Parents Skipped My Wedding Because I Got Married Before My 'Perfect' Sister, Now Relatives Are...

parents skipped my wedding because I got married before my perfect sister now relatives are refusing to attend my sister's expensive wedding and my parents say I ruin their reputation I 28f got married 8 months ago after being in a relationship for 4 years everyone attended the wedding with the exception of my parents and my sister 26f I wasn't surprised about my sister not attending since she and I never really got along well anyway I had extended an invitation to her just out of politeness and common courtesy but my parents being a no show was a

surprise it's no big secret that my parents have always preferred my sister over me she's always been better at pretty much everything she is definitely a lot more conventionally attractive than me because I'm kind of short and chubby and she is literally supermodel material I'm not even exaggerating if I'm not wrong when she was in college she actually did dabble a bit in modeling and was part of some assignments but then she got too busy with her degree and quit she has a business degree and right after college she got a job offer from a

pretty big company and started climbing the corporate ladder pretty quickly she's young beautiful and accomplished and my parents have always been more proud of her than of me and to be honest I don't blame them for that she is the daughter that they can actually show off I'm pretty ordinary in comparison I don't deny that because neither do I have the looks nor the brains I'm not demeaning myself I'm just being practical because even though I'm not as accomplished as her I'm still pretty happy with my life it used to sting that my parents were

not as proud of me as they were of her and neither did they make any efforts to give me me the same kind of love and affection with time I just accepted it it's not like I had a choice I had tried to do my best to get my parents to treat me the same way ever since I was a kid but nothing really worked it's like they were obsessed with my sister and I was just never going to be good enough so why bother constantly trying to impress people who were just not going to

see the good in you and just keep comparing you to your sister after one point I just stopped trying I started Living my own life and I have to say after that my life got much happier I still kept in touch with my parents though because I didn't want to create any drama and I knew that they were very conscious about keeping up appearances so if I suddenly just stopped talking to them and cut them out of my life they would make a huge thing out of it and I really didn't think that the drama

would be worth it so I chose to be there at a surface level but apart from that I was pretty distant from them and they didn't seem to mind it either since they had my sister to obsess over that's how it had been for the past couple of years and then last year I got engaged to my longtime boyfriend of course I told my parents about it I even invited them but they didn't show up it's not like I missed them much at the wedding but even then it was a bit of a shock because

it's not even like they had a lot of people did ask about my parents nobody was surprised that my sister didn't show up because they knew that we didn't have the best relationship but my parents not showing up was a big deal especially without even an explanation so couple of days after the wedding I decided to ask them about it even before the wedding when I had noticed that they hadn't rised I had tried to get through to them but they hadn't responded to me back then I did think that something was fishy but I

didn't worry too much about it because I already had a lot on my plate after the wedding though I really needed some answers so I decided to confront my parents once and for all when I called them after everything had been done they finally picked up even though I had thought that they were just going to ignore me like they had been for the weeks leading up to the wedding as soon as they answered the phone call they told me that they were really upset that they couldn't even make it to the wedding and started

telling me that I really should have sent them a formal invitation I was obviously very confused because as far as I was concerned I knew for a fact that I had invited them my husband and I had meticulously gone over the guest list over and over again just to make sure that nobody had been excluded we had sent out physical invitations as well as e invites and I just knew that my parents had received an invitation so when they said that they were upset that I hadn't even bothered to send them an invite on the

phone call I knew that something was off while they were telling me about how insulted they had felt because they hadn't received an invitation I decided to go check whether I had actually sent it or not and sure enough I definitely had so I knew for a fact that they were just trying to Gaslight me but I didn't say anything I just apologized for my mistake and then hung up I was obviously very annoyed that they were trying to make me think that this was my fault somehow even though they had decided to skip my

wedding on purpose for reasons that I didn't even know after that phone call I spoke to my husband about what had happened and how my parents had tried to Gaslight me and he told me that he was pretty sure that they were just upset that I was getting married before my sister so that's why they had decided to skip the wedding and now they were trying to Gaslight me into believing that I had somehow missed inviting them so they would have an excuse without having to own up to their own fault it was actually my

husband who made me realize that they were really just upset because I was getting married before my sister at first I didn't understand what he was getting at but then he brought up several instances first when I had called my parents to inform them that I was engaged now they didn't seem happy at all they looked pretty stunned but I had just assumed that they were surprised because I was calling them to inform them about it at all since we had a pretty cold relationship I had only called them before I posted about it on

