most guys go through their entire life never discovering the secret that you are going to learn in this video which results in women liking you 781 more this secret is very easy to use and it requires you to make a simple adjustment to how you approach an interaction with a woman and it applies when you're first meeting a woman when you're on a first date with a woman and even when you're in a relationship with her the secret continues to work but when a guy doesn't know this secret he will often look on at other
guys who seem to have a certain something with women and he'll never be a to figure it out the other guy will start interacting with some women that he likes that he finds attractive and they will like him they will try to impress him they'll be trying to win him over and the guy who doesn't know this will look on and think what the heck is going on there right what is he saying what is he doing well that's what you're going to understand in this video so essentially there was a study that was published
in the Journal of experimental social psychology and it was called gain and loss of esteem as determinants of interpersonal attractiveness the participants in the study were 80 female students from the University of Minnesota and essentially they would be interviewed by the experimentor and another person participating in the study and after they participated in the interview with the experimentor and the other person in the study they would quote unquote accidentally overhear themselves being talked about and they would either hear themselves being evaluated and talked about from a negative to then positive assessment of themselves or positive
all the way so just positive positive or negative all the way so negative at the start negative at the Finish just unfavorable evaluations of them or the evaluation would start out positive and then end negatively so which of those four do you think would make a woman like the evaluator more naturally most people would assume that if the evaluator was talking about them and started out giving positive feedback about them and saying positive things about them and continued on then the female students would say yeah I like that evaluator I like that person right but
as it turned out they liked the evaluator who started off with some criticism of them started off with negative assessments and then went to positive so I'll explain you can say and do when you're around a woman in terms of a dating context and relationship context in a second but first I'll read some quotes from the study to help you further understand how it works when a expresses negative feelings towards B so when the experimentor or the evaluator expresses some negative feelings about the female student being b b probably experiences some negative effect for example
anxiety hurt self-doubt anger Etc if A's Behavior gradually becomes more positive positive his behavior is not only rewarding for be in and of itself but it also serves to reduce the negative State previously aroused by a therefore the total reward value of A's positive behavior is greater essentially meaning that if the woman was made to feel a bit anxious a bit uncertain a bit hurt initially and then she was made to feel accepted to feel like she was held in the esteem of the evaluator respected admired appreciated valued and so forth then that would make
her feel better and it would be more valuable right so for example if she were to be reviewed and the feedback was just positive positive positive all the time then it can be assumed by the woman that the evaluator just likes everyone or that's just how they are they're just positive they just tend to look on the bright side of life they don't really have much discernment or standards or they tend to just be nice and give nice feedback all the time so that is seen as less valuable compared to feedback from someone who does
have some discernment some standards right so they don't like certain things but they do like other things right so that seems like a more real response so the researchers called this the gain loss Theory and the gain loss theory in and of itself just giving negative feedback initially and then changing to positive feedback is not the most effective method when you're going out there starting conversations with women or starting off a first date with a woman or you're in the midst of a relationship or marriage with a woman and you want her to like you
more right instead a way to help you understand it is to think about how women behave when you first meet them right so when you first meet a woman without her having to give you negative feedback she actually uses the gain loss method in that initially with most women they will have an air about them where they are assessing you they are evaluating you they aren't 100% sold on you from the beginning the woman may be friendly she may be interested in the conversation but you will sense an air about her an energy A vibe
that you have not gained her esteem to use the word from this particular study right so it's about gaining the esteem of another person gaining the favor gaining the respect gaining the admiration being likable to the other person so she will have an air about her where you haven't yet gained her esteem right and when you continue to interact with her and she shows you more interest then it feels like you're quote unquote winning her over right which is why a lot of guys try to search for things like how to win a girl over
