knowing who i am creates a standard in me i will not accept anything lower than who i am you don't have your own internal standard of what you think is right what is acceptable you will mirror your standards with the world person with standards has no problem with leaving or being left and one thing about men is that they actually respect a woman that says no to them men don't like easy women hey guys welcome back to my channel hope you guys are doing well i want to first start off by saying shout out to
you guys for going crazy on my last video you guys went crazy on the likes you guys went crazy in the comments you guys went crazy on the view so thank you guys so much in that video i did say that i was going to speak on how to have rock solid standards and how to enforce your boundaries so today that is what we are going to be talking about but as always i've got something for y'all hey guys as many of you can see i have been on quite an intense diet as i have
dropped the weight as you can see i'll tell you guys about that a little later however because i have been eating a lot less than usual i'm finding that i'm not getting the nutrients that i need in my body and my friends keep saying really need to get some vitamins you can take some supplements i'm like oh my god i don't know about you guys but i really really really really hate having to take multiple multiple multiple vitamins because i hate like having to swallow it however i was recently introduced to these bad boys these
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for your body because as we know health is wealth and you never really realize that until it's gone so you get 20 off of your first month by going to the link in my description box below and using my code at the checkout which is now on the screen right here all right guys let's get back into it so there's a few angles i could take this video with and i am going to be speaking to dating i'm going to speak into relationships but you can apply it to whether family friends whoever you have to
set standards and create boundaries with you can apply to anybody but i'm going to specifically be talking about the dating streets and basically how not to be taken advantage of someone said in my last video that a moral of the story was don't be easy and ultimately i think there are a lot of men getting away with a lot of things because we are making it too easy for them a way not to be easy is to have standards but not only to have standards but to actually stick by them i feel like some people
don't struggle with having standards they have trouble with enforcing those standards when it comes to it and i've found of a lot of people even myself i can have these high standards but i know inside me if let's say there's a season where i've been feeling super lonely or i feel unseen or unlovable or invalidated and someone came along that did not measure up to my standards but they were showing me the attention that i needed at a time i would actually drop my standards in order to accommodate them and i would end up getting
hurt so if that has been your experience i have come here i've come here to help you guys today now i'm gonna kind of use the term standards and boundaries interchangeably but to be honest they're kind of similar they're kind of the same thing but i will start off by saying that a standard is the bare minimum right it's the minimum requirement okay so let's say that you went for a job interview and they were like uh the standard is that you must wear this uniform that is our policy our standard is for some companies
you can't have your hair in certain hairstyles like colors or whatever that's all another story but companies have standards of you know conduct they have standards of dressing they have standards right and so the standard is the minimum right it's the minimum that they will accept standard is just the base level where everybody is protected right if a company were to lower their standards it would go against everything that they believe in so i think it's important that we understand what a standard is okay so when it comes to dating or relationships or relating to
someone of the opposite sex a standard is who you are what you desire what is acceptable and what is unacceptable this is a standard right so let's start off with who you are okay so ultimately we all have value right we have value because god has given us value period but the problem is a lot of us don't know that we're valuable we don't know how valuable we are we don't know our worth we don't know our value right and so from that place of knowing who you are you know what you want desire what
you need in order to feel safe and in order to feel protected having standards as well tells people what is acceptable and is also unacceptable if you don't have a moral compass or a firm understanding and belief of what is right what is suitable what is meant to be like for example some people don't actually have a rock-solid understanding of what love truly is they didn't see it growing up they haven't experienced it they don't have people in their life that truly love them that truly respect them so you get with someone and you meet
someone and their idea the person's idea of love is actually abuse it's being nonchalant it's being laid back because maybe that's the way that they saw their father loving their mother it was just well i'm i'm here and i when you ask them but do you love me he'll say oh i'm here aren't i right because their standard or their idea of love is what they've seen with their parents so people have standards based on what they know and what they're aware of they have standards based on their upbringing they have standards based on what
they see around them and the problem of our generation is that the standards in general for women are very very low right so if you don't have your own internal standards if you don't have your own internal morals you'll look around and want to emulate the standards of those around you whether that's your friends whether that's your peers whether that's the people that you talk to or people on social media or the celebrities that you look up to you don't have your own internal standard of what you think is right what is acceptable you will
