I Forget Everything After 24 Hours

Sometimes our strength comes from our weakness. We just don't realize it until life tests us. Hi, I'm Amber and my memory sucks.

Forgetting things is hard, but being forgotten by the people who should love you is harder. I spent my whole life chasing approval until love finally found me when I stopped looking for it. When I was little, I was actually really pretty.

Blue eyes, blonde hair, the whole thing. People would gush over me everywhere I went, and honestly, I loved it. Dad used to show me off to his friends, saying I'd grow up to break hearts one day.

My memory was my biggest struggle, though. When I was little, I'd watch a cartoon and then instantly ask, "Can we watch Dora now? " Even though it had just ended, my sister Joyce, who was 4 years older than me, thought I was joking.

I wasn't. That was only the start. By age four, my brother Justin, who was 5 years older than me, was trying to get me to give up the pacifier.

He tied it in different places so I couldn't find it. Once by accident, Justin looped the string around my neck so the pacifier dangled on my back. He did this right in front of me.

And 10 seconds later, I was crying and searching for it, waking up the whole neighborhood. I'd actually forget their names in the middle of calling them. There's something wrong with this one.

And that's how mom started dragging me to doctors and specialists. By the time I was six, I'd already been diagnosed with learning disabilities and short-term memory issues. Mom was told to put me in a special needs class, but she refused.

Oh, that would be shameful. Too bad this family doesn't care about looks. Maybe you'd actually be good at modeling or something.

As a kid, I really tried to make mom love me the way she loved my siblings. But nothing I did was ever enough. And after my diagnosis, it got worse.

I could see the disappointment in her eyes every time she looked at me. So, I just stopped trying. My dad tried to convince her otherwise, but she never listened to him.

You see, my dad was the best person in the world to me. He loved me, accepted me, and never compared me to my siblings. Even though he was the biggest genius in the family, he was an incredible programmer who built many successful apps.

But he never cared about money. He worked from home, wore simple H&M clothes, and kept life easy. >> Your mom cares about appearances, about us wearing things that make us look important and big.

But aren't we all just aunts in this world? After all, >> I loved my dad, but he couldn't do much for me. I ended up in an ordinary class where I didn't understand most of what was going on.

Most days I just slept on my desk. The teachers eventually gave up on me. Maybe they just thought I looked cute enough to leave me alone.

And even the kids there thought I was pretty. Boys tried asking me out and girls wanted to be my friends. Sometimes they'd even bring me little gifts.

And the fashion teacher once suggested I try modeling, but that was never really my thing. When I was in the fifth grade, there was Mr. Johansson, who we all hated.

She was a bully who seemed to enjoy making my life harder. One time I called her the bulldozer behind her back, of course. And the name stuck, probably because some kids thought I was cool and started repeating it, too.

She somehow figured out it came from me and made sure I'd regret it until the day I died. Once during an exam, she stood right next to me. My paper was, of course, completely blank.

She leaned down and whispered, "I'm going to help you. I'll tell you which answers to circle. " Question one, circle B.

Question two, circle A. Question three, circle D. Question four, circle C.

Question five, circle A. Question six, circle D. See, I'm a good teacher.

Why call me the bulldozer? Isn't that a bit mean, Amber? Circle the answers, if you even remember.

The other students saw this and reported it to the principal, and the school ended up firing her. Luckily, mom never found out or she would have blamed me for inventing the nickname in the first place. Mom said something was wrong with me and I started believing her until one day when a new young pretty teacher arrived to replace Mr.

Johansson. My name is Miss Smart. I'm your new English teacher.

So, let's start with the game. I need five volunteers. Everyone's hand shot up, including mine.

To my surprise, she picked me. I was thrilled just to stand near her. She was beautiful and smelled amazing.

The game was simple. Each student got a picture of an animal, but couldn't look at it. The rule was to remember your animal, crouch down when it was mentioned, and stand up when another was mentioned.

Mine was the dinosaur, but every single time I forgot it. I thought for sure Miss Smart would kick me out. Instead, she just smiled at me, gave a little nod, and never said my animal's name until I was the only one left standing.

and she announced me as the winner. >> That's not fair. You didn't even say her animal so she could win.

