I mean, I did a photo shoot the other day and I'd spent the whole day with various people going, "Oh my god, so fierce. You look so good. [laughter] You look just so gorgeous, Emily.
" And so I was like, "Okay. " You know, and I walked into my apartment still with my photo shoot makeup on and my oldest daughter, Hazel, went, "Ew. " [laughter] Sometimes a celebrity's toughest critic isn't a reporter, it's their own kids.
And these are the hilarious moments where celebrity kids said way too much and left their parents speechless. When I told my own son that I was going to be in a superhero movie, he asked me what it was. I said I would be playing Ant-Man.
And he said, "What? " He was not that impressed. What he actually said was, "Well, I can't wait to see how stupid that'll be.
" I swear to God, that's what he said. Hugh Grant was similarly humbled when his kids finally sat down to watch him in Paddington, too. Occasionally I' I've been thinking recently I should show my children some of my friends.
Well, what about Paddington? They hated it. [laughter] I took I took them with hundreds of their friends who I have to say adored it and every child I've ever met has adored it, but my my own children loathed it.
Well, they [laughter] they loathed me, right? They just said, "Why are you in it so much? " I went to a bookstore with them and there was like, you know, they put all the displays of the books up.
you see the titles and we're just browsing around and [music] there's some book by a French guy and it's called I'm sorry for everything and my kid immediately just turns to me dead pan go look dad it's your autobiography [laughter] I don't think she was prompted at all I think she just walked up and she was like my mom has diarrhea by the way her soccer coach very good-looking man okay gotcha very good-looking man and Kristen Bell's daughter showed zero mercy when it came to her mom's outfits she almost every day says to me, "Mommy, why are you not wearing pretty outfit? " Really? Yes.
So, she criticized you. Criticizes me cuz I'm, I don't know, just wearing, I don't know, jeans and like a white t-shirt. But [music] she'll say that to me and initially my feelings will get hurt.
But then I look at her and I'm like, "You're a lunatic. I can't I [laughter] can't allow my feelings to be hurt by a crazy clown child. " You're a you're a father of three girls, right?
Yeah. Three girls. Did they uh do they like your impressions?
Did they get your sense of humor? No. [laughter] Is this true?
His first word was was mama. No, it was yas. [laughter] It was not.
There's no way. He said yas. Yes.
[laughter] Y I wonder where he got that from. I wonder where he got that from. Yeah.
Uh he wakes up at 4:50 a. m. Every night when he goes to bed, I go, "What time you going to wake up?
" And he goes, "7. " And we both laugh. [laughter] Yet, despite selling out arenas with Lincoln Park, Mike Shenoda still can't get any rockstar credit from his own daughter.
One of my daughters said, "Um, oh, I you know, I signed up to play this song at the this school like festival type of thing. " Yeah. So, I kind of went in.
I was like, "How's everything going? " And I was like talking to her and I was like, "Um, hey, by the way, like that one chord at the end of this part, like it's actually your [music] fingers go here. " And she's like, "Yeah, whatever.
" Like, this is my wife talking. She's like, "After you left, I went in the room and I was like, "Hey, like you should listen to your dad. " And my daughter goes, "What does he know about performing?
" My wife literally pulled up a video of us of Lincoln Park on stage, like rock and roll in front of 85,000 [music] people. And she shows it to her. My my daughter goes, "Who's that?
" Speaking of unimpressed kids, Bill Hater's daughter had a very strong reaction the first time she heard her dad on the big screen. I had a small part in Finding Dory and I took my daughters to go see Finding Dory and my voice came up as one of the fish and my middle daughter just like stood up and just walked out of the [laughter] I came out. She's like, "You didn't tell me you were in this.
" She's like, "Are you in any other spots? Is there any? " I'm like, "No.
" She's like, "All right. " And although Lenny Kravitz was ready for a heartfelt tribute at his Walk of Fame ceremony, his daughter Zoe had other plans. We have a clip.
Here's Zoe Kravis at Lenny's Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony. Look at this. I've seen the way you show up and take care of the people you love, but mostly I've seen through [music] your shirts.
According to my dad, if it doesn't expose your nipples, it's not a shirt. [laughter] Your relationship with the netted shirt is probably your longest one and it works. [laughter] [cheering] Andrew Barrymore's daughter had the perfect comeback ready when her mom tried to police her clothing.
My daughter wants to wear a crop top. I'll say no. And she'll go, "You were on the cover of Playboy.
" Of course. Well, I knew it was coming the day I wore chaps and I'm like, "One day I know I'm [laughter] gonna be like, you know, because my daughter wants to wear a crop top, too. " And I'm just like, can we just pull it down?
But when Sandra Bulock let her son pick out her Halloween costume, she instantly regretted it. He chose something that he chose um bat girl as I call. We were going through there's actually a [music] sensible catalog and that one popped up.
He goes, "Mama, you have to wear this. " And I went, "No, mama doesn't have to. " [laughter] Yet nothing can prepare you for raising a pre-teen.
And Jessica Alba is living proof. I'm just not emotionally ready for a a pre-teen or tween or whatever like hormones and crushes. No.