how to win a woman over because women are usually in that position where they are the ones that guys are trying to win over but you can actually flip the script and you can use the gain loss method for yourself so that women try to win you over and you don't have to be mean rude or nasty to do that just like women don't have to be mean rude or nasty to do it essentially it's either going to be you or the woman who takes on the role as the evaluator as the one who is
being the selector making the decision on whether or not the other person is likable enough if they have gained your esteem in almost all cases men do not take on the role as the evaluator they put that over to the woman and they are hoping to be liked by her they are hoping to gain her esteem yet how do you do it right so it's not a case of walking over to a woman and giving her negative feedback about herself and then standing there chatting to her giving her negative feedback and then eventually changing to
positive feedback because that's just not going to fly at a bar or a party or any sort of social interaction women will get annoyed by that but instead it's about the energy that you project and some of the things that you say so for example I've spoken about the energy in terms of how women tend to have an air about them where they are assessing you but you can also say something like this you know I wasn't 100% sure about coming over and saying hi to you but you are very interesting after all I like
your take on some topic that she was talking about it shows me that you're not just a pretty face there's a brain in there too or when we first started talking I thought you were quite shy but your confidence is shining through now I like it essentially by saying something like that it shows the woman that you have some discernment that you have some standards that you have some taste that you are assessing her that you are evaluating her but you're not doing it in an overly arrogant way for example you're not saying something like
this you know I wasn't quite sure about coming over and talking to you but I mean now that I'm talking to you kind of seem interesting I mean I mean you might have a brain that there is being arrogant it's being rude mean and so forth but when you're just being more easygoing about it but you're also showing that you have some taste you have some standards you are thinking and noticing things about her it makes her see that you like her not just for her physical appearance that her behavior is something that is starting
to win you over as a result in most cases a woman then naturally feels a desire to win you over more she starts seeing you as a cool guy compared to if you were just positive all the time now I want to point out here that it's actually fine to be positive from the beginning and be positive throughout the interaction and you can still get results with women but there has to be something about you that is making the woman feel sexually attracted so for some guys that's going to be that they're tall and good-look
for other guys they're rich or they're famous or something like like that but for a guy like me when I was interacting with women to pick them up before I settle down what I had to do was actively display some traits that would make the woman feel sexually attracted to me and one of those traits for example I teach the eight personality traits that naturally attract women in my ebook the flow which you can also listen to as an audio book one of the traits is humor and specifically the type of humor that I teach
is playfully challenging humor playfully challenging humor is where you playfully challenge the woman and therefore she feels attracted to you because you have the balls to do that you have the confidence to do it you have the social intelligence to do it and it makes her feel girly and feminine in comparison to you because you actually have the masculinity the balls to do something like that when interacting with a woman so for example if you're interacting with a woman you ask her what she does for a living and she says that she's a dentist most
girl will say oh wow yeah that's impressive and how long you been doing that and how do you enjoy your work and so forth and when I used to say those sorts of things women would have a nice conversation with me we'd get along but there'd be no sexual spark right and when I figured out how to use playfully challenging humor and I started doing it I would then say something like this to a dentist a dentist all right I have Dentures can you tell and by that I'm playfully challenging the woman in the moment
I'm not being rude to her and trying to make fun of her or anything like that I'm just creating a play challenge in the moment rather than just being accommodating being reassuring being nice all the time I'm playfully challenging her and therefore I'm showing that I have some balls right I have the guts the courage to be able to say something like that to her and risk her potentially not liking it but women get it they understand that type of humor they see it as flirting they enjoy it because it makes them feel girly and
feminine in comparison to you they like to feel a bit challenged they like a guy who isn't afraid of but is still being a good guy so another example is this you're a dentist okay well look I brushed my teeth today okay just take it easy keep those drills away from me and with that you're just playfully pushing her away a little bit and you're showing that confidence that Courage the social intelligence to be able to do that so the thing is you can start off being positive with a woman and continue being positive and
