle of all of this there was Mont Morenci of course
he put his leg in the sugar and soon there was sugar everywhere he ran away with the teaspoons he pretended that the lemons were rats and killed three of them this was Mont moren's idea of fun at 1: in the morning the packing was finished we were ready for bed George said what time shall I wake you up Harris said 7:00 I said said 6:00 wake us up at half 6 George we said it was Mrs poppets who woke me up the next morning do you know that it's nearly 9:00 what I shouted as I
jumped out of bed I woke up Harris and George we began to get ready and we remembered that we had packed our toothbrushes so we went to get them out of the suit suitcase this was not an easy job at last we were ready to eat breakfast while we ate breakfast George read the newspaper he told us about the people killed on the river and about the bad weather report George went to work and Harris and I finished our breakfast that morning Mont morenzi invited two of his friends to the house they fought most of
the time when we were finally ready we carried our luggage to the road we waited 20 minutes for a taxi taxies usually come every 3 minutes a crowd of people was watching us they looked at us at M Morenci and at Mont moren's friends they looked at all our luggage a big suitcase a small bag two big hampers some pans some umbrellas five coats and raincoats at waterl station we took the 11:05 train to Kingston at Kingston our boat was waiting for us below the bridge Harris and I put our luggage in it we got
on the boat happily but Mont Morenci was worried Harris took the OES and we started our two- week trip on the river temps Harris was wearing a red and orange Blazer it was a beautiful sunny day we were enjoying the first moments of our holiday when we passed Hampton Court Palace Harris asked have you ever visited the maze here he said he had gone into the maze once to show a friend he studied a map of the maze before going in he knew it was very easy to get out again Harris said to his friend
we'll go in and walk around for 10 minutes then we'll come out and have lunch it's very easy take the first turn to the right each time in the Maze they met some people who had been there for 45 minutes they wanted to get out because they were lost Harris said follow me I'm going out in 10 minutes the people thanked him and started following him other people began following Harris too some of them were worried and afraid he continued turning to the right but he was still in the Maze Harris got lost the people
were angry with him they all started calling for help a young keeper four heard them and came to help but he got lost too finally the old keeper came back from lunch he let the people out everyone was tired and angry Harris said let's ask George to try the maze on our return trip not a bad idea I said when we passed mola lock we were the only boat in the big lock usually the lock is a very busy place on Sundays there are boats everywhere people like the river and the sun it's such a
beautiful picture the river the trees the flowers and the people in their colorful clothes at Hampton Harris wanted to stop the boat and have a look at the church I don't like visiting churches but Harris loves it I came on the trip only because I wanted to visit Hampton Church you know I love churches churchyards and tombs the idea of not seeing Hampton church with Mrs Thomas's tomb makes me angry who is Mrs Thomas I asked I don't know but she has a strange tomb I said we must be at shepperton at 5:00 to meet
George Harris said George why can't George be here to do some work why doesn't he help us with this heavy boat what does he do at the bank he sits behind a piece of glass all day and does nothing I work why doesn't he work I'm going to have a drink there are no pubs near here the nearest pub is far away I said what we'll all die of thirst no pubs if you're thirsty we have water in the boat I said water water makes people ill he said however I am very thirsty and I
must drink something so he took the bottle and drank some water chapter 5 first day on the boat we stopped at Kempton Park and had lunch under the trees Q we good food always calms Harris we reached Sunberry lock at half 3 we then went to Walton which is a historical town Julius Caesar stayed there with his solders Queen Elizabeth I stayed there too you can never escape from that woman she was everywhere next we came to hord and shepperton there is a tomb in the shepperton churchyard with a poem on it I was afraid
Harris wanted to stop and visit it I saw him looking at the church as we passed near it so I moved the boat suddenly and Harris's cap fell into the water he pulled it out and was angry with me fortunately he was worried about his wet cap and forgot about the church as we came to waybridge the first thing we saw was a colored blazer when we got closer we saw that George was inside the Blazer Mont morenzi started barking furiously Harris and I shouted loudly George waved his cap and shouted too the lock keeper
I ran out because he thought someone had fallen into the water when he saw that no one was in the water he returned to his work now that George was on the boat we decided to make him work he did not want to work of course I had a bad day at the bank George said Harris who was a little cruel said now you're going to have a bad day on the river A change is good for you it's healthy come on get out of the boat and Tow George didn't know what to say after
