After Losing My Baby, I Let My Sister and Her Kids Stay With Me When Her Partner | Reddit Stories

After losing my baby, I let my sister and her kids stay with me when her partner cheated on her again, but she left and went back to him after I refused to let her use my late daughter's nursery and our family says I should have ignored my grief to keep her away from him. Posted by you/throw_way472723 throwaway account because a few friends know the username of my main account. This situation deals with infant loss as you might tell from the title.

It's not graphic, but it is mentioned, so those sensitive, please be aware. This story requires some context before I get to the main issue. So, I'm sorry for such a long post.

My sister, 26F, is my only sibling and is a little over two years older than me, 24F. We were close growing up until early teenagehood when she moved in with our maternal grandmother, and I stayed with our mom. Both our parents had drug/alcohol issues, which also resulted in me moving in with the same grandmother a few years later.

This will be important to the story later on. Growing up, my sister had different guys over to my grandma's house often. She was always dating someone, and when it didn't work out, she would have a new boyfriend within the next week.

There is nothing wrong with this. She wasn't sleeping around or anything like that. She was just very pretty and popular within school.

So, boys paid her lots of attention, cheerleader, blonde, blue eyes, tall, slim, etc. I was not like her, but to each their own. I was a freshman when she was a senior for timeline reasons.

Well, beginning her senior year, she started dating a boy, we will call him Dave, who had graduated a year prior. She was 18, he was 19. Things seemed great at first.

They had a great relationship. She was always smiling, and this seemed like a great thing for her. I was extremely happy for her.

After she graduated, he popped the question to her in the summer, and they were set to be married in the following spring. However, she found out she was pregnant around Christmas time that year. So, wedding plans stopped and never picked up even all these years later.

She had a healthy baby at age 21, right as I was finishing up my senior year of high school. It was a very exciting time for our family. Both of our parents were a few years clean each, separated, and we were all very happy.

That's when things started to change within my sister and Dave's relationship. A few months after having their son, my sister found out that Dave was talking to a few different girls online. I never had any clarification if they met up in person or if it was just online.

But either way, my sister was absolutely devastated. When she told my mother and me about this, we tried to console her and offer as much help as we could. However, I was in a college dorm at the time, and my mother was living back with her mom, our grandmother, taking care of her health.

So, there was little we could offer her in terms of leaving him. However, she surprised the both of us by staying with Dave. Dave was the only one making an income for their small house.

And my sister was a stay-at-home mother, and she liked that arrangement more than working, so she said she would try to make it work, especially for her baby's sake. We both understood what growing up in a broken home was like, so part of me understood why she stayed, but the other part wanted nothing more than to help her leave this situation. I promised myself that I would help her whenever I could once I had the means to.

In my sophomore year of college, I met my now husband, 25M, let's call him Jim, and we hit it off immediately. He's so respectful, kind, loyal, and always makes sure I'm taken care of. I felt like everything that went wrong in my life was worth it because I was able to meet this angel of a man.

He is genuinely the best thing to ever happen to me. We both graduated at 22, Jim with a degree in business management and I a degree in nursing. We got our own home, got married, and work hard to maintain our lifestyles.

Everything is great on our end. Our home is a three-bedroom, two- bath house, and we have our own bedroom, a guest room, and one room that was our shared office. That was until I found out I was pregnant with our first baby this past May.

We were over the moon with excitement. Jim and I had been talking about growing our family for years, had names picked out, nursery themes, the whole nine yards. Even more exciting was that my sister was also a few months along with her second pregnancy.

My niece and we were going to give birth about two months apart, her before me. I was praying to have a sweet baby girl so that my sister's baby and our baby could grow up together. I found out in late August that we were going to have a baby girl and I cried tears of joy at the news.

I always wanted a daughter and all our dreams were coming true. We had a name picked out and her nursery was coming together. I like to plan very far ahead.

So, we had most big furniture pieces like the crib, changing table, rocking chair, etc. ready. Aside from wall decor and small items like diapers and burp cloths put away, we were ready to bring our girl home.

We never got the chance to. In early November, I had some abnormal bleeding and we went to the hospital where we found out our baby had no heartbeat. We were beside ourselves with grief.

Jim was extremely supportive of me through this while going through his own emotions. I was hollow of feeling. The last thing I wanted in life was this.

I couldn't imagine this terrible pain happening to myself. Anyone that has gone through this, I am so sorry and I share your pains. My sister had her baby in late November, and while I was excited for her, when I came home from seeing her in the hospital, all I could do was cry.

I hated myself for being so sad at the wonderful news of my niece being born. But I couldn't help my emotions. My sister got to bring home her beautiful baby girl, and I didn't.

I was embarrassed about my feelings and eventually had the courage to go see her again. And I am glad to say that part of me no longer feels so struck with grief looking at her little girl. Time for the actual part in the title.