social media because I thought this was my responsibility as a daughter and I thought it would be more polite to fulfill it so I thought that's what they were surprised about that I was informing them but my husband told me that he had immediately realized that they were not happy about it because the look that they had on their face was not one of a happy surprise he didn't bring it up with me at the time because he didn't want to make a big deal out of a stressed me out but then even at the

engagement party he could see that my parents were sitting in a corner and sulking instead of socializing with everyone and when he tried to go to speak with him just to be polite he saw that they were on the phone with my sister and he could hear her crying on the other end while they were trying to comfort her it doesn't take a genius to figure out why they were not looking too happy about my whole engagement situation and even though he couldn't hear what my sister was talking about on the other end he could

make a good guess as soon as my parents realized that he was standing nearby they put their phones aside and started putting on an act with him and stuff but it was too late I was quite surprised when I found out these things but it made a lot of of things make sense and the only reason he hadn't told me anything about it was that he did not want to make me feel anxious about the whole wedding since I was already pretty worried about planning it and stuff it was only after the wedding that I

found out about it and I'm pretty sure that this must have been the real reason they didn't attend the wedding because it couldn't have been possible that they did not receive the invitation especially when I had checked and double- checked everything so after they didn't show up at my wedding I decided that I was not going to be speaking to them anymore not even for the sake of appearances I had had enough and if my sister was their only priority then they could stick to that recently a couple of weeks ago I heard from a

couple of my relatives that my sister is engaged apparently she's been with this guy for the past year and he proposed and she said yes good for her and I know that my parents are splurging on this wedding because they've been bragging about it online they've already spoken to a couple of their friends and have started looking into massive venues which are going to be pretty expensive my sister has been telling our cousins that she's going to be shopping from Vera Wang and I just know that it's going to be a huge deal I didn't

particularly care about it but then a couple of days ago my parents got in touch with me and told me that it was really messed up for me to try and ruin my sister's wedding I had no idea what they were talking about so I told them that I hadn't said anything about it neither did I care because we hadn't been in touch for a really long time and I was hardly interested in fighting with them right now but they told me that they knew that I had spent the past eight months after my wedding

just talking crap about my family and they were very disappointed in me they told me that apparently all the relatives that they had spoken to so far had shown absolutely no interest in even attending the engagement party and had already started coming up with excuses to not attend the wedding and they knew for a fact that I had a hand in this because apparently my sister was very upset that our family is going to be a no- show at her engagement party and she had decided to vent to a cousin of ours and she had

been told that apparently I had been telling everyone in the family that my parents had not shown up at the wedding because they were upset that my sister was not getting married before me which is how they would have liked things to be since they think that she's prettier and more successful ful they accused me of painting them in a bad light and now because of my accusations our family was hesitant to even attend the engagement party let alone the wedding and there they did kind of have a point because after the wedding there was

a phase where any time my relatives would ask me why exactly my parents hadn't shown I would just tell them what I thought I was very upset about my parents and their behavior and after whatever my husband had told me I didn't think that I needed to hold back anyway so whenever I ran into any relative or about attending any family event and they would ask me if I finally got an answer as to why my parents were not present at my wedding I would just tell the truth in my opinion I didn't think that

I was gossiping about them or doing anything wrong because as far as I was concerned even though they had always been very concerned about keeping up appearances they couldn't be bothered to do that at my wedding because to them sparing my sister's feelings was more important than anything else so I had learned my lesson I was not going to be putting any efforts and after my husband had told me I thought that being honest was the way to go I didn't really think about the consequences at the time I thought that people deserve to know

the real reason they were not there at the wedding I told them whatever my husband had told me I also told them about my conversation with my parents and I made it sound very casual I didn't even try to make it sound like I was seeking sympathy but I didn't mince my words either what I didn't realize was that word got around and at this point pretty much everyone in the family knows that my parents first skipped my wedding because they didn't want my sister to feel bad about them attending and also because to them

she was also more of a priority and on top of that they tried to Gaslight me to believe that I had somehow missed inviting them and even though they didn't say anything to me directly my relatives have now decided that they don't want to attend my sister's wedding they don't want anything to do with my parents and the cousin who told my sister about all of this had overheard her talking about for quite some time and this girl is quite a bit of a gossip so I'm not surprised that she decided to pass on that