a moment he said it's better if I stay here and prepare tea it's very difficult to prepare tea and you look tired we didn't answer we gave him the Rope he started walking and pulling the boat I remember that George once saw a young couple who were walking by the side of the river they were pulling a rope behind them and they were talking they didn't notice that there was no boat at the end of the Rope they had probably had a boat at the end of the Rope when they started but they had lost
it when George saw this he took the Rope out of the water then he tied it to his own boat so the young couple towed George and his three fat friends up to Marlo when they looked back they saw that they were towing a boat that was not theirs the young man was surprised and angry the young lady said Oh Henry where is Aunt Mary no one knew what happened to Aunt Mary the most exciting thing is to let girls tow your boat you always need three girls two of them hold the Rope the third
one runs around and laughs all the time when they are finally ready to pull they start running they pull the boat too fast and they are soon tired they say sit down on the grass to rest and laugh while they rest your boat goes out into the middle of the river oh look they say the boat's gone to the middle of the river they laugh jump up and start pulling it again then one of them decides to stop because she needs her hat then another wants her red shawl I now one of them needs a
comb for for her hair the other wants her handkerchief this goes on for most of the afternoon it is never boring when three girls tow a boat George towed us to Penton hook we stopped there and decided to spend the night on the boat we found a pretty place we tied our boat to a big tree we were all hungry and we wanted to eat however George said no let's put the canvas cover on the boat first first it will only take a few minutes it looked simple but it wasn't there were five metal rods
you put them into special holes in the side of the boat I didn't think this was dangerous work but it was I'm surprised that we are still alive to tell the story first of all the metal rods did not go into their holes we jumped on them kicked them and pushed them when the rods were in their holes we tried to put the canvas cover on the boat George took one part of the cover he tied it at the front of the boat Harris stood in the middle to help George with the cover George did
his job well but Harris was completely confused after 10 minutes of hard work Harris was inside the cover he was fighting to get out he accidentally knocked George down now George was inside the cover too they fought with the cover I heard some very bad words I thought the job must be very difficult I didn't understand what was happening George and Harris had told M morenzi and me to stand at the back of the boat we did exactly that we waited quietly we saw the cover moving violently but we thought this was the correct method
after after a long time we heard George shout we can't breathe under here why don't you help us you idiot when someone calls for help I always answer I went to help them poor Harris his face was almost black chapter 6 Harris makes scrambled eggs as soon as the cover was in place we started to prepare supper we wanted some hot water to make tea we put the tea kettle on the stove we pretended that we were not interested in the water we wanted the water to think that we did not care about it we
began to prepare supper this was the only way to make the water boil on a boat if the water knows you are waiting for it it will never get hot you must not look at it it's a good idea a shout I don't want any tea do you George George shouts back oh no I don't like tea I'll have milk and you Harris tea is terrible I never drink it I'll have lemonade this makes the water very angry at this point the water will boil we really wanted that supper we needed that supper for 35
minutes nobody spoke we just ate and ate finally we all had full stomachs and we were happy a full stomach makes you feel kind and generous we sat and smiled at each other we smiled at Mont Morenci too we started smoking our pipes and began to talk we went to bed at 10:00 I didn't sleep well I wasn't comfortable in the boat I woke up at 6:00 the next morning and George did too there was no reason to wake up so early we were on holiday why did we wake up so early it never happens
to us when we're working we decided to wake up Harris this was hard work we used an ore to help us Harris moved a bit and said I'll be downstairs in a minute get my best boots ready ready please we tried again with a boat hook Harris sat up Suddenly and Mont Morenci fell off the bed we pulled up the canvas cover and all four of us looked out at the river we were very cold we had planned to go swimming but the water looked so cold and wet well who's going swimming first asked Harris
no one wanted to be first George decided to get dressed Mont morenzi barked with horror at the idea Harris went to look for his trousers I decided to go to the river bank and throw some water on myself I held on to the branch of a tree as I moved to the water it was very cold and I decided not to go in I wanted to go back to the boat but suddenly the branch of the tree broke I fell into the river along with my towel I also drank about a bottle of Tam's water