Yesterday, my sister found out that Dave has cheated on her again. This time, instead of staying at the house with him, she called me and asked if she could sleep at my house for a few days to cool off with her two kids, my nephew, 5 years old, and my niece, one month old. After talking to Jim, we agreed and got the room ready for her and the kids.

The guest bed is a queen. So, we got blankets for my sister and my nephew to share the bed. And I brought out the bedside bassinet for my room and placed it in the guest room.

This was the first time I have moved anything of my babies. And I was devastated while moving it, but pushed those feelings aside to help my sister. My sister arrives at our home and places bags for the kids into the guest room and starts to cry on the couch.

I console her while my husband plays with our nephew and a few toys he brought. My sister is holding her baby, crying and wondering what to do about her next steps, where to go, how to get out, all of that. I'm trying my best to support her, console her, and I assured her she could stay at our house as long as she needs until things are in order.

We order pizza for simplicity and had dinner with the TV, and she sent our nephew off to bed in the guest room shortly after. My niece starts crying, to which my sister begins to nurse her in the living room. Jim and I leave to give her some privacy and tidy up the kitchen and talk amongst ourselves when I notice my sister walking the opposite way of her room a few minutes later close to our room in the nursery.

I call out to her quietly as to not wake the baby and ask where she's going. There is a restroom by the guest room and one connected to mine and Jim's room so I know she's not headed there. She responded, "Oh, did you already take down the crib in the nursery?

" I kind of paused, then said a puzzled no and walked closer as to not be too loud. She just shrugged a bit and said, "Okay, then I'm going to lay n down for the night. " I kindly stopped her and said I put a bassinet in her guest room and that she could gladly use that, but she responded saying, "Oh, well, I figured she would be more comfortable in a crib like she has at home.

" And tried to walk towards the door. I kind of ran ahead of her and blocked the entrance of the nursery, explaining that I was not comfortable with niece using the crib and that I would prefer her to use the bassinet in their guest room. She just scoffed and turned around and said something under her breath.

and went to bed for the night. I felt bad, but figured that was it. Well, this morning I got up for my shift and found my sister getting the kids ready with all their bags.

I asked what they were going to do. And she said they were going back home to Dave. I asked why so soon, if she was really ready or if they wanted to spend more time here, and she made a comment that we are clearly not welcome here, especially niece.

I didn't want to escalate the situation in front of the kids. So, I asked if she would text me about this, and she has yet to do so. I could hardly focus at work and had a panic attack about her being back with Dave on the way home.

When I talked to Jim, he said that I did the right thing and that it was totally reasonable to not let her baby sleep in our late daughter's nursery. I also got a text from my mother saying that I should have just let our niece sleep in the crib as it is not a big deal and your sister is dealing with big things right now. I feel as if I am going crazy, but I just want to make sure my sister is okay.

On the same side, I want to be able to grieve in my own time, and seeing another baby use our daughter's things when I wish it was her that could use them might make this pain come back tenfold. I love my niece so dearly, and I don't want to have any resentment towards her, but fear I might if I see her using my late baby's things. Am I wrong for not letting my sister put her baby to sleep in my late daughter's nursery?

Do I just suck it up so that she can be away from Dave? I don't know what else to do. Any advice is appreciated.

top/relevant comments. Commenter, you're not wrong. You too are dealing with some big things.

Much bigger than your sister realizing her spouse never changed. It is your home and you had a place for everyone to sleep. Too bad.

So sad that it didn't meet your sister's standards. Ops response. I truly do want her to be okay, but knowing she easily ran back into that home with her cheating spouse, I just want what's best for the kids.

I don't know how they fight Slash if they do it in front of their kids either. I just want them to all be okay, but I know it's not my job to fix everything. Thank you.

Commenter two. You're not wrong. She was also trying to put the baby down in the crib next to your room further from her own room.

A one-mon-old who was going to be up and down all night feeding, changing, etc. She wouldn't be able to properly care for her in a room across the house all night. Ops response.

That part was also something I didn't understand. And I also don't know if I could have taken being woken up to her baby's cries so close to me. Maybe I was not far enough along in my grieving process to allow them to stay.

And I am okay with coming to terms with that. OP to another commenter. To clarify, yes, the nursery is closer to my room than the guest room.

My kitchen/ living room is an open plan with a small dining room area that leads to a short hallway. One end of the hallway is mine and my husband's shared bedroom, and the other end of the short hallway is the nursery. On the opposite side of the house was a guest room closer to the front door.

I'm not sure if that layout makes much sense over text, but my bed is definitely closer to the nursery by several feet. I'm not sure if she brought a monitor, but it's possible since she assumed she would be using the nursery, and I'm not sure what her expectations for me waking up would be, considering I never let her get that far. I hope that helps some in understanding.

