Keanu Reeves Takes The Colbert Questionert

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, I'M BACK HERE WITH KEANU REEVES. KEANU YOU'RE ALWAYS GREAT TO TALK TO. >> THAT'S KIND.

>> Stephen: AND IT'S ALWAYS AN HONEST CONVERSATION, AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION, WITH REALLY SURPRISING ANSWERS. EVERYBODY LOVES SEEING YOU. BUT HERE'S THE THING IS THAT PEOPLE THINK I GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE THAT I'M INTERVIEWING, AND IT'S SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME TO ACTUALLY PENETRATE TO THE SOUL.

>> SURE. >> Stephen: OF A HUMAN BEING. AND I REALLY WANT TO KNOW MY GUESTS ON A DEEPER LEVEL.

SO WHAT WE DID HERE, "THE LATE SHOW"" LABS PUT TOGETHER A SERIES OF 15 QUESTIONS. >> OKAY. >> Stephen: AFTER WHICH, ONCE THESE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ASKED AND ANSWERED.

>> YEAH. >> Stephen: THE GUEST IS KNOWN FULLY. >> OH, THE WHOLE THING.

>> Stephen: THEY ARE FULLY KNOWN. >> THE WHOLE 15 QUESTIONS! >> Stephen: 15 QUESTIONS.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ACTUALLY ARE ONE OF THE MAJOR INSPIRATIONS FOR DOING THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT, BECAUSE SEVERAL YEARS AGO I ASKED YOU A QUESTION ONE OF THE QUESTIONS I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU. I HAVE YOUR ANSWER HERE. BUT I'LL GET TO IT.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THE ANSWER YOU GAVE US FROM ONE OF THESE QUESTIONS, JUST A RANDOM QUESTION I ASKED YOU IN AN INTERVIEW, ACTUALLY LED TO THE QUESTIONNAIRE AND PEOPLE WILL KNOW IT WHEN I GET TO IT. ARE YOU READY TO BE KNOWN, KEANU REEVES? >> ABSOLUTELY NOT.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: KEANU REEVES. >> YES. >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?

>> BEST SANDWICH, YOU MEAN, LIKE, FOR ME? ( LAUGHTER ). >> Stephen: WHO ELSE WOULD YOU ANSWER FOR?

( LAUGHTER ). >> I DON'T KNOW, YOU COULD SET UP AT YOUR LAB A WHOLE KIND OF, YOU KNOW, WHAT WOULD GO INTO THE BEST SANDWICH-- BALANCE OF FLAVORS AND -- >> Stephen: THAT IS A VALID-- THAT IS A VALID, IF HOSTILE RESPONSE. >> OKAY, I'LL ANSWER THE QUESTION.

I'LL ANSWER THE QUESTION -- >> Stephen: FOR YOU, KEANU REEVES. I WANT TO KNOW YOU. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW SANDWICHES.

TO KEANU REEVES, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH, SIR? >> TODAY I'M GOING TO CHOOSE TOASTED CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER WITH A-- TOAST-- CRUNCHY PENET BUTTER WITH HONEY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: BOLD. >> YEAH. SWEET AND SAVORY AND CRUNCH.

>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE ONE THING THAT YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW OUT? >> OH, GOSH. ONE THING I OWN THAT I SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT?

I SHOULD REALLY THROW IT AWAY, REEVES! WHAT'S IN YOUR-- WHAT-- IT'S SO DIFFICULT FOR ME TO THROW THINGS AWAY. I'M A BIT OF A PACK RAT.

>> Stephen: LOOK AT YOUR ATTIC. LOOK AT YOUR GARAGE IN YOUR MIND. >> WHAT SHOULD I THROW AWAY?

I DON'T WANT TO THROW ANYTHING AWAY. YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER FOR THAT. IT'S TOO MUCH.

>> Stephen: DO YOU LIVE A SPARTAN LIFE? IS THERE NOTHING-- >> OBVIOUSLY, NOT. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, SO NOTHING.

EVERYTHING IS ESSENTIAL. >> IT IS RIGHT NOW. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?

>> SCARIEST ANIMAL? YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID, I ALWAYS-- SPIDERS. >> Stephen: YES, SIR.

>> SPIDER WITH THE THING AND -- >> Stephen: 100%. THAT IS A GOOD ANSWER. THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER.

>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES? >> APPLES. >> Stephen: YES, BECAUSE YOU CAN PUT CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER ON AN APPLE.

WHAT A COMBINATION. >> IT'S SO GOOD. IT'S SO GOOD.

>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH? >> YES. >> Stephen: MAY I ASK WHOM.

>> LOU REED. >> Stephen: DID YOU GET IT? >> YES, BUT IT WASN'T FOR ME.

IT WAS FOR A FRIEND. >> Stephen: IT WAS FOR A FRIEND, ALL RIGHT. >> AND HE WAS COOL ABOUT IT.

>> Stephen: LOU REED WAS COOL ABOUT IT? >> YES. >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT THE FRIEND?

>> IT WAS COOL. IT WAS A LITTLE PIECE OF PAPER AND BLUE INK. IT WAS GOOD.

