My students are often surprised when I tell them that speaking with clarity, fluency and confidence did not come easily for me. Yes, I'm a native English speaker and yes, I am an English teacher with more than 25 years of experience and my expertise is in gaining fluency, but that doesn't mean those skills came naturally to me, not in my second language and not in English. Have you ever thought, I am just too shy to speak with confidence, or I can never be confident like somebody else?
Or maybe you've listened to someone else and thought, oh, she speaks so fast, she's so fluent. Why can't I do that? Or if I slow down, I'll sound less fluent.
My coworkers will be bored. I have to speak faster. They must think I'm foolish or silly for forgetting the word I wanted to use and getting stuck.
It was so simple. I have had all of those thoughts in my second language and in English, but then I discovered that all of those beliefs, those things I was telling myself were myths. A myth is a false belief.
When I discovered what is true, it completely changed my mindset. It changed my approach to learning, my motivation to practice and my ability to make progress in my speaking. Most importantly, it gave me confidence, the confidence to keep going.
This is true in my second language and in my native language, English as well. In this lesson today, I want to help you become a Confident English speaker by addressing what is myth versus reality and giving you practical action steps you can take to make progress in your English confidence and fluency. But quickly, if this is your first time here, welcome.
I'm Annemarie, an English confidence and fluency coach. Everything I do is designed to help you get the confidence you want for your life and work in English. If you'd love to get more free resources and lessons from me, including years of my weekly Confident English lessons, you can find them all at my Speak Confident English website.
While you're there, make sure you download my in-depth, How to Get the Confidence to Say What You Want, training. This is a step-by-step training where I share with you my number one strategy for fluency and confidence building. Now for this lesson today, there are five common myths about fluency and confidence that I want to address and I want to highlight what is true so that you can make progress and move forward because when we believe in myths false beliefs, they stop us from making progress and it doesn't have to be that way.
So by understanding what is true and having practical action steps, you can move forward. Here are the five myths we're going to talk about today. Number one, some people are naturally confident speakers.
Number two, fluent English is always fast English. Number three, confident speakers never need to seek clarification. Number four, confident speakers never experience setbacks and they don't really make mistakes.
And number five, you either have confidence or you don't. So myth number one, some people are naturally confident speakers. This is a myth I believed for years because my husband is an extrovert who seems to feel totally comfortable speaking with anyone, and he always appears confident this is true in English and in his second language.
It used to make me so jealous, but it doesn't anymore. Like me, you might believe that some people like extroverts are naturally confident when they speak because of some of their personality traits. Extroverts are often described as individuals who are outgoing, energetic, and conversational, and because of that myth, there might be another myth which is that introverts can't be confident when they're speaking with others.
Introverts are often associated with personality traits such as being shy, reserved, and withdrawn, but that isn't always the case. There are plenty of introverts who love being around people and feel very comfortable in some contexts. The difference is introverts prefer to think before they speak, whereas extroverts think by speaking out loud.
Furthermore, the reality is introverts can absolutely be fully confident, fully fluent, and speak with exceptional clarity in any situation. I know that's true because I am highly shy and highly introverted, and I work with many students from around the world who similarly in their native and non-native languages are shy and introverted, and yet they develop the same skills. I want to help you develop in having clarity, fluency, and confidence, so here's a practical approach to help you speak with confidence no matter what the situation might be.
Use your natural skills as an introvert to your advantage. Now, you might not be an introvert in your native language. That might not be your true personality.
However, you might be experiencing some of that in English due to anxiety when you want to speak, and the advice that I'm going to share, it applies in both contexts. The natural ability here is to take advantage of thinking before you speak, by giving yourself time or taking advantage of the time you have, you're able to organize your thoughts and be more prepared to share them with others, to share them with confidence. This is a skill used by all powerful public speakers, including many who are introverts.
Now, here's how you can practice this in real life when you can and if you can always take time to prepare or organize your thoughts in advance. What this means is taking time to think through whatever discussion you're going to have, maybe put down some notes on a piece of paper and talk through them out loud. Practice saying them out loud so that you get comfortable with your voice and with the words that you're going to use.
Doing this in advance means you're able to express those thoughts and organize them without judgment from anyone else. You have that time to think before you speak. This is helpful.
