let's play a game of word association one of the first words that pop into your mind when i say networking dull maybe superficial awkward sales people networking has a stigma of being an environment in which people online or offline are faking the best version of themselves into in order to convince other people to do business with them as quickly as possible and yet despite this negative stereotype it is still seen as one of the most crucial skills in the toolkit of most professions especially if you have ambitions for career progression and even more so if
you're starting your own business personally i realized the value of networking around five years ago when i became a student member of the institute of directors it was here that i learned to network professionally and then through linkedin local i learned to make it meaningful and i believe that developing this skill meaningful networking is the primary reason that i have not had to apply for a single job role in over five years despite changing careers and industries and climbing the career ladder several times i've had opportunities come through former colleagues through people i've met at
events and once most ridiculously whilst i was on a first date in an indian restaurant called mangoes i'll tell you about that one at the end so stick around the point is opportunities have seemingly fallen into my lap in a way that continues to baffle myself and my friends and family and has earned me the reputation for being lucky what i would like to share with you today is why i believe that meaningful networking has been the single greatest contributor to my good luck and some stories that i hope will help you to transform superficial
and surface level interactions into meaningful opportunities to form genuine connections because networking and the importance of networking is something that is drilled into us from a surprisingly early age you know we hear sayings like your network is your net worth and it's not what you know it's who you know these sayings are a recognition that almost all opportunities that fall into the laps of the lucky have come through a person who knows them let me say that again almost all luck comes through other people see i believe that luck is an active process yes random
chance plays a role but it is massively influenced by the people who know you like how did i come to be standing here today doing a tedx and i mapped out every person i had to meet to be here and there are a surprising number of ways that this might never have happened so many conversations that each which i had to take seriously regardless of who i was talking to going way back to a single conversation with a student at a university networking event over four years ago that if i hadn't taken him seriously i
wouldn't have been here you have to be consistent with your approach to networking because in order to be in the right place at the right time you first have to be out there to be found some opportunities will slap you in the face and ask if you're paying attention but most of them look within the nuances of a conversation that must be carefully uncovered you need to be prepared for both of these extremes and everything in between the two because consistent networking can increase your chances of positive occurrences especially if you didn't inherit a network
from your family or from your school so it's important now if i were to ask you what's the hardest part of networking what would you say and i asked my linkedin network this question and most people particularly young people say that they find starting a conversation with a stranger the hardest and there is no doubt that this is incredibly awkward for everyone including me you know that the butterflies you get in the stomach that i have right now um that you know when you make that dreaded eye contact and say hi [Music] ultimately it's the
prospect of rejection that drives this fear what if they say they don't want to talk to me and this is where the magical context of networking steps in to reassure us just say hello this other person has literally come to this place with the intention of meeting new people your chances of social rejection have never been lower like i remember being at my first psychology social as a plymouth university fresher and it was an aquarium of all places and i spent the first 45 minutes or so walking around by myself sipping champagne staring at fish
getting gradually more lonely and then i realized hang on a minute if i'm feeling this way chances are all of these other people who are walking around by themselves are feeling exactly the same thing and that realization gave me the confidence to approach my first person and we formed a group that then spent the rest of the evening finding anyone else who was by themselves and inviting them to join us and let me tell you the look of relief on their faces when we did was incredible and i've still got many good friends that i
met that night because you see these environments have naturally attracted a group of people who want to talk to you so throw yourself into it experiment with different ways of introducing yourself and your confidence will naturally build treat it like a rejection free social playground and have fun with it so we've managed to say hello but now how do we make this conversation meaningful and memorable i've got various tips for this but ultimately what it boils down to is curiosity and actually giving a so when i'm networking i play a game how fast can i
find something about this person that i find genuinely fascinating usually this will be whatever they're most passionate about which might not be their job it's often not if i fail to find it it's because i didn't ask good enough questions we've all experienced it you know when you ask that question and it lights a spark in the eyes of the other person and the conversation comes alive it is your job in any networking interaction to light that fire in the other person and to do that you're gonna have to do more than just asking what
their job title is you know why do they enjoy their job what drove them to start that business these motivation-based questions will get you past social niceties show a genuine curiosity and people will always love that you asked and cared about you've got to care about the answer don't just be waiting for your turn to speak now another part of networking that particularly students find challenging is finding yourself in a conversation with someone who is your professional superior and i struggled myself with this constantly as a student member of the iod you know what value
could i a mere student possibly bring to the ceos of companies right and for starters there's loads of value you can bring just look up reverse mentoring but the trick here really is to steer yourself onto familiar ground so for example picture the scene i'm a networking event and i'm a student so i'm making the most of the free wine and nibbles obviously and i finally get the courage to approach a guy who quickly reveals that he is a managing director of mercedes-benz uk and you know that moment where you already felt like you were
massively out of your depth merely by being in a room and then you find yourself going from here to here yeah that was me in that moment what could i possibly say to be interesting to this guy don't suppose there's any jobs going internships no fortunately i didn't embarrass myself by begging for a job instead my mind flipped immediately back to a marketing lecture i'd been in the day before and i simply said this is going to sound a bit random but i'm kind of curious to know how mercedes approach customer segmentation now the beauty
of a question like that beyond just being quite an interesting question is that one of two things will happen either you're about to learn something because they're going to school you in a practical application of something that you've just learned in theory or has happened to me you're going to have found your way to add meaningful input when he responds you know it's funny you mentioned that because we're actually working on a brand new strategy right now to try and figure out how to reposition ourselves with millennials bingo and so unfolds a stimulating discussion in