information to my sister and my parents because I'm pretty sure that she just wants to see the drama unfold and she's in luck because my parents are very upset they think that I have sabotage them on purpose and they think that I'm the one who is jealous of my sister so that's why I spread these rumors on purpose and made them look like the bad guys they said that my husband made up that whole incident nothing of the sort had happened and they even accused me of not inviting them on purpose so I could have

an excuse to seek sympathy from relatives and make them look like villains I don't agree with any of that I'm pretty sure that my husband had been telling me the truth and I'm also pretty sure that I definitely sent those invitations to them what I do feel a bit weird about is the fact that because of whatever I had told my relatives they are now choosing not to attend my sister's wedding so Ida for telling my entire family the real reason why my parents did not attend my wedding edit there are several reasons that I

don't get along with my sister and I never have the biggest one being that she's always trying to put me down it's not enough for her that our parents already prefer her over me she needs me to be acutely aware of it at all times I really don't know what her problem is but right from our childhood she's always tried to rub things in my face it's not like I didn't know that she was a lot more successful than me right when we were kids because she was always at the top of her class she

was good at sports and everything and she was also pretty popular that should have been for her but for some reason she made it a point to make me feel bad about it with her snarky remarks comments and stuff like that she had her group of cronies even though I was a senior to them who literally tried to bully me every day and the only reason I never made a big deal out of it was because I didn't think they were significant enough for me to address at worst they were just a minor inconvenience for

me I found them annoying but I didn't care much about them as for my sister I really thought that eventually she would grow out of this stupid little habit but she really didn't she continued to behave the same way kept making jokes about me taking Digs at me and stuff well into her adulthood to the point where I literally just stopped showing up at places because of her I don't want to create any drama I'm a non-confrontational person usually and I don't enjoy interacting with people that I don't like I just try to steer clear

of them altogether so for the past couple of years I've only shown up at at family events when it's been absolutely necessary but when it's small stuff I tend to skip it just because I don't want to see my sister so yeah that's why I don't get along with her and I have no regrets about it either it's not like I didn't try to get along with her when we were kids I really did but at one point you just realize that this is not the kind of person you want to have in your life

that's the sort of Awakening that happened to me a couple of years ago with my sister and then again recently with my parents the only reason I had even been holding on to these relationships for such a long time in the first place in spite of the pain they have already caused me so far was because they were all that I had as a family I mean sure I had my relatives but it's just not the same however now I really do think that my relatives are probably more my family than these people ever were

update one hey so I started ignoring my parents after reading the comments here because I realized that telling the truth to the rest of my family was not as bad as they were making it out to be I just shared my side of things I don't have to feel sorry about it so when they started texting me non-stop I decided to reply and say the same thing to them and then they started arguing with me telling me that I had done all of this on purpose that I wanted to ruin their image for the rest

of the family just because I had always been jealous of my sister we were speaking to each other on a phone call and before I picked up I had already decided in my head at this time I was just going to let it all out because I really needed to vent and as soon as they accused me of being jealous of my sister I just agreed I told him that I indeed was jealous of her but not because of the reason they thought I was not jealous of her because she was more accomplished than me

or because she was more conventionally attractive I had always been jealous of her because instead of being impartial the two of them had always preferred her over me I could understand the rest of the world choosing her over me because of the reasons I mentioned but even my own parents that actually hurt and I was sick of pretending that I didn't care because things like this get to people and even the expectation that this shouldn't matter to me that I should just shake it off and pretend that I'm constantly fine that's also quite unreason reable

but I did that just because I always expected that at some point my parents would start appreciating me for who I am but that never happened and even when I was not trying I was still subconsciously trying to get them to appreciate me somehow that's why I had kept my mouth shut about their terrible treatment of me for so many years but now when I was finally speaking up they had an issue with it just because it was making them look back well tough because if they really think the truth is making them look bad

then maybe they are the problem in the situation and not me if they wanted to come off as good parents then maybe they should have just been good parents and then I would only have wonderful things to say about them but they had handed this ammunition to me themselves so now they have no right to complain about me making them look bad if I wanted you to tell my relatives how I had been treated by my parents how they had always chosen my sister over me and make a big deal out of it then I

definitely would do that by then they had already accused me of playing the victim and seeking sympathy so fine maybe I was doing exactly that instead of calling me again and again trying to get me to go back on my word maybe they should just try talking to my relatives and convince them that they are not the kind of people that I made them out to be maybe that would be a more productive use of their time but talking to me would not get them anywhere because I've already said whatever I had to say and

if my relatives have chosen to believe me then good for me the bottom line was that I was not going to fix the situation for them I'm not responsible for anybody else's reputation apart from mine my parents just went silent probably because they were not used to this kind of behavior from me since I had already mentioned that I'm a non-confrontational person and I'm also pretty quiet and introverted so an outburst like this was not something that I had expected they had probably thought that I was just going to let this slide as well but

