oh God what come here please tell me before I come there I want need to rub butter on my foot no P please I have country Croc no Ryan Ryan ran what is that people please I told you to get rid of the cell phones it's my bio feedback machine oh okay what is that like a video game it alerts me when my stress level goes up so I can try to calm down you have stress yes during our relaxation exercise let me get you some water no no I'll help you up I'll help you
up here we go Michael would you step back please okay please little further okay that is better I think that thing is on the fritz [Applause] this morning the phone guy comes in and he shows Michael that our phones have a PA function and then he just left don't be flenderson to the principal's office your mother calls and it appears that you wet the bed again so you have to get home to wash your sheets because they're yellow and they're wet with your urine you and that's 6'6 from the University of North Carolina Jim Halper
that's pretty funny hey you know what did I drop my uh what the heck is that uh you find it I didn't oh look somewhere else all right all right like PR with that around who's your emergency contact Stacy pick up hello this is Mike Tyson have a call from Eddie Murphy hello Shrek Shrek I'm a donkey I'm a donkey Shrek I'm just kidding it's me hello Ry what okay calm down have a small problem I told you not to to call about small problems yeah well when I call about big problems you don't like
that either so make up your mind kiddo Pam line three okay thanks New York as it turns out is very expensive and I ran out of money I thought about selling a kidney but Michael offered to get me a part-time job at corporate hey hey of course now Michael knows where to reach me 16 to 18 hours a week hey Michael [Music] he miss you kiddo miss you so much yes is Mr Hutson there yeah who is this I'm just calling because you responded positively to Michael Stanley why are you calling me here at home
Senor are you happy with your longent call here home have you have you considered satellite television Michael I know that's you I know your voice why are you calling me here at home when I'm at home at night in my own house in my sweats drinking some red wine watching my mystery stories the last thing in the whole godforsaken world I want to hear is the voice of Michael Scott y you want me to come in your office oh what if Pam was a lesbian what if she brought her partner into work would that be
crossing the line no what if they made out in front of everybody well that would be at home and I told everybody everything about it okay I'm lost okay well then let's act it out Pam you will be girl a and girl B will be okay use the doll pam pam I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today excuse me one second please what is it that you need right now that can't wait until I'm off the phone with a customer ooh a customer well Sound the Alarm okay and for you tell me
Dana how is your chicken breast oh it's great it's served with our world famous wing sauce M sounds yummy I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken oh is that what you really want no I'm going to have the gourmet hot dog great so I need a little treat for the gang something to win their affections back back why is that Michael well I ran down Meredith in my car oh did you do this on purpose no I was being negligent but she's in the hospital she's fine recovering nicely tiny little crack in her
pelvis but she will be up did this happen on company property yes it was on company property with company property so Double Jeopardy we are fine I don't I don't think you understand how Jeopardy works oh right I'm sorry what is we're fine I haven't done anything since Christmas Pam clearly has just given up trying Hey Stanley is that jacket made of up dog I'm on the phone and we okay so for the 1.5% increase Pro everyone gets a little bit con you look like a nerd con no one gets as much as they did
last year Pro you get to share your pros and cons list with the other NDS Pro no favoritism con you unzip your pants and you find that there's a calculator out there he leaves work he's on his way home Wham his Kappa is detated from his head you have just spit on my face well you know what there's something wrong with you let's have an auction let's do this we'll auction off people like in the olden days congratulations I'll take that down right now was it a spoiled little girl with big lips or an odd
little boy with a cowboy Obsession hold on one sec invite them on the tour hold on one sec it's actually blue crra from Pennsylvania really y it's kind of big clim we need another one immediately yeah the booth is lame without it you brought the one are you mental Michael do you remember you specifically told me to only bring one sheet of paper you said it only takes one sheet to make a difference and I said are you sure Michael and you said pam pam pam and then you sneezed my tea and then you said
don't worry it's just allergies do you remember that I don't okay I'll go look for another one this is pardon me oh big of the devil we were just talking about you have a seat okay Jim here is uh thinking about taking himself out of the running for being manager y really oh that is so sweet of you I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability although I'm sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles I'm not disabled and neither are you okay what is this look like to you Stanley Mail
