The 1975 Stephen King book Salem's Lot is a brand new film and it's exclusively on one of those stupid streaming services this time Max and look it makes perfect Financial sense you look at it and what it did box office number wise which was very impressive and it was well received by audiences obviously Stephen King and Company are going to take another beloved book and they're going to try to do it all over again was that a Pennywise decision though let's find out together come on Jo join me it's just over here I'm going back
and forth on whether or not I spoil anything in this movie I suppose I won't um it's not good all right let's just get the cards on the table right away it's not good if you wouldn't mind subscribing to the channel before I go on a little you know pissy [ __ ] Fest about this film please do it costs you nothing it's free of yep uh I'm told it's free of charge still to just hit the Subscribe button I would appreciate it even liking and hitting the notific ification Bell will help out the channel
and I would appreciate it much like with it Salem's Lot was also a minseries on TV in 1979 the book came out in 1975 couple years went by they went for it and here they are again just a few more years have come and gone since but it is with a heavy shart that I tell you Salem's Lot did not achieve what it did first of all it didn't even go to theaters where's it at they put in theaters it's coming right to Max which is kind of a death sentence to begin with it just
screams to audiences hey this isn't that good what we have here folks is an R-rated hour and 54 minute chore to get through and the funny part is it's not boring it's not slow a lot of stuff happens too much stuff happens in such a small window of time it would make you think maybe this material would have been better off getting split into a two-parter like it did there just seems to be way too much going on and nothing's really adding up the plot of this film is very conventional for Stephen King it's about
an author moving back to a small town to find inspiration to find himself really at the end of the day King really likes the whole small town thing having an author be the protagonist you write about things you know it makes sense so he heads back to Jerusalem's lot where he's going to get in touch with his roots again he's going to befriend a young woman named Susan Norton who he sees reading one of his books she tells him she might not finish the thing so obviously not his number one fan but she will grow
to like him over the course of however many days this is I'm not sure it felt like a week but the way they act towards each other by the time this thing whines down would make you think they're Inseparable starcross lovers that have known each other for many many moons but uh no I don't think that's it I don't think that's what happened again hard to know because things happen so quickly and so frantically you really don't have time to connect with anyone much like it we do have a young group of kids we going
to follow another loser squad one of them's getting bullied but unlike with those guys Mark Petri the new kid in town is going to stand up for himself he's not taking crap from no one Petri here played by Jordan Preston Carter is the best character in the movie and they take this character to a ridiculous level it's one thing to stand up to your bullies it's another to go Rogue throughout the town taking out vampires left and right which is what this kid starts doing it's it's absolutely absurd there's just not enough time spent with
this character maybe had the movie made this a focus and got rid of the author angle all together which really doesn't add up to much of anything anyways might have had a better film or you make this in minseries well they did maybe we shouldn't have touched it again Shenanigans are revealed pretty early on when kids start going missing and showing back up again with Fang marks and a thirst for blood and this vampire that's living in the most obvious place ever up on a hill house wastes very little time making short work of this
town and before you know it Salem's Lot has a lot of vampires there was a miniseries on Netflix called Midnight Mass that came out a couple years ago I thought that was very well done could have probably whittel down a little bit of the material but overall I thought that was incredibly well done visually stunning Great Performances very creepy Vibe none of that's present in this movie in fact the lighting is bizarre it's kind of like a YouTuber like this right now where there's just random neon lights and stuff hitting people there's greens and reds
and I kept thinking where the where the [ __ ] is the light source coming from that there's this giant green wall hitting this person I believe this is a firsttime director so he's still getting his feet wet with all of it but there's no excuse for the dayt night filter that they're still using it's so bad one of the first scenes in the film features two guys taking a casket down into the seller the seller should be pitch black but I see everything Billy Crystal Clear down there because we're using this shitty blue filter
so it's really hard to get in the head face of a guy that bumps into something and says I can't see [ __ ] down here when I see everything and they're just burning through this story at rapid fire Pace if you're looking for some scares some action some Thrills I I really did not find any of that there was one scene where one of the kids is kidnapped and he's in a bag and he's kind of looking through some of the mesh in the bag and there's getting glimpses of the vampire walking down the
stairs and I thought okay this is cool this is a great concept I like the whole bag vision first person thing we're doing but it's over before you know it and it did not lead to a scare as I was hoping it would it's just a small little atmospheric touch in an otherwise lifeless film the score is generic the people are unremarkable or unmemorable the the lead guy is just kind of like sleeping through the role really again the kid Mark is the only one that's kind of got some energy to him the main vampire
poses very little threat outside of again that opening sequence where it's show showcasing yeah no one's safe here kind of like with it taking out a kid early on it sets the stakes sets the stakes subscribe for accidental puns but outside of that nothing here it's absolutely not worth watching such a waste of my time and sadly I would easily rewatch this again over the pile of ass I watched afterwards apartment 7A holy crap that was awful and I'll be talking about that movie on my next review so maybe think about sticking around for it
all right let me know your thoughts were you a big fan of the book Salem's Lot so you were hoping they would really capture that magic and energy all over again can't imagine you're thrilled with this one let me know in the comments below please like subscribe notification bell all that stuff and then I'll see you next time if you love what I'm doing highly encourage you becoming a member on patreon at patreon.com adamd doov i r did the tier levels at just $5 a month you get access to an exclusive show called The cringe
where I'm playing this ridiculous character kesi Grimes 82 it's really fun and obviously if you supported even higher tiers you get access to Vlogs reviews there's a ton of stuff there I would really appreciate the support and hopefully I catch you next time
