you've got a dream inside of you it's been there all along whispering in The Quiet Moments tugging at your heart when you least expect it but here's the thing that dream isn't going to chase you you've got to be the one to go after it with everything you've got now I know what some of you might be thinking but I'm just a nice guy I don't want to rock the boat or step on anyone's toes let me tell you something being nice and being successful are not mutually exclusive but there's a world of difference between
being kind and being a pushover today we're going to talk about how to stop being the nice guy who gets left behind and start being the good man who gets ahead this isn't about becoming someone you're not it's about becoming the best version of yourself you see the world doesn't reward people for being nice it rewards results it rewards value it rewards those who are willing to stand up and be counted and that's exactly what we're going to learn how to do first things first let's define what we mean by nice guy I'm not talking
about basic human decency here I'm talking about the guy who's always saying yes when he wants to say no the one who's afraid to voice his opinion because he doesn't want to offend anyone the one who's putting everyone else's needs before his own and wondering why he's always coming up short yeah sounds like you don't worry we've all been there at some point but it's time to make make a change it's time to stop being nice and start being authentic now I want you to understand something crucial this isn't about becoming mean or selfish it's
about becoming assertive it's about having the courage to stand up for yourself and what you believe in it's about setting boundaries and sticking to them let me tell you a story years ago I knew a young man named Tom Tom was the quintessential nice guy he was always willing to lend a hand always the first to volunteer for extra work always agreeing with everyone to keep the and where did it get him nowhere fast Tom was passed over for promotions his relationships were unfulfilling because he never expressed his true feelings he was burning himself out
trying to please everyone else sound familiar but here's where Tom's story takes a turn one day he realized that being nice wasn't serving him or anyone else he decided to make a change he started small saying no to things he didn't want to do he began expressing his opinions even when they differed from others he set boundaries in his personal and professional life and you know what happened at first it was uncomfortable some people were surprised by the change but soon something remarkable occurred people started respecting Tom Moore his relationships improved because they were based
on Hon his career took off because he was no longer afraid to show his true value That's The Power of authenticity That's The Power of standing up for yourself and that's what I want for each and every one of you now let's break this down into actionable steps because knowledge without action is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine step one we to say no this is perhaps the most crucial skill you need to develop saying no doesn't make you a bad person it makes you a person who values their time and
energy it makes you someone who understands that you can't pour from an empty Cup start small the next time someone ask you to do something you don't want to do take a deep breath and say I'm sorry but I can't do that right now it might feel uncomfortable at first but I promise you it gets easier with practice step two express your opinions your thoughts and ideas have value don't keep them locked up inside because you're afraid of conflict or rejection share them respectfully but confidently you might be surprised at how often people appreciate a
different perspective remember you're not responsible for other people's reactions to your honest opinions as long as you're expressing yourself respectfully their response is on them not you step three clear boundaries this goes hand inand with saying no decide what you're willing to accept in your personal and professional life and stick to it if someone can consistently disrespects your time your work or your feelings it's okay to distance yourself from them boundaries aren't walls they're fences with Gates that you control they allow you to let in what serves you and keep out what doesn't step Fu
stinking approval this is a big one folks nice guys often bend over backwards trying to make everyone like them but here's the truth not everyone is going to like you and that's okay it's not your job to make everyone happy focus on being someone you respect rather than someone Everyone likes when you approve of yourself other people's opinions become less important step five take calculated risks nice guys often play it safe afraid of rocking the boat but growth happens outside your comfort zone start taking small risks apply for that job you think you're not quite
qualified for share that idea in the meeting even if you're not sure how it will be received ask that person out even if you're afraid of rejection remember every great achievement in history started with someone willing to take a risk step six learn to handle conflict nice guys often avoid conflict at all cause but conflict when handled properly can lead to growth and better relationships don't shy away from difficult conversations address issues headon but do it with respect and empathy A good rule thumb is to be hard on the problem but soft on the person
focus on finding Solutions rather than placing blame step set three prioritize self-care nice guys often put themselves last that you can't pour from an empty cup make time for activities that recharge you exercise read meditate pursue Hobbies whatever is that fills you up make it a non-negotiable part of your routine remember taking care of yourself is isn't selfish it's necessary if you want to be able to give your best to others step eight Embrace failure nice guys often play it safe because they're afraid of failing but failure is not the opposite of success it's part
of success every successful person you admire has failed more times than you can count start seeing failure as feedback not a reflection of your worth when you fail ask yourself what can I learn from this then get back back up and try again step nine develop your skills nice guys often rely on being likable rather than being valuable but in the long run your skills are what will set you apart invest in yourself learn new things become so good they can't ignore you read books take courses find mentors the more you know the more confidence
you'll have and the less you'll feel the need to please everyone step 10 practice assertiveness this this is the Cornerstone of stopping being a nice guy assertiveness is the middle ground between being passive and aggressive it's about expressing your needs and wants clearly and respectfully starts M if your food order is wrong at a restaurant politely ask for it to be corrected if someone cuts in line calmly point out that there's a line gradually work up to bigger situations now I want to address something important some of you might be thinking but isn't being nice
