Mysterious blood stains in my bed lead to a shocking Discovery hidden black mold in my attic room causing my hay fever symptoms let me just start by saying that I'm a man and so I don't get a period I have been living on my own in Amsterdam for a while now it's a nice little room in the Attic it's old nice and feels very cozy I don't live in a dorm but I live with an older lady who has two cats I'm allergic to myself so When those cats come this way I chase them out
the door now I have a problem a a few days ago I woke up with clothes on my closet turned over and clothes on the floor [ __ ] sleepwalking can happen now things are getting a little weird on the entire left side of my double bed from head to toe there is a long trail of blood as if something bloody has been running over it this can't be the cats because they don't come into my room at night and it also seems unlikely to me That an injured animal has been walking there because if
something bleeds that much it should be visible somewhere else in the room right it also seemed unlikely to me that I myself bled a vertical Trail in my sleep but I didn't think anything else of it I cleaned it up and that was that but this morning a few days later I woke up blood everywhere again on that side of the bed and with blood everywhere I really mean a trail you can't miss and the smell I Woke up because of the smell and not even my alarm clock 6:30 I went to ask the housewife
what she thinks this could be she smiled for a moment and said maybe your room is haunted well that didn't make it better I I'm now sitting in the bathroom scrubbing that sheet again and trying not to throw up I don't know what's going on here but could this be a weird hazing problem and by that I mean student hazing is this a normal thing they do in Amsterdam smear blood On your bed I'm just saying I'm from Brussels I know there are weird things happening here I don't get it at all especially because I've
scanned my whole body and there are no wounds anywhere has anyone experienced something similar is my room genuinely possessed sorry if this is a stupid question but I'm kind of done with it relevant comments commenter have read this before someone who had bled from his ears you don't often see that so it's logical that you Don't see a wound have your ears checked and place a camera if you not sure maybe just block the door on the inside or something oop I'm definitely going to do that good idea I'll ask the doctor right after class
today to schedule an appointment commenter please go get a carbon monoxide meter from action practice those things are €1 nausea and smelling things that aren't there you mentioned sulfur are both symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning plus the fact That this is happening in winter so you probably have more heating stove on than normal op I'm pretty scared of this now I just checked the symptoms online and they do match I'm going straight to the hardware store after class starting to get nervous about this haha commenter perhaps something about bed bugs that you roll flat in
your sleep after they feed oop yuck it's on the comforter though don't think I rolled over them but could have been an answer commenter You specifically mentioned that the first time that you woke up with clothes on different clothes therefore than you had fallen asleep with were there other weird things this morning or just blood op yes different clothes than what I went to bed with I went to sleep in my pajamas logical and I woke up with my sweater and jeans on I have never walked before this morning only blood thank God otherwise I
would have scheduled an appointment with the psychologist update Few Days Later update for the past few days I've been staying at my friend's house see if it's mysteriously bleeding there too I ordered a camera and nothing happened until yesterday morning I went back home went to the doctor on the way because I suffer from hay fever and once home just checked the cats for being in heat turns out they're both male unfortunately I set up the camera in a can thanks to whoever advised that and went into the space behind my room with A CO
detector to measure it the second I got in there I smelled a very familiar smell exactly the smell that vaguely smelled like blood now that I know what it is I would associate it more with meat but the smell of blood came very close anyway I grabbed the CO detector shirt in front of my nose and put that thing to work nothing wrong anyway I called my friend because the smell was very specific she was there within an hour and she too thought it smelled very Strangely of blood it's a large attic which smells of
blood and rotted flesh and there are things everywhere in the dark of course course my imagination ran wild my girlfriend also started to get the Jitters and after an hour of pondering we decided to call the police well they showed up on my doorstep after 4 hours and together we went upstairs the police also smelled the odor and it was so convincing that some other special agents were called in before They went up into the attic very long story short after a long wait and search they didn't find a body but they did find mold
all over the wall against my room under the baseboards on the the roof black mold everywhere immediately relieved that my landlord wasn't a murderer but black mold isn't a fun joke either in the meantime I've moved all my stuff and am temporarily living with my girlfriend until the problem is solved even then I don't know if I'll go back Because the landlord wasn't very happy that I kind of suspected her of murder but that's another story it's funny because as the doctor said when I came in with my hay fever it's remarkable that you're suffering
from it now he was right the itchy eyes the nose bleed in my sleep yes it turned out to be a nose bleed the sleepwalking the tired days everything in place end of story I do want to thank you all individually for your kind messages and Earnest attempts To help thanks to you I went behind the room to check that meter I wonder if I would have found out about the fungus if I hadn't thanks so much really relevant comments comment one I get it's not as bad as a body but the thought of there
being black mold all around me in the walls growing day after day is still skin crawling awful and I wish more people realized how [ __ ] hay fever and other allergies is and how many symptoms there are I think people think it's just Sneezing a bit not the weeks of misery some of us experience comment two the lady's reaction of maybe your room is haunted makes me feel like she knew there was a problem but they just didn't want to deal with it which is why the landlord is unhappy since now the authorities are
involved they have no choice but to clean it up after 12 years together and four years of marriage my husband wants to polyamory after falling for someone else original post hi I've Been married to my hubby for 4 years and we've been together for 12 years after a lot of financial struggle we bought a house and we are now planning to get kids a few months ago my husband felt sick and had to stay home for a while he decided to pick up an online game and started having weekly sessions with a group of players
among them is a girl 30 I think and long story short he fell in love with her he broke down crying a month ago and admitted it He told me it built up so gradually he didn't understand how he felt until it was too late they started texting privately after meeting and eventually had one-on-one calls together then at some point he said she told him she was in love with him and he realized it was Mutual he said he told her it was impossible but loved her too they tried to be just friends but they