But I guess she deserved to win. It's hard to see such a pretty girl lose. >> The whole class protested, but I didn't care.

For once, someone had chosen kindness over rules. I looked at Miss Smart and hugged her tight. From that day on, my relationship with Miss Smart grew stronger.

She worked with me on improving my memory with learning games like matching cards and simple recall exercises. I started smiling more and even mom noticed. But instead of being happy for me, she accused me of having a boy in my life and wouldn't believe me when I denied it.

What does she see in you? I mean, if you were Joyce, then yes, I'd allow you to have as many boyfriends as you want. >> Honey, Amber is lovely.

I'm sure the teacher sees a smart girl behind all these difficulties. >> No, your daughter is lying. Why can't you believe me?

If I have learning disabilities, you have parenting disabilities. I hate you. With that, I stormed out of the house.

It was late at night, but I knew the neighborhood Miss Smart lived in. I'd written it down when she mentioned it. The problem was I didn't know which house exactly, so I knocked on random doors until people got suspicious and called the police.

Hey kid, what's a pretty girl like you doing out here all alone? >> So if I was ugly, it'd be fine. >> That's not what I meant.

>> Then maybe don't say weird stuff to lost people. >> Okay, fair point. Now start talking.

>> I was staying at my teacher's house and I went out for some fresh air and got lost on my way back. >> Do you think we're idiots? >> Why is everyone calling me a liar?

I started kicking and screaming while the officers tried to hold me down. The noise woke up half the neighborhood, including Miss Smart. Her house was literally next in line from where I had been knocking.

She rushed out and pulled me away from the police. >> "Ma'am, do you recognize this kid? Please explain what's going on.

" >> I rolled up my sleeve where I had written the exact events I wanted to tell Miss Smart about. "Mom hates me and doesn't believe I'm happy because you teach me things, Miss Smart. Mom thinks I have a boyfriend.

" Miss Smart gave me a look full of sympathy and explained everything to the police. They called my parents and luckily only my dad showed up. He backed up my story and we left together.

>> I know you like this teacher. There's no need to sneak around to see her. Whenever you want to visit, just tell me.

I'll drop you off. >> From that day forward, I started visiting Miss Smart more often, and I was happier than ever. Her house was simple and warm.

I spent many afternoons there having dinner and just enjoying myself. Mom never liked it, and we fought a lot about it. If you keep nagging me, I swear I'll run away and you'll never find me, mother.

She had never seen me like that. I could see the shock in her eyes, so she backed off. Dad loved it whenever I was happy.

One day, he even tried to pay Miss Smart for the meals and the time I spent there, but she refused. Amber is like my daughter. I know she's a special girl.

Just then, the door flew open and a boy barged in. He looked about my age, or maybe a year older. He was kind of cute, but it had this annoying look that made you want to punch his face.

He started talking to Miss Smart in a rude, demanding way. >> Hey, you. I call, you answer.

I ask, you obey. Now go get me some money. >> Excuse you.

What kind of jerk are you? >> I kind of ignores a like you. I'm Miss Smart's boyfriend's son.

She owes us money. How do you think you were fed and cared for by her teaching salary? It's barely enough to feed two goats.

I wanted to argue back, but I had to pee, so I left the room. When I came back, he was sprawled on the couch with his feet on the coffee table, scattering chips across the floor. Excuse you?

Who even are you? >> Are you serious? I just told you 2 minutes ago.

Wow, she always this dumb. >> He turned to my dad with a smirk. >> What's it like raising a goldfish that talks back?

>> Then he got up, walked over, and before I knew it, he took the money my dad had put in his pocket to offer Miss Smart. I lost it. I lunged at him and hurt him badly enough that he ended up with scratches on his face and had to be rushed to the hospital.

Of course, boys are so dramatic. Dad took me home and I was still fuming. From that day on, something changed between me and Miss Smart.

She was broken and hurt. Not because of me, but I felt my presence might bring her more trouble after what happened. Thank you for defending me.