Commenter three, that nursery is still your daughter's. It was insanely disrespectful of your sister to even walk toward that room. Had she not seen the bassinet you put in the guest room?

Ops response. When I told her I placed a bassinet in the room for her already, she shrugged it off instead of acknowledging it was there, but I imagine she would have had to see it by the guest bed when she placed her bags in the room as she came in and to get her son in bed, which makes her choice to try and use my daughter's nursery hurt even more. Commenter four, this is such a hard situation.

I lost my first born and we didn't open the nursery up until we delivered our second child and essentially decided what to keep and what to donate. My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine having someone so close to me having a living child while mourning my child.

I can see both sides of this. Your mom is out of line. So is your sister for assuming that they could use your daughter's room.

I can't imagine being in the position of your sister, but I think they're being exceptionally tonedeaf and not understanding how hard this could be for you. I am not sure there's a way forward. You need to grieve your child.

Period. And I'm sorry you're being treated in a way you cannot. Ops response.

The grief truly doesn't go away. And right now I am trying to focus on the small successes that get me through the day. I am so sorry for your loss and hope your second is doing well.

I really do care about my sister, but having her treat me this way is something I definitely need time away from, and I need some time away to process also. Thank you. Update one day later.

Wow. For starters, I did not expect my post to reach so many people, and I appreciate every single one of your comments and messages. I have felt the immense love of the internet, and my husband and I have had a great day of reflecting, reading comments, and coming up with what to do.

You guys have truly made me smile for the first time in so long, and I appreciate that more than many of you may know. Thank you for being so kind. For some clarification as well, I am in therapy, as is my husband.

A few of you recommended some grieving counselors, mom groups to join, and a few other resources, which are greatly appreciated. Please rest assured that I am getting the right help to navigate this loss, as is my husband. My sister and Dave are not married, which makes her leaving him even easier in my opinion.

But alas, you will see where that goes shortly. My mom and sister are both quite self-centered. After reading several comments, I have done some reflecting on not only this instance, but other instances from when we were kids/growing up, and I see it so clearly.

I guess hindsight really is 2020. Now, for the actual update, my mom did end up reaching out to me first this morning and apologized for her statement and not seeing my struggles. We had a long talk on the phone that had some tears and long apologies.

And while I am by no means fully forgiving her for what she said, I do find it a step in the right direction for our relationship. I'm speaking to my therapist a bit more about this instead of solely focusing on the loss of my baby. So, that will be great to unpack when it comes up in my next session.

As for my sister, I reached out to her using some of you guys points and statements from the comments. I was extremely respectful, put forward my boundaries, and explained that even though I love her and her kids dearly and want nothing but the best for her, I need time to process my grief still, and opening my house to her would not be the best option at the moment. I know that may sound like the minimum, but coming from being a giver and a people pleaser, this is a big step for me and I am proud of myself.

I received no response back, but I did find out that she posted a lengthy Facebook post about her loving family, her perfect husband, and most of all, her bundle of joy, my niece. If I could upload it here, I would. But I don't want anyone finding it and attacking her.

Yes, I realize that this is a personal attack on not only my decision not to have her baby in my crib, but also like many of you suggested, an excuse for her to run back to her husband. From what I know, he is not physically abusive, but there definitely has to be some sort of manipulation going on mixed with her self-centered attitude that makes them stay together even after this. Though I was extremely hurt by this, I've decided it is in my and my husband's best interest to block their social medias and stay low contact with my sister.

Though it pains me to do so, and I love her and her kids so much. This is what is best for me, my family, and my healing journey. I likely won't have many updates, if any, after this, but I figured everyone who commented and wanted to know how I was going forward deserved a sort of closure to this story.

Thank you all so much for the kind words, the well-wishes, the advice, and having my back when my family didn't. Sorry, this isn't a more juicy update, but it is what I have. My healing journey is far from over, but I think someday I'll be able to look back on this situation and not be as hurt as I am right now.

I hope everyone has a great holiday season and a happy new year. I wish nothing but the best to all of you internet strangers. Top/relevant comments.

Commenter, you're doing the right thing. You and your husband just focus on yourselves and your healing. I really wish you all the best going forward.

I am glad your mom realized she was wrong and apologized to you, too. You are a very kind person. Up.

Your sister is being a child right now, but I hope one day she appreciates just what a kind sister she has. Commenter two, hugs to you, my sweet girl. The road you're walking is sad and hard.

I hope there is a rainbow and love and light in your future. Commenter three, your sister is pretending to have a perfect husband and relationship. You know she doesn't.

He's just good at manipulating her back into his life and pretending like he'll be better. He'll still talk to other girls and cheat. She may have a daughter, but she's not doing her any favors by teaching her it's okay for men to treat her like that.

She's secretly jealous your husband is actually a good man. She needs therapy herself, but for different reasons.