as long as you are displaying some traits that are making her feel sexually attracted and you know what to say and do to from one step to the next then you will get results with most of the single women that you meet however if you want to bump up your attractiveness a little bit more then you can start out by letting the woman sense that you are evaluating her that you're not fully sold on her yet yes you may find her attractive you may like her and you're showing some interest but there's an air about
you there's a Vibe where you're evaluating her you're not quite sure yet and women pick up on that and as it has been proven by this study and by my experience as well going out there and picking up so many women they like that they like to be in the position where they feel like they need to win you over now I'll point out that a lot of the time that I was out there picking up women especially initially for the first few years I was just doing positive positive right I was starting off in
a positive way showing some attractive traits being positive and moving the interaction forward yet as I gained more experience and I became a lot more confident in my attractiveness to women because I had so much evidence that they found me attractive and that I could go out there and pick up women on any night I went out I started to develop an air about me a Vibe about me where I was truly assessing the woman because I knew that if I didn't like her right I could talk to another attractive woman and get her instead
so when I was interacting with an attractive woman I wasn't thinking to myself okay I'm just going to display attractive traits and I'm going to sleep with this woman no matter what I was truly assessing her and wondering whether or not I would want to spend more time with her in the bedroom or have a dating relationship with her and so forth would she actually be an enjoyable person to be around because if she wasn't then as I said I could just talk to another attractive woman and make her feel attracted and flow from one
step to the next with her if I liked her more and it gets to the point where you in the position that most women are in in the dating scene where most women are in the position where they are saying yes or no to guys they are the ones who are in the position as the evaluator they are deciding whether or not the guy gets the chance and you really can be in that position from the start if you want to you can just take on that position as the evaluator but for me it was
something that took me a while to figure out right initially I was just happy to be going out there and picking up women and being just positive and starting off in a positive way continuing the interaction in a positive way and getting laid every weekend that I went out I was happy with that but it gets to the point where you really do believe that you deserve to be the evaluator and as it turns out it actually boosts your attractiveness to women right so you become more attractive to women by putting yourself in the position
as the one who is initially assessing her and not sure about her and her behavior how she's coming across is winning you over and therefore you start to like her more and she then feels excited about that because to pull another quote from the study a gain in esteem is a more potent reward than invariant esteem so invariant esteem means that it's never changing you're just always getting positive feedback you're always positively accepted and similarly the loss of esteem is a more potent punishment than invariant negative esteem so going from a person saying good things
about you to then saying negative things about you and not liking you feels like a more potent punishment than if it's a person just always not liking you so for example in the dating scene a lot of guys will walk up and start a conversation with a woman and they'll be positive they'll really like her because of her appearance but as they start to talk to her they won't be able to handle certain parts of her personality right she might not be very reassuring towards him she might be a little bit challenging for him to
talk to because she's the sort of woman who needs a guy to be more confident around her she doesn't want a guy that needs her to be reassuring all the time and constantly letting him see that she likes him she approves of him and so forth she's a woman who wants a guy who approves of himself so what will often happen is that a guy will walk up to a woman and he'll be positive he'll be nice to her but then as the conversation continues he'll start to dislike her because she's not being reassuring and
warm and loving and caring towards him she seems a little bit indifferent and he then starts to dislike her and starts to be a little bit less nice in the interaction potentially become rude in the interaction and potentially show her that he doesn't like her based on his body language and based on his reactions to her and potentially how he walks off from the conversation in a situation like that she will really dislike the guy because it feels to her that he just doesn't understand her right he started off being positive and he gave her
that positive assessment and evaluation based on how she looked but then he changed his behavior towards her and his treatment of her and saw her in a negative light because he couldn't handle the conversation with her so a woman who's confident in herself and wants a guy who is more confident than her doesn't want to be with a guy like that in a relationship because it's going to require her to not be herself she's going to have to really Panda to him and be more soft and gentle with her words than she wants to be
