The number one thing you need to compare yourself with other people on is comfort. 90% of people say they need more skills, but what they need is authority or comfort, and they can't be comfortable [music] in a conversation. People with authority tend to sit up straight, but they don't sit up straight because they read an article.
They sit up straight because they see the world a certain way. And there's [music] one thing that fear does, it speeds our body up. So, if you see someone doing these rapid jerky movements, you're seeing mostly fear or stress in their body.
The one thing I want you to focus on this week is, can you move slower than the other people in the room? An entire world that other people can't really see, don't have access to. And I think for the last 10,000 years [music] of recorded history, you can look at any event or any leader of any country, and everything [music] that dictates the outcomes of situations comes down to human factors, every time.
No matter if there's economic turmoil, there's people getting pissed off about an economy, there's AI or technology innovations that are happening, and everything comes down to >> [music] >> human interactions, and whether or not you can manage yourself, you're a good leader, [music] who the good leaders are, and who can persuade the people to feel a certain way. I've gone through a period in their life realizing that there's an invisible advantage that [music] some other people have, the people that got successful. Maybe have some kind of advantage that they're not able to tangibly see.
And I think showing them that this is one of the biggest levers [music] that you could ever pull in your life is the most rewarding and fascinating thing to see, someone go through this transition [music] to realize that this human behavior stuff dictates outcomes in life. When I say human behavior, I mean that when a [music] person becomes successful or they become a failure, you can look at three factors >> [music] >> every single time to determine why someone was successful or why they failed. That is their level of self-mastery, their level of observation, like [music] can they read the room, can they read the person that they're actually talking to, and their level of communication.
Can they speak influentially? Can they talk about outcomes in a way that inspire people and motivate people? [music] And can they communicate in a persuasive way that moves people?
And it's typically most of my clients come to me saying, [music] "I want the technique. I want the skill. Teach me the the recipe to do X, Y, and Z.
What do I say on the phone? Give me a new sales script. " So, I have this model called the ACSS model that I train to my entire staff.
And that ACSS model stands for authority, comfort, social skills, and then skills. >> [music] >> 90% of people say they need more skills, but what they need is authority or comfort. And they can't be comfortable in a conversation.
So, I could give you like I would talk to these clients and I would say, "I could spend $10 million and I could write the write the best persuasion script for whatever your ideal outcome is. Hand you this thing on a silver [music] platter. And if you're not comfortable in that conversation, you're not going to be successful.
" So, I could give it to somebody with social anxiety and have them go read this out loud. It's So, a lot of people's problems come from comfort, a lack of being able to be comfortable in in [music] a conversation, and the level of authority that they might have. And I don't mean hierarchical authority.
I just mean personal authority. But, they don't know it. They think it's I need more social skills.
I need to learn small talk or I need this little technique. [music] So, every time the one [music] thing I tell every client is if I give you a flight checklist right now for a a small plane, a Cessna 172. Are you a pilot?
No. >> [music] >> Having this little checklist of what to do does not give you the skill. So, a lot of that so much [music] of that comes from comfort.
And the problem that a lot of people have is they're competing with other people on height, on looks, on social status, money, hierarchy, confidence, all this other stuff. The number one thing you need to compare yourself with other people on is comfort. That's it.
Is can I be more comfortable than the other [music] person in this conversation? Cuz our brains are naturally wired to compete. We can't turn competition off, but we can change what they're focused on.
And if they're focused on comfort, [music] we win a lot more conversations. So, one of the challenges I give to people is for your first week, all the only thing I want you to focus on, I'm not going to give you this long list to go look in your phone and have to read it before every meeting. The one thing I want you to focus on this week [music] is can you move slower than the other people in the room?
That's it. Just adjusting the speed limit on your body. So, if you were standing in a swimming [music] pool, how fast would your arms and legs move if you're underwater?
And make [music] that the speed limit for this entire week. That's all I want you to focus on. And that makes so many changes in [music] people's mind because we change our bodies and we change how we're our emotions are feeling.
And there's one [music] thing that fear does, it speeds our body up. So, if you see someone doing these rapid jerky movements, you're you're [music] seeing mostly fear or stress in their body. And then so, step two is composure.
Can I get [music] you into a place where you have some composure? And the left and right side of composure we have >> [music] >> collapse and we have posturing. So, we I have a a that makes themselves small so other people can be comfortable >> [music] >> or I make myself big so other people can get away from me.
But the problem most people have if I'm living in collapse, the solution looks like posturing. >> [music] >> And we see this in like guys that learn pick up. Like I'm going to learn how to posture because it's the opposite of what I'm doing.
It's not [music] the center where I need to be. And I would say composure is the combination of the things that make up authority. [music] And authority is made up of five things and that's confidence, discipline, leadership, gratitude, and [music] enjoyment.
So I have an authority inventory. This is day one, the first thing that I [music] give to intelligence people or I've got a guy that owns a car dealership, whoever the client is. And it's the authority assessment.
It assesses you on those things. And wherever your lowest point is, that's what's keeping you from being successful in most conversations when you need to persuade somebody. And it pinpoints it very quickly.
If I could go into this a little further, um the way that we live our lives off camera, I'm sure you would agree. You just had Vanessa Van Edwards on. Uh it it bleeds out in our body language.
It bleeds out in not just body language but how we breathe, how we talk, how we come [music] across. So even if I read that article on LinkedIn of 19 ways to look more confident and it says, "Well, have better posture, sit up straighter, shake hands, make better [music] eye contact. " I did all of that and I look really presentable but back home I've got a 8-ft pile of laundry sitting in the bedroom, my bed's nasty, I've got dishes all piled up in the sink.