couldn't resist and continued to show affection for each other he showed me the text but Also ventured into sexting she asked if she could meet him face to face but he refused so he told told me all of this apologized over and over again and told me he couldn't control himself and while he loved us both it was me he would choose no matter what I was still very upset and slept at a friend's that night to gather my thoughts I decided to forgive him because he clearly felt guilt and wanted to work it out
I told him that while I was deeply hurt I still Appreciated him coming forward to me and being honest about what happened we got into long conversations about how we were feeling in our relationship I accepted he could love someone else but said I didn't like how he handled it he agreed and then yesterday he asked if I was comfortable opening up the marriage to polyamory he said he still wanted to live with me and have kids but can't erase nor ignore the feelings he has for her he says he wants to do it right
and Let us both see other people with clear boundaries and communication and still be present for one another I'm going to be honest it made me very uncomfortable at first we have several friends who are poly I know more or less how it works but I never really thought about getting into it myself I am not against it it just never never crossed my mind before I am trying to think it through but it's a lot to take in sorry my writing is probably messy but it's kind of hard to Focus I guess it's too
early to decide and we have a lot more to discuss beforehand but still could you guys give me your opinions on this thanks a lot top comments commenter one I'd be divorcing so fast dog of the bone so he cheated and now wants to be able to keep cheating by calling it Polly LOL come on do not have kids with this man for the love of God and if you have have any self-respect you'll be serving him divorce papers as soon as possible sorry Your husband is a cheating ass swamp cats you got married under
the assumption you would remain monogamous he is trying to fundamentally change the nature of your relationship if I were you I would drop any attempts at conceiving and figure out your next steps personally I would not stay with someone who desired an open relationship you need to decide if it's something you're willing to entertain or not update one first off sorry I didn't Reply to all your comments I am very thankful for them they helped me realize hard but fair truths about the whole situation I waited for a bit to think about it all and
had multiple long discussions with my husband I wanted to confront him before making a final decision to answer some of your questions the other girl wanted to meet him but they never did partly because my husband refused but honestly mostly because she lives too far from here I Still got checked for STDs though and I'm clean yay as for our poly friends they apparently were the ones who suggested he go down the polyamory Road I stopped talking to them for now I'll deal with the bigger problem first I told him his actions hurt me deeply
and that while I appreciated him admitting his affair it was still infidelity I told him what you guys said that turning it into polyamory was merely greenlighting the affair after the fact That polyamory should be built on Mutual trust and communication which he already broke that I didn't feel respected it destroyed him he said he already knew deep down but didn't want to admit it neither to me nor to himself we both screamed and cried a lot he finally admitted he wanted to open the marriage for selfish reasons he is very sorry he cut off
contact with the other girl let me fully access his computer and phone and now wants to go to counseling to Repair our relationship and marriage he has shown me a lot of affection and attention since then although he admits himself it's sometimes out of guilt and not just out of pure love and now I want to make it work too but am I or is it a sunk cost fallacy I don't know our first session is in 2 months the earliest we could get and every day I change my mind literally yesterday I wanted to
leave him while today I think it's worth giving it a try because we've known each Other for so long we understand each other on a very deep level share a lot of interests and have already built so much together he was there for me during hard parts of my life he took responsibility for his actions and is really trying plus if I leave him I'd have to start my life nearly from scratch find a new place to live go back into dating for the first time in 12 years I don't want to lose everything it
sounds very hard and scary am I not too Old for this but at the same time that's a form of denial isn't it it doesn't matter if those years were good it's not going to be the same even if he gains my trust back even if I forgive him I'll never forget I think he is genuinely remorseful but isn't it too late for that I am too empathetic him being present now doesn't erase what was done do I want to stay not because I still believe in this relationship but because I don't have the strength
to ask for a Divorce because it's the Easy Choice some kind of codependency I have no idea I can picture both paths clearly and it's tearing me apart I am lost maybe even more than I was when I wrote my previous post I've lost sleep and appetite and I'm not sure I enjoy anything in my life anymore I booked an appointment with a psychologist for me alone to help with this whole thing I am sorry at this point I am rambling I know I am the only one who can decide what's Okay and comfortable for
me or not it's ultimately my choice and my choice only the emotional hell I'm going through just makes thinking about that choice very hard and paralyzing I'll go to both therapies and try to see what to do from here I'll try to update but it's probably going to take a while I am sorry I want to thank you again for your support and I am sending you guys a lot of love edit a couple of infos I should have mentioned but didn't because Putting all of that into writing without committing something is much harder than
I thought he cut off contact with her because once he told him he was married and wanted us both she just ran away and broke up with him there are times since then where my husband starts feeling sad or angry because of what's basically withdrawal and for that he's smart least sensible enough not to blame me what kind of marriage did we have before this crisis it will sound so naive it's my First and only romantic relationship we were very close and basically grew as adults together we could talk about anything and understand each other
we shared the same values and interests what changed I think we got into a routine and he got bored during our argument he said he was addicted to the attention the girl was giving him and that he felt I didn't show him I was in love with him enough anymore I told him that even if it was true he should have Told me instead of having an affair on one hand I have my faults too and I could accept this as one of them on the other I was taking care of him in the house
while he was sick I don't think he believes it I don't think he means it but it makes me wonder whether I was actually a good wife for him even though I am not responsible for his actions thanks again for your support y'all it's a lot a lot to process but it helps me so much relevant comments oop on if she And her husband have kids and plans on getting counseling op kids are off the table if we do go into counseling and it goes exceptionally well maybe we'll talk about it but for now the
distrust is already there he says I love you but I never know whether it's to regain my trust whether he means it or not even if he does does he love me or is it a lie he tells himself dog of the bone if you choose to stay don't be surprised if in a year you find him talking to someone Again cheaters are sneaky they'll show remorse and swear they've changed meanwhile they're smirking inside because they've started a new Affair and think they can get away with it this time oop thank you it's obvious and