than she is naturally inclined to be and therefore she's not going to be herself she's going to feel like she's putting on an act for him and she has to basically baby him and mother him therefore she's really going to dislike a guy like that however if that same guy with the same physical appearance walked up to her and initially had an air about him where he was assessing her he was being positive he was interacting with her keeping the conversation going showing some interest but he had an ear about him where he was assessing
her and he wasn't feeling uncomfortable and awkward because she wasn't being reassuring all the time she would respect the fact that he wasn't 100% interested in her just based on her appearance alone and that her behavior would have to be likable to him in order for him to truly like her and what that does to women is that it brings out their more friendly easygoing site women become more loving more warm more open now of course she will still be a bit challenging and she will still want to see that he can be confident when
she's not being reassuring but because she is in the presence of a man that is making her feel attracted and has taken on the role as the assessor and the evaluator she is then naturally inclined to be the one who wants to be accepted and approved of she is the one being evaluated now if she's extremely confident and wants a guy who's more confident than her then she will realize the position that she's in and she'll continue to be challenging she'll continue to see if he can handle it and if he can handle it then
what happens with women like that is that they suddenly soften right the woman suddenly shows that loving warm side of herself that she rarely shows to other guys and because you've been able to bring that side of her out and she knows how rare it is she then likes you so much more she then feels like she needs to have something happen between you and her she doesn't want to stuff it up and she then makes herself easier to pick up okay so the gain loss method in terms of relationships and marriages so what often
happens with a couple they start off being positive towards each other and if the man starts off being positive towards a woman and then changes to negative she can really dislike him for that if a man was positive at the start and continues to be positive then she will like that too right it'll be comforting it'll be secure for her but what adds more likability to you and gives you a bit of an edge in the relationship where the woman is trying to impress you and she feels the excitement of wanting to impress you and
to make herself look beautiful for you to make herself more feminine and attractive for you is when you take on the role of the evaluator while still being loving and respectful towards her so it's not about being in a relation ship and just giving a woman negative feedback for days or weeks and then gradually changing to say something nice about her instead it's partly about what you say and it's partly about having an air about you that lets her see you find her more attractive when she is behaving in certain ways or when she presents
herself in certain ways now that doesn't mean only show interest in her if she does her makeup and wears a nice tight fitting skirt if you do that then she'll feel like she isn't attractive to you when she is wearing her pajamas and so forth and therefore she won't feel very attractive in the bedroom right when she's lying there in bed at night she'll potentially feel insecure about how she appears to you it's important to let her see that you find her more attractive and that you are more interested in her if she is behaving
in ways that are attractive to you you give her more affection in moments like that when she's behaving like that and that essentially puts you in the position where you are the evaluator and for most relationships most men don't achieve that what they achieve instead is that the woman is in the position as the evaluator and the guy is always trying to do whatever he can to hopefully be liked more by her and live up to her standards but the thing is with women you can never please a woman 100% if you give a woman
everything and do everything for her she might feel happy in that particular moment but then she's not going to be happy about this or that she wants you to do this wants you to do that she's not happy with this she's not happy with that and so forth It's a NeverEnding thing and you should not put yourself in that position as a man where you're hoping that if you just do everything then one day she's going to say all right you've done enough now I'm going to like you forever now I'm going to be attracted
to you forever and I'm just going to be nice to you all the time instead you need to bring that side of her out and as I said earlier in the video it's either going to be you or the woman who's in that position and as a man it's better for you to be in that position and for the woman it's better for her when you're in that position she is happier and it has been proven by this study and I can tell you from my experience as well a woman is so much happier in
a relationship when she's loved and respected but when she also feels that desire that need to impress you to win more of your esteem to win more of your liking to win more of your love so the thing is in your life as a man you are going to approach your interactions with women in a particular way and the way that you approach your interactions with women is going to cause them to feel a certain way about you and treat you a certain way and there's nothing wrong with putting yourself in a position where you
are treated well where you are respected where you are loved where a woman feels like she wants to win you over more and more there's nothing wrong with doing that and best of all it actually feels better for the woman so it's a win-win for you and the woman
