I was running this series on my Tik Tok Channel which was called how to still be chased by your partner there was this viral content going around about you know the black cat and the golden retriever not sure where it started but it was going viral however a lot of people came to me and asked me how do you sustain that in a marriage in a long-term relationship if you are watching this you will see my aquamarine book with gold leaf on the inside this is where all my secrets are kept all my knowledge is kept I have one every year and this year's one is this color it's got some fluff on it now and it's not looking its best but it's got all the knowledge in there I'm going to tell you my ideas and my thoughts about sustaining attraction and the Chase from your male partner in a long-term relationship you are not going to hear things like wear lingerie there is not even one iota or part of it so therefore it's going to be interesting in other news if you are watching this as opposed to listening I am holding in my little hands my little cloer oyster hands the new rules by Margarita nazareno host of the hit podcast being her which you are now listening to that is not a self-proclamation apparently this is a hit podcast because of you and I appreciate that this is the book the color is juicy pink with gorgeous red delicious creme brulee candy colors and I really want this to look beautiful on your shelf on your table and everywhere that you read it the new rules is a nondescript title I don't want to title anything like being her or be that girl or how to you know because you want to read it in public you don't want to you don't want them to know what you're thinking about you don't want them to know you don't want them to know how dare they know they have no right to that knowledge of our secret society that we've got going on here takes a sip of coffee and Begins the lesson opens Blue Book I have about 10 points here about the long-term polarity and attraction in a long-term relationship and marriage people often say to me when I do their advice about chasing and men and women and their Dynamics it can even be in a same-sex relationship the Dynamics is between the feminine and the masculine however that falls in your relationship that's entirely up to you the point being is it's very little to do with how you look and very much to do with how you energetically present and energetically us as the feminine in the relationship often gets extremely wrong Point number one is control let's discuss control control is a factor in relationships that breaks down the attraction from the masculine to the feminine the masculine loses a lot of control in relationships and The Feminine starts to manage I know you know that Dynamic of a relationship of a couple the Classic Home Simpson couple that relationship where she knows a lot and he knows nothing have you ever seen that Dynamic where by I saw this as a comment on a meme once where the woman knows everything and the guy seemingly knows nothing and somebody commented yeah my dad who built houses his whole life was asked a question about how to do something in house building by somebody and my mom from the back room goes that's not how you do it Jerry that is literally the feminine toxic control that women seem to deploy as soon as they become a unit with a male partner suddenly and seemingly he does not know how to do anything and she knows how to do everything there is no respect in their dynamic in terms of his autonomy and his knowledge on how to do things that will kill the Chase and the attraction real quick if you have a male partner in your life and you need to know where he's going what he's doing how he's acting he's advising and who he's with 247 then you are killing his attraction to you how can you chase someone that is so dominant in your life and I know it's really hard but because we have a lot of maternal instincts in us we sometimes either by virtue of already being a mom we deploy that M that that maternal Instinct onto them and we start to control them or by virtue of not yet having kids we take that maternal energy that we have and we try and mother our partner but that's Point number two mothering is point number two point number one is control if you have an anxious attachment style and if you don't know about my topics on anxious attachment and how that manifests in women and relationships then search my podcast and YouTube channel but if you have anxious attachment whereby you're not sure if that person's going to be with you they might run away from you you need to always control them that is how it manifests and as much as we like to believe anxious attachment is about feeling anxious and you know just wanting their love it often manifests as a strong performance of control towards your partner if you find yourself constantly overtexting them over controlling them trying to micromanage them then you are pushing that masculine energy person away and you need to really step back with that because it will not do well for you point number two goes well with Point number one and that is mothering AKA smothering I will explain it to you very simply and very poignantly but nobody wants to have sex with their mother no they don't they don't want to sleep with their mother I know that's really interesting to hear but they don't and we get really confused about that as the feminine energy part of the relationship we think if we nurture nurture nurture and do everything for them they will lean into us and chase us no nobody chases their mother they run away from their mother that is natural Dynamic I know my son one day is going to turn around and be like ew get off me do not try and feed me do not try and dress me and that will be celebrated because that's a natural part of being a teenager if you step into the role of mother in your relationship you are going to do two things you're going to leave the part of female partner girlfriend you know sexual attraction open and that's a problem because now that spot is open who's going to fill that spot maybe nobody maybe his imagination maybe an actual woman and you've taken over the part of his mother and usually there is a there is a person there already AKA his mother and if you're going to try and reparent him there is a really bad idea do not try and reparent a grown man who's probably older than you in most cases or the same age as you it's a really bad disaster recipe and you're wondering why he doesn't find you attractive AKA why he doesn't chase you maybe he does find you attractive but he's not chasing you he's just a slob on the sofa he's just sitting there reclining living his best slob life and you're wondering what gives well you are his mom and no one chases their mom people run away from their mom the natural thing to do with a mom when you're a grown man is to rebuke revoke and provoke and become a teenager and say no Mom I'm not doing that get off me so if that is how he's acting towards you understand you are mothering him but how is he going to survive without me how is he going to survive without without me telling him what to do and without me always you know being there for him well how he survived before you that's how he's going to survive he's going to survive exactly how he did before you came along fine happily and successfully stop mothering the guy he is 35 years old guys if you're having a self-care moment there is nothing better than an everything shower and if you are a parent then you know that there is truly nothing better than an everything shower because that moment is so elusive to us parents if we're looking after our kids at the moment I am completing my everything shower with a mega moisture Duo by oia these two products are superheroes for me andaria algae body oil Body Oil guys get on it if you don't know about body oil and face oil there's nothing better as well as the collagen body lotion 