Hello! I'm Brian David Gilbert, and recently, my COBRA insurance ran out, so I used that QLE to look up some HDHPs and PPOs but ended up going with an average premium HMO health insurance policy. Every word in that sentence burned as it came out of my mouth.
That’s right folks, I’m talking about the beautiful American tradition of private healthcare. Something embedded so deeply in the heart of the American people that only a surgeon could excise it, and it would cost at least 60 thousand dollars. As an adult who left a job with benefits at the end of 2020, I had planned to find my own health insurance much earlier.
But I had my own doctors and therapists that I already liked. And every time I faced the marketplace’s heinous user interface and jargon-filled summaries, my mind would shrivel up like a deflating parade balloon. *distorted dial-up noises* So when I was forced to find a new health insurance provider in June of this year, I decided to learn everything there was to know about the FSAs and the HSAs and the CHIPs and the dips and a one two three!
ScabadaBAYdop! *bad piano playing* Woahdaaaa, that's jazz, baby! I do, finally, have new health insurance, although it was a long and difficult road to get there.
And although I am definitely not the best person to explain the intricacies of the marketplace, I’ve made this video to help ease you into the terminology in case you need to purchase health insurance and don’t want to spend a year and a half doing what I did. *distorted dial-up noises* Sure, this video is a little different from the ones I’ve made in the past, but I’m nothing if not unpredictable— I'm—don't put that in the screen! I'm unpre- I'M UNPREDICTABLE!
And for those of you non-Americans watching this video and thinking, *bad French accent* I do not need to watch this video, I am BRITISH! Consider this a cautionary tale. Because there are definitely people in your country that want to privatize health care.
And you can’t let them do that. YOU CAN'T LET THEM DO THAT. So let’s get into it.
Please enjoy this cursory and most likely useless guide to American Health Insurance Terminology. *WHAT'S HEALTH INSURANCE? * Look we gotta start with a strong foundation.
Insurance is a way to manage risk. Say I’ve got a figurine that I really love and would be heartbroken if *SOMETHING TERRIBLE* ever happened to it. An insurance company can quantify that emotional attachment and say “Hey, if *SOMETHING TERRIBLE* happens to your figurine, we’ll pay you $100.
All you gotta do is pay us $1 every month. ” So if I sign that contract and pay them $1 every month, and *SOMETHING TERRIBLE* does happen to it, they’ll pay me $100 so I can replace it. But I could never really replace it.
Health insurance is like that, *CRASHING NOISE* but for your health! And considering your health is defined as the mental and physical condition of your body, then health insurance should pay for you to get better in the event of an illness or bone break or *SOMETHING TERRIBLE. * You know, let's go ahead and get rid of the Mental part of that.
Can you make it “Specific parts of the. . .
" Throw an extremely on top of tha— *WHAT'S DENTAL AND VISION INSURANCE? * Here in the United States of America, scientists have researched for dozens of years in order to prove one inimitable truth: your teeth and your eyes are not a part of your body. And although we’ve gotten closer to understanding what those little wet balls are doing inside your skull, 9 out of 10 dentists agree that your teeth should not be trusted.
*distant recorder toot* *I’m a little scamp! * Technically, these are separate because dentistry and medicine are considered different fields, and so insurance companies view them differently. And vision insurance is different because it mostly covers eye exams and corrective lenses like glasses and contacts, and some people don’t need them!
And for the people that do but can’t afford it, they can just squint really hard. Works for me! I'm looking at the camera?
I'm not? Okay. But I'm in the right area?
*WHAT'S A PREMIUM? * Ooh! A fancy word!
Except it actually just means the fee you pay to your provider, usually monthly, in order to keep up your health insurance. It’s essentially the same thing as a subscription fee to Netflix, except in this case, you lose your health insurance if you stop paying it. As opposed to losing the ability to rewatch the 2015 Richie Rich reboot.
And both of those things are equally tragic. But the good news is that if you pay your premium every month, you’ve got your health insurance. And once you’ve got health insurance, you are set.
You never have to worry about paying for healthcare ever again. *fading in* HahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHA THAT’S NOT THE CASE! *WHAT'S A DEDUCTIBLE?
* So you pay your premium every month! That’s great. It allows you to carry around a little card that says you’re insured and you can go to doctor and they'll give you the bill and you have to pay all of it until you’ve filled up your deductible.
For the sake of this example, let’s say that your health insurance doesn’t have copays or coinsurance, just because I’m getting to that, and the circular nature of health insurance terminology makes it very difficult to decide which to talk about first. Let’s say your deductible is $100. If you go to get a medical test that costs $100 dollars, you will have to pay $100 dollars.