wellknown once a cheater always a cheater but reading it helps me fight denial I really need to break up with him if not for myself just to show him that actions have consequences final update tldr we are divorcing hooray tww Emotional affair manipulation self harm threats psychological abuse hey I hope you are doing well so my soon to be ex-husband had an emotional affair online and tried to make me Greenlight it by asking for an open marriage where we'd be allowed to have side Adventures I refused and his affair partner dumped him he begged me
to try to reconcile with him to which I agreed while I was actually trying to prepare my exit we both went to individual therapy still am We separated temporarily three times but every time I came back it went terribly he was desperate he kept trying to cross my boundaries love bombing me playing the victim asking to touch me even though I established I didn't want to threatening to kill himself if we were to divorce I could go on and on this made me finally realize along with my therapist's help a lot of self-reflection and my
exchanges on Reddit that I was in an abusive Relationship which is an important part actually the most important part of this update please look up definitions and examples of abuse because I had no idea that what my husband had been doing all these years even before the affair counted as such in his case it was psychological abuse manipulation gaslighting guilt tripping blame shifting emotional blackmail nothing aggressive or mean which turned me into a very submissive partner over the years Always catering to his needs while erasing Minds I rationalize everything it happened subtly and gradually and
I was too naive to see it for what it was his emotional affair and open marriage proposal were the natural continuity of that of course the more I tried to get away from him the more manipulative he got now that I was aware of it I knew what he was doing but fighting years of conditioning even if you recognize it and succeed is f Asis King exhausting And disarming so earlier today I brought a friend home to assist me we sat down the three of us and I told my husband we were over and I
handed him the papers it might sound dumb but it's genuinely one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life I was terrified yet he agreed he repeatedly asked me if I was sure he reminded me of the family we were planning to have one of our best memories together was it all for nothing apparently yes he was heartbroken Clearly mad and frustrated but still he agreed he signed them and went back to his parents for now we still have to go through the whole procedure separate our assets decide what to do with the
house and all and he still wants us to go to marriage counseling but right now I feel free for the first time in months the last hours have been a mix of Tears celebration and godly restful sleep and I have to thank you guys again because my first Reddit post was the wake-up Call I needed to eventually finally get here better late than never thank you so much lot of love to you all relevant comments F 7,35 he reminded me of the family we were planning to have in of our best memories together was it
all for nothing apparently yes he was heartbroken that's a special kind of [ __ ] was it all for nothing after cheating on his partner he sounds like an insufferable [ __ ] honestly congrats on your freedom o I Know right the hypocrisy the nerves of this man the worst part is that he appears very Charming to everyone who knows him him myself included hell a lot of people from our Circle who are aware of what he did still think he's a good person who just lost himself for a while I guess it's hard to
accept that the ones we love can be terrible people too any decision 470 you have been through a long hard journey and it will take a while yet but You are investing in yourself and your health and happiness good for you continue self-care and practice Safety and Security slow down and heal so that you will be strong and ready to to seek and recognize true love wishing you a joyous future you can do this oop thank you I'll do my best I like to think the hardest part is behind me but this story taught me
to expect the worst whatever happens though from now on it's me first I deserve love and happiness and I'll Fight for it update three my previous post should have been the final update I wish God I wish but no of course not of course it got worse again [ __ ] my life after my soon to be ex-husband signed the divorce papers we went no contact or at least I tried to he still sent me text messages voice messages and tried to call me multiple times he even sent me a long letter full of statements
such as I'm concerned that your mental health is deteriorating I believe you need Anti-depressants to help you feel like yourself again or your trauma is understandable but it probably makes you want to punish me by making irrational decisions like divorce or I am afraid are surrounding yourself with questionable influences that have bad agendas please let me help you see it through he claimed that the crisis was just as hard for him as it was for me people told me he was escalating and that I should protect myself I should Have listened immediately but I didn't
react soon enough then he came to our street he arrived Uninvited and pleaded with me to give him a second chance he said he wanted to be there for me and for us insisting that he didn't deserve any of this I started to feel distressed he saw that I was unwell and wanted to comfort me so he hugged me but I didn't want to be touched I'm pretty sure I told him no I think I screamed no multiple times but my memory is fuzzy Either I misremember or I did say no and he ignored it
and didn't stop I know it's just a hug but it triggered a severe panic attack he called Emergency Services telling them he was worried about me because I wasn't myself I had to ask the paramedics to make him leave after that he told me he was there for me if I needed him but he thought we needed space he contacted half of our Social Circle to inform them that I was unwell and needed support our mutual Friends my colleagues our neighbors my physician people reached out of the blue to ask if I was okay I
became paranoid unsure of who to trust anymore close friends my therapist and people here helped me see things more clearly my lawyer filed a restraining order against him but unfortunately it was refused not enough concrete evidence of a threat apparently I want to scream we submitted a second request which is currently being reviewed in the meantime I've Moved into an apartment of my own he doesn't know where I live hell almost nobody does I constantly wonder how he reacted when he found out I'm still paying my half of the mortgage because nothing has been decided
regarding our house yet it's financially very hard for me but I do feel safer I am feeling much better although I remain haunted by constant stress Sleep Disorders nightmares nervous ticks random bir of tears and rushes of anxiety my physician Prescribed me sedatives they do make it easier I realize I'm isolating myself more and more I try to fight it but I'm really afraid that sensitive information could leak even accidentally I've started reaching out to my closest friends again as much as I can I'm trying to come back here on Reddit I keep going to
therapy it's necessary because one part of me the part he cultivated for so long urges me to stop all of this to go back to the house Cancel the restraining order cancel the divorce call him apologize and repair our relationship it would be insane I am not going to do that I do not listen to that little voice I don't but when your defenses are attacked over and over again it becomes incredibly hard to reason properly I can't wait for the divorce to be over I just want to move on I want all of this