Boxes Etc shut okay hey Ryan this is Michael Jackson calling from Wonderland you mean Neverland this is Tito what call from Michael yeah stop texting I'm texting about you okay God this guy's annoying I write who's this and then he writes who's this and then I write shut up and then he writes shut up Jesus Michael you're texting yourself and then you look up to PowerPoint and we are in we are going to register you hit register updates are ready I should update um estimated time 12 minutes so this should take about 5 or 10
minutes this is the first time you've opened PowerPoint why you didn't prepare a presentation at all did you you know what I had a really rough night and my boss can back me up on that I'm your boss my other boss Mr Figo you have another job I think we need to go don't touch we need to double dimple your hi Jim come on here we go I want you to look good I can't turn around no come on there we go I don't want them thinking that you're some sort of country pumpkin it's monster.com
singular thank you come on Ryan Ryan I want to see you with a hot dog in your mouth right now come on let's do this all right everybody oh my God Pam those make you look so ugly um Pam in order to get hotter you take glasses off you're moving in the wrong direction I don't have my cont B bony I can't even hear you it's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist um impr prison you are somebody's oh and you you my friend would be the bell of the ball don't drop the soap
don't drop the soap Michael please look at you you are so mature and old and little man now you're like our little man little old man boy Michael everybody beard bearded man boy let me say something I know I used to be a temper but now everything is different I'd like your respect I am your boss now you're going to have to treat me the same way you treated Jan oh wow so that's a little kinky I don't swing that way okay I ran is a gay crush on enough okay this is inappropriate and it
stops right now nope actually this year uh no group tab we're going to be doing Separate Checks you you said we could bring our families I did and why didn't you Stanley I did my wife's name is Terry well I'm looking forward to meeting Terry it's this person whose hand I'm holding Michael oh yeah shut it um good speaking of relationships of all all way shapes and forms number eight learn how to take off a woman's bra what we will demonstrate on Pam no and no come on you just twist your hand until something breaks
well you get the picture thanks Pam well it has been nice seeing you again my friend you too oh Ryan I need a girlfriend so bad Michael let me go let me go Michael all right hey Ryan can I get you a pencil from the warehouse uh no thanks I'm good that's okay I'm going down um oh yeah absolutely all right I'll be right [Laughter] back woo there you go awesome thank you you're welcome Michael could you get me a pen from down in the warehouse don't mind if I do see you in a minute
okay wo there you go fresh from the warehouse I'm really sorry but I have to let you go and it's purely budgetary it's not personal I'm going to kill myself wow I'm going to kill myself and it's your fault that's an over reaction parkour parkour parkour extreme parkour parkour this is parkour internet sensation of 2004 and it was in one on the Bond films it's pretty impressive the goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible so technically they are doing parkour as long as point a is delusion and point
B is the hospital parkour hey little girl what would you like for Christmas ooh you have been a very naughty girl I see yes Michael Terry Hudson returning your call you called Stanley's wife oh oh yeah a long time ago just to make sure she was out of town oh God don't take it no I have to take it or it'll seem suspicious if you talk to her you're going to tell her about Stanley and that's going to seem more suspicious no no no I can do this you can't do this yes I can I
am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo and I need her help we will haggle about money and I will back down and then I won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing is blown over sounds terrible we think you should hey what up Cynthia just hang on a second Cynthia well it turns out that Terry was already suspicious because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago so Stanley promised that he would stop and he did end of story well not exactly uh Cynthia kept calling him she
would not stop calling him and she was in love with them oh and get this Cynthia also married so do you want me to stop dating your mom is that how we're going to get past this cuz I will yes well that is not going to happen then why' you even offer because I assumed that you want me to be happy because I want you to be happy Michael let me make this very easy for you I could give a about your happiness stop dating my mother you know what I'm going to start dating her
even harder what's that supposed to mean you know what it means and I've known some wonderful women Holly Carol Jan Helen Helen my mother oh my mother Helen oh yeah yes yes yes all of all of the greatest loves of my life Brian started the fire it was always everybody turn it Michael 5K means 5 kilm not 5,000 miles come in hey hey hey God what are you doing what are you doing you said come in no I didn't just oh my God please get out come in May I enter the room yes or come
in see how I did that that's the way you should enter a room you knock and then you wait for they all clear you couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room yes but I have an office so why would I do that on average how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office just ballpark European offices are naked all the time they're so not besides my Shir tail covered most of it so I didn't see where it started by how where it ended gross that's not gross it is