good Heavens old Jay is in the water Harris said how's the water George asked it's lovely I answered why don't you come in nobody wanted to try the water when I got back to the boat I was very cold I wanted to put on my shirt but it fell into the river this made me angry George started laughing I don't see anything to laugh at I said George laughed even more I never saw a man laugh so much I was cold and Furious I was trying to get my shirt out of the river George was
laughing louder and louder stop laughing you stupid idiot I shouted when I finally p pulled the shirt out of the river I saw that it wasn't mine it was George's shirt I started laughing too I laughed so much that I dropped the shirt into the river again aren't you going to get it out said George Who continued laughing I didn't answer him for a while because I was laughing so much at last I said it isn't my shirt it's yours I never saw a man face changed so quickly what he shouted you donkey i i
i i why can't you be careful with things why don't you go and get dressed on the riverbank people like you don't know how to live on a boat I tried to tell him how funny it was but he didn't understand George is a little slow at understanding a joke sometimes Harris said I'm cooking scrambled eggs for breakfast this morning once people try my scrambled eggs they always want them he was quite famous for his scrambled eggs George and I got the stove and the frying pan ready then we looked for the eggs that weren't
broken we found only six of them now you can start we said breaking the eggs was difficult for Harris the eggs got on his trousers and went up his arms he put six eggs into the frying pan then he sat down by the stove and mixed them with a fork George and I saw that it was difficult work Harris often burnt his fingers then he danced around the stove he waved his hands in the air and shouted George and I thought that this was an important part of his cooking method we didn't know what scrambled
eggs were we thought they were some sort of red Indian food and to cook them correctly it was necessary to do special dances with magic words Mont Morenci went to put his nose Over The Frying Pan Once and burnt himself he too began dancing around and barking it was interesting and exciting to watch this show George and I were sorry when it was finished when the scrambled eggs were ready there was very little to eat six eggs had gone into the pan but all that came out was a teaspoon full of burnt eggs the problem
is the frying pan Harris said I need another type of pan and another stove we decided not to try scrambled eggs again until Harris had the right pan and stove chapter 7 The Laughing tin when we finished breakfast the sun was up and it was a warm morning I sat on the riverbank near runny me I thought about King John who signed the Magna Carta at runny me in ii5 what a great moment in English History I imagine the scene George came over and said when you finish resting and dreaming please help me wash the
dishes and other things I cleaned the frying pan with some grass and with George's wet shirt later on we went to magnacarta Island we saw the stone where the Magna Carta was signed in this area King Henry VII met with his sweetheart I an Balin I am certain that King Henry VII met Anne Bain in several other places too we continued slowly up the river and stopped for lunch near Monkey Island we had cold meat for lunch where's the mustard I asked the mustard Harris said we had forgotten to bring the mustard at that moment
we all wanted mustard more than anything in the world how boring life is without mustard Ed said George we ate our cold meat in silence we thought about the Happy Days of childhood when there was lots of mustard on the table The Adult World can be a cruel place all three of us loved tinned fruit George brought out a tin of pineapple this was perfect to make us forget the mustard we felt that life was smiling at us again look at the picture on the tin said Harris ah I can't wait I said I'm dreaming
about the sweet juice George said Harris got a spoon ready then we looked for the tin opener we took everything out of the two hampers we took everything out of the bag we looked in every corner of the boat there was no tin opener Harris tried to open the tin with a little knife and he cut himself George tried to open it with a pair of scissors the scissors flew up and almost cut his eye I tried to open it with a piece of metal I did something wrong because I fell into the river the
tin flew away and broke a teacup then we all got angry I started hitting the tin with a piece of wood Harris hit the tin and so did George we changed its shape we made it Square we made it round then we made it flat but we still couldn't open it the tin looked at us and seemed to be laughing it was ugly and it frightened us I threw it in the river then we rode away and didn't stop until we reached Maiden head it was evening and a strong wind started blowing the wind was
