Every time that you walk into any room, there is a silent negotiation that's happening. And it's not about who is talking the most, who's the smartest, or who is in charge on paper. It's about something way more subtle and way more powerful.
It's the frame of the interaction. A frame is a lens that somebody's mind is using to understand what's happening, how they define the interaction. But the frame decides who matters, who has the power, who has the rules and what the rules are, and even how seriously that you are going to be taken.
You are either creating the frame or you're stepping into someone else's. There is no neutral ground. What is it that makes a frame stick?
What is it that makes it absorb someone else's frame? It's not your vocal volume. It's not charisma.
It's not energy. The person whose frame wins is the one who believes in their version of reality the most and reacts to the other person the least. Every frame has some kind of structure and there's more to this than just having confidence.
Every frame has four pieces that hold it together. We know the expectation there. That's what they think is pretty much going to happen.
This is an autopilot script running in their brain. So, if I walk into Starbucks, they expect me to order a coffee. If I sit down across from in a sales call, they expect a pitch.
Most people never challenge this. But if you can gently disrupt that expectation, you snap them out of autopilot. And that's your opening.
So, a key phrase to think about here is, you know what, let's do this a little bit differently. So, ask a question, maybe make a statement that somebody's not expecting, not to confuse them, but to snap their brain back into present moment. Then the second part of the frame is that person's belief and this is what they assume is true about the situation.
So we disrupt that person's belief not by overpowering but exceeding it. Their belief shifts, you know, before we get into any of that, what's actually important to you? So we just changed who they think they're talking to and it happened unconsciously.
Perception. This is the story they're telling themselves about you and the moment. And this is not what's true.
It's what feels true. In a boardroom, somebody might think, you know, I'm the smartest person in this meeting. So, the tactic here is I don't need to convince you you're stupid.
I need to convince you that those thoughts are not necessary here. Very, very, very big difference. You know, I don't need anything at all from this moment.
I just care about what's real. When their perception of you becomes more useful than the story, they switch automatically. the definition.
This is a person's role. It's the hardest part of a frame to shift. It's a defined truth that other people orient around.
If you break expectation, belief, and perception, the definition loses its power. That totally makes sense. Here's exactly what I'm seeing from where I sit.
We want to respect that definition, but the gravity shifts. Let's talk about rebuilding your personal frame when somebody else is trying to lead. First, we want to break expectation.
We want to do that with presence. And we want to reframe perception with really calm and grounded behavior. And we want to redefine the moment by acting like your presence sets the tone.
No fighting, no conflict, no argument. Just a cleaner, stronger signal that reshapes the room without needing control. Let me offer a different way of looking at this.
You know what? You seem like somebody who doesn't care for the usual routine. So, let's not waste any time.
But if you ever use one of these phrases, you have to do it with absolute presence. absolute presence. Let's talk about the tools of framing.
The first tool we touched on is called the pattern interrupt. Sometimes an entire room is just running on autopilot and you don't need to dominate. We just need to cut the loop that the room is running on.
Let's hit pause on this for a second. Can I ask something a little bit different? You know what?
Let's not do the usual thing. Number two is the quiet reframe. You don't disagree with them and you don't correct them.
what you're doing is you're shifting the lens and suddenly the story that they're holding doesn't serve them anymore. You know, I think another way to look at that might be, you know, I think that makes sense. And here's where I'd take it one step further.
Permissionless certainty. And this is what you say when you've earned the right to steer the conversation, not because of any force, but because you clearly are anchored and in full composure. And composure is not about learning a new skill.
You just got to remember composure. Here's what we're going to do. You know what usually happens next is this is how all of this works.
Disengaged authority. A very clear signal that you are calm and composed. And it's a signal that you are not outcome dependent.
It's totally okay if this doesn't resonate. I totally get it. And I'm glad that we don't have to agree on everything.
You know, I'm I'm not attached to this. I just know what I've seen work. And it's completely up to you.
That's one of the most powerful ways just to automatically have the frame because you need the other person the least. Let's talk about some micro behaviors that make a person's brain allow their frame to get soaked up by yours. Pause before you speak.
Pause as a process of thinking and centering yourself. Let the silence build some weight because that weight will belong to you. Smile with your eyes and learn to get good at that.
Let the other person be the one that leans toward you. So move less, speak slower. Just speaking softer will make them kind of start leaning in and that makes them adopt the posture of coming into your frame automatically.
Words will shape the frame, but it is absolutely your presence that locks that frame in. The stronger your internal belief is, the softer your voice can be. Keep that in mind if they try to challenge your frame.
Anybody remember this, they are not challenging you. They're testing for structure. So people don't trust fake confidence.
They test to see if your presence is real. And if it's real, they just follow. That's it.
So here is the way to stay really, really grounded under pressure. Slow down even more. Validate that there's tension there without reacting to it.
Redirect with clarity. Use both your body and your silence as a weapon. Just completely still.
Frame doesn't get built by knowledge. It gets built by friction. You don't get to a point of being unshakable by learning to fake calm.
You're putting yourself in uncomfortable situations on purpose and you're watching yourself hold the line. And I'm going to give you a few like five or six things here that you can do today. First one is called the eye contact drill.
In your next interaction, make calm eye contact and hold it about 1 to two seconds longer than usual. No smile, no apology, just presence. Hold it until you feel uncomfortable.
So people are going to feel the difference. And more importantly, you are going to feel the difference. It tells your nervous system, I do not chase approval.
I lead with presence. reclaiming your pause. So the next time that somebody interrupts you, keep speaking at the exact same pace, exact same volume, and exact same tone.
I'm going to be in charge here without being above this person or better than this person. That's the true distinction. The moment you start thinking, I'm better.
I'm going to subordinate this person, you become a loser. Social gravity testing. Anywhere you are that is social, practice saying less.
Let other people speak first. When you do speak, make it extremely deliberate and watch who starts orbiting your energy right there. We only follow the most followable.
And the most followable is always the most clear. The reframe in conflict in your any next disagreement. Instead of arguing or correcting, pause and I want you to memorize the phrase, I can actually see how you would see it that way.
Would you be open to looking at it from another angle? You want to validate their frame. You don't you're not trying to destroy it.
So, we're leading with respect instead of force. And it disarms defensiveness so so fast. I think the real magic is the moment that this goes from influence tactic to who you actually are as a human being.
When you stop using a frame and you live inside of that frame, it's just that frame is. My beliefs are stronger than their doubts. If your presence is louder than your words, your silence says a lot more than somebody else's pitch.
That's the true shift. And that's when you stop trying to lead and you just get followed. At the end of the day, frame control is not about a bunch of clever lines.
It's about who you are when you're not trying. Who you are when you are not trying. And framing is about not trying.
When you know who you are and you know what you're about and you can walk into a room and kind of do whatever you want. Be the one who doesn't move and you'll be the one who moves everybody else.