to be behind me I'm sorry this is Bleak I wish I would have left sooner I just hope this can Help someone anyone relevant comments oop needs to get cameras for her new place op I already have a ring doorbell I am waiting for this month's salary which should probably arrive today or tomorrow to buy additional cameras I also got my landlord's authorization to add latches to the door I hope this will help oop talks with her therapist about how manipulative her ex is oop my therapist is aware she stopped putting gloves on a While
ago and straight up said his behavior is abusive she encouraged me to move out and gave me a lot of grounding and breathing exercises to help me when it gets overwhelming as I said in another comment I'll see if I can find someone else maybe specialized in trauma but the waiting list can be very long here I've been journaling for a few months now and it's true that it helps a lot as for my friends I have a couple ones I really Trust and they already know everything I am trying to find a balance between
venting to them about all of this and keeping some lighter positive interactions anyway thanks for your support it means a lot to me my sister sabotaged my wedding and now with her struggles to conceive my parents want her to share my baby as a little background my sister Pam 30f persuaded our parents and a few of our family members not to come to my wedding She believed it was inappropriate for me to marry her while she was divorcing she turned to lying and spreading rumors to get people to avoid me because the truth alone wasn't
enough to make them hate me my spouse and I recently shared on social media that I currently in my second trimester of pregnancy I am 27f my parents and Pam learned about it in this way and after we had not spoken for over 3 years they tried to mend things with me why Pam is sadly unable to Conceive due to her infertility despite the fact that she has failed multiple IVF Cycles she is adamant about trying again Pam does not believe that surrogacy or adoption are the best options for her at this time since I'm
expecting a child my parents thought it would be beneficial to make amends with Pam so she could spend time with a child who is not directly linked to her they even proposed that the child have two mothers saying that this would benefit Me because I would receive more assistance my parents really only want to pretend to be a happy family now that Pam is unable to have children of her own during the call I was able to see through their phony politeness I informed them that I would not accept this idea and that it was
completely irrational to expect me to comply to be honest it was ridiculous that they even believed I would think about letting Pam act as the mother of my future child I Clarified that they shouldn't have done it because I was expecting a baby and they wanted to give Pam a play thing but rather because they truly loved me and were sorry for how they treated me they took issue at what I said claiming that Pam was prepared to volunteer for her future niece or nephew and that they were just providing assistance because they knew I
would require assistance when the kid was born they said I was being too harsh and that it was all Perfectly innocent I replied that my husband and in-laws were already providing me with all the assistance I required because I was the mother they should keep avoiding me in the future if it was easy for them to do so in the past here's where I might have gone too far I suggested that Pam might not be able to conceive because she was a horrible person and wouldn't be a good mother my parents a few family members
and of course Pam herself sent me a ton Of texts after that call they all demand that I should apologize to them claiming that what I said was needless and unkind I shouldn't kick people when they're already down they say the issue is that I can still clearly recall every event leading up to my wedding and I Harbor deep an osity toward Pam for her actions I find it hard to feel bad about what I said to put things in perspective while I was organizing my wedding Pam had already been married for 2 years prior
To their marriage she and her ex-husband had been dating for 3 years and she had always understood his desire to live a childless life when they began talking about their future after a year of dating it was among the first things she brought up to our parents even though I was in the room at the time they continued their chat as usual acting as though I wasn't there another problem is that even as a child Pam and I have never gotten along she has always been The Beloved daughter of our parents when we were younger
we used to quarrel a lot but eventually we just learned to ignore one another she therefore knew for a fact that she wanted children in the future even if she was telling our parents that her ex-boyfriend preferred a childless existence in the end they agreed to bring up the subject again when they were married and she hoped that by then he would have changed his mind she tried to persuade him to have Children but he refused to change his views and they started fighting a lot she would frequently look very distraught at family gatherings and
tell about how hard it was to stay with him all the time her decision to wet a man who had made it apparent that he didn't want children was in my opinion her fault it was she who thought she could make him reconsider however she had no right to hold him responsible when she was unable to naturally I kept all of This to myself since I knew it would just cause more problems I tried to persuade him for a few months before my parents informed me that Pam had returned to live with them permanently following
a heated argument with her husband they told me there was no way out of it at this point my spouse and I had just begun making deposits for our wedding at this point after almost 4 years of dating we had been engaged for a few months we had waited until we were Both comfortable in our employment even though we had been prepared for marriage for a while my parents therefore told me that they wanted me to put off my wedding forever when they told me that Pam and her husband were going to divorce they didn't
want me to marry Pam at the same time she was divorcing in order to offend her they said that Pam already had it difficult because she had to postpone her intentions to have a baby they said That I should not forward with my wedding in order to spare her feelings because she truly wanted to become a mother it was likely the most ridiculous and inconsiderate thing they had ever tried to get me to do I informed them of course that I would not delay my wedding for Pam whether she liked it or not I was
going to marry since we were never close I didn't care what she thought about my wedding but my choice did not sit well with my parents they were upset Because I wasn't prepared to put their beloved daughter's sentiments ahead of my own wedding arrangements they warned me that they wouldn't go if I didn't postpone the wedding I knew my parents had a soft place for Pam but I never imagined they would go to such lengths for her so that was incredibly upsetting and devastating to me nevertheless I accepted it and informed them that they may
do as they pleased Pam wasn't content even though it should have been The end of it she didn't like that I was getting married so she made sure the rest of the family didn't come either she initially only tried to win people over by saying that it was rude of me to get married while she was going through such a difficult period although the majority expressed sympathy for her they did not specifically state that they would not attend my wedding she made the decision to step it up after realizing this she began spreading stories about
Me because the truth wasn't contentious enough Pam started claiming that I had been persuading her husband to divorce her because I was envious of her and couldn't bear the idea of her having a child before me I had never been friends with her spouse so the allegations were ridiculous if he and I had ever gotten close I genuinely doubt Pam would have married him at all people began to believe her though for some reason she even claimed that I had been bothering Her by convincing her spouse that he would be happier without her and manipulating