Miss Smart, what's your dream in life? It's simple. I just want a little house on the beach where I can live peacefully and beautifully.

What about you? >> What's the point of having one if I'll forget it the next minute? She pulled a big notebook out of her bag and pressed it into my hands.

Here, keep this with you. Write down everything important, even the small ones, so you'll always have them documented. I looked at her with tearary eyes and hugged her tightly.

Something inside me knew it might be the last time. And soon enough, Miss Smart left. She'd moved to another city with her boyfriend and his jerk son, and I never saw her again.

I was heartbroken, but mom was the happiest. See, you only have one mother figure in your life, and it's me. I'll always be here.

Unfortunately, that night, I wrote in my notebook, "Note number 12. Miss SM left today, and mom's going to make my life even harder. " June 25th, 2017.

If I didn't write things down, they disappeared. Maybe that's why I write so I don't disappear, too, like Miss Smart did. By the time I got to middle school, I'd had a major glow up and started getting more attention from guys.

But the problem was I was still getting pulled out of class for the resource room, and it was humiliating. So, I started lying. I'm actually leaving to attend my cousin's wedding.

I'm leaving to get my appendix removed. My mom gave birth today. Got to see the baby.

Isn't her mom too old for that? >> Her dad's a scientist. He can make anything, even babies.

>> Oh, okay. But eventually, I ran out of excuses. And the kids started noticing.

So, I just stopped going. The school called mom and told her, and she was furious. She enrolled me in private classes that cost a fortune.

The money I'm paying for your classes is going to be deducted from your pocket money. Man, we're rich. What else are you going to spend it on?

Joyce and Justin. She ignored me. So, I decided to annoy her back.

Why can't she just love me like my siblings? That's when I thought, maybe it's time to get a real boyfriend. Boys liked me, and I got a lot of attention for how I looked.

They'd flirt, ask me out, try to impress me. I even had about 20,000 followers on Insta, and it felt amazing. Until one afternoon in the ninth grade, this boy named Cliff, a senior, came up to me while I was walking with my notebook.

I was trying to write something important in it, but the marker wouldn't work. So, I breathed on it, shook it like crazy, and then suddenly it exploded right onto Cliff's face. Oh my god, I am so sorry.

>> It's fine. Trust me, it could be worse. One time, a girl straight up puked on my shirt.

So, your marker is nothing. I'm Cliff and you are. >> I just stared at his amazing smile.

Would I ever have a real chance at love? Could anyone ever love a broken girl like me? Maybe mom was wrong after all.

Took me a second before I even thought to shake his hand. But right then, one of his buddies walked by and waved at him. He waved back, and I, like an idiot, ended up shaking the air, lost my balance, and fell right onto his feet.

He helped me up, and I wanted to disappear. Wait, did you tell me your name? because I didn't write it down and I feel like that's a really important note in my life.

>> Smooth. Here, let me write it for you. >> He scribbled his name and number in my notebook, winked and walked off.

>> Later, heartbreaker. >> I looked down at the page, smiling, then froze. Wait, what was I even trying to write before he showed up?

The next day, while I was sitting alone on the bleachers during a big football game, Cliff sat down next to me. I blinked at him, confused. It's me, Cliff.

>> Cliff who? He grabbed my notebook, flipped to the page with his name and number, and pointed. I immediately understood what he meant.

We started talking for a bit, and I noticed he was asking questions from the long-term memory department. My dreams, my childhood, and even Miss Smart, not the short-term stuff that usually embarrassed me. Then, out of nowhere, a football came flying and smacked the girl next to me right in the face.

She staggered, dropped her juice, and spilled it all over my notebook. Furious, I grabbed the ball and hurled it back onto the field. One of the players caught it perfectly.

Everyone turned and stared at me, impressed. For the first time, they were admiring me for something I did, not just how I looked. But then the girl yanked my hair.

>> We could have taken the ball and kept it, you idiot. It's got all the hot boy sweat and DNA on it. I snapped and started fighting back.