mirror your standards with the world with society with social media and that is a sure way to get yourself in a lot of trouble because you do not know whether that is a good standard or not and just because 10 000 people like this comment or 10 000 people like this post does not mean that's what that person is doing what that person is accepting is actually right so that's why it's important to know who you are and call it ego call it arrogance call it she thinks she's too this she thinks she's too bad
i don't give a damn knowing who i am creates a standard in me that i will not accept anything lower than who i am when it comes to dating when it comes to relationships knowing who you are is number one knowing what you want and what you desire is number two it's so important that we know what we are looking for so that when it comes along we can judge what we want and what we desire with what has presented itself to us without your standards call it a list call it whatever without knowing what
you want and what you need and what you desire anyone can come along there is no standard there is no there's nothing to judge this person if you are not aware of what you want need and desire in a person and what you want and what you need can sometimes be different a lot of times we're putting what we want before what we need i may need someone that is supportive in the way that is verbal i need them to be consistently supported as in in every single conversation you may need someone that's supportive but
they don't need to tell you all the time they don't need to be with you for everything join me so that knowing what you need is going to be different from what i need it's going to be difficult what she needs is going to be different from what she needs and it's important that you know what you need and what you want in order to feel safe because everything comes back to feeling safe feeling secure in that situation whether it's dating or in a relationship and thirdly knowing what is unacceptable these things are still breakers
right the deal is off if you break this deal breakers what is unacceptable what's unacceptable to me is cheating abuse physical mental spiritual financial any form of abuse is unacceptable if i've just met somebody and they are showing me that they are abusive their language if i see that they've got a wandering eye if i'm with them and they're flirting with other people that's a deal breaker that to me is unfreaking acceptable and you do not have to wait until you get into a relationship with someone in order to see these red flags and that's
why when you're dating someone you should be not drunk in love you should be collecting data you should be interviewing people my antennas are so heistened right now that i only need to have one conversation with a person to know whether that person will be a great fit for me because one i know myself two i know what i want and what i need and number three i know it's unacceptable right so instead of going ahead and getting yourself into situation time and time again how about you stop and think about your standards think about
who the hell you are think about what you want and need and thinking about what is unacceptable you must have deal breakers everything can't run and everything can't go and either one of these things who you are what you need and what is unacceptable is out of whack you're gonna find yourself in the same situation time and time again settling for dusty dusty men allowing them in in the last video i use the analogy of i cannot control someone knocking at my door but i can control whether i let them in whether they let them
sit on my couch wherever i let them eat my food i don't have to let them in even if they knock at my door and that goes back to what i was saying sometimes as women we may find ourselves in seasons of feeling lonely feeling desperate feeling like you just want a relationship and anyone will do wanting companionship so you just lower your standards and i need you not to do that i need you to start finding ways to combat those feelings because what we have to understand is all of those things i just mentioned
are feelings they're not facts nobody's ever alone and even if you are lonely there's other healthier ways to get those needs met and open the door for a dusty guy and you know has no right to ever be in your space and i want to kind of let you guys in on something that happens when a guy approaches you and you open the door right you gotta think about it like this men when they approach you expect to be rejected especially the ones that know that you are completely out of their league but for whatever
reason you decide to not reject them they're gonna be shocked like does she see herself does she see who she is does she see like who i am but because of the reasons i listened before loneliness low self-esteem feeling unseen etc etc you're gonna open the door like this guy has already assessed that you are out of his league and so he is shocked that you would even lower your standards to even let him in and that's when the disrespect happens because men don't know what to do with good things especially when they know deep
down they're not good their intentions are not good and i do not mean you any good so i've spoken about standards now i want to talk to you guys about boundaries okay so the reason why people do not respect you is because you don't have any boundaries and the reason why you don't have any boundaries is because you want to be liked you want to be accepted you don't want to be rejected so you say to yourself okay if i don't have any boundaries if i'm a yes person if i allow that person to do
whatever they want to do then i won't be rejected they'll accept me they will like me they will love me because who's not going to love someone that's seen yes sir no sir free bag full sir and for people like that you are more concerned with being light than actually protecting yourself because that's what boundaries do they protect you if you want a visual an analogy of this look at a neighborhood right a neighborhood dividing each house is a fence it's a boundary it shows this is my house and this is your house so my
fences my gates they protect my property if somebody came in i did not allow they would be called tres passers right so a lot of us who don't have boundaries and i'm not sure if you've ever been in a community or houses that don't have gates or they don't have fences or don't have any fences or they don't have strong fences you will notice that a lot of let's say the litter in the street makes its way into that person's driveway because there's no fences there's no protection keeping those things out and ultimately your boundaries