But after that, you’ve fully paid up your deductible, and that means the next time you go get a $100 medical test, your insurance will pay for it. *Applause* Or part of it, because there’s also copays and coinsurance, but again, I’m getting there. Your deductible resets with your plan, and most plans work on the calendar year, meaning your deductible would reset on January 1st, but if your plan is through your work and renews in the middle of the year, it might be a different date.
(YOU SHOULD DOUBLE CHECK). Your premium and your deductible are often inversely related. So if you pay very little in premium, your deductible will be way higher.
But if you pay a lot every month, your deductible will be small. And this brings me to my favorite part of health insurance which is: *Game show audience* GAMBLE ON YOUR HEALTH! *cheering* Hahahaha, hello, welcome back everyone, welcome back!
We’ve got ourselves a young, healthy man here looking to get himself some health insurance! So let me ask you something, Mr Gilbert: Do you think you’re gonna break your leg this year? Uh, no, I wasn't planning on it.
*audience laughs* Oh it sounds like YOU'RE gonna go with a LOW PREMIUM, HIGH DEDUCTIBLE plan that will SAVE YOU MONEY! *audience cheers* Okay, yeah! I don't know what that means, but I’m excited!
Okay—oHJEEZ OH! AUGH! Oh, no!
It looks like we should have fixed those steps a little earlier today because you broke your leg anyway. Seems like you’ll be paying that high deductible at high speed Hahahaha! *audience cheering and laughing* *laughter becomes frantic* There are some health insurance plans that are literally called Catastrophic Health Plans for this very reason.
You usually have to be under 30 in order to get one, and although you pay very little in your monthly premium, the plan doesn't cover anything outside of 3 primary care visits a year. So sure, you save a lot of money on that monthly premium, but you better hope you don’t get in an accident, or else IT’S GONNA BE A CATASTROPHE. For real, though, it is better than nothing.
This health plan might not get you a lot of preventive care, but it could kick in during a catastrophic accident and keep you from going bankrupt. Or you might go—you might go a little bankrupt, but you won’t— you won't go, like, Super Saiyan Bankrupt. But on the other hand, you can also get “no deductible” health insurance, which has WAY higher premiums, but it allows you to skip ahead to the good part of health insurance, where you get to pay: *WHAT ARE COPAYS AND COINSURANCE?
* Oh is it happening now? I thought I was on break. You guys gotta give me more of a heads up.
Congratulations! You've finally paid your deductible for this year! Or maybe not congrats, 'cause it probably means you had a lot of unexpected health issues this year.
So, um. . .
What a shame! But hey, at least that means you're done paying for healthcare this year, right? *fading in* hoohohohohooohooHOOHOO NO YOU'RE NOT!
Copayments, or copays, are a set amount of money that you have to pay whenever you receive certain medical procedures, prescription meds, tests, etcetera. That test that cost you $100? It might have a $30 copay on it.
So if you have no deductible or you've filled up your deductible, you’ll still have to pay that $30. And just to clarify, you can and probably will pay copays and coinsurance before you fill up your deductible. Say you’re getting a standard annual check up.
That might have a $10 copay associated with it. So even if you haven’t filled your deductible, you would just be paying $10. So that’s kinda nice.
And coinsurance? More like COIN- SURE -AINT's gonna be in your pocket anymore because you’re gonna be paying with it-I thought that was gonna be cleaner. Coinsurance is just another way of splitting the cost with your insurer, and it’s better for you if the percentage is lower.
If a $100 test with a 20% coinsurance means you'll be paying $20 dollars. Occasionally, you’ll see some things listed as “100% coinsurance” which is a DIRTY TRICK. That means you’ll be paying 100% of the costs.
That’s not coinsurance, that’s no-insurance. *floating head* But hey, how come I still have to pay things after I've finished my deductible? And if I pay copays before my deductible is filled, does that count toward my deductible?
And whatever happened to my body? SHUT IT! *floating head screams* *chill synth music* WHoaAAHHAohOAHhoAHAAAAAAAAA– Copays do not count toward your deductible.
But both your copay and your deductible count toward something else called your Out-of-Pocket Maximum, which is the maximum amount you would ever have to pay for health coverage during the year. Kind of. Because if you go to an out-of-network provider, that payment won’t count toward your out-of-pocket maximum.