And yeah, and I'm not like I don't I don't encourage drama. So I'm like, "Honor, you know, it's not appropriate for you like to have a boyfriend. Like it doesn't even make sense.
You're in fifth grade. Like where are you going to go? " And she's like, "But mom," and she likes to talk about drama.
And I'm like, "Honor, we don't really do drama. " And she's like, "Mom, but I love drama. " my kids are talking at dinner and they you know they'll talk about like their you know their friends and the drama and the relationships and I have some some lived experience I think that's worth sharing some lessons that I you know these are the kind of things we give to our children and I said you know well that the thing about that relationship there with that person and the 17-year-old just turns to me and goes oh like you're the expert on relationships we put the the chocolates and the and the lollies up above the fridge in a very high place and he kept pushing the chair air over and trying to climb up.
And so we move the chair away and then my wife sends me this video and says, "You're not going to believe what he's doing. " What? Take a look at this.
This is very funny. Here's a video is his three-year-old son hunting for chocolate. [laughter] This is This is what I'm talking about.
That's determination, man. Look at that. Look at this.
He's 3 years old. 3 years old. You earned it.
Then there's Tina Fay's daughter, who crashed her interview in the most hilarious way possible. We're taping a television program now. Do you need something?
Click for [laughter] her entry. Those losers. Wait a second.
We're not losers. Other times, it's the parents doing the embarrassing, like when Sylvester Stallone meets his daughter's boyfriends. Boyfriends bring or bringing them home to meet your folks or your dad for [clears throat] the first time.
What's that like? It's it's difficult. I mean, immediately most of the men fail at first sight because he goes in for the handshake and my dad pulls them in and says, "Next time.
" Meanwhile, Channing Tatum's daughter turned out to be his toughest critic and she's not shy about it. But she did a good job with that. Has your daughter seen any of your movies?
She certainly hasn't seen Magic Mike, I would guess. Uh, I think Well, she was there for Magic Mike a lot of it and now her dancing is showing that she's seen a lot of that like she go around the house. Oh, really?
Yeah. I'm like, I didn't teach her that. And [laughter] and anyway, but uh we actually showed her Step Up for the first time.
We were like, this is going to be really cool. It's got dancing. She's going to love it.
Within 10 seconds, she was like, "Can I watch a real movie? " Oh, really? But the Rock's daughter has been putting him in his place from the second she was born.
The funny thing is is is at the hospital, um as soon as the baby's born, you know, the baby comes out and and the face is just completely run. I know. Babies look horrible when they're born.
Yeah. Well, yeah. And then what makes it worse is a nurse is looking.
She goes, "Oh my god, she looks just like you. " [laughter] Like, really? Yeah.
My head's not bent. Yeah. Right.
Caitlyn Olsen, six-year-old, is a little different. And his dark sense of humor has his own mom worried. He tries to make you laugh by saying things that are really inappropriate, which I can't fault him for.
I mean, both of his parents do the exact same thing, but right, he he's in kindergarten and there's a little girl in his class who um she was telling her friend that her dad is in the hospital cuz he has pneumonia and like it was a sudden thing and he goes, "Hope your dad dies in the hospital. " And Danny McBride learned the hard way that little ears are always listening. Sure enough, my wife calls me last week and is like, "Uh, you know, I picked Declan up from school today and his teacher pulled me aside and told us that Declan told a joke to the class today.
" And I just And so, uh, I was like, "Really? What what uh what one was it? " And, uh, [laughter] and, uh, she's like, "Well, apparently he got up in front of the whole class and he said, uh, what's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
" And the whole class was quiet and he said, "60 lb. [laughter] Bill Hater just can't catch a break because his daughters weren't done critiquing him just yet. I have three daughters.
Yeah. I always know when we pass there's billboards all over LA and I always know when we a bus will pull up with my face on the side of it cuz in the back they all go, "Ew, [screaming] gross. [laughter] That guy sucks.
" And Ron Funches had no idea how to act when his [music] son brought up a very grown-up subject. He's a rule follower. I think it's part of the autism that makes him really just focus in on rules.
But he's real aware. He's like, "Oh, I turned 18. Rated movies.
" He has a list. He's like, "I want explicit CDs. " The next thing said adult toys, which I'm [laughter] Does he know?
Does he know? He does not. Does he know what adult toys are?
[laughter] I'm tired of these children toys. I want adult toys. [laughter] But when it comes to catching their parents off guard, Kristen Bell's daughters have a go-to restaurant order that's guaranteed to raise a few eyebrows.
So like my husband and I when we walked the babies at night in our neighborhood when my daughter was really little, he is a recovering addict, but he likes non-alcoholic beers. So he'd pop one open, he'd have her on his chest, and we'd walk and like look at the sunset. So, we've been at restaurants where she said, "Do you have anything?
Do you have any non-alcoholic beer? " And I'm like, "Maybe, maybe, maybe we don't. We just keep that for home.
" And Mark Wahberg ended up in the doghouse thanks to his kids. My kids and I, we just we got a I got a paintball gun and my sons, they love it. They want to shoot the side of the house.