Cliff tried to pull me away, but I wasn't letting go. 30 minutes later, I was sitting in the principal's office with my furious mom, the girl, and her mom. The principal droned on for 15 minutes about discipline and respect, then finally turned to me.

>> So, Amber, are you ready to say sorry? >> To who? Mom, impatient, cut in and pointed at everyone in the office.

to her and her and him and me. He, her, her, you, me, she, him, me? What?

Are you making up your own language now? You think you can just pull the memory card whenever you want? I know you understand exactly what's happening here.

I don't give birth to stupid kids, Amber. Oh, really? What are you, Zeus?

Only giving birth to gods? Shut it, you little >> Mr. Armstrong.

Shouting won't solve this. And for what it's worth, students with special needs sometimes have other amazing talents. Did you see the way she threw that ball?

Everyone was amazed. >> He grabbed a ball off a stand behind him, handed it to me, and told me to stand across the room and throw it back. I did as he asked.

Maybe a little too hard. The ball nailed him straight in the nose. Blood started pouring everywhere.

Both moms rushed to help. At first, he tried to act tough, but when he saw the attention from the moms, he melted into it. >> I'm okay.

I'm okay, ladies. Yep. This side hurts worse.

Head up or down? Up, down, down, up. As long as you cheer me up.

>> On the ride home, mom wouldn't stop scolding me. But all I could think about was what the principal said. Maybe I wasn't useless after all.

Maybe if I found my talent or purpose, mom would finally see me differently. So the next day, I decided I'd try different things to find out what I was good at. I started by auditioning for cheerleading.

They took me on the team cuz I was pretty, but I kept forgetting to show up for practice, so that went in the trash. After that, I tried painting, but when I froze up, I decided to paint my teacher and accidentally made her look like Shrek. Then I tried singing and a kid with a violin told me to join cooking classes instead.

So I smacked him with his own bow. A great hobby for you would be being a bed driver. Sleeping is the best thing you could do.

For yourself, for me, and for everyone else. Days felt heavy and stressful. And one night, I just found myself missing Miss Smart.

If she were still around, she'd know exactly what to say. I looked her up on Facebook, but she wasn't there. Then I stumbled on her boyfriend's page and saw an article saying he'd been arrested for domestic violence.

My heart sank. Was Miss Smart okay? I tried to find a way to reach her, but I never managed to.

And somehow that made me feel even lonier. Later that week, I was sitting with Cliff, pouring my heart out on a bench under a tree. I'm just a loser.

Mom doesn't talk to me. Justin got accepted to Harvard for medicine, and Joyce is going to Cambridge to study. And I don't know.

I forgot. >> How does it feel when you forget something right in the middle of a sentence? >> It sucks.

Maybe that's why I lose my temper sometimes. I don't like being angry, but I can't help it. >> Do your meds help at all, or do the memory programs work better?

How do you feel after them? >> Okay, you sound way too much like my therapist. What's going on?

He shifted awkwardly and tried to cover something with his notebook. I got suspicious and pulled it away. Underneath was a little audio recorder.

I froze, staring at him, waiting for an explanation. But he didn't say a word. So I grabbed his notebook and flicked through it.

Page after page all about me. Notes on my condition. Are you Are you studying me?

Am I your research project or something? >> Look, I'm doing long-term research for psychology programs. You're perfect for it, Amber.

And come on, you're having fun with me, too. It's a win-win. I snatched the recorder, smashed it on the ground, and dumped my water bottle all over his notebook.

Now it's a win-win. No, wait. I slapped him across the face.

Now it is. And with that, I stormed off. How could he use me like that?

I thought he genuinely liked me. Now I wasn't just a girl with a bad memory, zero talent, and anger problems. I had trust issues, too.

Yay me. Maybe mom was right. What boy would ever want someone like me?

God, I just missed Miss SM so much. Note number 1,280. Cliff is a jerk.

October 10th, 2019. I didn't just lose a crush. I lost the version of me who still believed love made you whole.

Cliff's betrayal took a huge toll on me, and I'd started keeping more to myself, not wanting to trust anyone here. After the end of the school year, I begged mom all summer to transfer me to a special education high school. She refused until she later heard that one of her rich friends had enrolled her kids in a special class.