So let’s say you have an $100 monthly premium, you paid $100 for an in-network test that doesn't have a copay, you paid $50 for a copay and coinsurance for an in-network procedure, and you paid $1000 to an out-of-network doctor for a big ol' smooch! MWAH! In most insurance plans, the in-network test would count towards both, the copay and coinsurance would only count toward your out-of-pocket max, and the premium and the out-of-network smooch would count towards neither.
But it was worth it! MWAH MWAH MWAH! I'm broke now!
Back to copays, every test or procedure will have a different copay or coinsurance associated with it, so it's definitely a good idea to pay attention to this if you know that you're going to need regular doctor’s visits for certain illnesses or prescription medications, which brings me to: *WHAT ARE DRUG TIERS? * Yeah, I mean like ever since dinkeySMUG used it in regionals, penicillin kinda got nerfed, so I'm gonna put that down in Tier 1. But, we got Levofloxacin next?
Ohoho okay that goes in the SPECIAL TIER! Prescription drugs are separated into tiers that correspond with their costs, though it differs from plan to plan. Usually, it goes generic drugs on Tier 1.
Brand-name drugs on Tier 2. Fancier or non-preferred brand-name drugs on Tier 3. And once you hit Tier 4, you get specialty drugs, which are often very expensive and specific in what they treat, and they all have brand names like ZYVOX and TRUXIMA and OZURDEX, which are coincidentally the names of my three favorite sleep paralysis demons.
*snore* Oh! Hey guys! HeLLoBRiaN.
*Screeching* The thing is, some insurances have 5 tiers, and some have 4, and some have 4 but skip the 3rd? If you want to figure out if a certain drug is a certain tier, you’re gonna need to check with your provider’s Drg Formulary, which is a list of every single drug covered by your plan. When you go looking for this, you will most likely find a webpage that has dozens of links for each specific insurance plan that will bring you to PDFs that are 100 pages long and have different strengths for different tiers.
But it’s still very helpful because you might get prescribed Clarithromycin for your pneumonia, and this PDF will tell you that it’s definitely a Tier 2 drug. Or maybe a Tier 3? Oh shit, it might be 4.
Again, these drug formularies vary WILDLY between providers, so if you know that you need a specific prescription drug, it’s probably a good idea to check these before signing up for a plan. But hey! If you mess up, don’t worry, because you can always change your plan at any time.
So long as you undergo an extremely large and potentially traumatic life change. *What's Open Enrollment? * *hyeuup!
* Open Enrollment is technically the only time of the year that everyone is allowed to change their health insurance. It usually starts on November first and goes until January 15th, though, of course, it varies from state to state. They chose this time of the year because no one tends to be busy prepping for any large family gatherings or holidays.
*singing* It’s the most wonderful time to look at the minutiae of health insurance contracts and compare them to different providers because you want to make sure that you get the best one before you—'cause you're gonna be locked into it for a year or so- If you miss that open enrollment window, you’re stuck with whatever health insurance you currently have for the rest of the year. Except I managed to swap my health insurance in the middle of the year. Is that because I’m special and extremely handsome?
No. Though I am both of those things. I had a Qualifying Life Event, or QLE, which is that my COBRA insurance ran out.
Okay, hey, little side bar, COBRA stands for the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act, but all you need to know is that it allows you to continue your work-sponsored health insurance for up to a year and a half in the event that you leave or lose your job. And it's got a super cool name, but it’s hella expensive, and I’m a big dumdummy for continuing mine for the full year and a half and you can all dunk on me now. - HEY look at THIS jabroni, uh, keeping his COBRA health insurance for a year and a half—is— coulda done cheaper someth—that's all I can think of.
There are all kinds of QLEs, like losing a job, having a family member die, or leaving prison. All things that drastically change your needs for health insurance. The thing is, QLEs, by definition, are HUGE LIFE EVENTS that are probably gonna be taking up a lot of your mental space.
It might be hard to do new research on a different health plan when you’re busy, I don’t know, HAVING A BABY. The bonus challenge of QLEs is that they’re a little like quicktime events, in that you need to act quickly in order to actually change your health insurance. QLE START!
*intense music* *music quiets as time slows down* *ding ding* *music gets louder* HEALTH INSURANCE ACQUIRED! *sigh* *zoom* Was that a BABY? This is called a Special Enrollment Period, and it's usually 60 days before or after the QLE, depending on what it is.
I knew my COBRA was running out, so I had 60 days before. But if it's a family member dying, it'll be 60 days after because if you start looking for new health insurance before. .
