sexuality is a Pandora's Box most people assume that it is only a small sliver of a person's overall life but it isn't and sexuality is far far more than the act of intercourse everyone has a unique sexuality and each person's unique sexuality is a direct reflection of their deepest traumas and deepest desires and I'm not just talking about Desires in the bedroom I'm talking about Desires in their life in general today I'm going to explain the most important thing to understand about sexuality as well help you to start decoding your own sexuality so as to
deeper understand [Music] yourself Sexual Energy is Creative Energy this is why sexual energy is what literally brings forth new life and we all know this at a deep visceral level so it isn't hard to conceptualize of the fact that subconsciously your sexuality would be connected to what you want to manifest in your life essentially what you want to create for yourself in fact your sexuality is most closely linked to what you are the most desperate to create and experience and these tend to be the things we felt the most powerless to creating and experiencing in
our life in fact no matter how much we deny suppress and disown these needs and desires they will stay connected to our sexuality the thing is our most desperate desires come from what our deepest traumas this is why working on sexuality is no superficial undertaking rather it will bring you face to face with your deepest core wounds and conf confront you with the reality and vulnerability of what you need and want most in life and once you become aware of these elements so as to consciously uh say get on board with bringing about what it
is you want you will be confronted with everything that is in the way of that sexuality can absolutely be a path to Awakening the key to decoding what your sexuality says about your deepest traumas and deepest desires is contained within the emotional component of your sexual ity in other words what you get out of the specific sexual experience that gets you going everyone has a thing sexually we can call this a fetish but some people's thing isn't what society would traditionally call a fetish this is why unless you have a traditional fetish it's often hard
for people to answer the question what's your fetish the fact that sexuality is connected to your deepest traumas and therefore your deepest life desires means that sexuality is one of the biggest tells of compatibility and in compatibility in a relationship if you want to understand this concept deeper you can watch my video that is titled the hidden truth about your sexuality the place to start with this process is to try to pinpoint what your thing is sexually consider these questions what makes you the most sexually aroused what really turns you on a good amount of
people find what really turns them on at a very young age which is why it's a good idea to think back to the first time you ever found yourself uncontrollably aroused as well what was it that aroused you did you have any masturbation patterns in your youth if so what were you thinking about or looking at or doing what thoughts trigger the most arousal in you if you watch pornography what type of pornography do you keep going back to that gets you the most overwhelmingly aroused are there any interpersonal social dynamics that you find particularly
arousing what would your ideal sexual experience be examine your past what was the best sexual experience that you ever had and what made that so good also what is the worst sexual experience you ever had and what made it so bad if you were to describe sex to an outer space alien down to the most minute details but you had to explain to them how to make it the most erotic experience possible what would you tell them to do how would you describe your own likes and dislikes to them if you were to write an
erotic fiction depicting the sexiest interaction possible what would it be so you can see some examples I'll pull from some of the people I've worked with over the years a person might say I feel embarrassed about it but at the end of the day I just can't get over the idea of being with multiple women in bed this is what I have to think about in order to be able to masturbate or I watch porn where people are totally inated and even unconscious and someone is them or I like when the candles are lit and
there's soft music playing and we spend a long time just softly stroking each other and kissing then we spend an hour slowly making love to each other feeling all the sensations of each other's bodies and we feel so emotionally connected that it's like we're merging or I like to be tied up and I like to be completely immobilized in fact I used to fantasize as a kid that a spider caught me in its web and tied me up and mated with me against my will or I love to roleplay that I'm younger than I am
and that I'm a virgin and that there's an older man who's teaching me how to do it here's the bottom line you guys I don't care how weird or perverted or dark or wrong you judge your answers to be if you want to understand yourself you have to be honest with yourself so once you have the answers to these kinds of questions and you've done a deep dive on what it is that you like then you want to go really deep to dissect what it is about you or thing sexually that turns you on so
much you have to put yourself in the place of imagining that your thing is literally happening in real time as in you're doing it right now now when you're imagining that you're going to slow down and start to really question what it is that you find so pleasurable about it I want you to consider these questions how does each element of it make you feel what is it that you love so much about the way it makes you feel what do you get out of it what about it do you find irresistible what about it
makes you feel better than you normally feel in your day-to-day life for example if we take the person person who said I watch porn where people are totally inebriated and even unconscious and someone's them and they do a deep dive to unpack it they may discover I love that the person can't say no this makes me feel totally and completely received and like they can't not take me in they can't argue or put up a fight they go limp which gives me total control I get to decide what to do and do whatever I want
that feels good to me and I decide when it's over they have a higher pain tolerance because they're inebriated which makes me feel more of a sense of freedom to not have to restrict myself also they have no inhibition either they feel no shame the other person's shame and also my shame inhibits me and I don't like it it's carnal and this means that I can act on my urges rather than being restricted by my mind okay from there you can look to what traumas in your life sit at the opposite side of the spectrum