For example, if you're preparing for a job interview or if you are going to a meeting of some kind, and you know what the topic of discussion will be in advance, whether it's a business meeting, a volunteer meeting, or a book club discussion. Now if it's in the middle of a conversation, you can also pause briefly in order to take advantage of those little moments in time to organize your next thought. Don't try to plan the next 20 minutes of what you want to say.
Just plan the next thought and then the next one and the next one and the next one. This approach encourages you to embrace little pauses while you speak, moments that allow you to breathe, moments that allow you to organize that next idea and it takes the pressure off. Now, if you are worried that using a pause while you speak so that you have that time to think, you can use a phrase to buy yourself some time.
For example, just give me a moment to think or can you come back to me in a moment? I just need a moment to think about this right now, you might be thinking two things. Number one, Annemarie, we don't always have time to prepare, and number two, I'm not sure pauses are going to help me.
They're going to make me speak too slowly. I'm going to talk about both of those. Number one, you're right, we don't always have time to prepare, but we have more opportunities than you think, and when you practice speaking regularly, including moments when you are simply practicing to prepare, it helps you become a better spontaneous speaker as well.
I have a particular method that I love to use with my students to help them in this process so that they're able to gain increased confidence and fluency in their speaking. If you'd love to get that in-depth training, you can find it at my Speak Confident English website. It's called How to Get the Confidence to Say What You Want in English.
I'll share a link to it down below this video, and now let's talk about that second fear that pauses are going to make you sound slow. This brings me to myth number two. Fluent speakers are always fast speakers without a doubt.
This is a common misconception and unfortunately it's perpetuated by English speaking TV shows and sitcoms where someone might speak unnaturally fast for dramatic or comedic effect. And yes, there are many English speakers who speak extremely fast that doesn't make them good communicators. In fact, they may speak so quickly that fellow native English speakers don't really understand everything they say.
Let me say all of that again. Yes, some English speakers do speak really fast, but that doesn't make them effective communicators. In fact, some other Native English speakers might not understand anything that they say, Ooh, that's really hard for me to do, and did it sound clear, confident and fluent to you?
It definitely sounded fast, but was it good communication? No. The reality is fluency is about smooth, natural, clear communication with you in control.
When I was speaking super fast just a moment ago, I did not feel like I was in control. My brain was chaotic and I knew that I was probably making some mistakes while I was speaking, but I couldn't catch them and I couldn't prevent them because I wasn't giving myself any time to organize my thoughts and be careful about what I wanted to say. Again, fluency is about smooth, natural, clear communication with you in control.
So what is some practical advice you can follow to make progress in this area? Aim for clarity over speed. When you speak as I demonstrated, speaking quickly isn't the same as speaking clearly.
To improve your clarity and overall fluency, aim to use little pauses while you're speaking. If you listen to me carefully, you'll notice I use them quite a bit. I use them in between sentences.
If I have a long sentence, I might use them in between groups of words or a single thought. I'll also use them before and after words that I really want to highlight. Every time I make one of those pauses, it's giving me a few things.
It's giving me time to breathe, which is super important. It also helps to maintain a sense of calm, so I think more clearly it allows me to think briefly about the next thing that I want to say, whether it's the right word, the right grammar structure or the right pronunciation. This is true in my native language and in my second language.
Lastly, it brings clarity to my speech. It is smooth, it's natural sounding, and it's clear for you to understand. That's important.
If you and I are going to have a conversation or if I want to share something important with you in this lesson, I need to make sure that my speech is easy for others to understand. If I speak too fast all the time, you're going to miss all of the important details. I'm not going to be able to breathe and I'm gonna lose my focus very quickly.
I'll also make a ton of mistakes. Now, if you're not sure about this, I've got a challenge for you. I also want you to go watch a skilled public speaker.
It could be someone you admire on a podcast or a Ted Talk speaker, and once again, you'll notice that skilled communicators embrace using these pauses. If you'd like to learn a little bit more about how to use the power of the pause, I've got a lesson for you titled Speak So Others Listen, and if you'd love to learn and practice using pauses with me, definitely check out My Fluency School program. Myth number three is confident speakers never seek clarification.