I was done letting them walk all over me in the expectation that maybe they would appreciate me at some point but after a couple of seconds my parents told me that since I had already decided that they were terrible parents and I had such strong opinions on their failure to raise me the same way that they had raised my sister they had decided that maybe it was time to let me go so far they had been expecting me to fix the situation because they thought that I was family they thought that I was their daughter

so I would at least be concerned about it but very obviously I was happy that they were suffering so now they told me they had no expectations from me and I was free to lead my life the way that I wanted too they would not bother me ever again they ended their little speech by telling me that at the end of the day both of us were their daughters maybe I just felt like they had always preferred my sister over me because I was the insecure one but that was not their fault and I shouldn't

blame them for it so even in the end they just couldn't accept that a part of this was their fault they wanted me to be the bad guy it took a lot of effort for me to keep my mouth shut but then I just didn't say anything because I knew that again with them was just going to be pointless and I didn't want to end up talking in circles so if they wanted to make me the villain that was completely fine with me at least it would get them off my back but now that I've

gotten my point across I've spoken to them about how I felt all these years I feel a lot lighter and much better now whatever happens with my sister's wedding or whatever I really don't care about it that's their problem to deal with I'm just going to do my thing update to hey a couple of days ago I had that conversation with my parents and today my sister reached out to me and sent me a text saying that whatever I had said to my parents it was really wrong and they were very upset about it after

all they had raised me they had done everything for me as parents and now I couldn't just turn around and tell them that they hadn't been good enough because that was really ungrateful of me she was acting all holier than thou and I knew that was just loving this opportunity to Lord it over me pretending to be the epitome of Grace and dignity when she was anything but that it really annoyed me so I didn't even reply to the text I just blocked her I thought that would be good enough but then a couple of

hours later my husband called me and told me that he had received a text from an unknown number and sure enough it was my sister texting her she had basically just told him the same things and then told him that he needed to convince me to apologize to our parents because what I was doing was really wrong and since he's part of the family now he can't just sit on the sidelines like a spectator and let things like this go on especially when it's making me look like a complete fool I was Furious that she

had had the audacity to text my husband but my husband found it very funny he thought that it was hysterical that my family actually thought that texting him and telling him to make me apologize was going to work and because of him I was kind of able to find it funny as well and blow it off because otherwise I really would have gone all out in the past couple of days I haven't really told anybody about what's been going down with my parents because I haven't had the time to speak to most people since I've

been quite busy with work but then if anybody asks me or if I run into anyone I'm going to be very open with them because I'm sure that that's the thing that's going to make them most upset I'm not usually big on gossiping but if this is making my parents unhappy then I'm all for it and the best part is that it's not even gossiping I'm just telling them my side of things and I don't even have to make anything up I just have to tell them how they actually behave and it's bad enough for

people to dislike them the funniest part of all of this is that even though they already know that I'm not going to be holding back anymore neither am I going to be protecting the reputation of the family by staying silent they're still going out of their way to make things worse for themselves by pulling off these stunts update three hi so it's been a couple of weeks since my last update and my parents have started telling everybody in the family that apparently I'd been spreading false rumors about them to make them look bad just because

I was jealous of my sister and I wouldn't be able to stand it if people actually attended her wedding since it was going to be so much grander and extravagant than mine I was pretty sure they thought that this strategy was going to work making me look like the bad guy and stuff but most of the people from our family had already decided that they wanted to be on my side and to be honest I don't even have to try they already felt like my parents indulged my sister too much right from when we were

kids so my version of things was a lot more believable to them than whatever my parents were trying to get them to believe so instead of just taking their word for it they actually told me about what my parents had been saying about me behind my back and in short their whole plan backfired because now people are laughing at them and their stupidity with me this is karma at its best and I'm really glad that they chose to show their true colors to everyone