They want to shoot the tree. And they said, "Daddy, can we shoot anybody? " And I said, "Well, I'm not going to get shot, but maybe you can ask my friend Big A, who's a tough guy.
" So, he goes, "You want to shoot me? " Of course. I don't say no to the kids.
So, we shoot him like 40 times. My kids are laughing hysterically and then my wife finds out and she takes my paintball. [laughter] Conan O'Brien has one pet peeve his kids know about which is exactly why they won't stop doing it.
My son said okay Conan and he and I said like okay okay and he was like all right I'll try better Conan. And I'm like well it's you know I'm daddy you call me dad or daddy. He knew that it's it really does push a button, but the second a kid says, "Hey, Conan, I want to tear into their torso.
" What the like my sharpened nails? Pull their heart out and eat it in front of them. [laughter] Maybe an overreaction or proportionate.
Thank you. Proportionate. And while most of these kids are roasting their parents, Gwennneth Paltro's kids are just trying to survive her.
I mean, my daughter finds me mortifying. [laughter] Like, if I dance, she it's like she turns red. Well, they all have these new dances and we don't know how to do them.
If I do anything in public past just not talking and standing still. Uhhuh. She's like, "Oh my god, [laughter] when it comes to Hollywood parenting, nobody breaks it down quite like Martin Short.
that to to there's nothing more rewarding as a father than getting a deep tissue massage while out of the corner of your eye seeing one of your kids getting tutored in math. I think [laughter] it brings the warmth. You must be sensitive to your children's needs and make sure your personal assistant fulfills them.
This is the way [laughter] I approach Hollywood parenting. It's called it's a new book. Then there's the time Sam Neil's son put his dad in a very awkward and very smelly situation.
I've told this story before and my son is so embarrassed by it, but Diana was sitting here. As soon as the dinosaurs turned up, he started farting [laughter] and but it was drifting towards her. [applause] And I had my dinner suit and I thought, I'm sure she's it's of course it's she'll think it's me.
[laughter] And I could feel the sweat stains just sort of growing on my dinner suit like this. And he didn't stop until the end. [laughter] but he he denies it to this day.
Other times, kids have no idea what their parents actually do for work, like Ryan Gosling's daughter, who has her own theory about his job. Did they get to see you in the space suit? They did.
They came to set and they they happened to Well, they [music] came on this day where I was shooting a launch scene. So, I was in the space suit and uh and and pretending to launch. Uhhuh.
[laughter] I think they think I'm an astronaut. My oldest said the other day, she pointed to the moon. She was like, "That's where you work, right?
" [laughter] And Ashton [music] Kutcher was stunned when his daughter repeated something she definitely wasn't supposed to. The new dog like peed on the stairwell. And I'm like getting ready in the morning and Mila's like, "Oh, Ricky peed on the stairwell.
" I'm like, "Ricky. " And I'm walking and my daughter's right behind me and all of a sudden I just hear Ricky. And I'm [laughter] like, and then she turns around, there's like a hole in the carpet where the dog had like chewed a hole in the carpet and she just points it and she goes, "Ricky.
" [laughter] And I'm like, "But if you thought Ashton's daughter had a mouth on her, just wait until you hear pinks. " She I was in the uh getting ready to go out on stage and she ran in and she [music] I she must have been preparing this like a bit and she came in and she's like, "I'm here. " [cheering] Meanwhile, Matt Damon found out that no film critic hits harder than his own kids.
I have there's a one movie I did that's I not very good. Uh, and it's called The Great Wall. And [music] and my daughter was talking to one of her friends and she was talking about this movie.
My dad did this movie, The Wall. And and [music] she kept calling it the wall. And I was finally like, Isabelle, that movie is called The Great Wall.
And she was like, "Dad, there is nothing great about that. " [laughter] On the other hand, Galgado's daughter is convinced her mom is a lot more than just an actress. [music] My daughter is very proud.
We go to the park and then she goes to, you know, kids, they try to make friends. So, they go to the parents and they [music] go, she goes, "My mom is Wonder Woman. " And then the parents would look at me strangely, [music] not recognizing me, and I would go, you know, every mother is a Wonder Woman.
[laughter] Then my mother was more like the Joker. And Chris Pratt was [music] totally baffled by what his son thinks he does for a living. He thinks I'm a firefighter.
Why? I don't know. Uh because I know this because I'll say, "Hey, bud.
I I'm going to be back tomorrow. I got to go to work. " And he'll go, "Um, are you are you going to work on your firet truck?
" And I'm like, "Yes, I am. Yes, I am, son. " But nobody can top Ryan Reynolds's daughter.
And even he's a little worried about what she'll do next. Our pediatrician when she met uh Inz, she said, "Uh, oh, this one's shady. " [laughter] And like even the other day when we were traveling back home, we were at the airport and out of our whole family, she's the only one that got the secondary security pat down [laughter] at 2 years old.
All right. So, what is this 2-year-old? But she just like she just like takes it like a hardened felon.
Like she's just like, "Get search me. " What's up?