A few weeks ago, a life and culture list from the magazine Dazed was making the rounds on Twitter, inspiring the kind of outrage you'd expect from its title. 10 books that are dating red flags. Immediately, the ancient machinery started churning out the ancient discourse.
You know, red flag books, if you aren't aware, they're what they sound like. You know, books that if you saw someone reading them, they'd be a red flag of maybe I shouldn't date this person or something. The whole hyperfixation on red flag books and its backlash has become a genre on YouTube.
You know, it's it's become oversaturated and cliche to the point that it seems obvious that making a list of red flag books a man might have on his bookshelf is basically like taping a sign to your own back that says kick me. I even made skits about this a couple years ago. There's a million things I'd like to say about the concept of having red flag books, but I'm just going to try to pinpoint my exact issues within this very strange article.
This usually wouldn't bug me, but for some reason I just kept thinking about it. Why? Whenever this discourse comes up about red flag books and you know what's a problematic book to own that that's someone's favorite book or whatever, it's always about books that men would own.
That's what the conversation focuses on. Why? I think there's some good reasons why.
A, women read more than men, like a lot more. And B, women who read are the ones largely reading these types of lists and opinionated pieces. I imagine the most glaringly strange thing about this list is the weird self-conscious tone it has.
Lots of tweets were calling out this piece in tones of outrage and anger like, "Oh, this is so stupid. Why are you trying to police what you know people read? " But not once did I see it mention how embarrassed the list seems to be about existing.
Which titles would ring alarm bells for The Days team if we were to spot them on a date's bookshelves? Read on for our very serious list of red flag books. It's aware that it's stupid.
You know, it's calling attention to the fact that this is just a fun, dumb little thing. And that's fine. It's not that serious, right?
But also within that brief introduction before the list, um the language is all genderneutral. You know, it's all someone uh a date, but most of the entries on the list just say men. All right, so already I'm coming to some conclusions even before reading the list itself.
A, the list knows people will get mad. They even try evading any responsibility by saying things like, you know, it's a very serious list, blah blah blah. And B, they both want to drum up engagement, but they're a little nervous about the backlash.
So, the first entry on the list is A Clockwork Orange. It's a thought-provoking read and probably one of my favorite books. But if the person you're dating thinks Alex is some kind of aspirational anti-hero, it's safe to say you should probably run a mile.
Yeah. So, regardless of anything there, this is just um unhelpful, right? Anyone in 2025, especially a man who has read A Clockwork Orange, is probably going to have some more complex thoughts than um this guy is me.
I'm I'm the guy. I guess this entry is kind of arguing from a perspective that anyone who reads books is just projecting themselves onto a fantasy that that's escapist literature, you know, that's that's part of the enjoyment. But A Clockwork Orange isn't that.
Actually, this is just the beginning of a running theme on the list. I I'll call it the literally me picks. The authors cite different reasons for each, but basically it comes down to it's normal to like this book, but not like this.
If he identifies too much with this character of these books, then that's that's where the problem is, not the books themselves, which are good. Lolita, a man who identifies with Hbert Hbert and doesn't see what he does as creepy is a problem. But yes, if you're just reading Lolita and yearning for a Hbert style road trip with a young nymphette, big big red flag.
That's an understatement. I think if if any if anyone's reading that book and identifying completely and rooting for that character, yeah, I don't even want to get into that. Next on the list, classic Catcher in the Rye, right?
Basically boils down to, you know, dangerous people have read this book. People who have done bad things is Catcher in the Ry is always being picked on. I don't really know why people have an issue with those who enjoy this book.
At at this point, I feel like it's a red flag to be the person who says that it's a red flag because again, it comes down to like assuming anyone who's reading this book is just identifying with the main character and thinking that everything he does and says is correct. Catcher in the Ry really encourages a reading of the book and looking at the subtext and going, "Oh, maybe this there's more here than just what this kid says and things because he's he is a stupid kid and he's going through trauma and all that. " So, if a man you're dating loves American Psycho, just try to make sure it's due to its critique of consumer capitalism and not because he thinks Patrick Baitman is a based alpha gigach.
If they can pronounce Michelle Hulbeck's last name without googling it first, disengage immediately. I can't pronounce it, so I'm okay. The most obvious entry point in his 1998 book, Atomized, a nihilistic novel for the grown-up American Psycho reader.