Suddenly, it wasn't so embarrassing since someone else was doing it, too. Wow. Mom, I think your friend is my savior.

Maybe I should embroider her face on a pillow and pray for her blessings every night. The new school was nothing like the one before it. The kids were wild.

The teachers were laidback. And everyone had their own little quirks. Some kids carried stress balls, some fidgeted with slime, so me walking around with my notebook wasn't a big deal anymore, which felt amazing.

That's where I met Samantha. She always carried a tiny teddy bear. Even gave him his own chair next to hers.

What's his name? It's just Teddy. Thanks for not laughing at me.

They already call me weird here. Imagine being called weird in a place like this. And wow, you're gorgeous.

>> I didn't want to forget anything, so I started jotting down what she was saying. She noticed and asked why. >> Are you seriously writing that I called you gorgeous?

>> Yeah, I have short-term memory loss, so I write stuff down. It helps me remember faster. >> That's weird.

Honestly, it might be weirder than my teddy bear. >> Jeez, thanks. We both cracked up.

I loved hanging out with Samantha. She made me laugh, but she also had some questionable habits. Like one time I caught her snacking on something strange.

Uh, what are you eating? Oh, it's just my fingernails. I'll bite them and save them in a bag for later.

It was gross, sure, but I didn't judge. After all these years, I finally had a real friend. Samantha made life lighter.

She was odd in the best way and fiercely loyal. She was the first person ever to push me into modeling. She spotted what I couldn't, that I had a face for modeling.

So, we slipped out for shoots behind mom's back, laughed at my stiff elbows and stupid poses, and went out for ice cream later. For the first time, normal didn't feel like a lie. I even started saving real money.

But then, Samantha had her fair share of bad tempers, too. One time a pregnant teacher was teaching us math with songs. She was bouncing up and down and her belly was jiggling in a weird way.

And Samantha couldn't help laughing. And of course, the teacher noticed. What's so funny, huh?

You think watching me pour my heart out to teach you is funny. Samantha clutched her teddy bear and made him talk instead of her. >> You're right.

I'm sorry. I have a belly, too, so I shouldn't judge. The teacher stormed over and yanked the teddy bear out of her arms.

Hey, that's not cool. Give it back to her. What is that smell?

I feel like I'm going to throw up. It's my avocado tuna sandwich >> or my fingernails. >> And right then, the teacher grabbed my backpack and threw up inside it.

Oh man. Mom found out about the backpack incident. And the next day, she stormed into the school furious, screaming at everyone.

Poor dad trailed behind her trying to calm her down, but she shoved him hard and he fell. A few kids laughed and I saw the humiliation on his face. Mom kept yelling at the principal and his secretary tried to calm her down.

What's next? A teacher is going to pee in my daughter's backpack. The kids were staring and I wanted to sink into the floor.

I had finally found a place where I belonged and mom had to ruin it. When she was finished, she grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me to the car with dad driving in silence. All the way home, she kept shouting and cursing the school.

I'll escalate this. I'll sue them if I have to. That trash teacher is getting fired.

Then out of nowhere, Dad pulled the car over. Why are you stopping here? This neighborhood is disgusting.

>> Because I'm done. I'll be staying in a motel. I can't live with you anymore.

I want a divorce. No, Dad. Please.

What? But he didn't even look at me. He just got out of the car and walked away.

Fine. Good riddens. It's not like you were ever the man of my dreams.

Then she turned to me. Voice sweet and fake. Sit back, honey.

I made lasagna for dinner. I was speechless. I couldn't process what had just happened.

And one thing you should know about short-term memory loss is that trauma makes it worse. So when mom told me she's transferring me to a new school, I simply lost my mind. I cried and begged her not to, even tried staying with dad for a few days, but his motel room smelled like socks and sadness.

So that didn't work out. So one night I slept out of the house just to breathe. I thought watching a parking lot movie might make me feel better.