behind us and we put up the sail quickly the wind blew and the boat flew up the river I was steering I the boat and George and Harris were enjoying the trip sailing is exciting it's almost like flying you feel that you are part of nature we were alone and we flew along the river far in the distance we saw a small fishing boat there were three fishermen in it the sun was going down and there was a red light on the water the river seemed magic it was like a dream we felt that we
were sailing into a Strange Land we did not sail into a Strange Land We sailed straight into the fishing boat with the three old fishermen at first we didn't know what was happening but when we heard the bad words that came from the other boat we knew knew we were near people we also knew that those people were not happy the three old fishermen fell off their seats there were fish all over them they slowly tried to get up as they did this they cursed us they didn't curse us with common curses they used long
special curses they also cursed our parents families friends neighbors pets and jobs these curses were for the present and the future Harris stood up and said be thankful for a bit of excitement in your lives your lives must be so boring just sitting and fishing all day my friends and I are very unhappy to hear men of your age use such bad words the three old men did not agree with Harris I'll steer the boat now Jay said George an intelligent man like you must do better things leave the steering to me before we all
drown chapter 8 Mont morenzi meets a cat at Marlo we left our boat by the bridge we spent the night at the crown Hotel the next morning we went swimming before breakfast on the way back Mont Morenci met a cat Mont Morenci and I don't agree on cats I like cats M morenzi doesn't when I meet a cat I stop and say hello I pet eye it gently the cat is happy and I am too when M morenzi meets a cat the whole street knows about it a lot of bad words fly through the air
as soon as Mont Morenci saw the cat He barked with happiness the Cat was walking slowly across the street Mont Morenci ran after the cat but the cat didn't run he didn't understand that his life was in danger this cat was big and black it had half a tail half a nose and only one ear it was a clever Street cat Mont Morenci is a courageous dog but the cold eyes of that cat terrified him the cat stopped in the middle of the road and looked at malt morancy neither spoke but the conversation was probably
like this cat yes you want me can I do anything for you Mt Mory no no thanks cat if you really want something please tell me malt Mory walking backwards oh no not at all all don't disturb yourself I'm afraid I made a mistake I thought I knew you sorry I Disturbed you cat not at all it's a pleasure are you sure you don't want anything now m morenzi still walking backwards no thanks nothing at all thanks very kind of you good morning cat good morning the cat got up and walked away Mont morenzi came
back and followed us quietly he was silent all day long to this day if you say the word cats to Mont Morenci he'll stop walking then he'll look up at you as if to say please don't after this we did our shopping returned to the boat and continued our trip up the river at hambledon lock we discovered that we had no water we went to the lock keeper to ask for some George spoke for us with a friendly smile he asked may we have some water please certainly said the old lock keeper take as much
as you want and leave the rest thank you very much said George looking around where is the water it's where it always is said the lock keeper it's behind you George turned around and looked I don't see it what where are your eyes the lock keeper said he took George's arm and turned him around oh George said but we can't drink the river no but you can drink some of it said the lock keeper I drunk river water for the past 15 years well sir I don't think you look very healthy after drinking all that
river water but thank you anyway George said we left the lock keeper place and we found some waiter at another house we towed the boat past henle and stopped near wargrave for lunch we were sitting in a green field near the river Harris was cutting a meat pie I George and I were waiting with our dishes I need a spoon said Harris the hamper was behind us George and I both turned around to get a spoon in 5 seconds we had the spoon when we turned back Harris and the meat pie were gone disappeared it
was a wide open field there were no trees nearby Harris did not fall into the river because the river was far from us George and I looked all around then we looked at each other has he gone up to heaven I asked Angels don't take meat pies to Heaven George said you're right I agreed then there has been an earthquake George said I'm sorry he had the meat pie with him sadly we looked at the place where Harris and the meat pie were sitting then with horror we saw Harris's head only his head it was
in the grass his face was red and Furious George was the first to speak say something are you dead or alive where is your body oh don't be an idiot Harris shouted I think you made this happen you told me to sit there it's your stupid joke here take the pie Harris didn't know it but he had been sitting next to a big hole the long grass covered it he fell into the deep hole without knowing anything at first he thought that it was the end of the world Harris still thinks that George and I
