welcome to frozen first off we got three main characters we got to keep track of Europe we got Anna Elsa and Kristoff okay Anna Elsa our princesses and Kristoff is a nice dealer I don't know what he calls job he deals in ice like a weed dealer deals in weed okay and they're all kids right now so Anna goes to else and wakes her up and she's like yo let's go [ __ ] plate this girl [ __ ] snow man yo she's like I go use your ice powers and [ __ ] Elsa uses
her ice and snow powers to build a snowman and make a bunch of ice and snow okay and Anna's having lots of fun skipping around hopping from one small snow hill to another which Elsa keeps creating as she hops from one to another okay increasingly making them higher and higher and I gets out of hand and Elsa slips and accidentally headshot cirrhosis that well then instead of yelling mom got the camera CEOs mom help I shot my sister I might I just add that this could have all been avoided if you instead of making it
higher and higher just make them lower lower or just make a big ass patch of fluffy snow for our landing use your head man come on it's not that difficult anyway their parents come in in [ __ ] royal clothing I know this is supposed to be a kids movie and this is made to point out that this is the clean queen but still you [ __ ] sleep and royal attire what the [ __ ] why are you wearing this anyway they come in and they're like oh [ __ ] she's called its [
__ ] and then the dads like I don't want to go and they ride off into the night on some dummy fake horses all right and they get to these stone trolls okay and one old-ass stone troll comes in and he's like oh I can fix this don't worry about it and he fixes her head and removes all the memories of her sister ever having powers okay and advises them not to tell her that her sister has powers and keep the secret from [ __ ] everyone which they follow why though like why can you
just be like hey listen Elsa what you did there was pretty [ __ ] stupid how about you they'll do it again and just what were you [ __ ] like he also tells Elsa that her powers are strongest [ __ ] and also dangerous but also cool balls a nice person whatever you get it either cool powers cool powers okay tells her that you have to learn to control while all this is happening Krista and his trusty steed Sven who is not actually a horse he's a reindeer or watching and some stone troll lady
decides to keep them I'm gonna keep you but can she even do that is no one's gonna ask about this kid not even these guys do they know this kid or was he just tagging along I don't get it who are they I'll point out point isn't it some time passes and Elsa grew up barely seeing each other at all Elsa learns to very subtly conceal her powers their parents [ __ ] die in a sea accident see accident yeah see accident whatever more time passes and it's coronation day okay Elsa is finally of age
to become the queen and everybody across the land is coming because they're opening the gates up for the first time in a long time for this dope-ass coronation and everybody's hella excited everybody except for Kristoff apparently he gives zero shits Anna is also hell excited and she meets Prince Charming with cyber's Elsa gets coordinated and she almost loses her cool get it cool because she is his parents you I have a ball and I falls in love with sideburns ear and they decide to get married so she's like yeah so I met this guy like
five minutes ago and you said get married can every blessing because like what the [ __ ] [ __ ] no no you just met this guy yeah what the [ __ ] anyway they have a flight and Elsa [ __ ] loser cool and shows everybody that she has ice powers gets really sad and then plunges the entire kingdom into an eternal winter and then runs away and hides in the mountains or escapes in the mountains in our just she goes to the mountains and Anna goes after her might have to be accused of
being a witch and having powers as well by Nigel here what she doesn't but it brings up a good point why is Elsa the only one with ice powers did her dad have like a frostbitten penis or something and only way to say this [ __ ] dick was to her baby right away hence giving Elsa the ice powers of his frostbitten penis that theory too [ __ ] she goes after her sister and leaves sideburns here in charge another genius move Anna why the [ __ ] didn't you leave one of your king's men
are [ __ ] broiled Prime Minister or whatever in charge someone you trust more than this person you just met an hour ago not an hour ago like you just met that day whatever Elsa gets to a place called North Mountain and she builds an ice castle on top of it while seeing a super catchy and contagious song in the fiftieth musical number of this movie I guess it's the 50th I don't know I lost count and while Anna was on her way up to North Mountain I don't know how she knows that her sisters
