- WELCOME, JOHNSON FAMILY. NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE. COUSIN DELROY'S GETTING MARRIED.
. . all: MM-HMM.
- TO A MAN. WHICH IS CRAZY. - MM-HMM.
- AND WE'RE IN SUPPORT, AND, UH, WE JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP WITH THE PARTICULARS OF A GAY WEDDING. WHAT I'VE DONE IS I TOOK THE INITIATIVE TO GET MY FRIEND GARY IN HERE, WHO'S--I MEAN, HE'S NOT REALLY MY FRIEND. HE'S A COWORKER OF MINE WHO HAPPENS TO BE A ACTIVE MEMBER OF THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY, AND HE'S GONNA GIVE US SOME ADVICE ON, YOU KNOW, WHA--WHAT TO DO.
SO, GARY, WHA--WHAT CAN-- WHAT CAN WE EXPECT? - ALL RIGHT. WELL, FIRST OF ALL, GUYS, THANKS SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME HERE, AND I THINK IT'S REALLY AMAZING WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING FOR YOUR COUSIN DELROY.
REALLY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY, BASICALLY, THAT A GAY WEDDING IS JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING. YES? YES, SIR.
- SO THEN DO THE MEN WEAR DRESSES AND THEN THE WOMEN WOULD WEAR SUITS? - NO. NO, NO, NO.
YOU WOULD JUST WHERE EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD WEAR AT A--AT A STRAIGHT WEDDING. - NOW, NONE OF US ARE GAY, SO I ASSUME THAT WE WOULD ALL SIT THEN IN THE STRAIGHT SECTION. - THE STRAIGHT SECTION?
- YEAH. - OH, THE STRAIGHT SECTION. HE MEANS AS OPPOSED TO THE GAY SECTION.
- NO, NO, THERE'S--THERE'S-- THERE'S NO SECTIONS, GUYS. - BUT THE GAY PEOPLE. .
. - NO, NO, NO. WHAT--YOU WOULD JUST SIT-- - AND THEN THE STRAIGHT?
- NO, LARRY, LARRY, LISTEN TO ME JUST FOR A SECOND. - BUT THEN THE AISLE. - YOU WOULD JUST-- YOU WOULD JUST SIT ON THE SIDE OF THE PERSON THAT WERE FRIENDS WITH OR THAT YOUR FAMILY'S MEMBERS, JUST LIKE IN A STRAIGHT WEDDING.
- SO WE JUST GUESS WHO'S GAY. - OR NOT. YOU COULD JUST--YEAH.
- WE'LL GUESS WHO'S GAY. - OKAY. GUESS WHO-- - WHEN IN THE CEREMONY DO WE SING<i>OVER THE RAINBOW?
</i> - WELL, YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T. THIS IS A RELIGIOUS CEREMONY, SO YOU-- YOU WOULDN'T BE SINGING THAT DURING THE SERVICE.
- OH, ALL RIGHT. - YOU DONE WITH THE QUESTIONS? - NO, I'M JUST ASKING.
- I'M NERVOUS 'CAUSE I CAN ONLY DO JAZZ HANDS FOR ABOUT THREE MINUTES 'FORE MY HANDS START TO CRAMP. - OH, SIR, I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S GONNA EXPECT YOU-- I DON'T THINK ANY-- I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S GONNA EXPECT YOU TO HAVE TO DO JAZZ HANDS. - NOW CAN WE SEE THE PONY SHOW FROM THE STRAIGHT SECTION?
OR ARE WE WAY IN THE BACK SOMEWHERE? - MA'AM, AGAIN, THERE'S NO STRAIGHT SECTION. WHAT IS A PONY SHOW?
- YOU KNOW, WHEN Y'ALL GO LIKE THIS. - NO, THERE WON'T BE-- THERE WON'T BE ANY OF THIS DURING THE CEREMONY. - OH.
OH. - WHEN DO WE SING<i>YMCA? </i> - OH.
- SIR, NOT DURING THE CEREMONY. - OKAY. - WHAT ABOUT<i>MACHO, MACHO</i>MAN?
- NO. - I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BUY NO GAY PRESENTS. - WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT A GAY PRESENT IS.
USUALLY, WHAT COUPLES DO IS THEY JUST-- THEY JUST REGISTER AT A STORE. . .
- HUH. - LIKE A STRAIGHT COUPLE WOULD. - THE GAY STORE, OR-- - JUST A REGULAR STORE.
- WHERE DO YOU GET THE EUROS TO BUY GAY GIFTS? - ARE YOU SAYING EUROS? YOU WOULDN'T-- YOU WOULDN'T USE EUROS.
- NO, IT'S--IT'S-- IT'S A GOOD QUESTION, FINNEY. WE--WE SHOULD MAKE SOME EYE CONTACT SO WE MAKE SURE THAT THE COMMUNICATION'S HAPPENING. - YEAH.
- I THINK HE WANTS TO KNOW IS IT, LIKE, A--YOU KNOW, A DIFFERENT CURRENCY? OR IS IT MORE LIKE CAMEL CASH? - NOPE, JUST GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED U.
S. DOLLARS, YEP. - DO WE HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ANAL SEX?
- OH! - OR CAN WE JUST WATCH AND CHEER IN A FIREMEN'S HAT? - NO, THERE'S NO ANAL SEX AND NO FIREMAN'S HAT.
- OH, OKAY. - IT'S CUNNILINGUS. - IS THAT A QUESTION, SIR?
- WHEN DO WE GET TO SING<i> IT'S RAINING MEN,</i> <i> HALLELUJAH, IT'S RAININGMEN? </i> - YOU DON'T. - SO THERE'S NO GAY HYMNS IN THE CEREMONY?
- SIR, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A GAY HYMN. - WHAT? - WELL, DOES THE FAKE PRIEST LOOK LIKE A REAL PRIEST OR LIKE A NUN?
- IT'S GONNA BE A REAL PRIEST. - OR. .
. - NO, THERE'S NO "OR. " - IS IT A SEXY BOAT CAPTAIN, THEN HE TAKES HIS CLOTHES OFF?
all: OHH. - WHAT? NO.
NO. - DO WE THROW SOMETHING OTHER THAN RICE? - LIKE WHAT, SIR?
WHAT WOULD YOU THROW OTHER THAN RICE? - I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
COUSCOUS. SKITTLES. - GUYS, A GAY WEDDING IS JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING, OKAY?
IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME. - WELL, WHEN THEY KISS, IS IT OKAY TO STAND UP AND SAY, "EW"? - NO, IT'S NOT BECAUSE IT WOULD BE--THAT WOULD BE HOMOPHOBIC.
- THIS FROM THE MAN WHO WON'T ALLOW GAY HYMNS AT THE GAY WEDDING. - OKAY, BUT LIKE A INVOLUNTARY GASP. - I WOULD JUST, I GUESS, TRY TO CURB THAT BEHAVIOR.
- OKAY. I'LL--I'LL LOOK AWAY THEN. - OH, MY GOD.
- NOW, IS RUPAUL GONNA BE THERE? - NO, I DON'T THINK DELROY KNOWS RUPAUL. - UH, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS?
- NO. - OOH, DOOGIE. - WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR PICTURE ON THE INTERNET?
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS! - EXCUSE ME, GARY. "RIDICULOUS.
" IS THAT A GAY TERM? - OKAY, YEP. I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT.
- OH, HE'S A LITTLE TESTY, ISN'T HE? - NAH, HE CAN GO. - GOOD LUCK.
- WE JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT HOW IT GO. - LET'S GO, STEFAN. - I THINK WE PRETTY MUCH GOT IT.