In fact, you might worry that by asking others to clarify what they've said, it's showing some sign of weakness or lack of confidence. However, the opposite is true. Confident speakers don't hesitate to ask for clarification.
In fact, it shows that they are fully engaged in the conversation and committed to understanding. This is also a sign of active listening in English speaking culture. Some practical steps you can take here is to practice asking for clarification.
Do it in conversations with people you feel comfortable with so that you feel comfortable using specific phrases and questions As you get comfortable with them, you're more likely to use them in context when you truly need to understand or get clarification on what was said. Some phrases I love to use when I need to seek clarification might be helpful to you as well. Number one, sorry, I didn't quite catch that.
Would you mind repeating what you said? Number two, I'm not sure I'm following you. Could you explain what you mean by or could you give me an example of what you mean by that?
And number three, would you mind saying that again? I want to make sure I've understood perfectly whether you're listening to someone give you instructions at work, having a discussion on a family matter or debating a topic with someone. All of these phrases are appropriate to use when you need to get clarification, and if you'd love to get more examples, I have a full lesson on this titled 13 Ways to Clarify When You Don't Understand, I'll leave a link to that in the notes below the video.
And now myth number four, confident speakers don't have setbacks. They don't make mistakes and they don't fumble over their words. Oh my goodness, this one is definitely a myth because I know that I fumble over my words, make mistakes, lose my train of thought all the time.
My team can tell you that's true. My students can tell you that's true. When we're in spontaneous conversations, our brain doesn't always communicate to our mouth and we can't always say exactly what we wanted to say in the moment.
We forget things, we trip or fumble or lose control over our words. Our mind goes blank, we lose our train of thought. These things happen.
They happen to everyone, even the most skilled communicators. Now, when you practice consistently, you can prevent that from happening more often. You can maintain better control when you're speaking, and you can learn to regain control in those moments when you feel like you've totally lost what you wanted to say.
In fact, I had to do that recently inside my Confident Women Community, I was sharing an update on how to use a progress journal, and while I was speaking, I forgot the word journal. Journal, this is such an easy word, but my mind went blank. I couldn't remember the word journal to describe this progress journal.
So for a brief moment, I felt a little bit of panic. I felt silly and embarrassed, but then I used the skills. I know I have to regain control.
First, I took a deep breath. I just tried to calm down. Then I tried to find an alternative word that I could use to describe this document, and in the process while I was explaining it in another way, the word came to me that happened because I stopped panicking.
I just calmed down and found a way to move forward. This is a skill that you can develop with practice, and more importantly, confidence comes from the knowledge and the ability to overcome setbacks. So here's some practical advice, practice speaking where it is safe to make those mistakes and it's safe for you to practice using skills that help you overcome those mistakes.
As a perfectionist and as an introvert, I prefer to organize all the details in my mind, have everything ready to go, and I want to feel prepared when it's time for me to speak. I don't like making mistakes and I don't like the advice that I should just go practice with anybody and not worry about mistakes. The truth is I do worry about them and I don't want to make them, but they do happen.
They always will, and it's perfectly natural to feel annoyed, frustrated, maybe even silly or embarrassed. When they do, when mistakes happen in the moment of speaking, the best thing that you can do is pause briefly, take a deep breath to calm down and regain control. Give your brain that moment of time to speak, and you can either correct the mistake or move past it.
For example, you can go back and you can clarify if necessary. You can do that using a sentence starter such as, oh, what I meant to say was Another option is to apologize for the mistake if necessary and correct it. For example, oh, I'm sorry, what I meant to say was, or, oh, I'm sorry.
I wanted to say, and then continue. If you're comfortable, you could even make a joke out of the situation. For example, sorry, I think I had too much coffee this morning.
If it's a more casual circumstance, you can simply say, oh, sorry, I made a mistake. I meant to say, and then insert the word or idea you wanted to use. That's exactly what I did when I forgot that word journal.
Now, on top of all of that, there's one more thing I said that's very important, and that is to find a place where you feel safe. Practicing a safe place where you can practice speaking, allow yourself to make mistakes when they happen and learn how to overcome them. So I encourage you to find a speaking community where you feel safe practicing with others.