on North Mountain but she does who cares she loses her horse okay then she finds Kristoff and she's like yo Kristoff take me up to my sister and he's like I fine later now so they get to move in and I get chased by some wolves then they make her sick jump and Kristoff almost falls off a cliff but then he gets saved by Anna when she throws him a pickaxe and has a rope attached to the end of it and if you do that just a little bit harder that [ __ ] would have
been to his brain right now they keep on going and they meet Olaf it snowman that her sister created while he was saying in there contagious a song okay a snowman that is sad as [ __ ] and who's the funky-looking donkey over there that's Sven uh-huh and who's the reindeer loves summer and is completely oblivious to the fact that snow melts when it gets hot they get to the castle and it goes up to Ellison she's like hey you kind of froze everything over can you please don't do this [ __ ] she's like
[ __ ] do you think I can't undo this you think I control this [ __ ] and then she lose her [ __ ] and shoot some ice in her sister's heart then she builds another huge s snowman this time he's evil and he tells him to [ __ ] off and chases him off the cliff and how the [ __ ] did Sven get here so fast or at all even I mean they just fell off a cliff doesn't matter Anna's hair is turning white okay and she's getting increasingly colder because of the
ice in her heart so Chris stuff decides to take her to his family who can fix this he says I've seen them do it before hey curse stuff buddy how are you not making the connection here she was little girl all these years ago so they get this family and he starts talking to a bunch of [ __ ] rocks and Olaf's like yo he crazy but then the rocks transform into trolls and they immediately decide that Anna and Kristoff will be perfect for each other and they should get married right [ __ ] now
but then Anna's like oh [ __ ] I'm dying so the old troll comes and gives his diagnosis and he's like I can't fix this [ __ ] holy an act of true love can fix this cuz obviously it's a Disney movie so they figure alright let's get her back to sideburns and he can give her a true love's kiss and takes this [ __ ] so they haul ass back to the kingdom Kristoff drops her off and then promptly [ __ ] off and gets the sideburns and she's like kiss me right [ __
] now I'm dying right now and only thing that can fix it is true love's kiss cuz Disney what's a Disney so they're about to kiss but then cybers is like poit then he begins to explain his evil motives okay see he has 12 butters that means he's 12 to 9 for the throne his throat not her throat so he thought he'd just married into another [ __ ] royal family and get their Kingdom but it's [ __ ] practically impossible to marry Elsa cuz she's such a loner and isolate herself so he try with
her with Anna and then stage an accident and [ __ ] kill Elsa and then become King so he then puts out the fire locks the door and then goes off to kill Elsa you see after her horse left her he found the horse and then decided to go up and see what's going down and he captured Elsa and put in a Cell down in the dungeon somewhere so he went out to kill her but then she froze the [ __ ] cell sharda an escape and started a blizzard and he starts running after her
and tried to kill her Christophe sees this blizzard going down from afar and he's like oh she I gotta go back to me runs back meanwhile Olaf finds Anna in this huge ass castle he must have opened every single door before you found her and he finds her freezing to death and her hair is almost completely white so he starts a fire and gets an ex to the fire and almost melts and then goes like some people are worth melting for my god I [ __ ] love you Olaf Olaf mentions how Hans might have
not had been heir to love and Christophe might have been her true love and he sees him coming so they try and go down to the blizzard and meet him halfway so right now there are four people in the blizzard on the frozen sea side burns Elsa Anna and crystal and side burns gets to Elsa and he's like yo you killed your sister because of that I see put in her heart so she dropped to the ground crying and he unsheathed his sword or something and is about to strike her and kill her Anna sees
this and she's almost frozen and she stands between him and her sister and in that instant she freezes while he's striking her and the sword shatters and that must be the luckiest she ever because if she froze before Toobin frozen mid sprint and her sister dies and if she froze after Cupid split her for now and also turns around and she's like oh my God my sister's frozen [ __ ] no I did she hugs her and cries on her shoulder and then Anna turns back to normal because that is concerted act of love but
else is like oh [ __ ] that's right love and she suddenly can control her powers really just like that so top you're now an expert soul Elsa turns everything back to normal and gives all up his own little personal snow cloud so he doesn't melt in the summer sigh burns eat [ __ ] they all go ice skating and that is not how ships work that's pure [ __ ] I give this movie 10 snowballs out of seven sideburns [Music] [Music]