It didn't. I cried through the whole thing with my mascara running down my face. On the way back, I took a wrong turn and ended up in some sketchy neighborhood.

A group of weird older boys started following me, saying creepy stuff. >> Hey, sweetheart. Want to hang out?

>> I panicked and started running. Just as they got closer, an old lady stepped out of the corner shop and hurled her grocery bag straight at their heads. >> Back off, losers.

I don't regret giving you all those peanuts after spitting them out of the chocolate bars. They ran and she grabbed my hand without asking anything. She took me to the nearest police station.

It turned out the police already had a record of the other time I ran away to find Miss Smart. They called child protection services on mom. >> Oh my god, Amber.

What now? See how she is? Just take me away from her.

She hates me. >> Ma'am, your daughter's situation needs special attention. You're well off.

Maybe hire a caregiver to accompany her. Or maybe I can just put a tracker on her. The money I'd waste on a caregiver can go to her siblings education.

Ma'am, you're required by law to arrange help for her or we'll have to escalate this. Mom didn't like it one bit, and she scolded me all the way home. The next day, there was a knock at the door.

It was Samantha and her mom. Her mom was short and chubby with hands that screamed, "I make amazing food. " She gave mom one long look and shook her head.

Your daughter's been calling mine and crying all week about school. And last night she ran away and got lost. What more do you need to take her seriously?

I'm not sending her back to that school. They puked in her backpack. So what?

Is she the queen of England now? It was an accident. They apologized.

Just swallow your pride already and get her butt back in there. She won't listen. You're wasting your time.

Maybe if you treated your mom better, she'd be different. Aha, exactly. I looked at both of them.

Totally done. I treat my mom just fine. But I'm never good enough for her.

She's got two geniuses and one broken daughter. Who do you think she loves less? Me, Amber.

So don't come in here and tell me this is my fault for being born with problems. I didn't choose this. Maybe I just need better treatment.

Doesn't every kid deserve that? Then I grabbed Samantha's hand and stormed off to my room. See that?

You needed to hear that. Maybe it'll finally wake you up. She smacked mom lightly with her hand fan.

Hey, shut up. Be good to your daughter. Do you even know how talented she is?

She's so good at modeling. Samantha told me she even made good money. What?

Where's the money? Oh, shut up. You're rich.

Stop crying over money and listen to me. Our kids are our investment. What you do comes back to you.

Believe me, I learned that the hard way. I've got two sons older than Samantha. I treated them terribly.

They left for good. I don't even know if they're still alive. I'm sorry that happened to you, but my life is different.

Honey, your husband already left you. Your older children have moved away. And didn't child protection come knocking once already?

You really want to risk that again? There was a long silence. Then Samantha's mom smacked her again.

Ow. I was starting to agree with you. Was that really necessary?

She hit her again. Maybe it'll knock some more sense into you. And then again.

All right. All right. Jesus Christ.

Stop hitting me. Now, what's cooking? I'm starving.

If dinner's not ready, I'll make something. That evening, Samantha and her mom stayed for dinner. We ate together and even watched an MSA video about evil moms.

Okay, fine. They're worth subscribing to. These videos aren't just for kids.

Even parents can learn something. So yeah, like and subscribe, please. Mom didn't bother me that night.

She actually became a bit less annoying after getting closer to Samantha's mom. She even hired a caregiver like the social worker said, some quiet lady who followed me around for a while and tried to be helpful without saying much. Honestly, I didn't enjoy being tailed very much.

And eventually, she stopped coming. I don't know if she quit or mom let her go, but she was making more of an effort with me and I was doing a bit better. That night, I wrote in my notebook.

Note number 4,451. Mom said her mom raised her to be perfect and that she should try to understand that I'm different. I don't have high hopes of her turning into an angel, but I'm not complaining.

November 20th, 2021. Our school decided we could start studying for the SATs two years early. But I didn't care about that.

All I wanted was to get my driver's license like everyone else. But it was the hardest thing ever. I ended up taking 135 lessons and failing 13 driving tests.

Joyce only needed 12 lessons and Justin 10. But you Here we go again. Wait, let me finish.