. That’s HELLA suspicious. But it’s also important to use these QLEs when you have them, especially for things like moving to a new zip code, which might not seem like that big of a deal, but it is, because of: *WHAT'S IN-NETWORK VS.
OUT-OF-NETWORK? * Most insurances have a list of providers that are considered “in-network,” which just means that they work with the insurance company, and the procedures you get with them will be covered. At least in part.
Anyone who isn’t in-network is, surprise, out-of-network, and doesn't get coverage. Now, if this seems simple, that's because it is one of the easiest things to grasp about health insurance. Or it was, until I learned about MULTI-TIER NETWORKS.
This splits your in-network providers into different tiers with different copays and coinsurances. Technically, they are all still in-network but now some are “preferred,” and others aren't, which makes this diagram a little bit more blurry. Apparently, these plans are becoming more popular, because of course the one clear thing about health insurance needed to be worse!
The problem is that you have to be proactive in making sure that your doctors are in-network, and sometimes moving to a new place will mean your insurance doesn’t have anyone in-network around you. This can be especially troublesome in emergency situations, where your first thought is rarely, “I hope that they're bringing me to an in-network provider,” because usually you’re thinking, “OH MY GOD I’M ON FIRE. ” According to a 2021 analysis, half of all emergency ambulance rides are out-of-network, meaning that even if you have an HMO plan, you’ll be paying for all of that ambulance fee, and NONE of it will count toward your out-of-pocket maximum.
-Hey! Hey! What's an HMO?
- Shhh! And even if that ambulance ride is in-network and brings you to an in-network hospital, that hospital might have some out-of-network doctors, like anesthesiologists. Or sometimes an ER doctor is a contractor and is out-of-network.
And again, it’s on you to make sure that you’re being treated by someone okayed by your insurance, which can be difficult if you’re in shock, or unconscious, or bleeding profusely. But that’s why a lot of people on HMO plans will wake up to a bright new day and a big ol’ bill. - Hey what is that?
Hey can you—hey, what is an HMO plan? - I am getting there, okay? Hold your horses!
I have to explain the basics before I get to the weird acronyms. Alright? Be patient.
Jeez. Lost my place. I'm gonna explain HMOs now.
*What are HMO, PPO, EPO, and POS plans? * So you’ve got a basic understanding of the things that make up a health insurance plan, and you’re ready to dive into the dark depths of acronym hell. These are all different types of health insurance policies, and they stand for Health Maintenance Organization, Preferred Provider Organization, Exclusive Provider Organization, and Point of Service.
That should help clear it up! *sitcom end theme, audience laughing* Let’s start with an HMO plan, because that’s the one that I have. It’s the most common individual marketplace plan.
And its benefits are that you have a slightly lower premium, but the negatives are that you have to stay in-network, and that group of in-network providers might be pretty small. Also, if you need to go to a specialist, you have to be referred by your primary care physician, so if I gotta go to a special doctor for my special illness, I first have to go through my boring doctor. You don’t have to say it like that.
A PPO is much more common for employer-based health insurance, meaning that your job will help pay for it as one of the benefits. As such, the premiums tend to be higher, but you get a lot more flexibility. The network of providers is usually bigger, AND you can go out-of-network, although it’ll still be more expensive.
But hey! You don’t need any referrals to go see a specialist. - But I would refer you if you asked me.
An EPO is pretty similar to an HMO in that you have a small network of providers and you can’t go out of network, BUT you don’t need to have your own primary care physician to refer you to specialists. So this one is mostly good if you hate your boring doctor. *stunned silence* And a POS is kind of a combo of a PPO and an HMO.
You need to have a primary care physician, but you can go out-of-network if your primary care physician refers you to them. - What, no joke about me this time? - Nope.
- Just makes me feel bad in a different way. These acronyms might seem to blend together in certain ways, and they definitely do. But don’t worry!
I have a totally different set of acronyms to help add to the confusion! *WHAT DO HSA, MSA, FSA, AND MRA MEAN? * Ho boy!
Let’s split these acronyms up so that way you can tell if you even need to worry about them in the first place. A Health Savings Account and a Medical Savings Account are only available to you if you have an HDHP, which is a High Deductible Health Plan. And a Flexible Spending Account and Health Reimbursement Arrangement is only available to you via an employer.
So if you don’t have an HDHP, you don’t gotta worry about these two, and if you don’t have a job that has health benefits, you don’t need to worry about these two. And if you have neither of those things, you’re just like me! Which isn’t necessarily a good thing, but— IT’S TOO LATE NOW.