are going to keep out a lot of trash because don't feel bad that trash is coming to you trash is going to try it's not a reflection of you and that's one thing that we have to understand as well as women if you're an attractive person you're going to get a lot of attention if you're average you're gonna get average attention right once a month once a week whatever right but if you are getting a lot of the same thing do not see that as a reflection of you see that as because you are attractive
a light i've got a light in front of me this was outside and it was dark there'll be a lot of flies attracted to that light because it is so right it's attractive it's beautiful right two flies so you're going to attract a lot of things right but just because you attract them does not mean you entertain them and that is a big difference okay we do not entertain flies we do not entertain trash we do not entertain dogs we keep our stands up and i don't care if you tell me i'm bougie i don't
care if you tell me i'm scush i don't even care if you call me ugly i said no i'm good like we're good i don't have to tell you in the mean way well you need to respect that i said no this is not going to happen so boundaries when you have when you have boundaries you know how to speak up and to stick up for your self you don't care if someone's going to say that person she's not friendly she's not this she's not that she's not that she's not this and a lot of
men male egos will be bruised when you tell them no because men don't like rejection they've been probably rejected all of their lives it may trigger them to a moment when they was in high school and when their crush said no to them and they may start to flare up and react and start manifesting but that's not your problem you have the right to say yes and to say no to whoever you choose to you don't have to let everybody into your life and you don't have to feel bad for saying no you don't have
to feel bad even if it's a good guy right even if the guy is a good guy right someone that is noble is godly or whatever and you are not attracted to them don't feel bad for not being attracted to them i know that i'm not everybody's cup of tea as many guys that are attracted to me there are many more guys that aren't attracted to me and i have to be okay with that i'm not gonna be everyone's cup of tea everybody gets rejected at the end of the day because ultimately i'm not looking
for a bag of man i'm looking for one and i'm sure he's not looking for a better girl looking for one so let's take away the offense of being rejected because it just means that it's not a right fit right so if a guy comes up to you he has on pay for all the things but you don't click with him don't feel bad and don't feel like okay well he's better than the last person and i think what trips a lot of women up is that they're always saying that well this person is better
than my ex so you open the door no that's wrong because your ex is not the standard clearly he's not the standard right so just because you meet someone that is better than the last person that you was with does not mean that this person is asked for you and ultimately we are trying to find the best person for us so keep your boundaries keep your standards and keep them high another thing that goes against or makes people lower their standards is wanting to please and i can say for me in my last relationship there
are certain things i did not say there are certain things i did not say no to because i wanted to please that person i wanted to be a good girlfriend so instead of saying no or putting my foot down or speaking up for myself i just was trying to please trying to please and ultimately in that trying to please you're never gonna be good enough because you're never gonna do enough because you're not even respecting yourself and one thing about men is that they actually respect a woman that says no to them men don't like
easy men don't like easy women if they're trying to smash of course they like easy women but men don't respect women that don't say no there has you have to have a standard you can't be so set on someone not rejecting you or someone staying with you that you reject all of your standards because that's going to be detrimental in the end because you gonna feel violated because i didn't have any standards i didn't have any boundaries and if you let's say back to the analogy of your house when you don't have boundaries like i
remember um in my childhood home we used to have trouble with like people coming and sitting on at the front of our house like we used to have a school at the end of our road and it wasn't a gate it was a bit of like a bit of wall and and then the driveway and then obviously the neighbor but there's a little bit of wall so people use the children to come home from school and they used to like gather outside of my house and they used to sit on the wall like to me
that felt like a violation of our house or could you blame them when we don't have a gate there's no gate on there there's no fence it's just a little piece of like i don't know rock or not rock but you know what i mean these come and sit there but the problem of not having boundaries is that you end up feeling violated when you've let everybody in when you've let everybody walk on all over you when you've let this person do and say whatever they please you're gonna feel violated and you're gonna be actually
very angry when that relationship ends because ultimately the relationship is going to end because people don't respect people that don't have standards people don't respect people that don't have boundaries and that is what it is and so when you don't have boundaries you are constantly bending to the desire of the other person constantly bending to what they want bending to their knees as opposed to standing up straight like no this is who i am this is what i want this is what i accept this is what i don't accept like it or leave it and
a person with boundaries a person with standards has no problem with leaving or being left i think for women we need to overcome the fear of being left the fear of abandonment because i think that's what keeps us in situations longer than we need to be i want you guys to think of a woman in your life whether someone that you know someone that you see a far off or someone that you don't even know but you know that they have strong standards strong boundaries and they are very firm sometimes you may look at them
