friends did you know in 1890 the famous harvard psychologist william james wrote a book called the principles of psychology in that book he claimed that personality was set in plaster by early adulthood this viewpoint remained popular for over a century think about that you were either born with certain traits like people skills and leadership skills or not and if not there was nothing you could do to change it the idea that personality can be improved and developed is a fairly recent one thankfully things have changed researchers in epigenetics now believe that you can even affect
which genes become active and which ones stay dormant by modifying your behavior so my friends good news you are no longer the prisoner of your genes you have the ability to reinvent yourself suppose you were not born a natural people person like me now just the fact that i'm a motivational speaker does not mean that i was born a natural extrovert that's far from the truth i've worked on it and the good news is that you too can develop this vital aspect of your personality called people skills the ability to effectively work with other human
beings which i believe is even more important than your ability to work with cutting edge technology you see technology doesn't run the world people do technology is just an enabler it's people who make decisions it's people who call the shorts and if you're not able to collaborate connect and communicate effectively with your fellow human beings you will miss out on so many opportunities in your career and business and no amount of technical skills can make up for that deficit of people skills so let's jump right into it 10 tips to improve your people skills and
your overall personality and this by no means is an exhaustive list these are the 10 things that were top of my mind which i feel can are really actionable and can help you take your people skills and your overall personality to the next level [Music] number one listen intently listen intently you know what friends the best gift you can give to others in a digital distracted world is the gift of your undivided attention becoming a good listener will help you build rapport and understanding with other people you will become more patient in the process and
your responses will become more relevant and specific bottom line in a world obsessed with tooting your own horn good listeners stand out and command the attention and respect of others number two read to learn i love this quote by american journalist margaret fuller who said today a reader tomorrow a leader developed the habit of reading on diverse subjects the key word here is diverse you know when we read we explore new areas of knowledge our mind expands and gets exposed to various situations especially when you're reading fiction if your brain would be under an mri
scan you'll see different parts of your brain would light up you're doing a lot of scenario building what if thinking there's so much going on that's why i always prefer reading over watching which i believe is a more passive activity reading helps you become a balanced and a more well-rounded personality improves multiple cognitive abilities such as critical thinking creativity problem solving overall i believe my friends reading makes you an interesting person to be around and apart from books also develop the heart the art and the habit of reading people as well and you will soon
realize that reading books was way easier than reading people what jokes about reading people listening to their stories observing human behavior and reading in general on diverse subjects is going to enrich your personality number three talk to people initiate conversations and be at your conversational best if you don't talk to strangers you'll never make new friends now we were conditioned to believe as young kids don't talk to strangers don't talk to strangers but we know the truth if we don't talk to strangers we never make any new friends so enter into as many conversations as
you possibly can you see some things cannot be learned theoretically swimming cannot be learned theoretically leadership cannot be learned theoretically you must jump into the pool to learn swimming you must be with people to in order to influence them and understand them so that you can lead them in the same way a great conversation can teach you so much more than any book ever will a great conversation can inspire inform and ignite new ideas you see here in our office at cutting edge we over the last year we started this new initiative it's called the
beginner's mind show and i've and i've listened to and interviewed and so many incredible people from across the world and learned more in the process than any book or university would ever teach me my friends learning to start and have a deep meaningful enriching conversation is an art and it's an art that you can master with practice i highly recommend you watch this episode of beginner's mind series we shot with susan rohan who's the author of the book called how to work a room wonderful actionable insights in that beginner's mind series we'll share the link
and if you're afraid of rejection when i say about when i talk about starting initiating conversations i highly recommend you go what jia jiang's 100 days of rejection ted talk you know wonderful social experiment right in front of you with loads of lessons of how this guy build his immunity against rejection number four become aware of the tone of your voice you see many people complain about how others reacted unfairly to something trivial that they might have said oh i didn't even say anything i don't know why he reacted so much well only a few
sat down to reflect on what they might have done to provoke that response when i studied nlp one of the basic foundational principles of nlb they call it the presuppositions is the meaning of the communication is the response that you get if you understood this if you've understood this please type it in the comment section the meaning of communication is the response that you get so if you don't get the desired response that means your communication was not on track the essence of communication is getting the response that you want all communication is directed towards
a certain response right if you're not getting the response that you wanted i think it's time to self-reflect i bet nine times out of ten the reason for uh overreaction or from somebody else is usually the tone of your voice or your body language something so subtle at a subconscious level that you probably wouldn't even notice an offensive tone will do far more damage to your relationships than bad language ever will now that doesn't mean you go about using for language on the contrary we are very careful about the words we use but not about
but the tone of our voice okay so that was number four be mindful of the tone of your voice ready for number five now this is what i want you to do take a deep breath in inhale and affirm to yourself i am enough i am enough this is coming from marissa peer who's the founder of the rapid transformational therapy and i have the pleasure of interviewing her and i love this affirmation from marisa which is reminding yourself frequently that you are enough friends if this video is about treating others with respect i you should
start by treating yourself with respect be comfortable with who you are and affirm frequently that you are enough becoming a people pleaser is the wrong strategy to develop your people skills on the contrary my experience i've learned that if i love and respect myself and enjoy my own company others will too be yourself perhaps ralph waldo emerson said it best to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else that is the greatest greatest achievement number six positivity in every situation think about this when was the last time you were