WE HAVE ALREADY BECOME ONE. I’m gonna be real with you—this is the part of the video I feel the least comfortable talking about because it combines the two titans of American bureaucracy: Healthcare and Taxes. And the main reason you would want one of these acronyms is for tax benefits, but it varies based on your employer or the bank that you’re getting the account from, and I am so worried that I'm gonna screw it up and get put on an IRS watchlist.
Which is the worst list to be on. *doorknob shakes* *tense music* So I’ll just give you a quick rundown while also reminding you to do your own research before signing up for any of these accounts. An HSA is a savings account.
. . for your health.
And so that means you can contribute a certain amount of tax-deductible money to it each year, and then you can use that money for any qualifying medical expenses. This money rolls over year after year. FSAs allow you to contribute a certain amount of tax-free money, which you can then use for medical expenses that year.
BUT it's only that year. Unlike an HSA, this money does not roll over, and if you leave your employer, you can’t take it with you. BUT if you have a nice employer, they can sometimes offer you grace periods of up to 2 and a half months to keep using that money, or they can let you roll over some of it into the next year.
But they can only choose one of these two options. But let’s say you have $1000 of unused FSA money at the end of the year and no medical procedures to use them on—you can actually use some of that money on over-the-counter FSA eligible items, like laxatives, you just have to keep the receipts and make sure they’re approved. Weirdly, the best place I’ve found to get information on this is not a government website, but this CVS webpage, because they want your money.
But hey, it’s good to know in case you need to quickly drop $500 on stool softener. We’ve all been there. Don’t ask questions.
An HRA allows your employer to reimburse you for some of medical bills, and those reimbursements are tax free. And an MSA is similar to an HSA, except with an MSA, you are allowed to never pay taxes again. *DOOR SLAM OPEN* IRS!
YOU SCREWED UP BUCKO! - I’M SORRY! Okay but an MSA really is similar to an HSA.
It's just that I don’t think most of you viewers are even gonna have the opportunity to get one of these, because not only do need an HDHP, but you also have to be in Medicare. I haven’t explained what Medicare is. *WHAT ARE MEDICARE AND MEDICAID?
* These two words mean VERY different things. But they’re both government funded programs related to healthcare, so a lot of people, myself included, will use one word when they mean the other. Heck, if you Google either of them, the top result is gonna be Medicaid vs.
Medicare, the lesser known sequel to Alien vs. Predator. One of the main differences between the two is your eligibility.
For Medicaid eligibility is based on your Modified Adjusted Gross Income, or Maggie. Magi? Let's go with Maggie.
This means it’s predominantly for low income individuals and families. It's a federal program, but it’s administered by each state, which means that each state will have its own rules and benefits. There are some mandatory benefits, but the optional ones tend to be on the chopping block if you live in a state that doesn’t really care about public spending.
Medicare is purely federal, and it's predominantly for people over the age of 65. The thing is, there are four parts of Medicare. Part A is the kind where you don’t have to pay a monthly premium, and it’ll help with services like inpatient stuff and hospice care.
And that’s wonderful, but most people aren’t checking into hospice care because they have a minor cold. *achoo* Ohp, that’s it for me folks! Let's wrap it up.
Put me in the ground! *eeeghhhh* Medicare Part B is what most people would think of as just health insurance, because that’s essentially what it is. You have to pay a monthly premium, and you can go to a doctor for preventive stuff.
Part D is for prescription drugs. And then Part C, I've had to pull out of order 'cause it's kinda weird and it's sometimes called a “Medicare Advantage Plan. ” Part C is just private health insurance.
It just happens to be approved and slightly subsidized by Medicare. If this all seems a little confusing, don’t worry, you can always clear things up by checking the official Medicare. gov website.
Like here, on the “What Medicare Covers” webpage, which, at the time of this video’s publish, starts with the question, “Is my test, item, or service covered? ” and answers it with the very helpful SUMMARY MISSING. Okay, to be fair, in the month it has taken me to edit this video, they have changed the Medicare.
gov webpage. Now, instead of saying "Summary Missing," it says nothing after the link. You're just supposed to click the link.
Which is the more clear thing to do, and I'm sure it is fine. Because if there is one thing I know about people over the age of 65, it's that they've never been confused by the internet. This issue with vague government websites can also be found with Medicaid!
Since Medicaid is administered by each state, you might want to check your eligibility for say, Nebraska, by going to their website, where it'll tell you you MIGHT be eligible if you are over 65, under 18, or an adult from 19-64. Hey Nebraska? THAT'S EVERYONE!