a good thing aren't we supposed to treat others well absolutely but there's a world of difference between being kind and being ad dorat kindness comes from a place of strength it's a choice you make because you value others being a nice guy in the way we're talking about often comes from a place of fear fear of rejection fear of conflict fear of not being liked true kindness true goodness requires backbone it requires the courage to sometimes say things people don't want to hear it requires the strength to stand up for what's right even when it's
not popular think about the truly great people in history they weren't nice guys in the way we've been discussing they were kind yes they were compassionate absolutely but they were also strong they stood up for what they believed in they weren't afraid to ruffle feathers when it was necessary now let's talk about how this applies in different areas of your life in your career stopping being the nice guy means no longer settling for less than your worth it means negotiating for better pay and benefits it means speaking up in meetings and sharing your ideas it
means taking credit for your work instead of letting others take the spot lights in your personal relationships it means being honest about your feelings instead of always trying to keep the peace it means setting healthy boundaries with friends and family it means being willing to walk away from relationships that no longer serve you in your personal growth it means pushing yourself out of your comfort zone it means setting ambitious goals and working hard to achieve them it means being willing to face your fears and insecurities headon instead of hiding from them now I want to
be clear about something this transformation won't happen overnight you're not going to wake up tomorrow as a completely different person and that's okay in fact it's better than okay real lasting change takes time start small choose one area where you've been too nice and make a conscious effort to be more assertive maybe it's saying no to an extra project at work when you're already overwhelmed maybe it's expressing your preference for where to go for dinner instead of always deferring to others as you start to make these changes you might face some resistance people who are
used to you always saying yes might be surprised when you start saying no that's that's okay remember you're not responsible for their reactions you're responsible for taking care of yourself and living authentically here's another important Point as you stop being the nice guy you might lose some people from your life and that's okay too the people who only liked you because you were a pushover weren't really your friends to begin with the relationships that matter the ones built on mutual respect and genuine connection those will only grow stronger as you become more authentic now let's
talk about fear because let's face it a lot of what keeps us stuck in Nice Guy mode is fear fear of rejection fear of conflict fear of failure but here's the thing about fear it's just a feeling it's not a command you can feel fear and still take action in fact if you're feeling fear it often means you're on the right track it means you're pushing yourself out of your comfort zone it means you're growing so next time you feel that fear creeping in thank it for trying to keep you safe and then do the
thing anyway remember courage isn't the absence of fear courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway and every time you do something that scares you you build a little more courage it's like a muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets now I want to address something that often comes up when we talk about stopping being the nice guy some people worry that they'll lose their compassion that they'll become cold or uncaring but nothing could be further from the truth in fact when you stop being the nice guy you actually become more
capable of true compassion why because your kindness is coming from a place of choice rather than fear or obligation you're helping others because you want to not because you're afraid of saying no moreover when you take care of yourself when you honor your own needs and boundaries you have more to give to others you're no longer running on empty constantly depleted by trying to please everyone instead you're coming from a place of fullness able to give generously without resentment let's talk about authenticity for a moment because at its core stopping being the nice guy is
really about being authentic it's about aligning your actions with your true self your values your desires when you're constantly trying to please others constantly saying yes when you want to say no you're living out of alignment with your true self and that misalignment creates stress anxiety and a sense of disconnection but when you start living authentically something magical happens yes it can be scary at first but as you continue you'll find a sense of Peace of rightness you'll feel more confident more grounded you'll start attracting people and opportunities that align with who you really are
not who now I want to share a powerful exercise with you tonight when you're alone I want you to take out a piece of paper and a pen at the top of the paper write if I wasn't afraid I would then set a timer for five minutes and write without stopping don't censor yourself don't worry about whether things are possible or practical just right you might be surprised at what comes out this exercise can be a powerful way to uncover the things you really want the things you've been holding back on because of fear or
because you've been too busy being nice to everyone else once you've done this exercise choose one thing from your list just one and commit to taking one small step towards it this week remember you don't have to do it all at once small consistent steps lead to big changes over time now let's talk about success because that's what this is all about isn't it becoming more successful in your career in your relationships in your life success means different things to different people for some it might be climbing the corporate ladder for others it might be
starting their own business for others still it might be having more fulfilling relationships or making a difference in their Community whatever success means to you I can guarantee you one thing you won't achieve it by being a nice guy you'll achieve it by being authentic by being assertive by being willing to go after what you want success requires you to step out of your comfort zone it requires you to take risks it requires you to sometimes ruffle feathers and rock the boat in short it requires you to stop being the nice guy and start being