with someone optimistic i'm sure it was probably a long time ago when was the la of course we're not counting this video in that when was the last time you were with someone who was constantly complaining and whining i'm pretty sure this is likely to be very very recent because that's what the statistics say one out of two is a constant complainer so if it's not you it's probably the person sitting next to you but quick question here who would you rather spend time with the optimist or the complainer the lifter or the leaner here's
the thing my friends positivity is infectious the moment you are in the presence of a positive person you feel an instant increase in the levels of energy and dynamism be that positive person smile warmly remain cheerful look for solutions to problems respond instead of reacting brighten your life and of those around you you see people will automatically be drawn to you because you are a rare species and that's what positive people are these days a rare species number seven find the humor in small things in life look out for the lighter moments in life because
they brighten it just like these lights have brightened up our studio you see everyone wants to be in the company of people who like to laugh and not take life too seriously and you don't need to be a stand-up comedian to inject a little humor here and there in every everyday situations i suggest you practice mindfulness being in the moment more often and you too can use these fleeting everyday moments to defuse stress even while you're extremely busy happiness my friends is a state of mind what we need to do is to cultivate it a
good sense of humor is a top rated personality trait that draws other people to you in the words of ella wheeler wilcox laugh and the world laughs with you weep and you weep alone number eight become a lifter take a deep breath in inhale and say out loud i commit to becoming a lifter okay if that sounded weird say out loud while you're watching this video do me a favor type this in the comment section i commit to becoming a lifter you see most of us want to succeed and expect support from others yet we
never imagine ourselves in the position of a support provider or a lifter the truth is everyone's fighting their own battles and a kind word of recognition or a pat on the back or a smile to a stranger will go a long way to heal to uplift and connect be a lifter my friends as well as a problem solver these people will always be in demand the lifters and the problem solvers now talk about problem solving we created um a dead an extensive video on this subject which is called the five steps to becoming a better
problem solver we'll leave the connection at the link for you um in the description above be a lifter and a problem solver you will find that there is way less competition than this club and you will always be in demand because these folks they they again are in the minority the majority are leaners the majority are complainers ready for number nine now treat others with respect okay treat others with respect golden rule treat other people as you would like to be treated okay platinum rule treat other people as they would like to be treated but
learn to respect differences if for those viewpoints don't conform to yours don't be disrespectful if they don't look like you worship the same god like you or eat like you that's not a reason to be rude this quote by maya angelou says it all i've learned that people will forget what you said you see we have a short term memory when it comes to words i've learned that people will forget what you said people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel so be mindful of this because people
will never forget how you made them feel be mindful don't judge books by their covers and when it comes to people don't judge people at all instead read them like you'd read a good book and then you'll have loads to learn from their successes and their mistakes and remember it's the diversity of thoughts backgrounds and cultures that ignites innovation so welcome this diversity embrace it respect others and thrive in this diversity number 10 develop a genuine interest in people including yourself according to the mckinsey institute my friends as many as half of our current work
activities have the potential to be automated in a few decades from now more than half of job activities that exist today will no longer be needed will disappear altogether i quote from the mackenzie magazine as ai takes over many technical tasks human-centric skills such as empathy creativity agility will increasingly take center stage and yet and yet we take far more interest in the latest cutting edge technologies than we do in the good old-fashioned human beings that surround us i'd say this is the wrong strategy make learning about people and leadership communication and interpersonal skills your
top priority and just like learning technical skills you can acquire these skills too okay i granted it's not as simple as that people don't behave like gadgets in a linear way people are unpredictable and that's why this will be more challenging than learning how to write code for example and it'll be more fun too so also remember to set up our time to learn about yourself it's funny how people these days know more about their mobile phones than they do about themselves for example suppose i ask you to describe the 10 features of your new
phone versus describing 10 of your strengths i'm pretty sure you'll do a terrific job explaining the phone but struggle with describing yourself go on try it leave us a note in the comment section my top 10 strengths are dash dash dash and let's see whether it comes very naturally and effortlessly to you or do you have to struggle in describing yourself okay then do the same with your phone or your laptop or something else and let's see the difference no one's perfect my friends but the journey towards excellence starts with self self-exploration aristotle has said
this beautifully knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom your ability to connect and engage with other people their journey begins by knowing yourself in closing this is what i'll say to you my friends honor yourself love yourself learn to enjoy your own company ensure your cup is overflowing that will ensure that you fill other people up too and not merely seek their company for approval or validation i'll leave you with this powerful quote from mahatma gandhi who said as human beings our greatness lies not so much
in being able to remake the world that is the myth of the atomic age as in being able to remake ourselves our greatness lies in our ability to remake reinvent and transform ourselves we all have the power to remake ourselves just start take small steps create a plan stick with it and be consistent i'd highly recommend this book when it comes to understanding the human nature it's called the laws of human nature by robert greene quite an extensive study of the multiple dimensions of human nature great storytelling great anecdotes from history overall a wonderful book
to read you'll find the link in the description below as far as video recommendations go just look for the cards in the video and wherever we have a detailed video on any of the skills we talked about you can click on that link and go and watch that towards the end of this video we will also leave for you a playlist that we created on interpersonal skills and communication skills thank you so much for watching [Music]
