NARRATOR: You don't know Secret Invasion? When shape-shifting Skrulls infiltrated humanity and nearly took over the planet? Well, buckle up, because you're about to get invaded.
Uh, I mean, informed. This conflict goes all the way back to the Skrulls' first encounter with the Fantastic Four, when stone cold jerk, Reed Richards, hypnotized three Skrulls into believing they were cows. Mm.
Burgers. Cut to a few years later, and Earth's heroes were not all that united after a Civil War, Scarlet Witch's House of M, and World War Hulk. (WHINY VOICE) But nothing else bad could happen, right?
(NORMAL VOICE) Wrong! It all starts when the New Avengers tussle with The Hand and their new leader, Elektra, dies. But it wasn't Elektra at all.
It was a damn dirty Skrull! Spider-Woman brings Skrull Elektra's body to Iron Man to figure out what the heck is going on. Meanwhile, a scary new breed of super Skrull, with epic powers, nearly flatlines Reed Richards, Doctor Strange, Charles Xavier, and the rest of the Illuminati.
So what does it all mean? The Illuminati splits up, the Avengers give each other stink eye, and everyone has more trust issues than ever. Iron Man takes Skrullektra to Reed Richards and Hank Pym.
But the alien autopsy party gets weird-- well, weirder-- when Pym reveals he's a Skrull who wants to get even for that whole cow thing. But Reed isn't the only one stretched thin. Boom goes S.
W. O. R.
D, down goes S. H. I.
E. L. D, alien computer viruses everywhere!
Norman freaking Osborn and his Thunderbolts get attacked by Mar Vell. The FF's house blows up. Oh, and an army of new super Skrulls lands in New York City.
Eesh. Then, a Skrull ship crash lands in the savage land. And it is full of superheroes.
Are they Skrulls? Are they heroes? The only way to find out is to fight?
Finally, Spider-Woman, facing off against Echo, reveals herself as the Skrull queen, Veranke, a double agent and mastermind of the entire Secret Invasion. And yes, she was indeed having a cow. In New York City, a handful of superheroes are getting pummeled by super Skrulls, until the believed-to-be-dead Nick Fury, Quake, and the Secret Warriors show up to even the odds.
You know it's bad when even The Hood, Norman freaking Osborn, and the rest of the villains join the war effort. The Skrulls take over global communications and media to bring their message to the Earth. We won.
You lost. Let's have cake! But duh, the cake is a lie.
And Reed, Maria Hill and Mar Vell ain't here to eat cake, they're here to smash Skrulls. With battles raging across the planet, the final stage is set for New York City. Earth's forces are just waiting for a sign.
THOR: [GROANING] NARRATOR: That'll work. Giants, gooey stuff, lasers, lightning, explosions, shooting, slashing! Even the Watcher shows up!
Army in tow, Iron Man gets the epic final battle underway. As Earth's forces gain ground, the Skrulls enact one final plan-- triggering Janet Van Dyne, AKA The Wasp, to grow into a giant-sized biological weapon that would wipe out humans and Skrulls alike. Her death is the last bit of motivation Earth's forces need.
Wolverine goes in for the final slice, but Norman freaking Osborn steals Logan's kill, becoming the hero of the whole war. While mopping up the Armada in space, Iron Man finds one ship that's not full of Skrulls. It's full of the humans that the Skrulls took over, including the real Spider-Woman.
Awkward! With the Invasion finally over, and the Skrulls defeated, a darker reign for Norman freaking Osborn is on the horizon. But that's a story for another time.
And now you do know Secret Invasion.