like oh my god that person is never going to be in a relationship that person's standards are so high or that person is too rigid but ultimately you see them having every single thing that they want i know one person in my life i know one person in my life who i can say like she doesn't tolerate anything we should joke and say who's gonna marry this girl and lo and behold she's married and she's happy because she has standards and she wasn't trying to let everybody in in order to seem like a nice girl
or good girl no you can be nice and have standards we are more interested in being respected and we are with being light when we think of the word nice what does nice mean nice doesn't mean anything nice is not even a real descriptive word nice just means that you you let people walk all over you when you describe a nice person you're describing someone that they're non-threatening they will do what you say they're always ready to bend over backwards for you nice doesn't mean anything and nice people get walked all over however people with
standards and boundaries are respected even when they say no think about that person even when they say no you're like i gotta respect it i might not like it but i gotta respect it so when you do not have the fear of being disliked rejected left abandoned you can really stand boldly in those boundaries again i'll say what causes us to remove our boundaries lower our standards is a sense of rejection so if we can get to the raw underneath truth of that rejection i like to say that person is not rejecting me my destiny
is rejecting them like when something doesn't work out these days especially with someone that i'm talking to i do not trip i see as a blessing from god that this was not my person this was not my husband and this was actually a protection for me i will never feel crushed i may feel hurt may feel disappointed but i'll never feel crushed if someone decides to leave me decides to reject me i understand that my destiny is so important that my destiny is rejecting that person and in turn they are rejecting me so yeah hear
me well it's impossible for a people-pleaser to have standards and to have boundaries because a people-pleaser is more concerned with being liked and they are being respected and you can think of a people-pleaser in your life right yeah you like them they're nice like they'll be there for you they'll do what you say that you want them to do they'll drop everything and come and run to your rescue they really get angry you rarely hear the word no from them to summarize you know even though it's not right you know that you can push your
luck with them the problem is though subconsciously you start to lose respect for that person you lose respect for someone that will drop everything at all times for you because there's nothing wrong with people that drop what they're doing for you but all the damn time that person never tells you no like secretly you start losing respect for them because truthfully as humans we respect things that have boundaries and we respect things that have limits let me use an analogy for you guys okay you go into a louis vuitton store right the ambiance is just
right the music is nice everything is clean they've got the bag positioned exactly where they want them to there's probably going to be about four or five people max in the store including you there's gonna be about one or two security guards at the door the ambiance is very mellow it's very low it screams luxury when you pick up a bag or shoe you pick it up with care you look at it you look at the price you'll handle it so carefully so carefully oh okay a bit too much but you want to put that
back respectfully even if it's too much you're going to put it back respectfully why because that item has value you're going to handle it accordingly alternatively you go into a primark if you're in europe or a target if you're in in the states and you see a bag that these bags are probably made in the same factory as the one you would photon but anyway you go there and these bands are cheap there's multiple bags out the store is noisy there's multiple people around there's no ambience you're one of many there's tussling so there's bags
there's loads and loads of bag there's not just one on display you're picking up the bag or flinging it over flinging it over your shoulder you're checking out in the mirror you're man handling the bag you go and you're like oh ten dollars you don't respect that bag picking it up you're throwing it down it's the same item right it's a bag right but you've had two different experiences at the two different stores so what stopped you from treating the louis vuitton bag like the primark bag or the target bag number one value your perceived
so the value of the louis vuitton bag anywhere from 1 000 to 3 000 pounds right it's got value the one i target anywhere from five pounds to 25 pounds max the bag that we consider valuable and a bag that we consider unvaluable we treat them differently secondly your experience right go into louis vuitton store there's a standard there you know you can't be picking up back the bag and dropping it and treating it like you're in primark you'll get escorted out that store pronto there's there's a standard that louis vuitton there's not really a
stock a standard at target or primary you can pick up bags take off shirts or the other rail pick them all up dash them back there's no standard in these stores so you treat them accordingly another thing the atmosphere right the atmosphere is peaceful right the atmosphere screams luxury you go to target you go to primark there's an atmosphere but meh the workers are working nobody's really looking at you in louis vuitton store you feel like you're stealing something whenever you go in there because there's a lot of attention on you because you're one of
four people in the store however no one can see you can even start stealing the stuff because no one's on your back like that right lastly boundaries and the standards that they have you go into some designer stores the bags are locked in compartments they're not even just out on display it's them especially they're really expensive ones they're not going to put them out on display so they have boundaries so you operate with those bags those shoes those scarfs differently and the ones that are just on display or hung up in primark or target right