the authentic assertive confident person you're capable of being now I want to address a common objection I hear when I talk about this some people say but I don't want to be selfish I don't want to put myself first here's the thing there's a big difference between being selfish and having healthy self-interest selfish people only care about themselves they're willing to hurt others to get what they want that's not what we're talking about here we're talking about having a healthy self-interest about taking care of yourself so that you can take care of others think about
it this way when you're on an airplane they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others why because if you pass out from lack of oxygen you can't help anyone else the same principle applies in life you need to take care of yourself first so that you have the energy and resources to help others so let's reframe this instead of thinking about it as putting yourself first think about it as putting yourself on equal footing with others your needs your desires your goals are just as important as anyone El
else's no more but certainly no less now I want to talk about resilience because as you start to make these changes as you start to stand up for yourself and go after what you want you're going to face setbacks you're going to face rejection you're going to face failure and that's where resilience comes in resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks to keep going in the face of adversity and it's a crucial for anyone who wants to stop being the nice guy and start being successful the good news is resilience is like a
muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets every time you face a setback and keep going You're Building resilience every time you fail and get back up you're building resilience so embrace the setbacks embrace the failures see them as opportunities to build your resilience muscle because the more resilient you become the more Unstoppable you'll be now let's talk about confidence because at the end of the day a lot of what we're talking about here comes down to confidence confidence in yourself in your abilities in your worth nice guys often lack confidence they're constantly
seeking approval from others because they don't approve of themselves they're afraid to speak up because they don't believe their ideas have value they're afraid to go after what they want because they don't believe they deserve it but here's the thing about confidence it's not something you're born with it's something you build and you build it through action through doing the things that scare you through standing up for yourself through going after what you want every time you do something that scares you you build a little more confidence every time you speak up for yourself you
build a little more confidence every time you go after what you want regardless of the outcome you build a little more confident so don't wait until you feel confident to start making changes start making changes and the confidence will come now I want to talk about something that's often overlooked when we discuss personal growth and success and that's the power of your environment you've probably heard the saying you're the average of The Five People You spend the most time with there's a lot of Truth to that as you start to make these changes as you
start to stop being the nice guy and start being more authentic and assertive you might find that some of the people in your life are resistant to the change they might try to pull you back into Old patterns this is where you need to be intentional about your environment surround yourself with people who support your growth who challenge you to be better seek out mentors and role models who embody the qualities you want to embody create environment that supports your growth and success this might mean spending less time with people who drag you down or
try to keep you small it might mean seeking out new friendships and connections with people who Inspire and challenge you it might mean changing your physical environment to support your goal remember your environment shapes you more than you might realize make sure it's shaping you in Direction you want to go now let's talk about the power of your mindset cuz at the end of the day stopping being the nice guy is as much about changing your mindset as it is about changing your behavior you see nice guys often have a fixed mindset they believe their
qualities are carved in stone they're afraid to try new things or take risks because they're afraid of failure they believe that if they fail it means they're not good enough but successful people truly successful people have a growth mindset they believe that their qualities can be developed through effort and learning they see challenges as opportunities to grow they see failure as feedback not as a reflection of their worth developing a growth mindset is crucial if you want to stop being the nice guy and start being successful it's about embracing challenges instead of avoiding them it's
about persisting in the face of setbacks it's about seeing effort as the path to Mastery so how do you develop a growth mindset it starts with awareness pay attention to your selft talk when you face a challenge do you tell yourself I can't do this or do you say I can't do this yet but I can learn when you fail at something do you think I'm not good at this or do you think what can I learn from this how can I improve next time start catching yourself and fixed mindset thinking and consciously shift to
a growth mindset it takes practice but over time it becomes more natural now let's talk about goal setting because stopping being the nice guy isn't just about changing who you are it's about going after what you want and to do that effectively you need to set clear compelling goals nice guys often struggle with goal setting they're so used to putting everyone else's needs first that they've lost touch with what they really want or they're afraid to set big goals because they don't want to disappoint themselves or others but here's the thing setting goals isn't about
guaranteeing an outcome it's about giving yourself Direction it's about having something to strive for something to move towards so I want you to think big what do you really want not what you think you should want or what others expect you to want but what you deep down truly desire write it down be specific instead of I want to be successful right I want to start my own business and be making $100,000 a year within 3 years instead of I want to be in better shape right I want to run a marathon in under four
hours by this time next year once you have your big goal break it down into smaller actionable steps what can you do this month this week today to move towards that goal here's the crucial part take action take action every single day no matter how small towards your goals because here's the truth the difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do now I want to talk about something that ni guys often struggle with self-promotion nice guys are often uncomfortable with self-promotion they don't want to seem boastful or arrogant