a human body what is your problem Pam you're an artist right think of me as one of your models you know who I really think should go Stanley oh I don't know it's not a good idea Michael he needs to rest no rest for the sick we are not always going to be there to coddle your heart back when it disappears to be working what are you going to do if you're by yourself and your heart stops I would die and you're okay with that I'm okay with the logic of it uhuh no no no
come on get up let's do this yes I had a heart attack I would would quit but I'm too old to find another job and I don't have enough save to retire I feel like I'm working in my own casket you know what Pam if in 10 years I haven't had a baby and you haven't had a baby no Michael 20 years no Michael 30 sure it's a deal what oh nothing Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week I would be creeped out by it but it's nothing compared to the way
Michael looks at me oh oh well I kind of thought something would happen tonight too so alike so alike what are you doing what are you doing I'm rejecting your kiss I didn't let's think this true if we ask corporate for that then they are either going to say yes or no could go either way we don't know what they are going to say think it through you have to think it through because if they say no can we not no yes we have to you know why cuz I don't like to be cooped up
in that office in that box all day long Heisman because I need to think okay Jim oh Kevin o nice catch Oscar intercepted coat Michael just rented the devil weare's Prada steak where's my steak he's a big Merl Street fan so I shouldn't be surprised that he's identified with her character you're going to let me know when we're close right Yes actually I will tell you right now it's a club called chat room and there's a password to get in which is actually password so okay what are you doing uh that is an invitation to
an online party no no I'm sure that's not all right are there uh three W's at the beginning of the address yes yep look at those wrinkles blacks do crack not crack the drug okay hey Dwight he found it you know what I'm just going to call a c from here all right going to miss the best prank ever all right wait what are you planning on doing do you really want want to know oh God follow me come here here's what we brought we brought uniforms from the warehouse I brought Silly String Dwight brought
gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs or real bombs no no not real bombs yeah come on it'll be so badass maybe I don't know I don't know could be badass well n absolutely we're not doing this come on I already filled the bottles with the gas it's going to be so badass are you kidding me we've been driving around with this in the trunk the whole time do not not sleep with them on the first date it gives them all the power sleep with who whom whom whom my neighbor Alan they're going
on a date tonight oh wow oh my God I have a great idea you know what you should do be hilarious wear your wedding dress it would be a great Icebreaker in your Veil yeah do it I'll probably just wear this really okay well word of advice un button that top button let those things breathe well I would definitely have sex with Ryan cuz he is going to own his own business this next award goes somebody really lights up the office somebody who I think a lot of us cannot keep from checking out the hottest
in the office award goes to Ryan the [Music] 10 hey you sex you here you go hanging from baby there you go there you go Bells Bourbon and bullets a Murder Mystery Dinner Party game it is so much fun Everybody Plays a character we go around the room we try to figure out who did it hey I'm wondering if this is a um terrible idea this is my call gim big picture stuff it's about murder I thought we agreed that wouldn't do things like this tube City you owe me one co-managing is a give and
take you have to pick your battles one of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them he was going to call it Tube City so yes I do owe him one oh man good we're all here we can get started Michael have a seat why're not have a seat like everybody else okay this is so my office Ryan well hey there he is secret weapon wow look at you you are uh you're like the new and improved pam pam 6.0 oh
look oh hey no cat fights you two what I uh see that you gave me that form that I asked you to give me Stanley the Manley so thank you for that Proficiency in necessary skills [Laughter] excellent and now from my old Hometown Scranton Pennsylvania my former boss Michael Scott hey I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer so take that ass always a jokester ah this is our receptionist pam pam pam pam pam Beasley uh Pam has been with us um for forever right Pim well I don't
know if you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple of years ago all right right what uh any messages Stanley Eartha Stanley not me that's you come on Stanley put your little game down and and join the group no Stanley we're do having a little we're having a brainstorm session did I stutter a crossword puzzle Stanley seriously are you learning nothing here mhm what do you mean mhm I mean I'm learning nothing okay Jim Hol moved the shower did you see Holly's butt no I didn't you know why why because most
of the time friends don't talk about other friends butts yeah I know but what have you learned about her I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year I learned that she's allergic to Sesame seeds I learned that she has read loves and done three times nice and that her butt refuses to quit well I tried you have to you have to agree with me that's insane that's insane I thought you were to PE congratulations have you lost your mind get off my property before I call the police all right you got