planned it all chapter nine fighting swans after lunch A Gentle Wind pushed us up the river past wargrave and ship Lake we got out of the boat at sunning and walked around the village sunning is a lovely Village everything is clean and beautiful each house is covered with roses we decided to return to one of the ship Lake Islands to spend the night George said let's have a special supper tonight let's make an Irish stew we can put everything into one big pan what a wonderful idea Harris and I said I'll get the wood and
make a fire George said you too can peel the potatoes this was a very big job we were happy and excited but when we peeled our first potato we understood that this was not exciting it was hard work the first potato we peeled looked like a pee George looked at it and said no no no there's no potato left do it like this we worked hard for half an hour but we peeled only four potatoes we refused to continue well just put the potatoes in without peeling them let's add some carrots and other vegetables look
in the hampers and take out all the pieces of old food we'll put them in the stew you can put anything in a stew we found half a pork pie a tin of fish and a few broken eggs we added these to the stew Mont Morenci watched us carefully and then left after a while he returned with a dead rat in his mouth he wanted to add something to the stew too we discussed it first Harris said it's all right to add the did rat it will be mixed with the other things a stew needs
many ingredients George said well I don't want to try anything new maybe next time I'm sorry Mont Morenci Harris said if you never try anything new you'll never discover things it's men like you George Who slow down the progress of our world George didn't listen to Harris the stew was a great success it was delicious excellent in every way we all really enjoyed it after the eish stew George and I decided to go to hlay for an eving walk Harris wanted to stay on the boat and drink a whiskey when we returned to the boat
Harris was sad and confused what happened to you Harris swans he said we had left the boat near a Swan's Nest when George and I were in Henley Mrs Swan came back to the nest she started to shout at Harris Harris frightened her away she went to get her husband Mr swan Harris had a terrible fight with these two swans Harris finally won the fight however half an hour later Mr and Mrs Swan returned with 18 other swans there was a horrible fight the swans attacked Harris and tried to pull him off the boat they
wanted to drown Harris and Mont Morenci Harris fought with courage for four hours in the end the swans slow slowly swam away to die how many swans were there George asked 32 said Harris who was sleepy but you said 18 before George said no I didn't I said 12 do you think I can't count we never discovered the truth about the swans we asked Harris about it the next morning he said what swans he thought that George and I were dreaming that night Harris had trouble sleeping he walked me up about 12 times during the
night he was looking for his cloths George woke you up too why do you need your trousers it's the middle of the night George said later Harris was looking for his shoes then he asked for his socks and his umbrella we woke up late the next morning we had a small breakfast and we were ready to go we agreed that we would row the boat and not tow it Harris said George you and Jay can row I'll steer I didn't like this idea and I said no Harris you and George row so that I can
rest I was doing too much work on this trip I always think that I work too much it's not because I don't like like work I love it I find it very interesting I can sit and look at it for hours you can't give me too much work I like collecting it my office is full of it I'm very careful with my work too some of the work in my office has been there for years it is in perfect condition it isn't dirty or anything that's because I take good care of it Harris said on
this boat I'm the only one who works George said you do nothing but eat and sleep Harris I'm the only one who works you and Jay are very lazy people Harris laughed and said George work have you ever seen George work I agreed with Harris George never worked how do you know if I work Harris you're always sleeping except at meal times have you ever seen Harris awake except at meal times George asked me I agreed with George Harris worked very little on the boat oh please I do more work than old Jay Harris said
well it's difficult to do less work than old Jay George added old Jay thinks he's a passenger and doesn't need to work Harris said after this discussion I said to Harris you and George Row The Boat up to reading at reading I'll tow it chapter 10 three men out of a boat we reached reading at about 2:00 the river here is very dirty so we moved on to streetle we stayed at streetle for 2 days we took our clothes to a laundry woman we had tried to wash them in the river as George told us
the river was so dirty that our clothes collected all the dirt from the water the river became cleaner but our clothes became dirtier the laundry woman was very surprised to see such dirty clothes she looked at them and said this will cost you three times the usual price we agreed and paid her the river near strle and Goring is excellent for fishing it is full of different types of fish some people sit and fish there all day however they never catch any fish the local Fisherman's guide book doesn't say anything about catching fish it only