And there's a part of our brain that's somehow dedicated to reminding us, "I'm faking it right now. " And that comes across. [music] So whether we're doing it consciously or unconsciously, we're manufacturing gut feelings in other people.
>> [music] >> So, our job is to manufacture better gut feelings. And the five most common ways that those bleed out in our everyday life >> [music] >> is how we manage five areas of our life. And that is our environment.
Like, do I take care of my environment? My uh time, appearance, my social life, and [music] my financial life. Because those are the those are the five things we worry about in the back of our head that start bleeding out these gut feelings.
Cuz we've all had a conversation where everything on the surface looked great. But afterwards, we were like, "Something was off. [music] I don't know what it was, but something was just didn't feel right about that guy.
" And we've all had that little experience. And getting a hold of your those five [music] qualities that make up authority are the fastest way to get success in your life and just drastically start changing your life. So, that would be the the bottom foundation of that little pyramid.
[music] And the far left side of that triangle would be confidence, discipline, leadership, gratitude, and enjoyment. And those elements alone [music] produce feelings in other people that make them see an authority figure. So, the right side of that authority triangle uh has five letters on it.
And that stands for movement, appearance, confidence, connection, and intent. Is our intent visible? That outward sign of authority is what a lot of people tend to look for.
What does authority look like? But what we're really doing is >> [music] >> I want to look at the symptoms of authority, not the cause. Cuz we're we All these LinkedIn articles, YouTube videos that are saying [music] how to have more confidence, how to do X, Y, and Z are how to have the symptoms instead of the cause of authority.
So, people with authority tend to sit up straight, but they don't sit up straight because they read an article. They sit up straight because they see the world a certain way. And that's so much of a difference between changing my world view versus changing my posture.
So, the difference [music] between a person who's confident and a person who doesn't have confidence is that they hear those voices as truth. So, the final point of that, which leads into discipline, is I need to get you to form a relationship with your future self. Because everything that goes into on in our life has to do with our mammalian brain, this lower part of our brain here.
And it doesn't speak English. There's no affirmation that's going to penetrate that barrier. There's no like, I'm going to read a quote on a wall or a PowerPoint slide that's going to fundamentally change behavior.
You [music] have to change the animal, the mammalian part of the brain. So, having that level of discipline elevates our level of confidence automatically because we know that other people are going to pick up on it, but we also know I'm moving up and I'm probably more in control of myself than the person that I'm talking to or the people that I'm I'm dealing with regularly. [music] So, how we live off camera is coming through in our [music] confidence.
That's the exact thing that we were talking about, that environment, time, appearance. And if I can live [music] off camera the same way that I want to be perceived by everybody in my life, my confidence already starts to grow. And if you look at everyone who is a natural leader and has that level of authority, I think one of the most common in there is "How can [music] I change my discipline?
" That's the number one thing that I get from people. How do I level up discipline on this authority [music] checklist? And getting to a point where they're modifying their discipline changes their confidence cuz I always talk about discipline is kind of the gateway drug to everything else in authority.
And it's the gateway to composure, for sure. But getting your discipline modified is one of the the fastest ways to make everything else change. And understanding what discipline [music] is is the most critical element.
And I define this differently than most people. So, I define discipline as your ability to prioritize the needs of your future self ahead of your own >> [music] >> present self. And that's it.
That's all that discipline is. I'm prioritizing the needs of future me. So, the moment that we start understanding that, if I could just make decisions that are prioritizing future me, then we go back to where am I getting my dopamine from?
And I want past tense me to be a source of dopamine [music] for present tense me. Cuz most of us look back with regret. I shouldn't have drank that much.
I shouldn't have mouthed off at the family reunion. You know, whatever it is. I shouldn't have overslept.
If I can start looking backwards with gratitude, that's the fastest way to make discipline dopamine generating. So, the tricks are to start small. So, like when I go to bed at night, I will pop open the little Keurig uh coffee thing and stick the [music] thing in there, put a cup under there.
Everything's like ready to go. So, when I wake up in the morning, I just go bam and everything's ready. I'll get my clothes out, everything kind of lined up, ready to put on for the next day.
So, I'm I'm lowering the threshold of how much attention I'm spending. So, I'm going to set my life up in every single way that I possibly can as if I were a butler for future me. So, when I wake up in the morning, all the stuff's set out, my laundry's laid out, my checklist for what I need to do to [music] the for the day, all the stuff I'm got to get on a plane is all laid out by the back door, I can grab it and jump in the car.
Everything that I could possibly do to make my future self go, "Oh man, that's awesome. " and look [music] backwards with gratitude, I'm going to do it. I'll take a $100 bill or a maybe a few $100 bills every spring or summer and I'll stick them in the a jacket pocket that I'm not going to use until the winter.
And I'll forget about it. And in the winter, I'm I'm looking and now I become a source of dopamine. Past tense me is becoming a source of dopamine for present tense me.
That forces me to look in the future. Along with like printing that old [music] me photo and putting it all over the house, but everything that I can possibly do >> [music] >> to make myself look backwards with gratitude is what I'm going to start [music] doing. But, you have to start small.
It's like just going overboard is going to be crazy. [music] And even writing a little posted note to yourself and sticking it in a jacket or a maybe a dress shoe that you're not going to wear for a few [music] months it means so much to find that and it's it's from you. It's not from a loved one.
You did it. So, you're looking backwards with like, "Wow, that's amazing. " So, you're now getting in love and sending gratitude backwards which automatically [music] means that what's going forward is concern and care.
The moment I'm always looking back with gratitude, the concern is always going forward in the future. And if the concern for [music] present goes away, and I'm going to I'm going to push that concern to the right out in the future.