it good leave it at the door yeah that's fine okay hold the door please oh thank you oh hello hello you wearing a thong what ham I have another little project for you does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs smart a whip yes these are precooked so it's not absolutely necessary but I would appreciate it if you can heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I'm going to be having I would greatly appreciate it when's the contest like um 10 minutes how am I supposed to get there's
a bunch come on Stanley you're losing you you're losing you do it Michael this is you are talking about Michael okay okay I'll show them but the doctor said if I can't find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings I'm going to die Andy a throne for your harness I'm not sitting in the wheelchair no no no no debate you are going to sit in that wheelchair until you are back on your feet I'm going to die much advice you seek do you know who that is fzy bear no that was Yoda
okay so what we do is we drive all day and we stay in hotels together like separate rooms well that goes without saying I'm going to say it anyway hey look at what you're wearing again Pam have you ever seen a magician's assistant that's that's this is a new cardig again kind of maybe you could tie it around your waist or lose the shirt underneath or something no all right okay I'm seeing some confused faces out there let me slow down a little bit break this down okay the more stickers you sell the more profit
fancy word for money you have to buy PlayStations and beanie babies and products here is more of a question and answer thing well okay I'm just kind of getting going I know um all right okay well we can do questions Michael you remember my daughter Melissa oh yes hello how are you good to see you wow you've really grown up you know what don't mind me saying so she has turned into a stone cold Fox better keep the Frat Boys away from her I'm in eighth grade oh she's in middle school yeah Middle School is
amazing it is extraordinary an extraordinary time I have recently taken a lover well that's great congratulations who's the lucky lady Pam's mom what Pam's mom Helen remember from your wedding you're messing with me about what you did not have sex with Pam's mom oh big time what kind of car she drive she drives a green cam R and the seats go all the way down all the way down oh my God oh my God what Mr temp having lunch by the car let us play with him this is be hilarious oh we playing phone tag
seven new messages first new message hi Ryan this is Saddam Hussein next message hey Ryan this is your girlfriend and I'm mad the last pickup for overnight deliveries is at 7 so you need to have them signed by then or much earlier chillax Pam stop Pam and Ming that's pretty good um actually I'm sending Ryan on a top secret mission tell her what it is updating emergency contacts well is that really a priority is it a priority oh I don't know um what if there's a tornado Pam people's legs are crushed under Rubble please would
you be so kind as to call my wife no I can't because we don't have any emergency contact information because Pam said it wasn't a priority think think with your head Pam okay well she walks out Stanley how about that hot picture you have by your desk centerfold in the Catholic school girls outfit I mean it is hot it is sexy and it turns him on and I will admit best part of my morning staring at it but what are we going to just take it away that is my daughter she goes to Catholic girls
school I'm taking it down right now oh breakfast I got your sausage egg and cheese biscuit yummy yummy thank you Ryan what was the thing uh you needed me to come in early for um the sausage egg and cheese biscuit but thank you and why don't you just take a couple hours off of is yours Home Alone Risky Business take your pants off run around what you want to do I'm just going to take a nap in my car till work starts okay healthier I'll watch those card I thought you might want to use this
time to authorize some checks I thought that maybe you could wait in line for me while I go to the bathroom you're an angel hey why don't you just go up to your office get some work done and I'll bring you a pretzel because I like him a certain way and if it gets screwed up then this whole thing's blown you know I just think it's really important that you be productive today Pam productivity starts with patience and determination I'll be back have you lost your mind do you think I'm going to let you do
this to me I've watched you screw up this office for 10 years and I'm filing a lawsuit and I'm going to tell them about every stupid thing you've ever done up in this office all right all right okay you know what now you know how I feel this was a fake firing lesson learned good work everybody very nice so I'm not fired that's it and uh do you have anything to say to me oh yes I do hey what I think Jim is trying to say is that they had an accident and you know what
these two people they're living together they are having lots of consensual sex they were living together yes yes they were living yes and you know what you can't expect them to be careful every time because frankly it's just a different sensation when you come well am I wrong they say it's not different but it's a different sensation when you use something to block I think everybody knows what I am talking about it's not necessarily different for the woman but it is different okay okay okay Michael for stop all right you have reached the offices of
dund Mifflin Scranton currently the entire staff is outdoing the Michael Scott dmsm PMC rabies awareness pram Fun Run Race for the Cure leave a message [Music] sure
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