So, half of this list by this point is just let's assume that the men who enjoy these books don't understand how to read these books. There's a weird paranoia here, as if finding a a man who enjoys reading means they must be doing it for the wrong reasons. Um, like identifying with American Psycho.
Look, I understand, you know, 14-year-old edge lords identifying with the movie version, but if you're an adult putting time into reading a whole ass book, it's likely you understand that depiction doesn't equal endorsement. But so far, none of these have been surprising. This is where the list, to its credit, gets kind of interesting.
The Alchemist. I don't know what this book is about, but an ex of mine used to bang on about it all the time, and it was very annoying. I just wish that all of these lists had this type of tone because that's really what it comes down to of of just like I just have an ick, you know?
That's what it is. It is very silly. And I like that most of this list tries to not take it seriously.
But the problem is, and you may have noticed this already, there are multiple authors for this list. It's a whole group of people just kind of like chiming in on what their red flag books are, the people at this magazine. And it makes it feel kind of incoherent.
There's no real throughine of like what makes a book a red flag or why this would be a problem if a man read this. But to the list's credit, and I don't see see a lot of lists like this doing this, it makes a bold stance against the self-help genre. If someone was really into books like this, I would assume they are boring, materialistic, and vaguely right-wing and that they would consider me lazy and unambitious.
I like fiction. I think people should read more fiction. I've ranted on multiple occasions about people reading for pleasure rather than personal growth or whatever.
Personally, if I saw a person only reading self-help books, uh, yeah, I' I'd have some questions. I mean, I see people like that all the time as it is, I wouldn't assume they're vaguely right-wing, just they're likely just kind of neurotic about productivity. Yeah, that that would be challenging dating a person like that, probably.
Not just men read self-help books. I find that a lot of women read self-help books, too. Then, in an effort to truly piss off everyone, we make a bold stance against young adult fiction.
Percy Jackson, to be specific. It doesn't make you a bad person or stupid or whatever, but I would struggle to feel any romantic or sexual desire towards a grown man whose favorite book was Percy Jackson. I just enjoy the masks off moment here of grown men because the list isn't even trying to be genderneutral anymore.
It is just like grown men, you shouldn't be into this childish stuff, you know? You shouldn't be enjoying this type of stuff because it's for kids. Go play a video game like a man.
You know, to be perfectly honest, this kind of thing annoys the hell out of me because so many people stop reading after high school thinking they have to read all these types of books and thinking that the only books they can read are like, yeah, self-help books, non-fiction, whatever, when really they just want to read Percy Jackson or they want to get back into more adventure escapist fun. And there's lots of great stuff like that for adults, but they feel like you can't do that. You can't explore any of that.
It's totally okay if Percy Jackson is your favorite book, especially if you haven't read a book since high school, you know, which most people haven't. We need to stop being snobs about it. I think way more men would be reading if they felt okay reading young adult fiction.
Tons of women read young adult fiction. They don't seem to have shame about it. You're way more likely to see Percy Jackson hardbacks on a on a grown woman's shelf than a man's shelf.
I mean, just that's just that's my observation. Then there's moments in this list that seem to reveal way more about the author than the books themselves. For instance, I actually don't think All About Love is inherently a red flag book, but it can be alarming to many when certain people, men, have this book in their possession.
When I think about All About Love, I think of that picture a guy took of himself on a beach reading it, and everyone commented that he was only on page one and was already taking pictures of himself. That is so specific. That's something that annoys me, too, reading books as performance because that's not an exclusive thing for men.
Look, it's if you're reading for performance, who gives a like I don't care because you're you're trying something new, like maybe on the outset you're just trying to fit in and look cultured or whatever, but how many how how much do we do is performative at first, you know, or like you're re you're watching this new HBO show because everyone else is doing it and you want to look cool. You want to look, you know, in on the conversation, whatever. Who cares?
I really don't care. It feels like such a non-issue. And I get this book, this list is silly, but how many guys aren't really doing that?
They aren't. You know, if anything, they're performatively saying, "Yeah, I don't read fiction. It's dumb.
It's a waste of time. " You know, All About Love has become associated with the kind of performance for men. It often sits on the corner of their desks collecting dust, but it's there so that any potential romantic partner they may bring home will be impressed by their supposed desire to engage with Hook's work and better themselves.