says that the place is a good fishing area and it is you can see many fish swim past but you can't catch them when you go for a walk by the river you can see hundreds of fish they come and stand half out of the water their mouths are open for bread if you go swimming they come to look at you and disturb you you cannot catch them however we passed by Wallingford and Dorchester both are ancient British towns in the days of the Roman Empire the Romans camped here and built fortifications we spent the
night at Clifton Hampton which is a pretty Village we finally arrived at Oxford and spent two excellent days there Oxford is a beautiful town with its old University Oxford is also full of dogs Mont Morenci was very happy he had 11 dog fights on the first day and 14 on the second day he probably thought he was in heaven we left Oxford on the third day to return home to London when we left Oxford it was raining the rain continued without stopping when it's sunny the river is a dream but when it's rainy the river
is was brown and unfriendly it rained all day at first we pretended to enjoy it well this is a nice change too much Sunshine is boring nature is beautiful even when it rains I said yes Harris said it's good to see the river in all kinds of weather the rain is good for you I can't understand people who are afraid of a little rain Harris and I sang songs and we were quite happy George did not agree he stayed under the umbrella we put up the canvas cover before lunch we left a little opening to
see where we were going we continued our trip for another 9 miles we stopped for the night at day's lock we did not have a happy evening the rain never stopped supper was not good we were really tired of cold meat we dreamt about our favorite foods Harris talked about fish cooked in a special sauce Harris gave his cold meat to Mont Morenci he looked at it and turned his head he seemed insulted by Harris's offer he went to sit at the other side of the boat alone George said please don't talk about good food
until I finish this cold meat we played cards after supper after that we had some hot water and whiskey George told us about a man he knew this man had slept on the river in a wet boat like ours he got very ill and died 10 days later of course we began talking about other illnesses after a while I haris said I've got an awful headache it must be the rain well I've got a bad back ache I said to make us feel happier George sang to us that made Harris and I cry and it
made Mt Morenci howl there was nothing else to do so we went to bed we didn't sleep well at all we were awake at 5:00 the next morning our second rainy day was the same as the first it rained all day we moved slowly along the river we agreed to continue our trip even if it killed us it's only two more days Harris said we're young and healthy maybe we'll be all right we talked about our evening with this weather we can have dinner and take a walk in the rain or we can have dinner
and spend an hour in a pub I said that's not very exciting said George it's much more interesting to go to the alhamra theater in London said Harris and then have supper at that little friend French restaurant I added but we have decided to stay and die on this boat said George however there's a train that leaves Pangborn after 5:00 it gets to London in time to eat something and then go to the theater everyone was silent we didn't say one word we looked at one another then we got out the big bag and got
our clothes ready 20 minutes later three men and a dog were going to the railway station we lied to The Boatman at Pangborn we didn't have the courage to tell him the truth we were running away from the rain we asked him to take care of the boat until the next morning if something happens we'll write to you we said telling him a big lie we reached Paddington state at 7:00 we went directly to the restaurant and had a small meal Mt mariny stayed at the resturant while we went to the theater we'll return at
half 10 for the dog and for a good supper I told the restaurant owner the man at the ticket office of the theater said oh you're the famous acrobats from the Hima mountains you're late for the performance please use the side door we explained to him that we were not acrobats he understood and sold us three tickets our clothes probably looked a bit old and strange at the alhamra theater everyone looked at our clothes and smiled some people laughed after the theater we went back to the restaurant we enjoyed our delicious supper after 10 days
of eating cold meat we were thankful for this supper we ate it without speaking then we sat back and felt happy and kind Harris who was sitting next to the window pulled back the curtain he looked at the wet Street it was rainy and dark the wind was blowing a few people walked past under their umbrellas Harris took his glass and said well we had a good trip and I say thank you to old father Tams but I think we were right to come back when we did here's to three men well out of a
boat Mont Morenci stood on his back legs in front of the window he looked at the wet KN and gave a short bark of agreement the end
