welcome in here out there all around the world to The Late Show I'm your host step colar tonight I just tonight I I just I just want to start off um if if y'all don't mind on a personal note uh I want to say thank you to my Glam Squad uh backstage they are they are the hardworking men and women who J me up before the show they had a big job tonight because the news this weekend was so horrifying in that before I went through hair and makeup I looked like this here's the deal
you see on Friday Trump held an oval office photo op with Ukrainian president vomir zalinski that turned into a press conference that mutated into a cluster Munch in just 10 minutes Donald Trump reversed 80 years of post-war US foreign policy air six weeks ago keep in mind mere 6 weeks ago America defended democracy against autocrats and promoted free and open societies all around the world now we're on the same pickle ball team with Russia and you don't want to know whose pickled balls we're playing with so our friends are now our enemies our enemy is
now our friend we're breaking up with Europe we're friends with Russia You could argue that's a good thing you could argue that's a bad thing but what you can't argue with is is that's the thing and keep in mind zalinsky was here to salvage our relationship with Ukraine by joining Trump in a signing ceremony where he would hand over to us 50% of the revenue from Ukraine's Rare Earth minerals instead Trump and solinsky's meeting exploded into a shouting match and talks collapsed in 10 fiery minutes so things were looking promising but then everything exploded and
collapsed it's a phenomenon political scientist referred to as the Amelia Perez Oscar [Laughter] campaign there was tension really right from the start right there was tension in this meeting right from the beginning when a far-right reporter went all mom before church on zalinski my second question for president zalinski do you ever why don't you wear a suit you're the highest why don't you wear a suit you're at the highest level in this country's office and you refused to wear a suit just want to see if you do own a suit yes no it's an important
question in the Oval Office there is a strict dress code of decorum you must either look like a businessman or a guy trying to hand you a flyer outside of a strip club all right Runway 69 run with got classy girls we got classy girls in response to the reporter's suit question zalinsky sassed his ass uh I will wear costume after this war will fin finish okay yes maybe one maybe something like yours yes maybe some something better oh oh oh oh no he didn't damn damn is nice suit the store where you bought that
they also have men's department seriously where did you get that suit Joseph A bankrupt hey here's here's where things went from bad to B first JD Vance opened his wet little mouth which is never a great start he pops off criticizing the Western Alliance for not appeasing Vladimir Putin we tried the pathway of Joe Biden of thumping our chest and pretending that the president of the United States's words mattered more than the president of the United States's actions what makes America a good country is America engaging in diplomacy oh for Pete's sake that's not true
we all know Joe Biden never thumped his chest it would have shattered like a creme brulee Secret Service won't even let you near the man with a spoon seninsky reminded these idiots that you cannot trust Putin he broken this his fire he killed our people and he didn't exchange prisoners what kind of diplomacy JD you are speaking about what what do you what do you what do you mean yes JD what kind of diplomacy are you talking about an ally of the United States is defending his people from a bloodthirsty war criminal and you're scolding
him like a kid who left a wet towel on a wood floor and you're doing it in front of a bust of Winston Churchill he looks pissed I wonder what he's thinking JD I will kick your ass on the beaches I will kick your ass on the landing grounds oh wait I have no legs then zilinski asked Vance if Vance even knew what the hell he was talking about you ever been to Ukraine that you say what problems we have I have been to I've actually I've actually watched and seen the stories and I know
what happens oh yeah JD's got to have his stories yes watching a story about something is exactly the same as experiencing it babe babe I know what you're feeling I've never given birth but I watched brizard Jones baby three times I mean seriously where's my epidural Trump uh got jealous of Vance's screen time and he jumped in to pain a grim picture of Ukraine's chances against Putin you're right now not in a very good position you don't have the cards right now with us you start having cards right now you don't you're playing cards you're
listen you're playing cards you're playing cards you're at a table you're all at a table with a bunch of dogs who are drinking beer here you're the little Bulldog Vladimir Putin is the big beautiful Mastiff and let me tell you if you don't start thanking me things are going to get rough zinsky kept reminding these numb nuts that Putin breaks every single deal he ever signs which a reporter then asked Trump about what if Russia breaks this far what if Russ of Race Face talks what do you do then understand that it's a he what
are you saying she's asking what if Russia breaks the ceasefire what if they what if anything what if a bomb drops on your head right now yeah that's how Putin's going to break the ceasefire this meeting was embarrassing and chilling and confusing or As Trump put it this is this is going to be great television I will say that look as someone who works in the the business by which I mean the industry you never want to make great television you want to make good television great television means something has gone horribly wrong good television
is any episode of el Beth great television is this it's a small world pretending I was a un interpreter oh good lord he's fine Kelsey's fine but that that was great television the room wow the room uh the Oval Office there it was packed with press including an unnamed reporter from the Russian State media organization TS unnamed Jim can we get see a picture of that reporter aha now one group want to say up here say press that's okay uh one group of folks that was watching that great TV was everyone in Europe uh even
before Trump's spittle had been squeegee up European leaders rallied around zalinski and messages of support flooded in from Germany France the Netherlands Spain Austria Belgium Luxembourg Sweden and Ireland do you know do you know how bad things have to get for all of Europe to agree on anything they can't can't even agree on the way their toilets should be weird in Germany we believe there should be so something viewing platform in the toilet so theas can be examined before being removed using one of the nine different buttons on the top sininsky also receiv received messages
of support from political leaders in the former Soviet Union including Poland Croatia Estonia lvia Lithuania mova Romania and Slovenia there was even a moving statement of support from one famous Eastern European Aristocrat a free Ukraine as part of a complete breakfast European leaders were so disturbed by Trump's behavior that they held a hastily convened Summit in London on Sunday stuff like that only happens during a real emergency like one of your gal Pals announces she's getting married to a DJ okay everyone over to my house right now we cannot let Brenda marry a man who
does not have health insurance but does have a COK spoon at the summit Europe pledged Military Support to Ukraine and the president of the European commission declared that Europe urgently needs to rearm and member states must be given the fiscal space to carry out a surge in defense spending oh great Europe's going to get their own giant military now we can't rearm Germany you know how they get and they're good at it I'll tell you who is happy because after that disgraceful geopolitical rug pull Russia is celebrating yes they're celebrating Russian style drinking vodka out
of a pickle jar while they stare bleakly out a window at a leafless tree party rock is in the house tonight everybody going to have a good time we got a great show for you tonight my guests are Brian Tyrie Henry and Tony Hawk when we come back Melania Trump stick around [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] w [Applause]