Another issue is books as object. you know like books as signifiers of who you are. People don't do this really uh about watching movies.
If you if you read a book and you have it on your bookshelf, then it becomes a part of you. It becomes part of your identity on like like I just watched the human centipede trilogy. That's not my identity.
Now, what does that say about? Well, it doesn't say anything good about me. I don't know what it says about me.
Let's move on. But in general, we don't treat other media and art like this the way we do with books. And I my theory is that because reading as a hobby has become hyper materialistic.
It's been equated with book ownership and collecting which I do myself. I collect a ton of books. I love buying books in this world.
Uh you are what you buy. We're at the end of the list. And finally, the cudigra.
This is if you're wondering if this list is designed to make people mad. This final entry h anything by Dostoyvki. If you're seeing someone who's reading a book by Dostoyki, good news.
They have a brain cell. The bad news, however, is that that brain cell is deficient in serotonin. It's so it's just it's rage bait, right?
If this whole list, I'm sorry. If this whole list feels like an exercise in misery, this video feels like an exercise in um stupidity. Don't take this seriously.
We're just having fun. On the other hand, it's so so clearly communicates ideas about how masculinity operates in our culture and how men relate to reading. I'm no expert on this.
I'm just a fella who likes to read books. Looking at this list at face value, I would take away A, men are not to be trusted. If you like something good, it must be for nefarious reasons.
B, you don't really like books. You're faking it. And C, your taste is immature.
Here's what I don't want to do as I try to digest this. I don't want to play into some kind of culture war You know, remember this list is designed to make people mad. Everyone was hostile towards this thing.
Everyone clearly thinks this is bad and everyone made fun of this like I'm doing right now. Just as women are l locked into performing femininity in so many ways, uh so are men locked into performing masculinity. And and as reading fiction becomes more and more dominated by women, men are expected to perform reading in a socially acceptable way.
In Why Don't Straight Men Read novels, Georgina Elliot writes, "In 2023, women made up 80% of the book buying market in the UK, US, and Canada, and accounted for 65% of all fiction purchases in the UK. There's really only one rational, normal way to deal with a list and a subject like this, and that's just to say, I like when people read. We should have more of that.
We shouldn't be policing what people read if we're yelling about women reading young adult fiction or if we're yelling about men reading A Clockwork Orange and American Psycho. I encourage anyone who's nervous about looking like a lit bro read reading Infinite Jest or or like a manchild reading Percy Jackson, I guess, to release yourself from these mental chains and enjoy yourself. You're not what you own.
You're not what you watch. You're not what you read. This feels obvious, right?
Also, Georgina Elliot writes, "This idea of the hyper capitalist man with no time for something as pointless as reading began to take root in the Victorian era. In the 19th century, reading novels developed a reputation as a frivolous and feminized activity as boogeoa women imprisoned in their private sphere took up reading bodice ripping paperbacks as a pastime. So basically, this attitude isn't new.
This has been going on for a long time. It's not Andrew Tate's fault that men aren't reading fiction, although he doesn't help, but this is just the same type of thing that is a part of capitalism. Capitalism, right?
So, the sum of this isn't just to say capitalism bad. Uh, but maybe also that uh culture changes less than we realize or slower than we realize. I think a lot of times we like to think we're so removed from these these norms and attitudes, but we're just repeating the same that was going on in the Victorian era and the guilded age.
We're not so different from people 100 years ago going through their own plague of hustle grind set type influencers. You know, we're not. So, if you feel like as a man or as a human being, you know, the pressure to be productive keeps you from reading fiction, this is not new.
By the way, the piece I just quoted, the Georgina Elliot piece, that that was from the same magazine that published this list. So, if you're wondering if it's just trying to make you mad and me mad, a lot of this is generational, right? There used to be whole genres of paperback fiction targeted primarily at men that boomers consumed in mass quantities.
But, you know, that's a story for another day. When you think about it, so much of today's issues can be traced back to what changed when the boomers came to power. And it's why they still cling to power today.
In Tom Nicholas's featurelength documentary, Boomers, he explores the historical legacy of the baby boomers. He really dives into the good and the bad that their generation brought us in a very entertaining way. This, along with a ton of other exclusive content from your favorite creators, is available on Nebula.
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Okay, bye everyone. And bye-bye.