they're afraid of coming across as pushy or aggressive but here's the truth if you don't promote yourself no one else will if you don't tell people about your skills your achievements your value how will they know self-promotion isn't about bragging it's about clearly and confidently communicating your value it's about making sure that your hard work and skills are recognized start small practice talking about your achievements without downplaying them when someone compliments your work resist the urge to deflect instead say thank you I worked hard on that in meetings speak up about your contributions to projects
when applying for jobs or promotions don't be afraid to highlight your skills and accomplishments remember it's not bragging if it's true you've worked hard to develop your skills and Achieve what you have you deserve recognition for that now let's talk about something that's crucial for anyone who wants to stop being the nice guy and start being successful continuous learning and growth nice guys often get stuck in their comfort zones they're afraid to try new things because they might fail they're afraid to learn new skills because they might not be good at them right away but
in today's rapidly changing world continuous learning isn't just an option it's a necessity the skills that are valuable today might be obsolete tomorrow the only way to stay relevant to stay valuable is to keep learning and growing so make a commitment to lifelong learning read books take courses attend workshops and seminars seek out new experiences push yourself to learn something new every day and remember learning isn't just about acquiring new information it's about applying what you learn it's about using your new Knowledge and Skills to create value to solve problems to make a difference now
I want to address something that often comes up when we talk about stopping being the nice guy some people worry that they'll lose their values that they'll become someone they don't like but here's the thing stopping being the nice guy isn't about changing your values it's about living your values more authentically it's about having the courage to stand up for what you believe in even when it's difficult in fact as you become more assertive as you start standing up for yourself and going after what you want you'll likely find that you're actually more able to
live your values you'll have the strength to do what's right not just what's easy so take some time to reflect on your values what's truly important to you what principles do you want to guide your life write them down and then commit to living them not just when it's easy but especially when it's hard now let's talk about something that nice guys often struggle with decision making nice guys are often Paralyzed by decision- making they're so afraid of making the wrong choice of disappointing someone that they end up not making any choice at all but
here's the truth indecision is a decision when you don't make a choice you're choosing to let circumstances or other people decide for you successful people on the other hand are decisive they gather the information they need they consider their options and then they make a decision they understand that not making a decision is often worse than making the wrong decision so practice being decisive start with small decisions what to have for lunch what to wear today as you get more comfortable move on to bigger decisions and remember there's no such thing as a perfect decision
every decision has pros and cons the key is to to make the best decision you can with the information you have and then commit to making it work now I want to talk about something that's crucial for anyone who wants to stop being the nice guy and start being successful taking responsibility for your life nice guys often play the victim they blame their circumstances their upbringing their boss their partner for their lack of success they feel like life is happening to them rather than feeling in control of their life but successful people take full responsibility
for their lives they understand that while they can't control everything that happens to them they can control how they respond they know that they are the authors of their own lies so start taking responsibility stop blaming others for your circumstances instead ask yourself what can I do to change this situation what can I learn from this how can I use this to grow when you take responsibility for your life you take back your power you stop being a victim of circum ances and start being the creator of your life now as we near the end
of our time together I want to leave you with a challenge because knowledge without action is useless information without implementation is worthless so here's your challenge for the next 30 days I want you to commit to One Small Change just one maybe it's saying no to one thing you don't want to do each day maybe it's speaking up in one meeting each week maybe it's spending 15 minutes each day working towards a personal goal whatever it is choose one small change and commit to it for 30 days write it down tell someone about it make
yourself accountable and here's the key don't break the chain do it every single day for 30 days no matter what even if you don't feel like it even if it's hard even if you're tired do it anyway because here's the truth success isn't about making huge leaps it's about taking small steps consistently over time it's about building habits day by day that move you towards your goals and as you do this as you start to make these changes as you start to stop being the nice guy and start being more authentic more assertive more successful
remember this it's not going to be easy you're going to face resistance you're going to face setbacks you're going to face moments of Doubt but that's okay cuz any worth doing is going to be challenging anything worth achieving is going to require effort and perseverance so when you face those challenges when you face those moments of Doubt remember why you started remember the life you're working towards remember the person you're becoming and keep going keep pushing forward keep taking those small steps every single day because that's what it takes to create lasting change that's what
it takes to achieve real success you have everything you need inside you right now to make these changes you have the strength the Courage the resilience you just need to tap into it you need to believe in yourself and take action so starting right now make a commitment to yourself a commitment to stop being the nice guy and start being the authentic assertive successful person you're capable of being a commitment to go after what you want to stand up for yourself to live your values boldly because here's the truths the world needs you to step
up it needs your ideas your passion your unique gifts it needs you to stop playing small and start playing big so go out there and make it happen take that first step and then the next and the next and before you know it you'll look back and be amazed at how far you've come remember the Journey of a Thousand Miles begins with a single step take that step today your future self will thank you for it now go out there and make it happen the world is waiting for you