IT JUST SAID, "LOU REED. " >> Stephen: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY DISAPPOINTING IF IT DIDN'T SAY LOU REED. >> IT COULD HAVE SAID, "ALL MY BEST.

" >> Stephen: WITH ADMIRATION, HAVE A GREAT SUMMER, DON'T EVER CHCHANGE. LOU REEDEAD. HAPPY HANUKKAH, LOU REED.

" THIS IS THE ONE I ASKED YOU BEFORE. >> I ASKED FOR ANOTHER ONE. GEORGE CARLIN.

>> Stephen: DID YOU GET CARLIN'S? I'M SO JEALOUS. I'M SUCH A FAN.

>> YEAH, YEAH. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL.

BUT, YEAH, HE GAVE ME AN AUTOGRAPH. >> Stephen: WOW. >> AND, YEAH.

>> Stephen: THAT WAS FOR YOU. >> UH, YEAH, BUT I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T SWEAR ON THIS SHOW, RIGHT? NO.

>> Stephen: YOU CAN SWEAR, SURE GO AHEAD. >> BUT IT WAS REALLY FUNNY, BECAUSE GEORGE CARLIN, HE-- HE WROTE-- WHAT DID HE WRITE. HE WROTE I THINK WAS, "DEAR KEANU ( BLEEP ) YOU.

" YEAH. >> Stephen: THAT'S PRETTY GREAT. >> YEAH.

( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: PRETTY GREAT. >> AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS -- >> Stephen: THAT'S VERY SWEET. >> AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE JUST WROTE THAT FOR ME.

AND THEN I MET SOMEONE ELSE WHO SAID THAT HE WROTE THE SAME THING TO THEM. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: SURE. >> YEAH!

ANYWAY. . .

BEAUTIFUL. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: SO THIS IS THE QUESTION I'VE ASKED YOU BEFORE THAT INSPIRED THE ENTIRE COLBERT QUESTIONERT SERIES. I ASKED YOU, "WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?

" AND YOU ANSWERED SEVERAL YEARS AGO. . .

>> I KNOW THAT THE ONES WHO LOVE US WILL MISUS. >> Stephen: WHICH IS A LOVELY ANSWER. WOULD YOU LIKE TO AMEND THAT ANSWER ANY WAY?

>> NO, I DON'T WANT TO AMEND THAT. YOU'RE ASKING ME AGAIN? >> Stephen: NO, WE CAN MOVE ON.

YOU'VE GIVEN ME THE ANSWER. >> OKAY. >> Stephen: THAT ONE HAS BEEN BANKED.

WE HAVE THAT ONE ON FILE. FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE? >> Stephen: OH, GOFN.

>> Stephen: AND YOU CAN BE IN IT. IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE IN IT. >> REALLY?

>> Stephen: YOU CAN NAME ONE OF YOUR OWN MOVIES. >> NO, BUT WHEN I WAS A KID, "ROLLER BALL. " >> Stephen: JAMES CAAN.

>> "JONATHAN! JONATHAN! " YEAH, VIOLENCE, GAME, SOCIAL COMMENTARY.

FANTASTIC. >> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE. >> WINDOW.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU DON'T MIND GETTING UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND MAKING THE PERSON ON THE AISLE TO STAND UP? >> I HAVE THE VIEW. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE VIEW, OKAY.

FAVORITE SMELL? >> TODAY I'M GOING TO PICK MY 1974 NORTON COMMANDO WHEN THE ENGINE WARMS UP WHEN YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN A GOOD GO. THE OIL IN THE ENGINE HEATS UP, AND THE SMELL THAT COMES OFF THE ENGINE IS REALLY GOOD.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I LIKE IT, I LIKE IT. THAT'S NICE. CATS OR DOGS, SIR?

>> DOGS. >> Stephen: DOGS? >> YEAH, BUT I'M STARTING TO REALLY LIKE THE CATS, THOUGH, TOO.

>> Stephen: YOU ONLY GET TO LISTEN TO ONE SONG FOR THE REST OF YDUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT? >> UH. .

. ONE SONG? I'M GOING TO TAKE JOY DIVISION'S "LOVE WILL TEAR US APART.

" >> Stephen: NICE. GOOD RESPONSE OVER THERE. WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?

>> SIX. >> Stephen: NO. >> THREE.

>> Stephen: YOULONLY GET ONE GUESS. DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS. >> WHAT?

( LAUGHTER ) WHAT KIND OF QUESTION -- >> Stephen: DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS. >> WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT. >> Stephen: IT'S NOT A QUESTION.

IT'S A DEMAND ( LAUGHTER ) THERE'S NO QUESTION MARK THERE. >> OKAY, WELL, THEN I'M GOING-- I'M GOING TO BE HOPEFUL. HEALTH.

LOVE. FRIENDSHIP. CREATE ART.

MOTORCYCLES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >>> Stephen: KEANU REEVES, YOU ARE KNOWN. CONGRATULATIONS.

>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: THANK YOU, KEANU. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) KEANU REEVES, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.