Perhaps there's someone that you work with or a neighbor you have that you enjoy speaking with and you feel safe practicing with them. Earlier I highlighted my How to Get the Confidence to Say What You Want training, and in that training I also talk through how you can feel more prepared and overcome making mistakes in the moment. I also give you a practical way to get speaking practice no matter where you live, when you practice consistently, you will reduce mistakes going forward and you'll feel more comfortable overcoming them in the moment when they happen.
And finally, myth number five, you either have confidence or you don't. This is a very all or nothing perspective, and it assumes that if you don't feel confident right now, it's not possible for you to get there, but that isn't true. Confidence is a hundred percent absolutely no doubt about it possible for you.
Every confident speaker started at the beginning. They learned the basics of clear communication. They practiced consistently.
They observed their skills and learned how to overcome mistakes in the moment, and they continued to practice and practice and practice to sharpen their communication skills. Even after gaining confidence, a confident speaker will continue to practice because they have the mindset that there's always an opportunity to improve, and with the right skills, with the right support structures in place with appropriate practice, they will make those improvements. At least this is true for me, and it's true for every skilled communicator I know.
The truth is when you listen to a skilled public speaker or an excellent podcaster or a coworker who sounds perfectly fluent in English, what you are hearing is their highlight reel, not all the months and years of preparation that got them to that moment. Confidence is nurtured and developed over time through practice and exposure to different situations and conversations. So here's my practical advice.
Embrace the confidence building learning cycle no matter what it might be. Learning to play the piano, learning to play tennis training to run a marathon, preparing for an art show, learning to draw, do ceramics. There is a natural learning process and a natural process to gaining confidence in any skill.
This confidence building cycle is learn to inform your action, to improve your ability to shift your self beliefs, to build your confidence, to motivate your continued learning. Do you notice that this confidence learning cycle doesn't say, learn and wait. Wait for motivation, wait to feel prepared, wait for confidence, wait for progress, and then take action.
No confidence, motivation, and progress all come from taking action. This means the best thing that you can do to gain confidence in anything including speaking English, is to take action and then do it again and do it again and do it again. Let me give you eight recommendations for how you can start to take action and get speaking practice right now.
Number one, download that training. I told you about the training on How to Get the Confidence to Say What You Want in English, because with that training, I have a bonus, a four-week speaking practice program that will help you develop a meaningful habit and make progress. Number two, join an English speaking community.
This could be an online speaking club or an in-person, English speaking meetup. Number three, join a club or a volunteer organization. For example, you could join a book club in English, or as one of my Confident Women Community members did, you can become a volunteer at a local art gallery.
Number four, find a language coach or teacher you trust and feel comfortable with and take a speaking class with them, whether it's online or in person. Number five, ask a coworker or neighbor to meet with you regularly for speaking practice. This is something I did while I was living in France.
I found someone I felt comfortable with. We agreed to meet one time a week to practice, and we spent 30 minutes of time practicing French for me and 30 minutes of time practicing English for her. Number six, listen to a podcast or a TED talk in English.
While you listen, write down new words or phrases that you'd love to add to your vocabulary. When you're finished, practice summarizing out loud what you heard in that podcast or Ted talk and review those words that you want to include as well. Aim to include that vocabulary while you're summarizing what you learned.
Number seven, talk to yourself out loud in English when no one is listening. This is something I love to do. I often talk to myself in French out loud in my house when I'm alone, while cooking dinner or when I'm driving my car.
And idea number eight, join a speaking focused organization. An organization such as Toastmasters. The most important thing is to do what you can to take action.
Start small, expand your comfort zone slowly, and work with others who will support you and encourage you. When you do all of that, you'll enjoy improved abilities, renewed motivation, increased confidence, and better fluency. In this lesson today, I shared with you several options you have for taking that next step.
So here's a question I have for you. What is the action step you are committed to taking? What is one thing you can do this week to take action in your English share with me down below?
I would love to cheer you on and help you take that next step. With that, if you found this lesson helpful to you, I would love to know and you can tell me in a few ways. Number one, you can give this a thumbs up on YouTube.
You could subscribe to the Speak Confident English Channel so you never miss one of my weekly lessons. And number three, you can drop a comment down below. Thank you so much for joining me, and I look forward to seeing you next time.