You're like me. I needed more than a hundred lessons and failed seven times. Well, never saw that coming, but thanks.

I guess the day I took my 14th driving test was also the SAT's day, so I was in a hurry to finish it. Some parts of the SAT were done orally, and the guy who tested me looked really young, maybe just a few years older than me. He was testing me on the English section.

What's your favorite color? >> I'm the one who asks questions here. What's that on your lip?

>> I ate something sweet, I think, but I can't remember. Maybe an almond croissant. What's your favorite color?

>> Black. >> You don't give black vibes. >> What's that supposed to mean?

>> Are you gay? >> What? Did you take any medication before coming here?

>> I looked at him confused and opened my notebook to check, but he stopped me and said I wasn't allowed to use any outside resources. He seemed interested in my condition and kept testing me. By the way, we kissed 10 minutes ago.

So, how can you say I look gay? >> I doubt that, but you look like a nice guy. What's your favorite color?

We kept talking and laughing, and he found me cute. He even asked me if I was a model. Honestly, by now, I was used to people falling for my looks and then running away the second they found out how complicated my brain was.

But, I gave Ry the benefit of the doubt, and by the end, he gave me a high score. I was even happier since I also passed my driving test that day. That weekend, mom, Samantha, her mom, and I went to our local pizza place to celebrate.

And guess who our waiter was? Ray. To my surprise, I actually remembered him.

>> How come? >> Maybe because you were nice to me and helped me pass. >> Well, about that.

I got fired. They noticed a gap between the English oral exam and the math one, so they terminated me. This is my new job now.

>> Well, that's unfortunate. Seems like helping Amber always comes with consequences. But before she could finish, Samantha's mom smacked her lightly on the head.

I mean, consequences of liking her too much because she's amazing. I'm sorry about your job. >> Don't worry, ma'am.

It was worth it. I met your daughter and she's wonderful. >> Yep.

She even took pictures of you that day and kept looking at them all week. How else would she remember you, Mom? >> So, it's true.

And what's up with the gay thing? She says dumb stuff when she's nervous, but she's the sweetest. We'll leave you two alone to bond.

Don't take too long. Maybe she can move in with you by tomorrow or next week, give or take. >> So, I never got the chance to ask you this.

What's your favorite color? >> I think green. It's relaxing.

And yours? Ry just chuckled. And from that day on, we started dating.

Those turned out to be some of the best days of my life. But Ry never really had a stable job until a few months into our relationship when he decided to join the Navy. >> The pay is good and I'll have a better future to offer you, babe.

>> He really loved me. A few months after he joined the Navy, I got into a car accident and spent weeks in the hospital. Ry left his post to stay by my side every night.

He almost got kicked out, but he didn't care. >> They can replace me, but who could ever replace you? After I graduated high school, I decided to work at a cashier at our local grocery store.

Even though we were rich, I wanted to work. I needed to know I could rely on myself for once, test my memory in real life, and just try something new. It wasn't too bad, mostly just processing payments.

The manager was a friend of mom's, so she never stressed me out with extra work until one day during Christmas week, the store was running a promotion. Buy three gifts, get free wrapping. I was helping wrap a toy car a little boy handed me and wow, he was rude.

>> This car toy is for rich people only. It's a collector's item. Probably worth your whole month's salary and your rapping skills suck.

Be careful with it. I'm doing an unboxing video and tagging Mr Beast. >> Aw, how cute.

Show me your channel. He smuggly showed me and the second he turned around, I pulled out my phone and left a bunch of hateful comments on his videos. >> Kid thinks he's Mr beast, but he's MORE LIKE MR.

BROKE. HIS only fans his mom, and he even skips the edge. That plastic front tooth must be blinding her.

What the heck, mom? His mom came over furious and started arguing with me. But before I could defend myself, I felt queasy and suddenly threw up right in the toy box.

Oh god, just like that teacher. Was I pregnant? How could I take care of a baby when I could barely take care of myself?

Needless to say, I quit that job. And yes, I was pregnant. The pregnancy was rough.