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com and use code being her for 10% off thanks guys and let's get back to the episode number three uh belief in your partner a lot of times when we partner up with a man we start to coach him through life and not believe in his masculine prowess and ability to do things yet when we meet a guy or we don't know a guy we have all this belief in him and all this understanding of him being number one number the best I'll say it simply even if you don't believe in him even if you think he is going to f everything up deploy belief and at least figing of belief tell him that he can tell him that he'll solve it and if he's coming to you for issues like he needs to loan money from you or he needs you to solve an issue answer it one way and it is this way I believe you're going to solve it you you've got this you can handle it and I know that sounds like you're opting out of being his partner but what we believe is partnership is not partnership you need to believe in him you need to stop questioning him and there is this energetic mystery that happens when you believe in somebody's best qualities and somebody's potential to do the best in life is when they actually come forward with that bestness in their behavior and that amazingness in what they do number four selfishness you need to be selfish again you need to be who you were when you met you need to be about you you need to be about your process you need to be somebody who is lovable and by lovable I don't mean cute and adorable like a hamster but somebody who he aspires to be around you need to stand for something you need to be about something you need to be in your power as a woman and if you're all about your family and him and everything that he needs and everything he does that is not going to manifest in him finding you attractive because he needs to be pulled towards something and if if you're only about him he is only going to see a mirror of himself in you and that is not sexy and that is not attractive if you want that level of attraction to maintain you need to be the person you were when when you guys met men are very good at maintaining their autonomy and who they were before meeting the person that they're with but women kind of lose it we really launch ourselves into being with a person that we're with in a really attached way and that cannot Foster any kind of long-term attraction and if you're asking me how to maintain that it is very similar to how to maintain attraction in dating and we are very much prone to forgetting what we want and putting ourselves on the back burner even small tiny details like if you booked yourself a nail appointment and then suddenly he wants you to do something or go for a coffee do the thing that you were going to do because that makes you the woman that you used to be when you met him I'm not joking when I say cozy Earth has changed my life I right now have a newborn well she's not a newborn why am I lying she's 5 months old and I have a toddler they're up all the time and I want my sleeping experien very seamless and that is where cozy Earth comes in they are an incredible company they create bedding and loungewear and pajamas and things like that these are incredible bamboo sheets and they are life-changing they regulate your temperature and I swear to God there like between silk and cotton they're exactly the material that I've always looked for and I'm even going to use my code today to order some more because I don't want to be cheeky and ask them to send me anything but they are incredible my listeners and me now get 35% off from cozy earth. com with code being her I love love love and I'm not joking their bamboo sheet set they are incredible it's so comfortable also for the pillow reduces the wrinkles because it reduces the fre ction between you and the pillow so really guys use my code while I have it you also get a 100 night sleep trial if you don't like it send it back no problem so save 35% on cozy Earth loungewear pajamas bedding bath towels and more fall in love with everyday luxury at cozy Earth go to Cozy earth. com and enter my promo code being her that's being her at checkout for 35% off cozy earth.
com promo code being her enjoy I'm going to go on their site now and use it too number five is no people pleasing and the ability to say no which is so difficult if you've got anxious attachment style if you have anxious attachment style it's really hard for you to say no you are prone to wanting to say yes and the best way I've seen it described is you want to say yes by prophecy of ever saying no feeling like you are going to create a chasm in your relationship with the person you're with in terms of them feeling like you've upset them and now because you've upset them they don't want to be with you and you're really scared to do that but attraction likes mystery and attraction likes difference and attraction likes wanting to feel like somebody isn't exactly who you need them to be and wanting to cross that Gap familiarity is love and otherness is attraction so what we're talking about here is maintaining that chase so if you want him to chase you you need to learn to say no he wants to go here no he wants to do that no he wants you to be easy and good constantly no that is where attraction comes from and as hard as that might be to maintain the more NOS you do when it's authentic to yourself you don't just make up saying no to somebody it has to be authentic to who you are and the less you people please the more attraction maintains in a long-term relationship leading us to number six mystery listen Leen in if you are using the toilet in front of him and you think that makes you guys close if you are burping in front of him if you're doing all those kinds of things in front of him and I don't want to debate I don't want to have a mass debate about this I'm telling you about mystery I'm telling you about otherness the whole art of feminine charm and all of this is based on making them believe that we're different to them making them want to do things for us because we're different to them let's keep it going ladies let's not just throw it in the metaphoric bin okay the more you can make him believe that you're ethereal or otherwise or mysterious or feminine or you've got these charms which you do have by the way you can make life Sur you can make life and he can't the more you can deploy goddess energy the more you can make him feel like there's something charmingly elusive about you the more he's going to be attracted to you humanness is great and that's where friendship comes from and that's where connection comes from but you asked me the question about otherness and closing that Gap in in terms of wanting him to chase you we Chase things that are elusive mystery close the door to the bathroom make yourself look feminine which is actually Point number 10 I'll reach it when we get there but let's wait for Point number 10 okay so factor is an incredible company that creates no prep No Mess meals I am so time poor it is unreal but they also meet your Wellness goals in time for summer where you guys are and in time for summer for me and getting my body right after baby they have incredible options with these Chef crafted meals like calorie smart Protein Plus and keto which you know I love the Protein Plus and the keto that's what my body loves you can basically get them done in 2 minutes flat because they are already prepared you can crush your Wellness goals and make really good decisions which I love right now I'm creating the podcast I wrote a book I am doing it all and I've got two small kids I can concentrate on their meals but I often can't concentrate on my own because the shopping and the prepping and the cooking and the cleaning up is just too much head to factor meals. com beinginger and use code being her 50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month that's code being her 50@ Factor meals.