which i can have meaningful input simply because i read a textbook on it the day before and he hadn't meaning i might even have been more of an expert than him in the topic at that time so steer yourself onto familiar ground maybe even prime yourself with some topics before entering the room so the next part of networking is what most people who experience networking regularly will agree is the hardest part closing conversations awkward first things first a question for you let's say you're at a house party you're on a night out and someone starts
talking to you who let's just say not your type what do you say to get out of that conversation thought about it let me guess i just need to get another drink whilst you've got a full cocktail in hand or is it i need to go to the toilet again first things first please do not lie your way out of a conversation during a networking event people can tell and it will probably backfire on you because if you say you're going for a drink they'll probably come with you and if you say you're going to
go to the toilet there's only so many times you can do that before they will see you walk across the room and start a conversation with someone else or if you really commit and go to the toilet each time they may come away thinking you've got a bladder problem or worse a drinking problem but here's where the context of networking can step in to save us once again this other person literally came to this place to meet multiple new people same as you so just be honest about it but for what it's worth here are
a few tips of things that you can do to add value and close the conversation down step number one make an introduction especially if there's an area of mutual interest this is one of the easiest ways of having adding value that requires no expertise whatsoever they will always thank you for doing it and you can move on because they're about to go through exactly the same introductory conversations that you've already heard but let's say you don't have anyone to introduce them to yet what do you do then well ask them what person business or industry
are they interested in connecting with tonight and when they respond something like tech startups you say brilliant well if i meet any other tech startups here this evening i'll bring them over and introduce you you're going to get a genuine thank you straight away despite the fact that you've done bugger rule to help them yet and you can immediately follow and say well great i'll let you keep circling to meet new people and in the meantime i'll keep an eye out for tech startups for you at which point they're going to be delighted for you
to go and start new conversations because you're helping them by being on the lookout it's almost like you've done them a favor by ending the conversation magic so that's the hardest part out the way but arguably not the most important hopefully at this point you've built some rapport but it can all be for virtually nothing if you fail to follow up most often i start following up by reaching out with a personalized connection request on linkedin afterwards aft afterwards why personalized i mean we just met that night they know it's me they're going to accept
why bother personalizing and there are two good reasons to always always do this number one you can continue building the relationship by remarking back on something that struck you from your conversation like i don't know i really enjoyed discussing how we might reposition mercedes with millennials for example they're probably going to reply to a message like that and the conversation will continue but the second and perhaps even more important reason is that this now acts as a permanent reminder for both you and them of who you are how you met and some key things from
your conversation this future context setter is gold dust if you end up wanting to follow up with them in a year or two's time with an ask or just to arrange a call they're going to remember who you are and they're going to be much more likely to give you the time of day as a result plus if you see them at another networking event and you can't remember the detail whip out your linkedin app look them up and hey presto you've jogged your memory i have used this trick to save my skin countless times
and i am painfully aware that i'm giving away one of my best tricks here so let me just apologize in advance if you catch me doing this on you as a networking event and even more if i forget your name because i'm rubbish with them so apologies i am trying i promise well right back at the start i promised you that i would tell you the story of how i got a job uh when i was on a first date in an indian restaurant and i'll stay true to my word because as weird opportunities go
i'm to struggle to beat it in just sheer surrealness so i'm on the date and it's three days before the eu referendum which is an important piece of context because inevitably we started talking about it and me being the constant theorist and enthusiast i was setting out what i thought was going to happen and why i was wholeheartedly wrong by the way but fortunately that doesn't matter for the story because the next thing we know we suddenly hear excuse me but i couldn't help but overhear your conversation and as i look up and see a
white middle-aged balding man my stomach drops because straight away i'm thinking oh god i'm on a first date and i'm about to get into a heated debate with a complete stranger about brexit this is going to make for a fantastic first impression but fortunately that's not what he said instead he simply said i have no idea what you do but i like the way you're putting your thoughts together i own a business near here and if you're ever on the lookout for work give me a call with that he gives me his business card he
walks straight out the restaurant leaving us stunned until eventually my date broke the silence by saying did you set that up to be impressive or do you always get offered jobs when you go out to dinner now weird as it is to say these kinds of surreal lucky serendipitous opportunities will come your way more and more if you get consistent with building meaningful networks and relationships over a long period of time i myself it's how i come to stand here today as a 28 year old who is director of digital and community for the planet
mark who consistently collaborates on a weekly basis with the disney's form of head of innovation and creativity and now i'm doing a bloody tedx talk yes i continue to pinch myself how is this possible think about it compound interest when we first start work we are told to invest in our pensions as early as possible it's drilled into us invest in your pensions because the earlier and the more consistently you invest the more valuable it will become thanks to the miracle of compound interest i would like to suggest to you that the same is true
of relationships and networks the earlier you start investing and the more consistently you invest in them the more valuable they will become for you and not just in a crude financial sense but in terms of the friendships the emotional support and the wider opportunities that people that you meet will bring to you and this is why i believe that meaningful networking is the most important skill that we can teach to people particularly young people because it gives them the opportunity to create lasting relationships with people who will remember who they are what they're good at
and the fact that they took the time to be curious about things beyond their job title so get out there head out to a networking event near you online or offline it's coveted season after all put these skills into practice and then follow up with me with a personalized message on linkedin to let me know how you got on thank you