Constant nausea, endless morning sickness. I couldn't help wondering, would I be a good mom? Would my baby love and accept me?

Or would it just be another person I disappoint? But mom was mostly happy. She sometimes came to my appointments, though she complained non-stop about how much of her time it was taking.

Joyce and Justin barely visited. They were too busy with their research and stuff. Ry was over the moon.

He took some time off to stay with me for a few weeks before heading back. One day, during an ultrasound appointment, mom came along. The secretary at the front desk was this lazy woman with thick glasses and messy hair.

>> You've missed two appointments, and today you don't even have one booked. But it's not like the doctor has anything better to do. Sit down.

I'll call you when it's your turn. >> I waited for mom to scold me for my missing appointments. But for once, she didn't tell me I embarrassed her.

Maybe this is how love starts quietly like she's still learning the words. The doctor looked awkward, bald with one sad little hair bang hanging on for dear life. He kept sniffing his nose every 5 seconds.

Mom was visibly disgusted. >> When was the last time you felt the baby kick? >> I opened my notebook to check, but mom cut in.

What kicking? She's only 10 weeks pregnant. The baby hasn't kicked yet.

Oh, so you're the doctor now. Maybe you can deliver the baby yourself under candle light on the kitchen floor. >> It's okay.

I'm sorry. Can we just focus on the baby? >> You know what?

Just to be safe, we'll do a full MRI, get undressed, and you outside. >> Mom had to wait in the hall. The scan went fine, but the hospital charged us $800.

>> He does that to everyone. You didn't even need a scan. He's just a greedy jerk.

and you couldn't have warned us sooner. Mom stormed back in and started yelling at him. I didn't care.

I was just happy the baby was okay. But when she hit a speed bump on the drive home, I realized I'd forgotten my bra at the hospital. Typical me.

6 months later, I gave birth to a baby girl. I named her Stella. Even dad came to visit.

And of course, mom used it as a chance to scold him. I looked at her face. She looked so pink.

She looked like a mini version of me. I hugged her tight and whispered, "I'll love you no matter what. Please love me back and I'll give you the world.

" Being a new mom was so stressful. One night, Stella had a very high fever and mom was visiting my siblings while Ry was away. I didn't know what to do, so I drove off to a nearby hospital.

I was so nervous that I forgot my notebook, and the nurses started asking me questions. >> When was the last time you breastfed her? >> When was the last time she pooped?

When was the last time she puked? >> Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? >> Let's just call the police.

I heard them talking and judging me, saying words like abnormal and neglectful mom. And suddenly I was 10 again. In that classroom with Mr.

Johansson, 15 with Cliff's recorder, six, watching mom's disappointed face. All my life people kept asking me if I understood. And the truth, sometimes I didn't.

And now I had this tiny person depending on me to remember everything. I felt so dizzy and stressed. I just ran out of there, tears running down my face.

I stood at the entrance, walking back and forth, when suddenly someone called my name. Amber? Miss Smart?

I blinked through my tears. For a second, I thought my brain was playing tricks again, but she was real. She looked older and more tired.

I ran to her, hugged her, and cried on her shoulder. They're taking my baby, Miss Bismart. I'm useless.

I'm stupid. What did you even see in me all those years ago? I saw a girl who was misunderstood by the people closest to her.

But still had the kindest heart. That kind of goodness doesn't vanish, Amber. Not even with memory loss.

That's just who you are. And it's perfectly okay to need help sometimes. We all do.

She turned to the police officers and spoke calmly, explaining my condition the same way she had to the police all those years ago. Within minutes, everything settled down. After that night, I decided to move to Ray's base and to live in a close, caring community.

Ry helped Miss Smart get a job there. And she lived nearby. It's near the beach, just like how you dreamt years ago.

Today, I live happily with my family and the people who truly care about me. I'm writing my book to help others like me. Maybe I'll still forget a lot of things in life, birthdays, names, appointments, but I'll never forget how it felt to be seen, to be loved anyway.

And that's the memory that stayed. >> I love you, Mommy. >> Note number 130,891.

Stella said she loved me. April 16th of 2025.