(Hail to the Chief by James Sanderson) - Good evening my fellow Americans. Now, before I begin, I just want to say that I know a lot of people out there seem to think that I don't get angry. That's just not true.
I get angry a lot. It's just the way I express passion is different from most. So, just so there's no more confusion, we've hired Luther here to be my anger translator.
Luther. - Hi. - First off, concerning the recent developments in the Middle Eastern region, I just want to reiterate our unflinching support for all people and their right to a democratic process.
- Hey, all y'all dictators out there, keep messing around and see what happens. Just see what happens. Watch.
- Also, to the goverments of Iran and North Korea, we once again urge you to discontinue your uranium enrichment programs. - Hey, Machmud, Kim Jong, I think I already done told both y'all 86 your shit, bitches. Or I'm going to come over there and do it for y'all!
Please test me and see what happens. - On the domestic front, I just want to say to my critics, I hear your voices and I'm aware of your concerns. - So maybe if you could chill the hell out for like a second, then maybe I could focus on some shit, you know?
- That goes for everybody. Including members of the Tea Party. - Oh don't even get me started on these motherfuckers right here.
- I want to assure you that we will be looking for new compromises with the GOP in the months ahead. - And you know these motherfuckers are going to say no before I even suggest some shit. - I know a lot of folks say that I haven't done a good job at communicating my accomplishments to the public.
- Because y'all motherfuckers don't listen! - Since being in office, we've created three million new jobs. - Three million new jobs!
- We ended the war in Iraq. - Ended the war, y'all. We ended a war.
Remember that? - These achievements should serve as a reminder that I am on your side. - I am not a Muslim.
- And that my intentions as your president are coming from the right place. - They coming from Hawaii which is where I'm from which is in the United States of America, y'all. Okay?
This is ridiculous. I have a birth certificate. I have a birth certificate.
I have a hot diggity daggety mama-say mama-sa birth certificate you dumb ass crackers! - Okay, Luther, rope it in. - Dial it back, Luther, damn.
- In conclusion, last night I had a conversation with Michelle. - I says, "Bitch. " - Nope, I did not say that.
I did not say that. - I did not say that.