him to leave her Pam claims that I was to blame for his lack of desire for children since I had reportedly persuaded him that having no children was the way to go for Our Generation all of it was false I assume she lied so firmly that others started to believe her even though I hadn't really engaged with my brother-in-law when he was married to Pam Many folks turned down my wedding invites a couple of my supportive cousins and other family members told me about Pam's comments so I already knew why I wasn't shocked to learn
that no one provided me with a detailed explanation for their refusal only a few relatives and a few individuals from my side of the family came to my wedding everyone else was either a friend or a co-worker on the bride's side the attendance was dreadfully poor in the Weeks before the wedding I recall being really Furious about all of this many individuals had already made up their minds and some had even blocked me but I knew I could try talking to them and being honest I didn't bother because it would have been my word against
hers fortunately my spouse friends and in-laws were there to support me on the wedding day I barely noticed that so many of my family members weren't present because they made sure I had so Much fun I haven't forgiven Pam for what she did though simply because I had a good time on my wedding day she was vengeful and vicious in what she did she made sure I wasn't happy just because she didn't get her way which was quite typical of her she had been like way since she was a child but most people get over
those habits especially by the time they are in their late 20s regretfully I am unable to say the same for her I cut her and my parents off Entirely after that incident and my animosity toward them only deepened I saw Pam's ex-husband for the first time since their divorce around a year later one day while my husband and I were out to lunch we noticed him eating with some of his co-workers we weren't expecting him to greet us so it was a little awkward but approached our table congratulated us on our wedding and expressed regret
for not being there he clarified that it was because of my Sister's predicament we were also courteous because he was chitchatting and my husband even made a joke about how he might as well have come because Pam didn't show up Pam's ex-husband then appeared truly perplexed at that point we began discussing the events leading up to the wedding he revealed how Pam had repeatedly postponed the mediation sessions and postponed The Divorce by claiming she was too preoccupied with getting ready for my wedding When her ex-husband learned she hadn't even gone he became perplexed her sudden
interest in my wedding had surprised him but he had refrained from confronting her because he didn't want to accuse her of postponing the divorce out of fear he just dealt with everything as calmly as he could we discussed the facts after he gave us his version of events which included Pam's failure to attend the wedding her spreading false information about me and her accusation that I was Attempting to end her marriage after expressing his shock that Pam would act in such a manner he revealed the true cause of their split it was a far deeper
issue than a dispute over having kids after months of arguments about whether or not to have children her ex-husband finally began to take her point of view into consideration and was on the verge of changing his mind she told him something that made all the difference the day he made the decision to talk to Her about it she appeared ecstatic when he informed her that he was at last prepared to think about being a parent then in what she believed to be a jest she said that he would have had to accept it sooner rather
than later even if he hadn't been prepared she acknowledged that she had surreptitiously stopped taking her birth control pills without notifying him when he asked her to explain she might have gotten pregnant if they had kept going That way making plans for him to Simply deal with it he was unable to accept this perverse scheme she had deceived us into believing that their disagreements were solely about having children but in reality their most recent dispute had been about her treachery Pam made an effort to make it seem light-hearted but it didn't make her actions any
less serious in essence she was attempting to trick him into becoming pregnant so that he would be forced to accept the Pregnancy at any time my husband and I were more clearer on why she had behaved so erratically around the time of our wedding after that talk with her ex-husband she was aware that she was to blame for her divorce she could have kept it to herself and none of this would have occurred even if she had taken the risky decision to stop taking her birth control she may have even given birth to a child
with her spouse but she ruined everything for herself Before venting her frustration on me I became much more resentful of her after discovering all of this I had the option of telling telling my parents and other family members the truth but I decided against it I had already severed my connections with people who hadn't been at my wedding by that point and to be honest I just wanted to get on with my life I made the decision to remain silent and continue but to be honest I don't feel bad about what I said because I
hate her so much I genuinely think it's fortunate that she hasn't been able to have children because I don't think someone with her personality could be a decent mother the fact that she and my parents only contacted me because I am pregnant and they wish to play happy family with my unborn child further bothers me that simply will not occur regarding the notion of my child having two mothers I concur with my in-laws and my spouse that it is not essential People's reactions to my comment especially those with whom I get along are the only
reason I'm even slightly unsure so am I the jerk for suggesting that my sister might not make a good mother which is why she hasn't been able to conceive in response to inquiries Pam has not remarried and to the best of my knowledge is not currently seeing anyone although I don't know much about her personal life I've learned from friends and family that she is totally unmarried And that her primary goal at the moment is to have children you can guess why she isn't interested in adopting a child or using a surrogate in my opinion
it's because she feels that a child isn't truly your child unless you've given birth to it yourself she has been trying for over 3 years including when she tried to conceive with her spouse and when she used donors for IVF following the divorce so far nothing has worked for her most people would think about Other choices by now but she isn't interested and that's her decision the fact that she and my parents only tried to reconcile after I revealed my pregnancy is what truly seems odd the remark about two mothers stuck with me Additionally you
all observe that they made particular reference to the fact that this baby would be linked to her by Blood technically speaking my child would be her blood relative because she is my biological Sister however bringing it up while trying to make amends is odd and their action simply gave off a disturbing almost baby stealer atmosphere I afraid she'll start projecting and acting like the mother if I do try to forgive her and give her some contact with my child I can't allow that to occur some of you have questioned why I haven't defended myself in
