How to Keep a Relationship Going

how can you tell whether a relationship is going to last the course or whether it's doomed to founder what's the difference between fragile and solid couples here are some of the things to look out for in couples that seem very fragile fragile couples tend paradoxically to be very hopeful about love they associate happiness with conflict-free unions they don't expect once they've found the person they unwisely see as the one ever to need to squabble storm out of a room or feel unhappy for the afternoon when trouble does emerge as it inevitably will they don't greet

it as a sign that love is progressing as it should rather they take it as alarming evidence that their relationship may be illegitimate and fundamentally flawed their hopes tire them for the patient tasks of diplomatic negotiation and routine maintenance fragile couples tend not to be good detectives of their own sufferings they may both be rather unhappy and yet unsure as to the actual causes of their dissatisfactions they know that something is wrong in their unions but they can't easily trace what they can't zero in on the way that it was maybe a lack of trust

in them around money that rankles with their partner or that it's been their behavior towards a demanding youngest child that's been hurting so they lash out in vague or inaccurate directions their attacks are either unfairly general or unconvincingly specific someone who is shamed has fundamental doubts about their right to exist somewhere in the past they've probably been imbued with an impression that they don't matter very much that their feelings should be ignored that their happiness is not a priority that their words don't count now once they're in a couple shamed people hurt like anyone else

but their capacity to turn their heart into something another person can understand and maybe be touched by is very weak shamed people will start to sulk rather than explain they'll hide away rather than share they'll feel secretly wretched rather than complaining honestly it's frequently very late far too late by the time shamed people finally let their lovers know more about the nature of what's driving them to despair complaining well requires an impression that not everything depends on the complaint being heard perfectly right now were the points to go a bit wrong with a partner to

prove a bit intransigent one could survive and maybe even take one's love elsewhere not everything is at stake in every argument the partner hasn't ruined one's life one therefore doesn't need to scream hector insist or nag one can deliver a complaint with some of the casualness of a calm teacher who wants an audience to learn but can bear it if they don't one could always say what was on one's mind tomorrow or the next day when everybody's had a bit of rest it takes an inner dignity not to mind too much about having to level

complaints around things that could sound laughably small or that leave one open to being described as petty or needy with too much pride and fear it can become unbearable to admit that one's been upset since lunchtime because they didn't take one's hand on a walk or that one wishes so much that they would be readier to hug one last thing at night one has to feel pretty grown up inside not to be offended by one's own more childlike appetites for reassurance and comfort it is an achievement to know how to be strong about one's vulnerability

one may have said rather too many times from behind a slammed door in a defensive tone no no nothing is wrong whatsoever go away when secretly we're longing to be comforted and understood like a weepy upset child fragile couples often come together with few positive childhood memories of conversations that have worked out early role models may simply have screamed at each other and then despaired these people may never have witnessed disagreements eventually evolving into mutual understanding and sympathy they would deeply love to be understood but they can bring so few resources to the task of

making themselves so none of these factors mean a couple will have to split up but they are generators of the states of the kind of emotional disconnection that can eventually break two people apart outwardly things may seemingly be well a couple can have an interesting social life maybe some lovely children a new apartment but a careful analysis will reveal a high degree of risk the good news is that knowing a little about the risk factors can help us to identify them in good time and with the help of some good advice for example from the

school of life fix them while there is still time please comment like and subscribe and take a look at our shop for more from the school of life