This might be one reason why the Biden administration recently set up $49 million in grants. Not for healthcare, but just to increase education about who is eligible for Medicaid. Currently, there are millions of children who are uninsured in America, but COULD BE insured through Medicaid or the Children’s Health Insurance Program, but the families just don’t know that they’re eligible.
I WONDER WHY. *WHAT'S OBFUSCATION? * Obfuscation is a bit of a self-referential word, because it’s obfuscating a much more straightforward way to describe this phenomenon, which is called: being a little shit.
When you obfuscate something, it means you are intentionally making it unclear, whether that’s through jargon or flowery speech or just mumblingthroughyourwordssoit'shard forpeopletounderstandwhatyou'resaying. Although this term isn’t exclusive to health insurance, I still feel like it’s a good final one for this video, because almost every single thing about health insurance has been obfuscated to make it nearly impossible to get a straight answer. It makes you feel helpless, and after the past few months of researching and writing this video, I’m beginning to think it might be designed that way.
Ohh, you’re just a little baby? Are you just a little baby, you can’t even figure out how to get your own health insurance? You little baby?
BUY MY HMO PLAN. *baby crying* Health insurance companies benefit by making you confused. Whether that’s buying a new plan that looks cheap but might cost a ton out of pocket.
Or when your insurance company says, “We don’t actually cover that! ” And you have to decide whether it’s worth it to spend hours on the phone arguing with someone about it. Or when you realize that this new doctor that you need might not be covered by your current plan, but, uh oh!
You missed Open Enrollment, so you’re stuck with it! And it’s not just the insurance companies—some providers might not be as scrupulous as you’d like, and will take advantage of your confusion to upcharge you on every minor thing. So as a word of advice, ALWAYS ask for an itemized receipt of procedures and costs if you go to a hospital.
It might make the costs go down, because they don’t want to admit in writing that they charged you 200 bucks for a smooch on the boo boo. Why do I always default to kissing? *SO.
. . WHAT NOW?
* I really wish I had a good way to wrap up this video up with, like, a cool, quick tip on how to get the good health insurance and avoid the bad and also to dismantle the whole private health insurance system, but I don’t because there isn’t. And I sincerely doubt that there will be anytime soon. If you take a look at lobbying money, health insurance is always one of the top spenders.
Blue Cross/Blue Shield, a conglomerate that is responsible for insuring nearly one third of all Americans, consistently spends about 25 million on lobbying a year. And though I can’t say for certain what that money gets used for, I can promise you it hasn’t made this insurance system any easier to grasp. So much of health insurance—something that is designed to help you navigate the medical system—leaves you entirely on your own.
And that's why I think it’s important to have even a little grasp on what these terms mean. And although this video is a predominantly useless, I hope that I've at least made these terms feel a little less overwhelming to you. And if I've accidentally made them feel more overwhelming, just know that there are so so many more terms and there is so much more detail and explanations and caveats and this is just the tip of the iceber— For real though, it’s normal to be overwhelmed.
The system sucks. And as much as I’d like to be able to talk to someone about this overwhelmed feeling I have, um, my therapist of the past four years actually isn’t covered by my new health insurance so. .
. Oopsie daisy! I made this video instead.
But hey, we’re working through it together, and there are plenty of healthcare reform advocacy groups that you can join or support if you, like me, would prefer our system to work a little better for the people it’s supposed to help. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a shiny new HMO plan, and I haven't had an annual check up since 2014, so I'm gonna go make the most of it! *Brian out of breath from running too hard* *nostalgic, uplifting music* *chill synth music* So are you, like, new around here, or.
. . ?
You're a baby, right? Do you—does that mean you know the Benjamin Button baby? Ohp, we've almost matched!
We've almost matched pace! Ah, you're a little faster than me. Okay, wait a secooooond.
. . OHP WE'RE MATCHING PACE!
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT BABY! Do you know the Boss Baby? Is that.
. . 'Cause he's like old, but he's young.
*laughing* It's so funny though. I used to think space was cool. I did.
But then it got—'cause I got older and then I was like, "Mm I don't want to be in space. " But now I'm in space, and actually it is kinda nice. You're cool, I mean, I like you, so.
The housing market is better out here. *laughing* You know? 'Cause the housing market is really bad.
. . I dunno, you might—you probably don't know that 'cause you're a baby.
Unless you ARE the Benjamin Button baby. Because then you would—'cause you would have lived a whole life by then. So you would know it.
You would know everything. You're my first Benjamin Button baby I've ever met. ARE YOU BRAD PITT?