emot Ally from the answers that you just gave this is your core trauma in life again using our previous example the man whose fetish was to have sex with people who are inebriated he can easily pinpoint how he felt the opposite of these things that he gets out of the sexual experience that arouses him most and also how he's still in some measure of residual pain now in his current life he would say in my childhood my mother was super super controlling and prevented me from letting myself out I was expected to be totally inhibitive
I had to listen to other people but was never allowed to express myself I was never received every single thing I wanted my parents said no to is if I existed for other people's pleasure only I am so so tired of being told no I was not allowed to take action or control I was expected to do exactly what I was told to do and most of all to behave behave behave behave I had to be a good boy well beyond the age where I became a man the idea of being able to control someone
else carries a feeling of Revenge which makes me feel empowered okay from there you're going to try to recognize the ways that you prevent yourself from getting those desires and needs basically oppositional forces to what you're looking to get from your sexual thing so again we're going to use our example of the man who has the fetish towards inebriation ready he may say in my life right now I've been working to get more empowered but at the end of the day I still feel controlled by my family which is controlled by my mother and I
let this happen whenever she tells me to do something I do it I feel inhibited I watch myself being passive in situations where I need to take action I don't express myself I feel any person I'm in a relationship with is the one that has the upper hand I'm frustrated because my sexuality reveals that I am not satisfied in my life and it really points to what I am needing in my life in general I can see that I want to feel uninhibited and yet I restrict myself in almost every situation even ones where it
is completely and totally unnecessary to do do so I also choose Partnerships with controlling women when what I really want in need is a woman who is not controlling and I'd even go further and say that what I need is a woman who wants to be on the opposite end of the spectrum like a lifestyle submissive it's important to note that a person's sexuality may be multi-dimensional rather than onedimensional for example multiple things may get them super aroused when this is the case you want to identify each thing of yours and then unpack each one
so that you can understand this even better I'm going to read you another example from someone who did this exercise hey this person writes I'm drawn to the dynamic of power and resistance where control meets surrender in an intense and thrilling way some of the most memorable experiences I've had were when my partner and I explored non-consensual Dynamics there's something electric about being taken without hesitation or foreplay feeling hands around my throat and seeing the raw energy of it all reflected in the mirrors around us when I look deeper into this I realize what I
like most is the feeling of being completely wanted to the degree that it isn't a question and to the degree that I don't have a choice not even my know can dissuade him it's the opposite of passivity which makes me feel like this man would fight to be with me reflecting on this I see that in my childhood I felt unwanted by the people that I wished wanted me my dad was extremely passive he would watch TV all day and did not pay attention to me he would even make threats of leaving a man fighting
to stay connected to me unable to live without me feels healing to the trauma of having a passive and rejective father doing this has made me aware that I need people in my life who genuinely want me I need a partner because in Partnership there's an intensity to the feeling of being wanted in a committed relationship someone chooses me specifically making the bond feel deeper and stronger than other types of relationships I need and want a partner who truly desires to be with me and who fights for our togetherness recognizing this I see how I've
been standing in the way of what I want I've normalized people feeling indifferent about me in fact I often maintain relationships where others don't feel passionately about being part of my life which sends all the wrong signals I also block what I want by being the one to pull others into the relationship I find myself pulling on them to show up emotionally and physically because I fear that if I don't they won't show up for me when you unpack your sexual things you will discover what it is that you are the most desperate to feel
and what it is you're the most desperate to experience in relationships and what it is you are the most desperate to manifest in your life you will be put in touch with your needs as well as your path to Healing this is one of the reasons why sexuality is such a power ful part of healing by the way if you want to understand this deeper you can watch my video titled healthy sexuality versus healing sexuality but once you discover these emotional Roots behind your sexuality they need not be limited to the bedroom you can take
your desires out of the bedroom and find conscious ways to meet these needs and fulfill these Desires in your everyday life as well as to dissolve the oppositional forces to it for example the man who had the fetish of inebriation saw that one of the needs underneath it was to feel a sense of inhibition now let's just take only that he can deliberately seek out ways to be less inhibited in his life such as to take an acting class or to act on impulses to be spontaneous or to do an expression process or attend an
ecstatic dance event or to practice verbal expression or to learn a martial art or get a sexual partner who enjoys receiving another person's full uninhibited behavior in the bedroom he can start to do Shadow work with the aspects of him that continue to keep him inhibited decoding your sexuality can really help you to custom design your life and I'm going to hit you with a really harsh reality here right the reality is if your sexuality is connected to it it must be consciously incorporated into your life in order for you to have a fulfilling life
and in order for you to be in alignment with your personal expansion have a good week [Music]