front of the rest of the family or spoken out about the true cause of her divorce in all honesty I Don't believe it's worth it I became aware of my true friends and supporters after the wedding everything that transpired deeply wounded me and even though I wanted to speak out about the truth I decided against it I wanted to be left alone even a few family members MERS with whom I get along well said that I was a little callous when I told Pam that she couldn't have children although they don't expect me to apologize
they do believe it was a Little too severe these folks have always stood behind me so that's why I'm worried if they too think I was too severe then maybe I should be worried update one I appreciate all of the comments left on my post I appreciate your support even though it seems like most of you believe I'm NTA I will continue to ignore Pam and my parents and I have made the decision not to to apologize to them they are obviously unhappy about this on social media and In real life they are acting like
the victim and disparaging me in front of our family members once more I already don't talk to those people so I'm not bothered by it what could possibly go wrong that they will further isolate me I made the decision to talk to my family members that support me yet disagree with my remark and address it almost everyone in the family is aware of what happened and what I said and Pam and my parents have made a big issue out of it I reached out to people who truly care about me since I won't engage with
someone I don't get along with I admitted to them that In the Heat of the Moment I had uttered those things however that doesn't change the fact that Pam's deliberate attempt to draw attention to herself during my wedding was much worse for Years Pam has been mean and disrespectful to me and I won't say I'm sorry for something that might even be true she won't be significantly Impacted by my remark at least not in the same manner that she did me when she created rumors because of what she said my family declined to come to
to my wedding it's not the same thing because my viewpoint won't stop her from being pregnant those who were on my side are still supportive and my relatives seem to understand this I'm okay with them deciding not to talk about it anymore all I want is for my pregnancy to be a joyful and healthy one I hope this Tension between Pam and my parents ends quickly I don't want them to stretch this out because I might have to tell them some things they won't like this is something I really don't want to deal with especially
now that I'm expecting update two my parents have been playing the victim and informing everyone in the family about what I said for the past 2 weeks since I last spoke to them on the phone they have been pleading with others to avoid me to never communicate With me again and even to cut me off from family members that get along well with me they basically want me shunned by the entire family my parents haven't been successful in their strategy though because as I indicated I was able to work things out with the people I
care about they obviously didn't like it so they posted disparaging remarks about me on social media I am aware that the posts are about me even if they haven't specifically mentioned me they have been Discussing a particular relative who has always tried to ruin lives and always been jealous of Pam that's why I allegedly made fun of her infertility they say I knew it was all lies so at first I didn't care but it really got to me when they recently posted that I was the one who destroyed Pam's marriage I chose to reply since
they were repeating the same falsehoods they had told me around the time of my wedding I made contact with my former brother-in-law Even if we don't communicate frequent ly we are on speaking terms because we still greet one other on holidays and on our birthdays I told him everything that had been going on and asked if he would mind if I told the truth in public I did what he told me to do the drama has escalated since I wrote about Pam's actions and the true cause of their divorce although I haven't spoken to anyone
directly family members have been calling texting and emailing me to ask Whether it's true to ask me to remove the post and even to accuse me of lying about Pam once more none of them have received a response from me my parents and Pam on the other hand have remained remarkably silent which suggests that they have little to defend themselves they'll find words though I'm sure even after all of this it's disheartening that no one in the family has bothered to apologize to me but it's okay since it's exactly what I anticipated I Believe I've
been successful in exposing Pam for who she truly is which was my major objective I'm just going to relax and observe what happens next update three Pam and my parents finally contacted me a few days after my last post stating that they were prepared to apologize but only if I consented to have my post removed the rest of the family hasn't expressed regret to me but they seem to have contacted my parents and Pam to criticize their actions they Told my parents that it was unfair to portray me negatively when Pam was ultimately to blame
for her divorce my relationships with my parents have suffered greatly as a result of their years of deceiving the family it's amazing how fast certain family members went from detesting me to betraying Pam however as I already stated I don't hold it in high regard for those who assume that I was the cause of Pam's marital issues they're now equally eager to Assume that she was at fault from the beginning they still refuse to say sorry and the majority of them have ceased getting in touch with me no one is requesting me to remove the
post and no one is interested in knowing if I was speaking the truth I replied to Pam and my parents that I would wait to remove the post until I felt like it I don't care about their apologies anymore I responded to their email correspond resp and subsequently block them they haven't Made an attempt to get in touch with me since but this morning I made the decision to remove the post not for them but rather because I don't want my social media accounts to be overflowing with posts about unimportant people retaliation isn't beneficial and
as I mentioned I want a pleasant and healthy pregnancy Journey furthermore I believe that's sufficient punishment for Pam and my parents because they are who they are I have family and friends who truly care About me and my spouse and I are content I really only need that it doesn't really matter what my sister and parents are doing these days I hope they understand after everything that has transpired that I don't want to interact with them ever again and avoid me that's all I have to say and considering everything that has happened I doubt they
will get in touch anytime soon I'm grateful to everyone who has helped me answered my messages and given me Guidance it is really important to me my fiance changed right after I proposed and now her friends call me toxic am I the [ __ ] for wanting to end the engagement I am32 just recently proposed to my girlfriend of two years Sharon f30 like a month and a half ago and it feels like the second the ring got on her finger her attitude and behavior took a total 180 the entire time we were dating we
seemed exceptionally compatible and at Least it seemed we shared common beliefs and morals 7 weeks ago I proposed and she said yes and I felt like it was the happiest moment for the two of us but not even a week later it's like her attitude totally flipped I thought I knew all her friends but one day I came home and there were six women I've never seen before and Sharon introduced me to them I was curious as to why I was just now meeting them when I already met Sharon's two best friends Michelle and Octavia
both not present over a year and a half ago Sharon said she wanted to make sure we were a sure thing before I met her Inner Circle I found this strange not to mention it was a week night and they were quickly draining my wine rack of wine Sharon still had her own place but she stayed with me so often she practically lives there still I found it incredibly rude when they left with four empty bottles of Rosie in their wake I tried to talk to Sharon About having uninvited guests on week nights and she