so value atmosphere experience boundaries these are all ways that people experience you when people experience you do they experience you as a target or do they experience you as a louis vuitton store because this is real right and the thing is we have the power to present however we want do you present as your target or primark or do you present as you louis vuitton and the only real difference is i understand my value i'm not cheap i'm very expensive right this is beyond my physical appearance this is my mind this is my internal worth
this is my love this is my kindness this is my gentleness is my spirit this is my soul this is how i treat people it's all my value my value my value i'm very expensive dear i'm very expensive so when you come to me come correct because i'm very expensive there so what are you are you targeting are you primark while you're doing photon are you sure now you have to make that up in your mind and decide today because people will treat you accordingly so people can't just come into my life talking rubbish treating
me anyhow violating my trust it's free stressing you're out i don't waste time i don't care if i don't have any friends it's free stretching you out i do not care i'm less tolerable in romantic relationships than i am friendships i'll give my friends free free chances i'll give a guy one two max fool me once shame on you for me twice shame on me so you have to decide that today i'm gonna be a louis vuitton store and i'm gonna put the necessary boundaries around me and yes it might make me lonely when you
go to these designer stores you go to the strips you go to these places there's not a lot of people in there there's not a lot of people in these stores because they're looking for quality over quantity they don't care about the quality of their customers they just care that there's customers in these stores they have a completely totally different ethos than the louis vuitton store the louis vuitton store does not care that there's only five people in their store at time because they're looking for quality over quantity and that's what you need to look
for in your life whether that's friends family or relationship dating look for quality over quantity just because there's a lot of men chasing this girl down does not mean that there's quality there that does mean that her standards are so low that she'll accept anybody raise your standards to the standard of where you are at raise your standard to the level of your value people will respect what you respect there's no getting around this people will respect what you respect and it ends the day and if you and this is why i don't really agree
with the whole rating system right you will get what you believe if you believe you're a seven you act like a seven you'll get your equal if you believe you are nine or ten you act like a nine you behave like a nine you will get your nine right so there's people that are deeply valuable that are worth it that have slow self-esteem they don't believe it they don't believe that they're worth what they're worth so they always get low because their bar is so low so finally i want to say what boundaries are so
you can establish your own boundaries it's hard for me to tell you what your boundaries should be or your boundaries are because i'm not you and you're not me i would suggest that we all have higher standards when it comes to romantic relationships who we let in number one boundaries are clear i wish i could physically have something i could define as a boundary in this house yo it's so hot i'm sweating guys i'm recording this video because i love you because what the hell so boundaries are clear when you see a boundary in a
road you know that you can you can drive here but you can't drive here boundaries are clear okay and when you're enforcing your boundaries you need to enforce it with a straight face like you actually take your own boundary seriously there's nothing worse than a girl acting like oh no i don't now don't talk to me like that there's nothing worse than sending mixed messages when you're trying to enforce a boundary do you have a boundary or are you pretending to have a boundary and you need to say it with a straight face and it
needs to be serious and needs to be clear again boundaries are confident they don't shake they don't move we've all been to a club where there's a bounce on the door that is not moving have your id where is your id you're wearing trainers you're not getting in these boundaries are clear and concise that's how you need to be with yours you need to be confident let your voice not be shaking when you're enforcing your boundaries don't let your voice shake be firm in them and one thing that you need to do is practice practice
practice practice saying no practice rejecting especially for my people pleasers practice rejecting guys you have to it doesn't make you a bad person to reject someone no is a complete sentence period and so is period so bounds are clear and they are confident so that's it for today's video i hope you have understood why it's important to have standards how to have rock solid standards and boundaries and to enforce them like i said what gets in the way of us not having no standards is our own emotions and i feel the difference between men and
women is that men are ruled by principles that's why they won't take back a girl woman that's cheated because it's their principle right and i think a lot of women we have to become principled in our beliefs in our morals in our standards in our boundaries means become principal it needs to be so ingrained in us that we just don't tolerate dust we don't we pay dust dust like if i'm putting on the street certain guys if they call me i don't give them a time of day i'm sorry i'm so sorry but if you're
riding down the road and a guy beeps his horn at you or someone whistles at you you're quick to turn your head don't do that if someone cat calls you don't turn your head because you're not talking to me baby you are not talking to me you're not whistling at me do i look like a dog don't whistle at me that's it for today's video don't forget to give us a like thumbs up subscribe to the channel and i shall see you guys in my next video bye guys
