Welcome everybody to the late show. I'm your host Steven Colbear. [cheering] Ladies and gentlemen, thank you.
You know, uh there are so many big stories dominating the national conversation right now, but we're going to start off tonight with what I know is the number one reason you all watch the show, and that is to hear me talk about sports. [laughter] This Sunday is the biggest day in men's football, Super Bowl 60. Yes, the Super Bowl is 60.
Which explains why the game is sponsored by Day of the Week Pillbox. You know their slogan, one of these better be for depression. [laughter] And the halftime show for this year's Super Bowl will be a friend of the show or amigo Adel Shotarde Bad Bunny who sings almost exclusively in [cheering] Spanish and [applause] not only that is expected to perform in Spanish.
Now, I've been practicing Spanish on my Duallingingo, so I'll understand all his lyrics as long as the lyrics are the bear and the mouse need an apartment. Elso, [laughter] that's all I got. The right-wing media has had their panties in a bunch over the Bad Bunny booking for months because Mr Bunny excluded the continental US from his most recent tour out of fear that ICE could potentially raid the venues.
And then on Sunday night, he blasted ice while accepting an award at the Grammys. Hey, he's just looking out for his fans, y'all. Also, [cheering] that's what you want to do.
That's all you want to do. Also, Latino artists have always been political. Who can forget that famous Gloria Stefan song?
>> The [laughter] fantastic. How did he lose? How did he lose?
The New York Times even asked some NFL players what they thought about the decision, and one player said, "I always think it should be an American. I think they're trying too hard with this international stuff. " I agree.
I agree. And I bet Bad Bunny agrees, too, cuz he's an American. [cheering] [screaming] He [applause] He is from Puerto Rico, which is part of the United States.
Hey, [cheering] hey, hey, hey, bito. Anyone who thinks it's unamerican to have an American perform at the Super Bowl is dumb, right? [laughter] >> [laughter] >> H see [cheering] also see also I just want to point out that in the past they've had many artists who are not American like Canadian Shaniah Twain the UK's Rolling Stones or Paul McCartney as well as Big Bad Voodoo Daddy who of course hails from the country called the late 90s a lawless place where squirrel nut zippers and spin doctors roam the and smashing pumpkins with their flaming lips.
And many of them did not speak English. People are still trying to decipher what language Eddie Veter is singing. Squeegee look the hero.
[cheering] Can you hear me? [applause] Kind of sounds like a bag pipe. [laughter] Hear me [ __ ] please.
It he [cheering] [applause] love you, Eddie Veter. The Times also asked players if they could pick any artist who would be their top choice to play the halftime show. And one player said Florence in the Machine.
But I don't know if everybody would rock with that. [laughter] You speak your truth, anonymous burly man. I don't know who this fell is, but give him a bigger, thicker helmet because we have to protect him and his love of witchy power ballads that are perfect for water births, you know, football.
[laughter] If you'd rather not watch a bad bunny, uh there's going to be a competing halftime show featuring a terrible bunny because in protest, a conservative group is staging an alternative halftime show starring Kid Rock. According to the press release, the show is called the All American Halftime Show in a font that is called T-shirt on a Quiet Angry Dad at Disney World. As you may have noticed from the poster there, kids not rocking this one alone.
He'll be joined by country singers Brantley Gilbert, Gabby Barrett, and Lee Bryce. Powerhouse lineup. Also appearing are Gary Lee Grant, Gilby Brantlet, Dilly Barrett, Tandy Breitbart, Billy Gidley, and Baby Bilbo.
Now [cheering] exciting. I'm tuning in. I'm tuning in.
I'm flipping the wings. I'm tuning in. >> I don't want to disappoint anybody, but we've just learned that Billy Gidley cannot make it [laughter] due to health reasons.
But in tribute, Trilly Gillson and Brandy de Gamble will be performing a Billy Giddy medley. [laughter and cheering] Now, if you want to attend this alternate halftime show, you can't because it is unclear what venue will host, which I believe is fitting because Kid Rock is often unclear what venue he's in. [cheering] But they have announced the event will be available to stream on the actual real platforms TBN, DW Plus, Charge, and Rumble.
Also, they're negotiating to stream on Crunch, Crumble, Hunkle, Krampus, and Paramount Plus. His new contributors, Billy [cheering] Gidley, is [applause] going to be a contributor on CBS News. Now, that's a scoop.
That's an idea scoop. But wait, there's more sport. This time, international.
Because Friday marks the start of the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympics. There's lots to look forward to. Specifically, Milo and Tina, the first openly Gen Z Olympic mascots.
[laughter] [laughter] How brave. Before now, it was hard for mascots to tell their parents they were born between 1997 and 2012. But of course, when you think of Gen Z Olympians, you think of a pair of scarfwearing stoes or short-haired weasels, seen here, uh, apparently fleeing an alpine crime scene with three baby grandmas.
[laughter] Baby grandmas, of course, is streaming after the all-American halftime show on Hungle. Baby grandmas, are they babies? Are they grandmas?
Either way, they're wearing diapers. Hunkle. Hunkle with ads.
[applause and cheering] Now, say ads [applause] with ads. According to the mascot experts, Tina is a creative, downto-earth type, while Milo loves to play practical jokes and invent musical instruments in his spare time. Neat.
I think I speak for everyone when I say Milo must be killed. >> [laughter] >> Sorry. >> Practical jokes and inventing music.
No. No. >> Fun fact, Milo and Tina were selected after Italy's Ministry of Education invited primary and secondary school students to submit ideas for mascots.
That's cute. Also explains the runners up. Spaghetti and My Balls, Senor Bisto.
And the most popular streaming movie in Italy, K Paparoni De Mozzarella Hunteros. Okay, that was hard. [applause] K Mozzarelli.
>> K Paparoni. >> K Paparoni mozzarella de Marinos. Okay, we've waited long enough and I think it's time to sink our teeth into what I believe is the most important news story in America.
a Chicago snowplow naming contest where finalists include Abolish Ice, Kevin McClowister, and Steven Cold Bear. [cheering] [applause] [cheering] Thank you. [applause] Of course, as a guy who lived in Chicago for over a decade, I was very excited when I heard about this.
It's an honor just to be nominated for a name on snowplow. [laughter] I was less excited, however, to learn that. On the list of finalists, I'm currently number 22.
This is an outrage. Look, I don't mind being lower than some of the good plow names on the list like Buckingham Plown, Caleb Chills, and Chance the Scraper. But I'm currently nine spots below.
Live, laugh, plow. Live, laugh, plow. Come on, Chicago.
That's not even a pun. It's the name of a throw pillow themed porno. And I'm not going to take this lying down, even though I love lying down.
The list of snowplow names is a sham. It is a travesty. And I'm being told, uh, the list is purely alphabetical.
And my little my little tantrum was unjustified, though. It did get us closer to the commercial break. My apologies.
I'm so sorry. I'm [applause and cheering] Hey, guys. I'm sorry.
You shouldn't have to watch. I'm so sorry. My apologies to specifically Chicago.
I want to win this. Okay. I still want to win this.
So, listen up. City residents may view the list of finalists and vote for up to six names at chicagovels. org by Saturday, February 14th.
Perfect activity for you and your lover. On Valentine's Day, you vote for me, then live, laugh, plow. [cheering] By the way, live, laugh, plow.
[cheering] It might have to be live, laugh, plow. [applause] Oh, by the way, uh Chicago. org.
Also one of the sites where you can catch the Kid Rock Halftime show. We got a great show for you tonight. [music] My guests are Buffalo and Father James Martin.