dismissed my grievance very flippantly more than that she brushed me off the following weeks she went out with the girls several times and when she brought of the girls to my place twice without notice once with notice to appease me her words they all treated me like a butler shaking their empty wine glasses at me for refills after the fourth time I made it clear that I will get a locked wine rack Sharon just called me no fun after that it gets worse Sharon decided me and the girls got off on the wrong foot and
said we should have dinner together at a nice restaurant well I went and it was not great the six kept proding me about my life my house my career but deflected every question I asked it got especially bad at night when they started talking about modern relationships and jealousy and one of them brought up some key points about relationships that I Thought Sharon and I were on the same page about specifically what ifs regarding polyamory and being friends with exes to my shock Sharon said we shouldn't be too hasty on such decisions which was a
total 180 to how she expressed herself on these things only a month prior where she was vehemently against keeping ex- intimate Partners in friend circles and was staunchly monogamous the worst part was when the bill arrived Sharon announced it should Be together and slid me the check I told her she can't be serious and we got into a bit of an argument I ended it by putting my amount down in cash and walked out leaving them to figure out the rest of the bill the next few days after that Sharon kept calling me toxic and
my fiance changed right after I proposed and now her friends call me toxic am I the [ __ ] for wanting to end the engagement I am32 just recently proposed To my girlfriend of two years Sharon f30 like a month and a half ago and it feels like the second the ring got on her finger her attitude and behavior took a total 180 the entire time we were dating we seemed exceptionally compatible and at least it seemed we shared common beliefs and morals 7 weeks ago I proposed and she said yes and I felt like
it was the happiest moment for the two of us but not even a week later it's like her attitude totally flipped I Thought I knew all her friends but one day I came home and there were six women I've never seen before and Sharon introduced me to them I was curious as to why I was just now meeting them when I already met Sharon's two best friends Michelle and Octavia both not present over a year and a half ago Sharon said she wanted to make sure we were a sure thing before I met her Inner
Circle I found this strange not to mention it was a week night and they were quickly Draining my wine rack of wine Sharon still had her own place but she stayed with me so often she practically lives there still I found it incredibly rude when they left with four empty bottles of Rosie in their wake I tried to talk to Sharon about having uninvited guests on week nights and she dismissed my grievance very flippantly more than that she brushed me off the following week she went out with the girls several times and when she brought
her the girls To my place twice without notice once with notice to appease me her words they all treated me like a butler shaking their empty wine glasses at me for refills after the fourth time I made it clear that I will get a locked wine rack Sharon just called me no fun after that it gets worse Sharon decided me and the girls got off on the wrong foot and said we should have dinner together at a nice restaurant well I went and it was not great the six kept proding me about my Life my
house my career but deflected every question I asked it got especially bad at night when they started talking about relationships and jealousy and one of them brought up some key points about relationships that I thought Sharon and I were on the same page about specifically what ifs regarding polyamory and being friends with exes to my shock Sharon said we shouldn't be too hasty on such decisions which was a total 180 to how she expressed herself On these things only a month prior where she was vehemently against keeping ex- intimate Partners in friend circles and was
staunchly monogamous the worst part was when the bill arrived Sharon announced it should be together and slid me the check I told her she she can't be serious and we got into a bit of an argument I ended it by putting my amount down in cash and walked out leaving them to figure out the rest of the bill the next few days after that Sharon kept Calling me toxic and fragile but every time I even pushed it she would give an apology and promise she was just stressed at work it's nuts we haven't even planned
the wedding yet the worst part was this Monday when at work I got a nest doorbell alert checked and saw Sharon and one of her six new friends arriving at my place going in and exiting with my golf club this set was a gift from my father and it cost a pretty penny too so Sharon Lending it out without my permission got me pissed I immediately called Sharon and told her and her friend to return the clubs Sharon tried to Gaslight me with but you promised to lend the clubs to her boyfriend remember I told
her the club's cost would move it into a serious crime and her and her friend had an hour to return them or the cops would be called Sharon kept insisted she got my permission and I told her to cut the crap well not 45 minutes later I got Another notification of Sharon and her friend coming back with the clubs and going inside leaving them Sharon's friend flipping off the nest doorbell on the way out I got home and saw Sharon's friend literally just threw the clubs and back on the living room floor Sharon tried to
talk to me about my toxicity again and I told her again to cut the crap I said if I knew this was how she was I would have never proposed that seemed to freak her out and she again Insisted that she was stressed from work but I wasn't buying it anymore I told her to return the ring and her key and we would talk about our relationship sh this weekend she cried and begged me not to cancel the engagement and insisted that it was just stress I told her again we will talk about it this
weekend she finally relented I had my house Reed anyway after she left just to be safe Sharon has been texting me constant messages of love and apologies for Getting swept up and insisted she was only wanting to show me off to her close friends I don't know I'm just not buying it the same close friends have been sending me texts daily calling me toxic and fragile again saying they knew I wasn't mad enough for Sharon or secure enough to share her with friends a few of my friends that knew Sharon the entire two years we
were dating were surprised and can't believe she turned hide this quick and that there must be Something missing or that I'm leaving something out they say I must have said something to trigger her friends to act like this and I had to have been the ah somewhere along the process I don't know it's a lot to take from all directions right now relevant comments comment one 2 years and she didn't introduce you to these friends she knows how terrible they are and how terrible she is with them she put on quite a show to get
the ring and now that she thought she had You locked down she can show her true colors unless you are leaving out something you're definitely NTA you are not toxic or fragile you have standards an update one year later I'm rethinking having kids with my wife after what I discovered about her father am I the [ __ ] original post my wife Jessica 32f and I 30m have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby Jessica has an older sister Mary that she isn't close to she told me that they had a
