-What do we got? -Lady collapsed at her 80th birthday party. Delayed breathing.
Blood pressure's through the roof. -For people who love "The Pitt". .
. -No effusion. Good lung sliding.
-Likely stroke. -. .
. but can't stand its phony liberal science. .
. -. .
. going crazy. Perceval thrombectomy?
-Not until we have a definitive diagnosis. -From producer Robert F. Kennedy Jr and the team who want to make America healthy again.
. . -What she needs is a steak!
She needs protein, people. Get me beef tallow and six raw eggs, stat. -.
. . it's "MAHAspital.
" From producer Jillian Michaels and the Facebook group "Beach Moms Against Vaccine Tyranny". . .
-His testosterone is crashing! I need 60 cc's of bull semen now! -.
. . comes a show set in the high-stakes medical crucible of Orange County, California.
-What's the situation? -Car accident. Femur fracture and trauma to ribs two and five.
-Aah! My leg! -Sir, are you up to date on your vaccines?
-Yes. -[Coughing] Loser. Okay.
Treatment. Dawes. -Okay, maybe, uh, methylene blue and a full-moon ceremony.
-That might work. Manning? -Whey powder, anal probiotic, and a sound bath?
-[ Bowl resonates ] -Not quite. Tanner? -Triple dose of Alpha Brain and a cold plunge in blue jeans.
-[ Fingers snap ] -Bingo. Get on it. -Oh, no.
He's in shock! He's in shock! -Uh-oh.
-I need all hands! Tanner, power up. -Yep.
Got it. [ Monitors beeping ] -[ Defibrillator whines ] -Clear! -[ Paddles thump ] -[ Grunts ] [ Monitor beeping ] -What the hell?
-Your skin's gonna look really nice. -Aah! -I hope next time you question my diagnosis, you'll do it in private.
-Stay in your lane. I'm the doctor here. -Excuse me?
! I'm a certified energy healer! My Instagram account, DaWellnessChica, has over 3,000 followers, so don't you dare try to tell me how to do my job!
-I need some air. I'm going outside to sun my taint! -And in MAHAspital, emotions run high.
-You could be anywhere! Why are you at MAHAspital? -You want to know why I'm here?
! Huh? !
Fine. My parents died from the COVID vaccine. -Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry. -Yeah. I found out they got it and I shot them.
I'm going to lunch. -"Five stars," raves the Liver King. -Measles ain't gonna cure itself!
Let's go! Come on! -How's she doing?
-She's on life support. She was fairly healthy before the accident. The only thing is.
. . she's a vegan.
[ Monitor beeping ] -Well, nothing we could do. [ Flat line ] [ Gasps ] Are you insane? !
What the hell are you doing? ! Are you crazy?
! Unh-unh! Not in MAHAspital!
-If your favorite character from "The Pitt" was the guy who punched the nurse in the face, you'll love "MAHAspital. " -Clear the area! Boss man's bringing one in himself!
-Coming through! -With a special appearance by RFK Jr. -Coming through!
Come on! Help me out here! -Is that a bear?
-I hit him with my car on the way over here. Prep him! -For surgery?
-For jerky! He's been dead for days, but the meat's still good. -Prep him!
-Alright, let's move! -I'm proud of each and every one of you. You've been told over and over you're crazy, what you're doing is dangerous and irresponsible.
But you did it anyway. -She needs some more raw milk! Now!
-Maybe it's the brain worm talking, but I love this team. Now drop and give me 50! -Whoo!
-Yeah! -Belly button in the sky. -"MAHAspital.
" Coming soon to The Daily Wire.