Huge falling out over some family drama and just don't speak anymore I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn't like talking about it and doesn't think it's important it was Jessica's brother's birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama long story short she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is A child molester no one was paying her any mind and was really confused on
what the hell was going on when Mary left and Jessica and I went home I asked Jessica what the hell happened she said that when they were kids Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her I asked if it's true and Jessica was stuttering a lot she said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out I asked if she is admitting That she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter she said
he doesn't do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life and he apolog to Mary so there's nothing else anyone can do for Mary I was honestly appalled I also feel so terrible for Mary Jessica made it seemed like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family I could have never imagined that this is what happened I asked if She expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me saying I'm judging him off something
that happened two decades ago and whether I like it or not he is going to be our child's Grandpa and he will be in their lives I said if she insists on it I think we need to hold off off on having kids and have serious conversations about it she's extremely angry at me but I don't know how I could better react to be Honest this feels like a huge deal that she is minimizing AA relevant comments commenter NTA and run please talk to someone from rain they are an organization for victims of sexual assault
this is not something minor like occasionally being crabby with your kids on the mornings you have a migraine this is a crime I know a victim of child sexual abuse and many years later in thousands of dollars in therapy this woman is still hurting you need to get Out now op I wish I could accurately describe how Mary looked and sounded when she was going off on her siblings that day it actually sent shivers down my spine she looked so angry but so defeated at the same time all while they were all looking at her
like she was crazy I still can't wrap my head around it I want to reach out to her and check if she's all right but I don't know how appropriate that will be commenter NTA someone who has glossed over child Station would she want to leave a future child of yours with Grandpa for the night that's chilling and once you have kids even if you divorced her for this later you couldn't get full custody over this if Grandpa never went to prison for it and isn't a convicted sex offender it's awful all the way around
I can't believe you've been married 2 years before you even hear this story op that's exactly what I was thinking he never went to prison never been reported To the police at all and there's no proof of what he did so I would have no case and no power to keep him away from our children I don't want to feel helpless in what happens to my children I don't want to fail them like that I don't think I should even have them with her at any point now that this has all come to light comment
her and I bet she did everything she could to hide this from him their whole relationship o I think this is a huge part of why I'm so Angry at her she had so many opportunities to tell me there are instances where she had to have actively gone out of her way to keep this entire thing for me and if Mary hadn't shown up to their brother's birthday party I would have still been in the dark top comment NTA pedophiles rarely retire there is no consensus bought on aita but top comments were NTA this is
still one of the most popular posts of all time on the aita sub update post it's been Nearly a year since my initial post so I thought I would give an update a few days after my original post I sat Jessica down and told her how I was feeling I told her I'm not okay with what she and her family had done to Mary they knew what their dad had done to her but still chose to take his side and make Mary look crazy I told her I'm also not okay with brushing her father's crimes
under the rug she was quiet and didn't say anything she didn't try to Defend herself or her family she was just staring at me in a very chilling way almost like she was indifferent to whatever I had to say and just wanted it to be over I told her I needed time to myself and I would leave and think about what I wanted to do suddenly she was paying attention she seemed shocked and panicked she started begging me not to leave saying I'll get over over it in a few days when we get back to
how we usually are and things settle down she Said all families have skeletons in their closet and that this can't Define our marriage I said no and I left the house for a few days I ignored all her calls and those of her family I reached out to Mary on Facebook I wrote her a lengthy message about how I had no idea all she had been through and that I'm so sorry for how her family treated her I told her to reach out to me if she ever needs anything she got back to me and
asked if we could meet for coffee we met Up the day after at first it was small talk then she asked if I would be okay if she told me her version of events I said of course I would and she spoke to me about it everything her dad did and how her family treated her after she told them I felt physically sick she even told me stories about how Jessica told her friends that Mary has a mental condition that causes hallucinations and that just in case Mary starts rumors about their family that's why a
lot of People still believe Mary has a mental condition because of Jessica I knew after that talk that I had to end things with Jessica I went over to our house and told her I want a divorce I told her I cannot stand the thought of being her husband and a part of their disgusting family all she did was cry and ask all this for her I knew then that she hadn't changed she was still the same person that did all of those things to Mary and she was still doing them we're still not Officially
divorced but we haven't been together since and we are going through the process it's just taking longer than I thought to get it finalized Mary and I became friends I invited her to a birthday dinner my my family were hosting for me and she hit it off with my cousin he's crazy about her and she seems really happy with him too he keeps asking me if it would be too early to propose and I have to tell him to not scare her away loel but they have a Really wholesome relationship and I'm really happy for
them as for me I'm just surviving divorces are tough but I know I made the right choice thank you to everyone that responded and gave me advice I really appreciate it relevant comments comment one WTF did I read now now do all families have skeletons this is not a skeleton this is a whole Cemetery reply family skeletons are usually benign trivial even benol at least in my family they are this is a Full-on family conspiracy to make Mary look like she's lost her mind while shielding a pedophile [ __ ] yeah o made the right
call to walk away from this mess mine aren't benign but they're either just weird or alcoholism drug abuse untreated mental illness Etc like the normal amount of [ __ ] up or maybe a little more but like not defending a pedophile more just sympathy for addicts comment too all she did was cry and ask all this for her the fact she has an Issue with Mary but not her father being a pedophile just shows that this lady is a piece of trash she can seriously [ __ ] off comment three either that or be all
shocked about it like who could have predicted such an unexpected outcome how could she have possibly known this would happen comment four I'm dis disgusted to be in the same Asylum as her signed my petition to have Jessica reclassified as a segmented worm
